#unalleviation

[quotation--marks]

I was beginning to relent towards my wretched partner - to pity his forlorn, comfortless condition, unalleviated as it is by the consolations of intellectual resources and the answer of a good conscience towards God - and to think I ought to sacrifice my pride, and renew my efforts once again to make his home agreeable and lead him back to the path of virtue; not by false professions of love, and not by pretended remorse, but by mitigating my habitual coldness of manner, and commuting my frigid civility into kindness wherever an opportunity occurred; and not only was I beginning to think so, but I had already begun to act upon the thought - and what was the result? No answering spark of kindness - no awakening penitence, but an unappeasable ill-humour and a spirit of tyrannous exaction that increased with indulgence, and a lurking gleam of self-complacent triumph, at every detection of relenting softness in my manner, that congealed me to marble again as often as it recurred; and this morning he finished the business: - I think the petrifaction is so completely effected at last, that nothing can melt me again. 

Anne Brontë, The Tenant of Wildfell Hall

[accesscounselling]

6 Warning Signs Your Therapist in Dublin Might Not Be a Good Fit

You’ve taken a courageous step towards managing your mental health by starting therapy. To thrive on this journey, a strong partnership with the right therapist in Dublin is crucial. They should be skilled and able to cater to your specific needs.

Dublin offers a vast pool of counsellors specialising in depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. However, finding the perfect fit can be a challenge.  If you ever feel your current therapist isn’t meeting your expectations, don’t worry – it’s not uncommon! What’s important is that you recognise the mismatch early and take proper action.

In this blog, we’ll explore the key signs that might indicate it’s time to reconsider your choice and find a counsellor in Dublin who is better suited to assist you in coping and overcoming your mental challenges.

Why Having a Good Therapist-Client Relationship Matters

The bond between you and your counsellor is the cornerstone of successful therapy. This unique alliance is built on trust, mutual respect, and understanding.

This relationship is not merely a professional agreement but a collaborative effort where you and the therapist work hand in hand. You get to voice your most profound concerns and fears in a safe space while your therapist listens, empathises, and guides you towards solutions or a clearer understanding of your feelings.

When both parties are in sync, it results in a therapeutic alliance, a key predictor of successful therapy outcomes. Studies show that when this therapeutic alliance is strong, the path to mental well-being becomes clearer and progress feels attainable.

However, it’s important to remember that not every therapist-client pairing is a perfect match. So, finding the right fit is crucial. If you don’t feel comfortable or a sense of progress isn’t evident, acknowledging this is the first step towards finding a more effective therapeutic relationship and, ultimately, achieving better mental health.

6 Signs You Are Working With the Wrong Therapist in Dublin

While every therapeutic relationship is unique and develops over time, there are some common signs that might indicate your current counsellor isn’t the best fit for you. It’s crucial to remain vigilant about these indicators, as the effectiveness of your therapy heavily relies on a genuine connection and understanding between you and your counsellor. Moreover, recognising these signs early can prevent you from investing time in a therapeutic process that may not yield the desired outcomes.

Warning Sign 1: Lack of Progress

Feeling stagnant after months of therapy? It’s essential to assess the evolution of your mental health since the sessions began. While not every session will lead to a breakthrough, there should be a perceptible path of progress.

If your goals remain unmet and your distress unalleviated, it could be time to reflect on the effectiveness of your current therapy. A prolonged lack of progress might indicate a mismatch in therapeutic techniques or an absence of rapport.

Warning Sign 2: Discomfort in Sharing

Being able to communicate openly with your counsellor is imperative. If you sense hesitation in sharing your thoughts or censoring your feelings, it may signify that the sense of safety and confidentiality characterising these sessions is compromised. Counselling demands vulnerability. Without the ability to be transparent, it can be rendered ineffectual.

Not being able to share freely may also suggest that your therapist might not be fully understanding or empathetic to your personal experiences. Similarly, if you feel judged or unnecessarily criticised, it adversely affects the therapeutic relationship. In essence, your comfort in expressing yourself is integral to the therapeutic process.

Warning Sign 3: Boundary Issues

Therapy is built upon professional boundaries that ensure a safe and appropriate relationship. If your therapist is either too distant or oversteps boundaries by sharing personal information or displaying unprofessional behaviour, this is cause for concern. A balanced approach that respects both personal space and professional intimacy is crucial for effective therapy.

Important to note – boundaries also extend to punctuality. Therapists who frequently run late or cancel may indicate a lack of respect for your time. Furthermore, if boundaries in communication, such as inappropriate texts or calls, are not maintained, this could also jeopardise the therapeutic process.

Warning Sign 4: Misaligned Treatment Methods

Effective therapy is a collaborative process. Your therapist’s approach should resonate with your preferences and therapeutic needs. Perhaps you find cognitive behavioural techniques (CBT) more beneficial than psychoanalytic approaches.  If the treatment methods make you uncomfortable or seem mismatched to your issues, raise these concerns. Remember, therapy is not one-size-fits-all, and your treatment plan should be tailored to suit you.

Also, the ultimate goal of therapy is your growth and recovery. So, you should not only understand the therapy process but also feel included in the decision-making stages. This means having room for discussions about treatment adjustments as needed. Failure to find a rhythm or synergy in your therapist’s treatment modality could indicate an unfit therapeutic relationship.

Warning Sign 5: Encouraging Dependency

Good therapy empowers you to cope with your issues and fosters independence. While ongoing support can be valuable, if your counsellor doesn’t discuss strategies for self-management or your progress towards increased independence, it’s a cause for concern.

This scenario may indicate a departure from therapy’s primary goal of enabling you to manage life’s challenges on your own. Additionally, a healthy therapeutic relationship should support your journey towards self-sufficiency rather than create a perpetual reliance on the therapist’s intervention.

Warning Sign 6: Not Receptive to Feedback and Questions

A professional therapist welcomes questions about your therapy and is open to discussing your progress. If they react defensively or become angry when you express concerns about your treatment or ask for a second opinion, this can be a concern.

It is crucial that you feel comfortable and secure in your ability to communicate openly and receive honest feedback. A therapist’s unprofessional response to inquiry could hinder the development of trust and negatively impact the therapeutic alliance central to successful outcomes.

What to Do If Your Therapist in Dublin Isn’t a Good Fit

Recognising these warning signs is vital, but your next steps are even more crucial. However, navigating the situation requires thoughtful action. Here’s a breakdown of what you can do:

Addressing Concerns

Open Communication

Begin with an open and honest conversation with your counsellor. A good therapist will appreciate your candour and may be able to adjust their methods to suit you better. Whether it’s a particular technique that isn’t resonating with you or the pace of progression, these discussions can shed light on both parties’ expectations and the course of your therapy.

Seeking Adjustments

Request modifications to your therapy plan. This might mean changing the frequency of your sessions, trying different approaches within the therapeutic framework, or addressing new areas of concern. Counsellors are trained professionals meant to work collaboratively with you, and they can often offer alternatives that might be more effective.

Ending Therapy Safely

Making the Decision

If open discussions don’t result in improvements or you still feel that the fit isn’t right, it’s okay to trust your instincts. Your mental health is a priority, and it’s vital to have a therapeutic relationship that is both supportive and effective.

Transitioning Care

When you decide to seek a new therapist, approach the transition professionally and respectfully. It’s important to ensure that the conclusion of your current therapy does not leave any gaps in your mental health support. You can ask for referrals or for your current counsellor to collaborate on a handover to your new therapist, ensuring a continuity of care.

Focusing on Positive Outcomes

Understand that ending a therapeutic relationship is a step in the right direction, not a setback. It takes courage to advocate for your needs and seek out a counsellor who can offer the support you require. This decision exemplifies strength and determination in pursuing the best possible outcomes for your mental health journey.

In summary, it is important to keep in mind that working with the right therapist in Dublin is paramount to effectively navigating the mental challenges you face. So, don’t be deterred by the prospect of starting anew with someone else.

A fresh start can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth and healing. Remember, a mismatch can occur for various reasons and does not negatively reflect on your commitment to your mental health or on the skills of the therapist. It’s about finding the right fit—someone who can provide the support structure that best resonates with you and assists you in flourishing.

Are you seeking a therapist in Dublin who truly understands and aligns with your needs? Call us today on 015240708 or click here today to discover a compassionate and tailored approach to your mental health journey! We offer professional expertise, a supportive environment, and a commitment to empowering you every step of the way.

[samantekevaa86]

tuesday, (the magic doesn't want to end)

the unalleviated dreams my father sending me money to help my move then falling asleep among a few berry bushes it was a heart attack, few weeks later until few years come together. eternities are always the personal somewhere in all that entanglement of purpose and non-purpose he's still asleep for me, waiting as he was just an ordinary person but his face and voice haunt me, coming up, from the root and sand coming up as all these questions and a few uneasy answers where i am weighing the paradoxes i am running with the weight of dreams on a lake-side flow of ice, rain all blowing halting in nordic winter everything seems embraced by paradox what else is the summer for winter or sensation of grief for happiness i absorb my healthiest nutrient as awkwardly as i water my orchid come here from a million miles away do we ever think how far we end up going? did my father know he'd be a forest which looms in my every published leaf and did I know that hearts are this shallow out of a sort of necessity; illusionary, almost, when it comes to talking about reality of love the ideas of bodies, lost, as forevers where no court or guilt or shame says: rest but unmitigated, the summer brings return and I wake up in my own consciousness, consciousness of sweat and tear, come up, risen from a towing of ships in emotion tugging heavy-steel cargo, glimmers of words unsaid, that mystery of a person whom i'll never know perfect enough I make of it already in the morning shower let water be water, let depth touch surfaces, never knowing all of this forgiving nature why it came to us to walk this non-enduring unity of a few words spoken, a gathering around one kitchen table and a candle I let light light itself up from the flame let what is inside be even another intersection loss means losing a meaning of wrong, decorate a tree, this assembly, almost touching a sky, as companion in farewell to childhood. the gloom is not hollow. stars glow, at each other.

[notthatitreallymatters]

The Mission was a small oasis in the heart of an expanse of voluptuous vegetation writhing and twisting from the banks of the river to the feet of the monumental geologic towers that rose toward the firmament like one of God's mistakes. There time is bent and distances deceive the human eye, persuading the traveler to wander in circles. The humid, heavy air smells of flowers, herbs, man's sweat, and animal breath. The heat is oppressive, unalleviated by any breeze; the stones steam and blood boils in the veins.

Eva Luna - Isabel Allende

[david-watts]

I think things are getting worse lmao

[grandhotelabyss]

As a companion to my prospective book announced here, From “Black Lives Matter” to “Most Non-Europeans Aren’t Human”: The Peregrinations of Liberalism, 2020-2022, I now also plan to write From Anti-Natalism to Suicide Advocacy: The Peregrinations of Leftism, 2020-2022.

I joke, and I make no apology for joking, because it’s important to joke. It’s one of the things that will keep you from killing yourself. What is suicide but the ultimate form of taking oneself too seriously? 

The specific political motive in this case, as endorsed by our psychoanalytic intellectual above, last seen here at Grand Hotel Abyss diagnosing half of America as psycho-fascists, requires more specific scrutiny, however. Buddhism, I think, is a red herring, especially since people in the comments are observing that western or American Buddhism lends itself to a nihilism not present in traditionally Buddhist cultures, about which I’ll take them at their word. I suspect we’re dealing with a different spiritual pathology, expressed in its highest literary register here:

There is nothing innocuous left. The little pleasures, expressions of life that seemed exempt from the responsibility of thought, not only have an element of defiant silliness, of callous refusal to see, but directly serve their diametrical opposite. Even the blossoming tree lies the moment its bloom is seen without the shadow of terror; even the innocent ‘How lovely!’ becomes an excuse for an existence outrageously unlovely, and there is no longer beauty or consolation except in the gaze falling on horror, withstanding it, and in unalleviated consciousness of negativity holding fast to the possibility of what is better. Mistrust is called for in face of all spontaneity, impetuosity, all letting oneself go, for it implies pliancy towards the superior might of the existent.

There is a truth in this perception, grief’s insight into the evanescent triviality of the pleasures taken by those who have lost nothing—or, worse, who have been callous enough to recover from their losses. Certainly, this is as valid as any true mood, any aesthetic. 

But a political movement based on such aesthetics, such affects, and on the spurious self-congratulation of experiencing-unto-suicide griefs that are finally not one’s own, is without ethical legitimacy. There is more genuine morality in the basic selfishness of tending one’s own garden—the whole world would be in flower if everyone did that—than in the grotesquely tumescent englobalizing compassion of this post-political aesthetic left. “Com-passion” literally means “suffering with,” a virtue when limited to an actionable range, but now extended beyond human endurance by a media apparatus that makes the far distant feel nearer at hand than your own life—because, through the medium of your phone, the far distant is physically in your hand. 

Public suicide—the literally spectacular divestiture of one’s own power—is a perverse but logical conclusion of this left that refuses to own up to the power it actually exercises as it dictates expertise to authoritative institutions themselves more and more devoted to abolishing the merely human (“all spontaneity, impetuosity, all letting oneself go”), though it’s admittedly much less common and less commonly encouraged than other forms of totally annihilating the corrupt nature in one’s self:

I saw myself as a being of water and light, an angel imprisoned in a filthy human body. I resented having to eat, sleep, piss, and shit. I particularly hated having sexual desires and wanted to be rid of them.

To maintain one’s own expert standing, one must pledge fealty to this left, which has monopolized accreditation. It used to be that if one were shrewd enough, one could do this without too severely compromising any rival loyalties—to the liveliness, say, of art or nature, or to a metaphysics not consecrated to the revolutionary pessimism that has afflicted the left since the industrial proletariat failed to bring about the promised Millennium. But if it becomes an open cult of death? If it instructs its pilgrims to immolate themselves publicly—or at least fails to instruct them not to, while seeming to regard it as a worthy but extreme way to act on an accurate perception of reality—is one still a “fascist” if one raises one’s hand to object?

Further reading for anyone having doubts and second thoughts: my essay on Camus’s The Rebel, my short story “White Girl,” my novel Portraits and Ashes.

[freddyfreebat]

Jack Dylan Grazer Discovers Who He Is in Luca Guadagnino's “We Are Who We Are”

After supporting roles in the It and Shazam!, the young actor shifts gears with his turn as a capricious army brat in the Call Me By Your Name director's new HBO series.

by Iana Murray / Photography by Nik Antonio  —  September 14, 2020

A few years ago, Jack Dylan Grazer took a trip to the movie theater. He was in Toronto and it was one of his days off from filming Shazam!, the DC comedy in which he plays the shape-shifting hero’s foster brother. He decided to watch Call Me By Your Name, and he immediately fell for it. Grazer took note of the director’s name that appeared in the credits—Luca Guadagnino—and turned to his mother.

“I want to work with him,” he told her. With eerie prescience, she assured him: “You will.”

Whether Grazer, now 17, has a knack for manifestation, or it was all just happenstance, his wish came true in the form of We Are Who We Are, Guadagnino’s coming of age drama which follows a group of army brats living on an American military base in Italy. Thematically, the show is something of a spiritual successor to Call Me By Your Name: Grazer plays Fraser, a tempestuous 14-year-old with a pair of headphones constantly plugged in his ears. He’s the new arrival at the base with his mothers (Chloë Sevigny and Alice Braga), and quickly forms a deep bond with his neighbour, Caitlin (Jordan Kristine Seamon), as they both wrestle with their sexuality and identity in the midst of domestic troubles and teenage debauchery.

“He’s an enigma to himself,” Grazer says of his character. “He doesn’t really understand a lot of the things he does but he’s so forthright so he convinces himself that he knows everything. He feels like other people don’t deserve his intelligence. But he’s also very volatile and aggressive at times, and not because he’s coming from an angry place but because he’s constantly questioning who he is.”

If Fraser is just beginning his coming of age when we first meet him, Grazer is inching closer to the end. Starring in enormous blockbusters including IT, he became the Loser Club’s resident hypochondriac at age 12 and a superhero’s sidekick by 15. His films have grossed a combined total of over $1.5 billion. Suddenly the stakes are multiplied tenfold during what are ostensibly, and horrifyingly, the most awkward years of your life. Every misstep is now being monitored, examined through a microscope of millions. (See: His 3.8 million fans on Instagram, to say nothing of the countless stan accounts.) Child fame is a disarming transaction like that: a stable career and all the other perks of being a celebrity, but at the cost of normalcy. That unalleviating pressure forces a kid to mature fast.

Grazer is acutely aware of this fact, admitting outright that he’s “not a normal person.” But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I became 70 when I was 7!” he laughs. “I don’t know if I really had much of a childhood. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to grow up really fast.”

Nevertheless, he’s still 17. When we meet over Zoom, his shoulder length curls are damp and disheveled (he just got out of the shower), his black painted fingernails contrast with his brightly-lit, white bedroom as he rests his face on his hand. It’s a Saturday morning and he looks tired: It’s his first week back at school, which has traded classrooms for hours of video calls reminiscent of the one we’re currently on. “It feels like the days are shorter because the teachers don’t want to torture their students by keeping them on a computer for six hours a day,” he tells me. “You do miss the social aspect of being at school.”

If you were to judge Grazer by what’s out there on the internet, you’d expect an anarchic and relentless bundle of energy. A quick YouTube search brings up results like “jack dylan grazer being a drama queen” and “jack dylan grazer being chaotic in interviews for 4 and a half minutes straight.” He trolled a YouTube gamer on Instagram Live. His TikToks are inscrutable.

But here, he’s incredibly earnest, as he excitedly talks about his skateboarding hobby (a skill he picked up after auditioning for Mid90s) and his attempts to learn the flute (“I need to learn how to read sheet music, but it’s like reading Hebrew!”). He’s calm and thoughtful, as if this project we’re discussing requires a shift in sensibility.

For Grazer, acting had always simply been fun. While other kids might take up a sport or get hooked on video games, he performed in musical theater with the Adderley School because he “just wanted to play.” His roles so far have been reflective of his carefree approach to the job: Up until now, he’s portrayed best friends with biting one-liners, or the younger version of the protagonist in a flashback. IT is a prime example of both. In the horror franchise, Grazer plays a neurotic germaphobe running from a fear-eating clown, but in reality, the film felt like “summer camp.” Both films never felt like work; he just learned his lines and got to hang out on extravagant sets with his best friends. Likewise, school amounted to being pulled off set by a teacher in between takes to cram in the mandatory hours.

But with We Are Who We Are, he steps into his first leading role, one that required him to convey longing and confusion through Elio-like physicality and subtext. It’s abnormal to talk about the show as a turning point for an actor who isn’t even a legal adult yet, but Grazer explains that the show required him to radically change his approach to acting. He spent six months in Italy (“It felt like I was in Call Me By Your Name.”) and built up the character beyond what was on the page in collaboration with Guadagnino. “His philosophy is that we know our characters better than anyone else—even the writers—because we are the characters essentially,” he explains.

In many ways, Grazer absorbed that philosophy entirely. He describes the experience less as a performance and more like a “rebirth”—perhaps even an attempt at method acting. Over those months in Italy, the distinctions between actor and character gradually became indistinguishable. “I had no other choice but to act and surrender to Fraser entirely and throw Jack Dylan Grazer out the window,” he says. “I would go out and get a coffee as Fraser and walk like Fraser. That was just me trying to get into [character], but then I slipped at some point and just became Fraser.”

One day on set, he looked at himself in the mirror, and the hardened kid standing there with a bleach-blond dye job and oversized shorts was unrecognizable to him. He could only see Fraser. While talking about his character, he seems to unintentionally switch pronouns, from “he” to “I”, as if the two still remain one and the same.

The process was so transformative that it forced him to re-evaluate himself entirely. “I never really struggled with identity before,” Grazer tells me. “But I think the show opened up my eyes to question myself. Being Fraser forced me to question what I wanted and what I stood for and what I believed in. At some points, the show bled into reality.”

When asked how he has changed, he takes a pause and a pensive swivel in his armchair, unsure of how to answer. “I think I was more ignorant before I did the show,” he says, and he leaves it at that.

Coming of agers are a particularly well-trodden genre, but there’s a naturalistic, raw energy to We Are Who We Are that is distinctive from what we’ve seen before. Each character quietly struggles with their own problems and growing pains—for Fraser, it’s his sexuality. Caught in a fraught relationship with his lesbian mother and an infatuation with another man, his story doesn’t tick off the familiar beats. His personal discovery is instead internal and intimate. "I think every single person born as a boy has this guard. It’s this guard that they don’t even realize they have, where they’re initially like, ‘Being gay? I could never.’ But we’re all born as humans who are attracted to whatever we’re attracted to," he says. "I think that’s how Fraser interprets it as well. Yes, he’s reserved and nervous about it in the beginning because he’s unlocking this new idea for himself. He’s figuring it out, and that’s what you see in the show: him coming to terms with this idea."

As our conversation winds to a close, I ask him if Martin Scorsese ever visited the set—his daughter, Francesca, plays the confident cool girl of the show’s teen cohort—and his eyes widen. “That was actually a really stressful day,” he divulges. Still, he revels in the memory, speaking so fast it’s like someone has put him on 2.5x speed as he shows off his impersonation of Guadagnino. The director was so nervous about Scorsese’s presence that production halted that day.

“Luca was like, ‘I cannot do this today because Martin Scorsese is on my set. I don’t know what to do, this is not good for me. I will have a panic attack before the day ends,’” Grazer says in his best Italian accent. “It’s like if you’re a painter and Van Gogh shows up.” 

Admittedly, Grazer is also a self-proclaimed superfan of the Wolf of Wall Street director, and afterwards, he got to spend several days with his idol, as they went on lavish restaurant outings in Italy and talked about anything and everything.

He takes a second to compose himself. A giddy, Cheshire cat smile spreads across his face. The kid in him comes flooding back.

“...Oh my god!” he yells. “I met Martin Scorsese!”

[shamemp3]

“I came to this country as an aspiring immunologist. I had chosen the field—if one does not count the practical motives of wanting a reason to leave China and of having a skill to make a living—because I had liked the working concept of the immune system. Its job is to detect and attack nonself; it has memories, some as long lasting as life; its memories can go awry selectively, or, worse, indiscriminately, leading the system to mistake self as foreign, as something to eliminate. The word immune (from the Latin immunis, in- + munia, services, obligations) is among my favorites in the English language, the possession of immunity—to illnesses, to follies, to love and loneliness and troubling thoughts and unalleviated pains—a trait that I have desired for my characters and myself, knowing all the while the futility of such a wish. Only the lifeless can be immune to life.”

—Yiyun Li, Dear Friend, from My Life I Write to You in Your Life

[myersbprd]

@spiiinninginfinity​ said: "Took ya long enough, kid," he snickers, unlit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. Ilya was deep in the sewers beneath the city, dragged off by cultists who saw him as a promising hostage to lure Hellboy into their lair. Ilya had put up quite the fight, but he didn't expect for the cultists to have a fucking werewolf who nearly tore his arm off. It lay limp by his side, silver dagger embedded in the wolf's jugular. "You missed the party, John," // let's get some angst started :))

Relief, vexation, and unalleviated trepidation all war with John as he quickly closes the remaining distance between he and Tarasov. Kneeling beside his fellow agent, he merely shakes his head for a moment, his eyes assessing the injured arm, which currently looks as though it would be more at home on a lifeless ragdoll than on a human being. He can’t quite find it within himself to proffer a witty rejoinder in response to Tarasov’s; his mind is elsewhere.

“You made me worry,” John murmurs, though his fear hasn’t lifted in full. After all, Tarasov’s arm looks bad, and too much blood has surely been lost already. “We should’ve stuck together, instead of you running off.” In the midst of their chaotic surroundings, he had lost sight of Tarasov before he’d even had time to register that the other man was no longer by his side. Then, he speaks into his comm, alerting the others that aid’s required as swiftly as it can possible be dispatched. 

As tempting as it is to continue on his current ‘ train of thought, ’ John’s concern for Tarasov easily wins out as more important. “Can you feel your arm?” Both potential answers carry negative connotations: if yes, then Tarasov must be in a significant amount of pain, and if no, then something is even more wrong than it appears. He can’t help but to rest one of his hands atop the uninjured shoulder as he speaks, still basking for a brief moment in the knowledge that his friend is alive. “Once I know that, I can take care of it until help gets here.”

[sasorikigai]

"Puppet." :)

gets decapitated

GIVE  MY  MUSE  A  NICKNAME  /  PET  NAME. || @venefikus || accepting

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ 🔥 || No infernal fire could extinguish Scorpion’s wounded rage; having been played like a sacrificial pawn in the grandeur scheme of Quan Chi’s sick game, as Shang Tsung and Quan Chi toyed with Earthrealm’s usurpation, as destruction blazed its fiery flames of a wildfire through its warriors as well, rendering them macerated beneath mangled marrow and bone. Once steady bonfire of Hanzo Hasashi’s magnanimous heart had been manipulated and distorted, to have only sought to become the weapon of wild chaotic dance, in which Scorpion thrusted himself into. The undrainable adrenaline flowed like the wreathing firestorm, and the former Netherrealm’s Enforcer did command it. 

Lest now, the blades he challenged had long pierced through the sorcerer’s shoulders, as he sought to drain Quan Chi of scarlet and fire. As Hanzo Hasashi once sprawled helplessly beneath Bi-Han’s jagged glacier that would suffocate his life naught. What was Scorpion made of, but of hunger, guilt, and rage? There was no sun for centuries’ of torment and agony, as gray skies of his mindscape only gave its way to black. The proverbial light long been taken away from him. He didn’t even get the satisfaction of rain to drown his inconsolable and unalleviated sorrow here. Decades and centuries faded away, monotonous bloodthirsty vengeance and wrath was the way he lived, as monstrous veins no longer bleed like mortal warrior ever could. He may have conquered death, but the gnawing vicious curse of his hellfire would continue to leave him battered and wrecked, lest he long mastered and flawlessly commanded it. 

The persistent wound had begotten silence, which also had begotten rage towards Quan Chi. For Scorpion’s eyes had long been opened, and as iridescent glow of his white eyes sharpen and harden like polished diamonds, they narrow like glinting blades; poised to kill, Medusa’s glare honed to perfection. “Burn, fool,” beneath the etched crevasse of his afflicted blemishes and wounds, his skin long been gnarled, twisted, tangled beneath the onslaught of hellfire as he resiliently endured, there lies a flaming skull; erupting with unceasing inferno engulfing the entirety of his orifices. 

All Hanzo Hasashi ever wanted was to bleed kisses like sunshine and bleed affection as he would manifest purest, dedicated love. He wishes to exude rays of love from his pores the way plants exhale oxygen. Bleeding is for the wounded, and Scorpion still wishes to be a star and shine brilliantly and brightly, burning ablaze in shining hopes and dreams. And it would all begin as clasped fingers around Quan Chi’s neck would tear apart, as wreathing tendrils of his fire would devour and immolate the sorcerer from deep within. “Scatter and disintegrate, Netherrealm’s most wretched and abominable creatures can have your blackened morsel to ravage.” Seething words of damnation, as his inglorious treatment of Quan Chi’s de-spined neck will serve as a quintessential example to those who ever crosses his path, lest burrow into his head and instill false realities.  ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ 🔥 ||

[fullcirclehealth6]

Home Consideration Services - The Eventual fate of Healthcare Services

The consideration, everything being equal, particularly the older who are frequently experiencing unremitting sicknesses require consistent therapy and unalleviated oversight which spots expanding pressures on open and private wellbeing frameworks. As indicated by ongoing examination led the by the College of Rovira I Virgilli, in Spain, more established individuals currently represent a high level of hospitalisations in created nations. With the world encountering the worldwide wonder of expanding life expectancies, lessening ripeness and underlying populace changes, this pattern of old hospitalization is set to proceed and acquire energy into what's to come.

Nonetheless, it is presently generally acknowledged that hospitalization and regulation isn't the best technique for recuperation for all concerned. Individuals who are experiencing ailments have an emotive security with their homes and the local area that they are a fundamental piece of and this is regularly a critical factor in both the paces of positive patient results, just as the fulfillment and personal satisfaction for the patient. Also, it is noticed that albeit many would like to get clinical treatment and care in their home climate, many are as yet being hospitalized. This isn't a result of their ailments or techniques for treatment requests, however the absence of social and family uphold at home, just as the aftereffect of troublesome constant admittance to expert healthcare.

As of now, families are taking driving jobs relating to the consideration of ward family members. As of now, the consideration of persistently sick and more established individuals at home would be close to incomprehensible without family care. Notwithstanding, expanding pressures on all relatives to work, with the expanding pressing factors of time, cash and added obligations are compromising the family's capacity to offer help to their friends and family.

Home consideration services have been recognized as a vital strategy in tending to these issues. From the purpose of the healthcare association, giving more home consideration services diminishes the pressing factors set on open offices and staffing, adds to expanding quantities of positive patient results and gives admittance to general and expert therapies to the individuals who are battling with the transportation to and from clinical offices. From the patient's perspective, they can stay in the family home, with the emotive and social encouraging groups of people of their family, companions and local area. click for more info Full Circle Health

The patterns for an overall maturing populace give no indications of evolving. Subsequently, the always developing quantities of more established individuals requiring clinical consideration will likewise rise. A development to home consideration services is a characteristic reaction to the present circumstance, which benefits the entirety of the gatherings in question.

The eventual fate of work in home consideration services isn't simply set to extend, yet to differentiate in the abilities required and the difficulties confronted. As an ever increasing number of services, that were once in the domain of clinics, become accessible in the private home setting, the more interdisciplinary the home consideration wellbeing expert should become, coordinating the clinical, social and family assets pointed toward accomplishing the equivalent goals...good wellbeing.

[dk-thrive]

Only the lifeless can be immune to life.

The word immune (from the Latin immunis, in- + munia, services, obligations) is among my favorites in the English language, the possession of immunity—to illnesses, to follies, to love and loneliness and troubling thoughts and unalleviated pains—a trait that I have desired for my characters and myself, knowing all the while the futility of such a wish. Only the lifeless can be immune to life.

~ Yiyun Li, Dear Friend, from My Life I Write to You in Your Life (Random House, February 21st 2017) 

[fullcirclehealth13]

Home Consideration Services - The Fate of Healthcare Services

The consideration, everything being equal, particularly the older who are frequently experiencing unremitting diseases require consistent treatment and unalleviated management which spots expanding pressures on open and private wellbeing frameworks. As indicated by late exploration directed the by the College of Rovira I Virgilli, in Spain, more established individuals currently represent a high level of hospitalisations in created nations. With the world encountering the worldwide wonder of expanding life expectancies, diminishing ripeness and basic populace changes, this pattern of older hospitalization is set to proceed and pick up energy into what's to come.

In any case, it is currently broadly acknowledged that hospitalization and organization isn't the best technique for recuperation for all concerned. Individuals who are experiencing sicknesses have an emotive security with their homes and the network that they are a fundamental piece of and this is frequently a vital factor in both the paces of positive patient results, just as the fulfillment and personal satisfaction for the patient. Furthermore, it is noticed that albeit many would like to get clinical treatment and care in their home climate, many are as yet being hospitalized. This isn't a result of their ailments or techniques for treatment requests, yet the absence of social and family uphold at home, just as the aftereffect of troublesome constant admittance to master healthcare.

As of now, families are taking driving jobs relating to the consideration of ward family members. As of now, the consideration of persistently sick and more established individuals at home would be close to unthinkable without family care. Nonetheless, expanding pressures on all relatives to work, with the expanding weights of time, cash and added obligations are compromising the family's capacity to offer help to their friends and family.

Home consideration services have been distinguished as a critical strategy in tending to these issues. From the purpose of the healthcare association, giving more home consideration services diminishes the weights put on open offices and staffing, adds to expanding quantities of positive patient results and gives admittance to general and master therapies to the individuals who are battling with the transportation to and from clinical offices. From the patient's perspective, they can stay in the family home, with the emotive and social encouraging groups of people of their family, companions and network. find more information Full Circle Health careers

The patterns for an overall maturing populace give no indications of evolving. Accordingly, the regularly developing quantities of more seasoned individuals requiring clinical consideration will likewise rise. A development to home consideration services is a characteristic reaction to this circumstance, which benefits the entirety of the gatherings in question.

The eventual fate of work in home consideration services isn't simply set to grow, however to differentiate in the abilities required and the difficulties confronted. As an ever increasing number of services, that were once in the domain of clinics, opened up in the private home setting, the more interdisciplinary the home consideration wellbeing expert should become, incorporating the clinical, social and family assets pointed toward accomplishing the equivalent goals...good wellbeing.

[whileiamdying]

Pedro Almodóvar Answers the Proust Questionnaire

The director of Pain and Glory talks samba and social justice.

BY VANITY FAIR

FEBRUARY 19, 2020

Vanity Fair: What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Pedro Almodóvar: A sudden summer breeze on a hot afternoon.

Vanity Fair: Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Pedro Almodóvar: Federico García Lorca.

Vanity Fair: Which living person do you most admire?

Pedro Almodóvar: Dr. Pedro Cavadas, a pioneer in face transplants and a specialist in the transplant of severed members. This surgeon from Valencia devotes his summer breaks to travel to Africa and tend to children who have been castrated in tribal conflicts.

Vanity Fair: What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Pedro Almodóvar: Sincerity in its most brutal version. It isn’t always necessary.

Vanity Fair: On what occasion do you lie?

Pedro Almodóvar: The few times I go to a movie premiere, or to a theater opening, in the artists’ dressing rooms.

Vanity Fair: Which living person do you most despise?

Pedro Almodóvar: I don’t despise, I prefer to hate. And I hate Trump.

Vanity Fair: Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Pedro Almodóvar: In Spanish: “No doy crédito” (“I cannot believe my eyes”). In English I usually abuse “actually….”

Vanity Fair: What is your greatest regret?

Pedro Almodóvar: If I make a mistake, I try to apologize. But regret is an imposition from my Catholic childhood that I refuse.

Vanity Fair: When and where were you happiest?

Pedro Almodóvar: The first time I went into a samba school in Rio de Janeiro. The whole neighborhood was rehearsing in plain clothes the numbers they’d perform during the Carnaval.

Vanity Fair: Which talent would you most like to have?

Pedro Almodóvar: To be a great novelist.

Vanity Fair: What is your current state of mind?

Pedro Almodóvar: I miss my youth.

Vanity Fair: If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

Pedro Almodóvar: You have to accept family the way it is.

Vanity Fair: What is your most treasured possession?

Pedro Almodóvar: Memories. Materially speaking, 18 of the 21 films I have directed.

Vanity Fair: What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Pedro Almodóvar: All miseries are unfair and unbearable, but migrants running away from war and slavery only to find First World doors closed seems intolerable to me. The other side of this problem is people condemned to unalleviated poverty in the First World, which seems horrible to me too.

Vanity Fair: Where would you like to live?

Pedro Almodóvar: For the time being, in Madrid, where I feel most comfortable and organized.

Vanity Fair: What is your favorite occupation?

Pedro Almodóvar: To rewrite, when I have the story for a script clear and defined.

Vanity Fair: What is your most marked characteristic?

Pedro Almodóvar: I never give up.

Vanity Fair: What is the quality you most like in a man?

Pedro Almodóvar: Originality and lack of prejudices.

Vanity Fair: What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Pedro Almodóvar: The capacity to fight.

Vanity Fair: Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

Pedro Almodóvar: Don Quixote.

Vanity Fair: Who are your heroes in real life?

Pedro Almodóvar: The ONG Open Arms, whose members risk their lives and freedom to save migrants from drowning in the Mediterranean Sea.

Vanity Fair: What are your favorite names?

Pedro Almodóvar: Antonio, Carmen, Soledad, Eurídice, and Fe (Faith).

Vanity Fair: How would you like to die?

Pedro Almodóvar: Like John Huston, after shooting The Dead.

[indreams1]

There is nothing innocuous left. The little pleasures, expressions of life that seemed exempt from the responsibility of thought, not only have an element of defiant silliness, of callous refusal to see, but directly serve their diametrical opposite. Even the blossoming tree lies the moment its bloom is seen without the shadow of terror; even the innocent 'How lovely!' becomes an excuse for an existence outrageously unlovely, and there is no longer beauty or consolation except in the gaze falling on horror, withstanding it, and in unalleviated consciousness of negativity holding fast to the possibility of what is better. Mistrust is called for in face of all spontaneity, impetuosity, all letting oneself go, for it implies pliancy towards the superior might of the existent. The malignant deeper meaning of ease, once confined to the toasts of conviviality, has long since spread to more appealing impulses. The chance conversation in the train, when, to avoid dispute, one consents to a few statements that one knows ultimately to implicate murder, is already a betrayal; no thought is immune against communication, and to utter it in the wrong place and in wrong agreement is enough to undermine its truth. Every visit to the cinema leaves me, against all my vigilance, stupider and worse.

“How nice of you, Doctor.” // Minima Moralia // T. Adorno

[to-the-person-who-broke-me]

Why???

As we live every day, we thought that we are so healthy because we don’t feel that we are sick. am I right?? But let me tell you my story. when I was young, I was so energetic, hyper, always dancing and playing. I never thought that 1 day some of these diseases will come out one by one. why did I say one by one?? Is it too many for a person who never felt pain or any of it before??? Yes, maybe we can say that almost of the diseases in our family’s gene had been passed to me.

           The first disease that has been diagnosed to me was “SCOLIOSIS” many people nowadays knows it, but do you have knowledge about it?? Some people are judging those who have it especially when the person fall in line on a PWD lane their eyes are telling “bakit sya nakapila doon?? Di naman sya pilay, di naman sya mukhang pwd” I was bothered when I read this from one of the person on our group on FB I am ashamed of those people that think being PWD should always be obvious physically because I was planning to get a PWD card so I don’t have to fall in line for hours or just for minutes specially at supermarkets. You know it really hurts to have this disease specially my curve is on the lower back. There are many types of SCOLIOSIS, I was diagnosed with THORACIC DEXTROSCOLIOSIS the curve is bending on the right because “dextro” means right while thoracic means something about the “thorax” and thorax is somewhere located at the waist. too cold temperature makes the pain worst, hard back of a chair makes the pain worst, unalleviated chair or anything that we can sit on makes the pain worst. sometimes you can see me slouching because it’s hard to sit on a straight back for a couple of hours. Is there any cure??? Yes, there is when it gets severe I can ask for operation, does it cost much?? Yes, it is that’s why somehow I’m preventing it to get worst. They said I can take therapy but it also cost much, “why don’t you just wear a brace??” Do you know how much it cost??? It cost 5000-10000 USD and I might not be comfortable wearing it especially when I’m working. So I hope you’ll understand when I can’t carry heavy things to help you. Back then when I’m in high school my classmates always telling me “mag straight back ka kasi” If alam lang nila I really want to but it hurts so much when I try that’s why I’m always kuba or ukos in Kapampangan. My shoulders are not even but as I grew older I managed to straighten it little by little, my shoulders kind of good right now and I can straighten my back for a couple of hours but the pain still there specially when it’s too cold, it’s hard to sleep.

           The second disease that was diagnosed to me was MVP (mitral valve prolapse) and attached to this, I also have hyperthyroidism that’s why if you can see my neck or throat is a little bit bulky in front likes I have an adam’s apple before I thought maybe it’s just because I am thin but I’m wrong. What is MVP?? MVP means that one of the valve in your heart is leaking or it’s not working/pumping properly. In my case the left valve is the one leaking because of it my heart can’t pump blood properly through my body that’s why I seem like I am an anemic person but I’m not. Also because of it my heart beats fast and somehow my hyperthyroidism is contributing to its fast beating too. What is the normal heart rate of a person?? 60-80 bpm right?? Mine was 100-120 bpm that’s my normal heart rate EVERYDAY from the moment I wake up until I close my eyes to sleep. Palpitation is part of my everyday life. May mga bawal ba saken na kainin or gawin?? Yes, there is di ako pwede sa mga foods na may caffeine like coffee, coffee flavoured food mapa candy or biscuits or pastry man yan even mocha and cappuccino flavored food which I really love It’s my fave. When it’s all start?? The doctor said that it was inborn so it means since when I came out to this world meron nako. Buti ngayon mo lang nalaman? Di ko din alam kasi back then mahilig pa kong sumali sa mga activities sa school like dancing I really love dancing pero ngayon I can’t barely do it. Lagi pa ko sumasali ng mga cheerdance and I also dance pag may mga program. Active din ako sa mga activities sa PE subject naming like playing some street games mahilig pa kami nun tumakbo around the campus nararamdaman ko yung pagod pero hindi ko nararamdaman na may problem ako sa heart. Nung nagcollege ako mahilig pa din ako sumali sa mga activities lalo na PE puro sayaw halos araw araw yung practice nun pero wala pa rin akong nafeel na may problema saken until naggraduate ako and nagkawork na. I work as a call center agent before and dun nagtrigger yun heart disease ko pero bago yun nakasali pa ko sa flash mob site competition nun halos sobrang pagod din yung gabi kayo nagpapractice hanggang umaga siguro naabuse ko yung sarili ko but you can’t blame me because I didn’t even know I have it, if alam ko lang from the start na meron ako sana naalagaan ko yung sarili ko di ko na sana pinagod yung sarili sa mga activities noon. It all start nung isang araw na uminom ako ng kape. Mahilig ako sa coffee honestly it doesn’t matter if it is hot or cold basta feel ko uminom ng kape iinom ako until one day that change my life and stop me from drinking it. Off ko nun and then I made some ice cold coffee kasi super init noon. When I already finished my cup I felt na para akong magkocollapse so humiga muna ako kasi baka dahil kulang ako sa tulog or stress lang sa work I slept for an hour and nung tumayo ako ganun pa din nararamdaman ko hinayaan ko nalang the next day okay na ko nakapasok nako ng work. While taking a call siguro mga 2am na yun nafeel ko na nahihirapan ako huminga and medyo nahihilo ako so I asked my coach to take the call for me since hindi maganda pakiramdam ko. The next day di ako pumasok para makapagpahinga ako bago ako magpacheck up. So yun the next day after pumunta nakami ng doctor pinag run nya ko ng mga labtest ECG, TSH and 2D ECHO wag nyo na itanong magkano mga yan kasi mahal talaga mga labtest para sa heart. So when the result came out ayun nadiagnosed ako na meron akong Cardiac dysrythmmias; Stable agina r/o Hyperthyroidism or MVP. I already prayed na sana wala or maging negative na stressed lang ko or pagod pero wala ganun talaga maybe I’m destined to have it. The doctor said na hindi dapat ako mastress and mapagod, when I heard of it na may MVP ako and after nya inexplain na dapat habang di pa malala yung leak ng valve is makapagpaopera nako kasi pag naging severe na di nako makakapagwork wala nakong magagawa sa buhay ko. The doctor said that they need to repair the valve inside they will replace it with a new one but the chances is 50/50 because it’s an open heart surgery nung narinig ko yun natakot ako kasi open heart imagine bubuksan nila yung heart mo so machine lang muna yung magpapabuhay sayo while they are operating and it will also cost half a million. Saan naman kami kukuha ng ganung kalaking halaga ng pera di ba? Di naman kami ganun kayaman and usually sa mga health insurance ng mga company di nila kinecredit yung inborn diseases. I felt that my world fell apart at that moment until we decided to go home binigyan nalang ako ni doc ng mga maintenance medicine na until now tinetake ko. This medicine will prevent my heart for somehow getting worst. Nakakainis lang yung mga tao na pag sinabihan ko na wag ako gugulatin or pag uminom ako ng kape is mamatay ako tatawanan lang like I was just joking for them OA ba pakinggan?? But that’s the truth. It’s so hard to have this kasi anytime pwede ka madeads specially pag sumobra pagod or sobrang init. That’s why as much as possible iniiwasan ko lahat ng yan but still I can go out and I can still travel by myself. But not until one day, one day that will stop me from commuting by myself.

           A disease that will make my normal life complicated. When this occur di nako sa callcenter nagwowork, sa isang logistic company nako nagwowork nung nangyari saken, yung para saken pinaka nakakadown na sakit na nagkaroon ako. I love music so much yung tipong kahit saan ako pumunta lagi akong nakaheadset. Headset on volume louder, music is my escape from the real world. I feel so energetic kapag nakikinig ako ng music while working with my headset on bakit ko ‘to sinasabi anong connect sa susunod na madadiagnosed saken?? Malaki, kasi after ako madiagnose nito di nako pwede magheadset or di na ako pwede makinig ng mga malalakas na music specially yung malalakas ang bass or kahit maingay lang bawal. On that day, morning shift ako 8am pasok ko nun so tulad ng lagi kong ginagawa araw araw pag sakay ko ng trike nagheheadset nako while riding a tricycle I felt dizzy all of a sudden pero di ko pinansin sandali lang kasi mga 2secs lang so tumuloy padin akong magtravel papuntang work nung bumaba nako sa harap ng Jollibee sa Dau yung after ng samsonville, habang nag aabang ako ng jeep papuntang maingate biglang umikot paningin ko nakaheadset pako nun di ko pa tinanggal ayaw tumigil ng pag ikot ng paningin ko wala pa naman tao dun at that time akala ko mamatay nako napaupo nako sa sahig habang nakakapit ako sa fence ng tree nasugat pa nga ako nun sa sobrang kapit hanggang may 2 students na dumaan nilapitan ako at nilalakad nila ako papasok ng Jollibee binigyan ako ng tubig ng crew medyo nahimasmasan ako nun wala pa naman akong load at that time kaya di ko alam pano ko kokontakin parents ko or yung office namin buti nalang pinahiram ako ng cellphone nung mga tumulong saken una kong tinawagan yung TL ko sinabi ko yung sitwasyon ko at di ako makakapasok after nun kinontak ko na tatay ko nagpeprepare sya nun papuntang work nagpapasundo ako sakanya kasi talagang di ko kayang umuwing mag isa nakiusap sya dun sa kapitbahay naming na tricycle driver na sunduin ako sa Jollibee and then nung nakauwi nako humiga agad ako at nagpahinga kasi baka kulang lang ako sa tulog pero as the days goes by ganun pa din nangyayari saken paulit ulit 1week akong di nakapasok sa work so nagdecide nakong magpacheck up nanaman inexplain ko sa doctor yung nangyari saken tapos nagrun sya ng mga physical test sabi nya may Menieres disease ako nagkocause nito is yung too much loud noise after nun pumunta din ako sa EET meron din daw akong Positional vertigo kaya pag natutulog ako di ko kaya humiga sa right lagi akong nahihilo o diba dalawa agad. Nagkocause din daw toh ng sudden deaf or nagiging mahina yung pandinig ng isang tao kaya pala minsan kahit malapit na yung taong nagsasalita or kumakausap saken hindi ko sya maintindihan hanggang ngayon ganito ako kaya pag nagsasalita ako parang lagi akong galit sabi nga nila, kasi minsan di ko marinig ng maayos yung sarili ko at nasanay nadin siguro ako ganun magsalita so sorry po if akala nyo lagi akong galit. Please just understand me.

           Back then I thought na napakamalas kong tao kasi isipin mo daming nadiagnosed saken it came to the point na nadepress ako at nagkaanxiety dahil sa mga ‘to. Sino ba naman kasi ang mag aakala na sa liit ng katawan na ‘to daming sakit ang naglabasan. Minsan natatanong ko kay GOD bakit ako?? Bakit ako pa yung kailangan magkaroon ng maraming sakit masama ba kong tao?? And then I will cry so hard alam mo yung umiiyak ka ng walang boses super sakit nun sa dibdib. Halos gabi gabi ako umiiyak noon kasi lagi ko naiisip di nako mabubuhay ng normal di ko na magagawa yung mga gusto kong gawin or yung mga dati kong ginagawa. Di nako lumalabas samin or pumupunta kahit saan. Di nako makapagcommute lagi nalang akong nakaservice until now kasi andyan padin vertigo ko di parin nawawala yung pag gising mo pa lang hilo ka na hanggang sa pagpasok mo sa work hanggang sa pag uwi ko buti nga nakakaya ko pa pumasok kung di lang siguro ako nakaservice di nako makakapagtrabaho ang hirap sobrang hirap ng pinagdadaana ko araw araw yung feeling na gumigising at nagtatrabaho ka nalang para lang mabuhay araw araw. Dumating din ako sa point ng buhay ko na gusto ko ng mamatay yung hinihiling ko na kay GOD na kunin na nya ko kasi di ko na kaya hirap na hirap nako. Minsan din pag mag isa ako naiisip ko magpakamatay tapos magpepray nalang ako kay GOD nun na bigyan nya pa ko ng lakas ng loob para mabuhay. Walang may alam ng pinagdadaanan ko noon kung hindi ako lang kalian lang naman ako nag open up sa mga kaibigan at few family members pero di ko lahat nasasabi sakanila kasi baka di rin nila ako maintindihan dami kasing taong akala nila alam nila lahat yung nangyayari sayo even though wala naman talaga silang alam. Before you tell me anything please fill in my shoes first so alam nyo kung bakit mas pinili ko yung buhay na ganito kaysa gawin yung mga bagay na sinasabi nyo. Yung iba laging tinatanong bakit di kana gumagala? Bakit di mo kasi try magcommute ulit?? Bakit wala ka ng social life?? Bakit mo kasi inaalagaan sakit mo?? Bakit di mo try mag exercise?? Bakit di mo ienjoy yung buhay mo, alam mo yung YOLO?? Sinanay mo kasi sarili mo di nagkocommute. At pinakaworse at pinaka ayoko na sinasabi nila “nasa isip mo lang yan, wag mo kasi masyadong isipin”. Sinasabi ko sa sarili ko kung nasa isip ko lang ‘to edi sana wala na napaka strong ng mind ko high yung tolerance ko sa pain madalang lang ako uminom ng painkillers kasi sineset ko sa mind ko na mawawala din yung sakit o diba edi kung nasa isip ko lang yung mga sakit edi sana magaling nako. Pero hindi e di naman ganun kadali yun specially pag dumadating yung depression sayo lahat ng tao alam ang depression pero di sila knowledgeable tungkol dito ang alam lang nila sakit sa utak pag nadedepress ka nababaliw ka or tulad ng sinabi ko kanina nasa isip lang. pag sinabihan mo yung tao ng ganyan tapos ganito yung pinagdaanan nya sa buhay at pinagdadaanan pa di mo sya natutulungan lalo mo syang dinadown tulad nung mga taong nagsasabi saken ng mga ganun akala nyo ba natutulungan nyo ko pag sinasabi nyo mga yan saken?? Hindi, bumababa selfesteem ko pag nakakarinig ako nyan yung minsan naghohold ako ng grudges sa mga taong nagsasabi nyan yung minsan gusto ko magwala, yung gusto kong manuntok ng tao at ibuhos lahat sakanya alam nyo yung feeling na ganun. Mas pinili ko yung buhay na ganito kasi wala akong napeperwisyong tao, ayoko manira ng mga happy moments kaya di ako sumasamang lumalabas, mas gusto kong sa bahay lang mas kumportable ako mas kalmado ako di ko naiisip na magiging pabigat lang ako sa mga tao pag sumama ako lumabas. Mas masaya nako ng ganito lumalabas naman ako pag family gathering kaya okay na saken yun, yung mga kaibigan ko alam naman din nila na di nako mahilig lumabas kaya dito nalang din kami sa bahay nagkikita kita. Akala ko after ng vertigo ko tapos na yung wala ng dadagdag pa, kung kalian nakakamove on nako at medyo di na din ako sinusumpong ng depression may lumitaw nanamang bago.

           November 12, 2016 first operation ko nadiagnosed ako na may Ovarian cyst at this time tinry ko maging strong. Nung sinabi ni doktora na as much as possible need kong maopera para matanggal yung cyst kasi pag di daw natanggal kaagad yung lalo dodoble daw yung sakit and worst is magbuburst sya sa loob at maiinfection yung dugo ko. So I decided right away na maoperahan ako. Inasikaso ko lahat ng mga documents na kailangan buti nalang yung health insurance ng company namin kinocover nila yung ganitong operation maswerte ako kasi di ko kailangan maglabas ng malaking halaga which is wala naman kami. So after ko na mabigay yung documents na kailangan pinaglabtest nako ni doktora naubos yung ipon ko sa mga labtest pero okay lang atleast di gumastos yung parents ko galing lahat sa sarili kong bulsa. Ayoko na din kasi maging burden sakanila lalo na wala ng work si papa nun. Sabi nga nila nag iipon daw ako para lang may pambayad ako sa mga ganito para saken okay lang naman atleast ready ka di ka na mamomroblema kung san kukuha ng panggastos di ba? So yun after ng mga labtest at makakuha ng mga clearances sa doctor ko sa heart. Naoperahan nako, sabi nga ni doktora napakatapang ko daw kasi as in ako lang mag isa lahat nag ayos para lang maoperahan ako di namroblema yung parents ko saken. 5 days ako sa hospital after nun nakauwi nakami 2 moths ako di nakapagwork pero okay lang kasi bayad naman. So nung naging okay nako nakakatayo nako mag isa and every day thankful ako kasi mabilis yung naging recovery ko from the operation. As the days goes by I tried to be strong and tough ayoko kasi ipakita sa mga tao na nahihirapan ako na deep inside down na down ako at umiiyak. As much as possible tinatawa ko nalang para di ko maisip yung mga pinagdaanan ko at pinagdadaanan pa. Pag nga tinatanong ako ng “may sakit ka ba?? Bat ang tahimik mo??” nasasagot ko nalang matagal na matagal nakong may sakit. I’ve never been okay kahit minsan sinasabi ko na okay lang ako because at the end of the day pag mag isa nalang ako at wala nakong kausap pumapasok lahat sa isip ko yung mga pinagdadaanan ko minsan di ko mapigilan mag overthink at umiyak lalo na pag naalala ko yung mga bagay na nagagawa ko dati at kapag yung mga taong nagsasabi saken ng mga negative words tulad ng mga binanggit ko kanina naiiyak ako kasi di ko naman ginusto maging ganito e. sino ba naman may gustong magkaroon ng maraming sakit di ba?? Wala, walang may gusto. Gusto ko ulit mabuhay ng normal but this is the best thing that I can do to prevent any of these diseases getting worst. I hope after reading this you will fully understand me and what I’ve been through all my life di kami mayaman kaya iniiwasan kong mahospital. Don’t tell me that YOLO thing, kasi iba yung meaning nyan sa ibang tao para sakanila minsan lang tayo mabubuhay kaya dapat gawin natin lahat ng gusto nating gawin mamamatay din naman tayo for me di ganun ang YOLO yes you can do anything you want but with precautions kailangan mo padin iconsiderate yung health mo, ou magagawa mo yung gusto mo pano kung after nun may mangyari sayo o sasabihin mo “okay lang atleast nagawa ko yung gusto kong gawin” kahit na mag alala yung parents mo sayo?? Kahit dahil doon papahirapan mo pa yung parents mo di sila makakatulog ng maayos gabi gabi dahil sa kakaisip sa nangyari sayo?? O baka sabihin nyo negative thinker ako telling you this doesn’t mean na pessimist ako. We only live once nga di ba so isang beses lang tayo mabubuhay why don’t we just took care of ourselves and stop being burden to our parents or to other people mas maganda ng ikaw lang ang mahirapan at wag na ang parents mo. Para pag may nangyari sayo wala kang sisihing iba. Ganun na ako mag isip ngayon selfish man pakinggan pero that’s the best thing that I can do. Ayoko ng may mga tao pang mahirapan dahil saken or dahil sa kalagayan ko. Sana intindihin nyo lang ako instead of saying words that bringing me down dapat encouraging words yung mga sinasabi nyo at hindi mga ganun. You should help me put my self-esteem high not pushing me down. Yun lang naman yung reason bakit ko ‘to pinublish para bigyan kayo ng knowledge about my diseases kasi alam ko madami dyan yung akala nila alam nila lahat pero hindi, na para sakanila ordinary lang yung mga sakit ko na hindi naman kadepress depress na pwede ko padin gawin yung mga ginagawa ko dati. I hope this will open your mind na hindi lahat ng para sainyo is okay e okay din sa iba. Yun lang po salamat :)