#turns out they're all abused and the fandom only knows how to identify the most overt of it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drbtinglecannon · 2 years

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001 with TOH! Or, because that one was predictable, 003 with Lilith 💜

I'm a'ok with predictable haha, I'll do both!

TOH

1. Favorite character:

This is so difficult but I'll have to say it's a tie between Eda & Darius

2. Least favorite character:

Tibbles, other vile chars (Odalia, Kikimora, Terra, Adrian) are at least fun to hate, have good designs, and contribute to good char analyses on why they're like that & the harm their abuses caused. Tibbles is just...a capitalist pig, which is a great pun but he's still boring

3. 5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Raeda, Lumity, Huntlow, Gustholomule, Dariraeda. Or every char x therapy

4. Character I find most attractive:

Darius, Raine, Eda, Camila, & Steve all take turns bearing the title of "most fuckable person in the grocery store". Lilith isn't qualified solely out of respect

5. Character I would marry:

I feel like Camila would be the best choice haha

6. Character I would be best friends with:

I would've loved to have Luz as a friend in HS

7. A random thought:

A headcanon I have is that Eberwolf's a polyphyodont (his teeth continually replace themselves) like a shark. This horrified Darius at first

8. An unpopular opinion:

*sighs* Huntlow is a perfectly cute ship that's still important representation regardless if either char is queer or not, and if it ended up canon it would not ruin the queerness of the show nor would it be "horrible rushed writing". There are clear hints for a romantic angle plus it's been directly paralleled to both Lumity & Caleb/Wittewife, and after everything the show has been through & did for queer rep it's fucking nuts people are this mad over something minor. No one has to like x pairing but it's honestly depressing to see these complaints so often.

Also m/f does not automatically mean "allocishet" nor is it inherently bad, signed a queer person in a straight passing relationship

9. My canon OTP:

Lumity & Raeda are so fucking incredible and both mean so much to me, sometimes I can't believe they're canon

10. My non-canon OTP:

There's a lot of ship questions huh. So here I'll put "Darius Eber Hunter & Flapjack all live together & it's sweet chaos" because I have put a lot of HCs, writing, and energy into thinking about them

11. Most badass character:

Steve convinced a god to not care about godhood during his journey of leaving "faceless minor character status" via quietly quitting a cult. Goals

12. Most epic villain:

Belos is really the only choice, but even further Belos is probably one of the top villains in western animation, guy is unstable yet iconic

13. Pairing I am not a fan of:

Bosh//low & gold//ric were unavoidable for years (2yrs for bw 1yr for eh) it was awful

14. Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

I don't wanna say "screwed up" bc despite any gripes I have I love almost every character, but I think Lilith got shafted esp with how prevalent she was at the beginning of S2 before leaving. I know why storylines had to be dropped but I think Lilith suffered a lot more from it than others

15. Favorite friendship:

Gus & Hunter, I had no idea what to expect going into LR and I adore every moment of it & everything that's come since

16. Character I most identify with:

Amity & Eda are both extremely relatable

17. Character I wish I could be:

Eda hands down I wish I was that trash milf criminal

Lilith

1. How I feel about this character:

I'm an outlier in that I always loved Lilith, even after S1 first ended and so much of the fandom hated her (for good reason tho). Her friendship with Hooty means so much to me and was so funny to see start

2. Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character:

N/A aroace queen

3. My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character:

The tragedy of her relationship with Eda is just. Ah. It kills. Lifelong damage that she can't ever take back from a moment of weakness caused by the world Belos made, but she was able to lessen the load of it and through that finally starts to really understand & sympathize with her sister and work to rebuild their relationship after decades

4. My unpopular opinion about this character:

I don't think it was bad writing that Luz so easily forgave Lilith at the start of S2, that fits Luz's character so much to think of transgressions against herself so lightly and focus more on the ones against Eda -- but since Eda also easily forgave Lilith bc that also fits her character so much, Luz would follow Eda's lead there. That said I'm gonna write a fic about the hard apology Lilith gave Luz offscreen

5. One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon:

Apologies to Luz, King, & Eda, the heart-to-heart with Gwen & Dell, the confrontation with Raine about cursing Eda

6. Favorite friendship for this character:

I think so much about how Lilith befriending Hooty is what made everyone else finally start treating Hooty with any respect or kindness

7. My crossover ship:

N/a aroace queen

#asks #answered #thanks for asking!#sorry to get salty there. like no one has to like xyz but gosh it gets annoying & depressing to see #im gonna scream i cant believe s3 starts tomorrow

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olderthannetfic · 3 years

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I think the problem with publishing fic is that often good fanfiction is good fanfiction. Which is basically its own medium and creating an adaption into a new medium (whether it be a novel or a movie) is a talent of its own. You'd basically have to rewrite the entire fic to make it work but that's not what these guys are looking for when they crow about publishing our fic. They want a novel or script ready to be published with only some minor edits, not the full overhaul necessary for a quality adaptation.

Plus a lot of good fanfiction can't be removed from the context of the derivative work without ruining the story entirely so filing the serial numbers off simply doesn't work for a good chunk of the quality stuff. It's too often in conversation with canon, or in conversation with fandom and our communities, or the canon concepts and characterizations used are too integral to the story to change. A good fic writer who can write consistent characters and weave solid worldbuilding, if they are drawing off canon, will be skilled enough to write a tight enough story that the canon elements can't be removed.

And of the quality stuff that is different enough from canon that the copyright can be removed is usually already so different that tbh when you file the serial numbers off, you can probably get away with not calling it fanfiction and no one will ever know. Who knows how many original works out there started as fanfiction (especially RPF)? Probably a lot more than publicized. And that's also okay, but chances are those writing are just going to self-publish if they want to bother with it.

So most quality fic writers either write stuff that simply will not work without canon contexts or are basically writing original stuff already.

And then throw in the fact wattpad employees probably don't understand fic culture (on top of the % of shamelessly self-indulgent rather than more well-written fic being much higher on wattpad due to the site's culture) I don't think they'd be able to find let alone identify good fic that could feasibly be adapted so instead they rely on popularity which, as well all know, does not mean quality. And even out of what they do find, they're restricted by how they can't get too transgressive or risky in what they choose to publish. So no weird porn, sure, but also nothing too dark or intense or complex. The 200,000 word fic I'm reading about a character escaping an abusive household and healing from abuse (while entering a poly relationship with two kindred spirits) is not what these wattpad people want. The fics where the challenges of gender is explored, even cisgender stuff, not going to be picked up either. Fics where worldbuilding is the focus is not going to be touched. Fics that involve sci-fi and fantasy also have a higher price to turn into a movie, so none of those either. Slow burns will take too long for a movie, so no to those as well. So many big genres in fanfiction as well as any of the truly fun, engaging stuff we create will just be passed over even when they are found because they aren't conventional enough.

Like, what is left that they even can publish that's not 15 chapter self-insert RPF romances. They're simple, basic, easy to find, and easy to adapt. They're the safe choice out of what is already a very limited pool considering the amount of fics out there. And still limited even in that subgenre because I can't imagine they will publish those Boyband member/self-insert Purge AUs either, or serial killer AUs, or I got sold into slavery to One Direction stuff. Stuff like the Kissing Booth or After is so vanilla, even for sfw self-insert RPF romance, that you can tell they can't even embrace the self-insert romance fic subgenre in its entirety because it's still just too deviant for them.

I'd say a tremendous number of original m/m novels started life as a fanfic plotbunny. The more successful ones typically aren't just a pull-to-publish affair thought. Even when you can guess which fic characters the author might have been thinking of, the more complete-feeling "original" novels usually got switched to original in the planning process, not after the fact. Pre-2010, I see a lot more badly-filed serial numbers and novels that don't quite hold together. In recent years, I've seen a shift towards books that are trying to be a bit more like mainstream published novels in structure.

So most quality fic writers either write stuff that simply will not work without canon contexts or are basically writing original stuff already.

Bingo.

Re what they'll adapt, if they want a TV series, they might look at tame urban fantasy that won't be too vfx-heavy, but I agree that they won't go for high fantasy or space opera or any really pricey genre unless the author is already gaining an insane following on their own. Situations like The Martian happen, but they're not common and don't require Wattpad and its various partnerships. Bland contemporaries are much more likely for film and probably for tv as well.

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toilet-bound-messenger · 4 years

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TBHK theory: is Tsukasa really the "abuser"? + the meaning of the ropes

So I know that it is a common belief in the fandom that Hanako was abused by someone close to him since he did say that "he forgives it". And since he forgives it, it's obvious that it must be someone important to him, right? And that someone is most likely Tsukasa... or is it?

The reason why we think that is because of Hanako's reactions to when he runs into Tsukasa. So I guess a lot of us just assumed that he reacted that way because he's scared of Tsukasa. But I think that rather being scared of Tsukasa, he's scared of himself. Remember when he jumped on Yashiro after Tsukasa first showed up? I can't find the post anymore but I do remember someone saying that reenacting a past traumatic experience is a common way to "deal" with it. Thus he jumped on Yashiro to emulate that because seeing Tsukasa made him remember when he killed him. Which is why he's always so uncomfortable around Tsukasa: because it makes him think of a traumatic event. Not necessarily because Tsukasa was the "abuser".

We also have this image:

Which makes us think that Tsukasa might be the abuser because Hanako is bound by ropes while a shadow that looks like Hanako is saying something in his ear. A common idea here, is that the shadow is Tsukasa, however I'm not sure about that. If it really is Tsukasa, then why does he not have the patch on his right cheek? It might just be me, but besides the clothes, I think that the obvious way to tell Hanako and Tsukasa apart is the patches they have on their cheeks. Hanako's is on his left cheek and Tsukasa's is on the right. But as we can see the shadow doesn't have Tsukasa's patch. If the shadow does have a patch then it's on the side that we can't see: the left side, the same as Hanako's.

Thus, I think that this shadow might, or might not be a metaphoric representation of Hanako himself, fucking himself over and tying himself town out of guilt because he killed his brother. Hanako is blaming himself. After all, we can also see the knife being bound as a way to remind himself of what he did.

Oh, and let's talk about the ropes.

Another belief is that maybe Hanako was abused with ropes, that Tsukasa may have been into... bondage?? And he did that to his twin brother?? This doesn't sound right, doesn't it?

Tsuchigomori says: "you're always covered in cuts and bruises" but there's no mention of ropes. I mean, I'm only assuming here, but if the abuser really did use ropes then wouldn't they be easy to see? Tsuchigomori also says that it happens every single day so all the bruises he has on his body must always be fresh/recent, right? I would guess that rope bruises are really easy to identify whether you're a nurse or a normal person.

But then... What the hell do the ropes mean?! Well I have an easy answer to give: those ropes are a recurring theme in TBHK.

Almost all of the covers of the volumes have ropes on them and even side art from Aida.

Look at this:

So there could be 2 different explanations for this:

1) Aida likes drawing ropes

2) Ropes are a metaphor for something

I think it's obviously answer n°2.

Maybe what I'm going to say sounds super obvious, but I feel like ropes are a way to show us that all of those characters are "bound" together. Their stories and lives are all tied together since they're all important characters in the story and they're the ones to move the plot forward.

We can see it especially here:

The rope is tied to Hanako's pinky finger, and most times, in Japanese culture they call that the "red string of fate". Basically, you're tied to someone else. Which is most times your soulmate. That whole rope thing means that all of those characters' fates are tied to eachother.

But now the last point: if I don't think that the abuser is Tsukasa and that the rope doesn't mean that Hanako was abused with ropes then what the hell does this all mean? Who's the abuser?

Well to be honest... I don't know.

I think the obvious answer here would be their parents. I mean, we know nothing about them. Where are they?? Could Hanako and Tsukasa be orphans?

Maybe they were abused in the orphanage, after all, it's common knowledge that Japanese orphanages are shit. (Or at least they were shittier back then, maybe now it's better but I'm not a specialist in the subject.)

Also, isn't it weird how we always saw past Hanako but never past Tsukasa? Why? Why haven't we seen him yet? Maybe because Tsukasa was abused even more than Hanako.

Let me explain: we got this whole explanation

This is in chapter 46 when Amane was talking about Scorpius and Antares, and how they're actually twin stars but that one of the 2 is brighter than the other so you can only see one of them. (Sorry for the quality of the image, I can't find better.)

This is obviously a metaphor for Amane and Tsukasa. So what does it all mean?

Well, long story short: I think that Tsukasa wasn't allowed to go to school while Amane was.

If my orphanage theory is correct, then I would guess that the orphanage had funding issues (I mean, it's a problem even to this day and not only in Japan. Orphanages being short on money because the governement doesn't care enough to help abandoned kids is ocurrent.)

So I don't find that hard to believe that the orphanage might've been like "Fuck it! Let' send the older twin brother to school and the younger one can stay here. We can't afford to send all of our children to school after all." I mean it's weird, right? That in the flashback Tsuchigomori didn't even mention Tsukasa. If Tsukasa was really going to school and was the abuser then wouldn't Tsuchigomori be like "oh, it's weird how your twin brother doesn't have any bruises while you do. Is he the one to do this?"

But no. There is absolutely no mention of Tsukasa whatsoever. Which is really, really weird. I had twins in my classroom throughout elementary school and middle school and they were always put in the same classroom. So if Tsukasa really did go to school I would guess that they would not only be in the same classroom, but also Tsuchigomori would bring him up.

Thus while Amane was in school, Tsukasa was the one being abused, and that's why he's so fucked in the head. Because Tsukasa was actually the one getting most of the beatings, the cuts and the bruises.

Of course, school in Japan lasts longer than in the west with the clubs and all. But I would guess that Amane didn't join a club because he wanted to get back as quickly as possible to help his brother. That's why Amane didn't have any friends. Because he would always rush to the orphanage after school.

I think, Amane being the caring big brother he is, he would take the abuse instead of Tsukasa when he was "home" to protect him as much as he could, but since he was at school most of the time, Tsukasa was the one taking most of the beatings.

And since Amane was going to school, I would guess that they went "easier" on him so the teachers wouldn't call the cops on them. That's also why Amane decided "not to go anywhere anymore."

Because whenever he's away from his brother, Tsukasa gets hurt. Amane decided to throw his dream away to protect Tsukasa from the abusers.

And so, that is also why I think that Tsukasa has a mental illness. That's why he's so much more emotionally unstable than Amane. Hanako has obviously problems too, but Tsukasa is the one who got the short end of the stick.

I would guess, Tsukasa may be a sociopath at this point. A current belief, is that sociopaths like to hurt animals/kill them to feel something. When someone is abused, what the brain does is to "repress" emotions to feel less pain. That's how different mental illnesses get born.

For example, "dissociating" to feel like you're not you, to believe that it's someone else who's suffering right now your brain tries to make you believe that you're "out" of your body.

Dissociative personality disorder makes you develop multiple personalities inside yourself so you can switch between them and feel like you're safe while another personality is taking the abuse for you.

And then, of course, sociopathy, your brain "turns off" your emotions for you to stay "sane" but funnily enough, in the long run it makes you insane since you can't feel emotions in normal situations anymore.

A lot of mental illnesses come from traumatic experiences, they're defensive mechanisms after all. Mental illnesses are your brain trying to protect you from excessive pain...

This got dark real quick, sorry.

Anyway, this whole theory started with a thought I had: "Why would a sibling, not to mention a TWIN, abuse his brother?"

The conclusion I came to is: they wouldn't.

I'm not saying that it's definitely impossible at a 100% but I always found that weird how everyone thinks that a twin sibling would abuse his other sibling. Especially since twins are so close.

And to end it all...

I think that what went down with the Yugi siblings is that, one day they decided to end it all. They couldn't take the suffering anymore so they decided to kill themselves.

But right at the end, Tsukasa's emotions finally kicked in and he got scared at the last moment. And so, he begged Amane to finish the job. Amane then got traumatized from killing his brother and he ran to the girls' bathroom and hung himself out of guilt. Or maybe he also stabbed himself like Tsukasa? Who knows.

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #theory #yugi tsukasa #yugi amane #hanako

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mileycfan4eva33 · 4 years

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Fandom: SVU

Title: Covenant From The Heart

Chapter 1: Violent Moment

P O V: Amanda Rollins

(A/N: Noah, Jessie, Billie do not exist in this fic. I own nothing except my ideas and original characters. All others belong to Wolf Entertainment and NBC.)

Saturday, June 2020

Christopher Street, New York, NY

"I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

how wonderful life is while you're in this world."

The radio plays as I sit inside the back of the Covenant House Van across from my Captain Olivia Benson, along with two trained Crisis Counselors from Covenant House, New York. Andrea O'Sullivan and Robert "Bobby J" Rodriquez. "Thanks for coming again with me, Amanda."

My smile is tight as I look back at Olivia there is a sadness in her eyes as we turn towards each other. "You're welcome, Liv, did Kat give any reason as to why she couldn't make it tonight?" "her mom has to work a double, and they couldn't find a babysitter last minute on a Saturday."

"Yeah, I hear that could be hard." Olivia sips her coffee, trying to keep warm. "I never mind helping Captain. Covenant House is such an amazing place Olivia, I'm always happy to volunteer for whatever they need."

"Thank you, detective Rollins we try. It isn't easy when we have 20,494 youth who are homeless." Andy's statement sends tremors down my spine. I try to hide the fact that I am shivering, as a cop, I knew those statistics. The number of homeless children in the United States is at its highest in more than a decade.

I can even break down the statistics that roughly 800,000 children are reported missing each year in the United States that's 2,000 kids who go missing every day in the USA. There are 115 child stranger abduction cases, LGBTQ youth represent as much as 40% of the homeless youth population. Between 1.6-2.8 million youth runaway each year in the United States. Children can begin running as young as ages 10-14. The youngest are the most at-risk for the dangers of street life.

Too many people take the attitude of Children who runaway make their own decisions to go. Let them be, they've made their personal choice and must deal with the consequences. If they want to come home, they will. That is so wrong because once these kids hit the streets, they have hours of reaching an inner-city before they become targets for these pimps. Once the pimps get their hands on these kids, they no longer have a choice. They are property of those pimps, and these monsters would take a bullet before they lose their 'product.' It is estimated that many young people, especially girls, begin engaging in survival sex within 48 hours of leaving home. Sex for food and a place to stay can quickly escalate into formalized prostitution.

I've seen what happens to those kids after becoming branded; they learn quickly to harden themselves and trust no one. The treacherous environment in which they must learn to survive is heartbreaking. They do not always outwardly present as sympathetic victims. They also frequently suffer from short–term and long–term psychological effects such as depression, self-hatred, and feelings of hopelessness. These child victims also need specialized services that are not widely available given they often have illnesses, drug addictions, physical and sexual trauma, lack of viable family and community ties, and total dependence—physical and psychological—on their abusers.

"Amanda, do you want some coffee?" "no, thanks, Liv, I'm good." "Sure you are; that's why I can see those goosebumps on your arms, Rollins." Olivia's left-hand grazes across my left arm, which she has now caused to go stiff in fear. Olivia's touch, smile Liv has no idea how she effects me.

Every hair is standing at attention, my heart racing, face flushed. My brain stutters to find words to respond to Olivia. It should be simple to say those words to tell Olivia how I feel; this is 2020, not 1990. I shouldn't be afraid of rejection to tell someone I have a deep crush on that I have a crush. I've told more than a half of a dozen women in my past that I liked them. I am not ashamed to identify as a lesbian.

Which brings me to question why I haven't confided in anyone I have worked with over the past nine years. Swallow Amanda, just swallow and relax. Olivia has no idea how you feel; she isn't asking you to spill how you feel. She's asking you for a drink stop freaking out you'll look like a fool.

"No, I'm good save the coffee for the kids, they need it more than I do. I'm okay."

"Detective Rollins we have more than enough." that's a lie I know before it even escapes Andy's lips she's just being nice to us since it's rare for cops to volunteer to do ride a long's, the department does not sanction them. 1PP truthfully goes out of their way to discourage us from doing them because they are so dangerous because these pimps could recognize one of us and blow our covers in the future. Sometimes I think they fear we will become too sympathetic with a homeless kid because God forbid NYPD cops be human and understand what life on the streets is actually like; we might let these kids go when indeed we are forced to pick them up for simply trying to stay alive.

Saturday nights are one of the busiest nights in New York City, especially for the homeless population in our impact zones. Turning down Bleeker Street, which is alive with nightclubs blaring music. Flashing neon signs obnoxiously calling out $2 dance bars—other signs signaling their bars, clubs, stores. Panhandlers line every corner, many with bloodshot eyes, sniffling noses, and scanning the crowd from our blackened windows. I can see swindlers working in pairs trying to rob the tourists who unsuspectingly stroll among them the glittering, neon buildings. Many are walking with cell phones out, looking for directions.

Olivia and I both exchange a look knowing half of them will be robbed. There's so much we both want to say but don't. Drug deals go down in plain sight to the untrained eye. It would be easily missed, in between the blaring lights and smells of Colombian bakeries, beauty salons, Mexican restaurants, and bars like the Gentlemen's Club advertising beautiful female dancers. People along this stretch of road hand out business cards emblazoned with half-naked women or fruits and flowers all that advertise "Free Delivery" and typically list the hours of operation between 10:30 a.m. and 2:30 a.m. It's a cover, of course, the cards are marketing tools of brothels that have set up shop inside private homes and apartments.

As the hour is growing later, the tourists are fading away; the clubs are starting to shut down, and the other Christopher Street, the one never mentioned in magazines, or featured on the nightly news and morning talk shows comes alive. This is our Christopher Street teens strutted past in the dark, often stopping to air kiss, catcall, or sometimes brawl.

Young LGBTQ youth in platform thigh-high boots, buttocks-revealing denim shorts, red-pleather boleros with matching caps and tops of the backless, sleeveless, or even frontless variety, those on the nightly parade here do anything but hide. They compete for best outfit, /best moves in nightly dance battles that rage beside the Hudson River to the sound of a boombox on the pier at the end of the street.

The teens are beautiful, but the night-life here is ugly, violent, and scary; the teens themselves often fight turning violent. Customers drunk throw glasses, bottles, or try to take the girls, ripping hair out, beating them. Not every person working is trying to cause problems; of course, there are many just trying to get by to pay rent that now topples over $3,000. I can barely afford my apartment in Brooklyn with my salary.

Cops are lining every street, but we are not here as cops Olivia and I are riding with the covenant house team to help them reach the kids whoa re too afraid to find Covenant House or don't know that help exists. We are reaching to find kids who need food, warmth, and shelter. We provide sandwiches, beverages, ears to the kids if they are ready to tell their stories.

In the van we provide education about sex, pregnancies, STD prevention, we give them condoms. We let them cry, scream, ask questions, or sit in silence; we let the kids choose what they need when they need it. Many have never been given a choice of anything in their lives. We gain the kids' trust and, when ready, we will get them to our crisis shelters, where they're given love and support to permanently stay off the streets. Some stay only a few days and decide they aren't ready to give up the life they know. They have to be willing to be drug-free and make other commitments to stay at Covenant House. Some, however, remain with Covenant House and complete the whole program.

Frequently it takes multiple interactions before the kids will trust those of us on the outreach team enough to accept our offers of help they've simply been burned by adults too many times in their lives.

"So Captain Benson, my boss tells me you've been coming on these rides along's since you joined SVU in 1999. Any specific reasons?"

Andy's question perks my interests in the nine years I have known Olivia; I have never known the answer to this question myself. For the first six years, when I went on these outreach trips, I never knew she went along. I only found out three years ago when we were paired together by accident on a night when they had more volunteers than vans. I never asked myself for fear of having to answer the same question back; it's a part of my past. I have kept hidden for many years. I have no intention of starting to share that story now.

"I was on the job about two months with Special Vics when we came across the case of a fourteen-year-old girl who we had to arrest for selling drugs to her classmates, sometimes in exchange for sexual favors. The whole Squad called her Spoiled Sally because she came from the upper west side, went to a private school. She had all the advantages of a rich kid, yet she chose to squander her life by selling drugs."

"You thought there was more to her story though, Olivia, didn't you?"

"You know me well, Amanda." Olivia has no idea how well I know her how I have spent my whole adult life, and most of my teens years studying her career trying to be half the cop she is. Olivia has no idea that I listen to every conversation hoping to gather a new detail I didn't know already. I know her favorite, color, movie, TV show, her worst fears, her dreams. I know which ice cream flavor she likes best, her favorite spot for ice cream, who her favorite baseball team is, and which sport she hates the most. I know Olivia uses vanilla body lotion but hates vanilla ice cream.

My body shivers despite being June. The temperature is dropping fast the later it gets. "I did think there was more, so I started investigating further. Interviewing her friends, teachers, classmates. Came to learn Sally transferred schools six times over the last year, she had moved from city to city since she was six years old."

Olivia bites her lower lip as she laughs slightly "Amanda you'll love this part, my boss told me to drop it, or he would transfer me, I couldn't drop it, I defied his orders and kept digging. I matched her picture into enhanced facial recognizing came to discover our Spoiled little Sally was Marcella Marginals, a kidnapped girl from Mexico who vanished at age six when her family was on vacation over there. They let go of her hands for two minutes, and she was snatched. Marcella was smuggled into different cities by different men. Who caged her up like an animal beat her raped her, sold her from family to family."

"This last family was an elderly couple who never had kids of their own; the man who sold her to them kept weekly checks on her forced her to sell drugs for him. Raped her weekly to keep her in-line raped the wife weekly to keep the parents quite. When we went to collect Marcella, the bastard was there raping the wife, the husband an 82-year-old man who could barely move was tied to the chair. A battle broke out between the police and the pimp, Marcella was shot in the battle, by my gun. I was devastated. I felt as if it was my fault if I had left it alone, as my boss told me. Marcella would be alive no matter how hard her life was, at least she drew breath. Because of me, that sweet girl was dead."

"All my co-workers kept telling me it wasn't my fault; it was just part of the job. I had to accept it as God's plan. I couldn't though, I mean, how did God see that to be fair? How could any God justify a fourteen-year-old girl being raped, beaten suffering every day as okay?"

"So I headed to my favorite bar to get there I had to pass the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church, I wasn't raised in any dominant religion growing up, but I felt drawn to it. I felt like I needed to talk to God, to let him know how angry I was at him."

"At first, all I could do was sit there, staring at the candles, the altar, tears running down my face. I have no idea how long I sat there for; till I felt the gentle touch of Sister Mary Rose McGeady, she sat by me and listened to me. Then she said something to me that has stayed with me my whole life; she replied ours is not to ask God why; ours is simply to close our eyes and listen to our hearts, and believe God always has a reason why. It's hard at times, but I made a promise to God to listen; he has to lead me to my calling to help kids on the street, his kids."

"As you know at the time, Sister McGeady was the president of Covenant House from 1990-2003. She took me to the house and showed me the center; I spoke to counselors, volunteers, and the kids themselves. I fell in love with the mission, with the kids the staff. I knew I had to try to make a difference."

"I started doing the outreach van around 12 years ago, at first, it was just because it was always so short-staffed, not many people volunteer to do something so dangerous. Then it became another passion for me."

I reach over and take Olivia's hand "you know Marcella's death wasn't your fault, Liv. No more than Easter's was mine."

"I know Amanda, up here, I know that." She points to her head, "But in here." Olivia's hand moves to her heart. "that takes reminding I am sorry I couldn't comfort you after telling you about Easter, I should have held you talked to you instead of getting up and walking away. The memories of that day hit me so hard; I think I am moving on, and then I am hit with a wave of guilt so intense it takes my breath away."

"Liv, it's okay. I needed my Captain than you did what I needed. You gave me time to cry, scream you stayed in the room, so I knew you were there, but you gave me privacy. No one can take someone else to pain away. But having you in that room brought me comfort."

Olivia smiles at me as Bobby J speaks "You two should come Tuesday for our annual Sleep-out for Covenant House, we have a line-up of stars who are performing and over 1,000 people who have signed up to raise money for our kids by sleeping out."

"Yeah, sounds good, Amanda?" "I'm in for sure."

"So Miss southern sweet tea, what is your story? I know you got one." My body tenses at his suggestion I feel all eyes on me my heart races as my stomach twists. How am I suppose to get out of this one? "Don't be bashful to spill your game." Bobby J nudges me as I fight to keep my nausea from spilling out onto the van's floor. If Olivia knew the truth, she would never look at me the same ever again.

"Help me!" Loud, intense screams ricochet off the buildings in the side-street where we are parked; a young girl comes racing out of the cover of darkness shadow. So fast her legs stumble, but she doesn't allow herself to fall; she can't she's running for her life. Those skinny legs barely hold her body up, yet she hurls herself forward, never glancing back. I can hear her heavy breathing as she approaches "not here." she points to two streets over. Eyes glance at us. I see the pain and fear "My man he's watching he'll see me get in, I'm dead then, he'll know where to find me."

She's gone in a flash, hurling her skinny body down the side streets in a race for her life, dodging into different avenues. The van squeals to life as our driver Michelle steps on the gas, the girl's arms pump flying as she dodges cars, people she isn't quitting or playing. It's pitch black out here now except the glow of a few broken street lights.

Michelle flips off our headlights as we reach the street the girl wanted us to, we sit in silence the radio shut off now. Our heartbeats are the only sounds slowly. I get out my legs a little shaky from being crouched in a van for hours. Olivia follows me closely behind as seconds tick into minutes both of us praying her man as she called him didn't find her, which we know damn well means her pimp. Rustling has us both turning around I spot her first she comes running full speed towards us, fooling her pimp she had run around the block twice; New York blocks ain't no joke either, they are long.

This girl is in eight-inch heels her feet must hurt so bad I feel tears well up I can barely walk in those types of heels nerve mind run. The girl is only twenty- yards away from us. I can see the depth of fear in her cyan blue eyes. An ocean deep of pain she is so close to safety just within feet of being saved Olivia and I are both tense ready to grab her up. The squeals of tires alert us to a sense of danger; I don't think twice I take off "Rollins!" Olivia yells as I pump my legs harder than they have ever been pumped before. Hoping that this girl can see it in my eyes that she can trust me, she can reach better days if she reaches out, allows me to take her hands. Gets in this van with me, I can help her find the sunshine behind these rainy days. Sometimes one person can make a difference. I close my eyes every day I pray I can be that person.

My hands reach the girl at the very last second my lungs are screaming in pain, I can barely breathe my muscles are straining with every-step. "Grab my hands, don't let go no matter what I got you." My arms wrap around the girl's frail body as my feet make a sudden turn burning my heels. I pull her body racing to the van as doors fly open. "Rollins, get down!" Olivia screams as a hail of bullets rain down on us I push the girl into the van slam the door and bang on it. Michelle takes off my legs give out as I crash to the ground Olivia is returning fire. I can't breathe or think my legs are twitching in pain I can feel my blood filling my mouth as I start to cough.

I can't seem to focus on anything. Every breath is harder to inhale and exhale. "Amanda, it's Olivia we've got to move, they took off, but they'll be back we just cost them a major investment. Can you move at all?"

Olivia's arms lift me pain stabs me at every angle it's mild though so after a few breaths I can put pressure on my legs she doesn't let go of my arm though pulling me along with her as we race to meet the van a few blocks over. Sweat pours down my body as my stomach cramps I feel flushed. I'm losing blood I can feel how weak I am, but I have no idea where or how serious it is. "Amanda that was stupid as hell, we are off-duty you know the department does not cover any injury you get, any action you take as a citizen which means you face the same charges they face. No union rep to cover for you."

"Yeah, I know Liv, and it also means I don't have to play by the rules."

"Amanda, it doesn't mean you get to risk your life."

"It's mine to risk Olivia, and if you ain't willing to risk your life, why are you out here?"

"Uh! Why are all the bad-asses so damn stubborn!"

"That's what makes us hot."

"Yeah, I know that's why the bad-asses like you are always the one who looks the most fuckable."

My ears ring did Olivia Benson just say she wanted to what with me? I stop moving physically, yet my Vertigo didn't get the message. I can't speak all I can do is stare at Olivia, watch her long legs so muscular her statuesque frame so lean and beautiful, long dark hair loosely held back with a decorative clip. Her appearance takes my breath away. She smiles as she slowly moves us towards the van.

All I can do is picture her lying on top of me on her bed as she places her mouth over my clit. A direct hit, her gorgeous lips closing around it and lapping at it with her tongue. Her hands hold my hips as I try to buck against her face; she is a master at getting me off like this. I can feel an orgasm building in my walls, I can feel the heat rising as I writhe under her face, and just as she is about to push me over the edge, she inserts a single slender finger inside as she does I feel the first wave of fire rising and spreading through me. I come hard onto her hand as she rapidly pumps two fingers in and out while she sucks on my clit.

"Amanda, move!" My head peaks up from the daydream of Olivia, and I making love seconds too late as the car comes speeding towards us headlights as bright as the Georgia summer sun. Michelle rushes towards us, Andy and Bobby J throw open the doors. "Get in!" Olivia's hands push my body into the van's. I feel Andy and Bobby grab me pulling my limp body up as Olivia screams at Michelle. to"Go."

Wait, where is Olivia going? Why didn't she get in with me? Gunfire fills the air as I try to stand but am thrown back against the wall hard as Michelle takes off, tires squealing. "Calvin!" I hear Olivia's scream as my head slams into the floor, sending me crashing into a world of blackness. All I can do is pray; God keep Olivia safe.

A/N: For More information on how you can help Covenant House and Homeless Youth visit their website

Our Youth deserve a kinder, better world than the one we have today. Let us commit to building this world together. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13643440/1/Covenant-From-The-Heart

#svu #Rolivia #AmandaRollins #OliviaBenson #HomelessKids #Youth #LGBTQ #Fanfiction

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