#toolkit to relate to girls on the playground and stuff. it was always boys | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

worldofgoo · 2 years

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something interesting ive been wondering about is how much of me identifying as nonbinary is coping with growing up feeling like kind of a “failed girl” ie not really receiving any of the socializing rites of passage and thus never feeling like i can relate to other girls or really be accepted as one

#i do feel like im still kind of hung up on the fact that as a child i didnt really have close friends my age #i had my cousins which i remember pretty closely like. imprinting on/trying to follow the interests and behaviors of but we didnt see #one another as frequently #and i felt alienated from their expressions of femininity (dressing up)#and then because my parents didnt enforce gendered interests (not saying this is a bad thing) i just happened to not really have much of a #toolkit to relate to girls on the playground and stuff. it was always boys #leading to a desire to be identified more with them. etc #But also being an object of mysogyny is i guess what tied me to feeling like a girl like pushing back against sexist portrayals of girls and #wanting to see myself in stories #kind of a push and pull #Oh yes. cant forget my overwhelming and constant knowledge that boys supposedly all saw me as a target of attraction #that was i think the biggest push to the pull it made me avoid ACTUALLY getting close to any of them

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