#used my free day which i gave to myself as an undeserved gift to answer some asks finally

[franeridart]

Wow Hi I can't spell for shit but I was wondering if you could draw some more KamiSero? Your art style is really beautiful and there are not much KamiSero art >•

Awww thank you!!! And in the future I might, yeah! Right now I’m a bit swamped by the zine things and using the time I take away from it to draw low effort stuff or my main ships so I can’t promise it’ll happen soon, but I still like the ship lots so !!! might happen!!

Anon said:Hey thanks for that last art I know you're probably just staying on model and it doesn't really mean anything but it felt really good to see a character with my body type for once so thank you

Anon the pleasure was all mine! Miruko’s body type is beautiful to look at and a pleasure to draw, and if my indulging myself could make you happy then that makes it even better spent time!!

Anon said:I love you. That is all. Carry on.

Thank you!! I love you too!!!!!

Anon said:that drawing of hawks blessed me and my children and the children of my children, i feel the salvation in my bones, i've been purified

I dunno which one specifically you’re talking about, but thank you!!!! ;^;

Anon said:I just wanna say I love Baku I’m goods! Peace

Hell yeah anon love that boy!! Smother him in love!!!! Give him all the affection his heart can take and then more!!!!!

Anon said:This is from the anon asking about todoraka and iideku fusions, I just got far enough to find them, sorry for bothering you earlier!

Not a bother at all, don’t worry about it!!! And thank you for liking my designs enough to ask about them!!!!

Anon said:Hey!! I love your art so so so much and i was wondering if you could get in some mina and bakugo friendship content bc they're just,,, so underrated as friends and I love them

Ahhhhhhh the Baku // Mina friendship debate, nice, hadn’t been around on this blog for a while - you know, the reason why there isn’t much content and their friendship is somewhat underrated (unless we’re talking about full squad content, there’s a lot of baku and mina there) is that, going only by canon, they... aren’t friends. Of course Mina’s part of the squad, but she is more in virtue of the fact that she’s besties with Kaminari and Sero and has her backstory relationship with Kirishima, than because she has had any significant interactions with Bakugou (a bit like Jirou’s a member of the squad through Sero and Kaminari and Bakugou even if she’s got no relationship with Kirishima at all, all in all) - I, personally, like to think they could be great friends, you know? But if we’re talking canon I can count the times they interacted on the fingers of one hand (the only serious one being during the sports fest, which Mina herself commented as Bakugou picking her only cause of her acid being a good strategy against Todoroki’s ice)

I know this is sort of a digression from your question, but, as you obviously noticed since you sent me this question, lately whenever I have focused on Bakugou’s friendships in my drawings Mina hasn’t been there, and people have been more or less aggressively pointing it out to me, like I was doing a disservice to a canon friendship by not portraying it - when in truth the relationship in question has nearly no canon basis at all. So I just wanna say, from the bottom of my heart and honestly, I’m sorry if my liking to delve into and focus on Bakugou’s canon friendships makes you sad, but if the focus of a drawing or a set of drawings is supposed to be Bakugou and the relationships Horikoshi gifted him, then Mina’s most probably not gonna be there (for now, I’m still hoping Hori will add her to his growing list of canon friends soon *crosses fingers*)

Either way this has nearly nothing to do with your question and it wasn’t even really directed at you specifically, I just used the chance to address something that was bothering me a bit - THAT SAID! I do have something I mean to draw that’s gonna be focused on Bakugou and include Mina! It might not be exactly what you’re looking for, but I hope you’ll like it anyway, at least a tiny little bit! ;^;

Anon said:I loved your Have a Nice day comic. It really gave me a nice day. It’s totally cute I can imagine them living together and sing this every morning Love your art xoxoxo

Ahhhh thank you so much!!!! I’m super glad you liked it!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Bro I just wanted to thank you! Becuase of your amazing art on boku no hero academia. It got me intrested in checking it out. And let me tell you, I love this show sooo much,even if its getting really intense right now. So its all thanks to you that I even started watching it.Its even more amazing becuase I get to admire your stunning work base on it.Thank You!!!!! 💕💕💕💕

HECK I’m so glad you checked it out and ended up liking it!!!! I hope you’ll keep on enjoying it from now on too, anon!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Hey fran! I love your art style so much!! Will we ever see more of the Bakushima neighbor’s cat au?

I KEEP ON PROCRASTINATING ON THAT ONE!!! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY!!!! It’s in the projects but I never!!! sit down!!!! to draw it!!!!! So I wanna say yes, because that’s the plan! But when I’m being honest I’m not so sure anon orz

Anon said:Okay but like.... hawks is hot right?? Its not just me??

Given the reaction the whole fandom has had to him, I’m pretty sure it’s not just you anon hahaha

Anon said:AAAAAA I BOUGHT A STICKER FROM YOUR REDBUBBLE ACCOUNT AND IT ARRIVED TODAY AND I LOVE IT!!!!!!

I’M SUPER GLAD TO HEAR THAT!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BUYING!!!!!!!

Anon said:Could you possibly draw more of the Deku + Kirishima fusion?

I... dunno? If I ever feel in the mood to play around with that AU again? But to be honest if I were to draw something that isn’t just a design for it it’s probably... not gonna be about kiri and deku of all people............ so I can’t promise anything, sorry!

Anon said:Hi! I know you haven’t really touched the fusions au in a while but please consider: miritama fusion

I have considered it! It’s the first one I’m gonna draw if I’ll ever feel like going back on the fusions!

Anon said:Let kirishima touch the butty

I’m 100% sure Bakugou lets him touch anything he wants, but if you want depictions of that this blog is not the right place to ask, anon hahaha

Anon said:First off, you draw the greatest art/headcanons for KiriBaku I've ever seen! Secondly, I found it funny since Bakugou is almost exactly like his mom, and since she got with Bakugou's dad by aggressively hitting on him, what if there was a scenario where Bakugou did that to Kirishima? Idk, I just thought it would be funny.

I actually have a couple of comics based on that concept!! Somewhere... in my bakushima tag............ I’ll def draw more on the same line in the future, tho!

Anon said:I know you posted your batteryacid (kamimina) picture a while ago but I just saw it and I'm sobbing I love it!

YO that makes me super happy, thank you!!!! I love that ship so much, it’s nice to know you liked the little thing I drew for it!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:hi, i just binge watched bnha for the first time and now that i understand all your comics i fucking love them, i'm in love, i love bakugou, i love them all, i love your art

And I love YOU to be hecking honest!!!! Thank you for loving my boy, anon!!!!

Anon said:i just want kirishima to meet bakugou’s family one time in the show and his mother is probably gonna wanna make him her second son and bakugous LOSING IT

I DO hope that’s gonna happen in the manga canon sooner or later, but meanwhile Kirishima met Mitsuki in one of the novels! She’d been taken hostage by a villain, and Bakugou yelled at her for it, and she yelled right back at him like she wasn’t in the hands of a villain right then, and Kirishima said “as expected from Bakugou’s mom” and Bakugou said “don’t admire her!” or something on that line - I’d give you a link if I knew how I tagged it when I reblogged it, but I’m sure if you dig a bit around you can find it! Maybe on @aitaikimochi‘s blog, they translated a lot of kiribaku novel moments!

Anon said:im supposing that you do, but why do you think you like bakugou so much? personally i just like the angry scowl-y but fluffy characters haha and really hes so!! cute!!! and cool!!! really!!!!! hes so good at so many things but he sucks so badly ay feelings its so!! endearing!!!! apart from this i meant to praise you and your work but i ended up screaming about bakugou hahaha. i love him too muchasgshdjl

Oh heck anon, you really don’t wanna get into this, if I started talking about why I love Bakugou as much as I do I’d probably end up saying a 10k worth of words hah I love everything about him, everything he is and everything he has the potential to be, everything he’s changed about himself and every step he’s taken along the way to be who he is right now. I love his personality and I love how strong he is, I love how hard he works, I love how angry he is and how honest and direct and genuine in everything he does he is. I love the way he interacts with people, I love his expressions SO MUCH, I love his habit of speaking in hyperboles and I love how he’s a fast thinker and how he has to go back and walk through every step he skipped when he explains things to people. I love that he presents himself as a genius when actually he just pours everything he has in being the best at everything he tries doing, I love that he’s autocritical and that he cares and that he admits when he’s wrong and that he cries, I love the fact that he cries a lot. I love that he’s set on his path and that he takes everything life throws at him and keeps walking head up and square shoulders, and also I love his eyes and his hero costume and the fact that he wants to be intimidating and yells DIE at inanimate objects and enjoys hiking in his spare time and that he calls people nerd like he isn’t one himself I just. Love him. So damn much.

Anon said:Franeriiiiii~ I see that you're trying new techniques on your arts! Very nice, I enjoy watching you come up with new clothing and whatnot. I also see that the painting is a bit different, more detailed. Just dropping by to let you know I see your efforts ❤ keep on exploring! Maybe you'll discover that you can do what you couldn't in the past. As always, have a good day and much love \0/

SOB thank you SO MUCH, anon!!!!!

Anon said:Hey Fran, how are you? I was wondering if you have any tips on how to know where to place the shadows in a drawing? I'm still a beginner and this is the hardest part for me... And I love your art very much!! You're amazing, thank you for sharing your talent with us!

God, I would love to give you a hand there but to be fair I have zero clue what I’m doing when shading, anon ;-; I go a lot about it following more gut feeling and what looks right, than any actual tecnique (which probably shows to people who have a deeper understanding of it than I do orz) the best I can tell you to do is to try to draw from real life, but really this is such a hard question for me to answer when I myself need to work more on it ;^; I’m so sorry!

Anon said:Bakushima alternative ship name: POPROCKS

A GREAT NAME I’m nearly sure I read a fic called that once!

Anon said:I just wanted to thank you for sharing your amazing work for us. You literaly made my day

AHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Anon said:I just finished going through your kiribaku tag and I honestly don't know if I'm feeling fulfilled for all of it or empty because I just saw all of it daNG YOUR STYLE JUST FUCKING FITs KIRIBAKU SO MUCH I REALLY LOVE YOUR KRBK CONTENT AND THE KIDS FUUUUUUUKCKCKCKK. I'm really, really looking forward for more of your art but for now I gotta go through all your other content as well. Ps. Have I mentioned that I fucking love how you draw feet?????

OH MAN that’s such a nice thing to hear, that my style fits them!!! My style changed so much since I started drawing them that they probably influenced it to begin with, but I’m happy you like how it looks on them nonetheless!!! thank you so so much for the kind words and for taking the time to go through the whole tag!!!

Anon said:Hi! I’m an artist and i’ve been trying to draw boy teens for a while now but i cant seem to make them have muscles without making them look like sorta adults. Any tips? I like how you draw them

I dunno how qualified I am to answer this question since I’m still playing around with my style trying to work that out, but most of what I keep an eye out for are proportions and also how round I make the traits, I guess? The rounder the younger, as far as my art style goes - I also make the eyes bigger the younger my character is supposed to be, but that probably only works if you don’t mind your style not being all that realistic hahaha

Anon said:I want to go through and the like every single one of your posts but I feel like that's a little bit excessive. Since I can't do that, I would like to tell you how amazing you are and how even when I'm having a bad day your art always makes me smile. I hope you're having a lovely day!

Thank you so so much for this ask, anon!!!!!! I hope you’re having a wonderful day/week/month too!!!

Anon said:New hawk boy lookin like a snack.

I would lie if I said the first thing I thought when I read this ask was “I guess we’re talking chicken wings”, tbh

Anon said:Fran, I love your sketch of Yuuto!! :3 Do you ship anyone from yowapeda?

Thank you!!! And I guess I ship more or less anything with a vague canon basis? Which is, like, a whole damn lot of things thank you Watanabe for your gay biking children - I’m not particularly invested into anything at the moment, tho!

Anon said:Whenever I'm having a shitty day, I come back to your blog and scroll through it, the way you draw krbk is really sweet and gives me the warmth I need when I feel down. Thank you for sharing your beautiful art, you're amazing.

Sob thank you so much, oh my god! This is such a nice ask to get, I’m glad I can help you feel a lil bit better, anon ;^;

Anon said:Fran your iida is real real cute and I'm love

THANK YOU! I think he’s way less square than he’s supposed to be... I’m working on that lol

Anon said:KIRI'S PINEAPPLE HAIR??? SAVED ME. MY HEART IS SAVED. SOUL?? SAVED. LIFE??? SAVED.

I’M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED THAT!!!!!

Anon said:that drawing of hawks ended my life oh my goddddd he's bEAUTIFUL

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Tbh I thought of Hawk teaching Tokoyami how to fly with his quirk like a bird would, but birds just fricken shove their kids out of the nest.

At this point I wouldn’t even put that past Hawks, t b h

Anon said:I love all your art and I only recently discovered all of your old kirikamibaku stuff and was wondering if you'd consider drawing it again?

YEP! Not in the near future tho, as explained in the answer to the first ask up here!

Anon said:For your fusion au do you have any of the dances figured out yet?

Only the KiriBaku one, which is just hand holding - the AU was never meant to be more than just the designs tho, so I can’t say I spent too long on this sorta things!

Anon said:Your art is so nice and beautiful that you could probably draw any two characters together and say it's a ship and I would just accept it without question like "You right omg how have I not noticed this befORE IT'S GENIUS" and it could literally even be two rocks. Not even characters. Just rocks. Bless you

THANK YOU this is!!!!!!!! such a cool feeling omg so much power to have.......... I’m gonna need to use it wisely (I say, but the first thing I thought when I read the two rocks thing was “I did draw Kiri and Tetsu in the past!” so I guess wise isn’t a thing I am at all lol)

Anon said:I’m sure you get asked this a lot but is it okay if I post some art of yours on amino? (With credits to you of course)

Nope, sorry! I don’t allow reposts with or without credit, please don’t repost my stuff - if you really wanna share you can just drop a link to the original post~

Anon said:Can I repost your art in my Instagram page with credit please ?

Anon said:Can i repost your art with credit ?

Again, sorry but I’d prefer it if you did not do that!

Anon said:Hello! Opinions on iida x deku x todoroki? I love ur art sm and ur latest thing(which inspired this ask haha) hope ur having a nice day!

Love it!!! It’s one of my main ot3s in bnha!!!! And thank you!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Can you draw more Bakugo with glasses?? I love my goth/jock/nerd son. (I also love your art btw :'D💕)

Thank you!!! And I can! And most probably will!!! Can’t say how soon that’s gonna be, tho!

Anon said:was the art of bakugou doing kirishima's hand pose/stance based off of the official card game or was that a super happy coincidence? :'D

Seeing as I posted the comic weeks before the card came out, I’d say it was a coincidence haha that said! In the card Bakugou isn’t actually doing Kiri’s pose! He’s doing his own, which is adorably similar to Kirishima’s - one closed hand against an open palm as he lats out an explosion, you see him take the stance as he gets ready to fight now and again in the manga and anime! 

Anon said:Psst, you got that Bakukamikiri?

Sadly, not at the moment :( as I said, maybe in the future~

Anon said:I love your art more than anything and your Kiribaku keeps me alive, especially now it's finals week. Also your Kaminari is a beautiful boy who deserves all my love. I have to ask for more of him. I love you omg!!!! Please never stop drawing! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

More Kaminari is coming your way! Definitely! Since I draw him a lot all things considered and you therefor you don’t really need to ask to see more of him haha

[youknow-i-loveit]

Why I Still Feel Like I Need To Ask Permission Before I Do Anything Ever

Randomly hit with the realization that my parents are still holding me back because they never taught me how to act with autonomy.

They never taught me how to be assertive or how to tell people things.

(They also wrecked my self-esteem, which was pretty horrible to begin with.)

My parents were very “do this because I told you to” authoritarian types who didn’t like to answer questions, and especially hated it when you questioned them. Questioning other authority figures was okay sometimes, depending on who the authority figure was, but my parents wanted to reign over their children with absolute power.

They generally had issues with needing to feel in-control. They didn’t have great role models for what it means to be an authority figure- my mom was the youngest, doted upon and spoiled for being the only girly-girl in the family, and by the time her parents had her (the eighth child), they were exhausted and distant, permissive, laissez-faire parents- and my dad grew up under an abusive military man who routinely beat his children, who used his voice as a weapon, and when he was at work, his wife ruled through manipulation, primarily guilt-tripping. Since my dad was the second of his six brothers, he was considered to have a better idea about how to deal with children, so my mom generally deferred to him, partly because of that, and partly because if my dad didn’t feel like he was in charge, he would make sure everybody felt miserable.

And as they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My dad very much took after his father. He thought he was being toned-down and “gentle,” and bragged all the time about how he had it worse, making it sound like he was going easy on us. He often threatened to act more like his dad. But while I feel bad for him and his brothers and the abuse they endured, that gave him no excuse to abuse us the ways he did.

I could go on and on, but the point is, my parents didn’t know how to be in charge, but they felt that it was their god-given right to be in charge-- literally, they kept throwing “Honor Your Mother And Father” at us from the Ten Commandments.

My parents never admitted to being wrong. In fact, my dad hammered it in that being wrong was shameful and something that none of us should ever, ever do- ignorance was considered shameful, and if we ever dared utter the sentence “I didn’t know,” he would mock us, roar at us, and quite often, make references to that moment for the rest of the day, if not the rest of the week. It took me years to be okay with admitting that I don’t know things. To teach myself that learning should be fun and exciting, and that teaching others new information should be seen as an opportunity, not as a burden.

So my parents are proudly ignorant control freaks with an abusive streak, who want to rule with absolute authority; so far so great right?

My parents were strict Catholics who wanted us to follow their faith. They took us to church every Sunday. They enrolled all of us in Catholic school until they couldn’t afford the tuition anymore. They insulted anyone non-Catholic- even other Christians- calling them stupid and sinners and sometimes even “evil,” and considered anyone who attended Catholic church but didn’t adhere to their beliefs “not true Catholics,” so they were lumped in with the rest of the riffraff who were apparently going to hell.

We were allowed to question authority figures that didn’t adhere to their strict beliefs, and even encouraged to make fun of them, but if we ever dared to question someone who did, my parents informed us with cold, cutting certainty that we were making the wrong choice and were in danger of going to hell ourselves.

We grew up pretty sheltered. Our parents wouldn’t let us participate in most of the fads that swept up everyone else in our peer groups. It didn’t even matter when those peers were all Catholic kids attending our same Catholic school- my parents still thought their parents were making the wrong decisions, and we were effectively isolated from socializing with our peers. For a window into this, consider that I was forbidden from watching or playing Pokemon during the late 1990s. At recess, literally everyone else in my class would “play Pokemon,” whether that meant they were actually playing the trading-card game or whether they were pretending to be characters from the show. Since I wasn’t allowed to participate, I was left alone on the swings, accompanied only by one of the lunch moms who took pity on me. (Her name was Mrs. Stevenson. She was funny. I liked her. For Halloween, she wore an ugly holiday sweater with Froot Loops glued all over it and said she was a ‘cereal killer.’)

We weren’t allowed to watch Sailor Moon, or Rugrats, or Dragon Ball Z. We weren’t allowed to play with Furbies. We were allowed to accept Beanie Babies as gifts, but our parents were too poor to buy us any, so I think the most I had was about six.

We were also (wrongly) informed that people different from us were all stupid. I questioned this from a young age, asking why people were different, but instead of actually answering me, my mom would go “Exactly!” as though that settled that.

So when I asked why African Americans spoke differently or dressed differently or said things like “black pride,” I was told it was because they were entitled and because they thought they were special, but that they were foolish and wrong. It was only later, on my own, that I learned they don’t do these things to set themselves apart from the rest of society out of some weird petty desire to be special and different, but because we stole their culture from them, and they need to reclaim an identity that they can be proud of. The system is stacked against them, so every act of embracing their blackness is an act of rebellion against the system that tries to crush them every day. They speak differently because of where they live, because of history and culture that have shaped their words that way, and if their grammar is improper, that’s most likely due to underfunded school districts, but it could also be code-switching so they fit in with their peers.

And when I asked why anyone would be anything other than Christian if the Bible really was the word of God, and God was real, I was told it was because they’re too stupid or jaded to see the truth. So when my uncle came out as Muslim when I was a teenager, our family ostracized him, berated him, and made fun of him relentlessly behind his back, because we all thought he was stupid. It was years later that I became an atheist and I realized the questioning process he must have gone through, the philosophy he must have studied, the books upon books he must have read, the agonizing introspection he must have endured, all while living under his parents’ roof... 

We were told that we were smart. That we were important and special. 

But we were also taught that we were constantly on the razor’s edge of being undeserving of love or redemption.

Naturally, this caused me to form strong attachments to characters like Loki, Bucky, and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast- characters who others saw as monstrous, but who seemed worthy of redemption, who didn’t seem to deserve everything that was done to them, even as much as they blamed themselves or got down on themselves sometimes.

The constant messages of “you need to be perfect or else” and “you are a disappointment,” accompanied by my dad’s ridiculously high standards, made me desperate for approval. 

I sought favor with my parents nearly every day, but was so often disappointed- especially by my dad. Even when I’d done something I was really proud of, he’d find ways to poke holes in it, talk down to me, call me stupid, and ask something to the effect of why I’d made such a horrible decision.

So I started looking elsewhere.

Friends. Partners. Teachers. Professors. Therapists. Co-workers. Bosses. Other people’s moms. Members of groups I joined. Anywhere I could get it, I was (and still am) constantly thirsty for validation, praise, and approval.

My parents probably weren’t trying to do this, but they taught me to constantly second-guess myself. They taught me that I needed to ask for permission to exist.

One of the things that was brought up over and over again whenever one of us would upset Mom was that “she gave birth to you.” On one memorable occasion, my dad went into graphic detail about how exactly the birthing process worked. He made it sound like some sort of accomplishment, or personal favor, that I should be forever grateful and reverent towards. But I never asked for this. Giving birth was something she couldn’t avoid. I should have never been guilt tripped into feeling like I owed her something for it.

Whenever my dad was a certain flavor of upset, he’d bark “Get out of my sight!” We would flee to some far corner of the house, behind some closed door, and cry where no one could see. In that moment, he had ceased to give permission to exist in his presence.

So when I first came out as trans, I struggled a lot, because I felt like I constantly had to ask everyone around me for permission to be myself.

It’s tragic that, in retrospect, everyone would have respected me a lot more if instead of asking, I had simply told them who I am and then been myself. I should never have felt so timid, so cowed. I should never have felt like I owed anyone an apology for asking them to use my name and my pronouns.

I should have been free to be me.

But when I lived under my parents’ roof, I wasn’t free. I was forced to hide, to pretend. I was forced to let them deadname and misgender me. I was still forced to attend church until I moved out-- I got out of attending weekly mass by pleading that it was detrimental to my mental health, after being forced to attend masses as an atheist for over a year. But in order to keep a roof over my head, I was still forced to attend Christmas and Easter mass every year, and badgered to attend more masses at nearly every opportunity.

I had to lie about who I was dating too. I had to hide all the ups and downs- the euphoria of new crushes and new relationships, the agony and heartbreak of breakups or bumps in the road. I couldn’t ask my parents for advice navigating this extremely important part of my life. Instead I had to figure it all out on my own, and lie, and pretend they were my “friends.”

My parents made me feel as though I couldn’t do anything on my own.

So to this day, I still often feel like I have to ask for help or for moral support in order to get things done. Not everything, but anything that my partner could feasibly be involved in or have any opinion on whatsoever. Filling out forms, looking things up, buying food, scheduling our week.

And anything that I’m not 1000% sure my friends would invite me to, or anything I’m not 1000% sure they want me to do, I’ll hang back on or stay silent. Any sort of physical affection that I’m not 1000% sure is welcome, I’ll hold back on or I won’t even offer, because I’m so scared of rejection or retaliation. Any complaints that I have, I’ll run by someone else first, and sit on for often weeks or months before I bring it up, if I ever bring it up, because I’m so worried that someone’s temper will flare, or that they will grow cold and distant and cut me off from their affection/ attention/ presence.

My parents never taught me how to ask for things.

They never taught me how to tell people things, simple things, like “I’m going to the store,” or “I’m a guy actually,” or say “Oh, you’re going to meet up with a bunch of people I know? Can I come?”

I’m self-taught in a lot of things, but socializing is one of them.

And as I’m sitting here typing this, I’m waiting for my partner, because we have to get through a lot of paperwork and beaurocratic nonsense this week, and even though not all of it strictly needs to involve her, I still feel like I can’t do it on my own.

It’s okay to ask for help. That’s something I’ve had to get used to too.

But sometimes I worry if I ask for too much help. >_<

[thegloober]

The Underserved Life: A Self Publishing Success Story

Would you believe that a small town girl starting with zero blog subscribers sold 1,000 copies of her memoir in the first two weeks of its release?

Only nine months after setting off to build her email list while writing and self-publishing her memoir, this same small town girl hit #1 New Release in over five Amazon categories. And then it remained in the top 10 for multiple categories its entire first month.

And while all this happened, she had two infants under age one and a husband working full-time while in graduate school.

This small town girl is me, Natalie Brenner, and I’m here to tell you about my self publishing success story and how you how to write your first book.

I wrote my first book when I was in third grade. Sure, it was pieces of lined paper ripped out of an old notebook, stapled together, and only about 35 pages long, but it was a book.

From that moment forward, I knew I wanted to be a writer. I dreamed of piecing together stories, crafting together experiences, creating lessons-learned, and inspiring others to live their fullest life.

In high school I started my first blog, where I strung words into poems. These poems were depressing and quite dark, dripping with pain but also hope. Eventually I began dating my now husband and we got married. The blog turned into our documented journeys together sharing wisdom gained and mistakes made.

Secretly, I wanted someone fancy to reach out to me and ask me to write a book. I smiled every time a reader, friend, or mentor asked me when I was going to write a book. Shyly and without confidence, I waved them off, saying I wasn’t good enough or I didn’t have anything that good to share.

But really I did have something to share. We all do… if we want to.

4 steps to self-publish your book

One evening I sat in bed feeling helpless. The story I was living felt important and the things I was learning along the way needed to be shared.

The pain I was walking through and the healing I encountered through simply being honest felt life-changing. I wanted to shout to the world that I found the secret to a full life and I wanted it to be shared through a book.

But my social media platform was minimal. I wouldn’t even call it a platform.

I had a whopping 56 subscribers on my sacred little WordPress blog I had created over five years prior. So to my 300 precious Twitter followers, I asked,

Does anyone have any sort of literary agent connection they could hook me up with?

Luckily, my friend was working for a best-selling author at the time. She messaged me and asked if I would be open to self publishing. I scoffed and half-heartedly heard her out.

Self publishing seemed so silly, so amatuer, so overwhelming. But as her words, tips, and resources settled into my mind over the coming days, I thought, “Maybe, just maybe this is the route I need to begin my author career.”

Laying the groundwork

Before I was able to fully dig myself into drafting and ultimately publishing my first book, I needed to grab ahold of and claim my identity as a writer.

Until this point, I had been pretty flaky about calling myself a writer even though I was being paid as a freelance writer. Once I made that mental shift, I began taking myself seriously.

Asking ourselves “why?” about any major adventure is integral to its success. Without knowing our why, we won’t have the motivation needed to push through the hard days (and there will be hard days!).

I wrestled through:

Why do I want to write this book?

Why does the world need this message?

Why will my book be different than what’s already been written?

I then studied the pros and learned from the many authors and creators who have gone before me. Free quality resources are everywhere. I listened to podcasts, read free eBooks, researched all things memoir writing, marketing, and community creating.

Budget breakdown

Have you seen a self published book that looked self published? Me too.

I didn’t want my book to be unprofessional, which meant I needed to invest all of myself and a chunk of budget into it.

Let me be clear: we had zero extra funds for any sort of “book budget.”

We were living paycheck to paycheck, utilizing the gift of food stamps, my husband was in school, and I was working hard as a photographer and freelance writer. We had two babies…TWO under age one.

After seeking counsel, I set a budget of $3,000.

This was more than our monthly income, but I knew it wouldn’t be all in one chunk. Here is the breakdown of how my budget was spent:

Editor — I researched and interviewed a handful of editors. Something I’ve learned as a photographer is someone will always do something cheaper. But cheaper doesn’t mean it’s the right choice. I ended up hiring Ashley Ormon, and have been incredibly thankful for her.

Editor (copy editing, developmental editing, proofreading) — $1650

Editor for two free eBooks used on website — $300

Designer, both interior and jacket — again, I interviewed a handful of designers and landed on two. I was not willing to have a DIY looking book. I chose the designer (Manda Julaine Designs) I had been working with for my brand for my cover, but she had never done an interior so I found Melinda Martin for my interior. Melinda worked so well with the jacket and made the interior cohesive to the exterior.

Exterior jacket with social media and stock images — $300

Interior formatting + design — $400

Online marketing — $300

This may be different for each individual and where your main social platform is. But I used some of this budget to promote on Facebook Pages and Instagram ads.

I paid to promote my free downloadables as well as my book itself! I spread this out over the months and used it to grow my list as well as promote my book.

Website — $250

Create deadlines and meet them

At the end of the day, as a self publishing author, you are the boss of you. You have to create deadlines and meet them.

Personally, I need clear cut ways to process things, so I picked a release date — about nine months out, which is quite rushed — and worked backwards. I also worked with my editor as well as designers to talk about when they needed what done.

Deadlines to pen into your calendar:

Release date!

Mine was September 18, 2017

Book completion — jacket and formatted manuscript

My goal was August 1 — this gave me time to order author copies and give to people to share on their social sites and with their email lists on release day

Manuscript edited + proofread

Before a manuscript can be typeset, it must be fully edited. Ask your designer how much time he or she needs.

My due date was August 1. My designers needed my manuscript by July 1.

My editor and I needed to be finished with my manuscript by July 1.

But what about your non-existent platform?

Valid. I revamped my website in January 2017 and lost my sacred 56 subscribers. My release date was nine months away, I had zero subscribers, and only 1,500 social followers.

Since my memoir is about loss and learning the freedom found in grieving, I created a 3,000 word grief guide, Wholeness Despite the Brokenness, as a free downloadable. You can see how this works here, but essentially, anyone can enter their email address and download it for free.

My goal was to make it to 1,000 subscribers by launch weekend– and I did it!

Along the way, I gained a couple thousand people in my social community as well.

Book launch and release

While listening to Tim Grahl’s podcast The Book Launch Show, it became very apparent that I needed a book launch plan. I focused on building my online community, primarily through my email list and also through Instagram.

In these spaces, I regularly invited people to a private Facebook Group dedicated to my Book Launch Team which I started approximately six weeks before my release day.

My Facebook group only had 131 members in it, but they were active and on my team to launch this book into the world come release day. So they knew exactly what they were promoting, I uploaded a free copy of This Undeserved Life for anyone in this group to read.

During the few months leading up to release day I also had a three-tier list of influencers I hoped would read and endorse my book, either for the front cover or on their space.

The bottom tier was made up of friends and influencers I already had an existing relationship with — people I knew would say yes!

The second tier were influencers I had somewhat of a relationship with, but I was not sure they’d say yes.

The top tier was made up of influencers I was sure wouldn’t even read my email, but boy would it make my day to have them endorse my book!

I had people from every single tier respond, receive a free copy of my book, and endorse it.

This was all woven together as a part of launching This Undeserved Life because I needed other voices to validate what I had written. By the time my book had launched, I had given over 500 free digital copies to people to review, endorse, and share about on their spaces come launch week.

Ready to self publish your book?

If I can find the time, budget, and courage to write a book, so can you. And it can all start with just a few simple steps.

Here are four things you can do today:

Tell someone you are a writer

Answer these questions in written form:

Why do I want to write this book?

Why will this book change the world?

Why is this book different or unique?

Update your website — Make sure you have these pages available at the header:

Contact

About

Blog

Also make sure you have an active and working SUBSCRIBE button

Begin brainstorming what your downloadable freebie could be!

Make sure it is in tune with your brand, makes sense for your audience, and shares your voice.

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