#use of gabapentin
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I need someone to shoot me with a tranquilizer dart from a sniper rifle through my bedroom window. Alternatively I need exactly one (1) Xanax
#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#I tried breathing exercises I tried distraction I tried gabapentin#My body will not stop having an anxiety attack#This is where it would be useful to pound like 3 shots of gin but nooo we can't daydrink about our brain problems anymore#Because that leads to 'substance abuse' and we are 'trying to do that less'#Booooooooooooooooooo
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ik my dad was simply following instructions and doing his due diligence BUT he did come home from picking up my meds and passed on the pharmacist's instructions
and said they really emphasized ONLY AS NEEDED for the oxycodone & it came with a packet to dissolve leftover pills
and i was immediately like oh don't worry i am taking as little of this shit as i can get away with so that i have a little stockpile for my next flare. im not giving this shit to ANYONE
#i know you come from a time when you simply tell them#hey doc my meds aren't working. and they believe you and give you more vicodin#but shit like oxy is like gold when ur 26 and invisibly disabled so nobody ever wants to put u on anything stronger than gabapentin#anyways. it was funny 2 me#he was Very Serious#me: oh lol dont even worry about it dude.#highkey im pretty sure it drives both of my parents NUTS that i dont ever seem to take my meds as prescribed#it was A Time telling my mom that my gaba prescription is 3x a day OR as needed.#my topiramate is Normally taken regularly but im using it a little off label & taking it as needed <-direct instructions from my doctor.#word for word and my mom had such a hard time wrapping her head around this#thats dynamic disability baybee!!#and like. i know my body way better than the random er doc. lol#for instance i know that USUALLY once i can break through the pain and get it to come down enough to get my bearings again#i can usually keep it down. like if i can get it down drastically enough in One Go then i can manage it from there#but the problem is i just dont have anything in my normal arsenal that can do that. so i am REALLY relieved to have some flexeril & oxy#okay im gonna shut up and post now. goodbye. moral of the story is: if you know what ur doing then do whatever you want
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Years in his bonnet, phrase in his pocket
#personal#Wrote a good chunk of my novella today#feel good about it#but spent all day so so anxious shaking hands fast heart rate cold sweat everything#finally gave in and took gabapentin#been trying not to use it as often but I really did need it today
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my fibro meds have truly destroyed my tolerance for antihistamines
#blue chatter#my nose has been v stuffy this week!#I take a Benadryl (already a bad idea) expecting mild spiders and feeling a bit sleepy#and Pass The Fuck Out for 7 hours#okay cool. Iāll do Claritin. itāll take longer to work but thatās okay-#Pass The Fuck Out For 7 Hours#okay. sure. fine. Iāll take half a Benadryl; itāll work less effectively but I rly would like to not be so stuffy-#guess what! Pass The Fuck Out For 5 Hours!#which is. teeeeechnically shorter. but still defeats the point#Iām gonna try half a Claritin but those pills are so small already#I know my gabapentin has warnings about anything with drowsiness as a side effect so I tried to do rly low doses#bc it also has those warnings for alcohol and I can drink one drink and feel like. just a tiny bit tired and otherwise fine.#so I thought an antihistamine would be no issue. I was WRONG.#also for context before my fibro meds I was able to take a 24 hour Claritin and be barely even tired#or take 2 Benadryl and feel sleepy and spidery but not actually *fall asleep about it*.#the spiders are unpleasant but Benadryl does work faster for existing stuffiness/allergic reactions. Claritin for me works better as a#preventative measure than a treatment once Iām already sniffly.#by spiders I do mean tactile hallucinations. which funnily enough I have not gotten at all taking Benadryl now.#BECAUSE IM ASLEEP#not awake enough long enough to feel imaginary spiders! which would be an improvement except I cannot keep falling asleep when Iām busy!#this is also why Iāve only been testing this on days I know I wonāt have to drive or go to class/have things due that day#bc I suspected the sleepies would be worse even if I did not understand the magnitude#as a side effect Iāve now ruined my sleep schedule enough that my body is used to taking a midday nap and expects it#which is Not Helping
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for fucking real like i think a xanax prescription would fix me. i KNOW its highly addictive and has many bad side effects. i KNOW its withdrawal is hell. however i really think my life would be improved if i didnt feel like i was being hunted for sport at literally any social gathering.
#i've tried all the other drugs#i can't be on normal antidepressants bc of my bipolar#i tried buspar (kinda successful? might try again)#and propranolol (mostly just for restlessness caused by my antipsychotics)#and i have an rx for hydroxyzine but i mostly use that for sleep. i should probably try using that more#and my psychiatrist doesn't want me to try gabapentin or pregabalin for some unknown reason .... she doesn't even know i abused pregabalin#lol#pregabalin did honestly help a lot though#i used it recreationally but it was one of the only things that have 'cured' my anhedonia and lack of motivation#not even stimulants do that for me
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we got 3 of 4 kittens rather painlessly in carriers and took them to the vet. We thought it was for a check up AND spaying/neutering, but it was just the check up and first vaccines. I'm so proud of the kittens because they handled it SO well and the vet was so good with them. Kittens got a clean bill of health. Sprout is a BIG boy (6lbs at 4 months), Demi is the smallest girl as expected, Smash is middle of the road.
It all went so well when I was fully prepared for the worst (which was maybe only getting 2 or 1 of them, and them being very uncooperative) it's such a relief.
#we also have Bean scheduled and Mama scheduled.#those ones will be harder to deal with but they gave us gabapentin to help calm them down#kitten blogging#mignon and the mignettes
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i am not exactly beating the manic allegations with flying colours imma tell you that righhtt now
#i just keep collecting symptoms#fuck you gabapentin i hadnt had an episode in four months#i was starting to think i could get through life without this bipolar thing always looming over me#āoh itāll help you work hard for finals seasonā fuck you im useless when iām any shade of mixed hypo or manic#i canāt focus i feel like im being turned into a battery i spew word vomit but none of itās of any USE to me#and so far this isnāt even that bad#but i took gabapentin TWICE#and itās hardly even supposed to DO this#i just wanted something to manage the chronic pain from my mystery illness#since most otcās are off the board from taking lithium#actually bipolar#corpus mental breakdown watch
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#gotta take vin to the vet today#he barfed up more hair and is using his litter box less so now im worried#hes eating and drinking and playing so hopefully it isnt anythong serious ):#have to give him gabapentin here's to hoping it all goes okay
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Today Bagheera must have his blood cruelly stolen from him so they can test if his phenobarbital levels are where they need to be
#if not we shall adjust his dose#Bagheera hates having blood drawn and does not cooperate#so i have to give him gabapentin#which he also hates and does not cooperate for#but we will give him food and treats when we come home#and he is very forgiving so he will still cuddle us
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i am insane
#altered chemical state#i reallllyyyy hope gabapentin will be nice to me todsy... last like 4 times has been very bad but i continue to use it every little while#because it and pot is all i got
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TW under the cut: marijuana use, substance use, substance abuse, addiction
Beating the completely self imposed "addicted to weed" allegations by keeping my receipts so I can look back and see that *on average* ive been taking them less than once every two days for the past month and a half or so, which really means there are times when I'll take them several days in a row but also times I'll go several days in a row without one at all, and the most I have ever taken in a day is 10 mg (one whole gummy). No one has ever accused me of being addicted except myself, because I've got such a strange personal relationship to substance use, but it helps to quantifiably disprove myself once in a while
#personal#tw: addiction#tw: drugs#tw: drug use#tw: marijuana#also i mostly take them for pain relief and appetite stimulation and sleep regulation#because i have diseases requiring all of those#and i dont say im allergic to gabapentin or my cpap machine#addicted* not allergic
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no medication that is supposed to make me drowsy (other than like, benadryl or nyquil etc) has ever actually done it. my psych was like lexapro will probably make u sleepy so take it at night! & im taking gabapentin for chronic pain now & the doctor was like it will probably make u really drowsy so take it at night!!! . i could take my full gabapentin dose & lexapro in the morning and have a normal day
#also the gabapentin isnt even resolving the back pain so fuck me ig#ik side effects like that typically wear off after using the meds for a little bit but damn i didnt even get One night of drowsiness#and advanced sleep on the gabapentin. refund plsss#birdsong
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had to take my cat to the vet for what we suspect is a flea allergy causing dermatitis, and because he's An Itchy Baby now he has to wear a cone for a while and he hasn't worn one in the five years i've had him and he does not like it
#he keeps walking backwards trying to back out of the collar and smacking it against the ground#i know he'll get used to it but a) i feel bad and also b) this is very funny to watch#they also had to give him gabapentin so he's a little dopey on top of unfamiliar with the cone#also he should be fine - i have flea meds for him and antibiotics to keep the scabbed areas from getting infected#tiny.txt
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god the person in that thread talking about "yeah it's either weed or I guess I could use opiod painkillers and benzos" and. bingo.............
#mad scrawl#if its necessities or weed i go w necessities i pay my bills etc#but lord does stuff get rough w/o weed#I tried switching to gabapentin last year. prescribed. used as directed#it fucked me UP it was like I was drunk!!!!!!#I got lost in my own neighborhood it was SCARY#never had that with weed
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that tweet thats like "which one of you is brave enough to prescribe me vicodin" is massively me rn
#this is my text post tag#literally the only reason we arent a pill head is bc one of caspers keeps us in line#the way we get offered gabapentin at every turn....
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repeating my therapists words in my head like the bike message in pokemon
#i am not responsible for other people#i am not responsible for their actions or feelings i am not in control of that#if its not in my control then i need to take a step back and accept that#tw drugs#soooooooooooo my dad picked up the op of the iods. which he was addicted to for about a decade and stopped a decade ago#like if he had gotten them when the hospital offered it to him it would be whatever yk because he has suffered burns#but he said no at the hospital and stressed that he wouldnt take that poison again#his words idk anything about them#and now that we're talking about weaning him off of his gabapentin (what hes been taking for pain)#he picks them up dawg you say youre not in pain enough to take regular old medicine anymore#i am quite so very stressed about it. our genepool is very heavy on addictions and yk my mom never stopped so i Experienced it#and of course i Experienced it as a child but i dont remember any of my childhood#but i would really rather my father not get addicted to them again i think that would be really quite terrible#i confronted him about it and he said he was just going to keep them as a backup just in case#like ofc i dont want my dad to be in pain. but he cant just say hes feeling really good and then pick them up#because that sets off the āhe just wants to use them for Using themā alarm in my head#but i am not in control of him i cant control his actions i tried my best and now whatever happens happens i guess#trying very hard not to freak out very hard right now (everything in my body wants to have a cheeky panic attack and/or spiral)#have no close friends/friends i feel like i can just vent to for freesies is kind of a nightmare#i miss my Friends i miss my Friends i wish i could tell them my situation and just feel like i am Supported and Cared For#being lonely is all fun and games until bad things are happening in your life and you have no one to distract you or help you
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