#wanted to watch this before the amanda one comes out. interesting vid. not sure i love the format personally but i see the appeal

[shesmore-shoebill]

"Some of the information we were talking about earlier, just like, when they're trying to figure out our sexualities. In ways that's like: if we haven't talked about it, then it's private. So if we talk about it, then we're inviting that conversation. But...."

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Syntax6

Syntax6 has 17 stories at Gossamer, but you should visit her website for the complete collection of her fics and to see the cover art that comes with many of the stories (and to find her pro writing!). She's written some of the most beloved casefiles in the fandom. I've recced literally all of them here before. Twice. Big thanks to Syntax6 for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I’m delighted but not surprised because I’ve written and read fanfic for shows even older than XF. Also, I joined the XF fandom relatively late, at the end of 1999, so there were already hundreds of “classic” fics out there, stories that were theoretically superseded or dated by canon developments that came after them, but which nonetheless remained compelling in their own right. That is the beauty of fanfic: it is inspired by its original creators but not bound by them. It’s a world of “what if” and each story gets to run in a new direction, irrespective of the canon and all the other stories spinning off in their own universes. In this way, fanfic becomes almost timeless.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

(I feel these are similar, at least for me, so I will combine them here.)

First and foremost, I found friends. There was a table full of XF fanfic writers at my wedding. Bugs was my maid of honor. I still talk to someone from XF fandom pretty much every day. Lysandra, Maybe Amanda, Michelle Kiefer, bugs…these are just some of the people who’ve been part of my life for half my existence now. Sometimes I get to have dinner with Audrey Roget or Anjou or MCA. Deb Wells and Sarah Ellen Parsons are part of my pro fic beta team. I have a similar list from the Hunter fandom, terrific people who have enriched my life in numerous ways and I am honored to count as friends.

Second, I learned a lot about writing during my years in XF fandom. I grew up there. Part of this growth experience was simply due to practice. I wrote about 1.2 million words of XF fanfic, which is the equivalent of 15 novels. I made mistakes and learned from them. But another essential part of learning is absorbing different kinds of well-told tales, and XF had these in spades. Some stories were funny. Others were lyrical. Some were short pieces with nary a word wasted while others were sprawling epics that took you on an adventure. The neat thing about XF is that it has space for many different kinds of stories, from hard-core sci-fi to historical romance. You can watch other authors executing these varied pieces and learn from them. You can form critique groups and ask for betas and get direct feedback on how to improve. It’s collaborative and fun, and this can’t be underestimated, generally supportive. The underlying shared love of the original product means that everyone comes into your work predisposed to enjoy it. I am grateful for all the encouragement and the critiques I received over my years in fandom.

Finally, I think a valuable lesson for writers that you can find in fandom, but not in your local author critique group, is how to handle yourself when your work goes public. Not everyone is going to like your work and they will make sure you know it. Some people will like it maybe too much, to the point where they cross boundaries. Learning to disengage yourself from public reaction to your work is a difficult but crucial aspect of being a writer. You control the story. You can’t control reaction to it. It’s frustrating at first, perhaps, but in the end, it’s freeing.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I participated in ATXC, the Haven message boards, and the Scullyfic mailing list/news group. For a number of years, I also ran a fic discussion group with bugs called The Why Incision.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I started reading XF fanfic before I began watching the show. I had watched one season two episode (Soft Light) and then seen bits and pieces of a few others from season four. I’d seen Fight the Future. Basically, I’d seen enough to know which one was Mulder and which one was Scully, and which one believed in aliens. An acquaintance linked me to a rec site for XF fanfic (Gertie’s, maybe?) so that I could see how fic was formatted for the web. I clicked a fic, I think it was one by Lydia Bower dealing with Scully’s cancer arc, and basically did not stop reading. Soon I was printing off 300K of fic to take home with me each night. I could not believe the level of talent in the fandom, and that there were so many excellent writers just giving away their works for free. I wanted to play in this sandbox, too, so I started renting the VHS tapes to catch up on old episodes (see, I am An Old). After a few months, I began writing my own stuff.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to The X-Files. I’m not a sci-fi person by nature. I think my main objection is that, when done poorly, it feels lazy to me. Who did the thing? A ghost! Maybe an alien? I guess we’ll never know. You can always just shrug and play some spooky music and the “truth will always be out there…” somewhere beyond the story in front of you. You never have to commit to any kind of truth because you can invent some magical power or new kind of alien to change the story. I think, by the bitter end, the XF had devolved into this kind of storytelling. The mytharc made no kind of sense even in its own universe. But for years the XF achieved the best aspects of sci-fi storytelling—narrative flexibility and an apotheosis of our current fears dressed up as a super entertaining yarn.

What eventually sold me on the XF as a show is all of the smart storytelling and the sheer amount of ideas contained within its run. At its best, it’s a brilliant show. You have mediations on good versus evil, the role of government in a free society, is there a God, are we alone in the universe, and what are the elements that make us who we are? If Mulder and Morris Fletcher switch bodies, how do we know it’s really “them”? The tonal shifts from week to week were clever and engaging. For Vince Gilligan, truth was always found in fellow human beings. For Darin Morgan, humans were the biggest monster of all. The show was big enough to contain both these premises, and indeed, was stronger for it. The deep questions, the character quirks, the unsolved mysteries and all that went unsaid in the Mulder-Scully relationship left so much room for fanfic writers to do their own work. As such, the fandom attracted and continues to attract both dabbling writers and those who are serious craftspeople. People who like the mystery and those who like the sci-fi angle. Scientists and true believers. Like the show, it’s big enough for all.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I look at it like an old friend I catch up with once in a while. We’ve been close for so long that there’s no awkwardness—we just get each other! I love seeing people post screen shots and commentary, and I think it’s wonderful that so many writers are still inventing new adventures for Mulder and Scully. That is how the characters live on, and indeed how any of us lives on, through the stories that others tell about us.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I ran the Hunter fandom for about five years, mostly because when I poked my head back in, I found the person in change was a bully who’d shut down everything due to her own waning interest. A person would try to start a topic for discussion, and she’d say, “We’ve already covered that.” Well, yes, in a 30-year-old show, there’s not a lot of new ground…

Most other shows, Hunter included, have smaller fandoms and thus don’t attract the depth of fan talent. I don’t just mean fanfic writers. I mean those who do visual art, fan vids, critiques, etc. The XF fandom has all these in droves, which makes it a rare and special place. But all fandoms have the particular joy of geeking out over favorite scenes and reveling in the meeting of shared minds. It will always look odd to those not contained within it, which brings me to the part of modern fandom I find somewhat uncomfortable…the creators are often in fan-space.

In Hunter, the female lead joins fan groups and participates. This is more common now in the age of social media, where writers, producers, actors, etc., are on the same platforms as the rest of us. Fan and creator interaction used to be highly circumscribed: fans wrote letters and maybe received a signed headshot in return. There were cons where show runners gave panels and took questions from the audience. You could stand in line to meet your favorite star. Now, you can @ your favorite star on Twitter, message her on Facebook or follow him on Instagram. In some ways, this is so fun! In other ways, it blurs in the lines in ways that make me uncomfortable. I think it’s rude, for example, if a fan were to go on a star’s social media and post fanfic there or say, “I thought the episode you wrote was terrible.” But what if it’s fan space and the actor is sitting right there, watching you? Is it rude to post fanfic in front of her, especially if she says it makes her uncomfortable? Is it mean to tell a writer his episode sucked right to his face?

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I own the first seven seasons on DVD and will pull them out from time to time to rewatch old faves. I’ve shown a few episodes over the spring and summer to my ten-year-old daughter, and it’s been fun to see the series through her eyes. We’ve mostly opted for the comedic episodes because there’s enough going on in the real world to give her nightmares. Her favorite so far is Je Souhaite.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I don’t have much bandwidth to read fanfic these days. My job as a mystery/thriller author means I have to keep up with the market so I do most of my reading there right now. I also beta read for some pro-fic friends and betaing a novel will keep you busy.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I read so much back in the day that this answer could go on for pages. Alas, it also hasn’t changed much over the past fifteen years because I haven’t read much since then. But, as we’re talking Golden Oldies today, here are a bunch:

All the Mulders, by Alloway I find this short story both hilarious and haunting. Scully embraces her power in the upside down post-apocalyptic world.

Strangers and the Strange Dead, by Kipler Taut prose and an intriguing 3rd party POV make this story a winner, and that’s before the kicker of an ending, which presaged 1013’s.

Cellphone, by Marasmus Talk about your killer twists! Also one of the cleverest titles coming or going.

Arizona Highways, by Fialka I think this is one of the best-crafted stories to come out of the XF. It’s majestic in scope, full of complex literary structure and theme, and yet the plot moves like a runaway freight train. Both the Mulder and Scully characterizations are handled with tender care.

So, We Kissed, by Alelou What I love about this one is how it grounds Mulder and Scully in the ordinary. Mulder’s terrible secret doesn’t involve a UFO or some CSM-conspiracy. Scully goes to therapy that actually looks like therapy. I guess what I’m saying is that I utterly believe this version of M & S in addition to just enjoying reading about them.

Sore Luck at the Luxor, by Anubis Hot, funny, atmospheric. What’s not to love?

Black Hole Season, by Penumbra Nobody does wordsmithing like Penumbra. I use her in arguments with professional writers when they try to tell me that adverbs and adjectives MUST GO. Just gorgeous, sly, insightful prose.

The Dreaming Sea, by Revely This one reads like a fairytale in all the best ways. Revely creates such loving, beautiful worlds for M & S to live in, and I wish they could stay there always.

Malus Genius, by Plausible Deniability and MaybeAmanda Funny and fun, with great original characters, a sly casefile and some clear-eyed musings on the perils of getting older. This one resonates more and more the older I get. ;)

Riding the Whirlpool, by Pufferdeux I look this one up periodically to prove to people that it exists. Scully gets off on a washing machine while Mulder helps. Yet it’s in character? And kinda works? This one has to be read to be believed.

Bone of Contention (part 1, part 2), by Michelle Kiefer and Kel People used to tell me all the time that casefiles are super easy to write while the poetic vignette is hard. Well, I can’t say which is harder but there much fewer well-done casefiles in the fandom than there are poetic vignettes. This is one of the great ones.

Antidote, by Rachel Howard A fic that manages to be both hot and cold as it imagines Mulder and Scully trying to stay alive in the frosty wilderness while a deadly virus is on the loose. This is an ooooold fic that holds up impressively well given everything that followed it!

Falling Down in Four Acts, by Anubis Anubis was actually a bunch of different writers sharing a single author name. This particular one paints an angry, vivid world for Our Heroes and their compatriots. There is no happy ending here, but I read this once and it stayed with me forever.

The Opposite of Impulse, by Maria Nicole A sweet slice of life on a sunny day. When I imagine a gentler universe for Mulder and Scully, this is the kind of place I’d put them.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Bait and Switch is probably the most sophisticated and tightly plotted. It was late in my fanfic “career” and so it shows the benefits to all that learning. My favorite varies a lot, but I’ll say Universal Invariants because that one was nothing but fun.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I never say never! I don’t have any oldies sitting around, though. Everything I wrote, I posted.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I write casefiles…er, I mean mysteries, under my own name now, Joanna Schaffhausen. My main series with Reed and Ellery consists of a male-female crime solving team, so I get a little bit of my XF kick that way. Their first book, The Vanishing Season, started its life as an XF fanfic back in the day. I had to rewrite it from the ground up to get it published, but if you know both stories, you can spot the similarities.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

The answer any writer will tell you is “everywhere.” Ideas are cheap and they’re all around us—on the news, on the subway, in conversations with friends, from Twitter memes, on a walk through the woods. My mysteries are often rooted in true crime, often more than one of them.

Each idea is like a strand of colored thread, and you have to braid them together into a coherent story. This is the tricky part, determining which threads belong in which story. If the ideas enhance one another or if they just create an ugly tangent.

Mostly, though, stories begin by asking “what if?” What if Scully’s boyfriend Ethan had never been cut from the pilot? What if Scully had moved to Utah after Fight the Future? What if the Lone Gunmen financed their toys by writing a successful comic book starring a thinly veiled Mulder and Scully?

Growing up, I had a sweet old lady for a neighbor. Her name was Doris and she gave me coffee ice cream while we watched Wheel of Fortune together. Every time there was a snow storm, the snow melted in her backyard in a such way that suggested she had numerous bodies buried out there. How’s that for a “what if?”

What's the story behind your pen name?

I’ve had a few of them and honestly can’t tell you where they came from, it’s been so long ago. The “6” part of syntax6 is because I joke that 6 is my lucky number. In eighth grade, my algebra teacher would go around the room in order, asking each student their answer to the previous night’s homework problems. I realized quickly that I didn’t have to do all the problems, just the fifteenth one because my desk was 15th on her list. This worked well until the day she decided to call on kids in random order. When she got to me and asked me the answer to the problem I had not done, I just invented something on the spot. “Uh…six?”

Her: “You mean 0.6, don’t you?”

Me, nodding vigorously: “YES, I DO.”

Her: “Very good. Moving on…”

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My close friends and family have always known, and reactions have varied from mild befuddlement to enthusiastic support. My father voted in the Spookies one year, and you can believe he read the nominated stories before casting his vote. I think the most common reaction was: Why are you doing this for free? Why aren’t you trying to be a paid writer?

Well, having done both now, I can tell you that each kind of writing brings its own rewards. Fanfic is freeing because there is no pressure to make money from it. You can take risks and try new things and not have to worry if it fits into your business plan.

(Posted by Lilydale on September 15, 2020)

[thedarkenedkeeper]

I had a really vivid dream involving Mark and Jack last night...

...and I'm not okay.

I think now is the time to finally vent and explain what these guys mean to me because after the dream I had, I need some way of venting my feelings. So bear with me, this'll be a LONG post. I apologize in advance!!

For the last three years, I haven't been okay, not entirely. I haven't been "all here" so to speak. To try and keep it brief, every since I graduated in 2014, reality hit me like an oncoming truck - of growing up, how I was going to be an adult and make my own choices, how I would have to either go to school or get a job, make money, eventually move out later down the road, maybe lose connection with friends, etc, etc. On top of this, two very close relatives had passed away two months apart and I had never lost anyone before. And the truth and stress of all of this got to me REALLY bad. And from that point on, my attitude towards things drastically changed. I didn't seem all too excited when I got accepted into university, and when I did go, I really beat myself up. I kept questioning myself as to why I was even there, and convinced myself I wasn't any good, that everyone there was a whole lot better than me. So I dropped out - I avoided my classes and exams, all unknowingly to my folks, who had paid for my education. The next two years only got worse - when I got a few jobs, I didn't seem to care whether or not I would end up getting let go, and just last year, I found out that things between my parents haven't been well. They're still friends and married and live under the same roof, but my mom no longer loves my dad and the fights they had scared my brothers and I so much we were beginning to think they would get divorced.

I started watching Mark, Jack, and a few other YouTubers in November and I found myself watching at least two videos a day because in all honesty, as soon as I pressed play, it seemed like any and all negativity I was going through would instantly vanish. It was like it never existed. I had heard about these guys years ago and had seen a video here and there, but I never was all too interested - I didn't understand the appeal or why they were so popular. But now I do, I totally do. I watch them because they each make me happy. They make me laugh and never fail at making me smile. They know how to entertain their audience and make sure you have about as much fun as they do. And the times when they speak about depression, the need to love yourself, and know you're not alone, it all manages to really tug at my heartstrings. They truly do care about their fans, it's clear as day in their vids, especially the more serious ones. Everytime I watch any one of their videos, my spirits get lifted and I feel like I'm hanging out with a close friend. These guys and their videos are essentially like my therapy - they make me escape from anything negative going on and it's a great feeling. They remind me to stay strong and to not give up, to keep going and know I'm never alone. Their enthusiasm and optimism manage to rub off on me just a bit, and as such, I have been trying hard to keep my head up and think more positive. It's hard, but I'm at least trying and that's what matters.

Now getting into the dream I had last night.

Unfortunately, I don't remember everything about the dream - there are some blurry spots. I don't even remember how it started! I just remember that I was getting ready to go out and was heading out the door to go and meet up with a few close friends to just have a relaxing day. A huge chunk after this is all blurry, so I unfortunately don't remember what led into the next part, but the next part I remember clearly. I had somehow blacked out - I don't know if I was drugged, drunk, I don't know - and I was waking up a bit groggily to suddenly find myself now at my ex-boyfriend's house, except there was a big party going on. And when I mean big party, I mean big! It wasn't just my close friends and I there, there were a bunch of people, some who I had never met! There was a band blaring music, there was a bunch of food and drinks to choose from, there were goodie bags which looked really well put together, and for whatever reason why, both Mark and Jack (my favorite YouTubers) were there, in the back of the room, meeting people and having a great time.  My ex was there. My friend - who had been my best friend for so long but for whatever reason, we don't talk or see each other much anymore - was there with her boyfriend, who was a singer in the band playing there. One of my close friends - who had a crush on me for some time and now I have a crush on him - was there with his girlfriend. Everyone was having a great time!.....Except for me.

I felt invisible, I felt like everyone there was having a blast and didn't take notice in my presence. No one seemed to even notice I was there. I was feeling so many different emotions - I was feeling annoyed, angered, sad, and I was really confused as to how I got there and why a party was going on. And truthfully, I was feeling really uncomfortable being there. I felt like the odd one out, like I didn't belong. Like I was the one person who was invited to the party only out of pity. I felt like everyone there - everyone who was meant something to me - seemed a whole lot happier without me (my ex, my bestie, and my crush). They were all clearly having a great time and didn't notice me, and I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed and upset. So what did I do? I bolted. I bee-lined for the door, left, and raced all the way home, clear across the other side of the neighbourhood, all while taking glances backward to see if anyone was coming after me. I distinctly remember hearing some of them - especially my friends - asking where I was going, why I was leaving, if everything was okay, but I ignored them all. I didn't think anyone cared.

I got home and immediately unlocked the door and got inside to close the door, but the door wouldn't shut, not entirely. There would only be a large enough crack to slip your fingers through. I kept trying to pull it shut, but no matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't close. I was starting to really freak out at this point. I didn't understand what was going on - why I had suddenly shown up at that party, why there was a party, why everyone was having a great time without me, why my favorite YouTubers were there, and why I couldn't close the door. There was too much going on to comprehend and it was seriously upsetting me. I felt like breaking down.

I raced over to the nearby kitchen window to see if anyone had followed me, and sure enough, there were some people from the party who were approaching the house, talking to one another and looking concerned. I bolted back to the door and went to open the door to yell at them to go away, that I wanted to be left alone, only to unexpectedly see both Mark and Jack standing on the doorstep, both looking at me equally as concerned as the people that were waiting by the garage. I froze up, having not seen them walk up to the house at all, and I didn't know what to say. I was more confused than anything. Why were they here?! Why were any of these people here?! What could they possibly want?

I noticed how in Jack's hands he was holding one of the goodie bags I had seen at the party, and there was a tag on it with my name on it in bold italic lettering, clearly informing me that whoever had put together the party had me in mind and had put the effort into making a goodie bag for me. Still not sure what to say, I just watched as Jack handed it to me, and before I could say or do anything, both he and Mark instantly pulled me into a hug. And I'm not talking a quick little hug either - this was a heartfelt hug, the kind you get from someone when you need comforting, the kind when it's tight and warm and you hope to god they never let you go. It was exactly like that. And I was shocked. I didn't understand why they were hugging me, until I heard both of them taking turns at softly whispering to me things like "Everything will be alright....Everything's going to be okay. You're going to be okay...You're not alone, Amanda" over and over again in the most genuine, comforting way possible (I'm tearing up writing this, by the way).

And I lost it. I broke down crying and instantly hugged them back tightly, just letting out all of the sadness, all of the negativity I had been holding inside. It hurt like hell, but they didn't let me go. I could hear that the people who had been out by the garage were now nearby and when I opened my eyes to glance over the guys' shoulders to see them, they were there - my friends - all looking at me concerned but also giving me hopeful looks, almost as if they too were telling me 'everything would be okay'.

My dream ended like that and I surprisingly woke up dazed and confused as opposed to crying. It felt WAY too real too, which only made it all the more upsetting. I kept thinking about this dream all day, and at first, I had no idea why I dreamt up something so vivid and odd. But after a while, I started piecing things together.

The people who were at the party - my ex, my bestie, my crush - they were all people who had made me happy in my life, and the reason I was getting so upset about seeing them was because how everything was changing with them in real life. My ex had broken up with me in December, and since then, I have been happy but at the same time, deep down, I have missed the intimacy and some of the times we had together. My bestie, what with being an adult now, is far more busy with work and moving and such that I rarely get to see or talk to her anymore, and as such, I feel like I've been forgotten or replaced. And my crush, for the longest time, had had a crush on me in grade school and had attempted to get me to like him back, but I never had feelings for him like that. And now I do, when he's already in a relationship, in which it hurts me to see him with someone else.

Having all them together in one room all having a blast without noticing me made me feel horrible, but I think this whole part of the dream was my subconscious telling me that because of these things that have changed, I've made myself become distant. I've become upset by these changes and have deliberately reserved myself, when I shouldn't be - these changes shouldn't get in the way of my friendships.

The part with me running away and getting home to try and close the door was symbolizing how no matter how hard I try to get away from my problems, no matter how bad I want to hide away and convince myself I can be alright on my own, I can never truly get away. I couldn't close the door because no matter hard I tried, I would always have to let someone in. I couldn't shut anyone out, not really. And when it came to get comforted by both my favorite YouTubers, and heard what they said, as well as saw my friends, it was reminding me of both how those guys have been there to comfort me (even though I don't know them personally) and were reminding me how I'm not alone and need to remind myself that my friends actually do care about me.

Fuck, I'm tearing up! That dream was too vivid and far too real, and I can't complain because it pretty much was illustrating how I've been feeling and acting for the last three years. I'm introverted and love my alone time, but I admittedly have been distancing myself from everyone given how I'm scared. I'm scared that everyone is moving on easily without me, that they're all adjusting to adulthood with no sweat - all happy with making money, pursuing their dreams, getting into great relationships - and here I am, not even close to being on the same road as them. It hurts, and I somehow got it in my mind that maybe if I distance myself, things would be better. But I'm wrong, I shouldn't think that way and it isn't helping, it's making the pain worse. And this dream was an eye-opening reminder of that.

These guys may not be my heroes in the way of saving my life - I've never ONCE sunk that low to the point of thinking about suicide and I'm so thankful for that. But they are my heroes in that they're helping me get through any of the dark and negative thoughts I've been occasionally having. They're constantly reminding me to stay strong and fight my inner demons, and honestly, I wish I had gotten into watching their videos around the time when I was going to be graduating. I truly think things would've worked out differently if I had.

If anyone actually read this, I'm glad you took the time to read it and understand what these guys mean to me. Again, I apologize for the long-ass post! It's just that I've seen others' stories and reasons why they look up to Mark and Jack so much, and given the dream I had, I felt now was the best time to vent.