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hermannsthumb · 6 years

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37 PLEASE!

37: you jokingly suggest we send out holiday cards together as friends so we do, and now everyone is congratulating us for finally getting together

from the winter prompts here

a few of u requested this one and like....god youre so right to have

“This is your bloody fault,” Hermann says.

“My fault?” Newton says. “How is this my fault? You agreed to it!”

“You’re the one who wanted to send out cards in the first place,” Hermann says. “We had no need to.”

“It was supposed to be funny,” Newton says. “I didn’t think anyone would assume...”

Together, they stare at the text on Newton’s phone from Tendo. congrats! about time you kids got hitched. It’s the last in a steady stream of texts that have been coming in to the both of them all weekend: polite well-wishes from Mako, bewildered ones from each of Hermann’s siblings (ranging from why didn’t you tell us? to when was the wedding? to what the fuck, Hermann?), a single curt Congratulations. from Newt’s mother, a series of all-caps exclamations from both Newton’s dad and uncle.

“Well,” Hermann says. “People clearly did assume.”

Holiday cards, Newton insisted. It would be fun. It would be funny. Everyone was sending Newton and Hermann theirs--Tendo’s toddler in a Santa Claus hat, Mako and Raleigh with their arms around each other and smiling on an idyllic beach somewhere, all of their colleagues at the university (though Hermann’s not sure how they found the address to their flat, possibly a faculty directory, Hermann must see about getting them removed from it immediately)--why shouldn’t Newton and Hermann retaliate with their own? Perhaps Newton’d gotten a tad overzealous in the planning (he spent a month knitting them matching sweaters and insisted he hold their cat like a baby for it), and perhaps Hermann got a tad overzealous with the card design (but he found the perfect computer software for it), and the end result was something far less ironic and far more genuine, but--they never once indicated they were together. Let alone married, like half of them seem to think.

“I mean,” Newton continues, “can you blame them?”

“Yes,” Hermann says. “Easily.”

“Look at it from their perspectives,” Newton says. “We live together, we share a bedroom--”

“Separate beds,” Hermann says quickly (occasional nightmares from the drift, of course, far easier to deal with when your drift partner is a few feet away, and far more cost-effective when it comes to rent as well, those are the only reasons) and then realizes, “they have no way of knowing we share a bedroom in the first place. And we have different last names.”

“--we spend every fucking waking moment together, neither of us have been on a date in a million years--”

“‘A million years’, what about that guitarist?” Hermann says, and Newton sighs.

“Dude, for the last time, I didn’t ask him to buy me a drink--why do you care, anyway?”

“No reason,” Hermann says quickly, but he concedes to Newton’s point. “Perhaps the misunderstanding isn’t entirely unfounded, then, but that doesn’t make it...”

Newton’s phone goes off. A phone call, this time. “Oh, God,” he says, looking at the caller ID, “it’s my dad.” He swipes to accept and holds it up to his ear. “Hey, Dad,” he says, weakly.

Hermann can hear Newton’s father’s excited shouts, even off of speakerphone.

“Yeah, that’s the same Hermann,” Newton says. “No, it’s--it’s not--” He’s bright red in the face, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s not that I didn’t tell you, it’s that there wasn’t anything--yes--no--last month,” he suddenly blurts out. “We got together last month. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Newton!” Hermann hisses.

Newton covers the receiver. “I’m sorry,” he says, and then uncovers it and forces a loud laugh. “Yeah,” he says. “No, things are great. They’re awesome. Hermann’s awesome. He’s--a real catch.” (Newton makes a face.) “No, not married yet. I don’t know.”

“Newton,” Hermann hisses again.

“Wait, gotta go, uh, Hermann needs me. Not like--bye.” Newton hangs up quickly. Hermann crosses his arms.

“Why?” Hermann says.

“I panicked!” Newton says. “He was so excited, and he kept asking to meet you--”

“Which is exactly why you should’ve told him the truth!”

“I’m sorry!” Newton repeats. “I’ve just told him a lot about you, okay.”

“...Why?” Hermann repeats, but suspiciously this time.

“No reason,” Newton says, voice high. He laughs. “Anyway. Uh. Romantic comedy set-up, am I right, dude?” Hermann continues to scowl. “Look, is it that bad that people think we’re together?”

Truthfully, Hermann thinks, no, but...

“I mean,” Newton continues, and he gets redder. “Look. Hermann. If we’re being honest, cards on the table, I don’t totally mind if people think it. That we’re together.”

“That is a piss-poor excuse for a love confession and you know it,” Hermann snaps.

“Oh, fuck off, dude--” Newton says, but Hermann snags him by his stupid hand-knitted Godzilla sweater and kisses him square on the lips.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #this is like fake dating for five seconds #tubblin

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