#utterly incoherent rn besties

[pegging-satan]

Listen. I genuinely dislike some people, and I mean absolutely loathe them with every fibre of my being. But I do not come up with hundreds of ways to annoy them or keep logs of what annoys them or think about ways to annoy them 24/7 or even think about them at all. You know who I do think about annoying 24/7? My best friends.

Therefore Dazai is very fond of Chuuya and loves him dearly, platonically, romantically, doesn’t matter, what matters is that they are fond of each other in some way. They do not genuinely dislike each other. Sure, there’s a feeling of betrayal somewhere there but they still talk and work? That’s because of the mutual fondness and understanding. Maybe they just don’t want to lose each other because for daz this was his only partner the same age as him, in a world surrounded by adults who did bad, bad things, who he could just Be A Kid with, and for chuu the only one who saw him as a person, who didn’t want to own him for his ability, someone who saw his humanity, someone who he could just Be A Kid with,,,,,….,

Ya know, in a world that they were forced to grow up too soon, to lead, to command bro they were fifteen they didn’t know any better it was their circumstances that made them, it was necessity for survival. If you can’t beat them, join them. They were kids! It was their circumstances that moulded them. It was Mori’s influence that made Dazai believe that the things they did in the mafia were okay, that it was okay to put their humanity and morals aside for the greater good. Negotiations with Chuuya? That boy was fifteen. He could have and was brainwashed and manipulated into joining. None of it was his free will.

They were both kids, victims of circumstance, and under the influence of bad, bad people. No fifteen year old is strong enough to shoulder the burden of the world, or mature enough to understand the ‘why’ or the consequences of their actions. And if they’re traumatised enough don’t even remember what they did or what happened to them. And that’s why it’s so important to have a caring adult around, because the people that surround a kid really do influence the rest of their worldview. And it can change depending on the kinds of people they associate with. Just look at how Akutagawa turned out, how Dazai got out of the dark side because of Oda, the way Fukuzawa raised Ranpo,,,,,, you get what I’m sayin?

And because of all these responsibilities thrust upon them at such an early age they saw each other’s company as almost comforting because they never expected anything from each other. Yes they worked well together, but it was because of that deeper understanding they had with each other. They know that there will be no bad blood between them because they just get each other. In the similar circumstances that they were raised, they sought comfort in each other in a way. They could live without each other, but would rather not yk?