#ugh i couldve done better on the lighting here

[master-missysversion]

"Doctor, its okay!" "It's not okay!"

[neowinestainedress]

I’m in literal tears I hate that she went back and left Jeno but I understand Jeno deserved sm better he deserves someone to love him and not keep him waiting at least haechan learned his lesson and he can be everything that she needed BUT ITS SO UPSETTING BECAUSE WHY DO EVERYTHING YHAT COULDVE BEEN DONE IN THE BEGINNING ALL LATE relationships are so scary

Come here let me hug you 💗

Yeah I see it under that light because she was too much under Haechan and probably would've compared them if she started dating Jeno so... He deserves all the love 😌

NO I AGREE 100% I'd say that's because communication is for loser in people's mind but it wasn't even the biggest problem. As soon as something doesn't work anymore like it used to be people run away, not everyone of course, but that's what often happens when people cheat. Just to find out that the new fling is even more temporary than their relationship. It sucks, and I agree, relationships are scary and finding good people is so hard ugh I hate it

[keepthesethoughtsinsideyou]

A Letter To My Dad For His 69th Birthday

Hey Dad,

Jeez, I miss saying that to you. I miss lazily interacting with you. Like one does after years and years of seeing one another. There’s alot that I miss. I dont know that I want this letter to just be a list of things I miss about you and our interactions. That might just be the whole damn thing. But I think about you calling me after work, after your daily AA meeting. Telling me you were stopping at Wegmans and seeing if I needed anything. My chest is becoming tight just thinking about those interactions and how I took them for granted. It’s crazy. So hey! 69th birthday. You were such a dirty minded person. haha. I laughed thinking about if you were here today how you’d say some off color, pervy shit about being 69. I know you were always viewed as a jokester within your AA friend group. I know the meeting today wouldve been a riot. Well, if they had a meeting. See, you know me. Heaven. Hell. Afterlife. I dont really believe in any of that stuff. So I wont be saying anything like “i know youre looking down...” or anything else like that. So i will tell you this. Unfortunately, we are STILL in a world wide global pandemic. Like seriously, could you have imagined when you got sick in March of 2020 (which was when it was first declared a actual pandemic) that COVID and this pandemic would STILL be happening? Idk if anyone couldve. What really sucks is alot of the political people you may have aligned yourself with when you were here have purposely done things to make sure we are still stuck here. I obviously wish you didnt die for numerous reasons. If I were to list them, it would be way too long. But one thing I have often said to Mom is, I wish you survived so I couldve seen you change for the better. That makes me sound like such a dick right? Hang in there and I will explain. You know that we disagreed on almost everything political, but in the months nearing the global pandemic hitting, i really saw you starting to change. You went from ardent defender of Trump with numerous excuses and conspiracy type rebuttals to “well...the media just doesn't like him.” Something that in hindsight seems so minor but i noticed. And I know in my heart, had you survived COVID, you would've flipped the fuck out at everything that came after. I know you wouldve distanced yourself from the “friends” you have who surely became antimask, antivax and antidemocracy. Wouldve been so strange to be politically aligned again. Jesus, last time that happened wouldve been when you were a liberal in the what? 90′s? Hell, it was before you sobered up and became a born again. I HATED when you used to call me a liberal like Ally. UGH. I am and will forever be a leftist Dad! haha. Some people listened to Rage Against The Machine back in the mid 90′s and were just there for the riffs. But you knew I was buying the books they recommended. Haha. So maybe its too much to say we wouldve been aligned, but alot different then a leftist vs a Qanon asshole. Btw, idk if you were familiar with Qanon when you were alive but jesus christ am I happy you never became one of those idiots. But unfortunately, one thing that has come to light since your death is that militias (including the one you were part of) have really showed their true colors as being far right aligned if not just straight up white nationalist or neo nazi affiliated. I know you. I knew you. I know that YOU believed in the constitutionalist ideology for what militias are supposed to represent. But you were a odd man out. I’m sorry. Btw, those militia people? They didnt do shit for us after your passing. And none of them came to your memorial service. I know mom and I were fairly jealous of your AA friends because it always seemed you’d run to any of them, any time of the day to help with this or that, but we werent extended that same generosity. That said, THOSE are the people that actually attended your service. Them and old coworkers. Cal was there. I cried when I saw him. Brian wasnt. He’s tried friending me on Facebook but I wont approve him. And think he’s a crazy Trumper conspiracy guy. And that aside, he wasnt there. Even fucking Scott was there. I know stuff got somewhat weird between you two after he was promoted to the head of the union and then basically sided with the company all the time. But he was there man. He even installed that furnace you bought but never installed. I will say this, you wouldnt have approved of his job. haha. I know you, and looking at the pipes? Its not at your level. I wish I had good news for you in the years since your death. Ally and I have clashed since the week of your death. You hadnt even been dead 7 days and she was already trying to force Mom to sell the house. We went around to all your family on Facebook and basically told them I was forcing her to stay there. All the while borrowing thousands of dollars from Mom. Shit you not, by December 2020 she had already borrowed over 10k. It sucks because in one of your final texts to all of us, you said something along the lines of if the worst case scenario happens, we would have to come and work together. I wish it couldve been that way. But unfortunately, Ally and my relationship is forever tarnished due to her actions after your passing. Like truly, if Copeland and Harry (he doesnt like “Harri” anymore btw) werent in the picture, I wouldnt speak to her. Yasmin hates her now. Yeah, stuff is fucked. But anyway, life sucks right now. I finally saw Yasmin again. You’d remember that I had bought tickets to see her for my birthday in 2020 shortly after she flew home in January that year. Well, that got fucked. Global pandemic and then you died in May. So instead of flying to see her, i held you as you died. But June 2021 I was finally able to get over there. Due to their quarantine laws, I spent almost all that trip in the house cause i couldnt go anywhere. Still, it was good to see Yasmin & her family. I still cry regularly that they never got to meet you. I was always worried about that when you were around. Just because christ do they drink! And with your AA and sobriety, i just worried. It was probably unfair. I know your militia group werent all sober and i knew they drank etc when they used to have those BBQs in the summer. Mom? No issue! haha. She’d be fucking hitting them back. She wont go there Dad. She wont go to Scotland. Idk why. I’ve shown her so many videos and things about different cities and landmarks etc. She always seems interested. She thinks the country looks beautiful. But something is blocking her. Now as a time isnt necessarily fair. 2 years into a pandemic doesnt make travel outside the house all that appealing, let alone out of the country. But I have told her, you died. You died randomly. You should be here at 69 making pervy jokes about your age. But things can just...happen. Super viruses can just fucking happen. And loved ones you've known your whole life can just disappear. Maybe its unfair but I have mentioned this in trying to convince to to accompany me there. Yasmin’s family want to meet her. Take her all over. But she wont go. Uses Lobo as a excuse. She’s also used Ally. Both the Subaru and the Cobalt died shortly after you passed. Joe wasnt having repairing either. He told us he had been telling you for years neither was worth it. That hurt man. But anyway, she spent a chunk of the inheritance getting a car. And she’s said to me that she is worried about what Ally would make her think and feel if she was to travel with me. Like, we couldnt trust her to watch Lobo and she probably wouldnt out of spite frankly. OH! Ally has a dog now! Dude, she is borrowing hundreds of dollars from Mom every week for god knows what, but sure as shit got a dog. Another pet. His name is Milton. You’d probably like him but sometimes his energy level is a bit much for myself. She keeps trying to make him and Lobo friends but every time theyre together, all they do is play fight. Its exhausting to watch honestly hahaha. Lobo doesnt act like he misses you. I have cried and screamed at him about it. You loved that fucking dog. He shit in your bed and i think you said something along the lines of “oh who am i kidding? i cant be mad at you!” I really wanted him to act like he missed you. Go to the stairs around the time you’d get home. Wait for you. We both know Sprocket wasnt your fave, but he had that level of empathy. I’m not saying Lobo is stupid...but hahahaha. Maybe he just doesnt have that in him? Now to all the stuff you would look down on me for. I randomly quit Empower at the end of September. I swear Dad, it had been MONTHS of borderline psychological warfare. Outside of the time I was out having COVID, and the week I was out after your death, I kept working. I kept getting CEO shout outs. But the micromanaging increased. I will be honest, the pressure of having to work to pay bills you always paid, and being at this job i cant stand, in the middle of a global pandemic? I was literally going crazy. I would finish my shifts and just cry. A half hour every night devoted to crying. I wanted to die. And I felt like I was either going to kill myself, or commit myself. Without just rambling on and on, I dont know if I can express it so you could understand. Alot of it was departmental BS. Stuff I had told you about even prior to the pandemic. Just where not every department was treated evenly. While I was kind of losing it, I came to the decision that, the company is good. They actually donated to your specific AA group in your name post your death fyi. But yeah, company good, department bad. So I started applying around. In my review, Sue basically told me she knew about those applications and without a direct supervisors recommendation, departments would not hire on applicants from within. And guess what? She wasnt going to give one. Why? Some bs. Do you know that in my 3 years there my call quality was only under 90% once? and even then it was like 89.5. OH NO! Even in the darkest year of my life man. But when I wanted to move the fuck away from call center? Suddenly my performance wasnt good. Something has emerged since you died. Its called “long COVID” and unfortunately, your boy has it. There are alot of symptoms but the one thats really fucked my life is this brain fog. You were worried about Mom and her memory? She has nothing on me. I forget what i am talking about mid sentence. I forget what I am doing now all the time. I wanted to tell you about this so you could understand how hard doing my job became, and yet STILL was at like 97% for my call quality. So honestly? I thought my supervisor was bluffing. How could you just deny my transition when I have years of proof of being a good employee? Additionally, my annual raise was threatened. Which more or less just confirmed I had to get away from that department. But wouldnt you know it, on the same day, all the department heads I had interviewed with called to reject me. One going as far to say they hired from outside the company. Not gonna lie? Kind of snapped. I know its just typical corporate BS. But that was all it took. I finished the job i was assigned and immediately resigned. You know me, I’ve never done such a thing. Its unlike me. The whole thing was very crushing. Yasmin stepped up and actually paid to fly me out there. For a wicked long time too. Early October to late November. Dude! I got to go to a Samhain celebration in Edinburgh. I know i know, you got all fucking weird in your born again-ness. But I thought it was so cool to be apart of a celebration that so old! And that there is a Scottish society to preserve these “pagan” holidays that they created. Yasmin broke up with me on that trip. Said nothing was happening between us and things werent going anywhere. Tried to explain some obvious things like the pandemic and travel bands etc. But honestly, shes right to a extent. I hate myself Dad. I hate that I put things off, and as a result, youll never see me married. You’ll never meet my family. I cry about this alot. I regret not doing things sooner, so you couldve been apart of it honestly. She ended up getting back together with me but things are still strained and I think she is over the long distance relationship and there is nothing I can do to change things. Idk whats going to happen. And right now I feel like everything is falling apart. I am still not over your death. We were going to take the hospital to court actually for wrongful death due to them not using ECMO and ultimately killing you by destroying your lungs. We didnt because Mom. Was too much for her. But you know, I quit my job knowing I deserved better and knowing this place was driving me to self harm. But where am I now? Going to Scotland for almost 2 months without income has left me in some serious debt. I dont have a job to pay the debt. I have been applying all over and havent heard back from anyone. Which makes me feel like I am worthless. And me leaving my job because I was worth more than the treatment I was receiving. Now I am feeling like, nah. You deserved that because you are not worth anything. I have been so depressed and uncaring of being alive and existing, I’ve let myself go. Dad, I weigh 225 now. This is the heaviest I’ve been since before gastric bypass all those years ago. Whats the point? I am not trying to be attractive to anyone. Hell, Yasmin and I barely communicate anymore let alone sext or have sexy video calls. Just, whats the point? She has gained quite alot of weight since you last saw her. But for me? I dont care. I am still attracted to her. I still love her. But still, the relationship often feels like its crumbling. I dont play music anymore. I cant find the drive to take care of myself. I just cant...care.  Oh and hey, World War 3 is probably going to happen. Russia just recently invaded Ukraine. And I know things are going to go to shit. And I am left feeling like, I have wasted my life and I have lost a chance to start anything worth while. I am worried I will never see Yasmin again. I have said this alot and I have been told I am wrong to think this, but I wish you lived, and I died. We both had COVID at the same time. I lived, you died. And what has happened? The family structure has crumbled. Ally is bleeding Mom dry financially. Mom has even admitted that she thinks this is why Ally keeps pushing the idea of her selling the house. More money for her to grift off Mom. I just think that where your death fractured everything, perhaps my death couldve had the opposite effect. Maybe you and Mom couldve actually got your shit together. I dont know. Maybe its just survivors guilt, but I think I will always wish I died and you lived. Sorry for the lengthy letter. Its just been so long since we spoke. I miss shooting the shit. I miss guys night. It had been so long since we’d had one of those. I couldnt tell you the last one we had. Things are so odd now. Ally had COVID twice. Both Harry & Copeland got it from her second time. Mom & I didnt get it even though she exposed us Christmas morning. Mom still hasnt had it. She believes her weed smoking and blood type has her immune haha. You know, there’s still so much unknown about COVID years later. There's been numerous variants since you had it. Hell, there are numerous vaccines now to limit severity if you catch it. I keep forgetting that the antivax and antimask movements started after you passed. You were wearing a mask back in the beginning and I know had you survived, you wouldve gotten vaccinated. We were similar in our thoughts on those prior to all this. So much has happened since you died. So much has changed. Jesus man, Trump tried to pull a coup d'etat when it became inevitable he wasnt going to win reelection. Things have happened in this country you wouldve been appalled by. Every day things get worse and worse it seems. I wish you were here to complain about it to. Before you stopped breathing, as I held you, I whispered in your ear “come see me in my dreams.” See, like you knew and I said earlier, afterlife stuff? Not my thing. But weirdly, energy cannot be created nor destroyed. And idk. I guess as nihilistic as I am or can be, I have hope. And I hoped on some astral level, your conscious could come see me and say some like, life changing shit. Something that would help with closure. It never happened. Sure you have been in my dreams. But its more or less a replay version of you vs. a conscious you. What would I want you to say? Idfk man. Idk what brings closure. Maybe you telling me you were proud of me. That I wasnt a utter disappointment to you. There’s been so many things that have happened since you dying which have just made me feel like such a utter failure in comparison. Things I know you wouldve solved and fixed without issue. Without headache. There’s only been a few things in the past few years since your passing where i felt “Dad wouldve been proud of this.” Like me building a computer from scratch for example. But thats just the thing, I’ll never know. I can only speculate. Because you are gone. Your consciousness is absent from this world and I will never be able to converse with you again. But I hope. I have hope. Everything is falling apart in the world. But I guess I still have hope I will hear from you again someday. I miss you. I wish you were still here. Every day I wish it. I love you. I wish I said it more. I wish I showed it more.  Happy Birthday Dad.

[sweatytyrantwhispers]

Part 4 of things my friends do that make me love them even more:

- both rachel and cristine are artistically talented and i cant fucking wait to see them become famous doing the things they love (i know theyll becoem famous i believe in them tht much) (rachel has a great singing voice; cristine has a great singing voice, knows how to play various intstruments, loves acting, and can paint/draw amazingly)

-seth tells me some catchphraes his fav youtubers say whenever we talk

-none of my friends (nor I) knows how to react or what to say most of the time, especially when it comes to gift giving and compliments; we’re all oblivious and awkward people that don’t understand society

-andy messes up on what to say to customer service people when its evening/night time cus we usually go out around tht time but he’s used to sauing have a good day

-andy also hates intersections so he’ll pretend hes walking in the other direction (away frm the intersection), stand on the sidewalk and pretend hes doing something, or take a whole other route if theres a car nearing the intersection bc he says it feels awkward

-rachel’s favorite animals are dogs and raccoons so when i send her a post abt raccoons she gets rly excited and says she wants to hv a raccoon as a pet when she grows up. She also gets excited when i point out a dog to her in public (she cant see it cus no glasses but still excited by its genert presence)

-dina is scared of lightning so I always try to ask her if shes alright when theres a thunderstorm

-when we go to the park, rachel almost always tries to make tiktoks. We always end up interrupting and annoying her while she makes them though, sorta like our little routine.

-last time we went to the park, rachel ended up accidentally hitting meng and I directly on the face with the volleyball (its ok though cause im pretty sure we’ve ended up accidentally hitting each other with the ball at least once)

-when i got hit with the ball dina asked me if i was ok but as she moved towards me she went for the ball (we were playing monkey in the middle and she was one of the monkeys); its just funny and i love that our friendship is at a point where we could laugh about it and everything is fine

-i told my friends that i was depressed before going to the park to hang out w them. when i got there i kinda just sat on the ground looking through reddit with music on high. they all tried their best to talk to me and tell me funny stories (they said they overheard a group of kids talking about how they pantsed another dude) to cheer me up. Dina and Rachel both decided to give me a hug at the same time and i toppled over. Dina gave me a hug again. I love them so much

- Andy called me while i was in class to tel me to look at the sunset. Its something that both of us have done a few times because we both love sunsets and usually see them when we’re out. Its a small thing but it makes me love my friends even more.

-I was on voice call with Rachel on discord and she laughed then sent the group chat a link to a tiktok

-(not my friend but my mom) She knows that i hate it when things are thrown out when they’re still good or can still be repurposed. Someone brought flowers home for some reason (i forgot why) but she was putting the flowers in a vase one day. Some of the flowers broke off the bigger portion of the stem and couldn’t be put into the big vase but she put a bunch of them into a small container for me and gave it to me. I loved it even though we did hv to throw it out like a few weeks later.

-My friends and I were at Central Park and we were waiting for my two friends to finish up taking pictures. Meng and I were taking a short nap (him sitting down w his elbows on his legs and me w my head on his shoulder) while we waited. We also shared my earbuds to listen to my music. I was p sleepy so I was on the verge of sleeping my also sorta aware of what was going on (mainly cus we were guarding our stuff while everyone else was taking pictures elsewhere). I was doing that thing you do when you’re nodding your head while trying to stay awake/go to sleep. I kept on doing that until he eventually sat up a bit more and pushed my head onto his shoulder better

-Samir looked at a shirt with george washington on it and confidently said that was benjamin franklin

-Dina was talking about how she kept on eating shrimo and peanuts even though she has a mild allergy to it. Rachel and I were telling her to stop and tht we’re not bringing it to the picnic on sunday cus we dont want her dying. She responded, very confidently, tht she “hasnt died before”

-Samir calls dina “d-money”

-Rachel gave me a hug as an im sorry for taking so long. (I genuinely didnt care cus even tho they do take a long time i still v much love them)

-Rachel takes tiktoks and videos of us while we’re out

-Rachel and Dina both got v the excited when i wore a skirt out today because I usually dress more masculine

-A few weeks ago (i think) my friends and I were at the park. I was trying to do something to meng and tripped and fell on the park ground (the part where there’s basically a bunch of tiny rocks on/in the floor). Meng was also trying to do that thing where two people hold a person’s arms and legs and swing them back and forth with me but forgot that if you take someones legs off the floor with no one else holding my arms, i would fall head first onto the park ground, which i did. Both times I laughed at myself but everyone rushed to me while laughing. Idk why but it made me feel like I was ok and safe, even if i was in so much pain, srsly i couldve had a concussion.

- Rachel and I both got excited bc we both wanted to got to the same college

-I call andy when im walking home by myself at night (or when the route im taking doesn’t necessarily hv a lot of people of lights) and he just vibes with me (sometimes talks to me abt how i should b home) until i get home safely

-idk if i already put this but Andy and I have a safe word when we think there might be someone behind us following us at night bc one time when walking home we thought tht and used our now safe word to see if there was someone

-Rachel and Dina do this thing where they take their hand and go from the side of someone else’s body (where the arms are) to the bottom of their legs rly fast while theyre walking. They call it “full body stroke”. They shared it w me and now we do it to meng almost every time we go out. Sometimes we do it together (one person per side).

-While at Central Park there was a dude that was singing (he was rly good). He started singing “Lean on me” by Bill Withers and my friends started singing along with him.

-Rachel sent me a tiktok knowing full well that itd make me gay panic bc yk ✨w o m e n✨

-Dina, Alan, and I stayed out after everyone else went home cus yk they were tired. Dina and I decided to talk like white girls/pick me girls the rest of the night with their stereotypical voices. We laughed the entire time and created weird storylines including: Jessica (Dina), Olivia (me), Jayden (Jessica’s boyfriend and brother that created on Jessica with me and Nicole), Nicole (Jessica’s friend), Olivia’s dad (a convicted felon in all 50 states and is dead), Jessica’s dad (a lawyer that’s also running for president, and Alan (he was just roped into our bs and was there to act like the dude that we both wanted to have as our bf).

- When we were in the bathroom and washing our hands, Dina waited until after the other woman in the bathroom to leave before coming up to me and, in a discreet whisper, told me that the soap was what “good pussy sounds like”

- Rachel, Dina, and I saw a few cats on our way to meet up with Alan and we played w the cats for a bit before one of them said “pspspspsp come here alan” to one of the cats. We now do this frequently to each other even though we hate it.

- We have corrupted each other to the point where we cannot hang out without someone saying “that’s what she said”, something about Dina being white, “just like this dick”, and “deez nuts”. We laugh about it a lot

- Rachel and I are both reasonably out of energy both mentally and physically after our jobs so when I walked w her to a mall w the rest of her friends, we both walked silently with a bit of catching up cause we both understood how the other felt

-We had a water balloon fight today at work (Alan, Rachel, and I work together). Obviously, I took the chance to pop as many balloons over rachel’s head and dump water on her. She tried to spray me w water using a water gun though. Afterwards gave the towel i brought to rachel cause she needed it to change. It’s important to note that rachel has purple hair right now and that the towel was white. key word: was. The towel was now stained a light purple (I dont mind but damn)

- i made rachel a purple raccoon by crocheting it (purple and pink actually). I finished it yesterday (sunday) and gave it today to her at work (monday). I opened the door a bit and peeked my head in with the raccoon just below me in my hands. She was confused at first but then saw the raccoon and her eyes lit up. It was rly cute🥰🥺 to see her get excited. We both nicknamed the raccoon “pimp jr.” and i made a lil name tag/from to tag that said it.

- rachel likes to lip-sync to music shes either listening to or hears in store and sometimes does a little dance with it. Its so cute and I love looking at her do it because it reminds me of why I adore her. She also goes hard when it comes to singing at karaoke. Like damn her vocal range is astounding

- dina got so excited when i asked her if she wanted to binge watch all the twilight movies with me. She looked so cute cus its one of her favorite movies. ugh i love my friends.

-a lot of dudes have crushes on rachel and dina and the both of them usually just try their best to avoid the person or avoid confronting them. Idk why but it kinda makes me feel grateful that I’m close friends with them because I used to have a crush on both of them before when we first met. When I told them i used to have crushes on them they didn’t act weird about it or anything and we continued to be friends. I’m so fucking grateful I’m their friend despite my initial crush on them cause they’re two of them most amazing people I’ve met my entire life.

-rachel, meng, alan, and I went to go watch Shang Chi in movies. In the last few scenes (which were v tense btw) rachel nd I both got rly anxious and squeezed each others hands bc we were scared out favorite characters were gonna get hurt. She squeezed the fuck out of my hand to the point where I couldn’t feel it anymore and neither could she. I’m ok with that though cus I’m glad she finds comfort in squeezing the living fuck out of my hands.

-dina, rachel, and I have matching bracelets from hot topic and i see them wear it almost every time we hang out. Alan and I have a matching pair too but I dont think he’s going to wear it very much (issok tho).

-We went to karaoke yesterday and I dont know how I just realized this but while she’s singing, dina likes to move around a lot. It’s not exactly dancing but not particularly just moving around. Its kinda like that tiny thing ppl do when they’re alone and playing their favorite songs on blast. She’s so cute when she does it, esp because she seems so happy when she does it. Even though I absolutely despise Justin Bieber, I would play his songs over and over again on blast if it made her as happy as she has made me.

-dina and I like to go to the swings and blast “Happier Than Ever” with earbuds in (we share a pair for this) and she screams along to it for the second half

-it’s become a “tradition” for us to go to the swings (most of time) after we’ve done the initial things we already planned out because dina and I love the swings.

[moonydiego]

review shinees lucifer album 🐸 (im judging anything below a 9/10 jsyk)

send me an album and i’ll review it

alright SO 2010 kpop, lucifer was arguably shinees break out album (really theyve been the shit since replay with that rookie grand slam, PLUS with ring ding dong as a strong single of the ep Y.O.U.) i personally think this is due to how shinee was branded as actaully fucken amazing at dancing, and the lucifer choreography is honestly something unmatched, especially for the time that it came out.

but honestly for me as how i view things in shinee’s discography timeline, as well as with sales or what not i really think lucifer was that staple that not only was hype af when it came out but its main single “lucifer” still brings people onto shinee to this day so? really iconic album

however, as a long time shinee fan, i really love lucifer mostly nostalgically, like most people the first video i saw from shinee was lucifer, the first album i downloaded was lucifer, i tried learning the vogueing part from lucifer (and i still remember it lmao) so for me lucifer is really? great, mostly because it’s album i listened to when i was super young and kinda brought me onto shinee which in turn brought me to a wider spectrum of music

however, while it may be shinee’s amazing throwback album, looking back on it as a whole it really did not showcase the amazing powerhouse shinee is.

im not talking singing wise, lucifer does showcase amazing vocals but, shinee as a whole has a huge history of being contemporary, of always bringing people that new shit-that good shit-that cutting edge shit. and i think it’s taken them some time to grow into that contemporary mindset, before this mostly imo theyve been contemporary in the terms of style and what not but musically they’ve more or less sat comfortably of what was kinda going on. rather than being on the edge of the trend imo they brought out something that refined the trend to further establish it as the norm-before moving on as the trend changes

(imo shinee breaks out with sherlock as THAT group musically and artistically, that constantly pushes kpop music but thats for another review)

however lucifer is a staple in shinee’s discography and it’s a really nice album for that 2010 nostalgia era, it has cute upbeat songs, the freaking catchy lucifer as well as some gr8 ballads (and electric heart, imo one of the BEST songs shinee’s ever done)

anyway here’s the track by track review lmao:

(disclaimer, vocally shinee’s performances never disappoint (maybe rap wise but never singing wise) this is mostly me critiquing like the actual music and what it brings to the table as a cohesive album so not really shinee but mostly the production team backing them up and sm’s musical choices lmaoooo)

the first track is up and down, it’s classic 2010 kpop era type of song, it’s cute it’s catchy it’s upbeat. the main vocalists voices are strong af and the backing voices are really noice as well, the chorus is extremely catchy and it’s just? a straight forward catchy song. honestly nothing really new, especially with the placements of the raps but? it’s just a sweet listen, maybe a bit too sweet as the years pass, i think ready or not is a better catchy pop-y song imo but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the next track is lucifer and honestly im gonna give my actual opinion, i dont listen to lucifer anymore sure i love lucifer but honestly i think this is just the perfect throwback song that you’re super hype for but in my opinion i dont listen to on the daily, like its good and it’s just catchy but, it follows that generic verse chorus verse chorus rap chorus. really what brought shinee into the lime light imo was their dancing and lucifer showcased that AMAZINGLY, but songwise it’s pretty? catchy but ?? you feel me??????

next is electric heart and electric heart TO THIS DAY is one of my favorite all time shinee songs. dude shinee has not done this type of song before, and it’s the only time they do this type of song on this album. the vocals are breathy and self assured, the harmonies are fucken angelic, the instrumentals fit their voices perfectly gives a very moody almost? seductive type of vibe that’s really punctuated by their falsettos. fucken A+++ track and honestly it really stands out from the album IMO just because of the way they sing and just how they all work together to make the song work. it’s groovy and sensual and jams when it needs to and just? a great listen all of them work so well in this ugh i love it

then it’s a-yo which i used to love when i was younger, not to repeat myself but the way i feel about this track is how i honestly feel about up and down with the exception that this song isn’t as upbeat, it’s more of a subdued upbeat song, something that in my opinion would fit perfectly in their replay album? i feel like it has that 2008 vibe. anyway yeah. catchy, cute, nothing new but nothing wrong w that

ok then we hit obsession and it’s one of the few shinee songs i actually dont like. i will give them the fact that it’s pretty experimental i guess?? for them??? for this album? the only problem is how out of place it feels, like we have upbeat and catchy then kinda sensual rly nice electric heart and then this? it has a darker tone and it’s? okay i guess i just think they really didn’t go all way that they couldve on this, i feel like theyve really refined the “darker” songs or more desperate sounding songs on the misconception albums. like it’s dark then soft and then you’re hit with jonghyun almost pleading chorus, honestly im not that big of a fan of it, especially with how the beginning and the chorus sound so disjointed on the same song but not in a Cool Experimental way imo, i kno i lot of people like it and if you do please tell me why!! would love to discuss w you all c:

after you’re hit with quasimodo which is a str8 up ballad and it would sound weird to have on an album that has songs like up and down and ready or not but? being placed after obsession was a great choice imo so it doesn’t sound so jarring. this is a complete ballads with fucken amazing vocals but especially the way they all just work together especially on the verses leading up to vocals. imo im not a huge fan of ballads but this is a really beautiful song that’s just, a great soft listen if you like those types of ballads. imo not anything new or groundbreaking but honestly it’s a Typical Ballad song in which jinki kills it so??? not really complaining

ok then it’s shout out which i was….obsessed with and honestly i….never listen to it now. it’s a great, “we’ve gone thru so much shit and here we are bitch we’re back and we dont give up” song i guess. however, in my opinion as a rap song? it’s not really? anything new or anything really?? astounding, imo listening back it’s kinda? i dont wanna say childish but i think like as utilizing “rapping” as a form of conveying music shinee (esp minho and kibum) have really improved on that a lot in their after years, and this is like a last remaining album of kibum and minho rapping the way every kpop group did in 2010 you know? nothing really shinee-like it’s just? idk it really isnt that great listening back and how far theyve come since it (odd eye guys, the rap in odd eye is a perf example because the rap goes along so well with the song itself and it feels like it sits in shinee’s discography as a perfect shinee song rather than A Rap Song They Did) and idk yeah, not a big fan now and i honestly think it’s great to show just how much shinee has grown as a kpop group to actual artists.

next up is wowowow and it’s? another catchy upbeat song but it’s not really with a lot of substance imo, like i feel they really went hard on the autotone like autotune can be used as a really cool device in song producing but i feel like? it’s a bit off putting with jonghyun’s high vocals you know?  it’s catchy but???? it’s just cute that’s it, what are they offering here that the other upbeat songs on this album dont offer? not to bash on it but?? there’s not much to say that i havent already ;A; (it’s still really cute)

your name is next and it’s? a cute slower song. it’s slow but not ballady. it’s like if wowowow was w/o autotune and like a bit more chiller. it’s just a sweet song nothing really???amazing i guess?? the “lalalala” the members do is really nice and i like it towards the end, once minho raps and the song changes a bit, i feel like it’s less generic and a cooler listen, like most songs in this era there’s a slight change towards the end of the song with the first two halves sounding extremely similar. nothing much to say w this one just. it’s cute.

then it’s life, which if i have one thing to say about this album’s lack of a cohesive feel is the fact that they put the slower songs with perfect transitioning songs before them, so listening to the album straight isn’t a jarring experience so honestly??? good on them that was a fab choice. now in my opinion, quasimodo was a better ballad-mostly because all the members really work together backing each other up and it sounds greater orchestrally than this song. life takes nearly two minutes to pick up, now i lov a slow start to get the tension started but really it doesn’t pick of until 1:50 and there isn’t really? anything amazing going on instrumentally to garner attention imo, shinee’s vocals are beautiful but?? u kno???? like most songs the cool shit is towards the end but i feel like it’s just subdued with some great notes belted out. classic ballady song if you like it, but again i think quasimodo really brought it home without sounding like it’s taking a while to get to the good parts you know????

after it’s ready or not. which i know i mentioned having transitining songs from slower to upbeat, which is NOT the case with this. but i FUCKEN lov ready or not. it’s literally like a better version of up and down imo, up and down sounds incredibly repetitive because of the whole rollercoaster ride thing, but this is like a repetitive song that doesnt seem like it’s looping. it has some embarssing 2010 song moments but honestly??? i dont care it’s literally a cute up beat song, generic especially with that kpop formula and the slight change towards the end but honestly thats what shinee was doing at the time, and it was fine. im only being so hard on this album because shinee Really Fucking Worked on their music and really went like beyond everything to become the shinee we know and love and appreciate today. so yeah. generic cute pop song that i still jam to but dont listen to often.

then it’s love pain, which i mean? it’s like a more hurt ayo lmao. like in the way it’s sung and it’s feel, the subject matter can be totally different. anyway not much to say just like…this album is so 2010 and this song really captures that like idk not much critique on this, i dont love it anymore but? vocals are gr8 and it’s a cool slow song

the album finishes with love still goes on, which is i think an AMAZING reference to the song love should off their first album. it’s a nod to the past while showing off how theyve grown and how theyve improved their vocals. the problem i have with this song is literally the same with ready or not with a dash of side eye at the raps but honestly?? it’s cute its happening and i just think the nod to their first album was a cute way to finish the album. it doesnt finish with a band but rather with a thanks, and i think that was really lovely

anyway my final review is: nostalgia/10 (with me mostly only listening to electric heart, ready or not, love still goes on and up and down)

but again this was me really just? giving a thorough critique lmao i still really lov this album, i own it (a ver AND b ver) and honestly if i ever see shinee live and they do any song off this album you will catch me wiping the tears from my eyes while belting out the lyrics. hyped as fuck. i kno this album like the back of my hand istgggggg i really do love this album, it’s just musically we all kno shinee is that group, but it’s super cool looking at their progression as artists and how theyve moved along musically!!

[joannawillshrink]

havent worked out in two weeks

and I’m going surfing in Ecuador in ... 8 days. so, yea guess whos gonna be fat in all her photos! 

I wish I knew how to not be in a shit mood all the time. Just came home from a show, for example, and like... I cant tell if my bitchiness is justified. The show was glorious. But when we exited the theater, “we” being my roommates and I, an Uber home was $30. I suggested we snag a beer somewhere and wait out prime rates. But my one roommate girl wasnt into it, so much so you could even hear it in her tone, and so... we walked. We walked in the rain. And it was mostly fine, but she kept power walking and zipping across cross walks in yellow lights as if there were some grand rush or destination. We were just walking in the general direction of our house so as to A. run the clock so the Uber surge would be lower, and B. we’d be slightly closer to our destination which would cut the price down. So I get it. But I insisted right as we left the venue that I didnt want to walk all the way to ____Bar (dont wanna name it), because I had done that a couple weeks prior for the same reasons and it didnt end well for me because it was shit weather to walk in, and when I got as far as I felt comfortable walking, the place I waited for the car to pick me up well, I guess I’ll just say I got bothered and approached by a lot of homeless men / drunk dudes / generally like... unsavory people. It killed the vibe of the show I had walked from.   So! I said this to my roommates, that I didnt want to do that walk again. So we’re walking, and zigging and zagging and theyre kindof ahead of me and I just kindof feel like, left behind. My male roommate proclaims “I’d be down to stop at ______ and get pretzels!” to which my female roommate agrees. and I shrug because I dont want food and internally find humor that like, they dont mind stopping and spending money at this place, but not initially back by the venue for a drink and a sit down. BUT anyways, so we’re in there, I’m watching them buy pretzels and when we go to leave, my female roommate decides to take us down a back alley instead of the normal road. At which point, this really challenging homeless lady approaches us and is mumbling a mile a minute and not making any sense and following us very closely and then arguing with herself mixed with swearing at us. My male roommate gave her one of his pretzels and we kept walking. I do not know why my female roommate did this the way she did, but apparently we were to get our Uber pickup like, a block north? Instead of finding a nice corner to wait on, she pinned it further away so we had to walk and go catch it? So this awkward interaction with this homeless woman, being followed, and then apparently our ride drove past us before we could reach it. None of this was spoken aloud until she goes “oh, our car is gone.” I’m pissed at this point. Its raining. Its a creepy depressing road by a gas station. And while we’re waiting for the car I didnt know we were getting at a pin we werent even at at the time...ugh... while we were waiting for that car to circle back around, the homeless lady walked back up to us. She’s just staring at me. And like, just... it sounded as if she was speaking into a tape recorder and then playing the audio backwards. With occasional audible swear words. I think I heard her say something about my roommate giving her a pretzel. But she’s so close to me and like, shifting her wait, and then throwing her hands to her stomach saying “ow ow!” as if someone invisible just punched her... Neither of my roommates are saying anything, I’m staring at my female roommate like “YO IS THIS CAR COMING OR>>>>???” so fucking annoyed. No ones saying anything to this homeless lady, and we cant walk away now because of the car my roommate “secured” in such a lame manner. Like... 

I feel like a bitch. Because even the simplest shit, I think I can do it better than other people. It would have continued the lovely vibe of the show if we could have all just gotten one beer, sat at some bar table or something and gushed about what we had just seen!!! Inside, in a warm place, not getting rained on, not getting followed, not wandering around dark, dingy parts of town!!! we wouldve run the surge clock out, they wouldve spent the same money on pretzels on a drink instead. Like... just.. UGH. and then we wouldve had a car from a nice safe cute part of town. 

I’m not trying to be bougie and ignore the plight of the homeless and mentally ill. It just... our night didnt have to look like that. And they didnt have to be so disorganized... Its just shit like that that makes me remember why I travel alone. Because I can do things my way, just how I like, whenever I like. I think I have finesse and style and DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SO FEW PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE THAT SHIT TOGETHER. 

And so we get home, and immediately theyre like “heeeeyyy lets smoke a bowl!” because theyre always fucking smoking. always. ALLLWAYYYS. I dont know how to be cool about it anymore. I just think its fucking lame. I need to find a forum of other people that think stoners are lame. Because I feel so alone. I dont know how to change my mind on this! Like, my roommates are becoming more and more lame, and it increases when theyre high. It stinks up the house, their jokes arent funny, they just sit around making bad puns about House Hunters or my roommate’s dog’s name. Endlessly. Its not funny! Its just dumb, and I’m really tired of fake laughing. And recently my female roommates boyfriend started spending more time here and he stays here when she’s out at work and stuff and basically lives here and he’s a weed smoker too, so I just feel fuckin square and lame and old as shit. 

Its not a bad house to live in. At all. Theyre nice. Theyre supportive and creative people. I just... am I being a mega snob? Needing more? Is it grass is always greener? like, if I lived with more ambitious people would it feel like, too harsh or maybe I would start to feel like I was the lame one. I dont know. I just, miss sexiness and sharpness, real humor, wit. Edge. Speed. Fucking saavy. Does that make any sense? I’m going crazy. No I’m not. I think I just need different friends, and more will power to break off from a vibe I’m not into. I couldve easily said “hey, I dont feel like walking, I’mma do my own thing, I’ll see ya’ll at home.”

...

its a constant divide in my mind; wanting to feel less lonely, while being so fucking irritated by people. WHAT DO I DO HOW DO PEOPLE EXIST OUT HERE.