#was this solidly because one of Crowleys favorite songs is this

[bunnyramen]

Aziraphale has this amazing (yet annoying) ability to memorize words he’s read in books and newspapers, basically anything with paper, and Crowley uses it to his advantage.

While getting the daily Newspaper, Crowley has the bright idea to change one of the newspaper headings and contents to the lyrics of “It's the end of the world as we know it”

Aziraphale reads the whole thing, noting how strange the wording and pacing was (Crowley made sure the chorus is only repeated once to lower the chance of suspicion.)

He does this like a week into the the song comes out, and it's not until after Armageddon that Aziraphale hears this song (for the very first time) come on the radio while driving around in the Bentley.

Like half way through absentmindedly singing through it, he remembers that Newspaper from all those years ago and nearly discorporates due to the fact that he had been set up 30 years ago and it only took just now for it to land. Crowley laughed so hard he nearly crashed, and Aziraphale said his second curse word.

[dwarven-beard-spores]

Nanny Ashtoreth and The Last Unicorn

So a while ago @mirawonderfulstar​ sent me an ask about Crowley reading to Warlock, which prompted meta as well as a chapter in MALWL. They also suggested The Last Unicorn which I haven’t read since I was like 8, so I reread it and confirmed that Yes, this is a good Crowley book, so here! Have some headcanons! Bc there is way too much book to write a proper chapter about.

Uhhh major spoilers for The Last Unicorn under the cut. (922 words)

TL;DR, Crowley gets Way More Emotions Than She Bargained For.

Oh, and I welcome input that builds on this if you’ve got it ;D

-Crowley flipped through the book one time while waiting for Aziraphale and years later thought “yeah, this seems like the fun kind of fantasy Warlock would enjoy.”

-And then the first chapter includes passages like this: “...but then, [the unicorn] had no idea of months and years and centuries, or even of seasons. It was always spring in her forest, because she lived there, and she  wandered all day among the great beech trees, keeping watch over the animals that lived in the ground and under bushes, in nests and caves, earths and treetops. Generation after generation, wolves and rabbits alike, they hunted and loved and had children and died, and as the unicorn did none of those things, she never grew tired of watching them.” and “From that first moment of doubt, there was no peace for her; from the time she first imagined leaving her forest, she could not stand in one place without wanting to be somewhere else… Unicorns are not meant to make choices. She said no, and yes, and no again, day and night, and for the first time she began to feel the minutes crawling over her like worms.” and the unicorn leaves her forest and it begins to age. And Crowley was not expecting Immortality Feelings or Garden Feelings or Experiencing Doubt For The First Time feelings, and she is Overwhelmed. She’ll get to the end of the chapter, she decides, and that will be the end of it.

-But Warlock is already hooked and will have none of that.

-Crowley gives in.

-There is a butterfly the unicorn meets early on who talks in snatches of quotes and poems, and Crowley reads it in Aziraphale’s voice.

-When the unicorn became suddenly aware of aging and time passing and death, Crowley also felt it, felt the years before the apocalypse slipping away. When she finished reading that night she secretly got very drunk.

-Schmendrick says: “It is a rare man who is taken for who he truly is… now I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so must I be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem, and hardly ever what we dream.” “Pay attention,” says Crowley, seeing both a child and an antichrist, knowing he sees a nanny and Aziraphale sees a demon. “Fools in stories have the most interesting things to say.” ”If you believe I’m a unicorn,” Warlock reasons, “does that mean I’ll really be one?”

-Crowley hopes or expects that Warlock will align himself with Prince Lir, that would make things easy. But Warlock is a young child who likes magical creatures and holds sticks to his forehead and whinnys because he thinks the unicorn is the greatest thing ever.

-He charges Aziraphale once and pokes him and Crowley thinks it’s hilarious.

-If anyone asks, Crowley’s favorite character is the skull who knows the way to the Red Bull, whose whole purpose in life is to be a nuisance and who thirsts for wine.

-In reality, she likes Molly Grue the best, because there’s something so solidly human about her.

-Schmendrick turns the unicorn into a young woman, Lady Amalthea, and in a different shape she is afraid she will not be able to turn back, and the longer she lives as a human the more she actually becomes a human. And if you think Crowley isn’t affected by that...

-”I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am full of tears and hunger and the fear of death, though I cannot weep, and I want nothing, and I cannot die. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret.”

-She and Warlock have a long conversation about whether it would be better to be human or a unicorn. It’s ongoing.

-The understanding of life following the rules of story, especially for heroes, is a big theme that they also talk about.

-Look Crowley’s not gonna understand the significance of this now or possibly ever but just tell me that this: “Prince Lir stood between [Lady Amalthea’s] body and the Bull, weaponless, but with his hands up as though they still held a sword and shield. Once more in that endless night, the prince said “No.” He looked very foolish and he was about to be trampled flat. The Red Bull could not see him, and would kill him without ever knowing that he had been in the way. Wonder and love and great sorrow filled Schmendrick the Magician then, and came together inside him, and filled him, filled him until he felt himself brimming and flowing with something that was none of these.” does not give you major tire iron feelings.

-Warlock enacts the final freeing of the unicorn in his bath, and there is significantly more splashing all over the floor than in the book.

-Schmendrick and Molly walk off singing a song about love regardless of deception and I have a lot of feelings about that.

-And most importantly, Crowley absolutely says “Amalthea” on accident more than once when talking to/about Anathema. Sometimes while completely sober.