#weird theories and meta idiocy

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okay folks i spent last night on the dropout discord not sleeping until i finished Puzzling the spells from timothy’s book so here’s what we’ve got:

jump from jack be nimble for obvious reasons

expeditious retreat from cinderella because she ran away from the ball and i know everyone thinks its jack and the beanstalk but as far as i, a fool, can tell, jack and the beanstalk never went into the book

lesser restoration from old king cole because brennan literally states that the old king cole rhyme grants tim the spell lesser restoration

calm emotions from the unfinished hey diddle diddle nursery rhyme (the cow jumped over the moon, the dish ran away with the spoon) i guess mostly just because of process of elimination—the spider from little miss muffet went to scheherezade, sleeping beauty wasn’t in the book yet i don’t think, drosselmeyer didn’t get written in the book he just disappeared

and then itsy bitsy spider granted a spell that was too high level—timothy is a level 4 bard and therefore knows up to level 2 spells. web (the most spidery spell) and spider climb (which would make some sense for itsy bitsy) are both level 2 spells, so it can’t be either of those. i think it’s probably water walk, a level 3 spell, because for me at least, that makes more sense than some kind of weather control like people were theorizing

also a lot of people were saying silvery barbs came from senator the ram but senator is first of all, part of king cole’s story, and second of all, tim had silvery barbs before they even met senator (he tried to use it when one of bandlebridge’s guys was yelling at pinocchio), and also silvery barbs wasnt one of the ones ally listed as tim getting them from the book

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cr3 as my family members from this christmas

chetney: my uncle who spent ten minutes discussing his schemes for how to get everyone to eat frozen ravioli and think it’s something else so he can punk them

imogen: my aunt who spent the whole time hiding from people by helping in the kitchen

fearne: my aunt who spent the whole time during the ravioli rant encouraging him

ashton: my brother who vaped in the elevator on the way here and seemed vaguely annoyed the whole time

fresh cut grass: my grandmother who is far too excited to have all of us here

laudna: my mother, only occasionally adding into conversations and only when they’re strange morbid humor for some reason

dorian: me, completely phased out the entire time and very far out of the conversation but still trying to contribute

orym: my father, dead silent and sending me distantly passive aggressive messages because he’s worried i died at some point in the night

bertrand: my uncle who kept waving a knife around at dinner and talks endlessly about his friends from his youth and what they’ve done in their time

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what if pepa villainized bruno because they had never seen someone’s door go dark before and they assumed it meant he was dead and hating him hurt less than missing him