#leading to a desire to be identified more with them. etc

[worldofgoo]

something interesting ive been wondering about is how much of me identifying as nonbinary is coping with growing up feeling like kind of a “failed girl” ie not really receiving any of the socializing rites of passage and thus never feeling like i can relate to other girls or really be accepted as one

[aroallo-corvid]

Aroallo is not an "adult" sexuality

[plain text: Aroallo is not an "adult" sexuality]

I am aromantic and allosexual. I am also (as of writing this) a minor. TLDR at the end because I rambled on a bit.

There's a view in society that sexuality and sex are topics that are entirely irrelevant to children and should not be discussed around/with children because it is inappropriate/predatory. And to an extent, there is a point to that, and any discussions of sex and sexuality should be age-appropriate (e.g. an eleven year old would not receive the same sex ed as a sixteen year old because there is a vast difference in experience)

However, thinking like this leads to teenagers not being given proper sex education because they are "too young", which is wildly ignorant of the fact that a decent proportion of teenagers older than sixteen are sexually active. I live in the UK where the age of consent is 16, and I know plenty of people who were in relationships aged 14/15 were having sex. (Whether they weer mature enough to is another matter, but it's important to acknowledge that it does happen so there is no point ignoring this).

This rhetoric also leads to the belief that teens (and younger kids) shouldn't be coming out as gay/lesbian/bisexual/asexual/aromantic/etc. because they are too young to be thinking about sexuality and sexual attractiveness, which just.... isn't true. Many young people have crushes, and as the majority of people are allosexual, this does often involve sexual attraction as people mature through puberty.

Within the queer community, people have said that it is perfectly fine and normal and common for teenagers to come out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual - Because if a teen can be straight, they can also be queer. These arguments are all set out beautifully and the points well made.

Yet.

Some people exclude aroallo people from that. They say that teens can be asexual, because they can know they aren't experience sexual attraction like their peers, and teens can be aromantic as well as asexual because they can realise they also aren't experiencing romantic attraction. But when a teenager says they are on the aromantic spectrum but still allosexual, often the same people who defend teens' rights to be (for example) bisexual turn around and say "you're too young for that".

Why?

Honestly, it comes down to sex-negative views that sex is inherently impure/disgusting, and of course children are the perfect example of purity and innocence, so they shouldn't be thinking about such "dirty" topics.

Of course a teenager can be asexual, that distances them from icky gross sex & means they would likely to be only engaging in chaste, pure, wonderful romance. Of course a teenager can be aroace, that makes them little cinnamon infantile babies, safe from all sexuality. (/sarcasm) (Also completely ignores the existence of sex-favourable aces and aroaces)

It comes off as very hypocritical though, because a teenager identifying as bisexual but not aromantic (so biromantic, but that distinction isn't typically made) is seen as acceptable, when they are expressing the same sexual desires as a teenager who is bisexual and aromantic. The only difference is that the first teenagers' sexuality is seen to be "balanced out" by the presence of nice wholesome romance.

tldr: if teenagers can identify as bisexual/gay/lesbian/pansexual/etc. whilst being alloromantic, it is hypocritical to say a teenager cannot identify as one of the above sexualities whilst being aromantic, because romance is not inherently more pure than sex and sex is not inherently impure.

[zaczenemiji]

absolutely no rush if you're occupied with other asks :D!! I love your writing so so much your descriptions and dialogue are so good 😭💓 could I possibly request a scenario where the reader (working alongside kenji as ultraman/on the sidelines as a civilian, whatever you desire!!) unexpectedly throws herself in front of kenji and takes a hit for him (bonus points of they had unresolved tension before [argument, interrupted confession, one character was sick and rejecting help etc etc; no pressure at all and pls write whatever you'd like i'm just throwing out random suggestions!!]) + the hurt/comfort to follow after? thank you so much! ☺️ i wish you the best!

In the Heart of Danger

Kenji Sato x Reader

Synopsis: As tensions between Kenji and the KDF rise, you become entangled in the conflict, leading to a dangerous confrontation that puts your life at risk.

Word Count: 2,710

Genre/Warning: Action, Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Sacrifice, Violence

Author’s Note: Slight mention of themes from Too Good, Too True

MASTERLIST

For many years, Ultraman and the Kaiju Defense Force worked in harmony. But as KDF evolved under different leadership, so did its philosophy. Their arsenal grew more lethal, their strategies more aggressive. Dr. Onda's vision was clear: the complete eradication of all kaiju was the only path to true safety.

Ultraman held a different perspective. Those magnificent creatures had their own place in the natural order. He believed in protecting life; only fending them off to prevent destruction, not to annihilate them.

KDF’s methods became increasingly ruthless. Where Ultraman sought balance, KDF saw only the necessity of total elimination. The final straw came when KDF started viewing Ultraman's reluctance to kill as a liability, a hindrance to their ultimate goal of eradication.

Thus, the Kaiju Defense Force turned their attention to identifying Ultraman's human form, intent on neutralizing this perceived threat.

"Kenji, you can't keep dismissing this," you said, frustration lacing your voice. "The KDF is closing in on you. They know something's up, and they're not going to stop until they confirm you're Ultraman."

The evening air was thick with tension as you and Kenji sat across from each other in his house. It started with a simple disagreement but it had escalated so quickly.

Kenji ran a hand through his hair, his expression one of exasperation. "I know the risks, (y/n),” he replied. “But I can handle it. I've been doing this for a while now."

"Handling it?" you echoed, incredulous. "You've barely been able to stay one step ahead of them. They've got advanced technology, Kenji. They're not just going to give up."

You remember the incidents with Gigantron, how KDF was willing to get rid of Ultraman, so as to obtain Emi. And for what reasons? To use a frikking baby to lead them to Kaiju Island—to massacre, for the mass murder of those misunderstood creatures.

Kenji sighed heavily, his eyes meeting yours with a mix of determination and fatigue. "I can't stop,” he said. “If I don't transform, people will die."

"I'm not asking you to stop," you said, your voice softening. "I'm asking you to be more careful—to consider the danger you're putting yourself in."

Kenji's jaw tightened and he looked away, the weight of your words settling heavily on his shoulders, “I know you're worried about me. But I can't just sit back and do nothing."

"Then let me help," you pleaded, reaching out to touch his arm. "We're a team, remember? You don't have to do this alone."

"I can't put you in danger, too,” he pulled away slightly, his expression hardening. “It's bad enough that I have to deal with this. I don't want you getting hurt because of me."

"Kenji," you said, your voice firm. "I'm already involved. Whether you like it or not, I'm in this with you. And I'm not just going to stand by and watch you risk your life without doing anything."

He shook his head, his frustration evident. "You don't understand,” he said. “If something happened to you... I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"And what about me?" You shot back, your eyes filling with tears. "Do you think I could live with myself if something happened to you, and I did nothing to stop it?"

There came a long silence.

He never asked for any of this—you know that firsthand. You didn’t want this either. Only a fool would want to throw away the peaceful life they had in LA, away from the chaos, the danger, and the constant fear of losing their beloved.

But when Emi came and when Kenji reconnected with his dad, you both understood. Ultraman is a vital element, the pinnacle of balance, the one that would keep the world in its equilibrium.

He who holds the scale holds the lives of many. He who carries the burden also carries fear. And with it, the sacrifices to ensure the collective safety of humanity.

Your tears spilled over, and you wiped them away angrily. "You're an idiot, Kenji,” you said. “A noble, self-sacrificing idiot. But I'm not going to let you do this alone. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to help you. And you're just going to have to deal with that."

"No. You don't get it,” Kenji's expression hardened again. “This isn't about what you want. It's about keeping you safe."

"And what if I don't want to be safe?” You demanded, your voice breaking. “What if I want to be there for you?"

"That's not your choice to make!" Kenji shouted, his frustration boiling over. "I can't lose you, (y/n)!”

"And I can't lose you either!" you screamed back. "Why can't you see that?"

Kenji's eyes flashed with anger. "You should have just stayed in LA!" he snapped, his voice cutting through the night. "You're becoming too nosy, and it's dangerous. I can't have you getting involved in this.”

You stared at him, stunned. Kenji never hurt you in any way, especially not physically. But the weight of his words hit you like a punch to the gut.

Without another word, you turned and stormed off, your heart pounding in your chest. You didn't look back, even as the tears blurred your vision.

Kenji stood to follow. But with the way you ran away, he knew you didn’t need him at the moment. Still, he worried for your safety. Quickly, he rode his motorcycle and followed you quietly from a distance to ensure you reached home safely.

Everything that unfolded hurt Kenji as much as it did you, if not more. This was the time he finally truly understood his father—why he let them move to LA, why he had to endure the pain of being separated—all because he wanted them safe.

Kenji loves you more than anything, more than you ever knew. He loved you enough to have the resolve to let you go if you finally wanted to be out of all this. You deserved the best, better than a complicated life with him.

When he had seen to it that you’re home safely, he stayed in front of your house a little longer, wanting to be there in case you needed him.

You knew what he was doing. You knew that he was following you. And you were grateful, truly grateful, that he didn’t let you be out here alone. He understood the space you needed and he respected it. This was just one of the infinite reasons you love him so much.

When you arrived home, you sat by the door, leaning on it as you let your tears flow freely down your cheeks. Kenji is a hero, and heroes need saving, too. You wanted to be the one to do that.

Little did you know, you were already doing so. You didn’t know how much you were saving him by being there for him. You have been doing so since day one—since meeting you in LA, losing his mom, coming back to Japan, raising Emi, and fully accepting his role as Ultraman.

Your eyelids became so heavy from all the tears that you didn’t notice that you’d drifted off to a nap. You were awakened by the sound of Kenji’s motorcycle engine as he started it.

You stood to take a peek through your window, careful not to let him see you. He looked your way one last time before driving off into the night.

When he was out of sight, you decided to head on over to your bed but before you could do so, you heard the mechanical sounds of drones.

Your eyes widened as you quickly looked back to see KDF’s drones heading in the direction Kenji went to. With a gasp, you hurriedly slammed the door open and ran out, forgetting about the identical watch you had with Kenji that was repeatedly beeping with an alert of a kaiju attack.

You ran as fast as you could, following the drones as you were sure that they were after Kenji. Suddenly, you heard familiar screams in the distance as the neighborhood awoke to a mundane scene of a kaiju attack.

You looked to your hand only to see an empty wrist. You groaned to yourself, of all the times you could forget it, why now?

Despite being unaware of what was happening or which kaiju was it this time, still you followed the drones. Upon turning the corner, you saw Kenji parking his motorcycle aside so he could transform.

However, this time, KDF came prepared. A squadron of heavily armed soldiers arrived, their weapons calibrated to disrupt his transformation sequence.

As the soldiers closed in on Kenji, one of them set up a cannon, aiming it directly at him. Realizing the gravity of the situation, you sprinted toward the scene, your heart pounding in your chest.

The targeting system locked onto Kenji's energy signature, and the barrel began to glow with a blue hue, signaling the impending shot. Just as the operator pulled the trigger, you threw yourself in front of Kenji.

The concentrated beam of energy hit you with full force, sending a searing pain through your body. You screamed as it disrupted your bio-energy field, causing immediate paralysis and intense agony. You collapsed to the ground, feeling your strength drain away.

The soldiers, momentarily stunned by your intervention, hesitated as Kenji caught you in his arms. "No, (y/n)!" Kenji's voice was filled with anguish as he held you close.

The effects of the cannon had taken their toll on you, but your selfless act had given Kenji the precious seconds he needed. He transformed into Ultraman with a flash of light, creating a barrier to protect you from further harm.

With the kaiju approaching the city, Ultraman's form loomed large, and the soldiers were forced to retreat, their weapons ineffective against his fully transformed state.

Although hesitant he had to make a heart-wrenching decision to choose between being your lover and being Ultraman.

He carried you as gently as he could. In the palm of his hand, your fragile body lay unconscious. He quickly ran back home where Mina awaited him.

Upon arriving, he carefully placed you in the bed Mina took out of the house. “Mina! Emergency analysis, please!” He begged. “Call my dad, do everything to save her! I’ll be back as soon as I can!”

With that, he dashed off to the scene of the kaiju attack. His mind was a mess as he fended it off as quickly as he could, even if it meant hurting it unintentionally, and even if it caused more infrastructural damage.

Ultraman’s heart pounded as he rushed home, the streets blurring past him in a haze of worry and exhaustion. As he reached the familiar door, he transformed back to his human form.

Kenji burst into the house. The scene before him made his heart ache even more. You lay unconscious on the couch, pale and still, with Mina and his father sitting beside you, their faces etched with concern.

Hayao looked up as his son entered. "Kenji," he said, his voice a mix of relief and sorrow. "You're back."

Kenji dropped to his knees beside you, his hand gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. "What happened? How is she?" he asked, his voice breaking.

Mina spoke up. “KDF used a new weapon, something we haven't seen before,” she started. “It emits a high-frequency pulse that disrupts the transformation process. When (y/n) threw herself in front of you, she took the full brunt of the attack."

Hayao nodded solemnly. "It's designed to incapacitate Ultraman before he can fully transform,” he said. “But on a human... it's much more dangerous. It's a miracle she's still alive."

Kenji's hands trembled as he held yours, his eyes never leaving your face. "Is there anything we can do?” He asked, tears racing their way out of his eyes. “Anything at all?"

"We've done what we can for now," Mina said softly. "She needs rest and time to recover. We'll monitor her closely. But Kenji... it's serious. The weapon has caused significant internal damage."

Hayao placed a reassuring hand on Kenji’s shoulder. "You did what you had to do, son. You saved countless lives tonight,” he said. “But we need to be prepared for what comes next. The KDF won't stop now that they know you're Ultraman."

Kenji nodded, his resolve hardening. "I'll protect her. I'll protect all of us,” he said through small sobs. “But right now... I need her to wake up. I need to know she's okay.”

As the night wore on, Kenji stayed by your side, holding your hand and whispering words of encouragement. He thought about all the times you had supported him, how you had insisted on helping despite the danger. The argument from earlier seemed trivial now, overshadowed by the reality of your sacrifice.

"Please wake up," Kenji murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm so sorry. I should've listened to you. I should've protected you better."

The room was filled with the soft hum of medical equipment and Kenji’s quiet sobs that refused to give up on the person he cared about the most.

As the first light of dawn began to filter through the windows, Kenji felt a slight movement in your hand. His heart leaped, and he leaned closer, his eyes searching your face for any sign of awakening.

"(Y/n)?" he whispered, his voice trembling with hope. "Can you hear me?"

Your eyelids fluttered, and a faint groan escaped your lips. Slowly, you opened your eyes, blinking against the light. When you saw Kenji's worried face, a weak smile crossed your lips.

"Kenji..." you murmured, your voice barely audible. "You're okay..."

Kenji's eyes once again filled with tears as he nodded, his grip on your hand tightening, "Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks to you. You saved me, (y/n)."

You tried to sit up, but pain shot through your body, and you winced. “What... what happened?” You asked.

Mina quickly intervened, gently pushing you back down with mechanical hands that protruded out of her spherical body. "Don't try to move too much,” she said. “You were hit by a weapon KDF used. It was meant for Ultraman, but you took the hit instead."

Hayao added, "You were incredibly brave, (y/n). You saved Kenji's life."

You looked at Kenji, your eyes filled with concern. "I couldn't let them hurt you,” you said softly. “I had to do something."

Kenji leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "And I promise, I'll never let anything happen to you again,” he said, his tears falling down on your face.

The days that followed were a blur of pain, recovery, and quiet moments shared between you and Kenji. True to his word, he never left your side, his worry and guilt evident in every action he took to ensure your comfort and healing.

Each morning, you woke to the smell of freshly brewed tea and the sight of Kenji bustling around the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Despite his own exhaustion, he insisted on doing everything himself.

"Good morning," he greeted softly one morning, bringing a tray of food to your bedside. "How are you feeling today?"

You offered a weak smile, propping yourself up on the pillows. "A little better, I think,” you answered. “Thanks, Kenji."

He set the tray down carefully. "You need to eat,” he said. “You've got to get your strength back."

In the afternoons, when you felt strong enough, Kenji would help you sit up and move around. He'd guide you outside to the lawn, where the sun's warmth and the gentle breeze seemed to hasten your healing. He'd support you with a gentle but firm grip.

"I don't want you to overdo it," he'd say, worry etched on his brow. "Just take it slow."

As the days turned into weeks, your strength gradually returned. The pain lessened, and the color began to return to your cheeks.

The days of your recovery were not just about healing physically but also about rebuilding and strengthening the trust and love between you and Kenji.

You had faced danger and come out stronger, more united. With each passing day, you became more sure than ever that together, your love could overcome anything.

Taglist is open! Comment if u wanna be tagged on future Kenji oneshots

@eternallyvenus @puppyminnnie @wattpadsuckssohard @sakura-onesan @reggies-eyeliner @buggs-1 @miffysoo @spencerrxids @stupidbutsmart @marimargirlies @mixvchelle @lannnu @lailuv21 @christiinee @abracarabbit @youngbananamilkshake @flutterfly365 @o-schist @brazilsho @arrozyfrijoles23 @finestflora @mmeerraa @mianbaobaoo @skyeliteratures @themourningfox @despacito-uwu16 @crimson-mage-02 @vinegarjello @btszn

[444lotus]

meditation and journaling as manifestation ౨ৎ

Today I want to offer a short summary of how I use journaling and meditation to manifest everything I want, including:

My ideal body Four thousand dollars My ideal man Extreme luck (randomly getting money, getting deals when shopping, getting gifts, passing tests without studying, etc) Beauty (constantly getting compliments wherever I go, the most confident I’ve been in years) And others :) 

STEP ONE - identify specifics

When you’re manifesting, you must be specific. Instead of ‘I want money’ try ‘I want four thousand dollars in my savings’. Instead of ‘I want love’ try ‘I want a serious romantic relationship to begin for me’. Be specific with what you want! The more specific you are, the easier you can create this reality for yourself in your mind. The idea is to make the idea of having your desires so realistic that your subconscious cannot differentiate it from ‘reality’.

STEP TWO - what is stopping you?

Open up a fresh journal page, word document, note in your phone, whatever, and write down everything that makes your desire currently not a reality. For example, if you’re manifesting money, write down everything in your current reality that contradicts the idea that you have a lot of money, such as ‘my bank only has two hundred dollars in it’ and ‘I couldn’t afford a top at the mall’ and so on. Write down any thoughts that cross your mind that lead you to believe you don’t have your desire. These are the thoughts and beliefs we need to change.

STEP THREE - correct your beliefs

Now, next to all of these beliefs, you are going to write opposites that align with your desire. Using the examples before, you would write ‘my bank has four thousand dollars in it’ and ‘I bought so many clothes at the mall’. After this, write down new thoughts that would cross your mind if you had your desire. If you were manifesting a relationship, you might write ‘I love how thoughtful my boyfriend is’ and ‘I feel so loved with my boyfriend’. Write down things you might hear others say if you had your desire. Write down things you experienced because you have your desire. Write down how it feels.

STEP FOUR - put it into action

This step is about putting everything on paper into your subconscious. You can accomplish this by meditating on this new set of beliefs you wrote down. Don’t mindlessly affirm them, really go down the list and consider every point, what it looks like, what it sounds like, how it makes you feel. Get into a trance-like state (I use guided meditations for this part) and let your mind go blank so you can fully accept these new beliefs with no friction. I like to visualize in my meditation because that immerses me in the new set of beliefs with ease. Keep meditating until these beliefs feel like second nature. You don’t have to think any more about it because they just make sense to you now, they are your reality, they are the truth. And when you’ve accomplished this mindset, you are done. You can know that this is now your truth. 

This is just what works for me, but I hope it’s helpful to someone out there. Remember to never give up on yourself and your truth, and to always be your own best fan, best supporter, best lover. Give yourself everything you deserve and don’t ever look back ౨ৎ

[kalki-tarot]

Your Shadow aspects you need to work on to meet your FS. 🥀

1 - 2 - 3

Disclaimer — The images I used to select a pile were sourced from Pinterest, I hope the reading will resonate with you. I'm not responsible for any decisions you make in your life from my readings. I'm just a beginner and these readings are just for fun.

Check masterlist for more !

Pile 1

Death, wheel of fortune, queen of swords, the chariot, ace of wands, the emperor, king of swords, the lovers, 10 of pentacles.

The most prominent thing I see here is your obsession for fairytale romances, basically you are having unrealistic expectations etc.

This behaviour leads to you to watching a lot of tarot readings, like alot of them!

The high priestess in the bottom of deck tells me you need to learn how to identify and work with your own intuition. You need to develop it for your own good.

Don't be dependent on tarot readings or fiction romance.

You maybe have an image of a rich handsome ceo in your mind. Idk if it's right or wrong to imagine that or set expectations around it but the tarot the deck is showing me exactly this issue.

Please be reminded that a perfect love story in not perfect. It has ugly fights and a lot of things like that.

I'm not saying you don't deserve a love you desire, I'm saying not to be too obsessed with these unrealistic expectations.

Start working on your intuition, meditate, be in nature for sometime. It'll guide you, you'll be your own guide. Take tarot readings as a possibility of the future. Don't let anything take your power.

You'll surely have a love story, with passion and romance if you trust your intuition.

Pile 2

King of wands, ace of pentacles, strength, devil, the empress, queen of wands, 10 of pentacles, 3 of swords, 2 of swords, 2 of wands, 7 of pentacles, death

I feel like you're in a soulmate connection or a twinflame journey. Are you seeing 22 or 222 or 2323 alot?

Do you recognize your talents and creativity, pile 2? If not then start doing it. Nurture your divine feminine side. Keep yourself in check. It will align you with meeting your future spouse.

Don't be too harsh on yourself, it's okay to not be able to follow the same timetable or routine everyday.

Why are you restraining yourself to a point that it's hampering your spiritual growth?

You were born with these talents you have, keep doing it. Allow yourself to feel and do things what make you happy and peaceful.

I'm aware of the heartbreak or painful time you faced in the past. I know it's stopping you from loving yourself, but see the bigger picture.

You need to make a choice, it's in your hands. The choice to either be stuck in the past or move forward with a free and energized spirit on the road of success.

Work on your plans, carry them out in the reality. Plan and succeed. It's your destiny to reap the benefits of your hardwork.

Allow yourself to go through this transformation in life.

Pile 3

Ace of wands, strength, 10 pentacles, ace of pentacles, 7 wands, the lovers, 4 or cups, death, queen of cups.

You need to balance and keep check of your emotional health. You are too sensitive emotionally. You need to master your emotions.

I think it's because of someone broke your heart romantically or you were in a toxic relationship which made you like this.

Please remember how much potential you have carrer wise. You are much more capable of everything, more capable than you think.

You have a tendency to repeat this cycle where someone tells you something critical, you take that seriously, you blame yourself for being this way here and in your love life too and it just keeps going in a circle.

I think you need to rewire this pattern of self blaming. You are not what you think you are. You are much more tha that. You are meant to live a rich and abundant lifestyle, so focus on that. Love will itself find you.

[daretoassume]

your resistance to your natural self is causing you pain

whatever pain a person is feeling, physically, mentally, spiritually, etc., is just resistance to their natural self.

your natural self is your divine self. that divine self within you has all the power to create the life you desire. your divine self is free from all negativity, ego, old self, attachments, guilt, shame, and all the beliefs that do not serve you.

when you resist your natural self (divine self) because you want to please other people, try to be someone else, resent people, or feel envious of others, your body becomes confused. this confusion likely leads to stress, illnesses, and negative states because you are not on your true path.

what false beliefs have you bought into that have been creating experiences you do not prefer? what limiting beliefs are you accepting that produce pain? identify the timeline when the pain started and what was happening during that period. determine the beliefs you accepted at that time. once you identify these beliefs, you have something to work on. reflect on why you accepted these beliefs, make peace with them, and let them go.

"to feel intensely about a wrong without voicing or expressing that feeling, is the beginning of disease. DIS-EASE in both body and environment." �� feeling is the secret, neville goddard.

if you self-reflect regularly, you will become aware of the beliefs you are accepting. you will realize that most of them are not even true for you. consciously or unconsciously, you bought into these beliefs. you need to catch yourself if you are accepting other people's beliefs that do not benefit you. if these beliefs are true for them, let them be their truth, not yours.

self-reflect

always make time to self-reflect. often, you will naturally self-reflect when you are in the shower (speaking from experience). you can talk to yourself or write so you can read it in the future. if you don’t know how to start, ask yourself,

"how do i feel about this situation?" "why do i feel these things about this situation?”

i know you do not want to think of the negative responses from yourself as you fear manifesting more of them. it’s okay. do not be scared. this is you uncovering something inside of you so you can reflect and learn from it and discuss how you can act on it.

once you have discussed with yourself how you feel about it, ask yourself,

"how does this situation (somehow) serve me, and what beliefs should i have in this situation?"

you can think of countless ways it can serve you, but you can answer "i don't know" because, either way, you must CHOOSE to build beliefs that will serve you in that situation so you can receive its benefits.

the way to your natural self is by always investigating the beliefs you have and only choosing the ones that serve you the most. it is only a matter of consciously choosing what you are buying into and embodying the ones that serve you the most.

[bouquetface]

Gemini Risings

accuracy influenced by ENTIRE chart.

Appearance

Appearance is influenced by so much more than just the rising sign. For some gemini risings I’ve met, they do fit the tall & thin, fairy & elf like appearance. And I’ve met some who are the opposite, small & curvy.

Mutable rising signs in specific are more difficult to identify. They’re adaptable and tend to change based on their moods & environment. Appearance and style can drastically change throughout their lives.

A few things the gemini asc that I know have in common are:

🧩 Youthful appearance. This doesn’t mean they stay looking 20 throughout their entire life. I know a gemini rising (with saturn trine asc) who was often assumed to be much older in her youth. She doesn’t see it but now that she is 40, I believe she physically hasn’t changed much from when she was 30.

🧩 Tend to have higher foreheads. Narrow or long face shape. Smaller facial features - ex. many have small eyes or eyes that are close set.

🧩 Due to their mutable nature, they can change hair or clothing style often. They may have many tattoos. These individuals tend to be very expressive with their body. May even make a lot of facial expression and body movement when talking (if they are interested in the conversation).

Personality

The curse of having an air sign placement - People assume you are an airhead. You can have a head in the clouds vibe. Due to your detached (sometimes reclusive) behaviours. Cool & aloof.

On the bright side, air signs are intellectual. They’re curious. They enjoy reflecting and analyzing situations. Problem solvers. & good communicators.

The above is heavily influenced by mercury placement.

For ex. Gemini rising with a fire sign mercury. This person may be very quick in action and thought. They could be very clever and witty. Or blurt things out, as a result they misrepresent themselves.

Ex.2: A gemini rising with a water mercury, may be more reserved with their words. Similar to if natal mercury is in retrograde. They are reflective and less inclined to share their thoughts.

Generally, gemini risings are social people. Their wit and curiosity takes them far in life. They can be very popular and very difficult to get a hold of. Always on the move. Short attention span. However, some gemini risings may be less social - preference for conversations with only those close to them. Either way, they enjoy good conversation. It is a mental stimulation they need to feel satisfied in life.

If you can keep these individuals attention, they can ask a ton of questions. Similar to scorpio moon, you can feel like you’re being interrogated. For gemini risings, it comes from their curiosity and their desire to understand/learn more.

Their 7th sag house leads them to find relationships with people who equally enjoy debate and conversation. However, depending on entire chart, a gemini rising can be annoyed with sag placements. To them, the sag may overlook crucial details. Sag placements are more likely to be philosophical in their thinking. Sag is ruled by jupiter, they can be rely on faith over facts.

Yet, for some this can be a good balance. Often they have similar humours. Sag rules by Jupiter can be a mentor/teacher type. Gemini loves to learn and may appreciate being introduced to new topics. Together, these two can love to travel/explore and learn/grow.

Gemini risings often end up with partners who are like a teacher to them. Sometimes this can manifest as a partner from a different background (ethnicity, religion, country, etc).

Other times, I’ve seen this manifest as gemini risings having many partners. No fixed type.

And I know one who isn’t interested in “the one and only” type of love. They’re interested in too many different types of people. They wouldn’t feel satisfied in staying with one person their entire life. This is a manifestation of their Jupiter rules 7th H - an abundance of relationships.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Cultivate Self-Discipline

Know Your Why: Always Keep The End In Mind 

Keep Small Promises To Yourself. Make Them Non-Negotiable. 

Create And Consistently Log Your Progress 

Take Temptations Out Of Sight 

Find Indulgences To Help You Focus On Your Goals 

Know Your Why: Always Keep The End In Mind 

Decisiveness drives discipline. You need to clarify and define your goals. State them clearly with their authentic purpose in mind. If you seduce this end goal into your life, what desire are you truly fulfilling? Ex. If you want to lose 10 pounds: Is it to feel healthier? Look better in a bikini? Fit into a certain pair of jeans? No matter how superficial, identify the genuine reason why you want to achieve a certain goal. Whatever reason elicits a visceral and emotional reaction. Sometimes, especially during a busy work day, your reason could be as simple as wanting to lessen your anxiety and ease into a more relaxed state. Any purpose that resonates. Once you have an emotional response tied to a goal, it becomes infinitely easier to motivate yourself to take small steps towards achieving it. Where energy goes, energy flow. Simon Sinek goes more in-depth with this concept in Start With Why.

Keep Small Promises To Yourself. Make Them Non-Negotiable.

Think of performing self-discipline rituals as confidence-building exercises. This action helps you trust yourself, establishes a sense of integrity, and builds self-confidence. For example, if you stick to your meal and workout plan for 5 days a week, you build trust in knowing you're more powerful than your cravings and are capable of taking good care of your body. If you complete a project on schedule (personal or professional), you prove to yourself that you’re efficient, build confidence in your ability to finish tasks you start, and self-affirm that you follow through on your ideas. Finishing that book this month reflects confirms that you value yourself enough to expand your mind, learn, and expand your knowledge base. Eventually, through enough consistent repetition, these rituals into unconscious habits that you do effortlessly in daily life. 

Create And Consistently Log Your Progress 

You can’t manage what you don’t measure – your finances, calorie and step counts, workouts, productivity, etc. Tracking data related to your habits – such as your spending habits, eating or workout patterns, writing word count, and task completion – on a given day or week – allows you to understand and analyze your current behavior. What habit cues, environmental or other situational factors are keeping you from sticking to the current task at hand? Do you leave your running shoes stuffed in the back of the closet? Junk food in the house? Work from bed or with your phone by your side? Are you avoiding certain emotions? Does this data change when you’re stressed or tired?  

Awareness is the first step towards redirected action. Analyze these data points to see your pitfalls and strategize how to help yourself. 

Take Temptations Out Of Sight

Set yourself up to win. Get the phone away from your workspace, remove any junk food or soda from the house, delete apps, or silence notifications from people who distract you from your goals. Self-discipline becomes significantly easier when you have to take additional steps to indulge in your vices. Replace these temptations with helpful cues to help you build healthier habits that lead to self-discipline. Give yourself visual cues to move you toward your goals. Keep a journal with a pen next to your bed. Leave your workout clothes and shoes out near your bed. Write a quick to-do list right before finishing work for the following day, so it’s easier to jump into the first task right away the next morning. Cut up some produce or do a 30-60 minute meal prep once a week to eat more healthful meals. Find ways to make it easier to stay on track than give in to temptation. 

Find Indulgences To Help You Focus On Your Goals 

Self-discipline shouldn’t feel like deprivation – of certain foods, pastimes, or activities you enjoy. Buy cute workout clothes you feel confident in. Create the most dance-worthy playlist. Make it a priority to buy your favorite fruits and vegetables every week. Rotate a selection of your favorite healthy meals. Leave your sunscreen out – front and center – on your bathroom counter. Find a big, beautiful water bottle to keep on your desk. Purchase aesthetic notebooks, pens, planners, journals, and other office organization items. To make self-discipline feel like second nature, you need to marry indulgences and your desire to meet your goals. Discover the habits that work for you and find small ways to make these tasks more enjoyable. 

Go easy on yourself. Build one habit at a time. Self-discipline is like a muscle. It requires time to build and grows in increments. Try to stay on track and more focused than yesterday. Your only competition is your former self. Find pleasure in the process. Focus on the immediate task in front of you while also keeping your future self in mind. 

[granulesofsand]

I lost the posts we wanted to respond to, but I think I remember what we were gonna say

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA with vague examples, syscourse?

Highly Complex DID

What “Complex” Means:

From what we’ve read, it seems like Complex refers to the specific disorder’s criteria. C-PTSD is PTSD with a different presentation; in this case, multiple/prolonged trauma causes difficulty tracing symptoms in the same ways as other PTSD cases. C-DID is DID with a different presentation; here it’s more intricate mechanisms that lead treatment down another path. Even CDD, which is dissociation into self-states instead of one dissociating self-state. The C just means that thing, plus some extra. There are going to be cases where a Complex patient is actually more simple to care for than a non-Complex patient — it’s just a matter of narrowing it down with more criteria.

Highly Complex:

As far as I know, there are no other communities that use Highly Complex as a label. It’s a specific word to whittle down the topic even further; C-DID but with more specifiers. For HC-DID, the specifiers are programming and structuring. Every human who experienced programming and lived is a RAMCOA survivor. Not every RAMCOA survivor considers themself a HC-DID system. Some survivors didn’t form systems at all. Others don’t think their system qualifies. Maybe people just don’t want to identify themselves this way. Even if it were a medical diagnosis — it’s not — forcing people to use labels they don’t want is rude at best.

What RAMCOA Is:

RAMCOA stands for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, Organized Abuse. Surviving any of those is enough to belong in the community.

Ritual Abuse - maltreatment (of anyone) including ceremonies or traditions. It can be anything from religious sacrifice to underage marriage.

Mind Control - manipulation of psychological processes. I genuinely don’t know if there has to be negative intent or a specific plan from the abuser to qualify, but even targeted McDonald’s ads make use of mind control (probably not abusively, I’ve never looked into that).

Organized Abuse - maltreatment that involves multiple perpetrators collaborating in their perpetration. If two people meet at a bar and then hurt a child together, that’s enough. It can be elaborate groups like churches or criminal groups, but the only requirement is more than one perp.

It can be one or a mix of any, but it’s still RAMCOA. Usually, the DID community uses RAMCOA to talk about surviving programming (Trauma-Based Mind Control for the purpose of creating a system), and we label our systems Highly Complex.

Extra Criteria:

To be Highly Complex, survivors are usually closest to C-DID. But wait, there’s more!

HC-DID systems also receive:

Programming - I only know of TBMC being used to split off dissociative alters, but I’d budge on that if someone knew otherwise. Abusers control the child (body) by causing calculated suffering until they get the results they want. Perps split off alters with goals in mind for them, and continue to break them until they fit the desires of the abusers. This control extends to every other aspect of HC-DID, and is the reason another label exists at all.

Layers - different dimensions of innerworld. Sometimes this looks like literal other realms inside, but it could also be like floors of a building or planets or other separate worlds. Layers are often assigned a name or cue that allows outsiders to maneuver a system’s landscape from the external world. Perps don’t go in as much as they bring out, by assigned alter or other cued manipulations.

Subsystems - alters with alters, except also programmed. Cues are assigned to each subsystem alter as well, usually related to the subsystem as a collective. Just like programmed singlet alters, subsystems can be arranged by outsiders for memories, tasks, etc.

Sidesystems - kind of multiple systems within the metasystem. Groups might be contained in a separate innerworld pocket, unwilling to communicate with other alters, or otherwise unreachable in the same way other groups are. These sidesystems usually have a collective task, or function as a whole other system in the body. Details of what they do and why are also conditioned.

Programs - conditioning attached to cues. Programs might force amnesia, give body memories, set off chains of tasks, or any other typical or atypical system capability. Programs might be perceived as wires and buttons, or files, or whatever else programmers decide.

Not all HC-DID systems will have the same level of programming. Not all programmed systems will be more “complex” that other systems. Having a term to describe our unique experiences helps a lot of survivors to feel understood, especially if they’re already open about their past.

RAMCOA survivors are kept in a strange position online and irl. We’re used as examples of “unimaginable trauma” and “extreme abuse”, but are largely told to sit down and shut up; we’re too dangerous to speak up about what was done to us, too unbelievable, or too much at all. Finding help is a nightmare, sucks butt for everyone involved, and is fairly necessary for long term recovery. Like many systems, we beat the odds time and time again to call ourselves “survivors” instead of “victims”. Like many systems, we are rejected by most of society. Unlike most systems, we are a secret within system communities.

Being Complex is not being special, it’s just a haughty way to say there are extra requirements. Recovery for many systems is already a stretch. For HC-DID systems, we are healing the impossible.

[kodas]

I would love to hear more about your headlights/brain-critters

aaaaaa thank u for taking interest!! some have a couple nicknames. from left to right: pup/ruff (it), fawn/flux (it), daze (it), red/"pants" (it), mothdog/(???) (they/it), flow crow (they/it)

my headlights often co-front, so distinctions between the lights are only easy to draw a line for if I'm heavily dysregulated or burnt out. usually I have more than one light on. lights depicted next to each other frequently front together (ie, pup+fawn or snail+red or fawn+daze, etc.)

if I'm doing very well and feeling present (& not experiencing any derealization), most of my lights will be on at the same time. they all make up who I am as "koda" and all identify with being koda, but they each have different circumstances to be "on call" for and different needs/goals on their own. not being lit means that light might have to play 'catch up' to remember details of events they weren't present for. I have memory problems lol

if the appropriate light isn't turning on when it needs to, another light will fill in but they won't have the ability to do the 'job' quite the same, leading to faster burnout. this applies to everything: tasks, games, project production, communication, forms of intimacy, etc. drawing with and without flowcrow produces a different quality of output, for example. this is why I call it flowcrow lol. back when I streamed art as puddle it'd usually be a combination of flow+moth. when I was doing xko gameplay streams, it was often pup+fawn with moth or flow chaperoning.

when other lights are out and only fawn is active, I'm in some state of awe. often this means the freeze or fawn response, even in good situations or around trusted people. I like drawing it full of stars when depicted with wonder or feeling intense adoration. it 'lights up' by turning the lights out and gettin' all starry.

moth is on-call and does most of our masking in public situations or anything outside, and is almost always in a state of hypervigilance. they're most active in social situations/group environments and body maintenance and tires out often. mothdog is the only headlight that eats, the others are repulsed by eating or show disinterest. I've been drawing them more like a black wolf-like dog/chowchow with mothman features because they're pretty stand-offish, so cryptid iconography hits right. there's been a long-standing desire to give it a name outside of 'mothdog' but all suggestions so far are met with a "no not that ❌" so we're not rushin it.

flowcrow is an on-call chaperone to other lights for certain activities, but isn't always available and sometimes fucks off (lol). it often switches on for life admin/planning tasks or stuff like learning languages/math, more exhausting comprehensive stuff.

flowcrow and daze solo-front more than any other light but are admittedly pretty antisocial/introverted. flowcrow can feel a complete disconnect from the body and daze is the opposite, unable to shut-off feeling chronic pain unless in trance. (my partners catch me staring off for a long while usually stuck in a memory or trauma flashback. when they 'wake' me, daze is usually no longer solo fronting). daze straight up does not like to be perceived outside of the body, but sometimes has to when all other lights are out.

pup and red are highly reactive and unmasked, they light up all the time with other lights active, but only feel safe enough to solo-front for long around partners/incredibly close friends.

I draw red as a nightcrawler because it's influenced by my delayed flee response, but I also like using ghost imagery for it too. if anthropomorphized further I make it a bit more doggy-like. there are times when red disappears completely for days (sometimes weeks) and I tend to depict it resting within daze because they are connected

anyhow, I've been working out the details on these critters since... late 2019? early 2020? I drew my first diagram for them in 2020

in 2023 I made some comics with my lights drawn as critters. I started working on my dissociation/dysregulation/cptsd in therapy back in 2016/2017. I have a bit more info about them on my website's about page, but the detail I go into is limited over there. way before that I made 'headspace' (a couple of animated shorts about puddle having more puddles in their head) knowing I had a dissociative disorder & cptsd but not feeling comfortable to really get into the details of each light and the purpose they serve. for that cartoon I narrowed it down to 4 lights. to this day I still group them when I talk about them, like on this blog with my tags. #daze is for both daze+red, #ddog is for fawn+pup.

thank you for asking, anon. I've been wanting to actually type all of this out for posting but often got spooked and backspaced a lot before getting your ask. we really appreciate the nudge🌌

obligatory disclaimer:

I'm not interested in syscourse. I recognize every system forms the way it does for reasons to suit the life the body experiences. if you experience plurality, you might not experience the 'divide' and co-fronting in the same way I do. that being said, I know my lights are sourced from my cptsd and strong cognitive dissonance I held for a lot of my early upbringing and a means of which to cope with the circumstances I was trapped in. it formed when I was very young, with fragmentation occuring throughout adolescence. where I can specifically draw lines and similarities between my lights and certain abstractions/iconographies are specfic to my experience with dissociation & multiplicity and does not apply to all or any other systems.

[my-fancy-hat]

In the last few chapters I've noticing bits of similarities between some characters and the course of action with part 1 that, well, coming from the same author is kind of expected, but lately they've been more and more explicit and I can't help but think that maybe! there's an intention on mirrowing Denji's current development to part 1's while leading the plot toward the new "bomb girl" arc for part 2.

At first, Denji is introduced in the beggining of a new arc with an internal conflict about himself and/or his place in the world in the dichotomy of what he actually feels about his situation and what he SHOULD feel compared to someone else reaction: Aki's heartbreak for Himeno's death versus Denji's lack of empathy for the loss and the world living as it is in normalcy versus his discomformity about it. This opens a key question that will haunt Denji for the next chapters, looking for an answer capable of content him: "Do I still have a human heart?" and "Nothing beats a normal life?"

In the meantime and uncertainty, Denji is invited to hang out to a cinema date by a person who may are able to understand what afflicts him at the moment and so, influencing him:

In csm cinema is potrayed as a place of reflection and contemplation about life itself, and as Makima bringed on this concept, movies can change one's worldview. At the end of part 1 we discover that all the control devil wanted was to find an equal, to form genuine and equal relationships of mutual care like a family does; this by extention resonates with Denji because, even in his ineptitude to identify these kind of emotional issues due his lack of experience with other people and life in general, is what he wishes as well, connection, aceptance and companionship. This is why the last scene of the last movie touched both of them to the point of tears, as if the big screen did bring back to life and exposed before their eyes their most hidden desire.

On the other hand, one of the main goals Denji had was to achieve a normal life, pushing him foward since chapter 1 to secure it and do what he has missed of life or what he should be doing as a teen of his age. Such want seems not to be unique of Denji because Yoshida has also vocalized (when the oportunity is given) on wanting to know what normalcy is about, tagging along with Denji in multiple occasions, between classes, skipping classes, getting treats and coffee in their way, talking about girls, etc. Going to school, hanging out, a home to return to, good memories of childhood to look back, to have a lovely family and friends, I think is what both wish or wished to have, and so it's projected on screen in a familiar scenario, maybe a callback to the token of part 1 tragedies-accomplishment of this way of living, a little girl that could possibly be Nayuta with her schoolbag, heading to school?

But, where the view was hindered by tears of catharsis, now it is by the corpse of a demon that spattered its blood on the screen. The answers were deliverated, but Denji stills comes to his seatmate for the final confirmation:

...to both of them leaving him alone behind in the realization of this induced epiphany. While with Makima it was a relief, that in fact he has a heart capable of love and care therefore capable of connecting with others, Yoshida leaves a sour taste in Denji's mouth. The normalcy that Denji dreamed of is not what he found; that reality also contemplates loneliness, boredom and disappointment too.

In other parallels that are worth notting are the assignation of a new bodyguard replacement for Denji by Makima and Yoshida to facilitate vigilance and security over him:

And, how Denji's reaction to this isn't that welcoming making him disappointed of their new partner even tho his bodyguards are, in fact, big fans of chainsaw man:

Culminating on, as for now, with the introduction of a "friendly" pretty face hybrid:

With all this I want to make it clear that I do not want to pretend or demostrate that Yoshida = Makima, that sword man will be Denji's new love interest or smth or even worse to compare Beam with Fumiko for have approached Denji without his consent, like, no. These characters are playing similar roles already potrayed by someone else in part 1 now with Denji in part two conserving their own traits and unique issues. I don't know if authors put this much thought on their writting to come up with these kind of things nonetheless I'm so excited how things will play out this time for Denji since, if we follow bomb girls course, Sword man appearance may not hold many good intentions for Denji, explaining why Yoshida assigned Fumiko to protect him in anticipation of this new enemy, just like Makima did against Reze.

EDIT:

hmmm🏴

[peskytimeswithscar]

ok it's headcanon time for.... grian!!!!

in regards to identity i view him as being aro-spec, while i could find a specific label i feel like c!grian wouldn't care much into finding that label, i think he'd prefer to just identify as being on the spectrum but he wouldn't really put in the time or effort into researching it

he also is asexual!! however im just asexual myself so all my blorbos must be asexual bc it feels. weird if not

and he's gay!!! gay man, gay gay homo (but actually this is mainly just because of yhs where he says hes "no im into dudes", plus i just cannot see c!grian with a woman that man is gay)

i also see him as being on the asensual (sensual attraction is the desire to touch others in a non-sexual way, e.g. cuddling, kissing, etc) spectrum !! mainly demi-asenflux because i feel like he would only like touch from people he's close + sometimes really doesn't want to be touched, but sometimes/alot of the time he really wants to and is the clingiest

he also gives off vibes of being on the aplatonic spectrum but i cannot think of anything in specific, maybe demiplatonic and cupioplatonic? i just feel like smth is up w this man's platonic orientation,, he def wants to have friends and is willing to do so but he only really feels platonic attraction whenever he's actually close to a person

i could probably go more into detail but those are the primary ones in my head for his sexuality so lets (finally) go onto GENDER!!!!

this man is definitely transgenderism!!! he identifies as a trans-man tho i do feel like his standards of being a man definitely differ to society's, he's most definitely gender non-conforming and he mainly wears androgynous or feminine clothing most of the time (though he only really wears skirts or dresses if hes cross-dressing as ariana griande)

he also probably is somewhere on the non-binary spectrum he just doesn't really identify with it

i feel like he primarily uses it/he pronouns? he definitely feels less than human due to his watcher roots so it got used to being called it/its, he also only is called she/her when he's cross-dressing as ariana griande, and if i had to give him some neoprns i feel like he'd enjoy chirp/chirp's? or some sort of parrot themed neopronouns

i also think he wouldn't get top surgery! it's easier for him not to since he only gets dysphoric over the shape they cause (which can easily be solved via a binder) instead of the actual chest itself

ok gender part over now it's time for some other headcanons

this man is definitely 100% neurodivergent, i feel like in particular he has adhd (this man cannot finish the back of his bases and gets distracted off tasks like a dog seeing a squrriel) and autism!!! i feel like he sometimes goes non-verbal (though i feel, as a parrot hybrid, when he's non-verbal he just ends up copying what other people are saying to him, so maybe that could be considered semi-verbal?), i think he would stim ALOT using his wings, he's happy and suddenly u have feathers everywhere because he flapped them alongside his hands

i think he would also have really bad rejection sensitive dysphoria, he definitely dislikes getting rejected from things which leads to him bottling alot of things up and causing plenty of the scarian miscommunication we're all too familiar with

he also stims with bird noises alot! he likes to chirp and squawk when he's happy, tho that may also just be because he's a parrot hybrid

he definitely changes hyperfixations like the wind, one week he likes this one thing and another he likes this other thing, and i feel like he would only really have 1 or 2 special interests that actually stick around (one of them likely being architecture/building, the other probably being birds and such)

he tends to have a very changing routine and schedule due to his adhd HOWEVER he has some routines (mainly with scar in them, who prefers to have very set routines cause that man also has autism) which never change or both of them get stressed out (e.g. morning/night routine, a routine that started in the desert and then followed them onto hermitcraft - they both get very stressed out on the life series since it disrupts their routines)

this was.... alot more text than i was expecting to write but anyway!!! expect a scar one at some point

[mrs-monaghan]

Sorry to the JK-The-Het-King folks. He didn’t make out with her 😪. (Did they make eye contact? 🤔) Maybe next time 😉. Though I wouldn’t hold my breath since the lady interactions have been consistently regressing since Seven 😂.

Meanwhile, I was too busy double-taking at the sun and moon lyric. He’s no idiot, he makes up one half of the sun and moon duo. That shit ain’t fan made either. Sun and moon duo is canon! Jk, are these lyrics just lyrics or naw? 😅😂.

Though, the whole project feels like a coherent albeit generic (fits the desire for it to be universal) story that may not directly apply to his life (not autobiographical).

Maybe there’s parts of him peppered in but the overarching story is just that. A story.

Much like a consumer would experience when listening to music or watching a movie/reading a book etc. You may see yourself or elements of your life in the story despite the fact that the main story is not your own. JK’s like the lead actor playing the lead role. You know how actors can identify with their character/script but the character (obviously) isn’t them?

Ok I’m rambling. That’s all off a first listen coupled with his interview and prior sentiments on his career as a singer/desire to tell stories.

(Also the lyrics are lyrics and images are images is also giving - don’t be fooled by the het lyrics and images of ladies cause I go the other wayyy, I just can’t sayyyy)

these are really early thoughts so I’m probably wrong and apologise in advance if I am 😅😝

lol but the way this album’s story goes I’m giggling at JK stressing it’s not autobiographical. He really said “this album isn’t autobiographical so don’t go thinking jimin is on the market. you still can’t separate his perilla leaves for him 👀. Besides, the hypothetical lovers on this album made up at the end so you definitely can’t touch his perilla leaves unless you’re trying to catch these hands👀” (just kidding, for legal reasons)

Also… confession time: Shaz, I too noticed your misspelling of delusion so, I apologise for not mentioning it 🥲 🙏🏾

Y'all are not nice people. Stg 🤨🤨

But fr thou Marina my lovely i couldn't agree more!!! I dont even have anything to add. JK said what he said. Always leaving wiggle room for those of us who wanna decide shit for him 🤭🤭

Love this dude. He did good. He did really good.

Also from what I understand Kjikookers did come up with the nick name sun and moon and it made its way to official content. 😍😍

[transmutationisms]

A lot of people think we’re going to see Roman spiral this season - a build up of all the incest jokes, sexual perversion jokes, inability to have sex but nevertheless preoccupied with sex, sexual repression, potential homosexuality etc. I think many people have rightly pointed out that season 3 really built on these themes, to the extent it feels like they are ramping up to something. But at the same time Roman builds such a wall around his emotions it may be difficult to justify a “breakdown”. Do you think they are heading in this direction? And if so what do you think it is? It seems a super difficult question to suss out what is wrong with Roman but do you have any ideas? Current ideas floated on Reddit, Twitter, tumblr are around repression, power, homosexuality, and even potentially SA.

i actually think what's 'wrong' with roman is fairly straightforward. he's internalised logan's gender politics, in which masculinity is powerful, dominant, and superior, whereas femininity is weak, submissive, and inferior. men are better because they fuck with their dicks; women are subordinate because they're the ones getting fucked. roman's problem is that, though he has internalised this paradigm, he continuously identifies himself with the subordinate, submissive feminine role. he wants to be the one getting fucked, and he eroticises hypermasculinity.

this is disgusting to logan both because logan sees his sons' sexual behaviour as being representative of his own, and because roman's sexual preferences are ultimately just a more extreme expression of logan's own propensity to venerate masculinity. recognising roman's sexual desires forces logan to think about things like the fact that men have bodies, which disgusts him, leading him to do things like call roman a faggot.

in isolation, roman wanting to be dominated and penetrated (basically, being a submissive bottom) wouldn't necessarily be a problem. but roman is caught up in logan's orbit, where having these desires makes him a pervert (an invert. some might say) and he can't express them, or even experience them privately, without being hit by a simultaneous wave of shame and disgust at himself.

in terms of why roman is like this, i don't think we will ever get a definitive answer. i don't think succession is a show that has any interest in writing tidy backstories where x traumatic event leads causally to y present-day pathology. certainly we know roman was physically abused as a child, probably more often/intensely than his siblings, and we know that he perceives himself to have always been on the bottom of the hierarchy within the family.

we could list off other shitty and traumatic things that have been stated/implied to have happened to roman in the past, including as a child. but i don't think doing so would actually answer the question "why is roman Like This?" because i think this writing is too smart for that. what we do know is that roman perceives himself as being the weakest and smallest in the family, constantly vulnerable to all manner of violation, and that he jokes about it and eroticises it even though (because) this is the central thing that logan continually physically and emotionally punishes him for.

[lains-reality]

Hey! (This is pretty long if you don’t mind reading it.)

So I want to start by using my success story as an example: I had an appointment and I did SATS the night before. There wasn’t a thought In my mind I TRULY knew that I was not going to that appointment, and that morning I still felt that way, as I was getting ready to go. And basically when I got there they ended up being closed and I went home.

But the thing is now I’m starting to panick and worry especially because the new school year. I want so many things and I tell myself “ok tonight I’m gonna do the same thing I did that one night I successfully cancelled my appointment” but it’s just so frustrating because it’s like I’m not in the same mindset. It just feels like I’m forcing it, like I’m affirming from my body and not from self.

I’m just very lost because I find myself through the day identifying very heavily with my body and when I tell myself “this isnt you, you are self” and things of that nature I doubt it because I don’t FEEL it. It just feels like I’m talking to myself. And I saw the ‘do i want the desire or freedom’ post and it really meant something to me. Because my desire is to have all of these things for school and to have a happy family but freedom for me looks like no school and like living in a castle or something. But like even with freedom I still get to experience anything I imagine.

I’m sorry if that was a horrible explanation, and feedback? (Thank you in advance!)

"it just feels like i'm forcing it"

then stop. let yourself be frustrated. it's not a waste of time or unproductive to let yourself be frustrated - why put more worries onto yourself? just sit with the feelings, get them all out until you feel better, the feelings are coming up for you to release them.

you're trying to get yourself back into a mindset you had before. but it doesn't matter what the mind is doing, when you know who you are. there's no convincing to do. (also here, you're making the condition of the old mindset the only way that you can get something)

last night i felt weird. before, the body had anxiety problems and so last night my mind was like "do something, i dont like this!!" and i folded. i went onto yt to listen to my usual calming vid (eft tapping abt fear), but then i thought "no!! i don't wanna do this anymore, it was probably wind (as i burped earlier) i want to go towards love, not live in fear!" and so i went to a different eft tapping vid abt feeling love. and then i went bed lol

in that moment i remembered i am not the body, and i also asked myself what do i want to choose, love or fear?

you don't have to feel you are not the body, it's just the truth. if conviction/remembering isn't "working", another path is self inquiry.

ramana is like the specialist of self inquiry, its like his thing lol. i've read like a paragraph's worth of his teachings. but it was extremely helpful. i'll show you a little of my self inquiry.

mind = memories, thoughts, feelings. i cannot be a memory, wouldn't i be transported back to when when i remember one? i can see one through visualisation. its not now, so its generated again. i cannot be thoughts -> i can say 'stop walking' whilst walking. also how do you be a thought?? the mind is everything in the inner world so if i was born elsewhere, everything would be different in the mind. so its moulded by society, time, location etc. so even when the mind changes so many times, i'm still here. so i'm not it. i cannot be a feeling, i can feel it or recognise it. i am still here when i feel good or bad -> not the feelings. so who's the one recognising? i cannot be my name - its an identifier for the body.

the body tripped me up several times whilst questioning it:

the idea 'i am the body' leads to beauty standards, hatred, genetics, midlife crisis etc.

i saw that 'i am the body' is clearly not the greatest idea. but i couldn't answer why i wasn't it. until i remembered that the mind can affect the body:

the body has reactions (e.g. anxiety) to the mind & it's stories it wants to protect from. memories, feelings, thoughts all pop up and the body reacts to it. does that mean the body is a component of the mind? if it can affect it.

if you've read my "nondualism and manifestation" post then you'll see that idea there again. i also had my faith strengthened when 4dbarbie talked about astral projection in one of her posts. i totally forgot about ap! after days of confusion and slight frustration, i understood a little more and so i finally got to a point where i was like 'no more identifying as it!'

question everything. this doubting leads you to be able to ask whether there's something more than the body-mind, and allows you to accept more. and gives you the courage to just stop identifying as the body.

self inquiry for you

if you can be aware of images, feelings & thoughts all through visualization, memories, dreams, and the "real world", whats the difference?

what is the mind? what is it made up of?

are you the body? are you you're name?

notice how you say "my hand" or "my mind". is the body-mind something you own or are?

if there wasn't any mind to point stuff out and identify as it, would there be a world? would there be a body?

what is the difference between this character and your ideal character?

what if this character is only here because you believe you are it?

do you still exist in the absense of that thing? [e.g. no memories, do you still exist?]

what would you be doing if you weren't influenced by the reaction of likes and dislikes?

what happens to the body when you sleep?

reading

mindset

disbelieve

challenge all

the path of sri ramana (the part i want you to read is part 1, ch.4)

[aemondtargaryensfire]

A Ravenous Desire- Aemond x fem!Reader

Prologue

Series Masterlist

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, mentions of cannibalism, inbreeding and incest, (brief) mention of murder and the implied murder of children

Chapter Summary: A brief history of Old Valyria and its descendants.

Word Count: ~1.1k

Author's Note: I've been obsessed with cannibalism as a metaphor recently (the past two years), so here's a short prologue for an upcoming fic inspired by Bones and All. This part is mild-- but moving forward I will update warnings to match accordingly, so please pay attention to these! This story is going to be an angst-fest, and cannibalism, gore, blood, violence, etc. will be present in the chapters that follow.

Prologue

For centuries, grand tales of Old Valyria have been shared globally, passed from generation to generation. Before its destruction, the Valyrian capital was believed to be the core of the world’s existing magic and a land of magical beings and creatures. Little was officially known about the land, even in its prime, but all knew to respect its overarching power. Stories of sorcery, dragons, and other fantastical beasts that used to thrive there circulated in the years following its mysterious and abrupt demise. Many claimed that without Old Valyria, any remaining magic would be completely lost, and the Earth would be plunged into darkness. And thus began the legacy of the surviving Valyrians, as they were the last remaining vestiges of this famed empire and believed to still carry some of the power and magic of Old Valyria.  

Only a handful of families and great houses had survived what was later referred to as the Doom, having fled in the years leading up to the tragedy, their members living to carry on their magical inheritance and to extend their power around the world. House Velaryon, House Celtigar, and most notably, House Targaryen, were all that remained of Old Valyria. In the early years of their conquest and emigration, they were treated as Gods among men and there was no city or land that could refuse them.  

It has been said that the descendants of Old Valyria can be easily identified by the distinct features of their predecessors, and that these traits mark the predestined power and greatness of those that carry them. For many of the remaining Valyrian houses, their heritage and associated legacy have been lost to time, their distinct appearance diminished through years of interbreeding until they could no longer be reliably identified as being of Valyrian descent. Additionally, whereas the members of House Targaryen have consistently remained a united front in their conquests, their neighboring houses were not so unified as they divided and traveled the world, branching off into their own family units. As a result, House Targaryen has only continued to grow in power and notoriety, their enduring and striking appearance and legacy commanding both respect and fear. Individuals that knew the history worshipped and revered a Targaryen that carried the signature white or silver-gold hair, lavender eyes, and inhuman beauty. To be around a Targaryen, “the blood of the dragon”, was to be around a magical being, and inherently lucky.  

But the Targaryens’ legacy could be owed to their unity in more areas than one. What many don’t know is that these features and the accompanied legacy have been maintained due to years of incest and inbreeding, a practice that the Targaryens and many other Valyrians had been engaging in long before the Doom. A practice that the other remaining Valyrian houses publicly shunned and rejected once out of Old Valyria. This was not the only practice theorized to be unique to the Targaryens. Whether it be for the purpose of maintaining their power or simply fanning the flames of their magic, the Targaryens are believed to have engaged in cannibalistic practices, or the eating of human flesh, for a brief period of their history that ended shortly after their exodus. It is unknown by historians if this cannibalism was ritualistic in nature or thought to be out of necessity, nor is it known whether this practice ever extended beyond the reach of the Targaryens.  

This period of carnage was perceived as a smear on the Targaryen family, a shameful interlude, and they had been eager to erase all semblance of it from their history. However, the damage had been done, and a dangerous seed planted in the limited gene pool; a mutation. A remaining trait of the Valyrian family, often forgotten or dismissed due to the common belief that it had been bred out of the descendants over the course of several centuries, was the hunger for human flesh. 

The inherited hunger was viewed by subsequent generations as a curse to be hidden and rid of. In the beginning, the paranoia was so strong that any Targaryen deemed as a potential carrier was quickly disposed of. The Targaryens, as powerful as they were, still had to ensure that they were accepted by their intended subjects. Word of their taboo habit would surely tarnish their reputation and could have spelt disaster for them, in the form of a cruel rejection with torches and pitchforks. Children that displayed the early symptoms of the hunger, or any undue aggression, were sent away or killed. And anyone that had managed to make it into adulthood while still engaging in this sin was, at best, exiled. At worst, they were ruthlessly killed in a ritualistic act of familial bonding and solidarity. The latter was the most likely route. 

“Sacrifices must be made to maintain the power our ancestry grants us.”  

It appeared that these brutal endeavors were successful, as the tales of the Targaryen shame lost their credibility as time went on and fewer Targaryens were born with the cursed gene. The stories of the Targaryen curse were treated as old children’s tales, told over a fire or beneath bed sheets long after they’d been tucked in. A cautionary tale of greed and gluttony ran amuck. To an outsider, it simply appeared as if the Targaryens were a family of storytellers with creative and active imaginations, eager to weave myths and legends that would earn them the fearful respect they craved. Soon enough this perception was even held by most members of the family.  

It was decided that the responsibility of keeping this curse under the radar would officially be given to only one of every generation, as a proactive measure. This responsibility, in itself, was its own curse. Many difficult decisions had to be made to preserve the image of the illustrious dynasty. Without the benefits of modern medicine, in the beginning, and the high infant mortality rates among Targaryens, no one batted an eye when an infant passed suddenly or a child that had previously shown symptoms of the hunger became deathly ill. In rarer cases, when an individual had to be disposed of and they didn’t want to throw up any alerts, more creative measures had to be used. Children ran away, or accidents that resulted in the loss of a body occurred. This was to be a closely kept secret among only a small, selected group of the family. 

As time went on, the single one chosen to bear this knowledge thanked the Gods that this trait had seemingly disappeared. Or perhaps it had just gone dormant.  

Thanks for reading!