#we got a clutch of 18 dragons of which 10 were gold

[kariachi]

I am sitting here, checking Dragonsdawn to answer a question. Namely, did the last clutch of artificially-created eggs result in dragons or whers. Because you hear dragons a lot, but I could’ve sworn it was whers, so I went to take a look in the book.

Dragonsdawn, pg 414 (in my copy)

“I heard there were more creatures hatched,“ Drake said. “Is that true, Admiral?“

“Yes, that’s true.“

“Are they any good?“

“Six more dragons,” Paul said, more heartily than he felt.

“Removing six more young people from our fighting strength!“

“Giving us six more potential self-maintaining, self-propogating fighters!“

Dragondawn, pg419-420 (in my copy)

“Actually Paul,“ Telgar said, glancing at Ozzie and Cobber, “those photophobes of Wind Blossom’s have proven to be extremely useful in subterranean explorations. Their instinct for hidden dangers- pitfalls, in fact, and blind tunnels- is infalliable.“ The geologist gave one of his humorless smiles. “I’d like to keep them now that Wind Blossom has abandoned them, so to speak.“ Telgar turned to Pol and Bay.

“It’s a relief to know they’ve some use,“ Pol said, sighing heavily. Both he and his wife had tried to use reason with the indignant Wind Blossom when she had been requested to suspend the dragon program. Though she maintained that the emergency transfer from Landing to Fort had damaged many of the eggs in the clutch she had manipulated, Pol and Bay had seen the autopsy reports and knew that claim to be spurious. They had been lucky to hatch six live creatures.

“Once they get to trust you, they’re quite harmless,“ Telgar went on. “Cara adores the latest hatchling, and it won’t let her out of it’s sight unless she leaves the Hold.“ Again, he displayed his mirthless smile. ”Keeps watch at her door by night.“

Dragonsdawn, pg 421 (in my copy)

“You will, of course, continue to monitor the latest dragon hatchlings.“

“Of course. What’s the latest word from Sean and the others?” Pol asked, a trifle anxious.

~~~

So we see where there may be trouble here. The first part is insistent that these are proper dragons. Meanwhile the second part states that the dragon program has been ended due to resource issues mentioned elsewhere, but then you’ve got Tarvi referring to Cara’s relationship with the latest of the wher hatchlings, which implies that either this latest batch produced more whers or the whers are already breeding, the latter of which would mean that they breed considerably faster than dragons-

The Whers hatched about 6 months after the dragons did, Garben blows about 2 months after that, Boll’s accident seems to happen within a few days of the eruption (though with Anne who can tell) around the time the dragons figure out Betweening, and the end of the book happens ‘weeks’ after that, since that’s how long it’s been since anyone’s seen her... We can assume the new wher clutch happens within that span of time for various reasons, the main one being that these fuckers need time to grow. We learn in Dragons Kin that whers reach full size at 4 months...

Yeah, there cannot be another wher clutch. Unless Wind Blossom was just throwing whers out everywhere in the 2 months between that hatching and the eruption, while also putting in the time to put together the final clutch. Given she produced 5 clutches over 6 months- 4 of which seemed to have failed quickly- that seems like it’d be cutting things close, getting two successful clutches out in 2.

(And yes, I’m going to call the clutch of six successful, the characters can talk shit all they want but Kitti died with 42 eggs maturing and got 18 dragons out of them, while we have no idea what Wind Blossom’s numbers for the last clutch were.)

And there is no way in hell that the whers have produced and hatched clutches by that point in the story. There just isn’t. You can stretch and say they reached full size by the end of the book, but certainly it wasn’t longer than that- for one after a point you stop saying ‘weeks’ and start saying ‘months’, and for another after a point you stop going ‘the governor was injured’ and start going ‘we think they may be hiding the fact the governor’s dead’. But even if we say that whers can breed as soon as they reach full size- which is unlikely given dragons need to reach 2 years for that, are considered full size at 1 year, and we’re given no reason to believe similar ratios at least don’t apply to other dragonkin- there would still need to be time where the gold is gravid, and time for the young in the eggs to grow before hatching, then time after the hatching for Tarvi to learn about the whers and one to latch onto his toddler. Add to that, no fucking way would the whers breeding not be a Big Fucking Deal given it’s the first evidence they have that the dragons will be able to breed, at this point in the story they don’t even know they’ll be able to chew stone, and all they know of them Betweening is one tried and died.

So, the most viable option left there is that the ‘latest’ hatchling is out of the last clutch. But Benden and others insist this clutch is full of dragons. But we don’t get names, for dragons or riders, and if nothing else you would think the other 18 riders would think it worth a mention that they’re not alone now. ‘Second Weyr’ from First Fall mentions ‘eleven queens from the first two hatchings’, but if this hatching was dragons then it should be 13 queens. But then that whole little spot implies that somehow out of at least 10 golds there was 1 gold hatchling in 7 years? When Ramoth was throwing the things like fucking confetti? If we assume the estimates given in Dragonsdawn- that they’d be laying 10-20 eggs each- are accurate then that’s at minimum 600 eggs that somehow only got 1 gold out of them.

And again, it doesn’t account for where this mystery wher clutch came from for there to be a ‘latest hatchling’ from it, because it sure as fuck wasn’t laid by the whers, they’re too young at that point to have had a successful clutch, and for it to not be the same as the last clutch then that means that Wind Blossom, who took 6 months and 4 false starts to make 1 viable clutch, somehow managed to make a 6th, wait for them to hatch, then make a 7th in the 2 months since that clutch.

Plus, if this is a dragon clutch then apparently either nobody thought to mention it to the riders or their reaction was somehow not worth including?

Basically the characters say the last clutch is dragons but all evidence that isn’t their word (including the babies being referred to as ‘creatures’, let’s be real these characters would never) points to the last clutch being another batch of whers. Because Anne was fucking Anne and we can’t have clear and consistent writing with this woman lest we, I don’t know, rip off our clothes and succumb to a life sucking pond scum or some shit.

[nerdarchy-blog]

Your stalwart old lady grognard finished her first fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons campaign last night! And my character survived!

First, a little backstory. A little more than a year ago, I read about Nerdarchy on Facebook and watched some of their videos. I learned they were right across the river in New Jersey! At the time, I hadn’t played (as a player) a D&D game in decades, and I’d never played 5E D&D. However, the popularity (it seemed everyone was playing it) and my desire to play D&D again caused me to reach out to the Nerdarchy guys. But how to make myself stand out from the thousands of emails, comments and fan mail they received each day? Hmmm. I know! I’ll rattle off my gaming resume! (TSR, GW, etc.) And they responded!

header1

After some initial texts and such I was invited to a game forming that would be played once a month. I’d never met any of these people, and for all I knew Nerdarchist Ted (who was hosting) was actually a serial killer who had chained Nerdarchist Dave in his basement to make the videos. (Is Nerdarchist Dave blinking “T-O-R-T-U-R-E” in Morse code in that video?) In any case, I drove from the Philly ‘burbs to meet the guys and sit in on a game in an edition that was far different than the one I knew. Damn millennials. Get off my lawn.

Fortunately, the other players as well as Ted (henceforth DM) were very patient with me as I fumbled through character creation, etc., and humored me when I insisted in *gasp!* actually rolling my character stats instead of taking the standard frame thing. *clutches pearls!* The rest of the group looked on bemused as I rolled the 4d6 method from ages past, with the condition that I get one shot at this and must accept the character as rolled…

7 11 16 13 18 16 (not in that order)

Holy crab! Best character I’d ever rolled! I, of course, played it cool, extolling the virtues of the Old Ways while, inside, celebrating like crazy. As it stood, I had the best stats in the party. So of course I decided to play…

A cleric.

I was going to play a human cleric (WTF is a “warforged” anyway?) but Dave suggested an aasimar. A what??? That’s a human with divine blood who gets really powerful boosts and stuff to start, and progressively gets more powerful. Hmm… cleric with angel, I mean “celestial” blood? I could work that. I’d heard 5E D&D had wildly overpowered characters but… wow. The DM allowed us use of D&D Beyond, which was an immense help to this novice. I found a suitable picture online that fit the character description.

So was born unto the table, Emerald of the Light. She was a Light Domain cleric (duh) as this fit the idea I had for her. She was going to be young, drop dead gorgeous and very good at ministering to the flock and converting others to the Light. The DM even allowed me to design her deity, whom I named Selah, commonly the known as “the Light.” I designed the priesthood, the paladins (the Service of the Light,) the temples, relics, etc. In addition, I designed a beggar deity in the pantheon: NohWhey.

The rest of the group were a motley crew (cue ’80s music) and we spent the first session deciding on our group backstory (we started at 3rd level), and between the DM’s two campaign ideas. We even were able to name the big bad — a generic wizard name from my old campaigns: Zoltar. Our group named itself the Seven Who Stayed (as we were the only seven desperate enough for a job to stay for that first quest, which was to rescue a family from a cult of goblins who worshiped an owlbear. It got far more complicated, but that’s the basics). It bears mentioning I was the only female character, and the only woman at the table.

In March 2019 we began the campaign. Over time we fought giant stirges, settled a town dispute without bloodshed (thanks to my… Charisma and Wisdom) encountered Ipskig Fizzletop, genasi, an invincible undead dwarf, a booger flying across the table and landing on my character sheet (really!), various monsters made from pieces of multiple beasts (that was Zoltar’s bag — making combination monsters that steadily became more Lovecraftian and bizarre) including a tentacled two headed T-Rex, got gold teeth for a shriveled goblin shrunken head, discussed scaly lizard nutsacks, traveled through multiple planes and, in the end, saved the city-state. During that time, Emerald healed the party while dispensing Holy Justice. Oh, and she never died.  Her stats at the end?

7 STR, 11 INT, 16 CON, 13 INT, 20 WIS, 18 CHA

The players (I’m not naming them as I don’t have permission) were wonderful roleplayers, much to my character’s chagrin. They did so many frustratingly stupid things that were so in character I was fascinated. Emerald was often the straight woman to their jokes. I don’t think we had a true party leader but the group often did what I suggested. Not always. Sometimes.

Okay, I loved the campaign itself. Now… I’m removing my emotion hat and am now looking at the system objectively from the point of view of a person who’s been playing D&D for over 40 years.

Pass the Geritol.

I’d heard from many Players of Experience that the new edition was very simplified, didn’t resemble the original game in most ways and had overpowered characters.

They are correct. Aside from the monsters and the class names, there really isn’t much of the original game left. Character generation is oversimplified to the point of being generic, as are character hit points and experience (your characters gain a level every two sessions — no experience points). Also, occasionally when levelling, a player could add two points to an ability score (or a feat). (Max: 20.)

Math has been completely eliminated from the game. The other players were again shocked I always insisted on rolling my hit points when we leveled instead of taking the average. Usually it worked out in my favor (praise the Light!) but not always. In the end, Emerald’s hit points were 10 points higher than if I’d taken the average (plus Constitution bonus).

Okay, even with the generic stats the characters are far more powerful than back in the day. They start with feats, which give them incredible abilities. The races also have jaw dropping abilities to start as well. I can’t speak for the other classes but the cleric spells and abilities were also incredible. By the end my 10th level cleric was throwing fireballs (previously a wizard only spell) while flying over the battlefield with wings of light created by divine power, and had a 10% chance of calling for Divine Intervention once a week! And I was far from the strongest character in the party! (Best spellcaster though. Hee hee.)

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Zolar, the big bad of Nerdarchist Ted’s campaign

The terrible two-tentacled T-Rex

The DM compensated by throwing monsters (like the aforementioned T.T. T-Rex) that we really had no business defeating. Zoltar ended up as a lich with two beholder eye stalks (damn clever if you ask me, and yes, the DM converted the model!), which was immune to fire. Also to compensate, magic items were exceedingly rare for the players, but not for the monsters who, when defeated, often had their weapons vanish or such.

Combat with the large group sometimes dragged, as it will with a large group, but… I felt it lacked the flavor of previous editions. Weapons did damage, but were really interchangeable. Emerald’s mace may as well have been a broad sword. Or a wooden club. While slightly more complex, the old versions’ damage by weapon type and bonus/penalties vs. certain armors really added to the flavor of the game. Oh, and forced the player to *lightning and thunder crash* do math!

In the new edition’s favor is that with all the computer programs, companies churning out amazing play aids (like Nerdarchy’s Out of the Box Encounters) and YouTube videos helping people learn the game, as well as just videos of people… just …playing… zzzzzz… Oh, sorry… really helps.

D&D was definitely a niche thing back in the day: nerds and outcasts only, even during the heyday of the early ’80s. Now it’s chic and all the cool kids are playing it. Is this because it’s so streamlined? Probably. It plays like an online video game, which I’m sure helps with recruitment.

Older editions were more complex, required math and deductive reasoning (due to the books being poorly organized in the original edition — yes, I’m looking at you, first edition DM’s Guide!), but had an air of wonder. Everything was new then and as a player one felt like part of something special. I felt that way working for TSR in the ’90s, even though the company was becoming very corporate. Fifth edition is falling into the trap that second edition did — there’s so much material and rules out there that things are becoming convoluted and hard to follow, even with computer assistance.

Or maybe that’s just me. Maybe part of my memories of first and second editions are tinted with the golden light of memory and nostalgia — of old friends, great adventures played in unfinished basements or cramped cinder block dorm rooms.

I DMed a second edition campaign briefly last spring, which ended when one of the players (a Gen Z) said the game was boring, and two of the players went back to fifth edition gaming. The scenario wasn’t boring, she said (Keep on the Borderlands, if you’re curious) but the system was. I was deflated. And hurt. Took it personally.

I’m not here to piss in anyone’s corn flakes — if you enjoy fifth edition then play it! Enjoy the camaraderie, enjoy the settings and making the DM curse when your unexpected action completely derails their plans (that hasn’t changed in any edition!). I’ll play if offered a seat (which as a transgender woman is rare — but that’s another column for later) sure. But to DM?

My heart will always be in the early editions.

Get off my lawn! I would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids! *passes out Werther’s Original candies.*

Be well!

With her first 5E D&D campaign complete now that Nerdarchist Ted's game ended, a longtime player compares the experience to earlier editions of the game Your stalwart old lady grognard finished her first fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons campaign last night! And my character survived!

[promptguardianship]

#QuirkyQuip

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." from Tale of Two Cities. The #QuirkyQuip for today's opening line is...ZEBRA. The gauntlet is thrown down, folks. Dazzle us with your creativity and general full-of-shitness.

 June 27

I have traveled long and far, through sandstorms, survived a Bandersnatch attack and dodged a Sarlacc.

 PS: I'm typing this with my arm hanging by a thread. Does anyone have a health potion for me?

 June 28

I plummeted to the dirt floor clutching three tickets in my bloodied fist. The tickets, one for each prompt were...

Getting them from the roaring ogre almost cost me my leg. My ascended armor wasn't a waste of time and gold.

 June 29

I am one arm down due to the Bandersnatch and an injured leg from the roaring ogre.

But today, I was blessed; Hedwig the owl delivered the messages...

Now he wants a finger in payment! Does Harry have to pay?

 June 30

She crawls from the murky water, covered in debris and smelling like decayed organic matter. The prompt receptacle is clutched tightly to her chest.

"Damn hybrid! It took my eye!"

 July 1

The obsidian sludge bubbled and glooped; heat simmered with a burnt-toast stench. Venturing in to retrieve the prompts would consume her hair, her skin. She turned away; she'd make up the words for today. No one would know.

 July 2

My grip slipped as finality pooled in the tips of my boots dangling inches from a hellhound's maw.

Another arm would've been 'handy'. I giggled hysterically despising the prompt gods who knew Hades would fight for these:

 July 3

Immortality didn't exempt me from pain. I wasn't on duty thanks to Hades. But it shouldn't have surprised me when @synikalangel stumbled across my threshold—bloodied and panting—with prompts clutched in her gloveless hand.

 July 4

I nudged @synikalangel with my toe.

"No prompts," she mumbled from her sherry-induced paralysis.

"I can't go, Syn! My missing hand itches and my glass eye keeps falling out."

"F#$%@k it, Sev. I ain't going."

Enough said.

 July 5

I was a pathetic sobbing mess as I one-arm crawled with the Holy Prompt in-pocket. I'd survived the Grotto of Death, having incorrectly answered a riddle.

How was I supposed to know the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

 July 6

"Please," I begged, as the dragon's fetid breath swathed my face. "I just need the prompts. Not your gold."

INTRUDER, the voice rumbled in my head as fear pooled in my innards.

 July 7

The blaze roared voraciously. Beads on leather strips slapped my naked thighs, spirals of dust rose with each stamping foot.

This Wakandan tribal ritual was survivable.

 July 8

I grimaced as I spotted the canister hanging from a chain around the turtle's neck.

When I said turtle, I meant Kraken-turtle! I couldn't hold my breath for longer than 2 minutes...

This prompt mission just might kill me.

 July 9

Hades smirked, his chest an inch away from mine. His 'devilish' handsomeness made my insides flutter.

"For tart's sake, just give me the damn prompts."

"Make me," he said, a wicked gleam in his eyes.

 July 10

A hot hand gripped my hip, rousing me from slumber.

"Do you need today's prompts?" Hades asked, pressing a heated kiss to a taut nipple. I groaned. "Then the collar stays on." And he tugged me to my knees.

 July 11

Two days of servicing Hades had all my bits and pieces aching.

I'd rather face Medusa; unfortunately, she'd accidentally seen her reflection in her rearview mirror.

"Ready?" He tugged me closer.

 July 12

I gagged as I swallowed the slimy gillyweed. Of all the cursed places to hide the prompts, with Poseidon was the worst.

I'd be lucky to escape with just a trident up my ass.

 July 13

I choked on the dust, then sneezed. Sweat dripped from my brow onto the freshly swept floor.

"You'll have to wipe that, y'know," the troll said, cleaning his dirty fingernails with a screwdriver.

 July 14

The massive bear shifted into a gorgeous, naked man. I ogled, unashamedly. "If you stay, you'll be claimed," He reeked of arrogance. And bear. If it wasn't for Hades I might've let him claim me, vigorously.

 July 15

"Die, you stupid beast!" I bellowed, swinging my sword with my one arm, missing the Jabberwocky by a mile. I dodged his purple flames, feeling the heat licking my ass.

"Go, Sev!" Alice cheered from the sidelines; the lazy git.

 July 16 - @Synikalangel

"You've got nothing," he chuckled, flashing his fangs as he waved the paper.

"Wrong again," I growl, cleaving him in half with a blast of my magic. He collapsed and I grabbed the slip. It was MY week to deliver the list.

 July 17 - @Synikalangel

Crimson drips steadily from my split lip, but I reach down, pulling up my rapidly dwindling magic, flames appearing along my fingers. A smirk plays along my mouth. "Easy way or hard way?" I hope for the latter. #authorlife

 July 18 - @Synikalangel

The dagger twisted in my hip, and my lips parted in pain. Isaac gripped my swollen jaw, forcing my eyes up to look at him. "You're out of magic, so let us see if your mouth can pay for those prompts." #authorlife

 July 19 - @Synikalangel

The broken chain trailed behind me, a solitary shackle around my ankle as I trudged over the broken bodies of the fallen. I pant, dropping to my knees, clutching my treasure to my chest.

 July 20 - @Synikalangel

*Feels @sevannah_storm heated stare across oceans and yelps* I have the LIST!

 July 21 - @Synikalangel

Abigail thrust her hand towards me, and our fingers touched. Her emerald fire spiraled up my arm, scorching my flesh on a metaphysical level. Her magic became mine and we faced the demons. "Round two," she muttered.

 July 22 - @Synikalangel

"That was the most disgusting thing we've ever done," I complain, cringing as I flex my rounded butt cheeks.

 "Yeah, well, we had to hide the list somewhere," @sevannah_storm commented.

 "Still," I mutter, annoyed.

 July 23

??

 July 24

"If I get this mark, I'll have unlimited access to the prompts?" I peered at a smirking Hades. "And the tatt is..?"

Property of Hades was now stamped on my left butt cheek. It's true what they say, the left side is evil.

 July 25

Hades leaned closer, brushing the tip of his nose down the column of my neck. I clutched the prompts to my heaving chest, like a lifeline.

"Will you keep your word?" He jerked at my words. "Or will you be a dick about this?"

 July 26

I awoke to find my limbs pinned to the bed. Hades loomed over me; his face inches from mine.

"I'm off duty! Go share your aspirations of grandeur with @synikalangel!"

"Her turn will come."

"Horny goat," I moaned, huskily.

 July 27

I twirled my hips, hoping I didn't look like a spastic marionette.

If I wanted the prompts, I'd have to dance for Jabba or feel the wrath of his Sarlacc. As I saw it, my life depended on my seductive-shimmy.

I was so screwed.

 July 28

I flipped the bird, testing out my cybernetic limb's neural connections. It was a reward, or bribe, from the Guardian Council for my sacrifice.

"Awesome." Tony grinned, pressing a kiss to the Stark logo on my metal wrist.

 July 29

"So, you're an immortal, doomed to repeat your plummet every time your wings melt?"

Icarus grimaced as he carved the wax into feathers. "Yes; the gods can be cruel."

"Why don't you just fly at night?" His head shot up.

 July 30

"You want me to get these prompts for you?" The man before me oozed competency.

"Yes. If anyone can navigate the collectors AND the reapers, it'd be you. For credits, of course."

"And a little something else?"

I sighed.

 July 31

"So, 50% chance I die?" I dubiously eyed the vat of glowing green goo.

"Or 50% chance of superpowers." @synikalangel shrugged.

"Who's that?"

"From organ donors; someone wants your heart."

"Igor? Hades?"

"The Lazarus project."

 August 1

I blinked in disbelief at the Martian before me.

Take me to your leader...hissed through my mind.

"Which one?" I asked. He shuddered, puffed out then exploded.

 Bloody hell! I think I've started an intergalactic war. Oops.

 August 2

"Shave Chewy? He'll kill me, Daisy." I chewed on my lip nervously. "He's got no eyebrows!" I peeked at Chewy then back at her. "I could sneak hair remover into his conditioner?"

"Do it! He put tauntaun sperm in my moisturizer!"

 August 3

I drew in a deep shuddering breath. My inner girl shrieked deafening my thoughts. Large licorice-shaped leeches snaked between my legs, slimy and hungry.

Hades-bastard had thrown the prompts into the Styx's murky depths.

 August 4

I awoke with a start. A winged man peered down at me Tall, muscled and glowing.

"You're mine, bought and paid for." His deep voice rumbled like distant thunder.

"What?" I squeaked as Hades' tatt on my butt cheek tingled.

 August 5

I admired the sunset, cocooned in Marcus's arms and wings.

"You have Hades's mark," he rumbled in my ear. "If he hasn't kept his word, it will throb warning you of this. I can feel it through my sarong."

"Skirt," I teased.

 August 6

On a glowing pedestal, the statue of a golden monkey called to me. It had the prompts gripped in its eternal grasp. Strange clicking noises ricocheted off the cave walls. Shrouded in darkness, for now, I crept forward.

 August 7

"A golden monkey, you say?" @synikalangel asked.

"Yip. Dealing with a clicking, invisible predator was bad enough; I had to then give the monkey an emerald."

"Let me guess, it wanted El Corazón? AND you had it on you?"

"Yip."

 August 8 - @Synikalangel

I sit on the floor, sobbing, empty chocolate wrappers around me. "Keep going, we need to find it," @sevannah_storm urges. I shake my head, fresh tears gushing. "I can't take it. What if I get another coconut one?"

 August 9

Dragging my harpoon gun behind me, I dry-heaved. Again.

"Sev!" @synikalangel complained. Sewerage water soaked our jeans up to our knees. She turned and pointed her gun at a ripple. At that moment, I was glad she was with me.

 August 10

"Dammit, Sev! How can you trust this man-whore?"

"@Synikalangel! Language! Tony Stark built my arm. He can build you a leg. Besides, I owe you for letting that sewerage-croc eat it." She grimaced at my reminder.

 August 11

"You're back early," @synikalangel greeted as I strolled in.

"It was an easy quest today. Apparently, yesterday's misspelling debacle reached the council's ears. I had to do a spelling bee. A 5th grader almost kicked my ass."

 August 12

My cybernetic arm hung limply so I swung my other fist. It connected, enough to vibrate up my arm, numbing it. The centaur stared at me, unperturbed. Bloody horse.

With a snort, he grabbed and pinned me to his furry chest.

 August 13

"Here a Cretan bull's horn skewered me," @Synikalangel flashed a scar on her hip.

"Nothing beats losing my arm to a Bandersnatch."

"You two do this every time you get drunk," Geralt of Rivia muttered. "I win, happy now?"

 August 14

"Honestly, Sev! You're overreacting!" @synikalangel drew my trembling form into a hug. "You've survived a Bandersnatch, an ogre, a turtle-Kraken, a hybrid and various rogerings with Hades! How hard could your mother be?"

 August 15

The pouch landed on the table with a soft thud.

"Dust of the broken heart," I said before @synikalangel could open her mouth.

"You were Gallaghered by Brownies?"

"Yip, and to get to the prompts inside you have to fall in love."

 August 16

"Holy spitballs!" I gasped as I eyed the hissing viper tails. A Typhon! Of all the monsters in all the world...

I palmed my Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

"Come on, baby. Don't let mama down." I pulled the pin and counted.

 August 17

I #stared at the black fish, in a black pond, under the dark shadow of a black apple tree.

"I Retrieved The Prompts To Avoid Yet Another Near-Sevannah Experience," Death said. I nodded my thanks as I sipped at my black tea.

 August 18

I limped through the door, crimson smudges trailing me

"What happened?" @KikiAlexandraS1 squeaked.

"R.O.U.S" I moaned as I dropped into a chair.

"You went into the Fire Swamp? Are you insane?"

 August 19

"You're a prompt guardian; you can find anyone." Toombs pressed a gat to my temple. "Where's he? Where's Riddick?"

"Right behind you," I said.

"I'm not an idiot," Toombs spat.

"You made three mistakes...," Riddick rumbled.

 August 20

"So all I need to do is sneak onto a destroyer in mid-space? And then once on board the star, make my way to the main reactor, deactivate it and remove the prompt vessel?"

"Yes, all without triggering the force."

"Right."

 August 21

"Don't you dare throw that rock at me, you...you hairball!" I yelled at the tiny tittering creature. I hated to admit if only to myself, he was adorable. It tittered again. "A rebel cruiser, you say? They have the prompts?"

 August 22

As first dates went it wasn't bad until he chained my wrists to the dock...

"The Great Dragon thanks you." I gasped as his eyes glowed red.

"I'm not a virgin, you idiot!" A roar thundered from a speck on the horizon.

Oh, shit.

 August 23

"Come on, Sev! You're being a baby."

"I. Am. Not."

"It's just one little injection. You've taken on worse things than this."

"The dentist can take his injection and his drill and shove it up his..."

"Sev!"

 August 24

Holding a Château Cheval Blanc, I tugged the cork off with my teeth, spit it out and drank from the bottle. The prompts were etched in the glass, but I couldn't resist tormenting Dionysus who gurgled beside me in horror.

 August 25

I hung from the rafter, binocs in hand. At precisely 14:19, the sun would shine through the multi-colored rose window, onto the gold cross above the altar. It would reflect the rays, revealing the location of the prompts.

 August 26

"You're just going to 'beam' me up and I'll materialize with all my bits and pieces? Then what?"

"Then we travel to the Vega system."

"How long will that take?"

"Days."

"What? A trip to Mars is 2 years! One way!"

 August 27

The screech from the hull, followed by a skittering sound had me ducking...What the hell?

"Get to the evac pods...!" Olson yelled then gurgled. Blood spluttered out of his mouth and something alien burst from his chest.

 August 28

As I pried it open the door squealed, loud in the deafening silence. Once the gap was large enough, my hands regripped the laser-cutter I'd found in Security. It sliced through these critters like a fork through cheesecake.

 August 29

My boots squelched as I moved down the passage. The flickering lights told me to find the last evac pod. I snorted. What? Like the mutilated body parts smearing the floors and walls weren't a sign?

 August 30

"Worthy," it hissed. The large critter swayed, non-threateningly, as goo dripped off its multi-fangs.

I hefted my laser-cutter, prepared for an attack.

"Dance off?" it challenged and would've arched a brow if it had one.

 August 31

The wailing piercing my eardrums stained my fingers scarlet.

"Stop!" I begged the alien mother. If that was their music...Lord help me. "You win. What do you want?"

"Someone to listen to our poetry," it hissed in my mind.

 September 1

Alone. Sole survivor. The gutted, lifeless ship shrunk as the shuttle traveled deeper into space.

"A.N.I..." I squeaked, spinning to find Hades. "Chart a course for Earth..."

"What...how?"

"Time and space cannot contain me."

 September 2

"ANI, can I jettison someone without compromising the shuttle?"

"There is one person on board, traveler." I glance at Hades and scowled.

"What do you want, Hades?"

"Question unknown," ANI intoned.

"I am...fond of you, Sev."

 September 3  - @Synikalangel

The static over the radio makes it hard for me to discern what @sevannah_storm is saying, but it sounds like her return has prompted an admission of fondness from Hades. I cringe, shaking my head. What was she up to now?

 September 4

I removed my finger from the radio hoping @synikalangel got my message.

"Fond of me? What does that mean?" I ask Hades.

"I want to...date you."

This was a shitstorm of epic proportions, worse than the Kraken-turtle.

 September 5

Granny's nips! What do I say to that?

Hi mom, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend...Hades?

"To what end?" I ask him. "You date to get married...or have sex regularly."

Probably the latter...but damn! I wasn't THAT good.

 September 6

"Um, what about Persephone?" His tattoo on my butt cheek throbbed.

"What about her?" Hades asked as he sidled closer.

"Legend says she's your wife."

"Perse's my wife? Argh...and Demeter's my mother-in-law? Your mom's nicer."

 September 7

"Hades! You can't judge a girlfriend by her mom."

"Are you or are you not interested?" he asked, sliding his hands over my hips. Oh, holy mother of mint balls! This could be the best of times or the worst...

"Yes," I breathed.

 September 8

"Strip," Hades commanded. I huffed, liking his expression but not his tone.

"I'm not your slave." I pressed my hand against his chest.

"Strip or I'll tear your clothes off you, Sev." He smirked. "You can disembark naked."

 September 9

Oomph.                      Please move your knee.

 Ohhh.                 Grunt.

 "Are you protected?"

"Your swimmers are fertile?" I gasped.

"Nevermind..."                                           Throaty moan.

 September 10

"Is @Synikalangel getting the prompts for you?"

"I get them 'for free' when I'm with you. Apparently, the universe deems you dangerous enough...Or did you organize this?"

"Interfere? I would never!"

"Yeah, right," I snorted.

 September 11

"I don't like you in danger." Hades tugged me into his arms.

"What? Like no more prompt guardianship?"

"I command it," he boomed, using his hell voice.

"Oh no, you didn't!"

 September 12

"I love it when you get angry; it arouses me..."

"I don't want to hear it," I scolded Hades. "You've had me twice already."

"But as my girlfriend..."

"You get it when I say so."

"How about now?"

"Ok."

 September 13

The shuttle shuddered beneath me and it wasn't from Hades' sexual prowess.

"ANI?" I squeaked.

"It is the Borg," the robotic voice said.

"Oh, shit!"

"Relax, Sev." Hades pressed a kiss to my bare shoulder. "I created them."

 September 14

"Just because you created the Borg doesn't mean they'll obey you!" I stomped my foot. "Honestly, your arrogance is..."

"Phenomenal, godly...panty-dropping?" Hades chuckled. With a flick of a hand, the approaching cube halted.

 September 15

Not even an hour after the Borg had receded...

"Holy tamale! Is that Great A'tuin? I thought she was just a story."

"Most stories are based on some level of truth," Hades mumbled, his lips feathering along my thigh.

 September 16

"Can we take a break? I'm starting to get friction burns. I'd like to disembark without walking like John Wayne."

"I could heal you?" Hades offered.

"Let's just talk, you know...like a couple."

He grimaced. "Talk?"

 September 17

"30 Minutes," ANI's voice mingled with our ragged breathing. Wings beat on the outside of the shuttle, increasing with deafening intensity.

"My demons welcoming me home," Hades said as he rode me all the way down to Earth.

 September 18

Seconds before the shuttle docks, Hades turns to me.

"Sev, will you live with me? These 3 days have been the best. I don't want to lose that, lose you."

"Can I leave Tartarus when I want to?"

"With guards...I need you safe."

 September 19

"I can't be running around with demons on my ass, Hades! And I can take care of myself." I tried not to pout. It was a struggle.

"Sev, how much of you is non-organic?"

"It's on my bucket list to be 100% cyborg," I quipped.

 September 20

"I'm off to see the Guardian Council."

"You're not resuming your duties." Hade's stubborn chin rose.

"I've ass-demon bodyguards. And by now everyone knows we're bonking. I'll be fine. I ain't your kryptonite, babe."

 September 21

"I know Superman."

"You do not!" I gasped.

"All stories based on fact, remember."

"Do you know all of them? Kirk, George, David, Christopher, John, Gerard, Dean, Tom, Henry, and Tyler?"

"I know Kal-El."

"Shut the eff up!"

 September 22

"Do zombies exist?"

"Don't be an idiot."

"Shifters do. I've...," I hesitated.

"You've what?" Hades arched a brow.

"I...I met one, up close."

"You slept with a wolf?" His face darkened.

"A bear, and we didn't...y'know."