#tumblr pls do not fuck the scaling on this one. i will actually kill you.

[xumoonhao]

say the name! seventeen!

[fvkisla]

hi. I’m v sick at the moment so this should be interesting xD enjoy the sassy sarcasm that is my existence!

PREFERRED NAME — Lo. I really dislike my full name so I shorten that shite.

PRONOUNS — she/her

AGE — as old as time itself if time started 24 years ago.

PINTEREST — okay, I’m a bad rper and female in general and I don’t understand pintrest. like I open it and my face looks like this

DISCORD — it’s historicallo something but again, I’m never on because I suck. 

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — historicallo.tumblr.com !! I’m never on it but its like an archive of baby Lo

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — *shamelessly plugs my art instagram* follow loartx !!

MYER-BRIGGS — ENFP-T

HP HOUSE — Ravenpuff all the way

ZODIAC — gemini

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — YES. I am a gemini through and through (if you think gemini’s are the worst then you are reading trash zodiac shite xD) and I have found my friends and family have lined up quite accurately with that. 

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — 16! (thought I did roleplay on neopets when I was 12 because I’m fucking cool)

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — 2012????

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — notanotherhighschool rp because I feel like that’s when I really fell into my character development. 

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — FENNEC. FOX. I love them??? I got to hold one once and I cried. I went to see them at the zoo after a hard falling out of a friendship and I cried. they own my heart. his name would be reginald and we would be glorious.

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — Painkiller by Beach Bunny 🤘🏻

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — *screams* IT’S A PLAY BUT I LOVE SHE KILLS MONSTERS AND IT’S SO WONDERFUL

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — lord of the motherfucking flies. kill it.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — black mirror. ugh, I love it.

FAVOURITE QUOTE — “though she be but little, she is fierce”

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — honest x

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — I got my degree in Creative Writing :3333 I specialize in historical fiction and realistic drama. my medium I specialized in is script/screenwriting yeeet

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — farfromsubtle (all of those bastards), superraedizzle, booksandlala, safyia nygaard, shane dawson

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — and IIIIiIiIiIiIIII -HOLY SHIT- will always LoooVvVVe Y O U

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — no BUT the beach my family has a house at, adrian brody also has a house there so ????

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — literally watching bootleg theatre shows with friends while drinking and talking about different theatre things until 3 am.

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — none actually. Idek why that is.

ARE ALIENS REAL? — FUCK YES!! we can’t be alone in this universe ok we simply CANT !!

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — BITLIFE OWNS MY SOUL

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — LITTLE FUCKING MERMAID. DON’T GET ME STARTED. I HAVE A THING ABOUT THE LITTLE MERMAID. linday ellis actually did a really good video about the problems with it.

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — alice in wonderland copies and memorabilia, books, student debt, and fennec fox stuffed animals

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — except for languages or instruments because I don’t have the dedication, I’m a very much a person who loves to learn. I sometimes research for fun........#nerd

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — french ( I speak some), sign language (same), japanese (literally know like three words)

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — coraline. I actually saw it 3 times in theaters and a billion times on dvd.

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — Beatrice from Much Ado about Nothing and Jo from Little Women

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — Only college hockey and SUNY OSWEGO BABBBY

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — video games, reading about and participating in theatre, reading, art, writing, procrastinating on writing, makeup and improv comedy.

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — BIOSHOCK, BIOSHOCK 2, AND BIOSHOCK INFINITE. THEY MAY BE OLDER BUT UGH. THEY GOOD. also check out farfromsubtle youtube pls and thank. they so goood.

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — anne boleyn or henry the viii 

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — team fucking anything else. TEAM SATAN

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — the new lion king movie. it was meh.

DO YOU STILL READ? — MY ROOM IS OVERTAKEN BY BOOKSHELVES AND I GO TO BARNES AND NOBLE EVERY MONTH. NOT ONLY DO I STILL READ, I HAVE A PROBLEM

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? —  Salem 1692 which is a day by day account of the witch trials. it’s a big boi. I’ve been reading it on and off since june.

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – a solid 4?

[inbtswethrrust]

MASTERPOST!

Hello I’m alive (barely!!!) I’ve decided to make this random masterpost (of yoonmin, for now) bc I feel really bad that I haven’t been able to be an active admin on here because Life(TM) and I’ve been too tired to go on tumblr :( So, here’s a bunch of stuff that I’ve read recently (never too tired to read fics amirite ha h a send help) and I hope you enjoy them! Drop a fanmail in the inbox and yell w/ me when you’re done!!! More random masterposts coming your way soon~

This is a long one my dudes, so all the juicy goodness under the read more :)

~YOONMIN~

Sleepovers in My Bed by baepce [T, 12k]

“You should just sleep here, hyung. It’s still raining hard.”

“Should I? My house is literally in front of yours though.”

The fingers in Jimin’s hair continue combing through the locks, soothing and gentle. Yoongi’s ministrations help him dip slowly into sleep. “Just listen to me, hyungie! I’ll make you pancakes in the morning.”

How can Yoongi say no to that?

; or Yoongi and Jimin get to know their selves, each other, and fall in love through a series of sleepovers.

Admin’s Note: SO GOOD!!!!!!! Friends to lovers always gets me especially when it’s one of those that start off as childhood friends it got me right in the heart strings

all the currents lead back to you by anyadisee [M, 19k]

Jimin doesn’t really lie so much as he chooses not to mention a certain truth to a certain witch, but he has his reasons. And they’re perfectly valid reasons, thank you very much, as a certain fairy and a certain half-human, half-pixie have constantly reassured him. Reasonable reasons. A surprise won’t exactly work if the person meant to be surprised gets a heads-up about it, after all.

Still, that logic doesn’t stop the little twinge of guilt in Jimin’s chest when he sees Yoongi’s text saying, Have a safe trip, I’ll see you in two days <3 (he even used a heart, Jimin thinks dazedly) when in fact Jimin a) is already out of Busan and has been crashing on Taehyung and Jungkook’s couch since yesterday, and b) will be seeing Yoongi not in two days, but just one. He just tries to shake it off by imagining the surprised look on his boyfriend’s face when he comes knocking on his door bright and early tomorrow, armed and ready for their first date.

And, wow. Their first date.

;;

[or in which jimin and yoongi finally go on their first date]

Admin’s Note: This is part of the moonlight on your skin, ocean in my veins series w/ witch!yoongi and mermaid!jimin and lemme tell u this is the fluffiest and sweetest thing I’ve read in a long time

What's Up, Buttercup by springrain21 [Not Rated, 14k]

Jimin meets Yoongi, the grumpy buttercup fairy, and proceeds to worm his way into his heart.

Admin’s Note: I was so surprised when I first read this because buttercup fairy???? What type of Soft am I gonna witness and then I was attacked by Actual Softness you won’t regret reading this (and squealing)

Love me this Christmas (and forever) by Imperatritsa [Not Rated, 12k]

Jimin had an album full of his most precious memories. He started it two years ago, going through his parent’s physical albums and his friend’s digital ones, picking all the pictures that made him smile bright enough to hurt his cheeks, the ones that made him feel warm, made him want to never stop looking at them because they brought back the sweetest memories.

Also all the Holidays he spent with Yoongi.

-

[or "childhood friends!au/friends to lovers!au where with each Christmas & new year's yoongi and jimin's feelings grow for each other"]

Admin’s Note: More friends to lovers!!!! This kind of reminded me of the sequel to When You’re In Love by jflawless bc of the photo album so if you liked that softness you’re gonna love this Trust

a gift wrapped in yellow by abdicar [T, 15k]

It was perfect.

Yoongi had taken a single look at it and decided that it was the ideal gift for Jimin. Yet, somehow, he managed to underestimate exactly how much his friend would love it - or how much Yoongi would resent having bought the damned thing in the first place.

(Or: the one in which Yoongi is Jimin's Secret Santa and gives him a really good gift which ends up backfiring. Or maybe not.)

Admin’s Note: More friends to lovers bc ohohohohoh also mutual pining and a super oblivious yoongi pls help him

Peach Kiss by BabyLove (sugamins) [T, 92k]

Includes:

Pepsi Cola Queens Hang On, Baby!

Admin’s Note: 80s!au and I suddenly feel the need to wear bell bottoms again

what the headlines don't tell you by anyadisee [T, 14k]

People call them Shadow and Hurricane.

Jimin calls them a pair of giant headaches, one a lot more so than the other.

;;

it's already difficult having a college-student-by-day, crime-fighter-by-night kind of lifestyle. jimin doesn't really need to be stressing over reckless fellow superheroes and crushing on cute bookshop workers on top of everything going on with his life, but here he is anyway.

Admin’s Note: Superhero au!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So good s o g o o d!!!!!! Warning: some violence but not anything super graphic or anything like that :)

in this blue light by anyadisee [T, 20k]

For a second, the dragon looks as though it's going to bump its head against Jimin’s palm, giving him the chance to graze his fingers over its glinting scales.

But then the second is over, and the dragon snorts instead, warm smoke coming out of its nostrils and blowing Jimin’s hair back. Then it turns around and goes back into its cave, leaving Jimin standing there and feeling like an idiot.

Taehyung appears by his shoulder seconds later, whistling lowly. “Well, that didn’t work. No worries though, Jimin! I’m going to find another way to get my necklace back. Sorry for dragging you all the way out here.”

Jimin says, “It laughed at me.”

Taehyung blinks. “What?”

“Taehyung, that dragon bastard laughed at me.”

;;

[or in which taehyung asks jimin, who has a calming aura towards animals, to help him get his necklace back from a dragon. only, it gets personal.]

Admin’s Note: This was so cute the dragon yall the d r a g o n

stay up (talking to the stars) by realitygetsdestroyed [t, 4k]

“Do you believe in the stars?”

Eight year old Jimin’s eyes bug out before he rapidly turns his body to Yoongi. “Do they have magic powers?”

Yoongi laughs, his chubby fingers rubbing against each other in order to get his blood circulating. “Sort of.” He looks up at the sky. “If you wish on some of them, they will grant that wish for you."

in which childhood friends yoongi and jimin stargaze every Christmas.

Admin’s Note: This was angsty but cute and growing up makes me emo

Sleepy by Whatev3rs [Not Rated, 1k]

After that, it's quite. Jimin starts getting very sleepy, and he's so comfortable right there, in Yoongi's bed, with his arms around the older's neck. So he doesn't realise it when his thoughts drift to his hopeless, hopeless feelings. And the illusion that everything was so perfect at that moment that he could get away with anything.

And before he realises it, he tips his head up and places a small kiss on Yoongi's neck, making the older's breath hitch and his own heart stop beating.

Admin’s Note: Non au gets me in the liver

After-school Deception by AriaHann [T, 7k]

She was the most beautiful girl Park Jimin had ever seen.

And yet, she was a strange girl. She was as tall as him, acted slightly boyishly, and had a deep voice. Her hobby was breaking other boys' hearts. Despite this, Jimin was only intrigued even further.

Jimin learned her name: Min Yoon(ji).

Admin’s Note: MIN YOONJI

Best Kept Secret by small things (lost_things) [E, 2k]

Yoongi is a lot of things, including something that A.R.M.Y. doesn't suspect. Jimin is a good dongsaeng in the best way possible.

Admin’s Note: who would i be if i didnt put any smut

soju and i love you by daegu1310 (jeonseokf) [T, 1k]

jimin is a star, yoongi wants to watch him shine.

My Soulmate Who Reads Smut by pseudo_nim09 [T, 2k]

Prompt: On some days, whatever your soulmate thinks of is something you can hear in your mind and your soulmate is currently reading smut fics and you’re trying so hard not to mess up this class presentation which shoulders half your mark for the semester.

Or

Where Yoongi is going to strangle his soulmate for reading some Taekook smut fic at a really shitty timing.

Baby Fever by sobermilk [E, 9k]

Jimin wakes up one afternoon feeling like he's been set on fire. Yoongi's not there to help him, so he helps himself instead.

I Swear by bramblejelli [M, 10k]

You gain a tally mark every time your soulmate swears.

Jimin swears like a sailor and Yoongi's never sworn a day in his life.

Bring On The Sunshine by smoljean [G, 42k]

With the help of their five year old "matchmaker" Taehyung, Yoongi and Jimin stumble into each other's lives. Cue the awkward, messy pining and dating adventures with a noisy kid in their way.

I blush every time I see you by dmingi [T, 10k]

After the incident, Yoongi the wizard and Jimin the water nymph met again at Santa's Christmas party where they share their first ever kiss.

Or

Magic AU where if you get stuck under the mistletoe, you wont be able to get out until you get kissed.

I Call Him Daddy (He Calls Me Baby) [Not Rated, 8k]

Jimin likes money. Yoongi likes fucking. They work out a deal.

Practice Makes by signifying_nothing [E, 4k]

the facts in the case of the unfortunate min yoongi: the Gay that Can't Suck Dick.  

i'm just going with the flow by arsen [T, 3k]

"I took advice from my friend and pretended to trip in front of you to get your attention except I fell harder than I thought and now my arm is broken can you drive me to the doctor please"

-

park jimin doesn't know if he should punch kim taehyung or thank him. kim namjoon either will go to jail or will be killed by kim taehyung and kim seokjin. min yoongi is confused and he takes advantage of namjoon's card, jung hoseok and jeon jeongguk just hangs around.

Yuletide Baby by MiniBunny [Not Rated, 12k]

With the help of their friends, Jimin and Yoongi realize their feelings for each other. And it goes a little too well.

Santa tell me (don’t make me fall in love again if you won’t be here) bySlytherintimelord [T, 4k]

- jimin, a 22 year old man, still believes in santa claus, and on christmas morning he finds a man not much older than himself sitting on his couch -

“At least you’re not like ‘Santa doesn’t exist’”, Mystery man whined and made air quotes, “I’m supposed to be the next Santa, but red is not a good colour on me. Also, I’m not short. And reindeers are useless in this day and age, when I can just ride a motorcycle or some shit. I mean, my grandfather was Santa, and he learned from this other old dude, and apparently I’m supposed pass down the lineage, but honestly, it’s a boring job-PUT THE BOOK DOWN,” hot mystery man yelled in panic as Jimin held the book up again from where his arm had lowered.

Minutes to Midnight by WeirdButIloveIt [Not Rated, 9k]

Park Jimin was your average fanboy: Poor, sleep deprived, and in love with someone who didn't even know he existed. A surprise Christmas gift may change that though, and maybe he was a little bit in over his head.

Yoonmin YouTuber AU

What I Like About You (Everything) by DIMPLEDJIMINIE [T, 3k]

After a long day for Jimin, Yoongi just wants to remind him why he likes or— loves him so much.

Yours by mochiJimin [Not Rated, 4k]

Jimin has a habit of not returning anything he borrowed from Yoongi. The older guy never complain tho until one day he did. And it just happen to be at the time when Jimin was drunk.

All I Want For Christmas (Is You) by ayumin [G, 6k]

So, yeah, it is likely that at some point in their lives everyone has had a crush on Jimin, or still has one, but at least Yoongi has the privilege of being one of his closest friends.

(Except Yoongi doesn't want to be Jimin's friend. Yoongi wants to kiss his neck.

And, unfortunately, it seems like his friends are very aware of that.)

No Spell Can Cure Shyness (except maybe love) byMissterMaia [T, 29k]

Yoongi really doesn’t expect the witchboy who sent him an accidental text to be the prettiest boy he's ever seen in all his life. Or the nicest. Or the kindest. Or just the best in every possible way.

Painfully shy and (un)smooth as he is, Yoongi decides the best way to approach this Jimin person is in the form of a cat. A cat who can't talk.

Great plan, Yoongi.

Admin’s Note: YA L L F L OOF TO THE M A X

Red's Big Bad Wolf by TheOrgasmicSeke [E, 31k]

Yoongi takes the journey to see his Nana once a week but ending up with a wolf stalking after him was the last thing Yoongi expected. Add in that the wolf is maybe the most gorgeous creature he has ever seen, and seems intent on making Yoongi his, just completes the list of problems Yoongi never wanted to have.

Or, Yoongi is Red Riding Hood and Jimin a rather gorgeous wolf who has easily fallen so very in love with him.

Admin’s Note: who’s cryin itsa me also i love yoongi’s grandma that is all

- A

[doggonneit]

The Last Red Scribble | Part 1/2

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing/Characters: Kuroo/Tsukishima

Rating: T for Teen

Warnings: Single Parent AU

A.N. This is a part of the KuroTsuki Gift Exchange 2017, written for @moonislander on Tumblr. Hope you enjoy!

Italics is Tsukishima. Bold is Kuroo.

[Read on AO3]

Monday PM

(2:33) I’m about to slam my head into the wall. (2:33) Tobio got into another fight. (2:34) He’s fucking five, how does he keep picking fights.  

(2:35) what a champ

(2:35) What the fuck, Akiteru. (2:35) You’re not supposed to say that.

(2:36) wrong number bud but legit (2:36) tobios got a future in cage fighting (2:36) whos tobio

(2:38) Oh, sorry. Wrong number.

(2:40) well dont leave me hanging (2:40) i need to know who to put my money on in the future

(2:41) Don’t make this weirder than it already is.

(2:41) :)))))

(2:42) Tobio’s my son.

(2:43) are you an old man (2:43) is that why you started texting me (2:44) STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER

(2:45) What the fuck, no. (2:46) I messed up my brother’s new number. (2:46) Evidently.  

(2:46) eviDENTly (2:47) arent you all smart and proper (2:47) thats how i like em

(2:49) Are you seriously flirting with me over text? (2:49) You don’t know stranger danger at all. (2:50) I don’t have time for this.  

(2:53) :((((( (2:55) come back

(2:56) I have to deal with my son.

(2:56) what an adulty adult (2:57) tell tobio hes a fucken champ

.

Tuesday AM

(7:22) sooo (7:22) i know your brothers name and your sons name (7:22) but not your name

(7:25) …

(7:25) hint hint

(7:26) Have you seen the latest stranger danger campaign? (7:26) It’s got your face all over it.  

(7:27) you think youre being funny but my mates crack jokes about my ugly mug making children cry (7:28) would tobio cry if he ever saw me

(7:30) He doesn’t even know what you look like.

(7:31) *image attached*

(7:34) I really don’t have time for this. I’m getting Tobio ready for school.

(7:35) if life were a party youd be the clown that sucks all the fun away (7:35) XP

(7:36) Why are you making that face?

(7:36) you hurt my feelings so im sticking my tongue out at you

(7:38) No-one uses that emoji for hurt feelings.

(7:39) i just did (7:39) XP (7:39) oh look i just did it again (7:39) XP (7:39) and again look at me go

(7:42) All right, all right, I’ll ask. (7:44) Tobio says you look like you killed a cat.  

(7:44) how does someone even look like that (7:44) your son needs glasses (7:45) what do you think then (7:45) smouldering eyes wicked grin (7:45) admit it im pretty

(7:46) Yeah, pretty atrocious. (7:46) What’s with that hair?

(7:47) HI THIS IS KUROOS BEST FREIDN FOERVER BOKUTO PLS DONT METNION HIS BEHDEAD IT MAKES HM SELF CONSCOIUS

(7:47) Aww. Is Kuroo sulking now?

(7:47) sajfkdsjp (7:47) asdffhajlkkasdfghijkl

(7:48) I feel like I should be concerned. (7:50) I am actually concerned.  

(7:51) how do i get rid of a body

(7:51) What.

(7:51) how do i (7:51) get rid of (7:51) a body

(7:51) Cook him and serve him to the police who knock on your door asking for his whereabouts.

(7:52) babe thats brilliant (7:52) youre a committed accomplice now

(7:52) On a scale of 1-10, how often do you hit on nameless and faceless strangers over the phone?

(7:52) 1 (7:53) its only ever been you (7:53) *heart emoji*

(7:53) I’m flattered.

(7:53) we have a dilemma (7:54) you know my name and my face (7:54) ive lost the advantage (7:54) who are you o mysterious phone man

(7:54) You really want to know?

(7:55) yes!!

(7:55) Well (7:55) My name is (7:55) *middle finger emoji*  

(7:56) i am (7:56) fucking betrayed (7:56) my own accomplice

(7:57) :)))))

.

Wednesday PM

(4:17) *image attached* (4:17) fight gloves for tobio when he grows up lololol

(4:20) Don’t even joke about that.

(4:21) did he get into another fight (4:21) whatd he do steal another kids party pie

(4:22) He ruined someone’s sandcastle.

(4:22) that punk

(4:22) He also threw the bucket at their head and made them cry.

(4:23) holy shit (4:23) i know you cant see but im pissing myself laughing

(4:23) That’s the second time this month. (4:24) Is he going for a new record? How concerned should I be? (4:24) I should ask my brother for advice.  

(4:24) okay but in all seriousness (4:25) dont kids usually act out because theyre upset about things

(4:26) Yep.

(4:26) you sound like you know whats going on

(4:27) Yep.  

(4:27) is the thing not an easy fix

(4:28) Tobio can’t exactly move back into his old neighbourhood and old school.

(4:28) ohhh (4:28) i get that totally been there (4:29) though that happened to me in middle school so i handled it differently

(4:30) You mean you didn’t stomp on sandcastles and throw buckets at people’s heads? (4:30) Shocking.  

(4:31) real mature of me ayy (4:31) but its chill tobio just needs time to adjust

(4:32) He’s been living with me for four months already.

(4:33) hes trying to survive a new environment (4:33) go easy on him

(4:35) All good and well until he accidentally kills one of his classmates.

(4:35) what could he possibly do (4:35) nah dont answer that

(4:36) You’re not inspiring much confidence right now.

(4:37) okay hows this (4:38) the most dangerous thing in a school is a pencil (4:38) if he stabs it through someones eye (4:38) what are the chances of a five year old having that good of an aim

(4:39) We could be surprised.

(4:40) lets give tobio the benefit of the doubt (4:40) have i brought your fears to rest or nah

(4:50) You’re interesting to talk to, I’ll give you that.

(4:50) is that why youve kept talking to me despite the anonymous and rather suspicious nature of our relationship

(4:50) Sure.

(4:51) *heart eyes emoji*

.

Thursday PM

(6:44) ive been thinking

(6:46) Make sure you give yourself a break every ten minutes. We wouldn’t want to strain your mental capabilities.

(6:47) hush child i got something to say (6:47) about tobio sort of

(6:48) I’m listening.

(6:49) so yesterdays conversation made me go all introspective (6:49) and if all tobios doing is throwing things (6:50) the lil guy will go far in life (6:50) i mean when i was five i was eating sand

(6:51) Congratulations, you just tripped over the lowest bar society set for its most basic standards.

(6:51) savage i love it (6:52) bokuto just called me a masochist (6:52) he doesnt even know what that means i bet he learned it from akaashi

(6:54) … (6:55) Who’s Akaashi?  

(6:55) the most beautiful man to grace the earth and bokutos boyfriend (6:55) im not even kidding his face was sculpted by gods (6:56) *image attached*

(6:57) Wow.

(6:57) exactly (6:57) no one knows how bokuto snagged him (6:58) my moneys on witchcraft

(6:59) Have a little more faith in your Best Freidn Foerver.

(6:59) hes my best bro but he does NOT have that much game

(6:59) You misspelled Best Freidn Foerver.

(7:00) all right he types like an electrocuted toddler (7:00) hes there for me during the good bad and ugly (7:00) and i support him 100% (7:01) but theres no logical explanation for how he got akaashi

(7:01) Maybe he has charm.

(7:02) gasp (7:02) babe (7:02) did you just imply i dont have any charm

(7:03) I didn’t say anything of the sort but it’s an apt description.

(7:03) you really are a savage (7:04) totally my type just saying

(7:05) For all you know I’m a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly.

(7:05) im a personality kinda guy anyway (7:05) so what do you look like

(7:07) Shh.

(7:07) ?

(7:07) Can you hear that?

(7:07) ??

(7:08) Stranger danger.

(7:08) DUDE COME ON (7:08) or are you actually a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly (7:08) because no judgement if you are

(7:10) *image attached*

(7:11) holy shit (7:11) HOLYS HIT (7:11) AJGSFAJKALHHJKKKLLLL

(7:13) Uh. (7:14) Hello? (7:15) Are you there? (7:18) I’m actually kind of worried now.  

(7:20) Hi, this is Akaashi. Kuroo’s fine; he’s muttering to himself on the floor. (7:21) Something about being sculpted by gods and touched by angels?

(7:22) What the fuck.

(7:22) Nice selfie :)

.

Friday PM

(9:28) arms (9:28) abs (9:28) legs (9:28) sore

(9:31) Do I really want to know? (9:31) No, I don’t.  

(9:32) :( (9:32) i experienced life death and hell all in the same day

(9:33) Now I can’t not know.

(9:33) i had vball training for a match next week and it was torture (9:33) and when we thought it was done no (9:34) we had practice matches with alumni and it was torture round two (9:34) then i had coaching which i usually love (9:34) but the kids kept spiking balls at me (9:35) 10 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS BODY 50 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS HEAD 100 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS NOSE

(9:36) You play volleyball?

(9:37) thats all you took from that

(9:37) I used to play volleyball in high school.

(9:37) wait are you serious (9:37) what position??

(9:38) Middle blocker.

(9:38) me too!! (9:38) what are the chances of us both playing vball and being middle blockers (9:39) this is destiny i feel it

(9:40) That was another lifetime ago lol.

(9:40) once a vball player always a vball player (9:40) how tall are you

(9:41) 195cm, why?

(9:43) 195 and yOU DONT PLAY VBALL (9:43) this is a crime (9:44) tell me tobio plays vball

(9:45) I... don’t think he’s ever tried it?

(9:46) the outrage (9:46) how could you (9:47) i just felt my heart crack (9:47) oohhh the pain

(9:47) Poor baby. Want me to kiss it better?

(9:47) i (9:47) ijakl

(9:48) ?? (9:50) Did you disappear on me again. (9:50) This seems to be a growing trend.

(9:51) Hi, this is Akaashi again. Kuroo is currently incapacifjskkl (9:51) WAHT DID U DO TO MY BSET FREIND FOREBER WHYS HE ALL RED N CHOKN ON HIS WORSD

(9:52) Oh. (9:52) Scroll up.

(9:52) OHO (9:53) OHOHO

.

Saturday AM

(11:10) my mates wont stop laughing at me (11:10) i live in a house of dicks (11:11) cant even escape them theyre on my team (11:11) i blame you

(11:15) Sucks to be you lol.

(11:15) are you taking pleasure in my pain

(11:15) It sounds wrong when you put it that way.

(11:15) ;) (11:16) i’m still upset though (11:16) make me feel better?

(11:17) You seem to think I possess the ability to feel pity. (11:17) I don’t.  

(11:18) you know what you do possess (11:18) the ability to feel annoyance (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) is it annoying yet (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) !

(11:19) ALL RIGHT, STOP.

(11:19) victory

(11:20) What do you want.

(11:17) whats your name

(11:17) Are you serious.

(11:17) i wanna know

(11:18) You reek of desperation.

(11:18) not gonna change my mind

(11:19) …

(11:19) wanna do the whole !!! thing again

(11:21) Fine. (11:21) You’ll ask politely.

(11:21) dom huh (11:21) im into that (11:22) will you pretty please with a cherry on top tell me what your name is

(11:22) N (11:22) O (11:22) *heart emoji*

(11:24) i cant believe (11:24) how could you (11:24) youre so mean

(11:24) :)))))

(11:25) shouldve expected it (11:25) do you always play with peoples hearts like this

(11:25) I enjoy jerking you around. You make some pretty good entertainment.

(11:26) glad to be of service :’)

(11:26) I suppose I could throw you a bone.

(11:26) im not falling for it this time

(11:26) Tsukishima.

(11:27) …

(11:27) My name is Tsukishima.

(11:27) it is (11:27) up down left right with you

(11:27) Disappointed?

(11:28) NEVER WITH YOU (11:28) TSUKKIIII

(11:28) No. (11:28) Do not.  

(11:28) i love your name its beautiful like you

(11:29) I revoke your right to say my name ever again.

(11:29) TSUKKIIII (11:29) *heart eyes emoji*

(11:32) I have never regretted anything more in my life.

.

Sunday PM

(3:24) You said you have a volleyball match next week, right?

(3:28) is this a dream (3:28) are you actually texting me first

(3:29) Miracles abound today.

(3:29) yeah i have a match next week why

(3:29) I mentioned it to Tobio and he got really excited. (3:30) He made me explain everything. I spent hours talking about rules and moves.  

(3:30) i  knew that kid had the vball genes in him

(3:30) I even dug up some old practice tapes from high school. (3:31) He’s obsessed with setting.  

(3:31) hed get along with my setter (3:31) that arrogant ass (3:31) i love him though

(3:32) *image attached*

(3:33) what… is that

(3:33) Tobio’s lack of artistic talent.

(3:33) i hope you didnt tell him that

(3:34) He said it was you blocking and scoring the winning point.

(3:35) he drew a picture of me?

(3:35) He captured your likeness down to the last red scribble.

(3:35) omg… omg...

(3:37) It’s not that big of a deal.

(3:37) youre not ruining this for me (3:37) this is the best day of my life

(3:37) Remember when we talked about low standards?

(3:37) your son loves me

(3:38) He drew a picture of you.

(3:38) and how many other people has he drawn???

(3:38) …

(3:38) thought so (3:39) tell my biggest fan i said hello and thank you (3:39) its the prettiest picture ive ever gotten

(3:39) Don’t get nudes much, huh.

(3:40) wow (3:40) WOWW (3:40) that went beyond savage (3:40) that was straight up murder

(3:41) You like it.

(3:41) yeah im really wondering about that masochistic streak

(3:41) About that.

(3:42) ??

(3:42) I was thinking (3:42) If you were interested (3:42) I could help you explore that.

(3:44) i just dropped my fuckign phone (3:44) are you fucking with me right now

(3:45) Yes.

(3:46) i fucking hate you

(3:46) No, you don’t.

(3:46) no i don’t

(3:46) Why do you keep falling for these things.

(3:47) actually im falling for you

(3:47) Seriously.

(3:47) hope (3:47) its all i got buddy (3:49) is this going to be like last time when you said no but then changed your mind

(3:50) No.

(3:50) dammit

.

Monday PM

(7:18) happy one week anniversary babe (7:18) do i get a gift (7:18) eyebrow wiggle

(7:21) Did you just type -eyebrow wiggle- at me

(7:22) *video attached*

(7:23) I did not ask for a video of you wiggling your eyebrows.

(7:23) its my gift to you

(7:23) I’m so… grateful.

(7:24) cmon gift gift gift

(7:24) I don’t know, I don’t have anything. (7:24) Actually (7:25) *image attached*  

(7:25) omg is that tobio (7:25) hes so fucken cute wtf (7:26) look at those hamster cheeks (7:26) whats he eating

(7:26) Blueberry cupcake. (7:26) It’s his reward for behaving in school.  

(7:27) aww no fights today?

(7:28) His teacher said he engaged positively with other students. He was trying to play volleyball with them.

(7:28) omg thats adorable (7:28) i see where he gets it from (7:28) are you teaching him how to play

(7:30) I taught him how to receive but I’m rusty. (7:30) I should look into classes for him. (7:30) Do they even have classes for kids that young?  

(7:31) the rec centre where i coach does (7:31) idk about other places though

(7:31) Whereabouts is your rec centre?

(7:32) shh

(7:32) You’re not doing the stranger danger thing on me.

(7:32) do you hear that

(7:32) Can you hear my sigh travelling across the wind.

(7:33) STRANGER DANGER

(7:33) Are you done.

(7:33) my centres in tokyo lol

(7:34) It wouldn’t happen to be the Tokyo Sports and Recreation Centre?

(7:34) how did you know that (7:34) oh my god this is real (7:34) STRANGER DANGER

(7:36) It’s a twenty minute walk from my place.

(7:36) i know i just joked about stranger danger but should you really be telling me that

(7:37) Take it as proof that I don’t think you’re a predatory serial killer.

(7:37) thats the nicest thing youve ever said to me (7:38) *heart emoji* (7:38) well if youre interested the kiddy classes are wed 5pm and sat 10am (7:38) you can go to one or both

(7:40) Hmm.

(7:40) times no good?

(7:42) My brother has Tobio on both those days. (7:42) I’ll have to talk to him about this.  

(7:43) ahh dont wanna encroach on uncle nephew bonding time

(7:43) I don’t think Akiteru will mind-- he used to play volleyball too.

(7:43) how did you ever think tobio wouldnt be a vball player (7:44) its clearly in his genes

(7:44) Wishful thinking. I never really liked volleyball.

(7:45) what no (7:45) why

(7:46) It was just a school club. I only did it because it was something to do.

(7:47) you come into my house

(7:48) Lol.

(7:48) well hey its paying off now (7:48) i bet tobio looks at you like youre a god

(7:49) Yeah. (7:49) It’s the first time he’s really looked at me. (7:50) So thanks. (7:50) :)