#we are already so isolated i am begging y'all to not do this shit

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi Goldy! I am curious about your take on how Jikook are edited in the behind the scenes clips since October (such as the ones for the Life Goes on music video, ABC Holiday Dynamite, and the Japan one (search on youtube for BTS japan shoot || behind the scene of Japan)). Do you think Jikook are interacting less, being just friends, being more professional, or is BigHit editing their interactions out? It just seems so different from the ones before Oct (FILA, Dynamite MV, Season's Greetings 2021)

Huh???😲😲😲

BigHit is doing what what now?😥

Do you mean that as a fact or theory?🤔

Why though?👀 They are not Tae Kook? 😥

There's Bangtan video of Jimin with his third leg dangling loose in the air somewhere on the internet, I don't think BigHit is that savvy.

Lmho. I mean I see what you mean but they are editors and cutting is what they do for a living. But this is Jikook sis. I don't see BigHit's incentive for 'cutting' Jikook's moments and you shouldn't assume that-

Unless...

You don't think Jikook's been groping eachother homoerotically on set lately have you? Cos, chile I'll believe that! I don't trust Jikook anywhere near eachother's vicinity and personal space.

I've seen enough to traumatize the devil himself. Chilee. Lol.

Bighit, in recent times, mostly tend to cut scenes and moments if they are a bit risqué. Like JK shoving his butt in Jimin's groin face, sliding his hands down Tae's chest...

Often times too they cut moments if its redundant. If a part of a scene is already in the main content they don't bother showing it in the behind scenes. From my observation.

When an interaction is awkward they skip it too, I feel. I mean I am still waiting to see JK touching all over Jimin and feeling him up in Run 106- honey, I'll pay to watch that shit with my kidneys. Lol.

Often too they save some scenes for memories or some other shit that they use all those pent up footages for. Lol.

BigHit is a business, they produce content that per their research and analytics garners more engagement, audience retention and a whole other metrics. They put a lot of creativity into what they do as creatives and artists- I mean if the baby noises is anything to go by. Those bites are tired!

But often times too, they're tired and they're lazy, and they just put anything together and toss it out there without giving it much thought- isn't that how they leave Jin or Tae out of packages, how certain Jikook moments that should have never made it into screen time ended up in screen time- how JM's third leg made it to the internet? They should have cut that shit before uploading it with those subtitles and yet here we are.

I think people give BigHit too much credit- talking about JK shouldn't gay panic and run away from certain moments with JM if he knows BigHit editors are going to cut those moments.... JM's dixk begs to differ. Chilee, Jimin you should have just worn pants. Can't trust these phony ass editors my guy.

The editing is really not a big deal. Not to me. But I love your question anyway. Especially the bits about what's different about Jikook and the content BigHit has been putting out since October.

Well something sure did go down in October, I don't care what anybody says.

I keep saying BigHit banks on the bond and intimacy of the boys, and the boys are more than happy to showcase their bond for the cameras just as Tae said and confirmed in a recent interview- Tuktukkers y'all did an Oopsie on the whole Taekook don't like to show their bond on cameras! Lol

Tae said it himself not me- he lives to showcase his bond with the other members. *where is my skull head emoji. Lmho.

I think what has changed since JM's birthday in October to now, to me where BigHit is concerned, is the general marketing strategy of the company.

It seems to me the company is adopting a marketing module opposite of the strategy they had been using before the pandemic. I think I've talked about this though...

Hate to say I said it, but I said it. Lol.

They are limiting access to the boys to drive sales as and when. BTS dominates the internet and have amassed greater reach and attention partly due to the free content they put out on the internet. But those were never monitised- not in a direct or significant way.

In the wake of the virus, they've had to monetize their online presence. A single tweet from their Twitter account is a phone brand promotion as I pointed out in past posts. There's been an increase in their sponsorship collaborations, in Soop and many of the content they've put up this year. They even turned on ads on their YT channels it seems.

Like I've been saying, this situation is global and novel, they are going to experiment with means and methods till they find that sweet spot and that is what I feel we are experiencing- amongst other things.

Unfortunately for us, our access to Jikook is gonna take a hit like I said before because the numbers are in their favor. I mean go to their YouTube page and see the metrics for yourself.

Jikook's holiday remix pulls way ahead of their counterparts. If their going to monetize any ship brand in BTS it's Jikooks. Trust. But that doesn't mean any ship in BTS is spared.

Someone asked me a while back, when I talked about this, whether all these changes the company was going through was going to affect the way Jikook interact on camera and I couldn't answer that with conviction then.

But I mean we are seeing a subtle, if not drastic change in the way Jikook interact with eachother and with their glass closet.

What that means for us, I think, is the company is going to choose when and where to show us content and certain interactions but that doesn't mean Jikook aren't interacting- know what I mean? I mean they have them. The juicy moments that's gonna make us slap our mamas. BigHit has it all. They are just gonna save it for as and when based on their marketing strategy, if you know what I mean.

I mean we all saw that blackswan performance, we all saw the holiday remix performance etc.

And you are right about the less interactions post October and I've shared my thoughts on it so I won't go into it. But I will state again that they are not broken up either, not to me. Lol.

I think we need to examine what interacting less means. To me, I consider Jikook interacting less if they have an opportunity to interact and they don't interact in a way that is usual of them.

Majority of the content we've gotten in recent times are pretty much very official contents, interviews, etc. The entire BE era, as I said is not about Jikook or even BigHit.

It's about BTS, all seven and Jikook can't monopolize the shine like they tend to do in other BigHit marketed contents in my opinion.

Jimin tried to be funny and chill in the dynamite mv and RM nearly went ninja turtle on his ass when he called him out for not taking things seriously enough during the shoot- Left to grandpa Joonie, the kids will sleep at five. Lol.

Seriously though, there is a huge gap between what BTS views as marketing and marketable and what Jikook or even BigHit views as marketing, in my opinion. And conversations like that between RM and Jimin goes to prove it.

Another interesting thing about this whole marketing approach is how BigHit isn't substituting any other particular pair in Jikook's stead. I see them giving equal screan time to the individual members- well not in a technical sense but I think you know what I mean.

Are Jikook required to be professional in certain situations, absolutely. And in previous years, I think they took too many liberties with it. But as I said, now more than ever they are learning and need to learn to read the room because they wouldn't be able to get away with much if they don't.

BE is a self produced project, after Soop- after when they were isolated to help them bond and repair fractures in their bond. If there were anything they were not happy with that led to Soop, trust that they are going to fix it post Soop and it's going to reflect in every sphere of their interactions.

RM for example has chilled on his monitoring and censorship of Jikook, Jikook have been pretty considerate of the group and have tried not to do anything to have RM pop a vein, Tae has been stepping up too- with the members going out their way to praise him and push him to the fore front of the group unlike in previous years *cough cough I don't want trouble but chilee.

I mean Jimin pointed it out in the Be behind when he said Tae was working hard and putting his best foot forward because the members had been showering him with lots of compliments in recent times and he wasn't kidding.

In the LGO comeback live, RM praised Tae for working hard forgetting it wasn't just Tae and JM's reaction was telling. Of course he backpedaled to compliment JM too.

Suga did the same thing in the Be behind video when he was talking about JM and praising him- I mean it's Suga and his Jimin, uWu. But then he too backpedaled to compliment Tae when he realized what he was doing and I was like CAN SOMEONE PRAISE KOOKIE TOO PLEASE AND THANK YOU. Lol.

Anywho, the company is equally chilling on their Jikook agenda which I have speculated on several ttimes so won't get into- it's all so very kumbaya and God, I hate it. Lol.

Give me the chaos goddammit!

I feel Jlkook loosen up in contents that aren't like super official business moments and that's when you see their domesticity. Lol.

You see them having their me time in the background of some of the content, and in one of the interviews where they were sat a good feet apart but they kept moving closer and closer till eventually after their lunch break cut, they were sat very close to each other.

I'm not a fan of the cameras being shove in their faces during their private moments- Kookie certainly doesn't appreciate that either.

But they are working for a living nonetheless and making content is what they do for a living. So we are definitely gonna get the content from them alright, the fanservice, the organic moments passed off as fanservice, the moments that should never make it to screen- all nine. Lol.

We are just not going to get them in a way we are accustomed to. And it certainly doesn't help that they are each on their own personal growth journeys- gradually disconnecting from their fanbase, I mean Jk's been long gone duh, and Jimin did say he has come to the realization not everyone in the fandom loves him and he is learning to react less strongly to them; which to me translates as bye bitches you don't deserve me. Lol.

I mean dude didn't bother posting for new year this year- y'all Jimin is done with our ass. We might as well pack our bags and join him in Kookie's Casa. I call dibs on the broom closet under the stairs. Lol.

Jikook gets called fanservice and other creepy slurs in this fandom but people forget all of this is their choice too. They choose, are choosing to share all the bits of them they share with us, with us. Inspite of all the hate and insults, they choose to do that- if they did it for the fanservice don't you think they would have called a time out on it long ago because it's not worth it?

I hate it here.

I guess what I'm saying is, you are right about these observations you've made and some of the things you've pointed out are facts.

But we have talked about all of that so it really shouldn't be anything new? Kindly check my previous posts. I think I shared my point of view on what I think is going on with Jikook, BigHit and BTS.

Other than those, I don't think there is anything major up with Jikook honestly. I keep saying I don't think they are broken up. I don't see either of them closed off, emotionally open to connecting with the others.

If anything I said I feel Jimin is falling in love all over again with Kook. I mean when he looks at him he looks to me as if he is seeing Kook in a different light.

And it's funny how all through out 2020 he kept reiterating how his friends and family and relationships were important to him, shading the ef out of Kook during the Japan Stay Gold promos claiming his relationships were important to him and was what was Gold in his life.

He even went on to talk about picking an accent spending time around his friends and talking with his friends around his birthday but suddenly in the Be behind scenes he was talking about how he's come to the realization BTS is his only true friends and how friends come and go.

Clearly he's had an epiphany of a sort and has been through something post his birthday that has him setting his priorities straight in the aftermath.

In his Weverse magazine, he mentioned how he's recently discovered something about himself, about how he loves to be loved. He then went on to clarify that when during festa he talked about having a desire to perform with the members for a long that that he meant to say he wanted to be with them for a very long time.

But then JK said Jimin said that bit to him first. And if this is the interpretation Jimin is giving to that statement then- one plus one is two honey. Numbers don't lie.

Dude don whispered those sweet empty nothings in JK's ear telling him he wants to be with him for a very long time and shit.

And now homeboy out here setting up roots in gay boulevard. I don't think their well is drying up any time soon. Lol.

They are in a honeymoon phase again and they are not showing us. Stingy bastards! Lol

And when JK said to JM in response, that BTS is his home- wow. He really said that...

He is Jimin's home. Literally. Please, my heartu😭

Jikook is real. Please support them.

Signed,

GOLDY

[scornedlove]

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chris

Funny how when you want to run into someone, it never happens. Then, the moment you refocus your energy, they’re everywhere you turn. Since Trey and I smoked with Robyn at the festival, I've been running into her everywhere. Once at the grocery store, once at a gas station, and here we were, crossing paths again; this time at Taylor’s gym. I thought being friends would be difficult, but we found our rhythm and boundaries weren’t even an issue. Our run ins no longer felt awkward and since we both had the morning off, we decided to have breakfast together. 

She seemed to glow as she talked about visiting her family recently and all the fun she’d had at crop over. Seeing her smile so bright as she showed me pictures of everyone and all the costumes, made me happy. I was glad she was back to the vibrant Robyn I fell in love with. Since everything seemed easy and natural again, I felt like it was the perfect time to ask her to meet Tae. “I have a question to ask, and I’m not sure how you’re going to respond.” I began, after our omelets were in front of us and our waiter was gone. Her smile dropped and was replaced with uncertainty. She took a deep breath, exhaled, then stared at me as if she were waiting for bad news. “So, I know you won’t be in town for Trey’s wedding, but Tae will be in the city until the day after. The same day you’re supposed to be back, right? I was hoping we could all have breakfast, lunch, or something. I want to introduce you two.” “Why?” she frowned, as she shook her head no. “That‘s completely unnecessary” “Because both of ya’ll are important to me. I haven’t told her that we reconnected, or that we’ve been hanging out, but I don’t want to continue this behind her back.” I explained, hoping she would understand without getting angry. “Chris, I’m going to be honest with you. I want no parts of being friends with your girlfriend, that’s weird as fuck.” “No it’s n-” “Didn’t you say she lives in Texas? Get some time under your belt before I can even take y'all’s relationship serious. Trust me, you gonna fuck it up sooner than you think” she sputtered, before dismissing me with a chuckle.

“I get it, you think I’m foolish for even asking you this”

“You right. I don’t want to see ya’ll together. ”

“It’s not like we’re going to be all over each other in your face. This has been heavy on my heart lately. Can you at least give it a real thought. For me, please?” I begged. “Don’t answer right now, think about it and let me know how you feel next Saturday. Her flight leaves Sunday at 3pm.” “Fine. I’ll think about it” she sighed, rolling her eyes as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Thank you, and thanks for agreeing to come as a surprise on Labor Day. I told Mama you couldn’t make it and she was bummed, she’s gonna be so happy to see you. You don’t even have to stay long. I know you’ll be tired from all the traveling, so this means a lot” “Yeah, well I love mama too. If I can make it happen, I will.” We finished eating and I drove her home. She’d found her a nice condo by the beach, which didn’t surprise me. She always loved being near the water. She invited me up, but I decided against it. I was already pushing the limit by hanging out with my ex-fiance. 

The entire week seemed to drag, but Saturday finally arrived. Trey’s bachelor party was last night, so I was a little hung over. He wanted to go strip club hopping, so that’s what we did. His cousin Victor was the designated driver, so we were able to get fucked up without any worries. Now I was hungover and paying the price. 

“Rise and shine!” Tae’s high-pitched voice echoed in my ears. She floated past my bed and opened the curtains, letting the sunlight burn the shit out of my eyes.  “What the fuck” I groaned, throwing a pillow over my face. “It’s already three o’clock. We gotta get going, the wedding starts in a couple hours. So, drink this and take these” she ordered, setting a glass and two pills on my bed stand, then sitting beside me. “Ten more minutes” I pleaded, with my face still in the pillow. “Nope! It’s time to get up.” She ordered, leaning over me to snatch the pillow and getting a feel for my morning wood. He hasn’t been acknowledged in months, so that small amount of attention made him grow even more, and that came with a little pain. “Alright, if you keep leaning over me like that, you’re gonna be mad at me.” I teased, grabbing her waist and pulling her in for a kiss.  “I’m already mad at you. Now get up, or I’ll find my own way to the wedding.” she snapped, pulling away and throwing the pillow back at me before storming out of the room.  “What did I do?” I called out confused. Yeah, I got wasted last night, but I made it back at a decent time, as promised. Tae wasn’t the type of girl to get mad at minor things, so her attitude towards me right now was something I didn’t understand. 

With the help of Tylenol and a bloody mary, I pulled myself together and was wedding ready within thirty minutes. Tae gave me the silent treatment the entire ride, so by the time we arrived, I was just as irritated as she was. 

“I don’t want to bring bad energy to my best friend’s wedding. So, I’m going to ask you one more time, then I’ll leave it alone; Why are you mad at me?” I asked after turning the car off and giving her my undivided attention. “I don’t want to talk about it” she replied, getting out the car. I felt disrespected when she dismissed me by slamming my car door and walking off as though what I had to say next was unimportant. Luckily, I had a half of a blunt in my glove box. So, instead of losing my temper, I sparked up and felt myself calming down with every exhale.

It's official. My boy is a married man. He and Lala are leaving tomorrow for the Bahamas, and I couldn’t be happier for them. I even teared up during my best man speech, something I’ve always considered corny. He was genuinely happy and in love with his bride, it took a lot not to envy their simplicity. Especially when Tae and I were having our first bump in the road. 

I couldn’t help but isolate myself at the reception. I sat at the bar and although it’s been forever, I smoked a cigarette to prepare for whatever was to come next. I couldn’t imagine why Tae was upset and it was all I could think about. Did she somehow find out about me and Robyn reconnecting? Whatever it was, had her pissed off so it had to be serious.

After keeping our distance all night, we were finally leaving together. It surprised me that she didn’t choose to ride with Lexi, since they were joined at the hip all night, but she must've been her excuse to stay preoccupied. We hadn’t even gotten comfortable in the car yet, when I decided we should pick up our conversation where we left off. I didn’t like being on her bad side, so I was ready to clear the air. We were going to talk about this like adults.

“If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, how am I supposed to fix it?” I asked as soon as we pulled out of the parking space.  “I’m feeling good right now. Please don’t kill my vibe” she frowned as she stared out the window.  “Fuck that. We’re grown, we talk about our problems, regardless of how we're feeling”  “Fine you wanna talk? Let’s talk” she huffed, turning to face me. “Just tell me what I did to piss you off”  “You were stupid drunk last nigh-” “So, you’re mad that I got drunk?” “That wasn’t the problem, I’ll show you the problem” she replied, pulling her phone out. She scrolled through it for a minute, then held it up to show me a video she’d recorded. I was sitting on the couch, obviously faded, when the recording began, and when I noticed her recording, I immediately started laughing. 

“You recording me?” I asked with a big grin as I leaned back and pulled my cap forward.  “Yup, this is for when I’m missing you later” she giggled in the background. “I can’t wait to show you how wasted you got when you wake up tomorrow” “My boy is getting married tomorrow! Fuck yeah I’m wasted” I replied as she started getting closer. “I know right. You’re gonna have to start flying out to see me, since I won’t be coming out here as often. I’m gonna miss you so much” “I be missing you too baby. Honestly, I’m just glad you’re in my life. You know I love you” I replied through hazy eyes. “Wait, what did you say?” she squealed excitedly in the background. “I said I love you Robyn” I grinned, oblivious to the fact that I called her my ex’s name. The video went on for another five seconds, in which I appeared to be falling asleep. “You cannot be serious?” I groaned. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. “I’m sorry baby, but you know I was drunk out of my mind” “A drunk tells no tales” she rolled her eyes and slid her phone back in her purse. I had to admit, if the shoe were on the other foot, I’d be upset too, but I was lost for words. I couldn’t think of anything to say other than sorry and I’d already said that, so we rode in silence the rest of the way home.

For the first time since we met, it was awkward as hell being around Tae. She played with Diamond and said a few words to Anthony, but completely ignored me, until she went to bed. I wasn’t even sure if there was any coming back from that one dumb drunken moment, so I decided to let her sleep on it. Hopefully it’ll blow over by the morning. I spent the rest of the evening staring at the TV, but completely engrossed in my own thoughts until my phone broke my concentration. I was glad for the distraction, but when I saw Robyn’s name, guilt immediately swept over me. I debated on answering, and by the time I decided I would, she had hung up, and a text message popped up a few seconds later. “I actually put some thought into your request…it’s still a no for me. Sorry.” I completely forgot about asking Robyn to meet Tae tomorrow and now, I was glad she decided against it. After last night, nothing positive could come from it, so I silently thanked God and went to sleep. When I woke up the next day, Tae was gone. I tried calling her several times and was sent to voicemail. I sent her a text and when an hour had gone by with no response, I gave in and called Trey. I hated to bother them when they were getting ready for their vacation, but I didn’t know what else to do. “What’s up bro” Trey answered on the second ring. “Can’t win for losing man, I’m always in some shit. Is Lala around?” “What you want with my wife?” he asked playfully, but I was in no mood for games. “I’m looking for Tae bro, has Lala talked to her?” I asked impatiently. I could hear him relay the question, then some mumbling in the background. “Yeah, she talked to her about thirty minutes ago, she was stopping by the house to pick up some stuff she’d left last time. Why, what’s going on?” he asked, now concerned. “What did he do to my friend?” Lala yelled loud enough for me to hear. “Nothing, ya’ll enjoy the Bahamas. I’ll see ya’ll when ya’ll get back” I replied, rushing him off the phone. Now I was irritated. I couldn’t believe the childish way Tae was going about handling our first issue. I fucked up and if she wanted to break things off because of it, I would be fine with that, but I wasn’t going to worry myself over her attitude. I had just gotten out the shower when my phone rang and I just knew it was her finally calling me back, but it was mom.

“Hey Ma, what’s up” I answered, forcing a little ‘cheer’ in my voice. Mama always picked up on negative energy and I didn’t feel like explaining what was going on right now. 

“Did you get the banana bread I left you this morning?”  

“No, I didn’t realize you stopped by” I replied, jumping up to find it. I loved my mom’s baking; she can fix any bad mood. I found it already halfway gone and was pissed that either Anthony or Tae beat me to it.  

“It was before church. I caught Tae as she was on her way out”  

“Oh yeah?”  

“She told me what happened.”  

“She did?”  I quizzed, beating around the bush.

“She sure did. Christopher, are you still in love with Robyn?”  

“Really mom?”  

“I’m just asking. Tae is a great girl, but if you’re in love with Robyn, then you gotta let somebody go”  

“I was drunk ma; it wasn’t that deep. I don’t see why Tae wants to talk to you about it and not me”  

“Just give her some time. She’ll come around and when she does, you gotta be understanding. She must be feeling threatened by the love you still have for Robyn. You can’t fault her for that.”  

“What did you change about this banana bread?” I countered, changing the topic as I devoured my second slice.

“I added cream cheese. I knew you would catch that” she chuckled.

“This is the bomb and I didn’t think it could get any better before. You should make it like this from now on. Do you need anything for tomorrow?” I asked, licking the crumbs from my fingers and going for another slice.

“I have everything covered, but I’ll let you know if I think of something. You watch yourself now, and figure out what you’re gonna do about these women. You can’t keep playing with their hearts. You never know what could trigger them to do something crazy.”

“Mama I’m not playing with Tae, she’s the one being childish about the situation”  

“I said what I said Christopher. Get yourself together.” she instructed before we hung up. I cleaned up around the house, then took Diamond for a walk to take my mind off of Tae. When I got back, Anthony was at the dining room table wolfing down the last of the banana bread and Diamond wasted no time cleaning up the crumbs he’d dropped on the floor.

“This shit right here is bomb as fuck” he exclaimed through full jaws. I was trying my hardest to be cool, but I was pissed. I’m stingy when it comes to mama’s cooking and he should’ve asked before eating my shit.  

“Yeah, I didn’t intend on sharing. I’ll have mama make more next time.”  I shrugged, clenching my jaws.

“My bad bro, I didn’t realize ya mama made this for you. I damn near ate the whole loaf. I was gonna buy you another one...” he offered, his eyes rolling back as he swallowed the last of it.

“I ain’t tripping. Don’t let it happen again tho.” I ordered as I wiped sweat from my brow. I was still recuperating from that hangover, so that walk took a lot from me. 

“What you got up for the day?” I asked, pulling out my tin can of greenery and a stick from the kitchen drawer. I sat down to roll up and Anthony pulled across from me to do the same.

“Not shit. It’s Sunday. You know I don’t do shit on Sunday. What about ya’ll?”

 “Same, not shit. Tae already left, so it’s just me.”  

“Yeah, she told me what you did” he snickered.

“Damn! She’s telling everybody” I shook my head in frustration as I lit the blunt and took a long drag. “Why is she acting like I did the shit on purpose?”  

“That’s women for you. I feel like kicking some ass on the court today. You tryna hoop?” 

“Hell yeah…only if you keep your shirt on.” I teased, passing him the blunt. Every time an attractive woman shows up at the court, he’s ready to start stripping.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of my body” he joked taking a hit and passing it back to me. 

“Nah, you be up there flexing for the thotties. Every time I turn around you getting a new number.” 

“Cause I’m a playa”  

“Hey man, you like it, I love it. Just don’t bring em here. I don’t have time for shit to start coming up missing”  

“You don’t gotta worry about that. The only one I bring here is Ryan”  

“Well that’s the homie, so that don’t count”  

“You know, she’s been acting distant lately”  

“Maybe she doesn’t wanna be one of your hoes anymore”  

“Shut up man, I’m serious. We went from kicking it every day to once or twice a week. She gets distant when her period comes, but it’s been three weeks now. The next one is coming up” he frowned, stroking his chin in thought.

“Seriously? I thought you were a playa, but you over here tracking periods and shit. You got it bad and don’t even know it”

“That ain’t it. I know I say some stupid shit sometimes, but I do like having shorty around. She cool peoples”

“Well the good ones don’t stay around when you have a whole line they have to wait in. You might have to start cutting back” I pointed out.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for all that serious relationship shit. That’s why you’re in the predicament you’re in now” he argued, his face twisted with uncertainty.

“It’s a lot that comes with it, that’s for damn sure” I agreed with a nod, although we were both right. Unlike him, I was willing to put forth the effort in being a good boyfriend, but somehow I always managed to fuck up. If being a player were easy, I’d have no problem with doing that, but someone always ends up hurt in that type of situation. That’s not something I’m willing to have on my heart. 

We smoked a couple more before going to the basketball court. It was hot as hell, so we only played three games of one on one and I won two. I felt good and made sure to gloat all the way home. I’d left my phone at home when we went to hoop, but I still didn’t get a call from Tae. I tried her one more time that night, but she sent me to voicemail again. I figured she must’ve found her own way to the airport and made it home already, so I let her be. It was out of my hands. 

[yasminsqueendom]

Antique the Vamp Geek Pt1 Ep11

CW: The usual stress, anxiety and anger and crying, add a little complicated family dynamic and fear of starvation.

A/N: Tique’s family makes an uncomfortable appearance and she takes it the best she can...by panicking. But also coming up with a plan of what to do about it.

W/C: 1661

Hey y’all. I know it’s been a while since you heard from me. Life has been somewhat of whirlwind. I left off with all that crazy shit happening with my bitch ass roommate snitching on me. Thankfully, my other roommate is a saint sent directly from heaven. But anyway, back to the story……….

I woke up at some point the next day, showered and all that shit. 

I am lucky enough to have my own private bathroom.

Anyways, I sat on my bed, and got stuck in my thoughts for a while. I eventually realized that something was bothering me about the day before, but I couldn’t remember what it was. So much of it was still a fog. Then, it hits me. MY FUCKING DAD CALLED ME. HE NEVER FUCKING CALLS ME!!!

I went scrambling to get my phone. And sure enough, there were 5 missed calls and voicemails. All of my panic from yesterday started bubbling up in my stomach. Had something happened to my little brother and sister? Did my mom finally decide to speak to me again? Did my father stop being a little…? Anyway, I started hyperventilating because I couldn’t figure out why he would call me, for any reason, at all. 

I really can’t overstate how odd it is that my father would call me EVER. 

At some point the night before, my roommate had passed out in her own room. I could hear her snoring a little through the wall. She doesn't snore loud, I can just hear extremely well. I focused on that sound for a moment. I wanted to wake her up and ask her to help me figure out what to do, but it wouldn't be a fair thing to ask. 

I had to get my head together. I wouldn't know why he was calling until I listened to the voicemails. So that's what I did.

Vm1: “Antique, answer your phone. It's your dad. We need to talk.”

Vm2: “Antique I know you see these calls. You always on your phone. I know you see it so call me back.”

Vm3: “Antique, it's your mother. I know you hate me and think I'm a terrible person, but honestly you need to grow up and move on. We need to talk to you. It's important.”

Vm4: “Tique? It's me...Mom and Dad made me call. Um...are you ok? They said something is wrong with you. Are you sick?”

The bastards got my younger siblings involved with this. They have my baby sister scared, calling me about me being “sick”. I swear…

Smh. But that's not what hit me hardest.

Vm5: “Ummmm. Tique. I'm...so...sorry. I think this is all my fault. I heard your voice. One of my friends from school listens to your show. I'm so sorry.”

Well there it is. I was right about my brother knowing what I was. I know I mentioned it before during a q and a. Let me explain, I always text my brother and sister “ Night y'all.” But a few weeks ago, my brother's number started sending back the texts telling me that “block” feature was in use. And then, I couldn't see his social media anymore. The sudden isolation threw me off, so I called my little sister and she said that she was scared. She is 10 years old, so sudden changes in her life make her panic really bad. My brother (14) told her I had turned into a monster and I was going to eat her. 

Let it sink in how fucked up that is…..

This little nigga has made my baby sister terrified of me. But she's a real one so she let me talk to her and calm her down. She was clearly uncomfortable with the growing conflict, but she was cool about it. I told her to put him on the phone. 

This was our conversation:

“Hey, bro. What's going on? Why aren't you talking to me? Can I make things better between us?”

“No.”

“I'm sorry, man. I would like to hear from you. Are you sure I can't make it up to you. Just tell me what I did. I promise I'll try to explain.”

“I don't want to talk to you Tique. You aren't my sister anymore.”

And then he hung up. So yeah… The fucked up level is reaching critical for me. 

So, back to the present moment. I already know that I am not going back to my family’s home. They could have me arrested or institutionalized. It's better to try to get this situation under my control. Or at least, deal with it on my terms. 

I call them back.

Don't ask what came over me. I truly have no clue. 

The phone barely had time to ring before my mom picks up.

“Antique, baby, is that you?” 

Now I feel the need to emphasize the fact that my mother has never called me “baby.” She never showed affection. She seemed determined to be my enemy since I hit puberty.

“Um. Hey ma. Y'all called me?”

“Is that all you have to say? ‘''Um hey’ is the best you can do?”

“I don't want to fight Ma. Let's not. You said you wanted to talk to me?”

“I want you to come home.”

“I am home.”

“You know what I meant. Don't be disrespectful!”

“Ma I'm on the phone with you right now. Just tell me what you need to speak to me about, please.”

“I didn't raise this thing you've become, Ms. Grown-Ass. You never used to talk to me like this.”

“I lived with you back then. Listen, I don't want to do this right now.”

“No I decide what you're about to do!”

“......”

“Oh what you don't have anything to say now?”

“I'm going to hang up. I can't do this right now.”

“Don't you dare-”

I hung up. I wasn't interested in the bullshit anymore.

She called back, but I didn't answer. I needed to make sure I was as safe as possible. She still had access to my credit card and savings account, but when I found out I had been turned, I opened a checking account. I had been slowly putting my money there. I had to accept that a few hundred dollars were going to be a loss. Oh well. 

I already had everything of value from my old room. My great grandmother had left a bracelet and ring to me. I took them when I left for college. Most of the shit in my room was bought for me by people that didn’t know me that well. I didn’t care about it at all. 

I sat in the middle of my bed for a minute, trying to remember what else I needed to do. I already knew that the chance of me getting my birth certificate and social security card were slim now. My infection status changed everything. Suddenly, I wasn’t a separate person anymore. The government required that someone else manage all of my business. I needed to name someone. Fortunately, that someone didn’t have to be a family member.

The main issue was figuring out who would have my power of attorney? Bae or my roommate? But, I really didn’t want to have to choose anyone. Experience had taught me that trusting people was a bad thing, but the government didn’t care about my experiences. 

I did the only logical thing: I googled “PoA Vamp Form,” printed it, and walked it into my roommates room. Since time was an issue, I didn’t have the opportunity to call Bae up and ask for them to show up after work. I needed this taken care of now. And, yeah I know online PoA’s are bullshit, but time was was running out, and I couldn’t afford an attorney.

After some nagging, and begging, and promises of food, I managed to get my roommate up and dressed. Using my phone’s GPS we found notary nearby and paid the fee to get a seal on our form. 

Now, in the midst of all this, I ignored several more calls from my parents. They even tried my younger siblings numbers. But, as guilty as I felt, I needed to find a way to protect myself. I couldn’t do a damn thing for them until I had all my shit in order. 

I needed to figure out a way to get the originals of my birth certificate and my social. I needed to close down my one credit card. Open up another in my name that my mother wouldn’t know about. Thankfully, I was over 18 so there was only so much my parents could do. It worked out in my favor that I was renting, and didn’t own anything worth going to court over. 

The last issue was that they knew my address. They didn’t really help me move anything, but obviously I had to tell them where I was going. My mother showed up a few times to criticize how my place looked. No one else ever visited. 

Outside of that, I couldn’t think of what else I could do. I knew that I needed to come up with a plan to get my documents. My mother had all our documents in a safe deposit box, and I knew where she kept the key. The only chance I had of getting that key was going home. And home was the last place I wanted to go. 

There had to be a way for me to get in there. I knew my younger siblings’ schedules well enough. They always would be in the house before our parents would. I felt incredibly guilty about it, but I had to use my siblings to get access to what I needed.  

So yeah, my life’s fucked up level is over 9,000 these days.

I’m tired. 

Anyways, stay moisturized and hydrated. 

Love Tique.