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harapeveco · 3 years

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This is basically a follow up to that one post I reblogged about how Rei got home after Hitotsume stabbed the life out of him...really didn’t go into too much detail bc I feel like I shouldn’t ramble too much on reblogs, the other person shouldn’t have to deal with my nonsense also hhhh these are very stupid lmao

Also this bs very long so yeh it’s hidden oopsie

Anyway my theories and their explanations about how Rei got home that day are:

1) Qta took him home: the less probable one since Qta is like super tiny. I mentioned on the post that he probably transformed into a devil like monster and carried him home, mostly as a joke but then I started to think about it and like...Zingai transformation is posible, Noppo being the prime example of this since he has his og form and his duffel bag form. I believe this could be tied to the person’s personality tho, as we can see with Tobi saying he will protect Rei from shadow danger when in reality he’s just using him as bait to find Hitotsume, maybe that kind of a two-faced personality is what let Zingai change their appearance. It’s mentioned that Qta looks too childish and baby for a high schooler like Rei and it lowkey makes sense: Rei is kinda blunt, short tempered and prefers to ignore problems, which to me are kinda childish behaviors (not in a bad sense he’s a kid after all). Thinking of this, it means he’s still at “stage 1”; for what we know, he hasn’t gone through a situation that would make him a two-faced person. So basically Qta cannot transform himself yet, we would have to see if in the future Rei goes through something that makes him change and therefore change Qta too.

2) Rei dragged himself home: I also said this one as joke but there may be some truth to it. So basically we see him safe in his room after getting attacked by Hitotsume but we are told that the last thing he remembers was being stabby stabbed by tall ugly man, which means there’s a blank space in his memory where he somehow got home, changed clothes and went to bed. But before seeing if he was capable of going home by himself, we need to know exactly why he passed out in the first place; at first I thought it had to be something along the lines of stress since we can see him feeling anxious about people’s words when he was at school and his reactions to being able to see Zingai all of the sudden, with all this combined it would make sense for his baby brain to just be like “hey I’ve had enough of this bullshit bye” and just pass out but now that we know a little bit more stuff I would say he suffered a vanilla version of heart desolation. We are explained that if a shadow gets damage before it’s ripe the host will lose consciousness and won’t be able to wake up....Rei did lose consciousness but managed to wake up bc Qta had manifested before Hitotsume was able to snatch Rei’s heart. So yeh I believe Hitotsume was doing on chapter 2 exactly what Yuu’s Zingai was doing on chapter 10

Notice how the shadow goo trail comes from the mid area of that guy’s body, the same place where Hitotsume was stabby stabbing. Since Rei’s shadow was ripe it’s safe to assume he suffered the effects of heart desolation but to a lesser extent...if he was able to wake up just for a moment to go back home I believe he wouldn’t be completely conscious, rather in a blank state of mind or being dazed and that’s why he doesn’t remember it

3) Pattun was the one who took him home: this was the least serious of them all and only wrote it bc I thought it was just impossible for a guy who appears on two panels to just be there to save baby protagonist but hear me out bc I think I’m onto something with this one. I’ve noticed that people fail to point out that when Pattun makes his appearance, Mocchi is actually with him and not only that but...when Rei first realizes that he can see Zingai, we can see Mocchi again (well assuming it is Mocchi but yeh all my bets are on it)

So my Pattun stalking joke may have some truth to it. We see him being kinda interested? Or more like he notices something is off with Rei? Idk what the word is but considering he was hiding behind a building and looking at Rei I can assume he knew something was up and sent Mocchi to investigate. Since Mocchi cannot be see by regular people they could easily enter the school and then tell Pattun if Rei was able to see them or not and after getting that info both of them would follow him. Now the question of if they were following him, why didn’t they stop Hitotsume before he became a stabbing machine? Remember Rei basically left the school running and also went around some alleys to make sure Zingai weren’t following him so it wouldn’t be surprising if Pattun and Mocchi lost sight of him and when they found him he was already passed out. More of an add on but I would also like to point out Qta wouldn’t have been able to defeat Hitotsume by himself, like how in chapter 3 he was defeated by a shadow who was relatively smaller than Hito, I believe he would have had some help...so here’s when these two enter to fend Hitotsume off. Ofc this theory has some holes like:

1) Hito could’ve just notice Rei’s shadow was already ripe so there was no point on staying there and simply left

2) if Hitotsume is as “known” as Tobi makes him seem then I believe Pattun would think it twice about throwing hands for a kid he doesn’t know

3) I don’t think Pattun could be able to carry Rei by himself unless there’s a third party involved tho Mocchi could have been able to... I cannot imagine how people who cannot see Zingai would be able to perceive that as in would they be able to see Rei just like floating or will he become invisible upon being touched by zingai?

4) I don’t think Pattun knows where Rei lives

So yeh there are more things against this theory than in favor

4) Monitor Girl is somehow involved: didn’t mentioned this one bc it’s really too far fetched. Basically, we know how monitor girl has...well...monitors...and those monitors show cameras (for what we can see in InT) so basically she could have gotten ahold of Rei and decided to kept and eye on him. We know she knows Pattun bc of what chapter 10 tell us (it’s true we don’t how to what extent they know each other but let’s assume they are acquaintances) so maybe Pattun let her know there was a kid in the area that was suspicious or something. Maybe she was digging info about him and found his home address and told Pattun and he and Mocchi took him home. Also we can’t forget Tobi coming out of literally nowhere to save Rei...I’m convinced she told him about that too but I won’t enter too much into detail

5) None of these theories are correct and Eve and Newo won’t give us an explanation for this: I mean come on they probs wanted to show how scary Hito was and everything I said was a pointless waste of my time

#kara no kioku #long post #unnecessary but Icouldn't stop thinking about it

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 5 years

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tthhhbt thbt tbt glimmadora meta headcanon thing & languages of love thbbbbbbth

rewatching spop agaaaaiiin some things stick out

Like how Glimmer is super tactile, and Adora’s a lot more careful / guarded / stiff with how she touches people

Glimmer does hugs, hand holds, lots of casual touching, getting so close faces smoosh together. She kisses her mom on the cheek in public and literally leaps on Adora while the whole throne room is watching. Her mom, aunt, and Bow are all kinda like this so it makes sense Glimmer’d be very hands on in her affection too

Adora? She lets people hug her but mostly just stands there while it happens (with ONE exception~), she does the casual arm-slung around neck, she does maybe a shoulder pat. Even in Theymore she held onto Catra’s wrist instead of her hand. She probably hasn’t held hands properly with anyone since she was a kid

Super Scientific Conclusion: When it comes to giving or getting comfort, Glimmer is touch and words of affirmation, Adora is quality time and acts of service

ok what does that mean. well it means that-

When Bow wants to cheer Glimmer up he squishes her cheeks and reminds her she’s amazing and he believes her. And it works. Later how does Glimmer try to calm down Adora after she left the Horde? By putting her hands on Adora’s shoulders and telling her it’ll be okay

That’s how Glimmer knows to get and give affection, with a touch and some reassuring words.

She does it again with Adora in ep 3, in bed and later in Plumaria- but Plumaria showed how uncertain and scared Adora really was despite all of that. She felt out of place, wrong, and Glimmer’s touches and words weren’t enough to change that

And this is just a wishful head canon, still, I like to think Glimmer realized that by the end of ep 4

Because at the end of the episode she does something different

We know, from seeing how Adora cheers up Catra in ep 1 and the flashback when they were kids, we know Adora’s way of showing affection is to spend time with someone and to do things for / with them

Borrowing a skiff so she could take Catra for a ride on it. Going out of her way to piss off someone (Octavia) bigger and older than them after Catra got hurt in a scuffle with them...

Glimmer never saw any other that

But she did wake up to Adora curled up at the foot of her bed, after Adora’s run in with Glimmer’s very intimidating mom. She did see Adora get on the exact wrong side of Angella, then stand up to her anyway to help Glimmer get the mission to Plumaria. She’s seen Adora stand stiff as a board whenever hugged and how she never (in the beginning) leans in or reaches out when she’s clearly worried. She more likely to walk off and brood, or pull inward

So after Plumaria, when they get back to Bright Moon, what does Glimmer do?

She gets Adora a bed she’s comfortable with- she sets up a sleepover so Adora won’t be alone- She uses Adora’s way of showing affection to make Adora feel better

Acts and quality time. She comforts Adora in a way Adora understands.

It works. Adora flops over blissfully onto her hard flat bed and ends the episode laughing as the BFS have a pillow fight

In the ep 5 Glimmer is the one who is stressed and needs comfort

What’s fun is how Bow kicks back and has fun fanboying over sailors and Seahawk, while Adora is the one taking action whenever something starts frustrating Glimmer

Glimmer goes to Seaworthy to find a ship + captain? Bow enjoys the sights, Adora takes the tavern visit v e r y seriously and is clearly sizing up everyone in it

Glimmer tries to get Seahawk to take them to Salineas and Seahawk is Seahawk? Bow squees. Adora scowls

Glimmer’s bargaining attempt fails? Bow watches. Adora wins Glimmer a ship and captain via arm wrestling (which Glimmer cannot believe worked. this is the ep where poor glimmer is the lone brain cell for once and she’s Not Enjoying It)

Seahawk annoying Glimmer on the trip- Adora beats him in arm wrestling again. Sea monster blocks their path- Adora goes She-Ra on it’s tail and gets rid of it in a flash. Glimmer needs a way to get Mermista on their side and asks if Adora can fix the Sea Gate- Adora barely can even read the instruction manual and did NOT have a good experience last time she tried fixing something magical, but is 100% ready to try again anyway

She doesn’t go about it in the perfect way, but Adora spends the whole trip trying to help Glimmer

See, I think Bow picked up on something in ep 4 when Adora spoke up for Glimmer. I think he had an ah-ha moment, and after years of being the only person Glimmer had that was completely on her side no matter what, he saw that maybe that didn’t have to be true anymore

Maybe Glimmer could have two supporters- him, AND Adora. For the rest of season 1 it feels like Bow is stepping back a little and letting Adora step in when Glimmer needs a boost

Of course Adora doesn’t do support the way Bow and Glimmer do

So even though she is there for Glimmer in ep 5, just like before when it was Glimmer trying help her in ep 4, it doesn’t sink in because it’s not happening the way Glimmer is used to. It’s a miss. Which, again, I think Adora noticed

I think she noticed because in ep 6 there is a blink and you’ll miss it moment

Tiny. Teeny. Buuut it is animated so i’ll efing take it

Ep 6 starts out carefree (well, maybe not for Bow) Glimmer has had two successful missions and Adora doesn’t have to worry about She-Ra stuff because Dryl has no runestone. Both of them are playing around, teasing Bow, having fun and enjoying the perks of She-Ra for once

(side note: it’s cuuuute how Adora is showing off, plainly just for Glimmer bc Bow is busy going nooo, and Glimmer is so totally into it <3)

Then things get tense. There’s a second, a moment, when Glimmer is standing next to She-Ra and they’re both like uh-oh as Entrapta’s castle fills with Ominous Noises, and then Adora just… reaches out.

she puts her hand on Glimmer’s shoulder. Just for a moment

They were already standing and no one was staggering, so it’s not as if Adora was steadying herself or Glimmer. It looks like she just made contact?

Like she was going, Yes Glimmer is there. Hey Glimmer don’t worry I’m right here too

And that stands out because Adora really doesn’t DO touching (other than the casual arm over shoulder thing). But she did it there. After an episode of not managing to make Glimmer feel supported, she does something more like what Glimmer would do for her

Yes I AM digging too much into this I’ve watched this season dozens of times ok I’m allowed

Anyway, throughout the rest of ep 6 Glimmer is the one who scared and needs comfort again, but Adora’s on cloud nine for most of it. So when Glimmer holds Adora, cradles her, smooshes their faces together and hugs her, she’s mainly doing it for herself

Adora isn’t stressed. Snuggling Adora might not work even if Adora needed comfort- But it works for Glimmer and she really needs it right then

Later when Adora is back to normal she DOES have a moment of worry, and what does Glimmer do? A hug? Tell her it’ll be okay? Bow does that, and Adora smiles like she did when Glimmer did it in ep 4.

Glimmer knows better now, though. So as soon as she can she finds something to distract Adora, something Adora can do well and have fun with (smash moar rocks!!), and then she gleefully joins in

She uses Adora’s love language again. Spending time with her, doing something for and with her. Doing something together

And as Bow watches his two reckless idiot friends run off together, first he go -_- but then he can’t help :)

He went from Glimmer’s First And Only Friend to Guys Please Don’t Die because now Glimmer has both him AND Adora to support her

Ep 7 ..... sad. And also sweet

A bad night’s sleep leaves Glimmer groggy and short tempered and too busy waking up to notice stuff

There was something like this in the very start of ep 4 too, Glimmer tired and rushing to go to bed, flying through Adora’s tour of her new room and laughing when Adora asks if the decorative waterfall is for washing in. It wasn’t a joke and Glimmer also doesn’t see how nervous Adora is to be left alone

Second Super Scientific Conclusion: Glimmer needs her sleep

Re: ep 7 as a groggy Glimmer teases Adora about being kept awake by woodland creatures.

But then Adora looks away from her and…. There’s a pause, and then you can just see Glimmer go Oh No. The click moment of wait something is really wrong

She tries reaching out, on instinct, like she’s used to. It only ends up freaking Adora out again

Groggy Glimmer instinctively tries reassuring Adora with words, thinking it’s the whole hacked She-Ra thing that’s stressing Adora because most of Adora’s stress so fair has come from She-Ra and Glimmer knows how it feels to have and important job you’re not perfect at

Glimmer knows Adora isn’t super physical. She can’t help touching Adora’s arm though, she doesn’t want to spook her, but she also doesn’t know what else to do

So she decides in a flash (Bow’s reaction shows this wasn’t planned or discussed before) that they need to go to Mystacor! STAT!!!

Why? Because Adora needs a vacation. And Glimmer does not hesitate a second to give her one, a nice relaxing thing for all of them to do together. Exactly the kind of thing that DOES help Adora feel better

That’s Glimmer whole reason for going to Mystacor, figuring out what will help Adora

Pretty sure Glimmer spent most of that time tense because she does do several small touches with Adora even though by now she knows those won’t really work. Like in ep 6, I think they were less to reassure Adora and more mainly to help Glimmer deal with her own worry over Adora

The steam grotto scene was the moment when both of them f i n a l l y got to relax

It also showed that while Adora isn’t used to the whole physical affection thing, she does seem to like- it once she feels Safe

How she starts out hesitate as Glimmer leads her into the water and helps her ease slowly down, how she glances from there hands to Glimmer, then leans back with her and smiles

How she wakes up still smiling, look down at Glimmer snuggling against her chest and just settles back ready to bliss out again

darn sweet. SO earned

She’s not just letting the contact happen. She’s enjoying it

So later when Adora thinks Glimmer is pissed at her (eff u shadow weaver) she tries to reach out. She tries to do what Glimmer always does, she tries to connect in Glimmer’s style, the one she’s beginning to get comfortable with

……. Aaaaaand the stupid not-Glimmer shoots her down. Feh

At the end of the ep Adora tries again but doesn’t complete the motion

Glimmer, the REAL Glimmer, is there when she wakes up from a nightmare, strokes Adora’s hair and reassures her she’s right here. And Adora’s hand does this little move likes she wants to reach out again. But, she doesn’t

It IS nice though, how she settles down right away. I love how S1 Adora can sleep so easily as long as she has Glimmer there with her

8 is the prom and here the thing with Bow’s new role pops back up

Glimmer assumed he’d go with her and Adora. ‘m pretty sure he would have gone with Glimmer, Perfuma or no Perfuma, if Adora wasn’t there

BUT Adora is, Bow isn’t the only one propping up Glimmer anymore, he felt safe enough to go do his own thing for a bit

It was a big change. A big unhealed of Glimmer’s world and everything she’s been counting on. I think Bow was counting on Adora to be there and help Glimmer come to terms with the change

And Adora was. Kinda. She was trying

She was also a fish out of water and made a mess of meeting Frosta, which she could tell didn’t help Glimmer reform the Alliance plan, and so Adora spent part of the first half of the ep doing her best to patch things up with the pre-teen ruler

But when she wasn’t doing that she was steering Glimmer over to their friends (quality time), not just leading Glimmer over but actually doing the touch thing

Even so she was making the same panicky mistake as Glimmer- Doing what would make HER happy instead of figuring out what would work for Glimmer. When Glimmer acts happy for Bow and Perfuma, Adora smiles and wanders off, cheer-up mission accomplished!

Adora’s not… really very good at getting into other people’s heads. At all.

(could say the only thing straight about her is her hair and her way of thinking)

BUT! BUT!!!!!

She does seek out Glimmer

When her plan to make help out by winning over Frosta fails, she goes back to Glimmer

After three successes in a row Glimmer has relaxed into the whole princess alliance thing and Frosta joining or not joining immediately is not anywhere on the same level as the crisis of her and Bow- Bow her first and for a VERY long time ONLY friend, who is busy hanging out with his other new friends…. without her

Glimmer grew up pretty isolated in some ways. She had her mom (tense), her aunt (smother), and Bow, the only one she was sure liked her for who she was and trusted her to not be a complete screw up

Adora on the other hand, Adora grew up popular

She had a whole squad full of friends and everyone said she was the best of them all. They cheered her on when she did good, had her back during training- Lonnie especially, who might have hated Catra in part because she got some special treatment from Adora (and knew how to leverage it). Maybe because Adora wasn’t a jerk even though being Shadow Weaver’s favorite would have given her plenty of power to be one, maybe that cut down on any resentment the others might have had for her

Point is, even though Catra was special for Adora back in the Fright Zone, she wouldn’t have been alone if Catra left to hang out with someone else. And Catra wasn’t Bow- Catra was always doing her own thing anyway, sometimes without Adora, grabbing any scrap of independence she could, but always coming back again when she was ready

That’s the kind of dynamic Adora is used to. So she can’t quite get why Glimmer is so worried about Bow

Bow’s not abandoning Glimmer, he’s just doing his own thing for a bit. And now with the princess alliance Glimmer has her own ‘squad’. Why is Glimmer still stressed?

Adora doesn’t get it. So what does she do?

She stays and listens as Glimmer explains it to her

And then she does the thing Glimmer’s been doing, she comforts Glimmer the way GLIMMER would want to be comforted. A soft touch, words reassuring her that everything will be okay-

-cue interruption-

If the whole Catra bombing prom thing hadn’t happened I’m pretty sure Adora would have gotten through to Glimmer

Glimmer would have realized what Bow already knew- That Adora is here for her too now- They would have danced, maybe during the dance Bow and Glimmer would make up, and back-to-normal Glimmer would’ve gotten Frosta into the Alliance before the night was over

But I guess the plot had to happen so *shrug*

For the last few episodes we see Adora regress a bit in terms of the whole physical intimacy thing

Probably thanks to everything that happened at prom and later in the fright zone and LATER with Light Hope making her feel like she hurts everyone around her (Thank You For That Light Hope How Very Helpful)

We do get one nice thing though

Remember how Adora doesn’t do hugs very much?

Well, guess what she does right after choosing her friends over Light Hope? After coming there to try to heal Glimmer, spending half Light Hope’s talk interrupting Big Destiny Monologues with a “Hah, yeah! But what about GLIMMER”

Glimmer hugs her, relieved that she’s woken up for the second time after having her mind magically messed with-

and Adora hugs her back

Aww~

#spop #glimmadora #glimadora #glimmer #adora #fluff #meta #meta analysis #blarg blarg when will i stop rewatching thissss

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theghostisametaphor · 4 years

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Finally started watching the Untamed a day ago bc life is super stressful right now and I need something to distract me, and got through the first nine episodes. here is bullet list of random thoughts bc i’m tired and not super coherent.

can confirm that Lan Wangji is the Most Autistic, holy shit.

when WW is like ‘let’s go over there into that bunch of people and see what’s going on!’ and he goes stiff and says ‘it’s too crowded’ i felt that

relatable, buddy

i now know where the rabbits come from. the ones that i kept hearing about. knowing where they come from actually makes it more confusing, because how did ghost lady who lived in an ice cave even find rabbits? but i’m glad that we have rabbits now. they’re cute.

i am very proud of WW for causing the teacher of Magic School to throw things at him twice because he said ‘necromancy: no seriously why don’t we give it a try it might be pretty cool’.

that dude who was supposed to marry Jiang Yanli, what is up with him? why is he so awkward? why is he always stalking around staring at her in an agonized and socially inappropriate manner? why doesn’t he want to get married to her? that might make his daily program of staring at her while refusing to actually say anything to her more convenient. why does she even want to marry him? i don’t know but he’s sort of annoying.

i love nie huiasang and his weird little face and also the way he moves and also his fans. i need more fans in my life.

i’ve been half-spoiled for - a lot of things? in that i know that a bunch of bad stuff happens but not exactly how or why. which is a kind of odd place to be in, but i am glad that seeing a lot of gifsets is enabling me to keep most of the characters’ names straight even if i do still have to look up the spelling half the time.

all due respect to WW and LW and the way they vibrate around each other. i love them a lot. but that 10-second scene between Lan Xichen and Meng Yao during the whole present-giving sequence was the gayest thing i have seen on this show so far. the hand brush. the smiles. i was fanning myself.

i cannot take Discount Fire Lord Ozai seriously because every time he shows up on his stupid throne he has his hair dramatically blowing back and i have to assume he’s sitting in front of a giant fan to get that effect.

i may have a slight crush on Lan Xichen myself. which is fine and normal! he is very nice and has a nice smile! and a soothing presence. and exudes a general sense that somewhere summer and sunshine and nice things are happening and that everything is going to be ok.

i thought i would have a harder time liking Jiang Cheng, but! he’s so full of anxiety and stressing over doing things Right all the time, and also cares about people but doesn’t know how to show affection, and is also scared of people leaving him because he’s not good enough, so. obviously i have to like him.

I’m kinda into the chemistry between him and Wen Qing.

am super excited for seeing more Xue Yang, bc i’m pretty sure i’m going to have feelings about him, and so far he’s only had 2 tiny scenes.

long sleeves are very sexy, and this show is making me remember that.

#under readmore because i ramble #a voice echoing from a sewer #the untamed #jamie watches the untamed

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midnightzephyr · 4 years

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like all weekends, my best friends and i would always go out and spend nights in a place located somewhere we all don’t know. a place that is distant from where we stayed in. somewhere vacant, with nothing but the ground and the sky, and the stars and the galaxy.

that one night was tiny bit different. apart from the guys brought girls along, and i wasn’t one of them. i was sort of lonely, even though i had the other guys with me. it just felt wrong somehow. it felt as if i should have brought my own girlfriend, a person whom i could snuggle and hug and pepper kisses all over without being judged.. but melancholically, i don’t even have a girlfriend. girls just didn’t want me more than just a friend. or maybe my standards are just too high.. i don’t know.

three of the guys had their girlfriends glued to their sides with arms wrapped around their waists, and the leader of the whole group brought his little sister. the thing that wasn’t magnificent was that the group of girls tagged along another one, another best friend to complete the whole squad of five. she wasn’t dating any of the single members, and it just so happens that i’ve always been in love with her.

basically the seven of us guys and the five girls, rode two vans driven by the ones we all trusted the most. i would have got into the truck we guys took on our way to meet the girls, but it ended up in a jumbled mess. the girlfriends sat with their boyfriends, and the leader’s little sister was elsewhere. i was startled when there were no seats left in that van, but i guess it was for the good.

i sighed and hung my head low as i trudged my way to the other vehicle, feeling worn out even before the trip even started. i kicked the air, honestly i didn’t even have a clue why i was so upset. it wasn’t the end of the world, i know.. but i just really didn’t feel like i was in the spirit to have fun. not at that time.

i reached the other van, it was placed merely ten feet from the other one, but it sure felt as if i walked ten miles. i grabbed the door and pulled it open, scanning around the vehicle for the best seat. i had multiple choices, there were a lot of empty seats in this van. i kept on glancing at the empty seats, i couldn’t make up my mind until..

“can’t you hurry up?“ james snorted and started the engine.

i wasn’t always the one who gets surprised the most, but his voice was so strangely loud i felt like my heart dropped. i got into the van and before i could even place my bum properly on a seat, he drove off in the speed of 100 km/h. who even drives that fast when you just started getting on the road?

i crashed onto an empty seat, but unlucky me, half of my body was pressed against someone. the upper half of my body pressured on the person beside me. she jumped in surprise, and i swore to myself i could have gotten my dick cut off if this girl was anyone’s girlfriend.

the movements in the van were inhumanly insane and i kept on hitting against the window, and to her. i couldn’t even sit up straight, not until the car slowed down on the highway to track down the other vehicle. that freak.. what was he thinking? did he want us all to die?

i finally got the chance to sit up and straighten myself. i brushed my hair off my forehead in annoyance and grunted in slight moodiness. i was mad, but crashing in the seat beside the window was a great thing. i held the sill before sliding the windoe open. the midnight breeze felt amazing, and the scent of the grass filled my nostrils. it was beautiful, the moon shone brightly and i’ve never thought it could be that ethereal. it was.. amazing. and it felt so close to me that i could just touch it, and feel it with the tips of my fingers.

but then i felt soft eyes pierce my head behind me. that’s when i realize that i should apologize to her, to the person i caused so much pain just because i couldn’t get a grip of myself.

i closed my eyes as i turned my head, praying to god she wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend or sister. but i prayed harder hoping that girl wasn’t her.. wasn’t the one that has a hobby of making my heart race. that would be so embarrassing.. ah i’m already blushing at the thought of her face.

i opened my eyes, and the first thing i saw were her irises. her dark eyes, reflecting the moonlight beautifully. i could see myself mirrored in her orbs, and no one can deny that she is the most beautiful creature god has ever created.

she was looking at the moon too, like what i was doing. it was rather stupid of me to think that she actually was looking at me, but when i stared in her eyes unintentionally, her pupils moved and focused on me. her head tilted slightly so it was aligned parallel with mine. our lips were far apart, but i was nervous as if she was close enough to kiss.

i attempted to apologize for the chaos, but my words choked me and i had trouble breathing for a split second. she got worried, her hands flew upwards and held me by the sides of my face. i didn’t know what she was trying to do, but all i knew is that the person i love is holding me tenderly, looking at me in the eyes with worrisome. i cannot not love her, she’s the greatest.

she asked me if i was okay, and i, unaware of what i was doing, remained still and stared at her. she repeated her voice, and finally i snapped back to reality. i nodded and gulped in the piling saliva in my throat before sitting myself back on the seat like any sane person would. this sure is going to be a long trip.

she giggled, and god i hope nobody had any superpowers that could read minds and hearts bcs i swore my heart skipped a beat. her laugh.. oh her gentle voice. i was so weak, and defeated. i was so in love i could honestly drown in a pool of her voice.

i stammered an apology. it was so hard to even say anything, ah i was a mess. i could feel it in my bones.

she pulled her hand and draped it on her thigh, intertwining with her other hand and squeezing them together. she replied saying it was okay. i knew it was not. at least i thought it was not. my heavyweight body pressed on her and crashed on her so suddenly, i was sure she was culture shocked by it.

i tried to maintain a relaxed posture and an empty mind, i tried my best to not tilt my head to my right and stare at her unknowingly. it was hard, and i was just so pressured by it but i knew i had to it in order for me to not seem like somekind of freakish stalker.

i stared outside the window, my eyes roamed across the empty road. the flowers were colourful even though it was dark. the moonlight reflected beautifully against the surface of the sea. the waves hit the shore rhythmically, and the smell of the cold midnight breeze was amazing. i couldn’t wait to get out of the van and lay on the sand. i missed nature, i missed being able to love and think about it freely. it had been a week, and it was torturous for me to be hooked up in the studios. but my stresses were getting lifted, my shoulders were coming to an ease and i can finally smile a distressed smile.

the sight was as beautiful as her. i still remember the first time i have ever encountered her beautiful smile. it was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, it also felt as if all my sins were washed away. she was that beautiful. the instant my eyes landed on her, i was loss for words. i choked on my drink when she first started a conversation, it was embarrassing and she laughed at me. but i knew that she knew she was beautiful.

it all started on that one day. daniel wanted to go to a coffee shop that morning to have a fun talk with his little sister since she was busy with her college life and he was busy in the studio. at that time i woke up to pee, but the water was so insanely cold i couldn’t fall asleep because my goosebumps were so high up it nearly touched the sky. he invited me along, and i supposed why not. i needed something to warm me up, and coffee should do the trick.

i bought espresso for myself, and daniel bought his own drink with a bagel. we sat down on a table of four, sitting side by side because he wanted her sister to seat opposite him. i didn’t care, i mean i was just there for coffee anyways.

it took her a couple of minutes to arrive, and daniel stood up to squeeze her in a hug. i was staring outside the window, until she greeted me and told me to get up. i was lazy, she knew how i was anyways so i was rather annoyed that she wanted me to stand up. however my instincts tingled saying to just get up, so i did it anyways.

she grabbed me by the elbow and dragged it in front of someone. she wore a pinkish peach cardigan, with a white shirt and white jeans. daniel’s little sister said my name, and another name. and i didn’t notice she was introducing us to each other until she grabbed my hand. all i knew was that her eyes are pretty, and her smile is too.

she grabbed my hand rather gently, and shook it a couple of times. her skin was so soft, and i didn’t have a clue anyone’s skin could feel that feather-like. it was as if she touched the clouds, and the essence of it seeped through her tissues. although logically i’ve never held a cloud in my life, but i know they are soft. the gases combined made it look like cotton, gentle cotton. and i wouldn’t need to wish to touch the clouds, all i need was to wish i could hold her hands.

i sat down and scooted to the window, giving space for my great friend to sit. she sat in front of me, her hands were grasping each other against the table. she had a couple of bracelets on, and the scent of her captivated my smell buds. i could barely smell the scent of the espresso anymore even if i place the lip of the cup against my philtrum. the smell of roses and jasmines, god.. she drove me insane.

she started a conversation, and she asked me the things no one has ever asked. she wanted to know about what my opinion on flowers, and what were my favourites. i didn’t know what to say, since it was a rare question and particularly i didn’t have a huge admiration for flowers. i didn’t want to say the truth of my not liking it, since she seemed so in love with plants and i just couldn’t cope with seeing her smile fade. so i ended up saying i liked it, and flowers are my escape even though honestly that will never be true.

she grew eager to know about my favourite plant was. i was reluctant in answering, i was afraid that flower didn’t even exist. i told her my favourite was.. what is it called? uh.. it starts with a c, and ended with a sis.. the name was so scientific, i was sure i just blurted that name because i couldn’t think. but then she said the flower suits me. she said coreopsis held the meaning of always cheerful, and that’s what i am.

ah.. that’s the name. coreopsis. i guess she mentioned the non-scientific name, but i forgot. i think it’s called thickseed? yeah, something like that.

she told me her favourite ones were mostly white. i forgot their names, but they held sincere and pleasant meanings. truthfully i didn’t know what she meant about the meanings of these plants, or whether she goes to classes or writes a dictionary about it. she seemed to know it all, and as she spoke her knowledge, i fell in love deeper and deeper.

the only thing i remembered was that she said someday she wants someone to send her a bouquet of baby breaths, nothing much, just that. she told me it meant everlasting love, and she told that it would be beautiful to have someone as thoughtful as that in life.

day by day, we talked more. she knew me by heart and in the end she got to know that flowers weren’t my actual escape. but she wasn’t furious, she was rather delighted. she wanted to tell me more about plants, and the beauty behind the language of flowers, as long as i was willing to listen. it was her anyways, i couldn’t resist. of course i was willing to listen and pay attention. her voice was as sweet as honey, and i could get diabetes if honey could bring diseases.

i grew more in love with her, and somehow a couple of months, or years maybe, we parted. she went abroad, to continue studying language and graduating in england. she changed her number, she didn’t contact me anymore. i would have asked daniel’s sister, but i was afraid if it turns out that she was done with me. i was afraid she didn’t want me to know more about flowers, and literature. so i avoided. but until this day, this exact second, the moment she’s sitting beside me again.. i still loved her the same. perhaps even more than before. she was right there by my side in the tight area inside the van.

the loud noises from the others in the van muted down as they all drifted to sleep. i, wasn’t even a glimpse tired. my eyes were wide open and my brain was fully functioning. i was sure the only ones awake were me and james. she was lightly snoring beside me, and i didn’t even have to glance at her face to know she still looks drop dead gorgeous even with saliva drooling down her chin.

the vehicle came to a stop, and the other van parked right beside ours. i looked outside the window, and adam was there grinning and raising his eyebrows. that jerk couldn’t be even more stupid, i was already embarrassed having to sit beside my beautiful girl the whole ride, and here he was poking me over the edge of a cliff. my cheeks were burning, it felt as if i was a volcano that was about to blast.

everyone woke up just before we stopped, so it didn’t require me cooing her name and shaking her gently to make her eyelids flutter open.

we got down and took our bags. i didn’t know where mine was since i wasn’t the one loading them. i went to the boot of the van i rode, but there were only tents and hammocks. who even brought that? there weren’t even trees here.

eventually i got my hands on my bag and helped them carry the tents and food. the guys built the tents and campfire while the girls gathered the food. i don’t have a clue what time it was, but i knew it was late enough for the temperature to drop low. it was freezing, and she couldn’t handle the cold. i knew it, i always caught her shivering.

the girls cooked and served, and we ate in our sleeping bags because it was too cold. it was really cold.. i had two jackets on and i still shuddered as the temperature hit my bones. i glanced at her, her small hands were pale and she held her meal in shaking hands. i just wanted to pull her tight in a hug, but she was stones away from me. ugh.

i tried my very best not to stare at her and instead join the conversation they all were having. but i couldn’t help it. sure, i was a laughing dumbass through the night, but i constantly caught myself glancing at her to take a glimpse of her beauty. why am i like that honestly?

after finishing our food and cleaning up, everyone took place and laid down in their sleeping bags. we all watched the sky, staring at the constellations and making out possible shapes. like there was one that looked like a horse one of our friends pointed out, and i spotted a combination of stars that looked like lily’s small hands.

slowly, each and one of them fell asleep. i was the last one, even though i didn’t get any sleep in the van but again.. i wasn’t even a glimpse tired. i smiled to myself, i was glad i could finally lay under the blanket of stars again. it’s great, i really felt alive at that time.

i glanced to my left and saw caitlin curled up in a ball beside adam. they always did that unknowingly, and when the guys and i told them how they sleep together, they protest. if only i could take a picture and prove it to them.. but i was too lazy to get my phone. it was in our bags inside the tents and i was already comfortable in my sleeping bag. guess i just really couldn’t care to bother.

i tilted my head to my right, and i saw her. my girl. well okay.. the girl i wished i could call mine. she was hugging her knees, and was leaning in my way. i don’t know how i could not notice that.. how in the world could i not even notice her body being inches away from leaning against mine? i didn’t even know she was laying down beside me.. what the fuck was wrong with me?

her eyes were closed and her lips were apart. her nose was slightly red, and so did her cheeks. she was cold and freezing. she was asleep, i knew that she was already in deep depths of her dreams, so i didn’t hesitate to turn my body and face her.

i laid on my side, my right arm folded and tucked under my head while my left arm hung low on my waist. i admired her beauty, i was falling in love with her all over again. she was different, she was definitely not like any other girl. she looked fragile, and delicate, like a flower petal of her favourite.

something struck into me and for some reason my left arm rose and my fingers danced against her cold lips. the strains of hair covered her face weren’t a bother to me because every inch of her was beautiful. there was no such thing as beauty covering beauty right?

my thumb rubbed against her cheek, and my index finger traced down the bridge of her nose. i could just touch her like this until the next life comes. i can just run my fingers through her until they get numb because i would never get tired.

she shuddered in cold, and without me realizing, i scooted closer to her. i don’t know if my eyes played tricks or they were being real, but her lips curved in a small smile. it was as if she felt the warmth in my body, even though i was cold myself but at least i could share my last drips of heat in me with the girl i loved the most.

i got closer, and she leaned nearer. her cute figure came closer to me and almost instantly, my arm pulled her tightly in an embrace. her face tucked in the spance under my cheek, and i could feel her breathing against the skin of my neck. she laid herself cozily there, and her fingers grasped the patch of clothing near the left side of my chest. i was sure she could feel my heartbeat, and i was sure she was smiling at how nervous i was.

she puffed out a small smile, and it was as if she was trying to tell me to relax. i reconsidered the thought of her actually sleeping.. maybe she was awake the whole time and noticed the way i stared at her sleeping and touching every structure of her face. i was doomed.

after some minutes and i was sure that my heart rate was reaching a normal pace, i tried closing my eyes. but still, i couldn’t drift off to sleep. she was in my arms, snuggled tightly and i was holding her tenderly. her fingers grasped my shirt and my fingers were tracing shapes against her back. it was surreal, i just wanted to yell and scream and shout and tell everyone about this.

i smiled and opened my eyes. i stared at her instead since i couldn’t get a slice of sleep. i didn’t want to miss an opportunity to look at her like this again. this was just a once in a lifetime experience.. i can’t lose it.

her small voice cracked but her eyes were shut. i wasn’t aware if she was conscious or just sleep talking, but somehow i wished she was awake still. i wanted her words to be true. i wanted her to say it again and again and kill me again and again. i wanted to hug her closer and kiss her lips and feel her hands on me because that would be the only thing that need to complete my whole life.

as she spoke her words, my grip around her tightened. i leaned my cheek against the crown of her head and my muscles under my flesh moved as i smiled.

“under the skies and above the grounds, i will always be yours,” she whispered delicately.

—

#fiction

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heliosfinance · 7 years

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Small Circles: The Theory of Mastery in the Art of Learning and Investing

One of the best books on the art of learning I’ve read is, well, The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin.

Josh is a champion in two distinct sports – chess and martial arts. He is an eight-time US national chess champion, thirteen-time Tai Chi Chuan push hands national champion, and two-time Tai Chi Chuan push hands world champion.

In his book, Josh recounts his experiences and shares his insights and approaches on how you can learn and excel in your own life’s passion, using examples from his personal life. Through stories of martial arts wars and tense chess face-offs, Josh reveals the inner workings of his everyday methods, cultivating the most powerful techniques in any field, and mastering the psychology of peak performance.

One of my favourite chapters from Josh’s book is titled – Making Smaller Circles – which stresses on the fact that it’s rarely a mysterious technique that drives us to the top, but rather a profound mastery of what may well be a basic skillset.

Josh starts this chapter with the story of the protagonist in Robert Pirsig’s book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. This man is Phaedrus, a teacher, who in this particular scene is reaching out to his student who is all jammed up when given the assignment to write a five-hundred-word story about her town, Bozeman.

Here is that scene straight from Pirsig’s book –

…a girl with strong-lensed glasses, wanted to write a five-hundred-word essay about the United States. He … suggested without disparagement that she narrow it down to just Bozeman.

When the paper came due she didn’t have it and was quite upset. She had tried and tried but she just couldn’t think of anything to say. He had already discussed her with her previous instructors and they’d confirmed his impressions of her. She was very serious, disciplined and hardworking, but extremely dull. Not a spark of creativity in her anywhere. Her eyes, behind the thick-lensed glasses, were the eyes of a drudge. She wasn’t bluffing him, she really couldn’t think of anything to say, and was upset by her inability to do as she was told.

It just stumped him. Now he couldn’t think of anything to say. A silence occurred, and then a peculiar answer: “Narrow it down to the main street of Bozeman.” It was a stroke of insight.

She nodded dutifully and went out. But just before her next class she came back in real distress, tears this time, distress that had obviously been there for a long time. She still couldn’t think of anything to say, and couldn’t understand why, if she couldn’t think of anything about all of Bozeman, she should be able to think of something about just one street.

He was furious. “You’re not looking!” he said. A memory came back of his own dismissal from the University for having too much to say. For every fact there is an infinity of hypotheses. The more you look the more you see. She really wasn’t looking and yet somehow didn’t understand this.

He told her angrily, “Narrow it down to the front of one building on the main street of Bozeman. The Opera House. Start with the upper left-hand brick.”

Her eyes, behind the thick-lensed glasses, opened wide.

She came in the next class with a puzzled look and handed him a five-thousand-word essay on the front of the Opera House on the main street of Bozeman, Montana.

“I sat in the hamburger stand across the street,” she said, “and started writing about the first brick, and the second brick, and then by the third brick it all started to come and I couldn’t stop. They thought I was crazy, and they kept kidding me, but here it all is. I don’t understand it.”

The key lesson from this scene, as Josh writes in his book, is that depth scores over breadth when it comes to learning anything. As he writes (emphasis is mine) –

The learning principle is to plunge into the detailed mystery of the micro in order to understand what makes the macro tick. Our obstacle is that we live in an attention-deficit culture. We are bombarded with more and more information on television, radio, cell phones, video games, the Internet. The constant supply of stimulus has the potential to turn us into addicts, always hungering for something new and prefabricated to keep us entertained. When nothing exciting is going on, we might get bored, distracted, separated from the moment. So we look for new entertainment, surf channels, flip through magazines.

If caught in these rhythms, we are like tiny current-bound surface fish, floating along a two-dimensional world without any sense for the gorgeous abyss below.

When these societally induced tendencies translate into the learning process, they have devastating effect.

Josh’s idea of making smaller circles is a great way to decide how to live, what to read, and how to invest sensibly.

Making Smaller Circles – Reading Take reading for instance. With so much literature around, and so much getting published day after day, it often gets challenging for most of us to decide on what to read. The breadth of what is to be read is huge, and is just getting bigger by the day.

Given this, as Josh writes, we have become like the “tiny current-bound surface fish, floating along a two-dimensional world without any sense for the gorgeous abyss below.”

The way out of this is to differentiate between reading that is enduring (durable – learning that has lasted a lifetime) and one that is ephemeral (fleeting – mostly information), like I’ve done in this chart below…

[Click here to open a larger image] …and then focus on stuff that is enduring. That’s choosing depth over breadth. That’s making smaller circles. And that’s exactly what I have been doing since the start of 2017 i.e., focusing 90% of my reading time on re-reading the super-texts (depth) and only 10% on others (breadth).

Here, I also take lessons from Seneca, a Roman Stoic philosopher who lived during 4 BC – AD 65. During the last two years of his life, Seneca spent his time in travelling, composing essays on natural history and in correspondence with his friend Lucilius. In these letters, 124 of which are available, he covered a wide variety of topics, including true and false friendship, sharing knowledge, old age, retirement, and death.

Coming to the topic of this post, here is what Seneca wrote in his second letter to Lucilius – On Discursiveness in Reading – which I am posting as it is here, and which contains the answer to the dilemma most of us face on what to read as investors (by the way, ‘discursiveness’ means moving from topic to topic without order) –

The primary indication, to my thinking, of a well-ordered mind is a man’s ability to remain in one place and linger in his own company.

Be careful, however, lest this reading of many authors and books of every sort may tend to make you discursive and unsteady. You must linger among a limited number of master thinkers, and digest their works, if you would derive ideas which shall win firm hold in your mind. Everywhere means nowhere.

When a person spends all his time in foreign travel, he ends by having many acquaintances, but no friends. And the same thing must hold true of men who seek intimate acquaintance with no single author, but visit them all in a hasty and hurried manner.

Food does no good and is not assimilated into the body if it leaves the stomach as soon as it is eaten; nothing hinders a cure so much as frequent change of medicine; no wound will heal when one salve is tried after another; a plant which is often moved can never grow strong. There is nothing so efficacious that it can be helpful while it is being shifted about. And in reading of many books is distraction.

Accordingly, since you cannot read all the books which you may possess, it is enough to possess only as many books as you can read.

“But,” you reply, “I wish to dip first into one book and then into another.” I tell you that it is the sign of an overnice appetite to toy with many dishes; for when they are manifold and varied, they cloy but do not nourish. So you should always read standard authors; and when you crave a change, fall back upon those whom you read before. Each day acquire something that will fortify you against poverty, against death, indeed against other misfortunes as well; and after you have run over many thoughts, select one to be thoroughly digested that day.

This is my own custom; from the many things which I have read, I claim some one part for myself.

Now, as I was reading Seneca’s letter, I was reminded of what Sherlock Holmes told his accomplice Watson in A Study in Scarlet –

I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it.

Holmes added…

Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. he will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.

As years have passed, I have turned from trying my hands at speed reading – acting like Holmes’ fool who takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across – to slow, thoughtful reading and re-reading.

I do not read more than 1-2 books a month now, and that I find is a gradual enough pace that helps me assimilate the ideas I read in a better manner. As a wise man said, slow reading is not so much about unleashing the reader’s creativity, as uncovering the author’s.

Often it’s the same old books – the super texts – that I refer to again and again…for each time I go through them, I get a few new and brilliant insights that missed my eyes in the previous readings.

Making Smaller Circles – Investing To reiterate, the concept of making smaller circles, as outlined in Josh’s book, stresses on the fact that it’s rarely a mysterious technique that drives us to the top, but rather a profound mastery of what may well be a basic skillset.

When it comes to investing, this concept applies in the way that you must do just a few small things right to create wealth for yourself over the long run. Pat Dorsey, in his wonderful book – The Five Rules for Successful Stock Investing – summarizes these few things into, well, just five rules –

Do your homework – engage in the fundamental bottom-up analysis that has been the hallmark of most successful investors, but that has been less profitable the last few risk-on-risk-off-years.

Find economic moats – unravel the sustainable competitive advantages that hinder competitors to catch up and force a reversal to the mean of the wonderful business.

Have a margin of safety – to have the discipline to only buy the great company if its stock sells for less than its estimated worth.

Hold for the long haul – minimize trading costs and taxes and instead have the money to compound over time. And yet…

Know when to sell – if you have made a mistake in the estimation of value (and there is no margin of safety), if fundamentals deteriorate so that value is less than you estimated (no margin of safety), the stock rises above its intrinsic value (no margin of safety) or you have found a stock with a larger margin of safety.

If you can put all your efforts into mastering just these five rules, you don’t need to do anything fancy to get successful in your stock market investing. Of course, even as these rules sound simple, they require tremendous hard work and dedication. As Warren Buffett says – “Investing is simple but not easy.” And then, as Charlie Munger says, “Take a simple idea but take it seriously.”

You just need a simple idea. You just need to draw a few small circles. And then you put all your focus and energies there. That’s all you need to succeed in your pursuit of becoming a good learner, and a good investor.

I believe that the process of working on the basics (the small circles) of learning or investing over and over again leads to a very clear understanding of them. We eventually integrate the principles into our subconscious mind. And this helps us to draw on them naturally and quickly without conscious thoughts getting in the way. This deeply ingrained knowledge base can serve as a meaningful springboard for more advanced learning and action in these respective fields.

Josh writes in his book –

Depth beats breadth any day of the week, because it opens a channel for the intangible, unconscious, creative components of our hidden potential.

The most sophisticated techniques tend to have their foundation in the simplest of principles, like we saw in cases of reading and investing above. The key is to make smaller circles.

Start with the widest circle, then edit, edit, edit ruthlessly, until you have its essence.

I have seen the benefits of practicing this philosophy in my learning and investing endeavors. I’m sure you will realize the benefits too, only if you try it out.

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The post Small Circles: The Theory of Mastery in the Art of Learning and Investing appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

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sunshineweb · 7 years