#today i give you ash/liara

[edains]

"Yeah, it was...difficult to leave" "Ashley, I'm sorry"

Ashley William's Armory

New Markings for Liara

[aricazorel]

Day 3 Eden Prime

Kaidan Alenko, Kori Reese, Ashley Williams

ME3, post-Priority Citadel 2 & From Ashes DLC (canon divergence)

“I can’t believe the colony rebuilt only to have Cerberus show up and do this,” Kaidan said as he motioned to the report he had been writing. “How could they claim to be pro-human and then destroy a human colony?”

Lt. Commanders Kora Reese and Ashley Williams watched as the L2 paced around the observation lounge, clearly disturbed by the Normandy’s last mission. Shepard had taken Alenko, Williams and Liara on the ground mission only to discover Cerberus had decimated the colony. Only two good things came out of the mission: intel for the Eden Prime resistance to use and the discovery of a real live Prothean. The Commander and Shadow Broker were down in one of the converted cargo areas talking with him now.

As fascinating as the discovery was, the Major’s thoughts were clearly elsewhere. “Sure, they were doing questionable things three years ago. We all know that. We were there, but then they fought off the Collectors and prevented a Reaper invasion. Oh, yeah and they brought Shepard back but now?”

He turned to the two women, the large view of space framing him in a soft white glow of starlight. “I thought Shepard might still be working with them somehow back on Mars, you know? We had a big argument about it on the way to the archives. James still gives me grief about it and Liara gave me a huge lecture after I woke up in the hospital…But I know now and I should have known them, John would never have gone along with anything like this. The Illusive Man used the SR-2 and its crew as a shield to keep Shepard blind to anything else questionable Cerberus might have been up to…”

The L2 ran a hand roughly through his hair. “I should have just believed him from the start. I did on the SR-1. Why couldn’t I when the Reapers hit Earth? If I had maybe things would have been different. Maybe these people wouldn’t have had to die like Jenkins…”

Reese glanced as Williams as she made a noise of frustration. “Jenkins was killed by the Geth. That had nothing to do with what went down today. The only connection is the location. You’re reaching, LT.”

Even three years later, Ashely still called him LT. Alenko had never taken the time to correct him, and Reese had the sneaking suspicion that he liked it. The relationship between the two was akin to a brother and sister. Kaidan had no sisters and Ash had no brothers. So, it worked out.

He frowned. “Reaching? Cerberus took advantage of the vulnerability of the colony, knowing full well they were still recovering from the Geth attack. They didn’t spare anyone!”

“I know, Alenko! I was there,” she replied loudly. “I’ve written my report same as you. The only difference is I’m not throwing a pity party.”

“Excuse me, Lt. Commander Williams! What the hell is that supposed to mean?” the Major asked as he took a step towards her.

“It means, sir, that you seem to be forgetting that we are all affected by what went on down there,” Williams clarified as she copied him and took a step forward. “You aren’t the only one angry and hurting. I was actually stationed down there, and I lost my entire squad the day we met. We all have lost something. You don’t own being angry.”

“I never said I did, but Cerberus has gone unchecked and we’re wasting resources chasing them down instead of dealing with the Reapers,” Alenko said loudly taking a small step toward the former Gunnery Chief as he stood at his full height.

“No, shit, Major,” Williams countered as she stood toe to toe with him. “But you may have noticed they are trying to adapt Reaper tech for their own purposes. We can’t just let them do that.”

“I wasn’t suggesting we should—”

“All right, that’s enough, you two,” Reese finally interjected as she moved beside them and gently pushed them apart. Of course, they didn’t budge. “For fuck’s sake, separate or I’ll sperate you biotically.”

They both eyes her skeptically but backed away from either other a few feet. “Seriously? We have three human Specters onboard, and I get stuck with the two that want to have a pissing contest over something that shouldn’t be an issue. Everyone has the right to be angry one this one.”

“I was not…” Alenko protested but trailed off as Reese leveled a glare at him.

“Riiiight and you totally didn’t raise you voice or imply that you somehow could have single handedly predicted this move by Cerberus,” the Ops Office pointed out.

He clamped his mouth shut as she went on, “Yeah, I that’s what I thought…Now are we done with this pissing contest?”

“I would have won,” Ashley muttered with smirk.

Kaidan looked at her in disbelief. “H—How? You don’t even have—”

“The right equipment, LT?” she asked with an impish grin.

He nodded as the other Specter laughter. He turned in confusion to Reese who chuckled. “Ash would win because you won’t even try. You’re too much of a gentleman.”

“I was raised to be one,” he muttered as he looked at the floor.

William laughed as she said, “Sorry, LT. I’m not exactly a lady but I appreciate your manners.”

He glanced up with a raised eyebrow. “Really?”

She nodded. “Yeah. You get us out of trouble, and Shepard and I get into it.”

Reese crossed her arms. “See? Being a gentleman is a good thing…And feeling anger for those who faced an injustice is good too. It means you won’t ever cross that line but remember you’re not alone. None of us are.”

Kaidan glanced out the window at the colony below. “You think they’ll be able to rebuild after everything?”

Reese nodded. “We all will be able to because that’s would humans do. We survive, and we thrive. The Reapers don’t know how to deal with that.”

“You really believe that, Reese?” Williams asked as she came to stand beside the two biotics in front of the window.

“Yeah, I do,” she replied, her voice full of hope. “Look at everything humanity has been through in our brief existence and yet we made it to the stars. If we can do that, we can do anything.”

“Plus, we have Shepard,” Kaidan pointed out with a grin.

“Yeah, we have Shepard,” Ashely agreed.

Reese shook her head as she grinned. “Who needs anything else when you have Shepard?”

[crqstalite]

Letters Home.

I made a mistake because this was originally meant to answer a prompt fill and then I forgot about it until now. So I tweaked it, but it still works I think.

I would rather not think about the fact the current majority of writing I've done for Lali and Joker is very angsty. That'll change, eventually, but it was begging to be written so here we are. It's a little shaky since I've written Joker himself maybe a grand total of three times but I'm happy enough with it.

Post-Thessia, minor (major?) character death mentioned. Lali/Joker.

"There's a new Blasto movie coming out, it doesn't look a lot better than the last one, but it'd be great to see with you when you're home again."

Her green eyes are still bright, her grin wide while she falls back on the collection of pillows decorating her bed. Her concerns then must've extended about as far as what was for dinner that evening, or tomorrow's assignment. Blasto wasn't one of her favorites, he knew that every time they'd watched one together, but she'd sat through every single one because it made him happy. Not that she didn't complain the entire time though.

It'd been a while since he'd been fifteen himself, but those concerns shouldn't have included Reapers in them.

"You must know about all the inaccuracies in the movies, huh? With the Council and stuff this has to be hilarious to you."

Joker isn't sure what feeling to name the one that's threatening to consume him while Hilary continues talking, rattling off that week's events. Teachers, classmates, her chores around the house.

The vidmail just seemed so normal. Everything had seemed perfectly fine when he'd checked in on them after they'd left Earth. Maybe that was an overstatement, nothing would've been fine but it was still manageable then. His father and his younger sister had intended to bunker down for as long as they had to, as long as they could while he'd promised them to try and get them off Tiptree. Nothing had seemed off. Nothing had seemed wrong. He thought they'd have time.

Six months later and he'd proved himself wrong. Time was in shorter and shorter supply. By the time he could turn his attention fully back to finding them nearly a week ago to do anything more about their situation, it'd been too late. He'd heard it over the extranet, part the long list of colony worlds flashing red every other hour. His blood had run cold while he'd hoped, prayed he wouldn't find his homeworld among the lost.

The galaxy felt like it stopped spinning when he did. In big, bright red letters, it'd said Tiptree, and he...it'd all felt like a bad dream then. That he'd look back and see it was some other colony out in the Traverse. Not his. It couldn't. It shouldn't have. It was so far outside of normal trade routes that it didn't make sense for the Reapers to seize it.

Yet they'd done so anyway. The last communications had gone out the day prior, and had stretched into silence since then. Where he'd be expecting a call today, instead his missed messages have remained dark. His 'tool won't connect to his father's, or Hilary's.

He almost misses when the door behind him opens, his hand missing the pause button on the video while he scrambles for it. He doesn't get a great glance over his shoulder, but it's enough for him to try and get his emotions back in check long enough to hold a conversation, "Shepard? Look, I'm sorry for what I said earlier."

"You've got the wrong Shepard, actually. I think." If the voice isn't enough to convince him, then the absence of anger in it does when he turns his chair to look at her. Smaller, softer, more concerned when Citlali pauses in the doorway compared to her elder sister. His girlfriend a sight for sore eyes, at least compared to her counterpart, "Sorry for scaring you, if I did.

"You didn't. Just, thought she was making the rounds again. And holding a grudge against your commander doesn't really bode well for you, as I've found." He can't find the energy to add a genuine laugh with the quip, and while Citlali smiles, it's one of the ones that's strained, "What? I feel like Alenko's walking proof of that."

"I guess, depending on how you look at it." She furrows her brow, maybe in thought, maybe in disbelief. He still can't read her very well, though it's not as if she makes it easy. Shaking off the expression, "Do you mind if I come in? You seemed...busy."

While Hilary's vid has gone quiet, he doesn't meet her eyes. The distraction might be better than nothing, even though he'd rather spend his time alone, most likely watching the last handful of mails from the month prior, "If you want to, sure. Did you need anything?"

"No. It's just...quiet around here. Thessia's on everyone's mind and it honestly feels too constricting." The door closes behind her, "If you're worried, Kodelyn's with Liara right now. I don't think she's going to come back up here for a while."

"Oh good. That'll probably give her time to cool off." Refocus her frustration with Thessia back towards comforting, always seemed like it fixed something in her. He might've been out of line, but he hadn't been expecting for her to explode at him like that. It seemed too out of character, and he hadn't been able to accurately predict it. The longer she spent doing anything else was probably extending his lifespan. Shepard wasn't predictable, but she rarely played the stereotype of the short-fuse Commander.

"Cool off?" Citlali quirks an eyebrow, "Was she mad at...you?"

"Surprising, I know."

"Weird. What'd you do?"

"Nothing." He says habitually, then sighs, "I don't know. Rough day for obvious reasons, she wasn't doing so well and I probably didn't make it any better."

"Oh." Citlali cringes, "She wasn't too upset with you, was she?"

"Probably not with me specifically. I just ended up as collateral damage."

"Collateral -- Never mind. She'll probably apologize when she's feeling more like herself. If she ever does." Her tone wavers at that, uncertainty on the other end of it, "Are you okay, though?"

His silence answers it for her. What does he say to that? Fine, only that I found out my home might be ashes and the only family I have left might be gone?

Well, he probably could.

"Sure. Fine."

Her smile's shaky, "Are you really fine, or are you just trying to get rid of me?"

"Never, I love spending time with you. You know that."

"Uh-huh. I'll suspend my disbelief, but only because you're sweet," She frowns at that, padding over to sit in the empty co-pilot's chair, turning it to face him, "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. You don't have to lie to me though."

"I'm not. Just dealing with...everything. All of us have our off days." The screen blinks when he turns back to it, Hilary's expression still frozen in one of amusement. His chest grows heavy again, this one was dated a day before the Reapers came through. This vidmail, the one like so many others that'd come before it, was one of the last ones he'd ever have of her.

And when he received it, he hadn't thought anything of it. He wouldn't go as far as to say he'd taken the ritual for granted, but he'd thought he'd receive another one. And another after that. He was careful to watch every one, and send back another as soon as he was able. His had gone unread.

"Fair enough." Citlali leans back, blissfully oblivious, "Long day. Maybe way too many things happened all at once."

"You could probably say that again."

"I'll refrain from repeating myself." She chuckles, "Can't wait to get back to the Citadel. The rest this crew needs is probably ticking up towards absurd."

"That bad in your professional opinion?" He asks, "I'd thought we were doing just peachy. Y'know, with the Council trying to absolve themselves of guilt and the galaxy crumbling around us."

"Thank God for night clubs." She responds, leaning back, "It just feels tenser than ever. Can't shake the feeling we're getting towards the end of whatever this is, and it's making everyone jumpy."

"Probably, yeah. Hopefully it'll be longer than a day or two when Shepard's done with Horizon. It'd be nice not running from Reaper forces day in and day out."

"Too exciting for you?"

"Everyone has their limits. just seems like there are more of them than ever lately, and they all want a piece of us." That much is true. The other half is that he wants a chance to search. Search the Citadel, search the surrounding systems. Maybe Hilary would be with the refugees, and he just hadn't found her yet. Maybe she'd lost her 'tool. They'd never been great at remembering each other's codes.

One hell of a time to forget, if she was out there, all alone and surrounded by the unknown.

Citlali turns her gaze towards the front window, then to one of the screens in front of him from what she can see, "Thessia-related matters aside, if you're willing to share, who's that?"

He hesitates, trying to find an answer while his throat tightens around his words. All he can do is send a picture of Hilary over to her screen. She halfway smiles when she receives it, one of her out in the yard during his last leave. Yellow sundress, celebrating the first day of summer, "Friend? Family? She looks just like you. Same grin and everything."

"Family. Younger sister, actually."

"Aw. Looks just like you." Citlali smiles, "What's she like?"

"Like any little sister, I guess." What was there to say? Why is he looking for adjectives to encapsulate the sister he loved, and why is it so difficult, "Smart, kind, practical joker sometimes. Occasionally gets on your nerves, but you love her too much to stay mad."

"As all siblings do. Feel like she'd be fun to have around. Guess you missed out on the curly hair gene, huh?"

"Had it when I was younger."

"Is she looking to follow in your footsteps? A pilot just like her brother?"

The lump in his throat almost doesn't let him answer her, and he plays with the bill of his hat, "Maybe. I don't think she ever really said anything about it."

"Big shoes to fill, I get it." The smile fades slightly when he doesn't follow up on it, "Where is she now?"

His voice is raspy when he tries to talk again, "I don't...really know. I don't know if she even still is."

Her face falls, furrowing her brows once she realizes, "I- Jeff..."

"Evac orders were sent out to Tiptree a couple of days ago. No news since, only that a handful made it...somewhere. Liara didn't say where." The orange lights in front of him start to swim in the water collecting in the corners of his eyes, "I don't even know if she made it offworld."

There's a flood threatening to burst behind his eyes, delicately held back for the last few days just by sheer will. Just the thought of the planet being turned into Earth, Palaven, Tuchanka...hell even what he saw of Thessia turns his stomach.

They didn't live that close to any major city, but they still would've been at risk if they sent any husks out that way. Any of the other grotesque monsters they'd seen lately.

Had she been looking for him? When it'd all happened, had he missed her call while they were in FTL? Just by a split second.

The thought of one them getting their hands on her, one of the sweetest girls in the galaxy who'd done nothing but act as a ray of sunshine in his life, it kills him to think about.

His hands are wet, he doesn't even realize until he hears Citlali's boots against the ground behind him. Her eyes are searching his face when she kneels down next to his chair, holding out her arms halfway in a silent question.

He accepts a moment later, wrapping his arms around her. She hugs him back, a quiet whisper on her lips when she returns the gesture, "I'm so sorry."

The dam breaks.

Big jade eyes that match his, a grin she lamented about every other day. The figurine he'd brought back for her, the Normandy, on her nightstand just in view.

What he'd give to see her again. Hear her voice again.

The galaxy crumbles away, tears streaming down his face.

"I love you, Jeff. I miss you."

[ghostxofxartemis]

For character ask: Ashley no doubt :D

@neonbutchery If you want to send me another character for the ask, feel free to do so as I received Ash twice in my inbox <3

Character Ask.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ash, my favourite thing about her? Pretty much anything, she's a girl who knows what she wants and will fight for it. She knows she's deserving of the promotions she keeps getting skipped over but she works hard to show the Alliance that she's worthy, even though she got rejected time and time again and doesn't feel worthy any longer, she doesn't let that stop her.

She's a tomboy but she's also really in tune with her feminism, her sexuality and I think that's absolutely fantastic (guuurl... I wish I was more like you!)

Family comes first for her. It seems in today's society, everyone is so gunhoo on their career, forgetting that family is also important, that they aren't always going to be there, and if something happens to you in your career, you're easily replaceable. Ash knows this, especially in her line of work where she faces hazardous conditions everyday, she makes sure she takes the time to talk to her family. I really love that about her.

There really isn't a least favourite thing about her other than the fact that Bioware over sexualized her in ME3. Where's that tomboy with the bun in her hair? She doesn't seem to be the type to let her hair down while on duty. Yes, I do believe she does let her hair down once in a while but not while she's fighting a war.

favourite line: "Just because I like poe doesn't mean I can't drill between the eyes from a thousand yeards away" or something like that, but you know which one.

and "Nothing like a nice relaxing stroll on the beach, blasting bad guys with my boomstick."

BrOTP: I think her and Garrus would have lots of shooting competition, which on can snipe the most enemies and same with Wrex but with the shotgun. I can definitely see her charging in with them and joking around with them afterwards. She's not afraid to get her hands dirty, and both Garrus and Wrex do respect her for that, we can see the respect is mutual.

Her and James, they both live to be soldiers and enjoy that, I think they would have competitions like, who can dissemble and reassemble the guns the fastest, who can lift more, or even sparring competitions.

OTP: Shepard obvs (and both Male and Femshep -after writing a f!shepley for the Solstice exchange, I really enjoyed the version I made of them). I think they suit each other the best, maybe it's my own bias, or maybe it's the way I portrait my canon Shep and how him and Ash are very competitive and both survivors and their bond is extremely strong because of that, I don't know, but I just think they work so well together.

Shep/Ash/Kaidan is my next one. I don't think Ash and Kaidan work well alone, but with Shep I think it would work. Ash has a dominate personality and she's brash while Kaidan is a "keep to the books" kind of guy and I think they're personality would clash at the end of the day as a couple. I see them more as BFFs.

Miranda/Ash, Traynor/Ash, and Jack/Ash are also some that I think would work well with her. 

NOtps: I don't know if I should go there but here goes: Wrex, Garrus, Jacob, Liara, Thane. Okay, maybe all the Aliens romances for Ashley.

Random Headcannon: I can picture Ash with a wardrobe full of old clothes, some of them even full of holes but she hangs on to them until they can't be worn anymore and she makes rags out them to clean the weapons. She doesn't let anything go to waste, and this is because her father was the only one that worked and provided the income but we know that the Third Serviceman Class (the rank her father remained at for his entire career) doesn't make very much money. He made enough for the family to have the bare minimum and so the girls shared clothes and they wore them until they couldn't get anymore uses out of them. They're mother would patch t he clothes until there wasn't anymore room for new patches etc. I think she has maybe 1-2 dresses in her wardrobe but not more than 3 at most.

Her favourite PJ's are an old Alliance t-shirt she first got a training and it may have holes under the armpit section but she refuses to through it out cause it still has more uses. nd an old pair of shorts.

I think that when her and Shep (earthborn/colonist Shep mostly) live together post war they are both very giving people because they have more than what they need and both of them are used to living with the bare minimum and they are just people with big hearts who know what it's like to have nothing, to come from nothing.

Unpopular opinion: She's not racist, she's a realist there's a difference.

Ash: The council races will always think of themselves first. It's...human nature.

Council Tevos: If we lend you our strength to help Earth our own world's will fall.

Ash: We can't afford to the trust them, not if the survival of humanity is on the line.

Council Tevos: The cruel and unfortunate truth is that while the Reapers focus on Earth, we can prepare and regroup.

Ash foreshadows so much, I could spend hours writing more of the foreshadowing she mentions....but the reality is.... she will still be wrongly labeled a racist but Ashley fans know that all to well.

Yeah some things she says aren't the most favorable lines but that's cause of Bioware's writing, not Ashley herself.

Song I associate Ashley with: Bloody Creature Poster Girl by In This Moment. It's probably not something she would listen to... or maybe? But I feel like it describes her very well, she's really not a Damsel in Distress. She can handle herself *Flexes her Guns*. And she definitely teachers her daughter(s) to be the same.

Favourite picture of them: ALL OF THEM! There's not enough picture of Ashley out there on the net, so all them are beautiful to see because it's like "there's finally a picture of Ash and not someone else"

[kaidans-alenko]

Post Thessia

My first sheply piece! Yay! Do go easy on me because as I said i’ve never written this paring before ^^;

“Hey there skipper.” Ashley said gently as she entered his cabin. 

Aiden sat up as if the bed had just spontaneously caught on fire “Ash! I was just uh napping.” he said as he fixed his hair and she could tell he was trying to pretend there was nothing wrong. He didn’t have to, of all the people to pretend around she wasn’t one of them. 

“You can talk to me you know, there isn’t much I can do to help but I can at least listen.” She offered, approaching where Aiden sat on the bed with his head hung. 

“I appreciate that Ash...I really do.” he extended his hand to her and she happily accepted it, giving it a gentle squeeze as she sat down next to him. Aiden rested his head on her shoulder and she ran her free hand through his long black hair. 

“And before you ask Lily didn’t ask me to come.” 

Aiden chuckled “Oh and you’re a mind reader too.” he joked. 

Ashley laughed with him “I’m upset she beat me to it but I’m not surprised.” 

Aiden fell back on the bed “I feel bad, she came in to talk and I just brushed her off, I know she doesn’t care but…” 

Ashley laid next to him, staring at the stars through the skylight in his cabin “She’s just worried about you, we all are.” 

Aiden sighed “I know…but it’s not my home that was destroyed and instead of having a pity party I should be-” 

“You’re allowed to be upset you know, especially since you’re the one taking the fall for all this.” she interrupted. 

“But it doesn’t feel that way!” He said, standing up, it came as a shock, for someone as naturally calm like Aiden to suddenly raise his voice. 

“What do you mean?” She asked, sitting up.

“I mean….I mean... ugh!” his biotics flared causing the contents of the coffee table to fall and shatter onto the ground but he wasn’t phased by it and neither was she. Her main concern right now was Aiden, not a pair of cheap wine glasses he never even used. 

“I’m the great Commander Shepard!” he said in a mocking tone “i’m not allowed to have bad days, or make mistakes or screw up, everything I do has to be so goddamn perfect!” he exclaimed, starting into a rant as he paced around the room. “But i’m not perfect, no matter how much I pretend to be i’m fucking not….I wish I was, everything would be so much easier if I was the super solider they all thought I was.” 

Ashley nodded “I know…” she said softly.

“All it takes is one little thing to go wrong and that’s it!” he threw his arms up into the air “all this respect and trust they claim to have evaporates into absolutely nothing.” he laughed but there was no joy that Ashley could hear in it “maybe I should just let the reapers win, just give up completely!”

“You won’t.” she told him matter of factly. 

“I know!” He snapped “I know...it just sounds really damn good sometimes, to just give up.” 

Ashley stood up and placed her hands on his shoulders from behind, kissing him on the cheek, thankful for the bit of extra height her boots granted her “That’s what’s so amazing about you though Aiden, do you know how many people would’ve thrown in the towel after today?”

“Too many.” 

“Exactly, I understand self doubt, believe me Aiden but no one here is expecting you to be perfect, it’s all the politicians and leaders that are putting all this pressure on you and you can’t worry about them.”

“But-”

Ashley shook her head “If they have a problem with the way you’re doing something then they should just do the job themselves but they aren’t going to so what they think of you shouldn’t matter.” 

Aiden’s shoulders relaxed “yeah…” he placed his hand over hers “thanks Ash.” 

She smiled “Of course...I love you skipper.” 

Aiden’s eyes widened, it’s not that he didn’t feel the same he just wasn’t good at expressing it, he got easily flustered and honestly it was both embarrassing and sad for everyone involved “I...I love you too.” but much to his surprise it came so easy, as if he’s been waiting to say those words and...maybe he has. It’s not that he didn’t care about Liara he did at the time but Ashley was a different story. The more time they spent together the more he regretted not picking her from the start. It took him dying and the world ending for him to finally face his feelings head on and by some miracle she felt the same. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to but...could maybe stay, just a little while longer?” He asked shyly. 

Ashley nuzzled the side of his neck “As long as you want.” 

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Seven

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Wherein we... talk to the crew. I didn’t quite make it off the ship.

Still, a lot of words.

Aka the nearly All-Gif update.

Didn’t get a chance to play ME at all this week, so I’m going to spend a few hours this weekend (double-checking to make sure screenshotting works :p) and have some real updates later.

So making it back to the ship from Therum, it’s time to talk to the crew.  I maybe could have gone and talked to them after getting on the ship after the Citadel, but they don’t really have any unique lines then so, I usually wait til now to go chat.

First, let’s talk to Liara.

The thing that sucks about talking to Liara (or Kaidan, or Ashley, if you don’t want to romance them) is, you know, the accidental romance.  Making “picking the Paragon-place choices = romance by default with NO WARNING” design was very Not Good.  They fixed this in later games, well moreso in Dragon Age games than ME, (and Andromeda is done very well for this) but still.  In ME3, the BackOff mod does a great job of making romance dialog more obvious and intentional.  

Liara’s dialog choices I feel like are even LESS obviously flirting I feel like than Ash and Kaidan’s.  Honestly with Liara’s most of the lines can be read and even said aloud as friendship then BOOM, all of a sudden she wants a threesome.  I choose middle dialog options whenever possible with Liara just to avoid this.  I’m not interested, never have been, don’t want Kaidan to think he has any competition.  But seriously, it’s poor game design here that you literally have to be a jerk to a companion at some points to avoid having them think you want to bang.   God, half of the reason I’d love a remaster would be to hopefully fix shit like this to avoid some of the pitfalls.  

I hate that some people use this as a reason to dislike these characters more.  And I’ll admit, in my early days as a ME fan, I held it against Liara, too, until I realized how dumb that is.  I especially hate it when you get to the “confrontation scene” and people use Kaidan not wanting to be in a threesome as a reason to dislike him more?  It’s not a bad thing to want to be monogamous?  (And of course, it’s not a bad thing to NOT want to be, assuming everyone is open and OK about it.)

I just prefer to not get that scene at all now, and to avoid “leading anyone on” accidentally etc.  My Shepard knows early on what she wants, and sticks with him all the way through.

I was going to talk more here about my feelings about Liara in general but uh, I guess I’ll do that later.  This is already really long.

Here’s a great post about how to avoid romancing Kaidan while being rude as little as possible to him.  

Well since he’s right outside the medbay anyway, let’s go talk to the LT.  

Have I mentioned how much I hate the orange glow?  

So anyway, I thought maybe I’d talk here a little bit about Why Kaidan?

I will point out here that I am mostly a hetero woman, so my choices in video game romances lean towards men first, though I’m also very cool with doing non-m/f romances in games, and often do on subsequent playthroughs of games I love, but that’s almost never gonna be my primary romance.

I’d already mentioned my love for Carth Onasi, one of the most hated companions in video games, If You’re A Guy.

By today’s standards, even the Carth romance isn’t that great.  But at the time, it was the greatest romance I’d experienced in video games.  There were a few others that were really good -- Valen Shadowbreath in Neverwinter Nights: Horde of the Underdark was the other really great one, but we also got nightmare fuel like Anomen in Baldur’s Gate (though that gets better with mods + the final BG expansion) or just under-written characters or romances like Casavir in NWN2 (who was much better with mods) or hell, either of your choices in KotOR2 imho.  But I used to play KotOR over and over for many reasons, such as holy shit a Star Wars game(!!) and one where you can actually be a female main character AND has that great Bioware storytelling... but a big reason was Carth.  

A funny thing about Carth Onasi... if you play a male main character, you have a very different experience with Carth than if you play a woman.  And even I can agree that hoo boy Carth gets tiresome quick if you play a male, as a female you at least get to flirt and that calms him down and evens him out a lot. But the one time I tried playing as a male, I didn’t make it off Taris because.. yeouch I could actually see what the guys playing were so mad about.

But hey, that voice.  Raphael Sbarge, I love that voice.  So like I said early on in these posts, I immediately knew I was going to romance Kaidan the very second I confirmed he was romancable, before I even ran back into the ship and met anyone on the crew aside from Joker and Kaidan.

And... that only got confirmed more and more as I went through ME for the first time.  The character is smart, and capable, and respected you, and never questioned your command, but made his feelings pretty clear along the way.  He could be a little doofy but in an adorable way with some of the things he said, honestly there was almost never anything I didn’t love about this character.

I realized some time ago that I have a thing for the Paladin archetype personally. 

This is Casavir, from Neverwinter Nights 2, and in NWN2, there are two romance options for women.  An under-written Lawful Good Paladin in his late 30′s who is willing to buck his superiors to do what he thinks is right but also places you on a pedestal and holds back all his emotions.  He’s a romance option. Or....

Bishop, a chaotic evil ranger who insults you a lot, threatens to rape an NPC under your protection, and ultimately betrays you.  

Most people who played NWN2 seemed to prefer the CE Ranger.  I loved the paladin so much I wrote fix-it fic that I never have gotten around to publishing anywhere to retcon his terrible dumb ending.

There’s a fan-made romance mod that helps with the romances in this game, though I dislike a lot of what they did, ultimately I always use it.

In Dragon Age?

Ah yeah, the Templar-Warden.  Love him.  He does have that “Oh I’m so young and experienced tee-hee” thing going on that isn’t my favorite, (at this point mostly because I’m actually in my mid-40′s so uh, I’m just Old) but otherwise, yeah, love Alistair.

Dragon Age 2, I mean I usually romance Anders but... I’m not real excited about either him or Fenris, or even either of the ladies, though I have done Isabella’s romance (as well as Fenris’) and enjoyed it.  I’d probably romance Avaline (or Varric!), if she were an option.  But yeah, Anders mostly because he IS trying to do what’s right, even if he... well.  You know.  

But Dragon Age Inquisition?

Give me that Blackwall-angst.  That stoic guy trying to be a Warden who comes undone for you.  You’d think I’d go for Cullen, but hey this game gave us two paladin archetypes, though one is merely pretending, he still atones and becomes what he was trying to be, one way or another, if you let him.  I picked this paladin archtype first because I did not like Cullen based on interactions with him in DA1 & 2.  I like him well enough in DA:I but Blackwall is my guy here.

Out of all the many, many companions in SWTOR, who’s my fave?

If Aric Jorgan isn’t a Paladin-type I don’t know who is, especially since any romanceable Jedi are uh, all your female padawans (don’t get me started) until Lana (also female) comes along. 

Hell, in a very long-running 4e D&D game I played from around 2009 to 2014 where my character fell in love with our party leader’s son, married him and fought the final boss 4 months pregnant with our twins.  That character’s husband... was a paladin.  I mean look at this art my friend picked out for his character’s son:

I mean dang, who (of those who are attracted to men of this type) wouldn’t?

I always pick the Paladin.  The guy who is gonna Do What’s Right no matter what it costs him, the guy who’s gonna be loyal, the guy who may bottle up his emotions or keep them under control all the time but ultimately does what it takes to get the girl... that’s my fave.  And that’s Kaidan.

I will also say my second fave archetype is rogue-with-a-heart-of-gold, and that’s more of a Garrus or Varric (if only he were a choice!!! :( ) type.. aka my second choice in these games.

Well that was a lot more words on that subject than I meant to do, so I’m going to just say real quick here that what I love about this first conversation with Kaidan is that he’s already no dummy, he knows something is up, and warns you about it.

We’ll save talk about his backstory for another day.

Let’s head downstairs.

Yay for sped-up elevators!  What used to take like 20 seconds now takes like, four.

URDNOT WREX.

This another place where Shepard starts out just sticking their foot in their mouths completely.  I feel like this is something the game definitely has problems with here.  Shepard should know a lot more about the Genophage, like they should have about say, Spectres, even if the player doesn’t. So basically every response you can give to Wrex about the genophage and what his people are going through sounds really insensitive.  Comparing the relatively minor First Contact War with the entire galaxy more or less uniting to keep the Krogan from taking over after the Rachni war seems pretty dumb, and also like something Shepard should already know.

Loredumping on the Krogans a bunch with Wrex is necessary, but  I think it could have been done better.  Though I think there are a lot of questions about the Krogan and the Genophage that ultimately are important but go unanswered. I’m going to be honest, because generally I want my companions to be happy and ultimately I want the happiest ending I can get, I usually cure the genophage and leave Wrex in charge.  But also I don’t think that ends up with the happiest ending for the galaxy.  Everything about the genophage is terrible, how it works, how it was administered, what it’s done to the Krogan as a people, but let’s be honest, the galaxy will also be in huge trouble just from a resources perspective if each krogan woman can have hundreds (or even just dozens) of babies a year, who are gonna all live a thousand years.  There’s got to be a compromise that, eventually, hopefully Wrex works out if he’s alive at the end of ME3 or the council figures out with Wreav or whoever.  

It is kinda funny though that here, I basically met Wrex at C-Sec, told him I’d help him with Fist, sent him to my ship, and basically just kidnapped him to go help with the rest of the mission.  He wanted to be here, right?  I can only assume I’m paying him a lot.

Ashley!

I do love Ashley Williams.

I’m not going to turn this into a “Is Ashley Racist” thinkpiece.  I’ve read a lot of both sides of this argument and no, I don’t think she is.  Some pieces of her attitude do need to be kicked up a bit, for sure.  She’s got about the same issues with aliens as most of the species of the galaxy have with each other, which sometimes isn’t great, but she’s far from supporting Terra Firma.

She’s smart, she’s funny, a hell of a shot, she’s being held back due to her family name.  I would love for if someday a Wilshenko OT3 were possible.  I’d do that in an instant.  I despise the fact that you can only keep Kaidan forever if you lose Ashley forever, though I don’t see that changing even in a remaster.  Please Bioware, for the super ultra remaster?

I know I need to do another run through the game with Ashley alive. I don’t remember too much of what happens in ME3 when she’s there.

I also love that her story is so much one of family.  From her stories of her sisters, to the point that it’s her own grandfather’s legacy that’s holding her back.  She’s so grounded, she reminds us that there are civilians out there we’re keeping safe, a whole world we rarely see, up in space and in the middle of so much military conflict.

GARRUS.

First of all, whew Garrus looks amazing in the lighting and with the textures with ALOT/MEUITM.  Very handsome.

Interestingly, Garrus does not really loredump on the turians.  We absorb a lot of what we find out about the turians more naturally.  Garrus is more all about C-Sec and the general politics of the Council, of Spectres, of C-Sec.  Gonna be honest, I expected C-sec to play into the game as a whole a lot more than it did based on Garrus’ talks about it.  I mean it was always there, but Bailey ends up being the face of C-Sec 

Garrus’ Law vs. I Do What I Want attitude is a nice way to do a non-goody-two-shoes companion story without having to go evil.  I love that Garrus’ story kinda mirrors our own as players, how are we going to get things done?  Shove a blaster in people’s faces, accept collateral damage, and do whatever it takes to get it done?  OR play by the rules, compromise, and see if that fixes things.

The thing is though, Mass Effect actually is great at giving us the illusion of choice without making a huge difference in the end.  Like I mentioned before... not bringing Garrus to ME1 makes little difference in how he acts in ME2 outside of a few lines of dialog.  Lots of things are like that, like pick Ash or Kaidan on Virmire, and yes one is always gone, but 80% of the content is basically the same from there on out for either character.

There are games out now that do that choice better.  Pathfinder: Kingmaker is one I can think of.  Or Tyranny.  Things you choose can alter the endings of those games drastically, locking entire paths out of the game.  

I used to think that was what I wanted.  Until I played Kingmaker and locked myself out of things I really wanted without realizing it.  I stopped playing the game, sad that my LI dumped me and wouldn’t come back without reloading many, many hours worth of game.  Despite enjoying the game overall, I still haven’t gone back.  When I do play again, I’ll probably keep a lot of tabs open of walkthroughs and tips on how to keep things going how I want.  Kind of defeating the purpose of the game.

Anyway, I got super off track again.  The point is, Garrus is the companion that gives us the most Choice in who he is.  Which is cool.  He illustrates our Paragon vs Renegade dilemma.  And it’s neat that it does make changes in some of the things he says in the future, but overall, his story doesn’t change much no matter what you do (Unless you, ya know, get him killed in ME2).

And therein lies a problem with Mass Effect, and video games as a whole.  It’s neat to see the little changes, but it’s rare for anything to be an actual Big Change, because... that’s a loooot of work for a developer and how much more money is all that going to cost him.

At some point in the future I’ll point out how lucky we are for what we did get, though.

Heeeey it’s Chief Engineer Greg Adams!  I wonder how many people don’t even know he has a first name?  Anyway, thank you for your one short conversation in which you explain how the Normandy works (honestly, great job with explaining this, Bioware, even if the science is ???) and like three sentences on who you are.  Wasted opportunity to give you an actual character.  Glad you like Tali, though!  See you in ME3.

TALI!

Okay, I will totally accept that Shepard doesn’t know much past the basics of quarian society.  That makes a lot more sense than Shepards not knowing much about asari.  

The quarians are so much more of an original creation I feel like than a lot of what we’ve seen in the galaxy so far.  Krogan?  Basically Klingons.  Turians?  Space Romans. Asari?  Twilek/Space Elves but ALL Hot Ladies.  Qarians feel like something new though.

I mean, I guess before they had to live in suits they were pretty normal, but their entire culture doesn’t feel like something we’ve seen everyplace before.  I mean I’ve seen space (g-slur)  but, eh not really.  

And Tali herself is such a good character.  I mean, she does suffer a little from being Very Important with her father being one of five admirals in a population of six million people but, I’ll allow it.  Nobody else on the crew has Very Important Parents.  I mean Garrus’ father is a little high up in the ranks but that’s a non-factor, Ash’s grandfather was but he’s dead and never seen, Wrex’s father is a chieftan but none of those is central to their current story or as big as this one. I mean, Spacer Shep’s own mother is a captain of a ship.  Tali herself in-game isn’t that sexualized -- most of that was the fandom’s doing.  She’s young but also confident and has her shit together.  

She shoulda been a same-sex romance in ME2/3 though, damnit!

Joker. Is. Amazing. And uh, also shoulda been a romance option. 

Hey first of all, how great was it that they put in disabled representation in this game.  I have read a few posts on how it could have been better, and definitely agree, but it’s also been so important to have say, Geordi LaForge as chief engineer of the Enterprise and also Joker here, in space, being awesome on spaceships.  And he really earns his the right to his bravado in calling himself the best pilot in the galaxy.  

Also?  Casting Seth Green was such a great choice.  I couldn’t imagine Joker as anyone else.  I mean this is Bioware so we expect, and definitely got, great voice acting (except for... ugh you know, we’ll get there in ME3) but honestly Seth Green was a particularly good choice.  I don’t care that he’s covered with sixteen layers of plot armor, he deserves it.

He’s the companion that we don’t ever get to take in the squad.  (I mean, except for that brief amazing moment in ME2)

I only wish in ME1 he had as much to say as in ME2/3.  At least he gets cool snarky lines after all the major missions.

One last thing before we get off the ship for awhile, I love that the crew is actually comprised of both men AND women in ME1.  With different hairstyles and faces, and even skin tones.  It’s nice to see they didn’t just reuse the same guy over and over for the nameless NPCs.  

Well, I guess they get names in ME2. :v

Anyway, I would like to point out, that there are seventeen nameless NPCs on the Normandy.

Then there’s Adams, Tali, Garrus, Wrex, Ashley, Kaidan, Chakwas, Liara, Pressley, and Joker.

That’s twenty-seven people and eight sleep pods.  Let’s remove the aliens, who couldn’t fit in a sleep pod (Garrus and Wrex), twenty-five people.  Are there people sleeping in the sleep pods now?  There must be, right?  Everyone can’t be awake when we’re on the ship just because we’re there?  How does that math add up?  Who is sleeping where, HOW DOES IT WORK!?  

Well, that’s their problem. I got my own bed.  Kaidan can share.

Also just... don’t get me started on how stupid this is.  I mean it’s nice having a shop on the ship but... the justification is terrible.  We all know it.  He was counted as one of the 17 nameless, btw.

Okay well, I was going to get off the ship this update but this is already stupid long and honestly I don’t have too much more content to post so, I’m gonna go actually play this game!

[dearophelia]

gonna set your flag on fire (chapter 1)

Thirty years after the war, things are as close to normal as they’ll get. Garrus is the turian councilor and Olivia runs Galactic Affairs, helping the galaxy rebuild. They’ve happily settled into the life they’ve built. Their kids are grown, and out living their own lives.But something goes wrong on Nora’s latest mission. Very wrong.

chapter 01: upside down with a perfect view

(read on AO3)

or, guess who’s finally posting norafic, y’all! I’ve only been talking about this for like three years. My eternal gratitude to @nightingaleseeking and @tarysande for cheerleading this project along, you two are angels.

Note that there is a warning for eventual mindfuckery. And, as per usual, a flagrant disregard for canon.

Later, when it’s all over and Nora’s sitting on the back porch of her grandmother’s house watching the sun rise over the lake, she’ll think she should’ve told James she’d take the eezo job.

She’ll sip at her tea, tug the blanket tighter around her shoulders while the cat weaves his way around her legs, and replay that conversation with James a thousand times. The sky will turn from dusky grey to purple to warm oranges and pinks, and she’ll wish she’d accepted his offer – he gave her an out, and she ignored it.

She should’ve taken the eezo job. Instead, she took the Cerberus mission.

Hindsight.

***

7 September 2191 - 23 years earlier

Olivia scrubs a hand over her face as the elevator makes its slow descent to deck three. Eight years since the end of the war, four since they cobbled enough of the relay system back together that the galaxy could begin to function again, and it still feels like they’re fighting: reaper cults keep growing even though they’ve long since found a cure for indoctrination, there’s always an alliance-ending diplomatic crisis somewhere, and they’ve been playing whack-a-mole with stray Cerberus cells for years. It’s nice not to have to dodge banshees and brutes, or worry about the imminent end of the universe, but there are days she would like the galaxy to take care of its own bullshit for an hour so she can take a nap.

This is one of those days. She started out mediating the third day of an argument between Wrex and one of the new dalatrasses about blueprints salarian architects drew up for the Tuchanka rebuilding effort, she ate half her lunch while on a vidcall with Liara listening to intel on banshee worshippers out on the Far Rim (as far as she knows, the other half is still in her office), and spent the next two hours holed up in the AI Core reading a stack of reports while avoiding Cortez and the embedded reporter who won’t leave either of them alone.

She misses Allers.

Their stop at Tereshkova was only long enough to refuel and pick up Abby Williams and whatever recon she found on her latest mission. Olivia loves the Normandy, even more in its third incarnation, but she’s glad she isn’t her captain anymore. Four days back to the Citadel, and then she’s home - at least until the next time the Council decides she’s needed for face-to-face diplomacy. She has three messages from Garrus on her omnitool, and hasn’t had a chance to check them all day.

The elevator doors open and she nods at Ashley, waiting for her.

“It’s a kid,” Ashley says, uncrossing her arms as they fall into step with each other.

“What?”

“The data Abby picked up – it’s a kid. A girl. She was the only one left alive.”

Olivia stops and turns to Ashley. “This is your ship now, but you seriously let a kid from a Cerberus station on board?”

Ashley nods. “It’s not like we didn’t take any precautions.” She points.

The usually-occupied mess area is empty of barely-awake lieutenants and hungry sergeants, replaced instead by a contingent of marines, armed and standing at the ready; four more stand guard inside the medbay. Olivia looks through the medbay windows and sees a small girl sitting inside a sealed glass container set on one of the exam tables. Mass effect field generators clamped to the container’s corners glow faintly blue, and she recognizes the symbol painted on its sides: the container will withstand a ten-ton thermonuclear explosion inside of it. “Fair enough,” she says.

Abby steps out of the medbay. As tall as her older sister, she’s leaner, built for speed instead of Ashley’s muscle. She’s still in her lithe armor, with her sword still strapped to her back. “Captain,” she salutes Olivia, “Commander,” she turns to Ashley.

“At ease, Lieutenant,” Ashley says. “What’s going on?”

Abby exhales heavily. “We got some intel about a Cerberus station orbiting Rayingiri. I went in –”

“Alone?” Ashley asks, ever the older sister.

Silently, Abby points to the N7 on her chest and the two crossed swords beneath it, identifying her Shadow designation. “I went in, just to get recon; Liselle and Rosie were on their way to back me up for the attack. I guess the op was blown somehow: everyone on that station was dead before I got there – suicide. They all had their heads half blown off from that capsule thing in their teeth.”

Olivia grimaces. She’s seen no shortage of grisly scenes, but that’s particularly nasty. “What about the girl?”

“Rosie hacked the station records. Her name’s Nora Milton, three and a half. Father died last year in that raid in the Hades Nexus, mother was an engineer on the station, working on a Cerberus project code named Damocles.”

Olivia’s attention shifts back to the girl in the glass box. She’s tucked herself up into the back corner, as far away from the guards and Doctor Chakwas as she can get, hugging her knees to her chest. “And Damocles is?”

Abby shrugs and shakes her head. “No idea. They wiped most of their servers. All we got was a crew manifest, shipping logs, and some low-security email. Nothing that flagged Alliance intelligence when we ran it past them.”

“Send it to me,” Olivia says. “I know people who may be able to do more with it.” Liara’s had her own troubles getting anything out of the remaining Cerberus cells, but she may have more luck than the Alliance.

Abby nods. “Sure.”

“Thanks, Abby,” Ashley says. She lightly squeezes her sister’s arm before heading toward the medbay doors. She gestures for Olivia to go first.

Doctor Chakwas looks up at the whoosh of the doors and waves the two women over. Olivia pauses to smile at the scared girl, but none of them trust Cerberus not to use a three-year-old girl as a bomb.

“Physically,” Chakwas says as she pulls up a series of scans on her monitor, “she’s mostly normal. Probably dehydrated and a little malnourished, I’ll know more once we get a blood test, but she looks like a perfectly healthy three-year-old human.”

“I hear a but coming,” Ashley says. Olivia nods in agreement.

“And correctly so.” Chakwas taps on the display and it zooms in on the girl’s brain. She points at a tiny square in the middle. “She has a microchip implanted near her cerebrum.”

Olivia’s eyes narrow. “I think we can safely assume that’s not good.” She clenches her jaw as she flashes back to a few uncomfortable conversations with Miranda. Nora’s a toddler. “Can you get it out?”

The doctor shakes her head. “It’s deep in her brain, and she’s very young. Even with the Citadel’s surgical AIs, the risk of brain damage or death are extremely high.”

“How about turning it off?” Ashley suggests.

“EDI’s working on that,” Chakwas says. “She’s also sent the information to Tali.”

Olivia looks over her shoulder. The girl’s still curled up in her corner, but she’s watching the three of them with wide eyes. “Besides the chip,” she turns back to Chakwas, “is there anything else wrong with her? Any indication that she’s going to explode or start some sort of virus...anything?”

“I haven’t been able to check her directly while she’s in the box, but no, not that my scans have shown.”

Olivia looks at Ashley. She’d let Nora out, but the Normandy isn’t her ship anymore, and Doctor Chakwas and the guards outside aren’t her crew. “Your ship, your call.”

Ashley presses her lips together. She looks up at the display screen, to Nora, to Olivia, and back to Nora. “She’s three,” she says, “if the chip does do anything, I think we can take her.” She turns to one of the guards. “Clear the entire deck. In five minutes, we’re opening that box.” He nods and rushes out with the others. She taps her omnitool. “Vega.”

“Yeah, Boss?”

“In five minutes, Shepard and I are opening a container holding a very small child who may or may not be a Cerberus booby trap. I need you to put the ship into lockdown and get ready to quarantine the deck if necessary.”

“Uh, are you sure that’s wise?”

“No,” Ashley says. “But she’s three years old and we can’t keep her in a glass box forever.”

“Lockdown in effect,” he says as a low alarm pulses through the ship, “and Level 4 quarantine on standby.”

A quiet whimper escapes from Nora’s throat and her eyes fill with tears. Olivia taps a command into a nearby medical console, and the alarm silences inside the medbay. Nora sniffles.

“Thanks, Vega.” Ashley ends the call and looks at Olivia. “You want to take this? You’ve actually got kids.”

“They’re eight and ten and turian, Ash. My frame of reference isn’t exactly wider than yours here.” One of the messages from Garrus was a photo. Quentus had his first durak tournament today. She hopes it went well; he was so excited.

“Okay. How about – you’ve actually been a Cerberus experiment before?”

“Does Traynor know you’re this reluctant to be around kids?”

“I’m not,” Ashley says. “Except when they were the only one left alive on a station full of dead people and we’re keeping them in a box built to contain a ten-ton nuke.”

“Wimp.” Olivia grins and steps up to the box. She gives Nora her best reassuring smile.

Ashley checks her watch and, after five minutes have passed, taps her command code into the box’s control panel. It beeps, and the latch unlocks with a hiss. Slowly, and with a low mechanical hum, the top panel retracts.

Nora looks up, eyes even wider. Her lower lip starts to quiver, and she looks straight at Olivia.

“It’s okay,” she tells her, “we’re getting you out of there.”

As soon as the top fully retracts, Ashley and Olivia unlatch the front side, laying it down on the bed, leaving Nora sitting in a three-walled box.

Nora blinks once, twice, and then scrambles to the edge of the bed and wraps her arms around Olivia’s waist. She moves so fast she scrapes her arm on one of the hinges, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

“Oh!” Olivia exclaims. She runs her fingers through the ends of Nora’s tangled brown curls and sets her other hand on her back. Nora presses her face into her stomach. “It’s okay, sweetie,” she whispers.

The entire medbay holds its breath.

“So,” Ashley says after ten minutes have passed without incident. “Not a bomb.”

Olivia shakes her head. Nora hasn’t let go, and so neither has she. “Not a bomb.”

“Any sign of contagion?” Ashley asks Chakwas.

“None.”

Ashley exhales. “It’s nice to be wrong sometimes.”

While Ashley calls Vega and tells him to lift the lockdown and take his finger off the quarantine trigger, Olivia looks down at the small girl still hugging her tight. A thin trail of blood trickles down Nora’s arm from the scrape. Olivia gestures for Chakwas to come over and check her out.

“Can I have your arm, please?” Chakwas asks.

Nora shakes her head and hugs even tighter.

“Nora,” Olivia says quietly, “I need you to let go so the doctor can look at you.” Again, Nora shakes her head. “I’ll be right here. You can sit on my lap.”

After a moment, Nora loosens her arms, but doesn’t let go. Olivia shifts and lifts Nora up, settling her on her hip as she carries her over to another exam table – one without the bomb-proof box on it. She sits Nora on the table and then hops up and crosses her legs underneath her. “Come here,” she says, and Nora scrambles into her lap. Nora settles, pressing her back into Olivia’s chest, and Olivia rests her arms around Nora’s waist.

Chakwas scans the scrape, and then runs a dermal regenerator over her arm. “There we go,” she says.

Nora whimpers, but otherwise doesn’t make a sound.

***

By the time she finally gets to call Garrus, it’s well past two in the morning at home on the Citadel. She at least had a chance to read his messages at dinner: a good morning smiley face, an update on the batarian trade agreement discussions (going about as terribly as she anticipated), Nico’s report card was all top marks, Quentus and his team won and will advance to the next round (sent with a picture of her eldest, pointing at the scoreboard and grinning proudly), and a final message asking if she was okay. She sent him a quick response – crazy day, will call, probably late – thankful for autocorrect, as Nora kept trying to grab her arm and put it back around her.

Nora’s sound asleep in the bed. She was quiet – almost happy – throughout the entire day, through a lengthy round of medical tests, through a half bath/half shower that had Olivia, Abby, and most of the women’s bathroom soaked by the end, and quiet even through Olivia combing out her hair. But the minute Olivia tried to settle her in for the night, tucked in amongst a pile of pillows on a bed in the medbay, Nora started crying. Tears turned to screams when Olivia stepped away and turned off the light.

Olivia took some spare blankets and pillows from the crew quarters, settled Nora into her bed, and made a makeshift bed for herself on the couch. She’s left the door unlocked, a concession to everyone’s paranoia, in case anything happens in the middle of the night and the two guards standing outside need to storm in.

“I wonder why she imprinted on you so hard,” Garrus says, after she’s told him everything.

Though she’s exhausted, Olivia manages a smirk for her husband. “Oh, come on. I’m totally lovable.”

“You are,” his mandibles flutter, “but that’s not what I meant, Shepard.”

Olivia sighs and rests her head in her hands. “I know Cerberus isn’t known for their humanitarianism, but she’s so little, Garrus. Who the hell puts a control chip inside a three-year-old?” The why of it gnaws at her even more.

“Olivia,” he says gently, in a similar voice to the one he uses with their boys when they have a nightmare.

She inhales and looks up. “I’m fine,” she says, though by his lifted brow plate she can tell he doesn’t believe her. She pushes her hair out of her face. “EDI and Tali think they have a way to turn off the chip, so we’re going to try that in the morning. How are the boys?” She wanted to talk to them before they went to bed tonight. She misses them.

“Nico made me promise to actually show you his grades,” Garrus taps on his omnitool, and hers lights up with a new message and an image attachment, “and Quentus scored two goals today.”

Her omnitool lights up again, this time with a video attachment. She opens the picture while the video downloads, and smiles. Nico struggles to make friends in school, but he doesn’t struggle with the academics at all; even at eight, he’s so proud of his grades. She presses play on the video, keeping the volume quiet, and watches proudly as Quentus makes two goals in a row.

“I wanted to be there,” she says wistfully.

“He knows,” Garrus assures her. “And he also knows that sometimes Uncle Wrex needs you in the room to keep him from eating someone.”

“Still,” she sighs. She’s missed games before, they both have, but it was his first tournament. Hopefully his team will stay in after the next round, and she’ll get to see him play when she’s back home.

“Are you on schedule to be home next week?”

“Yes,” she nods. “And if Wrex and the dalatrass haven’t sorted out their differences by then, they can bite me.”

“The ship’s still in one piece after three days. You may not have them drinking tea together, but they’ll come to an agreement.”

“Okay, now I’m just thinking about Wrex with a teacup,” she laughs quietly.

His mandibles flick open in a grin. “Good. Get some sleep, Liv.”

“You too. I’ll call you tomorrow, hopefully a little earlier.”

“Alright. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She ends the vidcall and her monitor goes dark, leaving the room lit only by stars outside and faint light coming around the half-shut door of the bathroom.

Nora shifts and makes a quiet sleepy huff as her feet gently kick at the blankets.

“I hope this works tomorrow,” Olivia whispers to herself.

***

“Ah, Shepard?” Chakwas says, as EDI finishes her calculations. “You shouldn’t be standing there when they do this.”

Olivia opens her mouth to ask why, but she follows the doctor’s gaze down to her leg. Oh. It’s not that she forgets her right leg is a cybernetic prosthetic now, it’s that it hasn’t bothered her for a few days and she’s had other things on her mind. “Right.” From what she understands, the EMP will be targeted toward Nora’s brain, but it’s still best not to risk it.

“We’re ready, Shepard,” Tali says from the monitor.

She looks down at Nora sitting on the exam table beside her. Nora’s kept her wide eyes on the EMP minigun since EDI set it up. She doesn’t seem scared of it, just staring at something new.

“You ready?” Olivia doubts Nora fully understands what’s about to happen, but she’s not going to give Tali the go ahead if Nora isn’t sure.

Nora looks up at her and blinks.

It’s not a no.

“I’ll be right here,” she says, and takes a few steps away out of range. She nods to Tali and EDI. “Go ahead.”

Tali taps at her controls, transmitting the code to EDI. “All yours,” she says.

EDI nods, and presses a few buttons on the side of the EMP gun. There’s a series of short beeps, and then EDI turns to Olivia and Chakwas. “It’s completed.”

Olivia raises an eyebrow. She’d expected…more. “That’s it?”

“Yes.”

She looks at Nora, who doesn’t look any different. “Did it work?”

Chakwas runs a handheld scanner over Nora’s head, and peers at the results displaying on the bedside manner. “It’s no longer emitting a signal.” She looks over her shoulder at Tali and EDI, both waiting expectantly. “It looks like it worked.”

Olivia nods slowly. “Send a message to Miranda,” she tells EDI, “have her meet us when we dock at the Citadel. It’s not that I don’t trust your work, guys, it’s –”

“That you don’t trust Cerberus wouldn’t put failsafes into place in case anyone tried what we just did,” Tali says.

“Bingo.”

“We can pretend we’re still working, if you want to avoid the dalatrass a little longer,” Tali teases.

Olivia grimaces. “It’s a miracle I haven’t gotten at least five nasty messages from her yet.” She owes Cortez an entire bar’s worth of drinks for keeping the dalatrass at bay this morning.

“Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Will do. Thanks again, Tali.”

“No problem, Shepard.” Her vidcall blinks out.

Olivia turns back to Nora, only to find Chakwas looking at her with a distinctly pointed look. “What?”

“Nora is welcome to stay. But you cannot avoid the dalatrass all day by hiding in here.”

Aware that she sounds like a petulant child, yet not caring in the least, Olivia huffs. She almost misses Linron and Isheel. Almost. “Fine.” She takes a deep breath and turns to Nora. “I’ll be back at the end of the day, okay?”

Nora just blinks.

Olivia supposes if she watched the heads of everyone she knew explode, she wouldn’t talk either. She gently tucks Nora’s hair behind her ear and smiles. “Call me if she needs anything.”

Chakwas nods. “Of course.”

But as soon as Olivia has one foot out the door, Nora sniffles and starts to cry.

Olivia stops in her tracks and walks back to Nora. She can’t avoid the negotiations – she really does need to resolve things between the dalatrass and Wrex – but it looks like she can’t leave Nora, either. Everyone will just have to deal with a small human child sitting at the negotiating table.

***

"What do you think the Alliance will do with her?" Garrus asks later that night, when she sits back down after getting Nora a glass of water and settling her back to bed.

Olivia shrugs. "Run a thousand tests on her," she surmises. "Keep her in a cage, mess with the chip, see what it does." As if Nora needs more time spent in a science lab with people poking her. Sighing heavily, she rests her head in her hands and looks at him through her fingers. "What she needs is a family, but they'll never let her go for proper adoption."

Garrus tilts his head and looks at her softly. "They might if it was us."

She raises her head, blinking at her husband. Her mind started down that same path earlier, but was blocked by a thousand different arguments: physical space, time, busy schedules, two parents wrangling three kids under ten. Their sons.

"Liv, you know they're never going to let a civilian take her. And she already seems attached to you."

Olivia bites her lip and looks away. "I don't want Quentus and Nico to think – I don't know." She's unsure how to voice that concern to him. Both boys have needed a lot from their parents, which she and Garrus have been so willing and happy to give, and she doesn't want them to feel like suddenly they're going to have less. They lost their birth parents to the war; the last thing she wants is for her sons to worry that they're not important anymore, or that she and Garrus are going to leave them too.

"I'll talk to them," he says gently. "See what they think about maybe having a little sister."

"You haven't even met her," she says, though she knows that’s not even remotely a problem. Garrus has always been kind to those important to him, and he's grown impossibly kinder since becoming a father. He's light years away, and that kindness already extends to Nora.

His mandibles flutter. "She likes you," he says. "She clearly has good judgment."

She laughs quietly, a slight heat rising to her cheeks. Almost ten years, and he can still make her blush with a simple compliment. "Dork."

Before Garrus can respond, there's a noise behind him that sounds suspiciously like two young turian boys racing each other down the stairs.

Garrus looks over his shoulder. "Incoming," he confirms.

"Is that Mom?" Nico asks, off camera still.

"Mom, I made two goals today!" Quentus shouts, followed by the scrape of a kitchen chair urgently pushed out of the way.

Olivia scrambles for her earbuds so the excitement doesn't wake up Nora. Within seconds of getting the buds connected and in her ears, Quentus and Nico have both popped their heads up into the camera in front of Garrus. They're a little too close at first and fill the screen completely, competing to take up the most space, until Garrus pushes the monitor back a bit.

"When are you coming home? I miss you."

"Dad let us have ice cream for dinner."

Garrus clears his throat and looks down at his eldest. "We weren’t going to tell her that."

Laughing softly, Olivia smiles at the three most important people in her life. "I miss you guys too," she says. "I'll be home on Friday," she promises. "How was your day?"

As their sons excitedly tell her about their days, she briefly glances over their heads at Garrus. Her eyes lock with his, and he gives her a little nod. Smiling, she focuses her attention on Quentus retelling, in very animated detail, his game-winning goal.

***

Miranda spends a long time in silence, looking at Nora’s scans.

Just when Olivia almost can’t stand the silence anymore, Miranda turns. “It’s a control chip. It’s a different model than I considered using, but it is definitely a control chip.” She steps to the side, gesturing for them to join her at the monitor. “Do you see those thin lines radiating from it?” She points on the screen and as soon as she sees what Miranda’s pointing at, Olivia wonders how she didn’t see the lines before. They’re light, but clear.

“Those are wires connecting to her memory centers. This design was still experimental when I was with Cerberus, evidently they’ve moved it into production.” Miranda looks at Chakwas. “You were correct not to operate. There hasn’t been time for her brain to grow around the chip, but it’s beginning to,” she points to faint shadows. “Given how young she is, surgery will cause permanent damage, and would likely kill her.”

"Then how did they implant it?" Chakwas asks.

Miranda glances back to the monitor. "The wires are grown post-implantation via nanotechnology. It’s likely you could surgically remove the chip itself, but the wires are the problem. Without knowing how they work, I wouldn’t recommend leaving them in there unconnected."

“Does Project Damocles ring a bell?” Olivia asks, before the two women can begin down a conversational black hole about pediatric neurosurgery neither she nor Ashley has half a hope of understanding.

Miranda shakes her head. “Unfortunately, no. Cerberus cells operated mostly independently. I only knew of a small handful of projects other than Lazarus. I’d imagine they’re even more independent now.”

"Any ideas why Cerberus might implant a control chip into a toddler?" Olivia’s been doing her best to ignore that reality, but the question has to be asked.

"Yes," Miranda says. "All of which you’ve probably thought of already, and none of them good."

Olivia shudders. She’s come up with plenty of theories, and they’re all terrifying.

“Okay, I’m just gonna ask,” Ashley says. “Is she safe? Can we let her off the ship?”

Miranda shrugs. “It’s been deactivated. Control chips work in one of two ways: either orders are transmitted directly to it, or there’s a designated controller whose voice activates the chip. Even if you hadn’t deactivated it, the likelihood of anyone knowing she’s alive to receive orders or encounter the controller are monumentally slim.”

Olivia shares a look with Ashley and Chakwas. “Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.” She swallows. She’s long made her peace with Miranda’s confession, but that doesn’t mean it sits well.

“Well, it’s off,” Miranda says. “It doesn’t matter either way.”

“Her brain is still very young. Surgery isn’t a viable solution, and the chip and wires are microscopic, but I am concerned about the effects of a foreign object on her development,” Chakwas says, staring again at the scan.

Miranda purses her lips and takes a moment before responding. “I know Cerberus hasn’t always had the most responsible scientific practices, and I doubt they’ve improved in the wake of the Illusive Man’s death. Nora may very well be their first attempt, and she may be facing extreme developmental problems. Or, she could be the end of the experimental line and they got it right. Or, they could have perfected it years ago and she could be one of many. There’s no way to know for sure.”

Ashley stares at Miranda and then scoffs. She crosses her arms. “None of those is a comforting thought.”

“No,” Olivia agrees, and looks out the medbay windows. Nora’s sitting next to James at a table in the mess, playing with empty MRE boxes, the closest non-explosive thing to blocks they could find. Nora looks up from her tower and waves at Olivia. Olivia waves back; Nora started to cry when she left her with James to go speak with Miranda, but settled when she realized she could see Olivia through the window. Olivia dreads what happens when they get off the ship – when Nora has to go the Alliance, and she has to go home.

“I think the next question is: what does the Alliance plan to do with her?” Miranda asks.

Olivia exhales slowly. “That is a great question.”

[jes-wan]

My Mass Effect Season 1, reasons for decisions

Stop! Spoilers ahead! If you haven’t watched my edit of Mass Effect into a series then don’t continue, unless you don’t care to be spoiled and have played the game then continue. Otherwise you can find the link to my Season 2 edit here:

https://m.youtube.com/#/playlist?list=PLgqgvhGTd3y-dPSgLw3XEYbaDPYqvmzsA

Below is my rationale for the decisions and narrative I edited together for Mass Effect Season 1.

Why Mass Effect?

I chose Mass Effect as my first game to series conversion because of its ability to chose your own narrative. Shepard’s story not matter how you play it is one of struggle and achievement, it also does a great job in dealing with real world problems of today, diversity, racism, capitalism etc.

Choosing a lead.

Whereas, both voice actors are outstanding, Jennifer Hale provides us with a more grounded performance and grows nicely into the role as the series continues. However, Mark remains very constant from start to finish. I feel viewers will have more an emotional connection to Jennifer by the end of Mass Effect 3. Yes that is a conformation that I will convert it all.

Who is Commander Shepard?

I chose the Earth background with the Akuze tragic background because I wanted her to be driven but not broken. We learn from our mistakes, and in Shepard’s case failing her entire unit is motivation. Same goes for escaping the gangs of Earth. Both of these leave Shepard with an edge to her personality, she won’t be shy about telling people they’re being pathetic, especially if it prevents her from saving people. Yet, this doesn’t stop Shepard from doing what is morally right. This Shepard I believe removes those barriers of just because you’re not always polite doesn’t mean you aren’t a hero.

Why did you make Shepard a lesbian/bi-sexual?

Simply I didn’t, that may be your perception but it’s actually a lot more complicated than that. This Shepard before Liara would have probably identified herself as straight. She admits to having feelings for Kaiden. Where Liara complicates this with her connection to Shepard, because of the visions she basically invaded her mind. A connection like that, is hard to shake, Shepard is clearly confused with her feelings but is happy to accept the universe is chaotic and love especially is. You have to remember too Liara isn’t female either per-say she is mono-gender.

If Shepard cared so much about Kaiden why did she save Ash?

First, Shepard had to send Kaiden with the Salarians, he has the leadership experience to command. What it comes down to is Shepard wasn’t going to risk the Geth disarming the Nuke. She’s learnt that lesson before, no matter how much she cares for Kaiden she won’t risk the universe for it. Shepard doesn’t have feelings for Ash, but does see a lot of herself in her, like the drive to succeed. However, Ash is very willing to throw herself on a sword to make up for her family’s perceived dishonour, yet Shepard doesn’t want to see her go down her that road, believing there is a better way.

Any regrets?

I regret some of the scenes in episode 1 which could have been artistically a lot better. Also Vigil, which is a bit long, I can see why Bioware wanted to leave everything till the end. But for narrative it was too much information in one hit.

What’s up with the post credits ending?!

I felt this is what Bioware would have wanted if they could go back in time. Those scenes fit much better as an ending to Mass Effect than in Mass Effect 2. Plus, it gives viewers a reason to come back. Those who don’t know the story asked me, what happens to Shepard now, that can’t be right?

What’s install for how you edit Mass Effect Season 2?

Season 2 will be a lot more character focused and it will have more episodes. It’s more of an adventure and a story of trust in the next one. Combat will be 100 times easier to edit too; where it’s very clunky for season 1. Also the music score for 2 and 3 are simply amazing!

Thanks for reading!

[crqstalite]

ghosts.

to be entirely honest, i got overly ambitious with this one. another wip i started earlier this year and decidedly didn’t finish. you’ll probably be able to tell where the original ended i picked it back up -- but i liked the concept, so here it is.

f!shenko. post-alchera, post-me1. mention of major character death.

-

"I've never liked attending funerals, mourning people in general. Reminds me of everything I failed to do, and if I couldn't do anything, then that I should've been able to," Her eyes bore into his, head in her hands, "It's so many should'ves, and not enough 'dids'."

"You did all you could."

She's just out of reach, eyes downcast at the gardens of the Presidium. Still smoking, still mangled. She'd always said she hated the color black, hated mourning, but had worn it anyway. He's not sure what to do, looking at her standing there, but he reaches out for her anyway, "Did I?"

"Kaidan?" He retracts his hand from where he'd reached, pushing his elbows off the railing to face Liara. Dressed in black, accepting the human tradition though looking uncomfortable. Tired, not all there with dark circles etched underneath her eyes, "Tali is looking for you."

It takes him a moment to find his voice as Shepard disappears, Liara taking her place, "Why?"

"She...wanted to say goodbye before returning to the flotilla." Her voice is quiet, hoarse. The Asari hadn't been taking the death well, one of the more affected crewmates after the tragedy. He doesn't know why, but it isn't as if she didn't care for Shepard as well.

"So soon?" It'd only been a few weeks since Alchera, not even a full month yet. He hadn't expected anyone to stay if they didn't want to, the investigation against Saren had been over for months now. And they had only been here for Shepard regardless. Now, they didn't have any reason to be together, much less on the same ship. He didn't expect to become so attached to all of them, watching them go wasn't something he wanted to do.

"She didn't give any reasoning to her departure, if you were wondering," Liara answers, "Possibly, she isn't interested in staying."

"Is there anyone staying?"

"Garrus mentioned wanting to return to Citadel Security. I believe Wrex will return to either his mercenary lifestyle, or to Tuchanka," She pauses, turning her big blue eyes back to him. It was odd to think she was still just on the cusp of becoming a young adult in Asari culture, yet at times, times like these, was when her younger nature came through. The whites of her eyes were a bloodshot red, puffy. She'd been crying again.

"I trust Liara. She's a bit naive, but she's brilliant. Wish I was like that when I was her age -- or however that translates to us humans," Shepard's voice again, as if she's standing behind him. Her fingers ghosting over his own, her head on his shoulder, "Poor girl though. Losing her mother. Can't imagine how much that hurts. She doesn't talk about it, little worried she's deflecting from the problem entirely."

"I met her family today. They were very kind, and expressed their gratitude that I'd been a friend of her's. They didn't seem surprised, but I suppose when one dies, no one acknowledges the fact you're Asari. Only that you knew them in their life, and they cared about you enough to tell those they cared about who you were," Liara continues, snapping him out of his thoughts as Shepard's presence fades, "Losing their daughter though, that must've been devastating for them. She was a lovely person."

"It never gets easier," He responds in agreement. He hadn't had the heart to talk to Captain Shepard when he'd seen her around. He's almost glad he hadn't seen the youngest Shepard daughter milling around, after having met her after Shepard's first near death experience, Kaidan doesn't think he could find any other words to comfort her with, "I can't imagine what they're going through."

"I understand you were close to her, Lieutenant. I will not pry, but I offer what condolences I can," She offers him a gentle smile, pulling at the corners of her mouth while a tear slides down her cheek, lip quivering, "I did not expect for her to become so much to me so quickly. Why I find myself more upset about this than the events of Noveria, I'm surely broken."

"You're not broken, Liara. It's natural to grieve."

"For someone you knew for a few months instead of the woman who raised you?" Liara questions, "I think about this, some days. Had she not come to find me on Therum, whether I'd even be here today. How even though I was an alien to her, that she still cared for me as a friend. She did not mind me, in fact enjoyed my company. She did not poke fun at me when I didn't understand human mannerisms. She taught, she guided. Answer me this, Kaidan, why was she so important? Why is it impossible to stop thinking about her?"

I wish I knew, "She was a friend. Inspired a lot of people. She appreciated everyone, gave them purpose. It's normal for us to miss her, she gave her life so the rest of us could get off the Normandy," He answers, "There aren't a lot of people like her. Doubt we'll meet another Shepard in our lifetimes."

"Ashley gave her life to save ours, Kaidan. Maybe it was because of us, maybe I will feel horrible about it for the rest of my life, but I don't think I made the wrong decision, if that's what you're asking. I...would've switched places with her in a heartbeat, if it meant both of you would live. But fate doesn't work that way, and I chose you."

She'd been a mess then. Angry, frustrated, sad. Pacing around the mess late at night when she couldn't get to sleep -- he'd watched her fall apart. Losing Ashley had destroyed her, and yet she somehow made it sound like the right decision. It echoes in his head.

He still wonders if she chose right. He wonders if he chose right, going ahead to the escape pod instead of stubbornly staying with Shepard and forcing her along with him.

Now he'd never know.

"I suppose," She says shakily, gently wiping away rogue tears with delicate hands, "Ah, you are right. Still, she is someone I will not forget easily, but grief is finite. It is better we see her for how she was in life -- someone we were lucky to meet."

"That's all we can do," He agrees. And he echoes the sentiment, maybe it had been luck that drew them together. Maybe circumstance, he can't quite place it, "You know Shepard, she wouldn't have wanted us to wallow in that sadness."

"I do not believe Shepard intended to die," Liara gives him a quizzical look at the comment, before a gleam of understanding flashes through her eyes, "Oh. No, I suppose not. I do hope that where she's gone, that she's at least at peace for once. She's done so much for the galaxy, it is only fair that she finally rests."

"Vancouver, you said?" Liara grows quiet while Shepard's presence fades back, "I like the idea. Never been up there, but after this cruise, we'll carve a little time out for us. How's that sound?"

Her grin isn't really there, nor is the kiss that she'd pressed to his cheek just a moment after the sentiment was made. None of her is, "Yeah. It's only fair."

Liara takes her leave a little while later, the silence beginning to suffocate the both of them. The procession begins to thin out sometime after that, but he's still struggling to wrap his head around it. And he shouldn't be, not after she's already been gone so long. A part of him misses her more than he can verbalize, or even really rationalize.

What he'd give to have her back.

"The galaxy didn't end after Virmire, as much as I was convinced it would. Ash’s mom even called me once. I thanked her daughter for her service, and we talked for a while. Didn’t rip in to me for it, even though I deserved it," Soft, yet firm. He remembers how she'd leaned against a railing similar to this one, a lazy half-grin on her face before turning to him, "If anything happens to me, no one sets the galaxy ablaze. That's how we get villain origin stories."

He should move on, he hasn't even known her that long, and yet she's all that he can think about.

He's not sure he wants to live in a galaxy without her.