#trapped in my oooooown personal brain hell
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I hate having big terrible emotions that I don't feel comfortable putting in a tumblr text post
Cause it means I have nowhere to Put Them and so they just keep swimming around in my head and poisoning me
#monster noises#it's different than what it used to be#it used to be Dramatic#my emotions felt too big and the idea was they would consume me#but now? these days?#i'm just.. more tired than anything#nothing feels Changeable and so it feels much more.. tangible#real.. i guess.#possible?#like it's the only Sensible Option when you consider all the Facts#mundane... almost.#and that does make it scarier#cause there's a Theatre to it when it's more of a Drama thing#something you can keep in the tiny back corner of your mind to remind you it's all sort of.. fake#but when it's quiet and homely and comes at the end of a long beleaguered sigh it's just.. real#idk#as I said it's hard to talk about when I don't feel i can talk at it directly#because it's difficult and far reaching and full of half formed ill-advised thoughts that by their very nature have not be Thought Through#and what I need is Some Help but I would feel Awful relying on my friends for it and besides they could offer perhaps some support#but would nkt have what I need#but I have no Access to what I need so I'm just kind of doomed to be awful and disgusting but blythly unaware of it forever#trapped in my oooooown personal brain hell
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