#ttcdepression

[lexxilea93]

TTC Losing hope...

I just needed to get this off my chest and since most of my family and friends don’t know this was the only place I could type out my feelings..

So long story short. Me and my wife have been TTC and we’re using a known donor who is a good friend of ours. And it just feels like every time he is home from work or I’m ovulating something comes up and he can’t come over. It’s been five months since we officially decided to start trying and we’ve only inseminated once. My big heart wants to believe it’s just bad timing but part of me always wonders if he’s changed his mind but is afraid to say... everyone keeps telling us to find a plan B... but we don’t She one.. all my eggs, literally are in one basket..

I really wanted a Christmas announcement or wanted to be pregnant in the fall/winter which was why we started in August... I’ve given up both of those dreams and I’m just losing hope about it happening at all, since with out a reliable donor there is no possible way for it to happen.

It’s happened gradually... I’ve stopped taking my BBT, I’ve stopped checking my OPK, and most disheartening to me is that after 150 days of pretty spot on consistently... I’ve stopped taking all my pregnant vitamins... I just dont see the point... why wake up everyday at the same time to check my temperature... why pee on a stick twice a day just to tell me I’m close to something that has absolutely zero chance of appening.. and why take four vitamins a day to get my body ready to be a baby that will never has a chance to move in...

Doing all the research and spending hours everyday reading pregnancy articles, or looking up other options. Trying to figure out how long you would have to save pennies to afford Vials of sperm at $600 each just kills a person inside. What are you suppose to do when you have no means to make your dream come true?