#vince mcmahon is often referred to as the best heel in wrestling but does it even count when you're a villain irl too???

[samijey]

You have a funny way of showing it

[scheduledfor1fall]

Royal Rumble 1993 Review

Hello, everyone. After a (very) prolonged absence from the blog, I’ve finally decided to go back to reviewing some old WWE Network content, continuing from where I left off in 1993. I’ll be sticking with the more accessible, shorter reviews of matches, with an addition of personal star ratings. I should note that given the various styles of wrestling out there, even those seen in WWE, there really isn’t meant to be a thorough consistency to my ratings across all matches. For instance, I may genuinely enjoy Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit from the 2003 Royal Rumble more than I would Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio from Halloween Havoc 1997, and still give them both 5 stars. Ratings, in my mind, are not only subjective to an individual’s tastes, but also relative to the match. It may seem like my ratings are more similar in style to someone like Roger Ebert, who made no secret that his 4 star rated movie reviews were relative to the movie itself, rather than Dave Meltzer, who I believe rated Omega vs. Okada from WrestleKingdom 6 stars due to his belief that rating it 5 stars would be equivalent to saying the match was on par with a match like John Cena vs. CM Punk from Money in the Bank 2011. With all that out of the way, let’s get on with the review of the 1993 Royal Rumble!

 Right of the bat, we start with a shot the crowd, live in Sacramento, California, and are welcomed by Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon. I’m very grateful they stuck with these two for PPV commentary, as opposed to the peanut gallery on Raw. Out come the Beverly Brothers to signal our opening contest, and my god, do they have some of the most gaudy purple capes I’ve ever seen in my life. Out next are the Steiner Brothers, and, as always, I get a chuckle out of seeing a young Scott Steiner. I’ve got to say, if nothing else, the Big Poppa Pump look definitely made him look like more of a standout attraction.

 RICK AND SCOTT STEINER DEF. BLAKE AND BEAU BEVERLY BY PINFALL VIA FRANKENSTEINER:

 Not a blowaway match or anything like that. Just a perfectly decent showcase match for the Steiners, who did a great job of playing both dominant faces and faces in peril. The Beverlys did a perfectly good job of playing the underhanded heels, and this made for a fine start to the show. I should also note that after the match, they did a replay entitled “The Brain Scan,” which came off as a really low-rent John Madden analysis by Heenan, complete with some of the worst chalk marking you’ll see this side of a hopscotch game. I mean, it was funny, but not something I’d probably put on PPV. ** 1/2 stars.

 We go to a video package detailing Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty’s history with each other, starting from their time as the Rockers, to the infamous Barbershop segment, all the way to Jannetty’s return, which sees him accidentally break a mirror over Sherri’s head. Sherri comes out first to a pretty lukewarm reaction. You’d think people would feel more sympathy for a woman who had a fucking mirror broken over her skull. She’ll be in a neutral corner for this match. Out next is Marty Jannetty, to the old Rockers song. Shawn’s out next to the so bad it’s good version of “Sexy Boy,” as sung by Sherri. I’d be remiss if I did not point out the powder blue strap Michaels has on the IC title. Better than yellow, I suppose, but still pretty icky.

 SHAWN MICHAELS DEF. MARTY JANNETTY BY PINFALL VIA HIGH HEEL SHOT AND SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO RETAIN THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE:

 Really good stuff here. The story of the match was Michaels working over the injured left shoulder of Jannetty, until the tides turned once Sherri slapped Michaels across the face. From there Jannetty kept throwing different moves Michaels’ way, with Michaels kicking out of each one. The finish came when Michaels elbowed the referee, allowing Sherri to intervene once again, attempting to hit Michaels with her heel while Jannetty restrained him with a full nelson. Cue Michaels ducking the hit, much like he did with the mirror, followed by a Sweet Chin Music for the win. These two would go on to have better matches than this one, and obviously Shawn’s best days were yet to come at this point. But for a follow-up match to an angle filmed a year prior, this holds up as a pretty fun match. *** 3/4 stars.

 After the match, we see Mean Gene try to interview a distraught Sherri, which includes him shouting at her “Damn it! Sherri, you are hysterical!” The more I see of Mean Gene, the less I see him as a kind uncle type, and more of a drunk, mad at the world uncle type. Michaels shows up to confront Sherri, but is attacked by Jannetty from behind, causing a pull-apart fight between the two. What was the immediate follow-up to this, you may wonder? If you guessed “Jannetty gets fired due to drug/alcohol problems,” give yourself a pat on the back, because that is exactly what happened. Supposedly, he was released due to rumors stating that he was under the influence during the match. Jannetty for his part blames Michaels for starting the rumor, while an Observer from the time points out that Jannetty had been on probation for an arrest the month prior, making the decision to fire him easier. In any case, this would not be the last match between these two, nor would it be the last time Jannetty was fired shortly after his return.

 We cut to Heenan and Monsoon doing their “belligerent old men arguing at a family reunion” routine over what we’ve just seen, and then to the next entrance, as Bam Bam Bigelow comes out. Out next is Big Boss Man, as we get ready for our clash of the hosses here.

 BAM BAM BIGELOW DEF. BIG BOSS MAN BY PINFALL VIA DIVING HEADBUTT.

 On paper, this match sounds rather promising. Many people are aware of how gifted Bam Bam Bigelow was as an athlete, and Big Boss Man is probably just a notch below him in terms of talented big men in the business. Unfortunately, whatever expectations I had were dashed by this match. For one, Boss Man did not look like he was at his physical best here. Just in the way he moved and sold, it seemed like he was probably a bit out of shape at this point. At one point, Boss Man landed on the outside, supposedly hurting his back, which lead to several segments of heat based around Bam Bam working over Boss Man’s back with various holds and headbutts. These parts of the match were really dull, and unfortunately made up a good chunk of the match. At another point in their careers, this match may have been slightly better, but Boss Man was just not at his peak here, and it lead to a dull affair. * 1/4.

 We get a clip of Razor Ramon attacking Owen Hart backstage, leading up to his WWF Title match against Bret Hart here tonight. We then get an interview from the previous night from him, during which he promises to add Bret’s gold to his own collection, referring to his jewelry. Amusingly, there’s a Kings game going on in the background, as this was recorded in the arena the day before. A quick Google search shows that they beat my Minnesota Timberwolves that day. God, does it suck to try and follow basketball as a Minnesotan. We get the introductions as Ramon comes out to some impressive heat. We then get an interview with Mean Gene talking to Bret. Bret promises to defend his family’s honor and make Razor pay for what he’s done. Bret’s out next to a pretty big reaction. They show Stu and Helen Hart at ringside, and I kind of wonder how many times the WWF flew them out for these shows. Guess we’ll see as we progress through the years.

 BRET HART DEF. RAZOR RAMON BY SUBMISSION VIA SHARPSHOOTER TO RETAIN THE WWF TITLE:

 Fun, well-paced match here, that saw Razor work over the ribcage of Bret and overpower him with his height advantage, while Bret tried to wear him down, culminating in an awesome exchange which saw Bret go for an unsuccessful Victory Roll type move, only to turn it into the Sharpshooter for the win. Probably not really on the level of some of Hall’s best matches, and certainly not Bret’s, but a fun, often overlooked title match nonetheless. *** 1/2.

 Cut to Bobby Heenan standing in front of a black curtain, preparing to unveil Narcissus to the world. I hate to sound like a dick, but every time Heenan says “Narcissus,” his lisp seems to render it “Narthiththith,” which I found to be kind of amusing. Anyway, the curtain is cast aside, and we get… Lex Luger! Luger basically does the Chris Masters kneeling routine, before posing in front of a huge tri-mirror, all while Heenan gives him a pep talk. Heenan name drops Mr. Perfect, before Luger cuts a promo about how he plans to make the other wrestlers bow down to him, including Mr. Perfect. This Narcissist gimmick is pretty much death, and the crowd seemed to agree, as they made very little noise during this segment, even when his name was revealed. I could make a joke here about Vince McMahon or the WBF, but I’ll take the high road on this and just say that this boring, shambling segment could be a sign of things to come with Luger down the road.

 Howard Finkel introduces “Caesar and Cleopatra,” a tie-in to the upcoming Wrestlemania IX PPV at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. Boy, wait until we get to that one. The Caesar guy invites us to join them at Wrestlemania, and reminds us that the Rumble winner will get a shot at Bret Hart for the WWF Championship at Wrestlemania IX. The guy was actually not that bad, but Jesus, did this come off as corny. Back to Howard Finkel, as we get our first entrant, Ric Flair! Heenan reminds us that Flair had won the Rumble the previous year by coming in at #3. #2 is Bob Backlund, to a very tepid reaction.

 YOKOZUNA WON THE 1993 ROYAL RUMBLE TO EARN A WWF CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA IX:

 Some quick notes throughout the match:

-Backlund ended up setting the longevity record at 1 Hour, 1 Minute, and 10 Seconds, a record that stood until I believe 2004, when Chris Benoit broke it en route to winning the match. At first, Backlund came off like an antiquated, goofy old babyface, especially compared to Ric Flair, with whom he started the match. As time went on, however, the crowd seemed to be genuinely behind Backlund, cheering every time he escaped elimination, and booing loudly when he was eliminated near the end of the Rumble. Backlund’s success as a babyface in this era was dubious at best, but he deserves a lot of credit for getting a reaction despite lying there most of the match.

-Jerry Lawler made what I believe was his in-ring debut in the WWF by entering this match at #7. He would eliminate Max Moon, before being eliminated himself by Mr. Perfect.

-Genichiro Tenryu, who had wrestled at Wrestlemania VII, and was the owner of SWS, a Japanese wrestling promotion which would occasionally co-promote with WWF, made the first of his two Royal Rumble appearances here.

-Giant Gonzalez, best known for his insane height of 7’7, debuted here, eliminating The Undertaker, despite not being a participant in the Rumble himself. I suppose this was a pretty par for the course mid 90’s “Undertaker feuds with and slays the giant” feud starter, but it came off as pretty silly, thanks in part to Gonzalez’s stupid air-brushed muscle and hair bodysuit. I’m not saying he should have been put in a loincloth or anything like that, but was there anything wrong with the athletic shorts he wore in WCW? Why the hair? Why any of this?

-Carlos Colon, the father of Carlito and Primo, as well as the uncle of Epico, appeared here, and, yes, Gorilla Monsoon did indeed refer to him as a “youngster.” Seeing as Colon was approaching 45 by this point, I would assume Monsoon was being facetious, but WWE.Com also refers to him as a youngster in the description of a clip of him in the Rumble. I suppose compared to Monsoon himself, or even the work of Michelangelo, Carlos Colon probably would qualify as a youngster.

-The finish saw Yokozuna missing a running splash into the corner on Savage, causing him to fall. Savage then followed up with an elbow drop before inexplicably going for a pinfall on Yoko. Yoko then tossed him over the top rope to win the match and become the first man to earn a shot at the WWF Champion at Wrestlemania by virtue of winning the Rumble. Caesar and Cleopatra returned to congratulate Yoko, and I honestly think it would’ve been funny if he just leg-dropped Caesar right there.

 Though it accomplished the task of making Yokozuna look like a world-beater deserving of the main event at Wrestlemania, this had to be one of the dullest Rumbles I can recall seeing. A lot of laying around, goofy characters and relatively unknown guest stars made for a pretty hit and miss match. I’m not really sure I can give this a star rating, but it would probably be on the lower end of the spectrum if I had to.

 OVERALL THOUGHTS:

It’s tough for me to dismiss this entire show. After all, both title matches delivered in their own ways, and the opener was decent enough. But as a whole, the show felt like just a very middle of the road production; nothing to condemn too harshly, but nothing that I can really stand up and say “go out of your way to see this immediately.” As good as Michaels vs. Jannetty was, they’ve truthfully had better matches, and there are certainly better Bret Hart matches from this time. Overall, if you’re going through and watching every Royal Rumble, or every show from 93 like I am, it’s not all that bad. But for casual viewing purposes, this would probably be a show worth skipping.

 That’s it for now. Next time, we’ll delve into the first Raw review on the blog in over a year and a half. Will it be enjoyable? Will the build to Wrestlemania continue? Who will win the loser leaves town match- Mr. Perfect or Ric Flair? Will Rob Bartlett be an annoying dipshit? Stick around to find out the answers to these questions, and many more.