#we all know anders hates the deeproads

[sanzosin]

Anders’ panic attack in deep roads Act 1 and the hairband that saved him! :D

[anarchyandcats]

At the Clinic...

As it turned out, there was no need for Anders to go looking for Hawke. She came to him. He was just finishing tidying up the clinic when she came waltzing through his door.

“So! Anders! You and Fenris, huh?” The grin on her face was bright, and her eyes sharp. She was wearing her new cloak, fastened with the brooch.

“Making assumptions already, are you? You forgot your wine. It’s there on the table.” Anders gestured toward it with his chin.

“Assumptions? There wasn’t exactly any room for assumptions from where I was standing. Actually, between the two of you, there was no room for anything else at all.”

“I wasn’t denying what you saw, merely your idea of the context. Nothing happened.”

Hawke leaned against a column by the table, eyebrows raised. “Nothing? Really? Something must have happened, because you weren’t trying to kill each other. You were cuddling, Anders.”

“We were drunk. Whatever happened during a dead-drunk sleep doesn’t count for a thing.” He shook out a blanket, then folded it on a cot. “We… I think we’re just. Beginning to understand each other. Maybe a little.”

The eyebrows rose higher.

“What? Being trapped together in the Deeproads forced some conversation! It turns out Fenris doesn’t really hate all mages, he just… doesn’t trust them. And I’ve earned his trust.” Possibly. A little.

“You were naked.”

“I was teaching him how to play Wicked Grace, since apparently Varric is absolutely pants at teaching it.”

“And you lost your pants in the process.”

Anders flushed. Refusing to look at Hawke, he busied himself with folding more blankets. “I thought staking Fenris’ dignity on the game would motivate him to learn the rules. I’d say it worked, wouldn’t you?”

“Uh… huh. Well. If nothing happened, why did you two go through the trouble of bribing me?”

“Because you on your own making up all sorts of stories in your head is already bad enough. What would Varric and Isabela say?”

Hawke cleared her throat. “Well, Isabela seems to think you probably didn’t go all the way, but she was very graphic about the use of hands and tongues--”

“You told them!? Hawke!”

A shrug. “I was bribed to say I didn’t find the healer. There was nothing in our agreement that said I couldn’t tell them I found a Grey Warden tangled up with a broody elf.”

Loopholes! Of course. Had Anders been in a better state that morning, he would have made the bribe much more detailed. His shoulders sagged, and he sighed.

“Hawke. Whatever your wild imaginations have come up with, I assure you, nothing nearly so interesting happened. We played Wicked Grace, got drunk, and rummaged through the crates in the basement. That’s. All.”

“Varric said a little bird told him they saw you leave the mansion this afternoon.” She smirked.

“I’m not having this discussion anymore. Take your stupid wine, which you don’t deserve, by the way, and go home! You deceiving… deceiver!” He shooed at her, exasperated.

“He also said it’s only natural, after the Incident in the Deeproads. He said you both lacked experience with emotional intimacy.” This was punctuated with a serious nod, Hawke affecting her best Varric impression (which was, in fact, quite terrible, but Anders knew it for what it was).

“Get out! Go! You are the absolute worst! I hope you never find a dragon!”

She gasped. “You take that back!”

“Not unless you fix all the nonsense you told Varric and Isabela!”

“And Merrill. And Bethany. And that strange, scruffy little man who always sits in the corner.”

Unbelievable. Anders wasn’t certain whether Fenris would be furious or embarrassed or some combination of the two, but he was certain this was not something easily fixed. “Is there anyone you didn’t tell?”

“Uh… Aveline? But Isabela probably already told her. You know she can’t help herself. Oh, and Sebastian almost never comes to the Hanged Man unless I drag him…”

“But…?”

“Varric was going to see him about something tonight?” She shrugged, and even managed to look a little contrite.

Dropping himself down to a nearby cot, Anders couldn’t help a laugh. “Fenris might be furious with you, you know. He was probably bribing you to avoid the attention and fuss.”

This time, Hawke did look a little sorry. “Oh. Shit.” She grabbed her wine, and ducked her head in apology. “Okay. I’ll see what I can do about our miscreant friends and the gossip--”

“Which is your fault.”

“--Which is my fault, yes, thank you Anders. You just. See if you can keep him out of the Hanged Man until I give the all clear?”

Nothing but trouble. All of them. In the back of his mind, Justice said ‘I told you so.’

Anders let out a heavy sigh. “I’m not sure I can, but I’ll try. I’m not thanking you for this, though.”

“Wouldn’t dream of expecting it. All right. Well. Remember about tomorrow. Bounty. Bandits. Probably bandages, too.”

“Right. Good night, Hawke.”

“Good night, Anders. I like your earring, by the way.” She winked, and was out the door.

For the love of Andraste. Even if Hawke managed to shut everyone up, the damage was done. Everyone had ideas in their heads, and they would all share mischievous glances and tease with thinly veiled comments. And, of course, there was no way Hawke, the frustratingly perceptive rogue, would miss a new shiny object.

Oh well. All he could do now was hope Fenris was still home and not on his way to the Hanged Man. Or already there.

[fenheck]

Come Up For Air

FIRST // BACK // NEXT The first half of the walk through the Deeproads is quiet. Too quiet for Fenris' liking, really, but he trusts his commanding officers enough not to speak up when they venture on. Nathaniel keeps to the front of the group, mabari at his side, and Fenris slowly finds himself in the company of Surana. “Hawke seemed worried.” she says quietly, voice still echoing off the rock walls around them. “Are they going to be alright?” Fenris can only shrug. He doesn't know. Kendall has already been through so much. Lost so much. He feels guilty for making them endure further loss at his own terrible mistakes. “Being a warden isn't the end.” she goes on, looking up at him with a gentleness he'd yet to see from the hardened woman in the past months he's known her. “It brings about a rather abrupt ending.” Fenris replies wryly. She goes to speak again but Nathaniel halts them, dog at his side growling, and she darts forward to speak to him. Fenris is striving to hear them, head tilted to the side, when he realizes there's another noise. A loud wooshing just down the passage left of them. He has only moments to turn, spotting the beast headed towards him, before the world goes suddenly black.

- When they arrive at Anders' selected entrance Kendall is so jittery he almost turns them around right there. Crackles of pink and yellow litter their skin, putting him on edge, but he knows Hope is just a reflection of Hawke's own turmoil. “Stay with me, Kendall.” he pleads, taking their face in his hands. “I swear to you that he's alright. I promise it. I'll lay the promise on my mother's grave.” Kendall meets his gaze a moment then squeezes their eyes shut. Exhales loudly. And nods. “Okay. Okay.” they breathe, “I'm alright, Anders. We're alright.” Heading in, he really doesn't know what they'll find. Greater men than Surana's had been taken down in the Deeproads before. Even routine trips. But he can't bring himself to believe his friends would be in that kind of danger. They've done this too many times. And she always took care of them. - When Fenris comes to he can hear Surana and Nathaniel speaking but they sound... far away. He blinks and shifts, body screaming at him as he goes, and looks around. His night vision picks up a crack of light across the dusty room and he moves towards it. Their voices get louder. “Hello?” he ventures. Aberdeen gasps and her hand shoots through the crack in the rock. Fenris hesitates a moment, then takes it. “Fenris!” she says, grasping at his hand. “You're alive!” “It would seem so.” he says with a faint chuckle, reaching out with his other hand to pat the back of hers. “We're going to get you out.” she says. Fenris feels her grip on his hand tighten a moment, squeezing, then she shifts and he releases her. Through the crack he can hear papers moving. His head still feels foggy, as if he's still half asleep, and when he reaches up to rub at it his hand comes away wet with blood. “What happened?” “Ogre.” Nathaniel's voice. More papers moving. Fenris leans forward and presses his aching forehead to the cool rock in front of him. “Caused a rock slide. We were able to get rid of it but the rocks fell past were it threw you and we weren't sure you were even still alive.” Fenris blinks, squinting at the crack, and asks, “Then why are you still here?” There's a long pause and Fenris thinks for a brief moment something has come out to attack them. Then, Aberdeen's hand sticks back through the crack. After a tic, he takes it. She squeezes at it harder than before and he's slightly surprised at the strength in her tiny hand. “I don't leave my wardens.” she says firmly. Fenris laughs humorlessly but his words are genuine. “Thank you.” he says, “I'd hate for this to be my tomb.” “Never. Not my wardens. We're going to get you out of here.” Aberdeen promises. And, even in the face of everything, Fenris feels Hope in it. - “How do you handle it, Anders?” The mage pauses, glancing back at Kendall, and shrugs. He's been expecting the question since they first entered the Deeproads. With Hope so upset and Kendall jittery the question was bound to come up. “What part? The closed spaces? Or the darkspawn stink? Because most of it I had stopped handling, if you remember?” “The Calling. The... just, whole idea.” Anders sighs and stops, letting them catch up to stand beside him. He places a hand on their shoulder gently and lets Kendall's breathing even out again. They act as if they hadn't even noticed how rapidly it was coming and going. “The Calling is just something everyone deals with differently. My explanation won't help you make sense of how Fenris feels about it any better.” Kendall looks at him, Hope reflecting in their eyes, and sniffles weakly. Anders holds his arms out and they duck into them, face pressed against the feathers on his coat, and sob softly. “Fenris is a long way from The Calling, Kendall.” he promises, “You shouldn't be worrying about all this.” “It all feels so hopeless.” they choke out, voice shaky, and Anders has to nod. “It does, I know.” he soothes and tucks their head under his chin. There isn't much more he can say about that. It does feel hopeless. But that doesn't really mean it is. Because being a warden was, really, all that had kept Fenris going in the first place. It was worth giving it a chance.