#was this just comphet manifesting itself in a different form | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

garetthawke · 3 years

Text

no offense but i think the differences in needs between the bi and gay communities really starts making itself known when bi posts go on trend on this site over what queer people "should" be doing and what's "better" for them and etc.

like we will always be one community, we will always be stronger together, yes, but we also have individualized needs that get brushed over a lot.

like I've seen a serious increase in trending posts that basically sum up to say "you don't ever need to figure yourself out, just say you're not straight and then never think about it again," which, sure, if you're bi/pan etc. and dealing with a culture that encourages microlabels and figuring out percentages of attraction, its great advice I'm sure.

but it sounds absolutely horrid to a bunch of questioning gay people who have comphet. in fact it's kind of the exact opposite of what's good for that and typically leads to a form of self harm that manifests in gay people settling for people of the expected "straight" gender because its too difficult to confront the fact that they don't have that kind of attraction. (hi! i was one of those people!)

and it bothers me that it gets touted as advice for the lgbt when its very clearly only or mostly applicable to bi/pan people and at least half the time actively harmful advice for gay people.

like "follow your instinct" is terrible, terrible advice for gay people who have grown up learning only how to translate their desires via meeting other people's heterosexual expectations of them. instinct often demands people pleasing or fulfilling idealized fantasies despite how different the reality is.

idk. i wish there was more of a "be true to yourself" nature in these posts, even if that nature is inward reflections and labelling, rather than adamant insistence that there is only 1 good way to be queer.

8 notes · View notes