#umbra was like some magic uhhh.

[mewguca]

i saw pretty outfits on twitter so i drew them

[link] and [link]

[orderofthedyingstar]

RECAP: SESSION 10

SESSION TEN

It’s been a week since the encounter with Umbra. The party left the barn they commandeered on Dynafell’s outskirts after its owners returned and have been staying in a tavern in the farmland area outside of the city proper. Rhododendron’s been staying in their room almost exclusively, while Inigo disappears for long stretches of the day and Jun’s been preoccupied reading. Verrix hasn’t strayed too far from the tavern (worried about Rhododendron, hmm?), digging around for information about Donny and Raz where he can. People sort of recognize Donny’s description, but they seem to be confused about what crimes she’s committed (robbing a bank, killing a man, etc); more people know Raz, since they lived in the city, but no one has seen them since Umbra took them - and no one recognizes Umbra’s description. 

Rhododendron, out of both boredom and curiosity, finally asks Jun where he got the books he’s reading and he admits that he stole a bunch of books from the Order of the Dying Star - and didn’t want to tell her since she’d been so worried after he stole the bow. Rhododendron tries to explain the difference in morality between stealing from a shady Order and the Queen to Jun again, and while he’s willing to listen he still doesn’t seem to really understand. Jun then says he doesn’t really care whether or not it’s bad so long as he can get more information, while Rhododendron disagrees, saying all of the information she’s gotten in the past month has been bad…when she starts wallowing and looking like she’s about to cry again, Jun makes a mustache appear on his face to try and cheer her up. When Rhododendron starts asking him about his spell-learning process, he hands her an Illusion magic book to try and distract her. Verrix returns, sees a book in Rhododendron’s hands, and starts laughing. 

Rhododendron: “I was going to learn! Fuck you!”

Jun switches the book from Rhododendron to Verrix, pointing out that Verrix might actually be able to get something out of it. When Rhododendron tries to argue that she can do magic, both Verrix and Jun conjure up fire and ask if she can do it. Rhododendron eventually gets annoyed enough with both of them to leave the room - and Jun asks Verrix if he can even read, which he doesn’t give an answer to. Rhododendron starts shooting arrows at a tree outside of the tavern that she’s been using  for target practice the past few days, although she misses much more than she would like. Inigo passes by Rhododendron on his way back to the tavern to sleep, commenting on her half-hearted archery attempts. Rhododendron eventually heads back inside and asks Verrix if he found out any new information.

Verrix: “Did you know Donny was a guard here? Who let that happen??”

Rhododendron: “I don’t think they really thought about it.” 

Jun: “I don’t think they do background checks here.”

The party starts worrying about their slowly dwindling supply of money, wondering if they’re going to need to start dividing up their rations. Rhododendron asks for a dagger (Jun hands her one, Verrix tries to hand her four), worrying both of her (conscious) party members that she’s going to ‘get stabby’. (Verrix: “At least it’s not an arrow.”) They also both comment that they have Shield at the ready in case she gets any ideas.

Rhododendron, threatening: “Oh, you both know Shield?” 

Jun: “It’s a pretty good spell when you’re fragile and bleed easily and blood mages can just knock you out in one hit.” 

Rhododendron: “Blood mages?” 

Jun: “Uhhh, I mean strange fire genasi that we don’t know the powers and origins of…” 

Rhododendron: “Are you not telling me something?” 

Jun: “Ah…I’m not telling you a lot of things…so…”

Jun tries to distract Rhododendron from his slip about Umbra by rambling on about divination magic, Donny, and Raz - and successfully derails her by mentioning that he might be able to track Raz using Locate Object, although he’s still reluctant to burn a spell slot.

Rhododendron: “We’ve been doing nothing for seven days, Jun If-I-Knew-Your-Last-Name-I-Would-Have-Said-It.” 

Jun: “That’s on purpose.”

Jun doesn’t think he can sense Raz’s arcane focus anywhere within the current range of the spell, just similar objects in the temples of Dynafell. Rhododendron wakes Inigo up with a loud screech, interrogating him about where he’s been wandering off to the past week. Inigo tosses a bag full of silver and copper coins at her, saying that he got them from ‘work’; he’s been killing a lot of rats and doing other odd jobs. Rhododendron tries to ask Inigo if he has any ideas about where Umbra could have gone, or if he has a secret hideout, and Inigo finally reveals that his memories haven’t fully returned.

Inigo: “I don’t remember…” 

Rhododendron: “Remember what?” 

Inigo: “MMHMM! A lot of things!” 

Rhododendron: “I thought you got your memories back?” 

Inigo: “Mostly, I mostly got them back. Turns out there’s a lot of stuff I didn’t know so when I started remembering I thought, ‘wow that’s a lot’…but it turns out it’s a slow thing.”

Inigo barely remembers anything about Umbra, and as Rhododendron pushes for more facts he freaks out about how little he can recall and how violent the things that he can remember are. The only concrete things he’s able to give involve a cave somewhere in the mountains with ‘creepy statues’ and a giant nearby. When Rhododendron looks to Jun for any sort of opinion on this he won’t look at her. Rhododendron realizes that none of the current party were with her for the incident at the lake and makes herself sad again.

Rhododendron (telling Verrix about what she and Donny fought about): “The blood on the hotel walls, my career ruined and in the garbage?”  

Verrix: “Why did you do that again?” 

Rhododendron: “Michael. Fucking Michael.” 

Verrix and Jun shrug at each other. They have no idea what she’s talking about. 

Rhododendron: “Oh, we could find Yeah!” 

Verrix: “We could find Michael?” 

Rhododendron: “No, Yeah!” 

Verrix: “Which one???” 

Jun, to Verrix: “Is she making less sense than usual or is it just me?”

Rhododendron: “Do you know Yeah?” 

Jun: “Do I…No?? Yeah??”

After confusing the rest of the party thoroughly for several minutes, Rhododendron finally explains that Yeah is another person that she knows, and that they might have some more information about the owlbears and anything that’s been happening in Dynafell…but the decides that it isn’t much of a lead. The party decides to go to the mountains to try to rouse Inigo’s memories, although Rhododendron gets annoyed when Jun points out that while it’s not a bad idea, it might take months before they get answers. She also blames Inigo and Verrix for not doing anything while Raz was being taken, which Verrix gets annoyed about and Inigo says that they wouldn’t have been able to stop Umbra. Inigo points out that Umbra probably would have killed them if they’d tried to stop them, and doubts they’ll be able to do anything to stop Umbra even if they find them again.

Despite the party’s disagreements about their ability to face Umbra or even find them, both Jun and Inigo agree with Rhododendron on killing Umbra. Jun also says that he doesn’t think they’re capable of killing Umbra just yet because they all work poorly together as a team and don’t really know what else Umbra can do. Rhododendron is still insistent on moving, irritated and restless with being unable to do anything to help Raz at the moment. Verrix heads out to gather more information in town, and Jun reveals that he recognizes Umbra from a few brief encounters with them a long time ago. Both Jun and Inigo try to escape with Verrix but Rhododendron doesn’t let them leave, interrogating both of them for every detail they can give her about Umbra.

Jun gives brief details about his time spent interrogating Umbra while still working at the Cobalt Keep, stating a few times that it’s difficult for him to remember all of the pieces of what really happened. Inigo gives some scattered information about some of the places he’s remembered going, and that he thinks he was very young when he met Umbra, and that they haven’t seemed to age at all. (Jun says that genasi don’t have very long lifespans, so Umbra not visibly aging would be abnormal for them.) Rhododendron tries to ask Jun about the Cobalt Keep, but he refuses to talk about it, just going back to his interrogation of Umbra and how few answers he got - and that Inigo was with Umbra during their imprisonment at the Keep. Jun also doesn’t give many details about Umbra’s breakout, but does mention that he couldn’t get into Inigo’s mind at all.

Rhododendron: “Wait, Inigo, how old are you?” 

Inigo: “Huh…..probably somewhere between ten and sixty.”

While she’s calmed down considerably, Rhododendron still gives Jun some shit for withholding information, which he isn’t upset about. He says that he’s always gotten in trouble for withholding answers and doesn’t have a good track record with trusting other people with the truth; he then mentions that if Umbra has run back to So’Joh he probably shouldn’t go because he’s wanted there, although most people probably think he’s dead. When Rhododendron whines about only being friends with fugitives and criminals, Jun points out that the only person (including her) that they’ve hung around the past few weeks that hasn’t committed any crimes is Raz. Inigo also manages to recall that Umbra had once had a plan to steal the crown of So’Joh and switch it, which Jun initially doesn’t care about until he remembers that it’s Enchanted to manipulate people’s emotions.

Jun: “That is not our problem, because it’s in the Cobalt Keep, which we are never going to - or at least, I’m never going to. You can do that on your own time, I’ll stay here. In a different country.”

Verrix, meanwhile, has been asking around if anyone has seen any mountains lately. (They definitely have.) He then switches gears, trying to ask about a lake up in the mountains.

Verrix: “Mountain. Cave. Lake. You know what I mean?”

Verrix goes into a tavern and stares at a map of the country, staring at it for a while before realizing he has no idea how to read it. He tries to get some strangers at the bar to read the map for him, but they refuse (Verrix: “This city is so mean”). He tries to pry the map off of the wall with his dagger, but the bartender catches him - Verrix asks the man to read the map for him, but he gets mistaken for a drunk person, although the bartender also does mention that the only lake of any significance up in the mountains is Mirror Lake before kicking him out. He gives up and heads back to the rest of his party. Verrix does confuse the bartender’s suggestions that he attend school with his information about the lake, thinking that children are getting kidnapped and taken to the lake.

Rhododendron: “Inigo, are you paying attention?” 

Inigo: “Honestly? No. You guys started using big words so I zoned out and started staring at the ceiling.”

The group decides to try to head up to Mirror Lake, although Rhododendron is reluctant to go through Whitwood/Elfslayer’s Run (even though it’s faster) and Verrix does not want to go back through Snaketail Crevice to get up into the mountains. She still says that they should pass through Whitwood as fast as possible, making the rest of the party think that she’s committed some sort of crime in that town. They spend too long arguing about whether or not to stock up on supplies in Whitwood, and Inigo calls the party boring, offending both Verrix and Rhododendron.  

Before the group leaves, Verrix takes Inigo with him to ‘borrow’ the map he was looking at earlier. Verrix tries to run into the tavern to grab the map, but gets blinded by his own bangs and trips over his own cloak. Inigo tries not to laugh and then walks over the map, rips the map + frame off of the wall, and walks outside. Verrix finally remembers to check for any wanted posters to see if anyone remembers Rhododendron’s crime, but gets distracted by all of the other posters in the city. Verrix is disappointed when Rhododendron tells him that they can’t carry the map around in its frame the entire time they’re traveling.

Rhododendron: “Um, did you need one that big??” 

Verrix: “Yup. We gotta go.”

The group heads out on the road, one Rhododendron is very familiar with. She’s made this journey plenty of times before, and knows that the last big town they’ll pass through before Whitwood and the mountains is El Canje. 

Rhododendron: “It’s important when battling to know one another to know how people think.” 

Jun: “Oh, I know how all of you think.” 

Verrix: “How do I think?” 

Jun: “You don’t.” 

Verrix: “That’s harsh. Wow.”

Verrix shares a little about his past, saying that he used to live in Silva before losing his parents and running around on his own. Inigo still doesn’t remember much, but says that all ‘angels look the same’ - when Verrix tries to confirm that with the Voice in his head he’s punished with three straight minutes of unrelenting harp music. When they finally rest, during her watch Rhododendron talks to a few animals, really creeping Inigo out.

Rhododendron: “I think you’re just bottling things up and avoiding them and it’s going to be really bad when they finally blow up.”

The close the party gets to El Canje, the more traffic they encounter. Rhododendron notices that most of the people heading that direction are self-styled adventurers, decked out in armor and weapons to try and break into an old temple that’s been unearthed in El Canje bearing the symbol of the missing moon goddess. Freaking out a little, Rhododendron catches Verrix up to speed on the events of the Laoteng temple she and Jun broke into a while ago. Rhododendron and Jun decide it would probably be worthwhile to try and get into this temple too, but are unsure how to do that without attracting the attention of the entire crowd of travelers. They debate whether or not the bow is cursed, (and hope that it isn’t) to which Jun says a small curse is better than a big curse.

Rhododendron: “We aren’t here to steal anything.” 

Verrix: “Yet.”

The temple itself is partially unearthed, clearly excavated from beneath another building and covered in scorches and scratch marks from the many failed attempts at entry. Whatever magic is here is old and failing but still incredibly powerful. As the party tries to figure out a way to enter the temple, they also wonder what could possibly be inside of the temple - and how to distract all of the many, many adventurers circling around the building. While Rhododendron and Verrix are distracted arguing about whether or not Verrix is ‘chill’, Jun mimics Laoteng’s symbol on the front door, attracting the attention of all of the other adventurers. The party circles around to the back and tries to get in through a window - Rhododendron prays to Laoteng for help and shoots an arrow through the window. Light collects at the arrow tip, just like the last time, and the window explodes as the arrow blasts through it. The party climbs into the temple through the window (with some difficulty on Rhododendron’s end), finding it just as decrepit as the last one, with another pool of water in the center of the main room. Rhododendron launches another arrow at the pool, evaporating the water and revealing another set of stairs leading downwards…

Inigo casts light on a rock so Rhododendron can see as they descend the staircase, leading them to another circular room covered in mosaics depicting more myths about Laoteng: how humans got emotions, Gosha’s founding, the guidance of the gods in creatinine the capital cities. Rhododendron, forgetting to look for traps/enemies, runs straight into a massive web, attracting the attention of something large that skitters along the walls. Verrix shoots a firebolt down the hallway, revealing six giant spiders (Gross). 

Verrix: “Boy, I sure do hate that.” 

Rhododendron: “Yeah! YEAH! Ugh, that’s horrible, spiders shouldn’t be that big.”

After setting most of the webbing on fire and dealing a significant amount of fire damage, the party manages to destroy all of the spiders, although Verrix and Inigo get poisoned in the process. Rhododendron sorts through her bag and spells but realizes they have nothing to cure the poison on them, leaving half of the party weakened. As they extinguish the flames and push past the last of the spiders’ webbing, they find that the hallway continues, but is trapped with spikes that Rhododendron nearly falls into. Rhododendron and Jun make it across the spikes safely, but tell Verrix and Inigo to stay behind since they’re still poisoned. The hallway leads into a large, circular room, only this time there’s someone moving around in it.

Jun: “Ah, shit - backup, backup, abortabortabort.” 

Rhododendron: “Do you think they’re friendly?”

(Nat1 nature check from Rhododendron) A kindly old woman is in the room, surprised by her visitors. She tells the two that she lives in this temple ‘sometimes’, and offers up a riddle. Jun keeps insisting that they leave. The woman says that she likes being in the temple to absorb the old magic, to which Jun comments that he’s never liked hags. 

Rhododendron: “Maybe you shouldn’t, like, do that? This temple is gonna fall apart.” 

Auntie May: “Maybe someday, but rocks are pretty sturdy and the magic is even sturdier.”

Rhododendron: “Not if you’re eating it.” 

Auntie May: “I’m not eating it, just…absorbing. It’s nature.” 

Rhododendron: “Or it’s stealing.” 

Auntie May: “Well, no on else is using it, so might as well.” 

Rhododendron: “You don’t know that.” 

Auntie May: “I do. What’s a dead god going to do with power that’s just sitting there? Nothing. This is but an echo of what she was.”

Auntie May expresses displeasure at the party having killed the spiders, calling them her ‘pets’ and saying she’ll have to go look for new ones. She dodges answering when Rhododendron asks how she gets in and out of the temple, but as Rhododendron asks more questions she offers and exchange: a secret for a secret, but Rhododendron declines. As Jun and Rhododendron start to leave, Auntie May addresses Rhododendron by name, saying that she read it on her bow even though it’s covered. As they leave Rhododendron spots spell components on the table Auntie May is rearranging, including bones. She asks Jun if they should be worried about the hag, but Jun is extremely against confronting her, especially after casting Detect Magic on the temple walls. 

Rhododendron: “This is a whole temple. It shouldn’t be a place you destroy and ruin.” 

Jun: “Well, we’re no clerics of Laoteng, you know? We can let it slide, it’s not like Raz is here - oh, s-shit. Um, I was UNCONSCIOUS, did I mention that?“

Rhododendron is still concerned about the hag and the possibility of other adventurers running across her, and despite Jun’s repeated warnings decides to go back into Auntie May’s room. Rhododendron says that she also feels compelled to see things through on behalf of Laoteng. 

[ask-the-cosmic-duo]

Chapter 1: Return of the Light

A rift appeared on the edge of the bustling town of Ponyville. The Luxan, a stranger in this world, steps through, and the magical gateway closed behind him. As soon as it was closed, a young-looking mare comes up to him, sporting a light blue mane and yellow coat. She smiles.

"Hello, sir! Welcome! Um... want some ice cream?!" She smiles brightly, holding a triple-scooped cone out to the stallion.

He kept his stoic look, aside from a raised eyebrow. “You don’t even know my name, and you’re offering me a sugary treat?” A smirk crossed his face. “That’s perhaps the last thing I expected…”

She smiled. “Yeah! Hey, it gets more business, and makes newcomers happy, you know?” She levitates it over to him despite being an earth pony. “So, what IS your name? I’m Sweet Scoop!”

“Let’s just say… I’m ancient.” He chuckled. “Also, I’ll pass on the dessert. Thank you, though.”

She gives him a sort of annoyed look, then teleports the cone away in a grey puff of smoke. “Well, hey! I’m kinda old too. 1,800 years old in fact!” She resumes her smile.

“W-woah… Then you know what I am?” This genuinely surprised Apollo.

She nodded. “Uhhh... Oh! You’re a… Luxan...” her face takes a nervous look. “... Um…” She began sweating nervously.

“Yes, Luxan. Don’t worry, you got it right.” A sigh. “Listen… I’m here in Equestria for a reason. Do you know what I’m referring to?”

She shakes her head. Her voice gets low. “... You won’t kill me, right? I dunno why you’re here, mister.” She gives him a pleading look.

The unicorn’s expression narrowed, though not in anger. “The balance of the world is being threatened by something. Let’s put it that way.”

She nodded. “O-okay, mister…” She muttered an Umbrum shield spell, which Apollo would’ve heard at some point, as it was a very basic spell.

Once again, he rose an eyebrow. “An Umbrum spell… Wait, are you one of them?!”

She nods. “Y-yes... You... probably wanna kill me... so I made a shield…” Her look is one of fear. “I-I... I’m not good at magic yet…”

He stared blankly at her for an extended period of time… She waited, wondering what he was going to do. Would he attack her? Probably. That was her idea of Luxans, anyways.

“... Fine, fine. You seem innocent, so I won’t hurt you.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, gaining her smile again. “Though I guess I basically gotta be your slave then, so tell me what to do.”

“Slave? What, do you think I’m some kind of dictator? No, absolutely not!” He huffed.

Another sigh of relief. “W-well… I thought that’s what Luxi did to Umbra they don’t kill. I guess I was wrong… Thank you for sparing me, sir.” Her voice showed clear gratitude.

“Of course. So… what was your name again? Sweet Scoop?”

“Yep! That’s my name alright. What’s yours, mister?”

“Apollo Equinox. A pleasure to meet you, especially being an Umbrum that’s not a jerk.” He chuckled.

She chuckles with him. “Have you met my cousin, Small Bean? Her cafe is just outside of Equestria…”

“Yes, I have. I got breakfast from her café yesterday. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I just wanted to be sure she was safe, is all. Precious, she is…” She blinks. “Um... So, what are you doing next?”

“That, I don’t know… I need to figure out exactly what’s going on first. As in what’s offset the balance.” He rose a hoof to his chin in thought.

She shook her head. “Can’t help you. I don’t know any of that stuff. Oh, and I need to go run my shop... Come see me at the ice cream shop if you ever need help!” She smiles and runs off.

“Thank you, Miss Scoop!” He smiled and saluted her before going in another direction, deciding to search the town and see what’s around.

//Asks can be answered in-between story sections like this one, if anypony was wondering. Go ahead and ask whatever you wish!

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Taveau, the Duros, and the Magical Sonic Shower

HE’S BACK, HE’S STILL DRUNK AND HE’S STILL A COMPLETE TRASH MAN(dalorian) GET READY FOR THE CONTINUED ADVENTURES OF TAVEAU STARSIDE (in association with my buddies’ characters Grif the human and RRRRAWWWFWJDLDAARRRRRR the wookie, and introducing a Mystery Woman). 

Long post (very long this time) below the cut, featuring fuzzy copilots, failed perception checks, and reality-bending Nat 20s 

Session 2 opens with me reminding everyone that I’m drunk driving and asking DM SpeedyJellyfish if I crash into the side of the spaceport building. He tells me to roll. 

I have a +8 to the Pilot skill, so the score I ended up with was a 23. 

DM: you LOOK like you’re going to crash-Grif and Rralwarr (that��s apparently how we spell the Wookie’s name that I was hearing as ‘Rowler’ before) are clinging to their seats in the back; at one point Grif slides off and Rralwarr grabs him-but at the last moment you make a perfect 90 degree turn and come to a complete stop right next to the building. 

Me: I step out of the cockpit and bow deeply. And then almost fall over.

Grif: I try not to throw up. 

Rralwarr: I am scarred for life! 

DM, to Grif: Roll constitution. 

Grif: (5) 

Joey: ...you lose it. You stumble out of the speeder and it all comes up. ...Other than that you’re fine.

We enter the spaceport and it’s empty and abandoned (not surprising, considering there’s an invasion happening) except for a single, distant figure. As we notice it, DM tells us it’s a Duros, but it’s too far away to really tell much about it-- (Grif does really well on a perception roll) oh in that case, it’s a female Duros in a dark flight suit and boots. 

Meanwhile, Rralwarr’s player H made a joke about ‘making a good perception roll in real life’ because he’d realized that T, M’s girlfriend, was now on Roll20 and was probably going to be playing that character. And lo and behold, she was. Her character’s name is Umbra. 

T (Umbra) then makes her own Perception roll and gets a 13, so DM describes what the group approaching her looks like to her. 

DM: You see a human, a wookie, and something in Mandalorian armor. It appears humanoid. The wookie is taller—seems very well armed. The shorter male human seems to have a bit of a swagger about him, and his clothes look decent but a bit scorched. The third figure appears to be in some kind of vaguely Mandalorian armor, brownish-like, and a poncho. That person you can’t tell much about, but he or she seems to be stumbling a bit, like it’s either very sleepy or drunk.

Grif begins to approach the Duros, and I declare my intention of “sort of mindlessly shambling after him.” Rralwarr says he’s going to grab onto me and hold me in place. DM says “roll a grapple check” and 

we 

both 

roll 

an 

11. 

DM: ......Oh. Well that’s a contested grapple check. Um. Rralwarr, you try to grab him but he just sort of.... wobbles away from you... Like, you’re not even sure Taveau knows what he’s doing, but you fail to get a firm grip on him. 

Me, after I’m done “wobbling” around Rralwarr’s attempts at restraint: I follow Grif. 

H (Rralwarr): I follow to make sure Taveau’s blaster doesn’t go off. 

Me: I’m not touching my blaster! 

H: That’s what YOU think! 

Me, remembering last session’s crit fail: ...You Have A Point

We approached T’s character Umbra and Grif struck up a conversation with her which resulted in her offering us a ride in the shadiest language possible. I didn’t get notes on her opening speech because it was long and I was just fangirling over having another girl in the group, but it gave off a very, very strong aura of ‘sly, arrogant trickster who’s likely to double-cross you at every step of the way’. 

Also, brief context: Rralwarr did really badly on a “lore” roll earlier in the campaign, before I was there; so badly that they’re still making jokes about how he originally thought that Hypori was a tropical planet full of beaches. 

Grif: What matters is that we need to get all three of us to Hypori. 

Umbra: Hypori. Hypori, y’say? Why Hypori? 

Grif: Well 

Rralwarr: Don’t tell her! 

Grif: ...My wookie friend, here, is completely convinced it’s a tropical paradise, and he’s dying to get to Hypori, so... You know, I try to humor him. I’m thinking, once he figures it out, the shock might knock some sense into him. 

Rralwarr: ...You’re really enjoying the fact that nobody else here can understand what I’m saying, aren’t you. 

Grif: :) 

Umbra tells us, shadily in her shady way, that for the right price, she can ‘get us a ship’. Meanwhile, 

Me: Taveau sits down on the floor. 

Rralwarr: Wookie is satisfied! (that I’m not going to accidentally shoot anyone from here)

Umbra, pausing her Bad Guy Speech: ...Is your Mandalorian, ish, friend okay?

Grif: Oh, yeah, he’s fine. He’s been through some rough patches, I think he just woke up an hour ago. 

Taveau: Yyyyyyep. 

Umbra: What sort of rough patches? 

Grif: Oh well you know, there’s the invasion, for one thing. 

Umbra: Invasion? Of what? 

Taveau: Oh, did you miss the invasion, too? 

Umbra: ...There’s been no invasion, to my knowledge... 

Taveau: Aaaaeeeyyyy, you’re just as much of an idiot as I am! 

Grif, making a very halfhearted attempt to smooth things over, tells her she’s ‘just as sane as I (Taveau) am’ and I point out that that might be considered an insult. Grif tries to Persuade her that that’s not what he meant... and rolls poorly, while Umbra rolls a high Perception. 

DM: Yeah, she is not convinced, and she is a little insulted. 

Me: I’m just laughing at all this. 

After Grif mentions the court hearing (that they missed, before the session where I joined) Umbra goes ‘oh, so is it your face I’ve been seeing on the holo-posters?’ but is required by the DM to make a Deception check (because that’s blatantly not the case, and Grif of all people should know) and doesn’t do very well. 

Grif: Wanted posters? What no why would I be on a wanted poster--the invasion happened before we could get to court! 

Umbra: Ah, must’ve been someone else then. 

Grif: Anyway. May we see these ships? Don’t like putting my money into something I haven’t seen yet. 

Me: Taveau is now completely prone on the floor. 

Rralwarr: Wookie is further satisfied. 

DM, to me: Roll constitution. 

Me: Why? 

DM: To see if you pass out on the floor. 

Me: OK you’re right that would totally happen--(and yet, I pass the roll and remain awake). 

Umbra leads Grif off to the docking bay, and Rralwarr hangs out near my limp body, watching them from a diplomatic distance. 

Umbra: Alright, this is the docking bay. Behind some of these doors are ships. Some of them could probably take you to Hypori. Some of them... you really don’t want to open. But I’m not just going to open any of these doors. Like this one? Yeah, it’s got a ship behind it... But it’s got a wicked security system, and I lost the key. So if you want a ship, then... It’s gonna cost 2000 credits. Or, behind this door... go in there and see about getting you a ship for about... 1500 credits? Or you could just pick one of the doors, but... the security systems in this place are pretty tight. 

Grif: Now, I don’t want anyone to get hurt here! I feel like you’re telling me to run headlong into danger, and if I got hurt, my friend here would be very upset. 

Rralwarr: *moves a little closer* 

Grif: *does well on his Persuade roll* 

Umbra: *does well on her Perception roll; can definitely tell that Rralwarr is giving her A Look from across the room* 

DM, interpreting the rolls: Umbra is definitely intimidated by this, she kind of shrinks back a bit, looks a little defensive... seems like she might be willing to lower her prices.

Umbra:  Yeaaaah... I, I, I’ve heard of a few wookies... not bein too happy when someone got hurt... Tell you what, I gotta make a living too tho. For the first door, I’ll go down to 1470, and for the second door, mmm 1250.

Grif: Oh come on now... 

DM: Is Taveau still lying on the floor? 

Me: Yep. 

DM: Roll Perception! 

Me: ...Okay? (rolls low) 

DM: MMmm. Nope! You don’t notice anything :) 

Me: 

Me: I Feel Uncomfortable 

Me: But Taveau does not, and is very much enjoying the experience of being completely relaxed on this nice cool floor. 

I ask DM to describe the floor. He says it’s kind of like a Walmart floor. Taveau’s standards are low. It is a smooth horizontal surface & he is very drunk. He continues to enjoy it, blissfully ignorant of anything that might have required a good Perception roll to notice. Meanwhile, while we’re having technical difficulties with showing T (the new player) how to use Roll20, I ping her character a couple of times on the screen. She responds with: 

Umbra: Your drunken friend is eyeing me... 

Me: Oh, is that what I’m doing? Just... staring at your boots, across the floor? 

M (Grif): Shiiiiiny. 

Rralwarr, who’d been checking on whether the computers had access to cameras showing the ships (they didn’t), then Percepted on the doors and went over to tell what he’d noticed (notably, that they were equipped with cameras AND GUN TURRETS) to Grif. Grif, now even more on edge, continues trying to bargain with Umbra, and DM then tells me to make another perception roll, and this time I get a 15. 

DM: OK... So close to the floor, Taveau, you can hear something. You hear a rumbling noise, that seems to be coming closer, but you can’t really tell what it is, or where exactly it’s coming from. 

Me: I get up a little bit, like up on my elbows, and see if I can figure out where it’s coming from. (decent tactics roll) 

DM: It’s coming from the direction of the city, heading in your direction. 

Me: I get up and lurch over towards Grif and the Wookie and go “hey uhhh do you guys like, do you guys hear somethin”

Grif, still attempting to haggle with Umbra: --scuse me, one moment—what now?

(His *sweetie, not now, mommy’s talking to her adult friends* voice was something to be marveled at.) 

Taveau: Do you uh. Did you, like. Can you guys uhhh hear somethin? Like, a rumbling, like... I thought I heard somethin. 

Me: I flop back down on the floor. 

(Imagine the CLONK of drunk-human-filled armor just dropping down onto this jank WalMart tile spaceport) 

Rralwarr: I gently get down on the floor too. 

(No clonk. The soft sound of a very large teddy bear settling itself onto the floor of the WalMart Space Tiles.) 

DM: Roll Perception! (He doesn’t do very well.) You hear something. But you can’t tell if it’s a speeder bike, an army of droids or a herd of rancors.

Then Umbra rolls, and gets a nat 20. 

DM: Oh you know instantly what this is. You jump up off the floor and go “yep that’s a squad of droids coming this way, they’ll be here in 10 minutes.” 

Grif: SON OF A BANTHA THEN WE NEED TO GET OFF THIS PLANET LET’S GO 

Umbra: Well, yes, but I still expect to be paid first--

Rralwarr: I Shall Intimidate Her (rolls a 22) 

Umbra: (makes a roll to resist this and gets a 10) 

DM: You are very very very very intimidated, cuz he just stomps up and roars at you. 

Grif: I’m sure you understand, we’re just trying to get out of here. Once we’re safe in space I’ll offer you some compensation.

Umbra: I... Still expect to be paid upfront.... 

DM: I don’t think you understand. You have just been... very. Intimidated. 

Me: I felt the vibrations from the deafening wookie roar travel through the floor and through my helmet and into my face. 

DM: Yeah, you’re more concerned about not getting your arms ripped off than about getting paid up front. 

Umbra: ....Okay....

Grif: Now just get us to the best ship-- 

Umbra: Best ship? Oh you didn’t say anything about getting the best ship--

Grif, losing it:  Just give us any ship and it’ll be the best ship cuz it’ll be what’s left because EVERYTHING ELSE IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED WHEN THE DROIDS GET HERE! 

Taveau, still prone on the floor, pounds lethargically on the floor a couple times and goes “hear, hear...” 

Umbra is convinced. But she’s not happy about it, and she’s not a huge fan of us. She opens one of the hangar doors no problem, and successfully resets the alarms after letting herself through. Grif immediately trips the alarms while attempting to follow her, and T provides sound effects. 

T: WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO! 

Taveau: THANKS FOR YOUR “HELP”, LADY! 

Umbra then has to make another mechanics roll to unlock the ship. She gets another nat 20. 

DM:  Mmm okay! You take your probe, and just slide it smoothly into the access port and the hatch opens up, the lights turn on, you can hear the engine powering, it sounds like everything is working perfectly, and not only that but you see that there is a nice hot pot of caf sitting inside the gangway. Fun things happen when you nat 20. 

Grif: ooh caf! I love caf-- 

Taveau: I NEED THIS

Rralwarr, to Grif: Yeah let him have it, if he’s gonna fly this thing I think he needs it more. 

Taveau takes off his helmet and dumps two-thirds of the caf into it. Since this is the first time his helmet has come off, they ask me to describe him. He’s a youngish human man with short, dark hair and beard, darkish tan skin nicked with scars. He hands the rest of the pot to Grif, and walks off sipping caf from his helmet. 

Taveau: Grif. You can have the rest. 

Grif: ....Why thank you. 

Rralwarr: But at what cost 

DM, to me: Roll constitution. (Mediocre.) Yeah, you’re good, nothing unusual happens but Taveau is now slightly more awake. 

Taveau is in fact awake enough to get the ship up off the ground with a single pilot roll this time. Meanwhile, Umbra has disappeared, after sneakily making a few rolls and communicating with the DM behind the scenes--we knew they were up to something because one of her messages that was supposed to be whispered (visible only to him) wasn’t formatted correctly and came up in the public chat. The DM tells us we’re not currently being shot at, but if we want to continue to avoid that we should use the ship’s radar to figure out where the droids are. Taveau is flying and Grif has a better use computer skill, so he goes and does that, leading to this exchange: 

DM: The droid ships are mostly on the dayside of the planet. 

Grif: Taveau, fly into nighttime—

Rralwarr: “Fly into nighttime”??

Grif: Shoosh I’m trying to be useful. Hey, fly to the night side of the planet, there aren’t any separatist ships over there. 

Me, blanking on how to respond and temporarily becoming Travis McElroy (Adventure Zone’s “I do that!” man): Thank you, yep, I do that. 

DM: Meanwhile~.... (rolls a 1d4 and gets a 4) Oh. Well, the little gift that Umbra left you explodes, but she placed it terribly so it falls into an empty cargo hold and does nothing. (He explains that a 1 would have knocked out the main engines, a 2 or 3 would have damaged the shields or other secondary systems, and a 4 avoided real damage entirely.) 

Taveau, only aware that there was just a very sudden, very close explosion: WHAT WAS THAT WHAT JUST HAPPENED 

Rralwarr goes to check and tells Grif what he learned; then Grif has to communicate that to Taveau, who doesn’t understand Shyriiwook (wookiespeak). Grif decides to do this by using the most complicated sentence structure and the most specific jargon he possibly can, resulting in Taveau, who is Literally Too Drunk for This(TM) and just wants to know in words small enough to absorb while drunk driving a spaceship whether the thing he’s in is about to explode, shouting at him: 

Taveau: USE NORMAL WORDS WHAT HAPPENED 

Grif: 

Grif: Bomb in cargo bay. Didn’t damage anything important. 

Taveau: GOOD THANK YOU 

DM, to me: Can you walk Grif and Rralwarr through making a hyperspace jump? (I roll pretty well; Grif and Rralwarr roll to see how well they understand me and Rralwarr does better than Grif.) ...Okay, he explains it very thoroughly, though a bit too fast and with a lot of slurring, so, Grif, you’re still kind of lost. Rralwarr, you get it, so you make the jump. (Another passing roll and a hyperspace jump later): You did it, congratulations. You’ll be in hyperspace for about an hour, if you want to rest. 

H (Rralwarr): Would Han Solo be proud of me? 

DM: I mean, you didn’t do a great job, you’re still a beginner; you just kind of... made it work. So no, Han Solo would not be impressed. 

H: Would Chewbacca be impressed, though? 

DM: Chewbacca was Han Solo’s navigator, he was the one who calculated the jumps to hyperspace for him, remember? So no, Chewbacca would not be impressed. 

Rralwarr: :/

Me: So are you in the copilot seat now? I just kind of silently reach over and fist-bump you after you make the jump.

Rralwarr: :D

Grif goes off to explore the ship, and the DM describes it to him. 

DM: There are 4 cabins each with a small single bed-- 

H (Rralwarr): How small? D: 

DM: ...You might could fit. 

Me, remembering a thought I’d had earlier, about the unlikelihood of Taveau having had a shower anytime recently: Is there a shower? 

DM: There is a small shower, yes. It’s a sonic shower, to conserve water. 

Me: A what now

DM: It’s a type of shower in the Star Wars universe that cleans you without water. 

T (Umbra), snickering from the background:  Clean with the soundwaves. SCARE the germs down the drain. 

DM:  Moving on, there’s a small food prep area, a few weeks’ worth of food, a lot of instant caf, and one bottle... one single bottle... of koati(?) rum. 

Grif: Ooh :D I take the rum and I claim a cabin. 

Rralwarr: I also claim a cabin... Do I fit in the bed? 

DM: Roll an acrobatics check! 

H: WHAT

Me: To see if you can curl up small enough to fit? :D 

H: ..... 

DM: (observes roll) Yep, you fit. Sort of. Your neck might be sore when you get up, but you fit. 

Me: I’m going to take a shower. 

DM: roll dex. 

Me: ...For getting into the shower...? Oh. Oh my gosh you’re right I’m so drunk. Oh no... (nat 20) OH 

DM: OH. OKAY THEN. (thinks for a minute) You get in the shower, you disrobe in the shower and switch it on, and you feel the vibrations from the sonic waves start, and you feel your body start vibrating along with them. And you’re not sure what is happening but you kind of like it. So you keep vibrating for a few minutes and then you’re like, OK, I should probably get out. And you put your clothes back on and get out, and then you realize... you’re not drunk anymore. 

Me: Not even slightly??

DM: Nope. You’re back to normal. 

Me: I’m not even hung over!? 

DM: Nope. You’re still a little tired but you’re OK. 

H (Rralwarr): Hide the rum

DM: are you all resting? Roll to see how much you recover. 

So the session ended with a mysteriously de-drunk-ified Taveau returning to the cockpit and curling up in the pilot’s seat to take a nap while the others rested in their cabins. The strange properties of the vibrating shower will mystify him for days to come, but in a place where people throw rocks with their minds and giant slugs run crime rings, it’s honestly not all that strange, and he’s able to shrug it off as just another weird quirk of the universe and go to sleep. 

I wonder what he dreams of. 

[Episode 1]

[Episode 3]

[chroma-asks]

The Sensory

Name: Chara (kah-rah)

Pronouns: they/them

Age: 10 years

Birthday: (Scorpio)

Species: human

Source(if any): Undertale

Family: Asgore,Toriel, and Asriel Dreemurr(adopted family)[not in system], Zero(surrogate mother)

Likes: cinnamon, hot cocoa, knives, adrenaline, fighting

Dislikes: losing, feeling weak, being underestimated, other humans, milk

Name: Damon (day-mun)

Pronouns: he/him

Age: ???

Birthday: August 15th (Leo)

Species: deep-sea siren

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Draco(son...? Technically...?)

Likes: water, singing, fun, swimming, love, goofing off, jokes, cooking, baking, playing with the kids, music

Dislikes: leaving people behind, silence, being bored, negativity

Name: Draco (dray-co)

Pronouns: he/him

Age: ???

Birthday: March 23rd (Aries)

Species: Dragon

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Emerie(wife), Leviathan(son), Damon(technical father), Salem(technical mother), Zero(surrogate mother)

Likes: storms, flying, his family, jewels, gold, meat, caves, solitude, Zero, sleeping

Dislikes: fruit, annoyances, invasion of privacy, socks(FOR WHATEVER REASON), being woken up

Name: Emerie (eh-mer-ree)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: ???

Birthday: December 20th (Sagittarius) 

Species: Hydra

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Draco(husband), Leviathan(son)

Likes: fashion, sewing, love, her family, water, flowers, gardening

Dislikes: bigotry, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, really any kind of discrimination that harms and degrades others

Name: Glitch

Pronouns: they/them

Age: 6

Birthday: (Aries)

Species: Unknown

Source: n/a

Family: Zero(surrogate mother), Aurora(actual mother)[Standby]

Likes: playing, learning new things, friends

Dislikes: feeling hated, hurting others

Name: Gwenevere (gweh-neh-veer)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: ???

Birthday: (Virgo)

Species: arachne

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Freya(technical mother)

Likes: Octopi, knitting, sewing, fighting, hunting, teasing people she thinks are cute, helping out with cooking by cutting things

Dislikes: molting, when her fuzz is dirty, loose threads

Name: Jelose (jel-ohss)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: ???

Birthday: (Leo)

Species: shoggoth

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Gnideria(older sister)[Standby], Zero(surrogate mother)

Likes: hugs, candy, slime, water, dark places, mud, playing, friends, kids

Dislikes: negative emotions, being alone, being feared, being poked in the eyes

Name: Kai (rhymes with pie)

Pronouns: he/him

Age: ???

Birthday: September 2nd (Virgo)

Species: Cerberus

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Weiss(technical mother)

Likes: sweets, screamo music, the shadows

Dislikes: bitter food, bright lights

Name: Karma 

Pronouns: he/him

Age: ???

Birthday: December 3rd (Sagittarius)

Species: Ghoul

Source(if any): n/a

Family: n/a

Likes: puns, cooking, baking

Dislikes: things getting stuck between his bones

Name: Koishi (koh-ee-shee)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: ???

Birthday: (Sagittarius)

Species: satori

Source(if any): Touhou

Family: Satori(older sister), Zero(surrogate mother)

Likes: friends, playing, exploring, making friends in general, roses, animals, tea, coffee, gifts, being remembered, her sister

Dislikes: being shunned, staying in one place for too long, numbness

Name: Lavender Pearl

Pronouns: she/her

Age: ???

Birthday: (Cancer)

Species: gem

Source(if any): Steven Universe(non-canon)

Family: n/a

Likes: dancing, cleaning, water fountains, music

Dislikes: being yelled at, feeling worthless

Name: Leviathan (leh-vai-ah-than)

Pronouns: he/him

Age: 5 in dragon years

Birthday: February 16th (Aquarius)

Species: water dragon

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Emerie(mother), Draco(father)

Likes: water, bugs, fish, watching science videos about nature, playing with the other littles, the beach, Zero, exploring

Dislikes: wearing shoes

Name: Lexa Fae (lex-ah-fay)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: ???

Birthday: (Aquarius)

Species: faerie

Source(if any): n/a

Family: n/a

Likes: flowers, forests, mushrooms, butterflies, moths, being pampered, milk, pastries, alcohol, baths, scented lotions

Dislikes: disrespect, being insulted, unkempt hair, dry skin

Name: Mina (mee-nah)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: Unknown

Birthday: 

Species: Monster of some kind

Source: n/a

Family: n/a

Likes: shopping, cute things, fashion

Dislikes: eating

Name: Morgana (mor-gah-nah)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: ???

Birthday: (Virgo)

Species: dullahan

Source(if any): n/a

Family: n/a

Likes: witchcraft, moonlight, night flying, researching physics and magic, candles

Dislikes: impatience, not having the freedom to practice her craft

Name: Naraku (nah-rah-koo)

Pronouns: he/him

Age: somewhere around 70 if you include his human years

Birthday: Literally No One Knows

Species: half-demon

Source(if any): Inuyasha

Family: Aurora(in-system incarnation)[Standby]

Likes: literally any kind of drama, strategy games, Weiss

Dislikes: his human side, losing

Name: Paka (pah-kah)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: over 10,000

Birthday: (Gemini)

Species: phoenix hybrid

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Weiss(technical mother)

Likes: food, cats, beanies, big jackets

Dislikes: dying

Name: Polaris

Pronouns: she/her

Age: 6

Birthday:

Species: Princess-class Battleship

Source(if any): Kantai Collection

Family: 25 older sisters(all of which are in the Secondary Branch), Zero(surrogate mother)

Likes: french fries, the beach, playing, wearing big shirts like dresses, playing with people’s hair, carnivals, piggyback rides from literally anyone who can carry her without dying(she is MUCH heavier than she looks), boats, skating, lighthouses

Dislikes: sinking in water, being alone

Name: Salem (say-lehm)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: over 5000

Birthday: November 13th (Scorpio)

Species: oni 

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Zero(younger sister), Draco(technical son)

Likes: dolls, gothic lolita fashion, solitude, dark places

Dislikes: humans, romance, being caged, being told what to do, Chroma’s family

Name:Sasha

Pronouns: she/her

Age: 6

Birthday: 

Species: chimera, probably??

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Zero(surrogate mother)

Likes: crackers(the sweet kind)

Dislikes:

Name: Shrii (shree)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: permanently 7

Birthday: (Leo)

Species: ghost

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Zero(surrogate mother)

Likes: small fluffy animals, stuffed animals, pjs, blue raspberry icees, juice, her friends, Blueberry(her stuffed bunny), disney movies, studio ghibli, naps

Dislikes: clowns(terrified, yet she seems to handle LJ somehow), the dark, loud noises, scary movies, darkness

Name: Terezi (teh-reh-zee)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: 16

Birthday: (Libra)

Species: troll

Source(if any): Homestuck

Family: Zero(surrogate mother)

Likes: drawing, coloring, watching FNAF playthroughs while eating Mac n Cheese, candy(cherry-flavored ones are her favorite), justice, her friends

Dislikes: memories of abuse, clowns(laughing jack is an exception)

Name: Torture

Pronouns: he/him

Age: somewhere around 670-680

Birthday: June 30th (Cancer)

Species: undead

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Weiss(technical mother)

Likes: hospitals, experimenting with chemicals and cells, mint, ice cream, cold, tormenting Weiss

Dislikes: his past(has PTSD), slavery, his inability to grow, not being able to sleep(though he’s used to it now)

Name: Umbra

Pronouns: he/him

Age: 4

Birthday: 

Species: werebat

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Zero(surrogate mother)

Likes: Veirus, fruit, playing games

Dislikes: being the seeker in hide-and-seek(he finds everyone too easily with sonar), flashlights

Name: Vague

Pronouns: he/him or xe/xir

Age: ???

Birthday: (Scorpio)

Species: void angel(but actually he’s basically a god)

Source(if any): The World Ends With You (surprise, he’s Joshua in disguise, the Bastard)

Family: n/a

Likes: space, city nightlife, his room, fixing things, Chroma

Dislikes: losing

Name: Weiss (rhymes with ice)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: uhhh if I go by outer world years I’m like almost 12 bruh (good thing I don’t). I’m basically ageless in here

Birthday: June 29th (Cancer)

Species: glacie

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Kai, Sato, Same, Torture, Tyfia, Paka, Zetsumei, Tripp(technical children), Freya(technical mother)

Likes: snow(obviously), drawing, singing, video games, fictional things, socks(ironically), food, space, tiny replicas of things that aren’t usually tiny

Dislikes: bugs(more of a fear, but I’m working on soothing that), abusive people, loud noises/yelling(trigger), hot temperatures, humidity, needles, surgery, eye gore, pain, mint, coconuts

Name: Yulie (yoo-lee)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: “somewhere over 100, I lost count”

Birthday: February 22nd (Pisces)

Species: werewolf/succubus hybrid

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Casimir(father), Marie(mother)[deceased], Freya(grandmother), Killer(great-grandfather)[not in the system]

Likes: romance movies, fanfiction, matchmaking, wolves, the moon, night flights, valentines day candies, cakes, science, philosophy, writing

Dislikes: really anything morally wrong relationship-wise, ageplay, hate, swearing(doesn’t mind if others do, though)

Name: Zero

Pronouns: she/her

Age: over 5000

Birthday: January 3rd (Capricorn)

Species: oni

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Salem(older sister), surrogate mom to basically everyone in the system

Likes: kids, fighting, alcohol, sunlight, human history

Dislikes: child predators(more like a seething hatred), people bad-mouthing literally anyone she’s adopted

Name: Zetsumei (zeh-tsoo-may)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: ???

Birthday: February 15th (Aquarius) 

Species: death scythe/shapeshifter

Source(if any): n/a

Family: Weiss(technical mother)

Likes: Halloween, bugs, weaponry, horror movies/games, haunted houses, really anything considered weird or spooky, sour candy

Dislikes: ?????