#vs knowing at least w my fics i have some kind of audience but there's no guarantee anything original i do will ever be read

[coldflasher]

going from being excited by all my wips to having an existential crisis about how much i love all of them and how i’ll never have the time or motivation to do them all and spiralling and i have to WORK all the time when all i wanna do is write and then when it’s time to write i can’t write anyway and everything i write is bad and i don’t write as much as i want to and editing takes me 48 years and liwhfk;ehfe;fe;wk

in the words of mr barry allen i am NOT FAST ENOUGH

[aahsokaatano]

King I would love that essay about Changing Channels

Fjdjshjdhdjd thanks for reading my tags Jesse you're the real VIP here.

Okay SO "Changing Channels" is the 8th episode of the 5th season of Supernatural. I give this information bc it's important in looking at the context of the episode - now I've complained a LOT about how SPN is terrible at giving us canonical timeframes within the episodes (y'all i was SHOCKED to discover the first season is supposed to cover a little over a year's worth of time, I thought it was like... 4 or 5 months) so I can't say for sure how long before and after the other episodes happen in-universe around "Changing Channels" BUT

The episode before is "The Curious Case of Dean Winchester" where Dean and Bobby bet years of their lives in a game of poker with a witch. The episode after is "The Real Ghostbusters" where Sam and Dean end up at a fan convention for the in-universe Supernatural novels.

Why am I pointing this out? Because it's important, please, no audience participation, this is like a Brian David Gilbert panel.

[under a cut bc this got...... STUPID long. Who knew I still had this many opinions about SPN in 2020?]

Okay first of all I wanna talk about the cinnamon topography of this episode - I love the way the first 5 seasons are shot because you really feel the americana gothic horror aesthetic they were going for (I have a whole ‘nother rant about the first 5 seasons vs the last 10 but thats for another time). Everything is a little washed out and grey-toned, the camera angles generally serve to make Sam and Dean appear even taller than they actually are (larger than life - again, another post for another time), and there’s honestly a LOT of shots from the ‘monster’s’ perspective, which is really neat! I’ve said it before (on another blog - YES i have a dedicated spn rant blog, don’t @ me hdjfhfjfh) but the episode that really got me hooked on spn back in the day was the second one, about the w*ndigo. Yes, it’s a racist, culturally appropriating shitstorm, but the way its SHOT is fantastic. I’m honestly not a horror fan, but that episode could have easily relied on jumpscares and they DIDN’T and it was scary as all fucking hell and just - fuck okay getting off topic. 

In “Changing Channels” we get that distinctive grey-washed tone in the beginning and the very end of the episode, but the middle? When they’re in TV Land? Everything is bright. Almost comically so, I mean - okay look at these two shots of Sam (apologies about the crappy phone pics, netflix won't let me screenshot)

This one is from the start of the episode, in the "real" police station

And this is from a little later in the "TV" hospital

Ignoring that my phone is washing him out a lot in both pics, you can still see the warmer tones in the hospital shot as compared to the cold greyness in the police station one

Okay, now look at this picture

Dean inside the Impala, and those warm tones are back. Why? Because even though Sam and Dean believe that they’re back in the “real” world, they aren’t - so instead of the grey-washed shots that we’re used to, its the bright and warm shots that we see in “TV Land”! So the viewers pick up, even if its just subconsciously, that the boys aren’t out of the woods yet - everything is still too bright to be the in-universe reality we’ve come to expect from SPN by season 5

Which is also why i love this shift so much

These shots are literally SECONDS apart. The first is in "TV Land" and the second is in the "real" world. I have some red strip lights behind my bed, which are reflecting off my laptop screen - notice how much brighter they seem in the second picture? That’s because literally all of the warm colors have been drained out of the shot. As soon as Gabriel snaps them all back into “reality,” things get so much colder.

Okay, so the second thing I want to talk about is some of the very pointed dialogue choices within the “shows” the Winchesters take part in. Not between Sam and Dan and Gabriel, but from the, for lack of a better term, NPCs within the shows.

In the hospital, Dr. Piccolo tells Sam that he is “the finest cerebrovascular neurosurgeon I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your table; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.” Standard cheesy soap opera dialogue - but lemme just swap some words here and - 

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your hunt; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.”

Or even - 

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So Jessica and Mary died above you; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault [but Azazel’s]. Sometimes people just die.”

Keeping in mind that the NPCs are basically Gabriel’s mouthpieces, its easy to see why so many people ship Sabriel. I’d actually love to see a fic that explores them talking about this moment in particular later on and the kind of gentle forgiveness that Gabriel can give Sam... getting off topic again.

In an abrupt about-face, the herpes commercial (much meme’d within the fandom) is straight up Gabriel shaming Sam. Because if you replace “genital herpes” with “demon blood” it’s.... dark. And very intentional.

So that’s what I did! (I combined all spoken lines to make the message easier to read, rather than splitting them up across 3 speakers as in the episode)

“I’ve drank demon blood. I tried to be responsible... did I try. But now, after being forcibly detoxed, I fight my addiction every day to reduce the chances of passing back into that toxic mindset. Ask your loved ones about a demon blood intervention today. [...] I am doing all I can to slightly lessen the chance of drinking demon blood again. And that’s a good thing.”

Like... the subtext throughout this episode sure is. Something.

Okay this is getting ridiculously long so I wanna wrap up by talking about The Best Scene In The Whole Goddamn Show

I’m talking, of course, about Gabriel’s Confession

“Max,” you might be saying, “there are so many better scenes out there, even within the first five seasons!” and to that i say, again, no audience participation, please. Also, you’re WRONG and here’s why!

Gabriel’s confession hits every goddamn emotional chord that the fandom begged for on this show - fear, rage, grief, pain, guilt, and even, yes, absolution. 

Okay, here’s the scene again for those of you who don’t think about it at least once a week like me

Now this video is missing some of the conversation, but most of it is there, enough for you to see what I’m talking about. Gabriel up to this point has been, essentially, a nameless antagonist - this is the third episode he appeared in, and before this, we didn’t even know he was going by Loki. He was just referred to as ‘The Trickster’. But here, not only do we get a name (a real name at that), but we also get a glimpse of his backstory and a hell of a lot of character development in less than 5 minutes. I mean, Sam didn’t get this much character development throughout the entirety of season 1! There’s a good reason Gabriel has been a fan-favorite for a very long time, and I think a big part of it is this particular scene.

Because here, we get to see Gabriel being vulnerable. And we even see Dean show a little vulnerability, as he can empathize being the third party to explosive arguments between the two people who mean everything to him.

I mean... okay, it will never see the light of day, but I wrote a little bit of a Reverse ‘Verse fic (because I’m a sucker for Reverse ‘Verse) and this was the scene I started with. Not s1e1, not even the resurrection in s4e1, but this scene. Because this scene, more than any other, is critical to the way not only Gabriel’s (first) arc plays out, but also to how Sam and Dean conduct themselves for the rest of the season (and maybe a bit beyond, it’s been a hot minute since I watched s6 and later). Dean is angry but determined, he has a point to make, he is going to save Sammy and if he can’t do that, then he’s going to damn well die trying. But Sam... it’s after this episode that we start really seeing how bone-achingly tired Sam is. It’s after this conversation - where one of the other archangels, one of the few beings who can truly understand how powerful Michael and Lucifer are - says that there’s no other way around this that Sam seems to start inching towards giving in. Saying yes.

Sure, in the actual episode, he seems outraged by the idea, practically scoffs at it - “you want us to say yes to those sons of bitches?” - but it’s after this where Sam really seems run down.

I mean, look at the episodes before and after (HAH you thought I forgot about that first point I made at the very beginning of this post! I did, briefly, but I’ve circled back to it, thanks for being understanding). In “The Curious Case of Dean Winchester,” Sam behaves much as he did since the start of s4, which is to say, ‘annoying little know-it-all brother tossed into the middle of the apocalypse and just trying his best’ and it works well for the mad scramble for any scrap of information that’s happening in s4/early s5.

But in “The Real Ghostbusters” it’s different. This is another funny meta episode - except, while Sam and Dean are technically aware of the joke, they aren’t as amused by it as the audience is. And it’s not because of the ghosts. It’s because they’re just... done. Especially Sam. Dean has that nice little moment with the cosplayers at the end of the episode, but Sam... threatens to shoot Chuck. Sam ‘goes darkside’ more often than pretty much any other character in the show, but that moment is different. It’s a flat promise, not a threat. He’s not being an asshole, like he is after losing his soul. He’s just... done. And it’s obvious to see.

Gabriel’s confession is the turning point for Sam in s5, and it informs a lot of his behavior through the rest of s5, and possibly beyond! Like I said, I haven’t watched past s5 in a very long time, so I don’t feel confident enough to analyze that specific sort of character line, but I feel confident in saying that hearing one of the most powerful beings in the universe basically say “it doesn’t matter what you do - your destiny is unavoidable” and then he’s proven right (Sam says yes to Lucifer, and Dean eventually does say yes to Michael down the line!)... like, that’s really gotta fuck up your world view that was built on free will and throwing off the shackles of fate. Sam managed to avoid his ‘destiny’ in s2... but then it turns out that that wasn’t ever his destiny. Lucifer was his destiny.

Talk about an obscured view of the inner self.

[hmsannlett]

Foe the salty asks:

4. Do you have a NoTP?

25. Would you change the ending of Anna/Hewlett(/Selah)???

4. Anna/Abe is a big nope for me and is probably the ship that irks me the most on the show because there’s so many destructive elements to it, and yet the show just kept pushing it. Their relationship has huge collateral damage for everyone who has the misfortune of getting dragged into it and, imo, does a disservice to both their characters (especially/mainly Anna).

Anna/Simcoe also bothers me, because she could not more clearly be terrified of him, and he uses that against her and doesn’t respect any of the times that she says no to him. It especially strikes a negative chord with me because I’ve been in Anna’s position more than a few times with men that just won’t take a no (although not to the extent that Simcoe took it to), so I truly empathize with the powerlessness that she feels. It’s the worst position to be in, and to feel completely alone like she does makes the situation all the more unsettling.

Both ships are unhealthy in their own ways, imo. Fortunately, neither ship is/has been very popular in the fandom.

25. Oh, goodness. So many thoughts on this. I’ll try to not write a whole thesis here lol and just distill it down to my main thoughts.

In short, yes, I would love a different ending. I will preface all of this, though, by saying that I’d like married couples to be happy with each other and remain together as much as anyone. I’m not completely against the idea of Anna/Selah (though Annlett is my fav and will always be my otp); I just don’t agree with how all of Anna/Selah was written and how Anna/Selah/Hewlett ended.

So, from a writing perspective, I think Selah was brought in too late in S4 to have the character development that he needed after how he was depicted in S1 (and, according to the show’s writers, Anna and Selah were supposed to have a pretty unhealthy dynamic in S1; some of these scenes had to be cut for time constraints, though, so we only get small glimpses of this dynamic). There wasn’t much opportunity to connect positively with Selah in S1 or S4, and as a result, his quick character arc in S4 (to me) breaks the age-old writing rule of showing vs. telling.

There’s no buildup to Anna’s and Selah’s reunion that shows him growing as a character or even what it was that caused him to grow and respect Anna. Why would he suddenly respect her now in S4 more than he did in the first part of S1 after she all but said that she wanted to end their marriage by jumping from the boat, publicly humiliating him, and causing their lengthy separation – during a time period when desertion/an extended period of separation was, in some of the colonies, considered equal to divorce? There’s no apparent motivation (that we’re shown) to inspire his growth. We’re just told as an audience that he’s changed, and I think that weakens the growth that the writers were aiming for. It could be that Selah spent a lot of time reflecting while he was in Philadelphia, but we don’t get to see that onscreen. And for me, what is shown on the screen is much more convincing and effective than whatever we are told happens off-screen.

My other issues with Anna/Selah’s ending are that

1.) If their relationship was so unhealthy before, is his change in how he treats her sustainable? (Would he still treat her with respect after he found out/got confirmation about her affair w/Abe? That tended to make a woman “damaged goods” back then.)

2.) If Anna feels that “he’s not the same man I married,” why then does she seem so upset in 4.10 when they return to Setauket and in the epilogue? It seems like the story ends w/Anna being in exactly the same spot she was in in S1 – unhappy w/her life for whatever reason – and feels like she had more of a character circle than a character arc. She didn’t really end up anywhere different than where she started, even though she had grown so much throughout the show. It just feels like lazy writing to me, and I had really hoped that all of Anna’s sacrifices and growth during the war would be rewarded (even if that wasn’t necessarily a future w/Hewlett like my shipper heart wanted).

Conversely, there was excellent growth shown between Anna and Hewlett, both individually and as a couple. We got to watch each of them grow to respect each other’s character, sacrifice for each other, and fight for each other over the span of almost two seasons – and do so even when both of them felt there was no hope that the relationship could continue. There was a purity and selflessness to their relationship that none of the other relationships on the show were really able to capture, and, imo, is absent from most relationships in films/shows. And I had hoped that that kind of character development would be rewarded or at least considered in S4 after dedicating so much screen time to it. I also feel that Hewlett offers what Anna truly wants: respect, agency, and to be seen as a person, an equal. Like I said above, I don’t know if Selah could offer that level of respect long-term in their relationship. I’d like to hope so, for Anna’s sake, but she definitely doesn’t seem satisfied to me in 4.10.

Anna and Hewlett each left a significant mark on each other and were an enormous part of each other’s individual growth, and I feel like that was largely ignored in S4. For two characters so dedicated to their causes (and practically acting as the epitomes of the two sides’ warring ideologies) to be able to see each other as people and respect the person/character they saw in each other, even at the end of their relationship, is huge. And it seems like the writers just abandoned that without a second thought because they felt that they (finally) had to be historically accurate.

So for me, it’s disappointing that a show that was so heavily focused on character development (and, by and large, executed that development very well throughout the seasons) took what felt like a cop out and didn’t fully realize/fulfill Anna’s, Selah’s, and Hewlett’s individual character arcs. Since the showrunners felt they had to keep Anna/Selah for historical accuracy, I would have preferred that their relationship had been given more time to develop before his arrival in S4 because they had grown very far apart and had significant issues to address before moving forward. But ideally, of course, my Annlett shipper self would have liked the writers to stick with the two seasons of character development between Anna and Hewlett, resolve their relationship, and find a way of kindly writing Selah out (because, tbh, he kind of deserves a better ending too. Anna did betray him deeply, and it’s a lot to ask of him to just overlook/forgive that and move forward with their relationship. Furthermore, I don’t know that Anna is capable of really, truly loving him – it’s always come off as more loyalty/obedience to me – and that’s not a very satisfying conclusion for his character either). And as for how I would end Anna/Selah/Hewlett…well, there is a fic in the works…

Annnnd this is over 1k and has indeed become a thesis, so I’ll leave it at that because this is probably waaaaay more than you wanted lol. This post pretty much hits the nail on the head (succinctly! unlike me lol) with my frustrations about the writing of Anna/Selah/Hewlett and the closure of their character arcs/relationship arcs, as well as the balance of character development and historical accuracy. If you want me to explain any of my litany of thoughts more than I have here (this is the best I can do at an overview of all my thoughts lol; I have many), I can write responses/metas that go into more detail. :)

tl;dr: I wish the show had decided earlier on whether it was going to go with the character development it had created or with historical accuracy, because I don’t feel either Anna/Hewlett or Anna/Selah got the ending they deserved. Annlett was left with two seasons of development unfinished and forgotten, and Anna/Selah was drawn to a close without enough development to make it feel truly convincing for me.