#update: watched the ‘95 half hour available on HBO and he has just updated his Jew bit from that but it’s exactly the same concept lmao luv

[overbearingstruggles]

Happy new Marc Maron special release day to those who celebrate

[watching-movies-alone]

Ad Astra (2019)

disclaimer: this has spoilers. 

So, it's been a hot minute.

But we're not here for a life update, so let's jump straight to it.

Ad Astra. James Gray, Brad Pitt, you might've heard of it.

Straight off the bat, "ad astra" is Latin for "to the stars" (roughly). It has all the makings of a good Sci-Fi movie, from the tags on IMDb as "Adventure/Drama/Mystery", to Tommy Lee Jones, Ruth Negga, Donald Sutherland, and a bunch of other incredibly well known names.

For the technical information, the film was shot in a 2.39:1 aspect ratio (this is pretty wide for an aspect ratio, and used frequently for more dramatic films, such as Ad Astra).

And, sure, 'dramatic' definitely suits the film. They also spent towards ninety million USD on the movie, and saw barely over nineteen million USD returned in the US opening weekend (September of 2019). So, I wasn't the only one who saw the trailer and was mildly interested, but at least I waited until it was available on HBO or whatever so I didn't need to give James Gray money. At least, directly.

Because, wow.

Let's start with some positives, because who doesn't love those (this is where I glare at my anti-depressants).

Ad Astra has some phenomenal shots. The cinematography was done by Hoyte Van Hoytema, who brought us the breathtaking art in Dunkirk (2017), Interstellar (2014), Spectre (2015), and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011), amongst many others.

The visual appeal of the movie is not to be disregarded. Its breathtaking stills, even in the trailers, played a large factor in me watching it at all.

Also, on the non-visual side, it was a nominee for the Best Achievement in Sound Mixing at the Oscars in 2020, with Gary Rydstrom (Skywalker Sound, Jurassic Park (1991), Saving Private Ryan (1998), as well as Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015), et cetra), Tom Johnson (Children of Men (2006), Titanic (1997), and several other Disney-owned franchise movies). and Mark Ulano (Titanic (1997), Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (2019), and Iron Man (2008), as well as quite a few others) up for the award. It was up for other awards for production design, as well as visual effects, and several film critics awards.

From a technical standpoint, the movie was pleasing to watch.

However, it was also 123 fucking minutes, and dragged on worse than the first hour and a half of Alien (1979), but with less Sigourney Weaver, and more zoning out because what was the plot, again?

This movie is a counterpart to Alien in a few ways. First off: they both nail the idea of space being big and monotonous. Second of all, they both have senses of isolation, and how one can keep their mind intact after prolonged isolation in the aforementioned emptiness of space. Yet, here is where it stops.

As Alien has a riveting plot, so that the whole time the shots drag on, with the visuals stretching on just long enough to make you incredibly apprehensive, Ad Astra lacks the apprehension. The only thing I was worried about was if I was actually awake or not. And I watched Inception two nights ago, so there was already due cause to question my wakefulness.

Let's start with the synopsis, and then break that shit down, alrighty?

Astronaut Roy McBride undertakes a mission across an unforgiving solar system to uncover the truth about his missing father and his doomed expedition that now, 30 years later, threatens the universe.

Issue 1: this should have been totally awesome.

Issue 1a: this was not.

Roy McBride (Brad Pitt) is a very complex, yet insufferably flat character. Brad Pitt is such a well-known, and widely loved actor, so obviously I had high hopes. And he lived up to them. It was the script, which wrote Roy as an uncomfortably unstable character with deep-strung emotions. Now, this is important to note, I am not saying that emotional male characters are unwelcome, because they absolutely are, and we need more of them. What I am saying, is that the character being so completely not-alright for the entirety of the film made it difficult to like him. Yes, we saw him overcome the shadow of a missing father, hailed as a hero, yes we saw him cope (or try to) with his love life being Batman-level off the walls because of his work ethic and the demands of his field. But, it just became tiring to watch him so constantly on-edge. After a while, it's less like you're rooting for him to succeed than it's rooting for him to simply not say 'fuck it' and die. The bar kept getting lower for him.

And, the script itself was overwhelmingly wearisome. There was hardly any comedic relief (or any sort of relief), and the "unforgiving solar system" is just odd in the way that things were brought up as challenges for him to overcome. And, christ, the plot holes.

So, what the fuck was it with the baboons? And the moon pirates?

Two moments that were memorable, but drowned out by the monotony of the film.

And, sure, if the film sought to capture the monotony of space, in all of its glory, this film sure hit the fucking nail on the head.

I'm picking up that the message at the end of the film was that one didn't need to search for aliens when they should learn how to appreciate what it is to be human, or whatever.

Also? The storyline.

Or, what was supposed to be the storyline.

Starting with Roy on a giant space ladder-type thing, something explodes, and he plummets to earth, after doing a last-minute save to help stop it spreading. This is referred to as a 'surge' and was supposed to be a large plot device for the rest of the film?

Anyhow, Roy ends up on the ground, and miraculously, is alive. The free-fall shot was quite interesting to watch, but I couldn't get over how confused I was. So, the 'surges' were Bad Energy Vibes being sent from far space that could prove to be the universe's undoing. From this, he, an American Space Trooper (what a fucking cliché), has to go to the moon, where he will then catch a flight to mars, from where he will go to aforementioned Deep Space to stop, gasp!, his absentee father. Who turns out to be a massive prick, and Tommy Lee Jones, your acting, much like Mr Pitt's, couldn't save the character. I'm sorry sweetie.

So, this already has many many many plot holes, especially in the science, and dare I say, logic, of it. If the Bad Space Vibes were from just beneath the rings of Neptune, where the Absentee Asshole Space Daddy is, and managing to hit earth… why couldn't Roy have sent a signal from earth to mars, and have the colonists on mars relay that signal to Neptune? Why did the moon pirates show up with a really artsy space laser fight with heavy casualties and then become so irrelevant to the plot? Why was nobody prepared to go into the lunar warzone, despite knowing that it was an active warzone? Why the fuck did Roy answer a mayday call from a ship on the way from the moon to mars, find some rabid baboons, who ate the fucking crew, and then just fucking dip after exploding them via letting the pressure out of the section of the ship? Why, when on mars, did this dude have to sit in a room designed to 'calm him down' when it looks like a prison? And the bad science. 

Why was the mars detour so necessary that it warranted a giant chunk of screen time? God, don't even get me started on the 'getting-off-mars' sequence. Really? Underground lake tunnels that Brad here has to swim/cable-drag himself through to get to a ship? And when the ship was about to take off, he barely made it in, with 20something seconds on the countdown, and didn't fucking die because of the g-force?! How the fuck did he get in the rocket? Why are so many airlocks not LOCKED?! Why wasn't he arrested when he pretty much slaughtered the three occupants of the ship? How did he not grow ANY fucking facial hair/head hair on his 79-ish day trip from mars to Neptune? Is that realistically far? 

I'm done with the futile questions, for now, because I'm tired, and the movie has successfully cured my insomnia.

The film is beautiful, but goddamn at WHAT cost? It was disappointing. And I don't have the inclination, nor the desire, to find the script for you guys so that I have more ammunition with which to tear it to shreds. Or would you prefer I moodily mumble some Deep Thoughts™ while gazing out at the cold vacuum of space, with my visuals needing a flimsy screenplay to make it a film?

Overall, beautiful movie, terrible execution.

 Cinematography: 95

Screenplay: 10

Delivery: 40

Average: 48.33%, F