#tunnelbun discourse

[bonefall]

Firestar: *grinning cheerfully as he spots Onestar patrolling over the border.* "Wonderful newleaf day, isn't it?"

Onestar @ his patrol: *squint.*

Firestar: *pulls out a tunnelbun that is obviously covered in maple syrup and is DRIPPING in sweetness.* "Just BEAUTIFUL, isn't it?" *eats it whole.*

Harepaw: *stars in his eyes.*

Firestar: "OHOO? Instead of running away, you're coming closer?"

Harepaw: "can't bite the shit out of that tunnelbun without coming closer"

Firestar: "Well in that case, come as close as you like!"

[bonefall]

Don't worry everyone, my partner has created a solution to the tunnelbun discourse that will make EVERYONE upset;

[bonefall]

I want to eat the tunnelbun. I wish they were real. I want to eat the tunnelbun.

Real fact (true): Scourge came to the forest because Tigerstar said they were real and he could have some if he helped him take over the forest.

They were real and he does get to eat them. Happy ending!!

[bonefall]

Thunderclan seems to be a clan that would like helly, since they like maple syrup. They could make jelly with the berries in their forest, then put it in a tunnel bun and have jelly tunnel buns, but they eat the whole thing, bread and all.

ThunderClan is the population with the highest density of Sweetness Tolerance, probably owing to how berries and other sweets grow best in the forest, making the Clan more tempting to swap to if you have the gene.

100% they would like to sweeten their tunnelbuns, just like they do with other meats. BBQ masters. They love honey-glazed mouse.

[bonefall]

Please be quiet about the freaking tunnel buns I’m trying to make freak monsters

Dr. Victor Frankenstein smacking the bottom of a broom against the ceiling telling the Warrior Cats fandom to keep it down in the apartment above

[bonefall]

It'd be funny if sol was the reason why some clan cats can taste sweetness, he foresaw the sweet tunnelbun war of '23

Sol: "Ok Hollyleaf now kiss the baby on the forehead"

Hollyleaf: "Oh, he's sparkling! What did that do to him?"

Sol, grinning evilly because he knows this is going to be sooooo funny 123 years in the future: "Nothing important."

[bonefall]

..do you think riverclan cats might drizzle fish oil on their tunnelbuns bc they dont like the rabbity buggy taste

Funny enough RiverClan would prefer pure tunnelbugs to mixed rabbit/bug tunnelbuns, because insects usually taste more like seafood than mammal meat. Which kinda makes sense when you realize that a crab is just a water bug...

But bugs and buns are still quite different from fishyfish so if WindClan wanted to trade with RiverClan they might actually do it as an agreement to turn fish into tunneltrouts. Then they don't need to hunt for the meat at all, they're trading a service + raw material from grains alone.

BUT anyway yes, fish oil would immediately make a tunnelbun more delicious. RiverClan, also, commits the cardinal sin of biting the bun like an apple, dipping it in fish oil like a sauce after each bite.

[bonefall]

To the anon who posted “the sweet tunnelbuns are forbidden” post I hope you know that I am currently putting legos in your shoes and that every breath you breath will be laced in ash and shame.

I am starting tunnelbun discourse because I am a sweet tunnelbun supremacist. Sweet tunnelbun haters dni.

Now if you excuse me, I’m going to be eating MY SUPERIOR tunnelbuns with honey and european mulberries that my clan stole from the local twoleg.

Zoomed in photo of you and the Savory Anon brawling at the Annual Wind/Thunder Rendevous, after your argument causes the whole event to descend into chaos

[bonefall]

Hello? Is that a ghost?

THE GHOST IS NOT IMPORTANT WE ARE FIGHTING ABOUT SWEET AND SAVORY TUNNELBUNS RIGHT NOW

[bonefall]

poppy seed decorated tunnelbuns as a sleep aid for kittens who are having a hard time sleeping :)

also FUCK YOU!! GET SOME FUCKING CORRIANDER IN THERE!! NO SWEETS! JUST SPICES

Adorable! Mix it up with some gravy and some rabbit lung and you can make an easy pill capsule for any kitten who won't take their meds lmao

BUT I HOPE YOURE NOT JUST STUFFING RAW ASS CILANTRO IN THERE ANON. ANON LOOK AT ME. A TUNNELBUN NEEDS MEAT.

[bonefall]

I LEFT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND NOW EVERYONE'S FIGHTING AT THE GATHERING ABOUT TUNNELBUNS

THUNDERCLAN WANTS IT SWEET, RIVERCLAN IS DIPPING IT IN FISH OIL, SHADOWCLAN IS DOUBLE FRYING IT, WINDCLAN IS DISOWNING EVERYONE.

ALSO I WATCHED THIS DUDE FROM SKYCLAN NAMED SPLINTERFOOT MUGGING SOMEBODY WHAT IS HAPPENING /J

You and everyone else who opens this blog in the morning to catch up on the Bonefall Gazette

[bonefall]

if my name is going to be splinterfoot then I’m going to be a skyclan warrior

SPLINTERFOOT. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT;

You went to the THUNDERCLAN/WINDCLAN RENDEVOUS, attacked a ThunderClan warrior over their eating of a sweet tunnelbun, brought the whole meeting down into chaos, but you were part of SKYCLAN the whole time??

This is a canon WC level plot you just started war in two clans you're not even part of

[bonefall]

Oh my god I actually have a reason to eat the tunnelbun crust. Sweetpaw was the most relatable character to me in canon because she died of tummy trouble

Sweetpaw's death diagnosis: Ooooggh tummy. 1 dead 24 injured.

Don't think this gets you off the hook, anon, WindClan will still reflexively wince at the idea of biting the bread. You're on Doctor's orders to be cringe in their eyes.

[bonefall]

I’m now imagining Windclan somehow finding out they can like ‘fry’ fish.

Like wash with egg, roll in leftover tunnelbun crust/crumbs and cook

Would be a hit in Riverclan and Harespring I think

I love the phrasing "it would be a hit in Harespring"

WindClan is always seeking novelty because of how much rabbit they eat, and they do fry mashed grubs to create "grubcakes" since they need to supplement fat in their diets. They'd be able to figure out that anything can be fried, definitely.

ShadowClan is actually most likely to fry fish specifically, though breading would be difficult. They have wetland access which means they have their own access to fish and frogs.

I wonder if you can fry frog eggs...

[bonefall]

I’ve been thinking about the logistics of tunnelbun ear loops— for them to be strong enough not to break when attached to a ye olde tunneler’s belt, they would need to have quite a lot of gluten in them, which is entirely possible with a lot of wheat or rye flour, but gets more complicated as the ratio of other grains increases. Maybe this problem could sometimes be solved by kneading extra (since the dough isn’t usually eaten anyway), or maybe extra structural support could be added with strands of twine baked into the dough when the available flour is making especially brittle tunnelbuns?

They could use Common Heather for the straps, that plant is quite woody and fire-resistant. I haven't made one myself to test the theory, but it seems possible to wrap the stems in dough and bake it right into the bun

[bonefall]

yowling it louder for the cats in the back: if you aren't eating your tunnelbuns INSIDE a TUNNEL, you're doing it WRONG. you are not getting the true tunnelbun experience unless you're in total darkness and your clanmate is trying to steal your tunnelbun right from your paws cuz they think they could pass it off as an honest mistake if you call them out for it

FORRREALLLL kits these days will never know the experience of being down in the dark and only knowing the passing of time by how hungry you're getting. Like. We didn't even need to see the sun, best clock in the world was the smell of your bun suddenly hitting your nose just right.