#wdym you only used us for your own gain and we didn’t have a two sided parasocial bond

[randomshipperhere]

This was one hc that I never really let go in the JSE fandom.

Anti pretty much hates every single one of Jack’s egos but “loves” the viewers.

The reasoning may vary from person to person but that’s the hc.

[wyd-dreams]

my subconscious made me marry jefree star

130420 

 I was standing in a mall in a grocery store, right next to the confections section, where you can always trust the lady behind the counter, a true master of her craft, to pack a piece of cheap fatty cake into a sheet of translucent plastic in a matter of seconds and hand it to your sugar-craving hands. Today however, I was not alone! Next to me stood a girl I know from class, who I’m going to call Sadie just in case she shows up again. IRL I don’t vibe with her but she keeps finding her way into my dreams anyway. 

The lady behind the counter looked at the two of us, squinting, and then challenged us to a food tasting test: she’d give us a piece of something, we’d have to name the ingredients, then we would go to the fish section of the store, get partnered up with some random person to cook the food itself. Sadie and I look at each other in confusion. “Oh fuck, but sure”. This is not the only time in this dream I consented to something weird. 

Anyway, the sweets lady gives Sadie a chunk of sponge cake and a mint-coloured macaron to me. I put it in my mouth. As you do. Still chewing, I say “Cloves, definitely cloves. Also uhh, butter, flour, probably honey? Condensed milk.” As you do? 

The lady’s jaw drops to the floor. She immediately goes “N-nobody’s ever been able to point out the cloves before, how did you know?” 

I take a whole bud out of my mouth like bitch what is this then. I did not, however, tell her that cloves taste like vomit to me. Apparently in this dreamland I got all of the ingredients correct too, so I head to the fish section feeling all proud of my wondrous flavour palette. 

I got partnered up with a lanky middle eastern guy and we got to work. At some point I had the most revolutionary idea of ideas “hey, let’s add sugar into sweets”. Genius. The guy gives me thumbs up and I go around looking for sugar. Little did I know, apparently I stumbled across an oasis of sugar nobody’s been able to find, since walking back with a pack in hands was near impossible. Everybody started clawing at me like a rabid dog, trying snatch the sugar from me. Never fear though, for my cooking comrade charges at me with a shopping cart, picks me up, puts me in the cart and we nyoom out of there. 

We stop in some lounge area on the second floor. How did we get there in a shopping card and, speaking of that, where was the shopping cart? Haven’t got a clue. 

I was looking out the giant window, admiring the lovely pines and casual tornadoes outside, when someone showed me the neat new forum thing someone made. A mixture of a bboard and a daily challenge site, like duolingo but orange and somehow more awful. I don’t remember what the challenges were, perhaps I was too tired from being a culinary genius. What I do remember though, was that the site had a surprisingly functioning chat. It wasn’t amazing, there were no proper notifications or anything, but it did the job. Like a bboard had a weird baby with duolingo AND interpals. Naturally, I start using that function. 

I think I zoned out or something, there’s a gap in my memory, but the next thing I know I’ve said yes (why) to Jeffree fucking Star proposing to me (why) and the guy’s here, sitting on the floor by the wall looking as miserable as ever. Subconscious, wdym?

Now, the interesting part is, my brain somehow managed to make Jeff more confusing than he normally is. In the dream Jeff was explicitly stated to be genderq, used almost exclusively she/her pronouns, was simultaneously doing drag and presenting as they normally do. They were wearing a ghastly pink-lilac amorphous dress thing and their hair wasn’t the iconic bob, it was a choppy, spiky, star-shaped thing. Star, haha, get it. Not that I minded their appearance, it was pretty neat, but like...why Jeff of all people and how the fuck did I say yes. WHY WERE THEY ON THE APP TOO. I feel like this was actually an arranged marriage between a 34y.o. And a 17y.o. Back in the medieval times or some shit, 

So I walk up my fiance Jeffy Jeff and they immediately jump to being all giddy and excited about the wedding. Apparently it was already scheduled to happen on May 24th. Jeff being Jeff, they want to start coordinating the clothing asap. “Cool” I think and the same second we are transported to this giant runway. Jeff is now on about a meter tall stilts, clad in a flowy dress of sunshine golds and yellows, with pineapple-shaped glasses and back to their white bob. Above him there is a counter, a counter of how much money we’re gonna lose of clothing. Gotta love wedding tax amirite? Anyhow, my lovely partnerTM gracefully gestures towards the runway and out comes my classmate Leia, who always shows up in clothing dreams. Neat. She’s on stilts too and is trying to manage walking with reaaaaly fancy frilly pants. She was complaining about them the whole way, but Jeff was amazed anyway. 

What I got from her monologue was that Jeff wanted to see what the guests would wear first and that everyone was bringing their own clothes. I immediately got nervous because I didn’t have anything that would match the level of pizzaz on display here, I didn’t want to be out in one of Jeff’s dresses either because 1) I’m smol 2) no dresses for me, no thank you. I was more anxious about the latter, because I realised I wasn’t out to Jeffy Jeff yet, I was scared they’d reject me or something but at the same time I was hoping they would because about them I started realising “wait I don’t even know them WAIT”. I was losing my shit while my fiance was yelling “THAT’S SPECTACULAR DARLING” in the background. Remember the money counter? Yeah, it showed that actually Jeff was gaining money from all of that.

At some point the fashion show ended and I brought up the courage to go and tell Jeff about my feelings. I go upstairs and they’re on a bed, aggressively making out with some random guy in a buzzcut. Frankly I didn’t care, they can do what they want, instead I went to the window and listened to the birds spilling tea about people I didn’t know. As you do. I walked to the room on the other side of a hallway, which was apparently my sibling’s room, and I found Jeff there, still in their gold dress, just chilling on the floor by the heater. They were petting a rabbit too.

I kneeled beside them, but instead of anything coherent “would she fancy an androgenie” leaves my mouth. Without a shred of doubt they replied with “oh so you don’t know the coda to pilot yet,” and I said “my words exactly luv.” Needless to say, the wedding wasn’t canceled. 

So I went back downstairs and started ranting about it to this random girl with red hair. Mostly about how I don’t even know the person. She looked me dead in the eye and said “you did talk to Skye for years tho.” And I immediately went “shit ur right I do know them,,,,, but  idk if I want to marry yet yknow.” She suggested I at least try to maybe postpone it a month or two and then I remembered that I hadn’t yet told my family about my engagement. 

And then I woke up on a cliffhanger.