#welcome to my bad and scathing plot ideas!!!! yes i WAS dragging a certain new marvel movie up there

[ssaalexblake]

cm final season ideas that are Super Amazing(tm)

each ep is a different au, but not potentially good au’s like a period piece or a supernatural story. It’d be things like sheep farmer au’s (somebody is sheep rustling, the b-aaaaaaaa-u farm profiles their culprit to save the day), trucker au (there is a trucker killer on the loose! the B-A_U_Turn gang must figure out which of their colleagues is a mass murderer!) or an Everybody works as a doorman (doorperson?) for a different apartment building on an absurdly wealthy street, they get together every friday for a poker game (the behavioral poker unit) where they put on their crime solver hats and try to figure out who murdered old john smith in the penthouse. 

an entire episode from the perspective of Roxy the dog. She is her own hero, views the entire team as her fairly incapable side-kicks, except Luke, who is Obviously The Best Human. the bestest(tm). 

One of those Truly Terrible faux documentary episodes where it’s from the perspective of the film maker, each team member brushes them off with varying degrees of rudeness except for Garcia and Reid, who go into their interviews with cheery confusion and leave having accidentally brutally embarrassed themselves. Film maker inevitably gets kidnapped by bloodthirsty murderer.  The show painfully tries to convince the audience maybe they won’t be saved b/c the team hates them, it’s annoying, the team save the filmmaker. The documentary sucks, the filmmaker expresses sorrow for not catching their own kidnapping on film. A bunch of the ppl the bau had caught are interviewed. It’s wild. 

Prentiss, JJ, Tara and, somehow, Garcia, are pinned down in a corner and almost out of ammo while being shot at by at least ten bad guys, they’re staring emotionally at each other as if to convey deep emotions of love and sisterhood in the last moments of their lives, truly expecting to die in mere seconds. UNTIL one of those tacky movie shots where suddenly every female character ever on the team appear together on screen, guns blazing and save the day (all the dead ones are there too, nobody mentions this is odd). This scene, naturally, makes up for all the ways women have been shat on in the show b/c Girl Power(tm). 

Every single team member is head over the heels in love with another team mate, but like, nobody is ever in requited love. They all love the wrong people. Prentiss cries nightly over JJ while she cries over Reid and Reid cries over Luke and Luke cries over Garcia and Garcia cries over Matt who cries over Tara who cries over Prentiss. (and yeah i wrote all that and forgot Rossi entirely please do not mention it he loves his pasta) 

the jet pilot is a serial killer and the team never noticed and i will stop wanting this plot line to happen some time after i am dead.

an entire episode dedicated to junior bau, all the kids work behind the parents’ back to solve a case. Henry is ring leader and Matt’s eldest is his Rossi figure, his second son is the lead interrogator. The twins are the brains of the operation. Little Michael is the tech genius. Joy Rossi wonders when she became part of a crime solving team of under tens and also how she somehow is Not the one in charge. 

Agent Grant Anderson, steadfast BAU SA is murdered. The team is out for vengeance but also they cannot ever find any pencils ever again because Anderson is the only one who knew where they all were. 

the bau is shut down and in protest rossi starts his own FBI and reinstates the unit out of his basement for nostalgia reasons, i mean they all also get arrested for impersonating federal agents but it’s cool. 

they all just go on vacation. No deaths, crime, or pathological behavior happens. Prentiss jet skis, Tara destroys Luke at every game ever made, Matt, too nice to abandon Kristy to all their kids takes the whole fam with him, C H A O S. JJ eats a lobster. Garcia pets a cat. Reid sky dives. Luke gets too drunk and gets a holiday shame tattoo of a chihuahua he has to hide forevermore. Not one sad thing happens. 

Last episode??? The last scene is a shot of Gideon waking up in bed as if from a nightmare. He’s about to go back to work in the bau again after those 6 agents died in the bombing, but suddenly changes his mind because of the dream, buys another cabin in the middle of nowhere instead and attempts to find and photograph vultures in the wild. It was all a dream and everybody lived happily ever after!!! The end!!!!!