#toff.asks

[neo-shitty]

so i caught up with the manga 🤠 and would like to request asagiri cover my therapy bills (i think i need a day or two to recuperate and then i'll get started on the anime 🙂) did you fully catch up already btww!!

kesya omg HAHA yeah as of this week, the anime really has caught up with the manga. so… what do we do now? i’m updated with the manga but i haven’t gotten around to series yet. BUT it will be among my priorities, with everything else going on with my life rn. i simply CANNOT afford to put it off any longer. idk if i’m just being avoidant, or just swamped with school work (maybe both) but YEAHHHHHH HOW DID CATCHING UP GOOOOO I’LL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS I CAN CATCH UP. I PROMISE.

[sukuru]

i can’t write for my anime boys for shit but i do have two chuuya fics in my arsenal :’D and idk if it’d be worth it to post it hsjkdk might also repost some of my other works here BUT IDKKK

[ubehyuck]

❝ everything passes. she bears this remembrance—the knowledge that everything she has clung to will fall away from her and vanish. ❞ — the white book, han kang

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚  hello, i am toffee, 20, she/her, infp-t. 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒 :: semi-hiatus. currently studying for midterms !! carrd  ◦  masterlist ◦ taglist form​

╰┈➤  latest works !

ten feet deep, still sinking - mark lee, 2.8k slow dancing in a burning room - lee donghyuck, 14.1k timepiece - lee minho, 2.9k

#TAG GUIDE.

#toff.txt - thought dump | #toff.asks (+ url) - answered asks | #toff.feedbacks - writing reviews | #toff.reads - fic recommendations | toff.writes - unorganized writing dump | #toff.tags - tag games | ask me if you can - ask games | #collab: (name) - collab tracking | fic: (name) - writing notes, word count trackers | tl: (name) - fic taglist tracker | .brainfart - ugly ass tag for brainchildren | #thats toff buddy - personal rants & other negative things | #unwarranted updates - shit no one asked for (fic related) | #unwarranted opinions - more shit no one asked for (mv/song reactions) | #misc - unrelated, reblog bait | #serotonin - for mental health purposes | #bookmark - safe-keeping | #congratulations all versions - milestone tag | #now reading - aggressive word gobbling | #now watching - post-eyeburning session talk

[neo-shitty]

ahh congrats on finishing midterm!! sending u party toot thingies so we can toot party toot things together toot toot (idk what theyre called)

but for the firectors cut!! if i can be so selfish as to ask for two..

⭐️ meet me where the flowers are

⭐️ thou shall not die

literally anything you wanna say about them pls maam i'll be happy w mere crumbs

(i actually went back to ur m.list and i really wanna reread these)

thank you so much! sorry it took me a day to reply, i was waiting for one final midterm (i was technically done with majors but this one subj just felt important to make me wait a whole damn day only to never issues the exam <3 i am fucking pissed) it's not selfish to ask for two! you could've asked for more and i wouldn't bat an eye.

meet me where the flowers are - hwang hyunjin

oh, the love of my life. i think i spent days trying to find the right word combination to open the fic. i wasn’t heading anywhere with anything and i had rows upon rows of opening lines until i finally found the right one. it took a while, i can even remember just letting it sit in my drafts, completely given up on. but alas, i came up with the right word combination and with a plot already ready, i got to writing.

three inspirations: the k-drama youth of may which i finished days before i started writing this, the song hain ka by bullet dumas, and my frustration towards the results of our national elections. i came up with this at a restaurant (haha i remember looking at a chair across the room and imagining hyunjin sitting there? yk, like in that scene?) but i think the ride there was the actual medium. it gave me time to think about all three of them and before i knew it, i was typing this down on my notes app.

i was mad then, hearing the news of the son of a dictator leading the race for presidency. i couldn’t fathom how people allowed this blatant repetition of history to happen. i heard of stories of corruption, abuse, torture and killings back when that man’s father was in power and they ousted him and his family for it. only to have the same damn hands welcome them back into power 4 decades later. fucking hell. but, as enraged as i was, this story wasn’t written out of hatred (maybe a little bit haha). this was born out of grief towards people i never got to know but people who nonetheless only had the country’s best interest in mind. they fought back and lost their lives for it. everything that they fought for, all for nothing. (im not gonna bore you with politics tho so!! moving on!!)

i watched youth of may not knowing that the story would take a similar turn. turns out 80s in korea and 80s where i’m from weren’t too different lol lots of governments enforcing martial law and justifying extrajudicial killings as part of their duty <3 the gwangju massacre was a lockdown on an area where the SK gov’t suspected NK spies resided. and it frustrates me how a room full of people could issue a few commands to kill off a hundred innocent people just because of poorly supported suspicions. same goes for my country back then. and while i was very fortunate to live in a region where the dictator had some sort of bias towards, i never suffered losing someone directly. but i’ve heard enough stories, watched too many documentaries to still live in this bubble of neutrality. 

then there’s ‘hain ka’ which translates into ‘where are you’. it’s a song written in my mother tongue making it more personal than literally anything else on my playlist. it tells a story of someone wondering what life would be like if the person they miss was still around. it breaks my heart every time i listen to it and it hurts no matter which way i listen to it. be it from the perspective of a friend suffering a fall out or a person grieving over someone who has passed away. YOU KNOW I’D BE HAPPY TO TRANSLATE THE WHOLE THING FOR YOU, that is if you want me to.

tldr; it’s a very personal fic, second only to ghosting. and it might be the first fic where i tackle a topic out of the ordinary fic scope. it’s borderline reality disguised in the form of fanfiction.

thou shall not die - kim seungmin

this is straight up chuuya brainrot disguised as a stray kids fanfic. i distinctly remember that this was inspired by me <dying on the dentist chair> and seeing my doctor’s sleeve smeared with my blood for the first time in the decade i’ve been visiting him. no, i’m not romanticizing my dentist or the act of going to my dentist. i was just shocked to see evidence of my bleeding be visible. the gauzes come and go but that smear would take bleach to remove and maybe a change of gowns before the next patient came in. it made me feel mortal in a way and like, i know i am, i’m just not actively reminded about it. i also know i nearly died a couple of times in that clinic but that was just the first time i paid any particular attention i guess. 

fic-wise, this drew inspiration from a lot of things. there’s the wheel from howl’s moving castle, fissures with monsters from game of thrones, chuuya and yosano’s abilities from bungo stray dogs. there is really no deeper meaning to this beyond wanting to kill off a strong mc that actually has a chance to fight back but their power has a limit and this is it? DID THAT SENTENCE EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE. 

god i just realized that both these fics are just people running out of time. i picture how mc could’ve lived instead of sacrificing themselves. if they waited a little longer to regain their strengths and had that miraculous 1 out of 14 million chance of winning the losing battle without another casualty, they would’ve. but that wouldn’t make a good story to tell 🥱 honestly, i haven’t thought too much about this bc i hated it : ] but looking back it had such good dystopia potential especially with their abilities. i wish i introduced the whole gang and how their powers worked but i haven’t thought that far into it, didn’t feel the need to.

[neo-shitty]

almost sent the link instead of actually linking the link LMAO

wdym ur recents arent about chuuya

pls is this a call out and/or a challenge 🤨 in my defense, i still feel self-conscious abt rb-ing anime related posts on the main but i’ll get around. i’m also in mid-finals szn so that explains the complete lack of posts too 🤣

ALSO THE POST 💀💀 that’s me irl my friends are DONE with me

[neo-shitty]

thank you so much for your kind words on my aki fic, they made my day and I really appreciate it!!!! 🤲💗 I'm so happy you enjoyed

hello omg 🫣 you’re welcome!! you deserve it. just a disclaimer tho, that will not be the last of it. YOUR WRITING IS SO GOOD 😩💳💥💳💥💳

[neo-shitty]

yeahh idk mecha has thrown me off from most things but i 100% admit to not actually having enough exposure to it to say that i confidentally dont like it ? idk if that makes sense lol (i also did not know darling in the franxx was mecha? ive always wanted to watch it) but alas i suppose i shall be giving the genre a much deserved try (ive had a handful of things rec'd to me that are mecha so i guess i'll have a ... mechathon? ABHSNS)

KAT OMG im so sorry, it took me so long to respond. i do remember you being a fantasy (?) fan (i'm assuming this from the mortal instruments/infernal devices) so i get that mecha/sci-fi things might not be your thing HJASH i do agree it's kind of hard to get into! i didn't end up finishing darling in the franxx lmao and i think part of the main reason i ended up loving the iron widow was the feminine rage parts LMAO but i thought the mecha-related parts were still pretty cool.

[neo-shitty]

surprise bectha totally didn't expect me 🥴 n e ways, managed to choose only 5 intead of 12 hahahaha totally joking hahahaha sorry 😔😔 // 1 - 23 - 44 - 57 - 129

i totally did not expect you, not at all HAHA thank you for your enthusiasm regarding my book ramblings x.x it's nice to have someone discuss books with me here bc i literally have nobody *cries

book recs ask game!

#1 - a book that is close to your heart

looking for alaska by john green. i'm not really sure what's with that book?? it's not a 5-star read and i keep finding more and more flaws on it every time i reread it but i do it anyway. i think it's close to my heart in a way that even i can't figure out yet.

#23 - a book that is currently on your TBR

the thief by fuminori nakamura. someone i trust reviewed it as 'what the fuck did i just read' and i think that's the only criteria for my tbr atm :D all i know is it's crime/thriller/mystery and ik the japanese always nail that so i have high expectations. here's to hoping that i won't hate it!

#44 - your favourite fantasy novel

it's a tie between six of crows by leigh bardugo and iron widow by xiran jay zhao. both are interesting but on opposite ends of the fantasy(?) spectrum. (also these aren't high fantasy, really can't get into those i'm sorry :<) the former is more tied to magic while the latter is more involved in sci-fi. 5-star reads with well-written characters (read as strong women), highly recommend them :]

#57 - a book you want to hit bonk your head with

i think i've mentioned this before but a little life by hanya yanagihara. maybe if i bonk my head with it, it would match the heartache this goddamn book put me through.

#129 - a book with beautiful prose

aside from vuong's books that i'm sure you know HAHA, the white book by han kang!!! paragraphs upon paragraphs of good writing man. not a spoiler, but the author's just basically metaphorically writing about white things and how they relate to the central plot but it's sooooo well done. i wanna write like that ;n;

[neo-shitty]

i passed my driving exam do u know what that means 👁

you get to do 2 baddies one porsche? /j CONGRATULATIONS BAR!!! 😭😭 IM SO PROUD OF U

[neo-shitty]

babes omg no post your posts !! I hate those who make you feel bad for writing in a similar style like what do they expect? You're the same writer and it's the same you who pours your heart into your work! not someone else! you don't take turns and shapeshift! post your posts and fuck people who nag about it being similar

>:( imma fight them for you

omg this 🤣 i think i was fighting for someone else here (?) or fighting my own demons. i do feel really iffy about readers who police writers a lot about their writing like..? thank you for reading but it’s not your writing. if you want stories to be written this way or that way, might as well write your own 😭 also i’ve seen published authors write in similar styles across their novels so it’s not just a one person thing—it’s a whole writer thing. still, thank you for wanting to fight them for me 🤣🤍

[neo-shitty]

there's no such thing as too many haechan fics 🤨

i think there’s too much of him on my blog 😭 i’m torn between him and minho tho

[neo-shitty]

toffeeeeee, i saw the book ask game and!! i had to shdjdk. sorry if there's too many, you can answer however many you like ;-;

17, 25, 28, 42, 50, 55, 60, 63, 80, 94 and 135 !! (´-﹏-`；) hehe <3

me when i saw how many numbers this ask had !! thank you so much ivy, i hope my recs deliver somehow ;n; (also this had me thinking harder than i did on an essay i just submitted HJSHA I LOVE IT)

book recs ask game!

#17 - a book with a yellow cover

men without women by haruki murakami, a short story collection about men with no bitches /j,, the stories aren't correlated to one another and i had no major takeaway but i enjoyed 1 story out of the 7 which was the independent organ (bc i related to the guy and it got pretty sad, i like that shit). this feels like a compilation of murakami's random thoughts, literal ideas out of nowhere and inherently hard to find any deeper meaning into it but maybe that's just my lack of analytical skill.

#25 - a book by your favourite author

unfortunately, i no longer have a favorite author but the last one i acknowledged was marie lu so... legend. prolly her most popular work but not my favorite. her writing has the ability to single-handedly bring me out of reading slumps and i think i read almost every book she wrote. got a few world-building, plot-twisting techniques from her too!!

#28 - a book you wish you could read as a beginner again

mentioned a thousand times atp, looking for alaska :'D by john green :'D the money i'd give just to reread that for the first time bc i have paragraphs of it memorized now HJSHA i think this sparked my love for angsty things

#42 - a book that made you want to scream by the time you got to the end

i had a different book for this at first until i remember this one read that was so bad i wanted to forget about it. never let this go by kazuo ishiguro. YES, the story had a serious topic in its undertone but i just couldn't appreciate it anymore with how much of a drag everything else was. it reads like one of those tiktok series vids that are like 'follow for part 2'. BITCH!! JUST GET ON WITH IT!! the number of times this book goes (not a spoiler, just a bad example) "i'll tell you why i burned the house down but first let me tell you about my friend's boyfriend" LIKE I CARE ABT THAT RN??? god just thinking abt it is making my blood boil

#50 - a book that made you cry a LOT

THERE IS ONLY ONE!!! HOUSE OF HADES BY RICK RIORDAN. i know, kinda hard to get to and i'm not even sure if this would make you cry. it had me bawling tho, tear-blurred vision as i waded to the last page. it was that bad. if you're looking for a tear-jerker that i know made others cry, a little life by hanya yanagihara.

#55 - a book with a satisfying ending

again, for me, it's a little life. there was something about how i finished that book that left me feeling relieved. not only bc it was one chonky ass book but bc i barely read things where the ending i want is the ending i actually get.

#60 - a book that you think about at 3am

things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eddie larocca. told in e-mail correspondence between two women, they have a 50 shades of grey-esque arrangement but it gets from 0 to 1000 so quick. i'm gonna step aside and let my review speak for itself.

#63 - a book that actually made you laugh out loud

the blood of olympus by rick riordan, last book of the hoo series. sorry my tearjerker and biggest laugh are from the same middle-grade series. adult fiction doesn't draw much emotions from me (except maybe frustration), they just leave me mortified.

#80 - a book that reminds you of a loved one

norwegian wood by haruki murakami. a close friend recommended this to me and because he said the book mirrored his life, it's forever tied with him now. while the story in itself didn't appeal to me that much, i had fun pointing out which parts of the book and his life overlapped.

#94 - a book about grieving

on earth we're briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong. while the book doesn't explicitly state that it's about grieving, it reads like it is. it's almost as if the main character is grieving for a life he cannot have and mourning for people who are still alive.

#135 - recommend any book you like!

i think i recommended this before when i mentioned your writing reads like a murakami book HAHA after dark !!

[neo-shitty]

very interested in paper towns, safety pin, and skyfall!! (you don’t have to answer all three lol)

i don't really mind answering all three, doodie! >:D

papertowns - ahhhh, throwback to missing seungmin hours in 2020. this story contains the night referenced in 'the lonely hearts club' where mc and seungmin hug it out to comfort each other in the middle of the night. i want to finish it someday but my blog contains one to many seungmin-comforting-mc fics. i actually posted a full excerpt of papertowns here !!

safety pin - talked about it here, you're getting all the ones with actual written parts XD

skyfall - the one we have in common but with vv far plots HAHA this skyfall is an attack on titan au and uses the skyfall title more for its definition rather than the 007 reference. (terminologies i'll use prolly won't make sense if you haven't watched aot but) it follows changbin who is chosen as one of 9 titanshifters and trained to fight for the republic's side. in training he meets mc, who is also a titanshifter but is set apart from the rest bc she's close to the ruling party and treated a bit differently. mc doesn't like what she's forced to do but she doesn't have a choice meanwhile changbin, after being sent to enemy territory, realizes that the side he's fighting for is in the wrong. together they (try to) escape and face the consequences of doing so.

i hope this made sense somehow 😭😭

[neo-shitty]

aw bestie don’t worry about it! literally i forget my asks exists all the time 😂😂😂 so i understand

and gosh please it’s not like i feel obligated to! i love reading fics about the dreamies. it’s just… yknow when you keep coming across fics and adding them to your reading list. and somehow end up with 60 fics in the drafts?? yeahhhh HAHAHAHAH

so it’ll take me a while bcs they’re all like 6-20K word fics. some even series 😭

and oh gosh stayblr has been so difficult with interactions lately i’m so sorry you feel that way. and i’m sorry i haven’t gotten round to reading a lot of your skz fics! i’ll try to do so and give them they reblogs they deserve 😤😤😤 but fr i always find it easier to write skz fics than nct ones bcs czennies leave likes and reblogs but never give feedback 😭😭😭 like???

i feel you with the constant adding and barely getting through the fics in your drafts 🤕 i actually have a ton bookmarked but i just don’t have the time and headspace 🥲 also, wow those are chonky fics x.x my attention span could never hajshs

no!! stayblr is actually better for me compared to nctblr 🤕 also please don’t feel obligated to read HSJDHDJ i think i phrased it wrong in the prev ask. skz fic feedback, no matter how little, go a long way rather than the nothingness of nctblr HSJSH i wish i could write more for skz but i feel like their characters have been glued since i wrote checkmate and the series. i want to venture out more but i can’t seem to do that yet. hopefully the new comeback helps???

while we’re at it, thoughts on the trailer? :3

[neo-shitty]

⭐star⭐ : pick your most favorite fic that you want to share and give comments about it !! ♡

roger rabbit - lee minho

i wrote a whole response to this and tumblr white-screened on me. i'm gonna kms /j thank you for sending this in!! also long post ahead bc i never shut up. and tagging @june-again, just in case you're interested on a whole roger rabbit. your feedback for that fic only made me love it more :'( <3

honestly, at this point my fics are either classified into stories i want to keep and stories i wish never existed. this is one of the few that still remain in the 'want to keep' file while everything else i wrote around the same time has fallen into the latter. 

this is a prequel to checkmate (CM), another fic i'm very fond of for the character dynamic and the plot(twists). in the story, skz along with my ocs are in a friend group but there was barely any establishment whatsoever for them. someone who reviewed CM told me that they didn’t really care about my characters and rightfully so bc i felt the story (CM) lacked in giving the reader room to develop what they feel towards the characters. it was supposed to be a long story compressed into the fast-paced piece it was, focusing more on the situation they got themselves into rather than the relationship of the characters. roger rabbit (RR) gave me an opportunity to give the friend group the back story they needed to give CM more impact. and an excuse to write more on this universe i subconsciously latched myself onto.

though i thought of writing a CM prequel, i didn’t expect it to be this one. RR’s original draft got partially trashed though the gist remained: minho gets framed for something and the friend group tries to help him. i got around a quarter into a writing it, with a full bullet-draft of events leading up to the end, but i had a lot of issues with the story. firstly, the reader felt more like a watcher of the events happening rather than someone directly involved. that aspect, for me, eliminates the whole point of the y/n perspective. i mean, of course you can experiment on having a y/n while telling someone else’s story but it wasn’t what i was aiming for in this fic. second, it felt too short and limited. in the end, the original draft turned into a mere chapter in the final story. 

a few factors were responsible for the revamp of this plot. 1) i re-read and rewatched looking for alaska which made me miss teenage mischief and the hard-to-comprehend bond between high school friend groups, 2) playing run by bts on repeat over and over bc it makes the perfect getaway anthem, and 3) reading six of crows and discovering that a multiple-perspective story can be good if done correctly. i think it was a single “i miss the checkmate squad” thought that led into the full draft revamp. i had run on repeat all night and i fell asleep thinking of expanding the original RR plot. how can i make that build up more impactful, how can i make minho worth the save, who wants to save minho, how can i make it fun. 

i remember being in the bathroom and finally coming up with the full plot. the multiple perspective bit was an add on of who can tell the story best while simultaneously giving more depth to minho’s character. i butchered his character in CM and i villainized the shit out of him so i hoped that this could offer a bit of redemption for him. coming up with the six separate perspectives on the guy was difficult but i made it a point to not have all of them lean into fondness towards minho. i felt that slipping in the lack of bias towards minho made the dynamic seem more realistic. minho, afterall, is notorious for messing around hence, the accusations made towards him were more easier to believe than to deny. 

all of RR was just the slow clicking of pieces into place. the title itself was a big boost bc i was stuck on that for quite some time until i remembered the term roger rabbit—rabbit relating to minho to an extent. but of course i couldn’t just title it that without knowing the context behind the term. so i did my research only to find out that the whole of it is “who framed roger rabbit”. highkey the most convenient thing that happened to me. 

bottomline and tldr; it’s a fic i’m very proud of. not just for the plot unlike CM but also for the process, the writing style and finally, the result. i believe that it deserves more than what it got in terms of notes and feedback but no external thing can impact the way i love this fic. 

bonus: the entirety of the checkmate universe aka the in these halls series. working on anything related to it gives me so much comfort and happiness even after all this time. maybe because it’s self indulgent but let’s forget about that :"D

[neo-shitty]

toffeeee your new theme looks so good ;-;

thank you :’D am back to my roots again HWHAHA