#v: the catwoman: i aim to displease. (crimeloyalty)

[godblooded]

@crimeloyalty (x)

i have this problem where i keep finding myself back in the same place over and over again. i have this problem where i’m constantly accidentally attached to a giant bat. i have this issue where i don’t know how i find him, don’t know how he finds me, but it never stops happening. and then we find each other, and sometimes we both have this problem where we can’t seem to get away from each other.

( he’s my big mistake. the kind of thing you don’t risk. the kind of thing a cat doesn’t risk. i can’t afford to go soft but i can’t do anything in his hands except fall apart and i let him know that as deep and hard and sharp as i can. )

i want to call him a coward afraid of my claws. i want to leave a million red fucking paintings across his back. i want to maul him into an artpiece i can’t stand until his blood’s drying and sticky in the creases of my palms. i want to do anything but what i know i do, which is go to pieces the second his stupid fucking mouth attaches to my neck. he’s the worst decision i’ve ever made. he’s a bad choice i keep choosing and i’m choosing it again.

i’m selfish. go fuck yourself.

“ sure. i’ll get us tickets to a movie while i’m at it. ”

i have no room to be biting or snarking at him. i’m not in a position as much as i could be, and handing the reins over to the bat feels equal parts relieving and incredibly idiotic. jeans or a dress. yeah. i’ll make sure to get an afternoon res at brasserie. we’ll share dessert brought by waiters overly obsessed about how much we like each other, and there’ll be some bullshit la vie en rose street performer down the block conveniently playing just for us. and i’ll wear a dress or jeans.

( i can only just barely breathe when i straddle his knee and he’s good enough to keep me level, but i’m expert enough to keep myself steady. it’s not a thing i think about when i do it -- learning to lean exactly the right way to accommodate every shift. it’s enough to pang between my legs and kill me for a second, but i love bad decisions, and i’m happily carrying out as many as i want, and this one could be so much worse. i know how to move two ways: the way i do, and the way he gets me to. )

he’s too close. he’s so close. i obsessively think about how close, about his mouth too near all those unpretty little marks, and i think about how he’ll hopefully never ask, never question, never breathe a word about it. i can feel his fingers on the back of my neck where there’s almost a crater of scar tissue under my hair, an indent about the size of a fat, burning cigar. i’m too dizzy to even think about anything once he kisses me and i’m angry with myself for the way my thoughts just scatter. i’m angry with myself for going blind, and his mouth is covered in smudges of bright red. i have to hold on tighter or i think i’ll faint.

he brushes against me and i gasp into his stupid mouth. it’s cold and i don’t care. there are worse things i could be doing than deciding to let batman fuck me on a roof until i undoubtedly puncture suit and have to remind myself how to apply pressure before i accidentally perform surgery on him. it takes semi lucidity to realize how far i get before i almost really hurt. i hate the fact that i stop myself, because the only thing i want other than crying out hard against his neck is to dig into him and keep going until i black out.

i black out, but mostly because i can’t stop gripping so tight, mostly because my fingers ache where they’re bending. my knuckles crack so loudly i hear it in my ears but i think it’s just me. it takes me a second to even realize he’s the only thing i can taste and i’m chasing his movement to loop my arms around his neck and melt into him. my skin looks like i’ve been in a war with a vacuum cleaner. there’s one mark in the hollow of my throat that feels like a bee sting when i swallow. i blink behind the mask, try to remind myself how to breathe. batmobile. i kiss him, this time, something like i mean it and i need it to be clear just how much. i bite down hard enough to taste metal and i’m all the more fucked for it.

“ carry me. i shouldn’t have to walk. ”

[godblooded]

@crimeloyalty (x)

you saw it as an opportunity. i want to laugh until there's no air left in the world for either of us to breathe. just like him to say some bullshit like that. stepped up when no one else would. i want to ask him if he thinks anybody even can. if his pointy ears are so far up his own ass they're going to rupture his colon -- or if they have and it's why he's suddenly so stupid. i think about the way his neck would sound if i snapped it in my hands like a toothpick or if that thickfuckingnecked halloween mask would manage to stop me. goalies in ice hockey have neck protectors to prevent having their throats opened -- i'm going to figure the suit has the same mechanisms.

he makes my hands itch. under my gloves, my hands itch. my whole body is too awake. i'm suddenly on a rooftop in the middle of gotham about to dismantle the caped crusader with my own claws.

so i do.

it's a flash out enough to rake across a cheek, to push myself back against a wall enough to swallow blood and fear. i need to regroup for a second. now i can imagine the sound my own neck makes when it snaps and the bat kicks my body off the side and into the white castle dumpster never to be seen again. now i can imagine nothing but those eyes and struggling to breathe until a hand can finally let me go and all my bones drop in a pile on the concrete. i can't breathe, suddenly, all on my own, and i'll passionately hate myself later for brushing the side of my neck with my fingers like i'm bothered, like he's upset me. i think about dying so fast i think my eyes sting.

" don't fucking touch me. "

i don't have a threat to back it up. i don't have a creatively violent statement i can make. it's barely there and i hear my tone drop low enough that the sound of my own voice is there where it doesn't belong. when my back hits the wall, i breathe out, just once, hard, and i click my claws together. click click click.