#we all have that homie who has an air of suffering behind his eyes type deal

[bmpmp3]

i really love when shoujo manga protagonists are like sweet and goofy and fun normal girls who are also haunted by horrors and traumas beyond our imaginations. like the whole:

[amuelle]

The third wheel date. Part 3: The final blow….

The car ride of death….

After spending the last hour and a half feeling like death the light at the end of the tunnel came. I still wanted the shirt. At this point, getting the shirt was the only thing keeping me alive. So when the offer for Lucille to drive us all to where he was staying so I could get the shirt then go home via uber (which he was paying for) was put to me, I accepted. According to him it was 10mins away. Literally right around the corner…so I thought ok, you can’t have been made to chaperone a date and still not get the shirt. You gotta be in it to win it! And I wanted the consolation prize. So after a shot of patron we were off. I was walking behind them wounded, tipsy and letting it sink in that I took a whole shower to be here! We get to the parking lot and there in all its glory is her shiny hot AF Audi A4….I couldn’t find one thing wrong with her, she was perfect and now I’m trying to figure out why I was still on this terrible date on the way back to their love nest...

It would have been easy to play the victim if there was something wrong with her. But as far as I could gather she was just a nice girl who met a good looking guy and got swept up in a whirlwind.  She wasn’t playing dumb to get the guy. She wasn’t trying too hard, her outfit wasn’t unavailable or too available, she was comfortable. I was in pain here! Just gaging! She was a really nice woman, so why did I want to be mad at her because HE bruised my ego?

From the backseat their conversation was…well for the people in the front seat. They laughed, giggled touched on each other some more and forgot about their lil third wheel who after that last shot of patron felt like turning up and sleeping at the same time. I tried to be part of the conversation and failed dismally  but thanks to liquor and over thinking the ride wasn’t painfully long. In fact it was over in the blink of an eye (coz I fell asleep). When we arrived I wiped the drool off my face got the shirt and thankfully he had already called the uber. We ALL exchanged hugs and I was out. I would love to act like I left all bad assy shashaying like I was Beyoncé… but no, noooo, it was nothing like that. My behind got into that uber like the tipsy beautiful mess I was. “Its finally over” I thought. I had all these things on my mind, questions that were clearly never going to be answered. I felt bad about myself but proud I sucked it up and didn’t leave empty handed but still…..that was a dick move on Fabs part! 

The uber home…

I’ve had plenty of horrible uber rides. PLENTY. But this one was a special type of horrible because I wanted to talk, get a hug, cry, lash out and get some hard liquor in me but at 11:30 at night people are asleep. I was angry, but not anrgy….my mind was just blown. I was shook! Did that really just happen to me?…Why do I still get taken back to insecure unsure Amu whenever something throws me? Was that REALLY my first Friday night out of 2019? I called my friend who she lives close by and she told me to come over and we could hash it out but she was with her men and his friends I can’t stand so when I got home and told her I was coming she said she was sleeping. I’m like “this punk bitch! How is she sleeping when I have emotional trauma I’m actually prepared to talk about for a change?!!” but also “damn my soft ass was probably going to cry when I got there. I can’t have her friends seeing me cry”. That was a wrap. I was alone this time….really flying solo and it sucked. I was really hurt.

A man sized can and some voice notes later….

You never know the lemons life will throw you and it’s always better to have tequila for those lemons. Fab checked in when uber told him I arrived safe. We chatted a little and then told me that even after all that, he still wasn’t trying to cuff Lucille. Far as he was concerned, he was still single. That was truly the final blow. That made me absolutely sure that he put me through all that….FOR NOTHING!!!! At around 2am after downing two ciders, my hangover secured I decided to sleep. I still felt like melting. I died a lot inside. I was sleeping hoping to wake up in my bed at my parents’ house where this would be a bad dream and I would be spared the incredible embarrassment of waking up post this phenomenally awkward situation. It wasn’t a dream….it had happened, it really REALLY HAPPENED….its wasn’t pleasant but it was a learning experience.

Revelations verses 1- 5

1: Don’t be a jealous woman. I could have been mean and made Lucille feel awkward and wonder why my energy was off when she had done nothing to me. I’m not gonna lie, that was my initial instinct. But the wise woman I am, thought about it. Imagine you met an out of town shooter who swept you up in a whirlwind for a  few days and said you HAD to meet his friend Amu and then in saunters in a sex pot with a shining personality ….what would that do to you and your energy? So I couldn’t be mad at her or jealous.

2. Confront the issue making you uncomfortable but don’t dwell on it: In true Ms Elle fashion I didn’t just let this slide. When we were done breaking the ice and tension had subsided I asked Fab why he would invite me to third wheel when he clearly was trying to have a romantic evening…on top of that neither one of them thought to call a nice single dark skinned brother to keep me company while they got cozy and had the whole restaurant feeling sorry for me as I died from third wheel-dom? I addressed it, he answered and I told him NEVER to do that shit to me again because he only has one pass in life to bruise my ego.

3. If it’s out of your control accept it quickly so you can move on: I was blindsided but that didn’t mean I could change things. What was I gonna do, close my eyes and wish her away?? Run away???NO! Also he was paying for the drinks because he knew he fucked up! So I accepted the situation and moved on. Staying there feeling wounded was not gonna give me back my time, effort, uber money, perfume or make up wasted.

4. Even your homies are shady: From the day he met Lucille, Fab had every opportunity to tell me I met a stunner and I wanna hang with the both of you Friday night when you get here. Did he do that?…NOPE! Meaning that he knew that being vague about the gender of his friend was shady and it was intentional. It was a surprise but it’s a reality of all things relating to human interactions. Even your own homies are shady, don’t let that trip you up. We are all self-serving animals at the end of the day. Just make sure you always get the equivalent of the tshirt.

5. Don’t over think it…. (maybe I should have led with this) It’s tempting but wait till it happens before you to imagine all the wonderful ways something could change your life. In all honesty, I share in how things played out. I over thought it so HARD and it really wasn’t that deep. If I think about it all the influences that made me and Fab hanging out seem like it could be more than just two old friends catching up were external. If someone hadn’t asked us if we were a couple I would have never thought of it as anything more…but I did, because like most I suffer from over thinking. The best musicians learn how to play by ear and from time we should all do the same.

THE END....(yes me and Fab still talk. You never know what the future holds)

Thank you for flying Elle Air, we trust you enjoyed the trip and will fly with us again soon on our next adventure navigating our thirties.…Bisou Bisou….