#we had made up discourse for funsies though

[yume-fanfare]

Mar I need to know how bad the hetalia hit you because it was BAD with me I tell you

one of those guys is competing with tori for character ive drawn the most in my entire life and i am not sure if tori wins

[capricornsicle]

I have a feeling your ask box and I are going to be familiar. You might be hot-taked out after that killer Satomi discourse. But whenever you’ve got it in you, I’d sure love to hear what you think about Kira and her Jeff-deemed-absolutely-necessary departure.

Oh, definitely. And I do love content, so...

Kira Yukimura was done so dirty by the writers and Jeffrey “I’m not racist I’ll prove it by arguing to poc calling me out for it on twitter” Davis. Her treatment was racist, tokenizing, and it wasn’t even high-brow racism. It was sloppy and lazy. If you’re gonna write all your characters of color off the show, commit to it. She went to the desert like 5 times before she stayed. Cowards.

Kira was only meant to be on the show for the Nogitsune storyline in 3b. However, fans liked her so much that, as with Theo in season 6, she was brought back for more episodes. The difference is that Cody Christian is white-passing and male and Arden Cho is not. Female characters don’t exist on Teen Wolf without a relationship to a male character. Hayden existed for Liam. Tracy existed for Theo. Melissa existed for Scott and Argent. Allison existed for Scott. Lydia, the female character with the most screentime of all of them, spent a lot of her time existing in relationship to Jackson, Stiles, Parrish (shudder), and other male main characters. Women on the show were reduced to love interests and mothers more often than not, and Kira was the same.

I loved her character. I loved her arc. I loved Arden Cho, who in real life is as sweet and kind as her character. I enjoyed her parents, both Noshiko, who’s surprisingly funny and a total badass, and Ken, who’s the most wholesome man in the universe. The only straight man we stan. I love him.

Anyways, Kira was getting a fun arc outside of being Scott’s girlfriend, with her parents and her powers and all, and then wham, white-passing boy shows up and no more main character status for Kira. Guess there wasn’t enough room to keep the only interesting plot line of all the ones happening in s5. Personally, I would have chosen Kira over the Marrish garbage fire of underage relationships, but that’s just me.

Then. The Skinwalkers. I could write a whole essay about them, but this is a Kira post, so I’ll limit it to her. At least Luther got sent to the moon for a reason. Kira got sent to the desert for “rEaSoNs”. There was no indication that her power was out of control, but every indication it wasn’t. She was growing and learning. Then, suddenly, she was “too powerful” so she had to go to the desert and disappear for a few episodes and then go back and forth for a while before they wrapped up sending Theo to the upside down or wherever he went and she could finally go... hang out with the people who we were told could help her control her power but who only threw spears at her and gave her a season finale ex machina. Then back to the desert with you!

You can tell something was going on backstage in her treatment. Arden Cho wasn’t informed she was being cut, she had to be told by fans. Her departure was carried out as swiftly as possible, and not for any real reason. Kira would have been tremendously helpful against the hunters and in a lot of later scenes, against the Ghost Riders (and let me remind everyone that KIRA WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD LYDIA ABOUT THE WILD HUNT), against pretty much anything. Immune to electrocution? Don’t help with the hunters who love electrocuting people. Sloppy writing through and through.

And what’s more is that Kira was cut just in time for the Scalia thing, which was so fucking rushed oh my GOD nothing has ever been less natural- this is a Kira post, calm down capsicle. Anyways, Kira got replaced as Scott’s love interest and not much else by a white girl, no hate on Malia or Shelley but much on the writers. I loved Malia and Kira’s friendship, and if anyone should have gotten with Malia, it should have been Kira. (The first time I saw Malia I wondered if we were getting another ambiguously brown character, actually, but no, just Georgian and well-tanned. But I bet not all my followers knew Tracy was played by a Chinese and Cherokee actor. Or that Nolan was played by a Mexican and Caxcan actor. Or that Theo was played by a Penobscot Native actor. The list goes on of white-passing POC who got to stay marginally longer than Black or brown characters.) The “Scott ends up with a white girl he has no chemistry with” threw me for many loops, especially after I was surprised to find myself liking Scira, even though I’m usually bored by straight relationships because of their one-sided focus and nonexistent chemistry. Kira got to be a character outside of Scott, and I liked their romance better for it, and then desert for a thousand years!

TLDR on the canon end of things is that Kira and Arden were done dirty by a group of powerful white men who wanted to tell a cishet white story.

Now, on the fandom end of things, I’m stepping into the real hot water. It’s safe to say that Kira’s story was sloppy and Arden didn’t deserve that ending, but it’s less safe to say that this fandom doesn’t treat her that well either. Here’s the most popular x Scott ships on Ao3, under the Teen Wolf tag with no other filters.

Scott and Allison. Scott and Stiles. Scott and Isaac. Then Scott and Kira, in dead last. Scott and Malia don’t even make the top ships list, probably because of how rushed and sloppy it was, but I digress.

People love Scott and Allison a lot, and I get that. I liked her too. I was also sad when she died. But, unlike a lot of sentiment I see in this fandom, I don’t think she should have been brought back to fight the beast in season 5 and get back with Scott. Not only do I think bringing characters back to life without very good reason and explanation (which they wouldn’t have, come on) cheapens their death, and that bringing characters back to life is weak storytelling in general, but let’s recall that Scira is still a thing in season 5. They’re still madly in love when Kira leaves. Allison should not have come back and love-triangled so Kira could be written off for a different white girl or so the massive amount of young white girls in the fandom who love Allison would be angry at Kira for breaking up their OTP. That would have been the one thing that could have made season 5 worse. (Well, they could have made Marrish a thing or killed Mason, but Jeff Davis thought about it and a shiver went down his spine because the ghost of Christmas future hears my name in its nightmares.)

Even if people aren’t “bring Allison back” campers, they largely ignore Kira’s entire existence. People who post gifsets and posts about Allison or Lydia don’t give anywhere near the same amount of attention to Kira. I see more Malia posts, actually. And while all of them had more runtime than Kira, none of them paired with Scott quite as perfectly, or had such strong independent storylines. Lydia almost did, but it kept petering out and she kept going back to main plot only. I see lots of appreciation posts for Allison and Lydia and Malia and the men, obviously, but NOTHING for Kira or Arden Cho. We all know what happened backstage because we read the same post in 2016 or whenever and then we all stopped talking about it.

Even the racism in this fandom skips Kira. Scott antis, I’m looking (controversially) at you. I’m glad Kira isn’t the subject of a bunch of obvious racism (as much as “bring Allison back!” makes it subtle), but not because she’s a forgotten side character. Kira made the main credit sequence! She has a sword! What else could you all POSSIBLY want?

And here’s where I burn at the stake: Kira was written off her own damn “look Fun Japanese mythology” storyline half the time so it could center around Stiles. A white boy. There were numerous issues with the mythology before that — “Oni” means demon, not “firefly samurai ninja”, and it refers to a similar mythology as the western “fae”, a large collection of creatures benevolent, malevolent, and in between, with different traits and origins. Kitsunes are meant to be red or white, not gold, and they’re foxes, not cats, animation team. “Nogitsune” refers to the malevolent class of “low” Kitsune, or “wild” Kitsune, who didn’t align themselves with the goddess Inari and do divine and pious work. There are many of them and the most they really do is harass people at shrines, not murder indiscriminately for funsies. They’re only malevolent in that they like doing bad deeds, not that they’re serial killers. And they’re not one of the usual 13 low Kitsune, two of which are bad of their own accord! (Spirit and Air. Google it!) They are meant to be dealt with by Inari-aligned high Kitsune, not your average tricky fox. Among other things.

So Stiles. Outside of the Kira storyline, he’s used in a lot of fandom discourse about racism and sexism. And queerbaiting. Y’all love a scrawny white boy. Anyways, Stiles gets possessed by the Nogitsune (that’s NOT how that works but okay Jeffrey) and suddenly s3 is about him. Kira’s not evil, now let’s look at Stiles being tired and messy and killing people. Dylan #1 did a great job playing that part, no hate on him, but the fact that a white boy became the main character in a Japanese (or Korean, if you’re Jeff, same thing) girl’s storyline is. Hmm. How do you call it? Blatant racism. And erasure. Which is racism. YIKES, Jeff. There is so much wrong with Stiles being the Nogitsune and controlling the Oni and his whole story (and oh my god the other guy who got possessed was also a white boy instead of a Japanese character played by the same actress Jesus fucking Christ). I’m not going into that, because that’s its own essay.

Anyways, because of how much this fandom loves Stiles, it’s easy to ignore how Kira and Japanese characters were treated. People project onto Stiles with glee. He’s white. He’s awkward. He’s (supposedly) not super attractive. (Yikes.) He’s ditzy and bouncy and all that fun stuff, but he also always saves the day. He got written off for most of 6b and he still saved the stupid day. And hey, dark!Stiles (let’s not get into calling him dark instead of Nogitsune that’s just too much wine we’d have to crack open to say it) is a fun trope and people like posting and creating about him. Except that he’s the white boy who took Kira’s storyline. Her independent story about Kitsune and the like was all given over to him, not just by the show, but by the fandom. So now every post about Kitsune is a Stiles post, even if it started with Kira. And because it’s Stiles, and this fandom loves him, and is easily offended by people leaning too hard on the glass house around them and him, Kira gets forgotten and swept aside. Everyone would rather talk about Stiles. Who is incapable of bad. Or cultural appropriation. But if you attack him you’re being ableist because he has ADHD. This is why I relate to Nolan for anxiety feels instead.

TLDR on the fandom end, y’all don’t treat Kira better than the show did. I see a few posts here and there from some dedicated users — typically the same people posting about Boyd, Deaton, Morrell, yeah that’s it I’m the only one posting about Kali. (Un-fun fact: Kali was not played by an Indian actor, but by a half-Black actor. Jeff Davis, when called out on twitter, said “wow ok idiots we tried to find an Indian actress but it was hard actually SUPER hard so shut up and stop telling me how to write MY show”, which is paraphrasing with intent to make fun, but exactly what he said.) Y’all who know about Arden and Kira should diversify your blogs to include more POC, especially ones where the actor AND character were rudely sidelined for vague white people reasons. Post gifs of Kira along with Allison, Lydia, and Malia. Post ship stuff of Scira too. Post about kitsunes, the origin story of the Nogitsune, when you post about the white boy who became the main character of that arc. Call the show out. Call the fandom out. Stop making every bit and piece of her story about Czechoslovakia White Boy. Demand Kira in any future runs of the show, if season 7 or whatever does happen. Include her in your fanfictions, in your headcanons, in your art. You don’t have to love her, but you have to remember that she’s as there as any of the white characters are.

This take is very hot. If I receive racist asks and/or messages about this, I’m going to make fun of each and every sender.

[dreamingkelz]

Since this is apparently in the discourse right now, imma say, let’s go.

MCC14 was scuffed.  Beyond scuffed.  And unfortunately, it was scuffed in such a way that there was an easily-identifiable ‘villain,’ in this case, Scott and, by extension, his team.  Scott winning Ace Race by the margin he did very much made it look like he benefitted from insider information while everyone else was screwed over by a lack of it (regardless of whether this is true).  Everything else that the Aqua Axolotls did, up to and including winning the event, added fuel to that fire.  Which is not great, especially in a fanbase as volatile as this one. No one on that team deserved the hate they received.  It is just a game.  And a game for funsies at that.  I guarantee that, had the Ace Race fiasco not happened, nobody would have given a crap about Hbomb phasing through walls in Hole in the Wall, but alas, Ace Race did happen, and emotions were high after that event.

People were mad already.  Did Dream, Sapnap, and Punz (and George???) fan the flames with their post-game stream?  Maybe.  For me, it was cathartic.  Like, ‘hey, that event sure was scuffed.  Let’s laugh and take the piss out of it.’  I suppose it wasn’t all-around professional, but it did make me feel a little less frustrated, at least.  Obviously, not everyone is going to take it in the same way.

Regardless, I’m seeing takes that say Dream and Sapnap should be banned from the event for awhile, which seems a bit far, imo.  They weren’t inciting people to go after Scott and Hbomb, at least from what I saw (I watched Punz’s perspective and came in a little late, admittedly).  And at least one of the takes I remember, “how did Scott not think testing the map beforehand could be a problem,” is valid criticism.  From what I saw, the people involved were careful to indicate that the biggest problems came from a lapse in judgment and not from any act of malice, and regularly reminded people not to send hate. You could say it was irresponsible to say negative things about the event when impressionable eyes were watching, but they were hardly the only ccs complaining even if they were complaining the loudest.  And I have no doubts that, even if they hadn’t done that post-game stream, people still would have gone after Scott and Hbomb.  

I couldn’t imagine ever sending hate towards a cc (let alone talking to them, lol), but I know I was frustrated well before I even found out about the post-game stream.  I was combing the MCC tag, just looking for someone to confirm that my feelings were valid, and it was, admittedly, weird seeing everyone being so silly after the event (”If Philza jumped off a bridge would you?  Yes, apparently.”).  In retrospect, the perspective you watched really colored your mood post-event.  (I watched four different perspectives in the end.  If I had watched Pink Parrots or Cyan Creepers live, I would have been a lot less heated than I was watching Green Guardians, or would have been even with the Red Rabbits).  

That being said, I think banning Dream and Sapnap from the event would make things way worse than they’ve already been.  If the fanbase is willing to go after people for such minor slights as a game being scuffed, imagine what would happen if they were actually banned (and why just Dream and Sapnap?  At the very least, Punz was in there too).  I know it’s not great to say ‘this person is too powerful to be punished in any meaningful way,’ but I imagine in this case, if noxcrew wanted to handle the situation, it would best be left to happen out of the public eye.  Fans do make controversy all the worse.

Lastly, the post I’m seeing cites being ‘too competitive’ as a reason to ban them, which feels really shitty.  From the vods I’ve seen, I haven’t seen Dream, at least, being overtly toxic towards his teammates (though I am limited to only two vods.  I’m mostly a Quackity watcher).  I can’t really speak for Sapnap, but it seems like, with the team-building, Dream is treated as someone who is going to carry his team.  But since he’s not an amazing team leader, he struggles to do so a lot of the time.  That seems reasonable to me.  Punishing people for less-than-flawless leadership skills seems like a shitty thing to do.  As long as they’re not actively creating a hostile environment, it should be fine.  And from Scott’s ‘How I build the teams video,’ one of the questions on the sign-up sheet asks how competitive you are, implying Dream and Sapnap are not the only competitive people in the event.  And yet, here we are.

I don’t know.  Are Dream and Sapnap a little toxic?  Sure, I guess?  Is what happened to Hbomb and Scott shitty?  Absolutely.  But I don’t think there’s anything here to be punished for, and to do so would absolutely make things worse than they already are.  I’m hoping we can just move forward and have a perfectly lovely MCC15.

[ophiedokes]

ProsLegAnon - Not having a Tumblr, I sometimes forget to check in lol. So sorry! But I did see that reblog and I just... don't know what to say. I'm so warm inside that you liked it. And that Ghosty did what she usually does and pulls out the flourishes of fluff. You definitely deserve all the love and good things, so I'm really glad it turned out to be something really good for you! And oh my gosh! More MiMG things?! That I get to comment on?!? I'm eeeee! Thank you! Wow. Had to think about this

for just a little bit and I think that while Peeta would like things like Master Chef and de-stress no-think series for funsies, he'd be most passionate about shows/books/movies that make a statement. In my headcanon, he watches things like Black Mirror to engage in the discourse. On a similar vein, and because we all tend to gravitate toward having our narratives/the narratives we wished we were living out mirrored in fiction, I've come to the personal conclusion that Peeta's strongest /fandom/ involvement would be for things marketed to kids/young adults. Because those tend to say more/have the potential to say more than 'adult' media. And I definitely think he'd be making the most commissions off of Avatar: The Last Airbender and How To Train Your Dragon things - to finally answer your actual question lol. He'd prob also be most known for his backgrounds/landscape use in the fanart. Sorry for rambling and thanks for asking and what an amazingly fascinating thing to consider!

AAaaaAAA!!!Okay, YES, yes yes yes. To everything. Oh man. Okay. Okay, so. So. I mentioned in an earlier answer that this is gonna end up being a roommate AU right lol (Katniss has no good reason to keep living in her parents house when it’s just her and Peeta Has to Get Out of his parents hosue) and just the concept of like Katniss and Peeta on the couch watching Reality cooking shows made me. soft. Because Katniss would also love that shit even though it would make her hungry and just. Ugh. The domesticity of that concept sent me spiraling. And of COURSE, of course he’s like, doing digital art on a tablet while they watch. And Katniss is trying to not look over at what he’s doing but she’s so fucking curious --  and it’s funny, because I actually also assumed that he would be into something that was marketed to kids/young adults as well! I hadn’t narrowed down what (I knew it wasn’t Harry Potter -- which I’ve never read -- and I very briefly considered something like Narnia but then was like. The religious aspects of that aren’t something I feel like bringing into a fic I’m writing lol) but I was thinking it was something that Katniss was like, vaguely aware of because of Prim but hadn’t ever really given a fair shake that she would obviously then Have To Check Out because of Peeta and see completely differently through his eyes, and I had no idea what it would be so I dropped the idea of it being a YA/Children’s media thing and was still just sort of scouting around and wondering if it would just have to be completely vague because nothing would fit. I’m gonna respond more in depth to how fully perfect I think this suggestion is on the other ask you sent, but TLDR -- I LOVE IT, it’s PERFECT. Also, I see your Black Mirror and I raise you, Peeta hangs out at home working on commissions and has seen every single episode of the original run of The Twilight Zone at least twice and still leaves them on for background noise, because of course he has and because TTZ has a bit of a broader scope in terms of ending on a somewhat hopeful for humanity note than Black Mirror does -- and ALSO on a lark one time, Peeta drew some really lovely and soft and romantic San Junipero art and is always a little bit confused and delighted by the sheer amount of notes it’s always getting since it isn’t a fandom he generally posts art for. 

[eldritchsurveys]

o62.

[[ Random Survey Questions // By @x-hallie-x​ ]] What is the most you’ve ever eaten in one sitting? >> I have no idea, really... probably like 7/8ths of a pizza? Or maybe something else. I also don’t pay a whole lot of attention, so, you know.

How often do you skip breakfast? >> “Breakfast” is a hard concept for me to lock onto, because I usually eat at some point after waking up, but it’s not like... a dedicated meal. I just eat when I’m too hungry not to.

What’s the longest you’ve gone without leaving the house? >> Here, probably five days or so.

Where are you going the next time you go out? >> Sparrow is going to this... idk, informal memorial thing or something for one of her grandparents so I guess I’m going with her lol.

Did/do you miss a lot of school or do you have a good attendance record? >> I had an impeccable attendance record until high school, and the only reason I didn’t have an impeccable one in high school is because I was in and out of the hospital by eleventh grade.

What are some weird habits you have while eating/about food in general? >> I don’t like certain textures (things being mushy when they’re not Supposed to be is the best example). Produce has to be inspected and vetted before I put it in my mouth; any imperfection is liable to put me off eating it. I don’t like messy sandwiches (have had shutdowns in restaurants because of messy burgers and such). Probably more, but I don’t really think about it until someone points it out or I inconvenience someone else with a habit of mine.

What kinds of things are likely to make you cry? >> Certain movies. Grey’s Anatomy. Some of the things Can Calah says. A lot of the things Wednesday says. That’s really it as far as “likely” is concerned.

What are some things that make others cry that don’t make you cry at all? >> Animal death and most people’s deaths (David Bowie was a special case and I’ll fight anyone about it) are the only things I can think of that are almost guaranteed to make other people cry but generally don’t affect me on that exact same level. Other than that, I feel like the things that make people cry are as varied as people themselves, and it’s really difficult to compare this sort of thing.

If you drink/smoke, how often do you do these things? >> As of the past month or so, I’ve been drinking significantly less in comparison to earlier habits. I opened a bottle of wine a couple of weeks ago and I only just drank the last of it a couple of days ago. I’ve had a four-pack of Backwoods Bastard for at least a week and a half, and I still have two left. I don’t even drink enough to get past tipsy anymore, I just kinda stop myself when I notice the “hey we feel great, so that means drink more!” impulse, because I know it’s a fallacy and it’s one discipline-related thing I can teach myself right now -- to ignore that voice. I don’t really just... sit and drink anymore, which is an improvement. I think it’s finally just lost most of its appeal -- alcohol is too much of a stressor on the body-mind and I’m tired of it. I don’t smoke anymore; I try to sometimes because I still have this pack of cloves and I’m just like “meh” every time. I would still smoke weed, though, but I don’t have access to that.

Where was the last place you went out to eat and what did you order?What do you think of fast food? >> I actually don’t remember... I’m sure we went out at some point after Chicago but I’m just blanking on it. So I’ll just say Nando’s, which was in Chicago, and we ordered wings and chips (and I got one of the custards). I like fast food, I think it’s great. I just can’t eat it often because I have a bougie body. (You can thank my father for that.)

What website do you spend the most time on and why? >> tumblr, because I genuinely enjoy it here.

What’s the most amount of time you’ve spent online? Is this usual for you? >> Like, in a day? All of it. And yeah, that’s pretty standard for me, although video games now influence how much time I’m actually on the web (as opposed to using the internet connection for the game).

What is something you daydream about often? >> I don’t know that I daydream. I am either in meatspace or inworld, but I don’t think I play around in dreamscapes much. Inworld kind of is like a dreamscape, in the sense that it’s sensitive to Our needs and wants and adapts accordingly, so I guess that limits my need for daydreaming...? I don’t know. When I do daydream it’s to get ideas for writing stuff, I think.

What is one belief you used to have, but no longer do? In what ways are you influenced by the opinions of others, if ever? >> I used to believe that my identity was set in stone and I couldn’t do anything about that. And I guess I’m reasonably influenced by the opinions of others -- like, I’ll always consider a convincing argument. I try not to get caught up too much in confirmation bias, but that’s always going to be a pitfall, too. Mostly I just try to keep an open mind, because it’s valuable to me not to get too tunnel-visioned or “this is how it is and anything else is wrong!” about anything. After all, what do I know, right?

What was the last thing to make you feel good about yourself? >> I don’t remember. Uncertainty (regarding myself, my development, my contribution to society, etc) has been a struggle lately, but I guess that’s just human.

How would you describe your overall (or preferred) personal aesthetic? >> Right now I’m just kind of a lazy goth/metalhead. It’s difficult for me to shop for clothing and I also don’t have a lot of money. Plus, it doesn’t matter as much to me as it did when I was a little younger and had to look like a goth fashion plate at all times. (I did look good, though! :p)

What kinds of small judgments are you likely to make about others? >> I make a lot of inconsequential snap judgements about people on tumblr, mostly, because that’s the most contact I have with strangers on a regular basis. You know, like... “oh god you must not get off tumblr much if you’re discoursing about whether aces belong in the queer community” or “oh my god you really can’t stand to see the word queer ever in your life? smh” stuff like that. Mostly because I’m fucking tired of the discourse, but luckily I don’t see much of it on my dashboard so I usually don’t have much snarky internal commentary to make. 

What was the last thing you did mostly because society expected you to? >> That’s a good question but I don’t remember, lol.

When was the last time you felt out of place? >> In “bougie Meijer” (the Meijer in Cascade, which is an upscale part of town... they have Tesla charger ports in the parking lot, if that’s any indication) earlier. It’s such a low-grade alienation that I don’t even notice it anymore, but like... just going a lot of places in Michigan makes me feel out of place and socially/culturally alienated. I have never belonged here and I don’t expect to ever feel like I belong here.

Do you believe in aliens, spirits, or angels of any sort? >> Sure. I see no reason not to.

In what ways are you superstitious? >> I’m not sure. I don’t think I am, really; I think I have a few minor compulsions at best, but I’m not really superstitious per se.

What is something you wish for right now? >> To not have a reproductive system.

Where was the last place you went walking and how far? Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? >> Uh... the mall, I guess? Does that count? LOL. Wasn’t very far. I don’t do much walking these days. And I don’t know, I’d just... rather not exercise at all. Doing it with others doesn’t really make it any more fun for me because that’s how much I hate it.

What kinds of nail polish colors do you prefer to wear? How about makeup? >> Black, usually. I like other colours, I just... feel more comfortable in black. I like gold and dark shimmery colours in makeup, and plum-toned lip colour.

How would you describe your own relationship with makeup? >> I don’t really have a relationship with it, I wear it sometimes for the lulz but usually I don’t have the patience for it. It’s a huge hassle for someone like me.

Who has been in your life the longest amount of time? What about the shortest? >> I think Elle has been in my life for the longest amount of time (9 years). Shortest... Rez, I think (maybe 7 or 8 months? idk time isn’t real).

Who was the last person to leave your life? How about return to it? >> I just realised some of these questions got mushed together when I copied it and they weren’t supposed to be answered that way, lmao. Oops. Oh well, what’s done is done. The last person to leave my life was Sigma and the last one to return to it was Hallie.

When it comes to travel, what kinds of places intrigue you most? >> Culturally-rich places, places where people look more like me, places where colonisation and/or Westernisation hasn’t completely supplanted the local culture and religion, places where nature isn’t treated like something to conquer.

Do you think humans colonizing Mars is a good idea? Would you go, if you could? >> I think it’s an amazing idea, and I love it. Whether it’s a “good” idea or not is better argued by people who have knowledge of these things. I don’t know if it’s a “good” idea or not, but I know it makes me very excited, and that’s all I can speak about. I would absolutely go if I could.

What is the farthest you’ve walked in one day and what made you do it? >> Probably a few miles. Well, there was one time when I was stuck in North Carolina and I wanted out and I... well, it’s a long story, lmao, I’ll certainly tell it but not in the middle of a survey. I’ve also walked many city blocks in a day when I lived in New York, for funsies or for free travel... but I don’t know how to translate that unit of measurement into more standard units.

Why do or don’t you prefer to make New Year resolutions? If you make them, what kinds are likely to stick? >> I don’t make them because there’s no way a New Year resolution is going to stick any harder for me than it would if I made the resolution any other time of year. I think NYRs are cool and fine, they just are ineffective for me personally. Also, I try not to put that kind of pressure on myself unless it’s absolutely necessary, and if it is, then it doesn’t matter what time of year it is.

Do you have a chore/housecleaning routine or anything like that? >> Not... really. 

How organized would you say your living space is? >> My room is vaguely disorganised only because my storage options are limited and the space is small so things get out of hand really quickly. It does bother me but I try not to get too far into my head about it because honestly, it really isn’t that big a deal, I’m just crazy. The rest of the apartment is in various stages of array or disarray because Sparrow, lol.

What is one thing your ideal living situation would include? >> A big bathroom with a big glass-door shower with dark stone instead of white tile. (Or maybe no doors. Just the showerhead(s) and a sloped floor for proper drainage. I don’t know, I just have this badbrains complex about small white bathrooms with a lot of “hidden”/hard-to-clean nooks that’s really been ruining my life.)

What is something important that’s often on your mind lately? >> Me. Hurr hurr. :B Uh... I can’t think of anything specific, you know, it’s just... life. Things about me and my development, things about how I can be a “good/better” (that’s not the word set I would use exactly, but you know what I mean... like “effective” but not quite so clinical) SO, things about being human and what it means for me to be human, things about my fear of death and how to deal with it, things about how to help myself since I can’t seem to get any professional help, adulting things like finances and stuff, and so on.

What about something unimportant, but you can’t stop thinking about it? >> Hmm... I don’t know! Probably like... how much I miss NOLA. That ain’t important. But it feels important to me! :’(

Do you find it easier to forgive yourself or others? >> I don’t really think about forgiveness, it’s not a concept that has much use for me. I really do think it’s like... a religious sort of thing, like a ritualistic “I have let go of this thing for the moral good” kind of cathartic... rite??? I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve never felt the need to make a point to Forgive Someone. It always seemed like an extra step, like... I’ve already processed this pain and I’m learning how to accept myself as this new creature with this new scar and I’m moving on with my life... oh, wait, now I have to Forgive too? I’m already moving on! Isn’t that the same thing? Or like, if I let someone back into my life, then I have to Forgive them too? That isn’t the same thing???? It really confuses me and I know sometimes I just sound Dense or like I’m playing dumb or something but like... listen, I live in this brain, and it works the way it works. Sue me. And if I’m not wreaking bloody vengeance on you, then just... call it “forgiven” if you must, and let’s move on! Please, for our fathers’ sake! :’)

Have you ever had to call 911? For who/what reason? >> Yeah. My first boyfriend, Tommy, was an addict and overdosed twice in one week. I had to call the ambulance both times. (His GP had prescribed him a giant ass bottle of Vicodin for this “old injury” pain he complained of. When I say “giant”, I mean like... there were 150 pills in there. I remember this because the EMTs had me count how many were left, and it was something like 70. He’d only gotten them a few days prior, like a week prior at most. They made me count twice because it seemed so implausible to them. But nope! His GP was a fucking idiot and he was a career addict!!! It be’s like that!!!!!) (And THEN, to top it off, this fucking dude came over and brought drugs with him! And gave them to Tommy! He got his ass beat in the hospital elevator by Tommy’s best friend and threatened into disappearing, though, so that solved that problem. (I know because I was there.)) Great story, huh! I was also still in pharmacy tech school at this time! I did my homework in the ER! I don’t think I knew what sleep was for a week! ...I know there are a lot of exclamation points in here and it looks like I’m still upset, but actually I’m just fucking amazed at some of my experiences sometimes. Like... and yet! I’m still out here!!!!

What was the last book you purchased? Have you started reading it yet? >> The last book I bought was... hmm... I don’t remember. But the last book I was bought was A Book That Takes Its Time, which Hallie bought me because I thought his copy was so neat :’) <3 I read one chapter, I think (it’s not a reading-book as much as a, like... doing-book, a contemplating-book), but then other stuff took precedence so I haven’t gotten back to it yet. Soon! I promise :p

Do you like oatmeal? If so, what kinds of things do you like in it? >> I do! I haven’t eaten it lately because I don’t eat a lot of heavy stuff in the summertime, but I love it in fall and winter. I usually just put ghee and cinnamon and honey or maple syrup in mine. Very filling, hehe.

What was going on the last time you felt nostalgic? >> I was thinking about when I lived in 7F, and like... there’s no way I would ever, ever, want to go back to living in that rundown NYCHA apartment where I slept on the living room floor along with anywhere from 1 to 4 other people (sometimes up to 6 on random nights), where I had nothing to myself and I was at the whim of the leaseholder (who could be capricious sometimes, just like us all), and where I basically spent 90% of my time intoxicated in some way just to... not fall into the black pit of despair or boredom or loneliness. I don’t. I would be perfectly happy to never see it again barring maybe a couple of visits in the future, if that’s a thing that happens. But nostalgia is patently stupid, and it tries to form unnecessary attachments to every memory, and so sometimes I’m like “damn, them were the days” and like, really, Shadow? Really? Them were NOT the days. ...But one thing I will say-- I’ve got some great stories from living in that apartment.

How much attention do you pay to the movements of the stars and planets, and do you believe they influence anything? >> I pay a moderate amount of attention... like, I could definitely stand to pay more attention, because I do find it interesting, but I just never make time for it, yanno. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to assume their influence in our lives, since we’re all star-stuff and ~cosmic relativity~ and... I don’t know. It just gels very well with my worldview (my universe-view, if you will) and I don’t see any reason to debunk it just for the sheer sake of... cynicism, or whatever gets people hard these days.

When was the last time you were afraid to tell someone something? >> I really don’t remember.

When was the last time something didn’t go the way you expected it would? >> When I went to the Love Wins thing and the Blue Bridge did NOT light up rainbow at nightfall!!!! I was mad as hell, lmao. I wanted to show Hallie.

What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? >> Hmm.... Silent Hill 4? That was a long time ago, though, so my memory of its difficulty might be skewed by exactly how bad I was at video games back then. Maybe WoW, because it’s an MMO with a lot of elements, and it took me a long time to figure out all those elements -- but once I did, it really helped me with other games, so I really enjoy how the learning curve is getting smoother and smoother with the more games I play. It’s kind of like muscle memory but also like... just pattern recognition, really.

What was the last thing you just couldn’t understand? >> Why people glorify terrible child-raising practices instead of thinking, “you know, maybe that was fucked up and maybe I shouldn’t repeat it”. I also still can’t fucking understand why Jay sent me a friend request on facebook. HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID!!!! WE ARE NOT FRIENDS

Other than this survey, what was the last question you were asked that you didn’t want to answer? >> The last question that I was asked that I didn’t want to answer.... yeah, I really don’t know??? I just have a hard time remembering this kind of thing unless there was specific reason for me to hang onto it and rehash it in my mind or whatever. idk! good survey tho. :B