#turns out i learned poses just so that helena could attempt to chomp on the family pet and suck blood from a hunk of raw meat

[thebramblewood]

Helena seeks out new ways to satisfy her insatiable cravings for blood (none of which are very successful).

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Chapter 3: Sustenance Methods and Sources

Helena, thinking: Ugh! No way that's going to cut it.

Hmm... [to Banjo] C'mere, boy.

Banjo: [whimpering]

Julia: Banjo! Where are you? I'm ready for my morning kisses!

Helena: [muttering under breath] Oh my god. What the fuck is wrong with me?

-

Darling: Yooooo! Helena! Long time no see.

Helena: [awkwardly] Oh, uh, hey, Darling.

Darling: Interesting assortment of items you've got there. What's with all the meat? Aren't you a vegetarian?

Helena: [nervous chuckle] It's for my parents. They've been away on vacation and I wanted to give them a warm welcome home: burgers for Dad and a clean house for Mom.

Darling: Helena, wait up! I can't believe you didn't tell me you were back in town. We've got so much catching up to do!

Helena: Well, I was hoping not to be back for too long, but you know how the job market is these days...

Darling: Yeah, it's been a real rude awakening after relying on my basketball scholarship so long. But I just landed a sweet bartending gig. I can totally score you free drinks!

Helena: Cool. But I'd better get going now.

Darling: What's the rush?

Helena: Sorry. I just can't trust my sister not to burn the place down if I leave her unattended.

Darling: Well, call me if you ever want to hang. I'm assuming you haven't lost my number!

-

Helena, thinking: I can't believe it's come to this.

[immediately gags] NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!