#ugh gonna ramble in the tags otherwise ill never be able to sleep
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oh it’s been a bad bad day today but there’s the tiny moon
#ugh gonna ramble in the tags otherwise ill never be able to sleep#my grandmas cat died today and i dont think i handled it very well when we were there#its sinking in now and im feeling worried that i wasnt sympathetic enough at all#i just could not process anything in the moment and i had to carry him back and help her look at his body and it was not ok#i had to walk away and i was panicked and she was looking for answers and all i could see it as was her torturing herself when really it#was maybe the opposite maybe searching for answers was her attempt to bringing herself comfort#she was already annoyed at me for not coming over the night before and had been complaining about me to other family members#so i think i came in already annoyed at her and then we didnt even get into the house before her and another lady were crying at the door#so then i didnt know how to handle that and didnt feel ok with her moving his body so much to kinda inspect him#i had to leave after getting a glimpse at how she’d moved him#i couldnt handle him looking like that#and her and my mum hadnt seen each other in months#im the only one in the family who sees her now because shes ostracised everyone else#so that was extra hard#and now i feel bad for how short i was with her but i was just panicking#but gosh imagine how she feels#i should have just gone along with everything for her sake because shes the one who has an empty home now#and now i have to go back tomorrow and bury him probably by myself and i am so worried#i just dont think i acted okay but i was just so wired and out of it and angry in the moment i dont even know#sorry for the thousands of tags i didnt want to write a post but i had to get it out somehow agh#what do i even tag this as i feel like it should have trigger warnings#tw: death#tw: animal injury#tw: animal death
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