#tsundere dumbass Reiner!

[shingekinomyfeelings]

what you really are // 1st installment

Reiner finds that his first sexual encounter with a girl he truly cares for brings up a lot of memories and conflicted emotions. Reiner’s POV; honestly a casserole of angst, fluff, romantic drama, and Reiner being a big dumb idiot. I won't call it comedy, but it made me laugh.

As always, thoughts and comments mean so, so much to me. I really appreciate those of you who've followed me to read my stuff. It's so strange and funny to me that writing about this blonde mess of a man is what brought me back to writing for fun.

warnings: none yet; explicit sex in later installments, but nothing fetishy or triggery. Reiner is angsty, but is that really a warning?

Characters are cadets, but aged up to 19, don't come at me.

notes: uh, so, this one’s a little different from the usual.

It’s from Reiner’s point of view, which has been really fun to do. I’m really not sure how to tag it, though, because the girl in question is unnamed and descriptions are vague enough that she functions as a Reader or y/n, but since it’s from Reiner’s perspective, she’s never referred to as ‘you,’ so idfk if I should call it an x reader fic or an x oc.

It’s also pretty self-ship coded, but I’m starting to realize that most x reader fics are, when they’re written with real feeling and immersion, because a truly blank, universal ‘reader’ is lifeless, and we’re all writing about canon characters through our own lens of interpretation, so the entire fabric of fanfiction is deeply personal, and frankly I doubt anyone is even still reading this fuck it I wish I had apple juice

"Have you, um... have you ever slept with a girl before?"

The question, posed with shy curiosity, makes Reiner's brain skip a few beats along with his heart. He swallows, eyes wide for a moment, the faintest hint of pink creeping across his cheeks, and then he coughs quietly to regain his composure.

"Uhh... uh, a... few, yeah..." He rubs awkwardy at the back of his neck, not sure why he sounds apologetic. She doesn't look upset; she's simply gazing up at him with a slight tilt of her head, waiting for him to say more.

"It was just a few hookups with some girls from town,” he explains, a bit sheepishly. “Not even other cadets, just... strangers. Just some fun now and then, until we got bored of each other and moved on, which never took long. Pretty sure one didn't even tell me her real name."

His heart gives a tiny pang at the soft way she laughs at that, and he pauses for an awkward few seconds before he asks her, "Have you? Slept with... anyone?"

"Of course not," she answers, a hint of amusement in her voice. "I told you, you were my first kiss, remember?"

Oh. Right.

He nods, a little flustered. It’s not that he's forgotten that first kiss – it happened a little over two months ago, and while they've shared many more since then, it’s still the one that keeps him shamefully preoccupied at night when he should be sleeping – but for some reason, this conversation has him fumbling with both his thoughts and his words.

Of course he wants to; God, he wants to. He’s tried his best to hide how badly, not wanting to rush her. He’s never taken his flirting and teasing far enough to make it sound like he’s impatient. He’s even readjusted himself awkwardly many times when she jumps on him playfully, or when he’s pressed against her with his arms around her waist, and his body starts to get just a little carried away.

But, as their private moments together have become more heated, the subject has come up a few times, and she’s expressed interest, and now it’s even harder to keep all of his thoughts at bay. He can’t escape them even in his sleep, recently, though he would never in his life tell her the lurid ways he’s dreamed about her. Underneath all that constantly simmering lust that threatens to boil over a couple of times each day, though, Reiner has noticed other, unexpected feelings beginning to surface as well. Guilt. Sorrow. Hesitation. And...

He looks at her for a moment, the way her hair falls around her face and her shoulders, and the way her eyes are so kind and intent on him.

"Does it... uhh, does it make you nervous, knowing I've done that?" he asks, his eyes trained on hers.

She stares back up at him and asks blithely, "Does it make you nervous knowing I haven't?"

"Tsshh..." He makes a noise like she's just asked something ridiculous, and tries to roll his eyes a little for good measure, but he’s sure she sees through it, because she just smiles just a little more.

His hand reaches out to hers, where it rests on the ground, to lace their fingers together. She’s always seeing right through him; it’s annoying, but charming - and a liability, but so endearing...

She doesn’t see everything, though. If she did, she wouldn’t be here right now, sitting beside me, relaxed, letting me hold her hand.

He reminds himself of that at least once a day.

She would never let someone like me touch her. Why would she?

She sighs softly and bumps her head against his shoulder. “I don’t want it to make you nervous,” she tells him. “If we uh... end up doing that, I trust you, you know...”

You’re too sweet, he wants to tell her. I don’t deserve how sweet you are. I don’t deserve how much you trust me. One day you and everyone else are gonna find that out...

She must see the slight tension that crosses his features, because she plafully blows a puff of air into his ear, and he scoffs in feigned annoyance and puts an arm around her, releasing her hand to drape his on top of her head, ruffling her hair so that it falls across her face. Pulling her closer, he buries his face against her neck and kisses her as she half-assedly tries to squirm away.

He hates himself for feeling happy.

I’m the worst devil on this whole island.

[shingekinomyfeelings]

Cadet Reiner being a tsundere dumbass is just very, very funny to me.