#tw: depression. diabetes. weight loss. decrease of libido.

[taegularities]

Hi. So umm.. it's kind of embarassing for me to talk about this but I'm just gonna go ahead and say it because I desperately need advice/solution.

Me and my partner are doing long distance ever since covid started and a lot has happened before and after. A lot as in, academically, mentally, emotionally. I've failed my exams, I've been depressed for sometime, my home was toxic and I was stuck here in lockdown, my dad underwent 2 surgeries, my mom underwent 3 surgeries, me and my brother were diagnosed with diabetes and we're only 24 and 27 (it runs in the family, it was inevitable), I lost 22kgs and that lead to hair loss so I'm practically going bald which is stressing me tf out. I'm just not confident in my skin anymore, I don't feel pretty enough, I don't feel like I am enough for my partner because no one should have to be with someone broken. So basically, shit happened. Long story short, I don't have a sex drive anymore. My libido is 0. I'm not sure whats wrong. I don't know if it's medicines or stress or something else? But it's gone. Since it's long distance, we used to do what any couple would, you know? Phone sex, sexting etc. But since I don't have a drive anymore, I don't initiate stuff. This is frustrating for my partner and I get it. I understand. He feels he is forcing me into it because when he initiates it, I do it. Because he shouldn't suffer because of me. Sometimes and I'll admit it's most of the times that I come up with some excuse when I just cannot mentally do it. I really, REALLY want my sex drive back and I just don't know how? I want to initiate stuff and get back to it. I did tell him everything honestly. He is frustrated because I don't initiate stuff and I understand that. He is suffering because of me. He said he'll just go watch porn but I don't know.. I just think if he has me and I'm alive I should be able to atleast satisfy my partner's needs. I don't know what to do, please help?

hey, love. i am so sorry that you have to endure all these things, you deserve a more than that :(

don't be ashamed of this, it's nothing you can influence. it's not like you're doing it on purpose. so, i don't know a lot about diabetes and the medication that comes with it, so i can't say if it's this that decreases your sex drive, and in such a case, you should definitely talk to your doctor and ask for them to be clear with you and answer any questions you might have.

as for your boyfriend, i understand that you are both in a painful and tough situation, but i think it's pretty cool and amazing of you that you're still holding onto each other, you know? shows me that you both mean it and fight for each other. what you should do is talk to him, too, because since he's your partner, he might be able to help you through it, at least mentally. i bet he'd understand. the next time your brain urges you to come up with an excuse, take a deep breath and try to be transparent and honest with him – if you want to, that is! and please remember that none of this is your fault, really, and that he still loves you and thinks of you that way, or he wouldn't still initiate it.

hmmm i'm not sure what could bring your libido back. maybe you can try something new. or just give yourself a bit time to heal. with an illness like this and depression on top of it, it's understandable that your mind might be drifting to darker thoughts than being sexually aroused, you know? but definitely, definitely talk to your doctor about it, yes? i wish you all the best and i'm sending all my love, hun <3