#we could work on better public transport ??????? sorry am i fucking saying we should fly to and colonise mars like how difficult could it

[mishkakagehishka]

An eco-friendly city without reliable public transport is not an eco-friendly city👍

[nikki-l-l]

Things you used to not appreciate in life:

These paragraphs contains the different phases I’ve gone through staying alone in a foreign land. Though it is not dated but it definitely depicts the emotions of a person living all alone in a country where you have no one but yourself:

I used to but I still think so that Malaysia is not a country I want to live in because what we earned is insufficient to cover what we need to spend. But after coming to Hong Kong, I feel sorry for the people here. Even with higher salary, you still need to take the bus or train or any form of public transport. Things like when you go into a bus and you need to ask if there’s sufficient seat otherwise you’d have to wait for the next bus which you don’t know how long it will take just saddens me. On the other hand, some might argue that it’s the same in Singapore but I never ever have to worry about not being able to get on a bus. But here, it’s so sad. My aim is to earn as much money and get as much experience as I can possibly get and go back to Malaysia. I think no matter how much I dislike Malaysia in a certain way, I’m still a true blue Malaysian, though I’m ONLY here for less than a month!

I don’t think anyone can understand that feeling when you have no money and gets no invite to anything. Well, firstly I didn’t get any dinner invitation, secondly even if I did, I couldn’t afford it. Sometimes you wonder if you should be grateful because you get to come to this part of the world to explore new things or should I be sad because I’m the poorest among my classmates. I can’t afford to eat out, if I were to, I need to make sure to cook for the entire 2 weeks just so I have money to eat out. That’s a sad fact plus eating out is one of the ways to get to know other people yet I’m not able to do so. I wonder if I made this choice wisely by becoming a poor student in a rich city or should I stay comfortably in a middle class city. Now that I chose the first, it would be equivalent of not knowing the new adventure since I’m not financial capable of going out to explore the new adventure.

On sleepless nights like this, I tend to think regrettably about how I decided to choose Hong Kong where standard of living is so damn high and I can’t afford shit to survive here. Almost restricting my spending all the time and I can’t even fucking work for fucking sake to move up my budget. God, why the fuck did I choose Hong Kong? Why didn’t I just choose Australia when the visa allows me to work part time and the minimum wage is high enough for me to survive. Good god. I fucking hate being in this situation that I can’t do nothing about it. I’m so fed up with my life choices, sometimes. Honestly, it’s not smooth sailing at all. And I just super hate that I have to constantly budget myself and have no fucking money to spare. Food, transportation, the basic necessities is already so fucking expensive. Urgh. Why the fuck? And I’m almost constant hungry, I have to eat stupid processed food that doesn’t fill me up. Fucking hell.

In days like this I really feel extremely fortunate to be able to come to this country and not struggle like all the low income earners. Super blessed to have parents that can support me and not constantly behind my back about finances and everything else.

In days like this I wonder if I could survive the city or am I just overestimating my capabilities of survival.

I’m having anxiety out of no where. I’m scared that I might start developing a mental issue because it’s starting to linger. I’m fearful of what will come, I wanna go home but I can’t say it out loud. I just want to quickly finish my stint in HK and go home. At this point, I have the urge to tell my mum that after my studies, I want to go home and work. I don’t wanna work overseas because I’m afraid of being alone. I hate feeling lonely and doing things on my own. But I can’t say it because my parents spent so much money to send me here. I can’t let them down again. I need to repay them all these expenses. But I know I can do it. I believe in myself. I’ve been through a lot throughout the years. This experience will make you stronger. I need to be ok when I don’t get invited to events. I need to be ok when I dine out alone. I need to be ok when I don’t talk to anyone the whole day. I need to go out and talk to more people. I need to get out of my usual personality and eventually the personality will take over you.

I learnt a few things about myself today. I learnt that no matter what happens, I can go through it. I am strong and I can take care of myself. I believe in myself and if I can go through today, I can through any day. I’ll be okay, I’m okay. Also, I learnt that it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to show vulnerability and it’s okay to tell others that you need help and you need to be with someone. I appreciate God for giving me people around me the care I need. I’ll be okay, and I’m grateful for what God has given me. I thank God. If I die tomorrow, I know I led a good life.

Flying back and forth has somewhat taken a toll on me. I like coming home but I absolutely hate flying and I somewhat cannot take the 3.5 hours flight anymore. I despise that feeling I’d have the night before my flight. I have a friend who asked me if I could get used to working overseas since I miss home too much, I don’t recall answering that because I’m unsure as well. I think I could if the place is less than 4 hours flight time but I’d prefer around 1 hour flight time would be better.

Quitting your job and putting a hold on your life and career to move another city to be a student is really not an easy feat. It’s actually quite terrifying knowing that you’ll definitely not be going back to your previous job and being so uncertain about your future role. How do people even do that?

You know what I’m so frustrated and annoyed about? The constant need to vet and do research on a company. When you apply for a company, you’ll have to go through multiple rounds of assessments and then decide on the period that you want to be employed. And if that don’t work out, you have wasted all that god damn time researching about the company and going through all those stupid assessment as if it’s gonna determine how good of an employee they are. Come on, there’s plenty of unproductive, incapable employees but yet they’re still employed and getting paid. Sometimes I wonder if it’s me? Am I that sucky that I don’t even get employed or I feel like the world is against me. I thought I have successfully gone through the worst but in the end, the timing wasn’t right. How is that even an excuse? Oh god, I am truly at the brink of wanting to give up and do some work that doesn’t require much brain activity.