#tysm for this ask crumb. I loved getting a chance 2 ramble about this dumb sad man

[ventiswampwater]

Re: Send Me a Character post:

oh THERE he is. the soggy one. god. he's so pathetic. SO sopping wet. sigh. men u wanna hang out to dry on a laundry line in the warm afternoon light......................................

first impression: what u doin w/that box boy???? whomst u got in there?? also how tf are u readin the bible in this dark ass room??? ur straining ur eyes. love how he's perfectly nailed that slightly embarrassed and 100% awkward smile that (especially youth) pastors have. it's uncanny.

impression now: damn, the horror really was for love wasn't it??? the horror was for fucking LOVE. I'm gonna throw up. shut the fuck up. the horror was for love. sick. SICK. sick.

also. he's 100% the humanized version of that one pic of the cat under the showerhead.

favorite moment: I really love his ash wednesday sermon in episode two tbh!! his devotion comes across as absolute—in a slightly nervous self-effacing way. and that's the source of his charisma and speaks to how he's able to grab such a hold on the island. it's all in the way that the people of crockett perceive his vulnerability!!! you buy what he's selling bc he comes across as completely authentic. he's compelling and passionate and it's so...............AAAAAAA

at points throughout, his voice wavers and it seems like he's being taken over by emotion. the words he's saying have WEIGHT to him and it's just v oof. v OOF. like???? "even out of blackness, love rises again. even out of sin. and this island, it will rise again. even out of disaster, rebirth, restoration, eternal life."

JUST?????? ugh. OOF. it's as much a sermon for those attending the mass as it is for himself. SICK. ill over it tbh. it's SUCH a gorgeous little bit of characterization oml.

also, ANY scene where he's in jeans. father..........if I speak......... ahem!! when he's sad and bloated w/blood. sitting pathetically on the floor like a miserable lil tick. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh BOY

idea for a story: truly no thoughts head empty. just priest in jeans. probably includes him on his knees for the majority of the fic. sprinkle in an absolute fuckton of catholic guilt. HE'S the conquest. everyone in the equation is being weird about it. maybe somebody grabs him by his hair. while he's on his knees. who knows. certainly not I, ofc. 😌🙏

unpopular opinion: honestly, I haven't ventured into the depths of the MM fandom to know what the hot takes are. SO, odds are this is not unpopular at ALL. but. if anyone out there. is writing porn w/this man being super domineering. I rebuke that in the name of slutty pathetic vampires EVERYWHERE.

favorite relationship: OH, his relationship and interactions w/riley 100%. definitely the most compelling parts of the show imo!! enthralled w/the way their choices parallel each other and diverge??? v scrumptious good fuckin food right there 🤌✨

favorite headcanon: bc of a late night convo w/the actual loml poki (@raccoonspooky), I'm obsessed w/the idea of him going on a shopping spree post-vampire glow-up. bc his grandpa clothes will not do for this scheme he's cooking up. peepaw awkwardly meandering into hollister. aeropostale. to get himself some new fits for his upcoming hotpriest antics 💀 kills me