#vegaspete makes me wanna ramble

[qlventingspace]

Buckle up darlings, because I'm gonna expose you to my weird ramblings and sorta self-exploratory shit regarding asexuality and kink.

(this is your cue to leave if you don't wanna hear that)

After a chat with my dear friend I realized that it baffles me (in a good way, like wow this is so interesting!) how many differences there are in acespec people. How many factors are influencing our view on sexuality and how many details are often needed to explain our sexuality and our unique take on relationship with sexual stuff and relationship stuff.

You could generalize and say, asexuality is lack of sexual attraction. And it sorta is...but then... it also isn't, not always.

It's little to zero sexual attraction or it is 100% sexual attraction with the right emotional investment for a particular person or it is anywhere from 1% to 100% just under very specific circumstances or it's very randomly and unexpectedly sexual attraction or it's attraction only to fictional people and not real people or it's attraction to person as long as they don't reciprocate or...

I'm not even sure how many more different and unique details there can be that are all very different and specific but at the end of the day it just all boils down to asexuality.

I think most aces either knowingly or unknowingly doubt their aceness.

And if you throw in some confusing stuff which is not usually stated as the "universal asexual experience" then you come out of it even more confused.

Am I ace if...?

Okay, so we handled sexual attraction. How about some views on sex?

The usual: sex-positive, sex-negative, sex-indifferent, sex-favorable, ... Describing your view on sex in general, your view on others having sex, or how you yourself feel about participating.

Not confused enough yet?

Throw in some libido, then.

Masturbate just because your body needs an outlet? To relieve stress? Just cause you're curious? Or do you also enjoy it? Seek it out? You like to look at some nsfw pictures? Like to get horny? Imaginary situation to get you off is fine but not real life? And what about your special someone, real life is not okay unless it's about them?

You still with me? Still not confused enough?

Alright then, throw in Kink.

How is it that you have kink while being ace? How can you be ace if you enjoy certain kinks? *horrified gasp* Kinks while masturbating?! *clutches pearls* Are you still ace? Are you not just pretending or scared of relationships? (imagine annoying inner voice)

And now to me.

It surprised me how many people who are engrossed in VegasPete and absolutely adore and love and identify with kinky king Pete are asexuals.

I'm not saying all of you are kinky and it's none of my business. Fiction is fiction and we often love characters we do not identify one bit with.

But...

For me, Pete was kinda revelation. Distant memory. And longing.

And oh boy it had led me into another fit of re-discovering myself and re-discovering or perhaps also reshaping my view of my own asexuality.

Often people see aces as innocent, naive and awkward regarding sex and sexual situations.

So to see people headcanoning Pete (kinky and incredibly not innocent Pete!) as demi might not make sense to many people. It does to me.

I am not immune to the deep-rooted view I adopted through my more than 20 years of living "heavy kissing inherently leads to sex" and "engaging in kink is also inseparable from sex"-

I still struggle with the thought that kink doesn't need to be linked to sex. I am baffled by the thought that people do kink with other people. Or in front of other people. My mind just don't wanna grasp that.

But at the same time I understand that some things feel good on their own. And some things feel good with the added bonus of slightly different kinds of pleasure.

There is also a very clear distinction for me when I think about doing this things alone vs. doing them with imaginary someone in imaginary situation vs. doing them with someone in real life.

Bit lacking still good, good plus longing and get this away from me.

Many experiences like this seem to be in stark contrast from the experiences of the ace majority (or at least most talked about experiences that seem to be complete nah or mostly indifference towards sex, masturbation and kink). It has lead me to questioning if I am actually ace, when I have this weird relationship with sexual stuff and yet...somehow, I never felt anything but asexual.

M' point is, I don't think I had a point.

BUT I wanna spread different ace experiences and if this helps at least one ace to find themselves or to stop doubting themselves than it is worth it.

Unless tumblr decides again that my posts are not worth sharing in the assigned tags in searches, lol.

[having-conniptions]

KinnPorsche ep 13 Rewatch Rambles:

The op always gets me so pumped

OH HOLD ON OH FUCK I NEED TO PAUSE 1 SECOND INTO THE EPISODE BECAUSE I KNOW VEGAS IS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING THAT MADE ME HAVE TO PAUSE 5 SECONDS INTO THE EPISODE THE FIRST TIME AROUND BC I NEEDED TO COLLECT MYSELF

I AM NOT READY

SO I'LL JUST BE STARING AT VEGAS AND PETE HOLDING HANDS AND LOOKING SOFT AND PRETTY

Also I wanna know when and how Vegas put the one handcuff back on Pete's wrist I NEED TO KNOW

"Do you know how sexy you are?" WELL VEGAS DO YOU KNOW? BECAUSE AAAAAAAAAA *yeets myself into the sun*

And Vegas' thumb gently stroking Pete's palm?? why is the most unhinged couple also the most sensual and soft one I am going to flip

Vegas honey you're still a freak

The way he looks at Pete, the way he smiles at him... 😭❤️

Omg the "lunch with dad" scene aaaahhh the awkwardness

Also the lack of communication between Kinn and Porsche YET AGAIN

VEGAS COOKING FOR PETE AND HAVING HIS INGREDIENTS PREPPED AND READY TO GO LIKE THE WIFEY THAT HE IS

AND HE LOOKS SO HAPPY WHILE DOING IT 😭❤️ and the food looks sooooo good

Sorry I'll be very annoying about VP in this ep

Homophobic Dad™️ interrupts yet again and Vegas goes straight back to hurt little boy mode (but with a touch of sass this time)

Kinn trying to communicate but being unable to do so without flirting is so on-brand

Side note: Porsche bounces his leg when he's stressed

TALK TO EACH OTHER

Nooooo I can't go through the VP drama again

When Vegas sits down next to Pete and they look at each other you can tell something has changed for both of them. Something has shifted. Holy fuck this hurts

Vegas trying soooo hard not to lose it in front of Pete even though it wouldn't be the first time, the shift in their dynamic and Vegas' fear of vulnerability making him overcompensate with anger and violence, Pete switching from "hopeful" to "just fucking kill me" because all he really wants is to get out of there, with or without Vegas, dead or alive, he's confused, he's overwhelmed, he's hurt, he's ashamed, WILL THIS COUPLE EVER STOP MAKING ME INSANE? NO

Again Tankhun is the only one with at least one braincell

VEGAS' FACE WHEN PETE SAYS "NOT EVEN MY HUMANITY" HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO PASS OUT HE REALIZED WHAT HE'S DONE AND AS SOON AS PETE STARTS WITH THE SELF-HATE VEGAS IS SCARED OUT OF HIS MIND HE IS SO SCARED TO HURT HIM EVEN MORE SO SCARED TO LOSE HIM

The harder you hold on to something the more it slips away huh

The way Pete gingerly touches Vegas' face one last time before apologizing and knocking him out I AM GOING INSANE

Khun's funeral outfit kinda slays

If I fully believed Pete was dead I'd cry like that too

Porsche hiding behind Kinn's back by climbing him like a tree will never not be funny

This show switches between angst and comedy so effortlessly istg

Speaking of which, back to angst.

"Tell me who did it, I'll handle it right away" oooooh but Pete doesn't want that does he

"Please believe me. I'm asking you" 😭😭😭 basically please stop asking bc I don't know how much longer I can hold it together if I have to keep lying to you

Kim come on wtf did you expect

THE POLAROIDS 😭 they were together for longer than the show made it look like huh?

Kim fucked up but still it hurts to see him cry

And then it cuts to Vegas sitting alone in front of TWO (2) plates with rice and several bowls of toppings

AND THE WHOLE TIME THE BREAKUP SONG IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

And Vegas is crying into his rice and Pete is crying into his noodles and I am suddenly obsessed with Pete's hands

PORSCHE! TALK TO KINN YOU IDIOT

Pete looks so good wearing jewelry aaaaa and that shirt (I want it) he's so pretty wtf

"And this is for Pete." Porsche is literally bestie goals I fucking love him

"I was blinded by the adults" newsflash Vegas you're an adult too

"SHOOT ME!" whyyyy does VegasPete have to hurt so fucking much

Pete ugly sobbing into Vegas' shoulder was so fucking raw

Porsche knows Kinn's schedule by heart awww

Kinn "meeting" Porsche's parents and immediately shit-talking Porsche hahahahahah

SAPPY KINN AND FLUSTERED PORSCHE 😭❤️

Oh I almost forgot about the balcony pool scene

I can NOT see this scene the same way ever since I noticed the huge "Deutsche Bank" sign in the background it's too distracting 😂

The way Porsche softly caresses Kinn's face while he sleeps and then gets interrupted by a text from Vegas 😭

Kim is worried 👀

Scumbag uncle is still a scumbag but at least he was telling the truth

Wish we could have explored the Vegas & Porsche vs Kinn & Pete dynamic more tbh u know just for the angst

Someone gotta tune that piano

Not Korn having Porsche believe he's Kinn's cousin for a hot second

[fishy-xp]

KinnPorsche Ep 8 Brain Rot

(ghosts and love and trying to ignore the honkee)

Porsche and his fear of ghosts - I don't know if they really just threw that in there for some heeheehaha comedy but I will take the opportunity to superimpose my thougts and call it analysis. I have zero clue about Thai culture and their beliefs in the supernatural so this rambling comes from a secular perspective but I would definitely love to know more about Thai beliefs and relationships with ghosts. But my canon, if you can call it that, is that people who see the underbelly of the world, mafias, murderers etc etc are more inclined to be scared of ghosts because at this point they aren't scared of humans anymore. They know just what humanity is capable of, all the horrible little things about us so it no longer scares them unlike a regular person who would definitely be terrified of their closest serial killer. But death for these types of people is always knocking at the door so at this point he's just an unwanted salesperson. But on the otherhand, ghosts and the supernatural, it provides a sense of uncertainty and the unknown. A human, no matter how bad, is still limited by their mortality. They will die if a bullet is put in them, Porsche knows this. But a ghost? How tf does one even begin to fight off the ghost of your boyfriend's ex? Is it even possible? So yeah, why wouldn't he be scared of something he knows a bullet won't stop.

I would defend Ken some more, but right now he only needs protecting from KinnPorsche's unending hornkeeness

KINN TAKING SNEAKY BITES WHILST PORSCHE SCOLDS HIM BECAUSE HE'S TRYING TO TAKE A PHOTO IS SO GNTIGJVSKRANFMEDWRNTE, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME

The shift in Kinn in this episode may seem out of character for big bad mafia but for me, someone who loves you will bring out the part of you you could never be in your day to day life. Throughout life, you become this mold of a person that is incredibly hard to change, the roles you fall into seem so natural and you find yourself unconscionously giving and giving to this expectation of yourself. But when you're in love, suddenly, those roles are reversed. Someone else makes the decisions for once, that person draws out the spontaneity to your timetabled-to-the-hour perfectionist. The other person throws a complete hammer in the works and at first, it's anxiety-inducing to be taken out of your comfort zone before you realise it's just the fact you've never been on the receiving end until now. In this ep, Kinn is taken out of his element, put in sheep's clothing and he realises how much of the pretty green meadow he hasn't seen because it's absolutely beautiful. Porsche wanted a beautiful dinner by the river, but Kinn has spent his life in excess, opulence and beauty. But you know what he hasn't done? Sat on the ground next to a fountain and eaten fishballs off a stick. You can look at one thing every single day and the beauty may fade, you bring someone who has never seen this thing before in their life and you will see the stars in their eyes expanding. This is what Porsche does for Kinn. This is why Kinn seems so completely enamoured and happy by the entire day. AND IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES.

I wonder if Kim is like an asshole of endearment? I remember in one earlier episode he said to Big 'why are you still here?' and I just remember thinking WOW WHAT A DICKHEAD WHY HE WANNA CATCH THESE HANDS. But then this time, his very thinly veiled 'joke' about Porsche being his dad's secret child makes me wonder if he's actually friendly with Big but in the insult your friends type of way.

Okay I really can't remember anything else from this episode other than soft KP (like the bread) and then very very hard KP (like Kinn's Magnum pistol lmfao, send help)

Sidenote, I was also one of the people eagerly awaiting some VegasPete and I'm absolutely feral because I was convinced we would have a Killing Stalking moment of Vegas of giving Pete some severe blunt force trauma to the head as the final cliffhanger scene. So now I've decided absolutely not to listen to KP Tumblr because the way y'all got my hopes up SHSHSHSHHS