#un fiancéd

[neoglowratz]

this year was just nto the year for love for us i dont think.

we started off by getting broken up with by our longterm (four year) partner

then ghosted by our other partner

then was pulled along by a friend who almost seemed to like us

and now weve been broken up with by our year long partner

im kind of just unfeeling about it now, like ive gone through so much outside the realm of love recently and this breakup is just sort of an addition to the growing pile of things i have to eventually deal with. it does help a bit that we have so many friends that we just didnt really talk to much anymore because we didnt see the need to. we saw our future in black and white. wed get through college, get married, move in together, and grow old. i didnt see the need to have any friends included in that outside of my partner’s friends. but now im kind of realizing that that was just the black and white thinking of my autism, i still am human, i still need friends, and now that im losing several because its very likely they wont talk to me anymore now that our fiancé broke it off, i need them more than ever. and so i messaged a few of my older ones, ones that i havent talked to in months, ones that before my fiancé i thought of as my closest most reliable friends and it really cheered me up. hearing them call me bestie and go crazy as i told them whats happened, about me graduating, about me getting a job, about me going to college, and about me getting my diagnosises. and it really made me realize that if someone isnt willing to put in effort to help a relationship grow properly then i shouldnt be expected to either. i guess my fiancé was right about that part, i did put a lot of effort into our relationship and they didnt. i wish they had so we couldve avoided this mess but truly im almost glad now because i would have missed out on realizing that so many people care about me and really would hate it if i just disappeared off the earth. like all these people would miss me so dearly and thats helping me really think through so many of my issues right not. a lot of my stress related to thinking i wasnt good enough or that i wasnt trying to be what they wanted me to be is just sort of gone because these people are my people and they know me for me. these people ive started talking to again have known me for almost as long as the system was known. and im glad to see that i dont have to hide certain parts of myself or pretend to be someone else around them. -sully

{disclaimer: if my ex sees this, this isnt meant as something negative towards you, you tried your hardest and well always love you for that, im sorry it came to this and we really would love to at elast still be friends. this post is just us having the realization that we arent alone and were allowed to have friends outside of you and your friends}