#well Idk what else to write here. but I wont tag the whole team bc thazs so many ppl guys

[her-canine-teeth]

Shauna's drunk. When she's drunk, she starts thinking (more than usual, that is).

Also, something's wrong.

Jackie dances in the middle of the floor. With Jeff.

Shauna is watching her from outside the mass of writhing bodies and feels horrible.

It's not that they're dancing now, as if nothing's ever happened, as if Jackie didn't cry just last night in Shauna's bed (only in the dark, silently, when she thought Shauna was sleeping. She wasn't.)

It's not even that Jackie is back together with him, even though he doesn't make her happy and Jackie knows that just as well as Shauna. Even though she keeps saying the opposite.

It's that Shauna cant stop thinking about it; that even if she forces her eyes to wander they still come back to Jackie every time, fixate on her like there's nothing else in the room.

It's that Shauna can't look anywhere but her, and that the music fades ever so slightly when she does (only for her. only ever for her.)

It's that she's dancing so closely with Jeff that they might as well be one, a single body. And it feels... wrong, just deeply, plainly wrong. It shouldn't be him.

It's that Shauna can't be happy for Jackie. It's that she's the worst best friend to ever exist.

She downs the rest of her drink, barely even tasting it.

Jackie, unaware, turns her face towards the ceiling, eyes closed. The light illuminating it turns blue.

It gives Jackie's skin an almost ethereal glow; she doesn't look real anymore, like her soul has left and all that's moving is just her body, a lifeless shell. She stills, for a second or forever - Shauna can't tell. But she's not moving anymore, and her skin turns lighter, white-ish.

Snow starts to fall. It's terribly cold.

Shauna flinches; the red solo cup crumbles beneath her grip. She feels bile rise in her throat.

It's not snow, of course it isnt; it's summer and they're inside. The spotlights are just throwing white flecks everywhere, like the ones behind Shauna's eyes when she closes them and tries to think of nothing (it never works). Jackie's moving again, blue again, with Jeff's hands all over her again.

It hits her, as sudden as a punch to the face: an overwhelming pain, something that can't be described as just 'sadness'. Something that runs so deep that not even death could expel her from feeling it.

It's still cold, impossibly so; goosebumps are covering her entire body and suddenly it's too light and too loud and too cramped and just too much and if she doesn't get out of here right the fuck now she's going to die.

The warm summer air outside and light breeze do make her feel better. There are less people out here, too; or at least Shauna can't see them. Doesn't care for them.

Everything is blurry. She's lost her cup somewhere on the way, but it doesn't matter; it was empty anyways.

Somebody - Nat? there's a shimmer of yellow, but to be honest Shauna would just like to close her eyes and lay on the ground until the earth consumes her, (out of protest against anyone who hinders her she refuses to open her eyes more than absolutely necessary) so she can't be sure - is tapping her shoulder and handing her a piece of bread, saying "for fuck sake, how much did you drink? Did you eat nothing all day or are that much of a lightweight?"

She did eat. Enough, even though she gave Jackie half of it. Well, 'gave' is relative; but she doesn't like to say she forced Jackie to eat. Doesn't think she could do that, force Jackie to do anything. Doesn't think anyone could. Not really.

But she really isn't feeling that great, and food does help more often than not, so she accepts it and watches the shimmer of blonde float away again.

She bites into the bread. It feels hard and cold and tastes salty and not at all like bread.

Shauna turns and throws up.

Somebody gathers her hair and holds it up, holds her up until she's slowly calming down. "Are you alright?" a voice asks.

Shauna looks up. It's Van, Van with her fiery red hair and a scar on her face. She blurs.

"Something's wrong." Shauna says.

"Yeah, obviously. You've had way too much, what the fuck is going on?"

"No, it's..." Shauna doesn't know how to explain. Can't explain, because how do you explain something you don't even know yourself? How do you say something you can't even think, that you don't know is true?

So she doesn't. Instead, she holds her hand out and traces Van's scar, red against white.

Blood on snow.

The skin is smooth.

Her fingertips are crawling. She feels like she did seconds (hours? How long did she lay here?) ago, when she was inside; too light and too loud and cramped. Only this time, it's not because of other people; this time, it's just herself, her own body who she wants (needs) to get rid of. There are feelings inside of her, feelings she can't contain nor express and they're building up (They've always been building up. They've always come close to being more than what she can handle. But today it feels inevitable.); there's an ocean inside of her, and it's gathering up into a wave so big it's impossible to perceive and it's gonna crash, it's gonna crash and crush her and she's gonna go down, go under and drown. She's tearing at the seams.

Van's looking at her, she realises, eyes wide and filled with an badly hidden emotion that Shauna knows intimately, can match to what's inside her, infesting her like a parasite. That sometimes overcomes her, makes her unable to move and makes her always keep Jackie halfway out (because she doesn't know what, but something's wrong with her. And if Jackie ever finds out it's going to be the end of them - the end of the only good thing Shauna has.

And she knows it's futile, knows she'll destroy it either way; by keeping Jackie out and by letting her in, but this way she can at least pretend.

She can pretend until it's too late, and then keep pretending; because deep down she knows Jackie won't ever leave her. She's imprinted in her skin, behind her eyelids, her brain; she's haunting her already, so why should that be different when she's dead?)

What she doesn't know is why Van is feeling that, why Van is even familiar with it, the bone-deep fear that infests everything she knows like a toxic gas - unable to keep out and killing everything around her.

But she's still looking at her, with the same wide eyes as minutes (seconds?) ago, her mouth slightly open.

She doesn't move, doesn't even blink - just like Shauna, who then becomes aware that she has a body too, that she is more than just a thousand thoughts and prayers and emotions, insecurity and rage, mixed up and dumped into a pocket of air. She becomes aware that her throat hurts, that there's a twig digging into her thigh, that her hand is still on Van's face, unmoving.

"Van?" a voice calls. Van flinches, and so does Shauna. She drops her hand (it lands on her lap, limp and unfeeling), and Van blinks rapidly as if to make up for all the time she didn't, and time starts moving again.

Being normal again.

Except that nothing is.

A hand lands on Van's shoulder, and this time only Shauna flinches. "Damn." Tai says. "Is she alright?"

YES, Shauna wants to say. She is alright. She is the alrightest she's ever been, so could everyone please just leave her alone? Thank you.

"I don't think so." Van says.

She's still looking at her, this time tinged with something like an understanding. A connection. Shauna doesn't want it.

"Do we have to get Jackie? I know where she is, I just saw her-"

"No."

Tai sighs. "Van, please, I'm not dealing with this tonight. First... "

She wishes she could throw up again, get out every thought and memory and watch it disappear into the ground. If it won't claim her body then maybe it'll be enough for it to claim everything that makes her her. Maybe she'll be the ground afterwards; after all, swallowing her thoughts is all she ever does. ("Just talk to someone. It'll be good for you.", her mother had said. Shauna had taken up journaling instead.)

Somebody's pulling her up to her feet.

"Shauna? Shauna, hey..."

Shauna sways, held up only by Van's arm around her waist. Her eyes land on an exceptionally blurry Tai, who's watching her with a concerned look (which is her own fault, Shauna thinks. If they just would've let the earth consume her in peace she'd be long gone already and everything would be alright.)

"Something's obviously going on." Van says. "I'm not leaving her alone, not in that state."

Both Tais glare at Van.

Shauna blinks.

Both of them are still there.

One of the Tais, the one with the longer hair, says something.

Her teeth are dark.

Maybe her bread fell into the dirt too, Shauna thinks miserably.

They're still arguing, still about her. She doesn't want them to, doesn't want them to care for her. Caring for her is not going to end well; she's a knife, a violent paper doll, hurting and destroying and incredibly fragile all the while. Waiting to be discarded.

She turns into Van and starts to cry.

"That's it." Tai (Shauna can't see which one) says. "I'm getting Lottie. Her party, her responsibility. "

Van just sighs and rubs Shauna's back.

Some time later (Shauna is confident that this is a correct estimate about how much time has passed) she's sitting on the steps to the balcony; at least, that's what she thinks based on the noises around her and the smell of weed in the air. The party is obstructed by the impossibly huge plants on the balcony, and it's too dark to make anything out except for a stream of light in front of her. She's grateful for it.

She still feels Van's touch on her back, a ghost handprint.

They're talking about her, Shauna knows, and about her. They (Van and Lottie; Tai pretended to leave but Shauna can feel her eyes from somewhere behind her) are standing a bit apart and the only thing she can hear are whispers. It's not hard though, to know what they're talking about; it's always the same thing. As if they’re entwined, as if Shauna doesn't even exist without her.

Don't get Jackie. At least theyre honoring that wish; they might pass her around like she's a particularly fucked up plant that everybody wants to get rid of as soon as possible, but god forbid anyone would want to pry Jackie from her second body.

Let's get Lottie instead.

She didn't want them to, and told them as much (which didn't do anything at all). Almost like she isn’t her own human with her own agenda; somehow, everybody keeps insisting that she can't possibly make her own decisions, that she doesn't know what she wants. Misplaced. A puppy hanging around outside, waiting to be let back in.

There's something to be said (thought) here, something that she can't grasp right now; it feels just out of reach, dancing behind closed glass doors, but it's interrupted by Lottie's shadow appearing right in front of her, cutting into the yellow light.

She isn't wearing a hat or anything, Shauna notes; which is weird considering it sort of looks that way on her shadow - as if there's a very weird tree growing from her head. Briefly, Shauna wonders if she's high - if she's simply inhaled enough smoke on her time on the balcony to make up for actually smoking.

Lottie, who's holding a joint, doesn't make that theory seem too absurd.

The smoke curls up and obstructs part of her face. Together with the dim light Lottie looks like she's hidden behind a veil.

It's cold again.

The smoke lifts, and Shauna can see Lottie's frown. She doesn't want to, doesn't want anything to make Lottie frown. Especially not to be the reason.

" -you alright? Van said you said something's wrong."

Shauna can't talk, can't get any words out. She feels too weak, suddenly, like she could just collapse right here in the steps and sleep forever. She wants to.

"Did you eat enough?" Shauna nods, hastily. She won't eat anything else tonight. Can't.

Lottie grouches. Her shadow convulses, almost following the movements of Lottie's body and forms into something else, something smaller. The branches have grown. They're almost at the border of the lightstream now. It feels like they're reaching for it. Shauna's hand finds hold on her arm, nails biting into skin.

"You know, " Lottie says, gently.

Shauna's eyes are ripped away from the... thing cowering in the light, to Lottie's eyes.

The smoke-veil has lifted completely now. There's a softness in Lottie's eyes Shauna almost never sees; and if, it's never directed at her. Only ever at Laura Lee. Nat, sometimes.

It feels like an ocean. Calm and harmless; but at the bottom, Shauna knows she'll be crushed. And she's sinking, faster than she ever did before. Her heart is a hand-grenade, beating with anger and fear, but there's something else there, too.

"There- Sometimes you don't know what's going on, and that's ok. Sometimes you're feeling things that don't make sense, or that you don't want to feel, or that make you want to rip your heart out every time you do feel them. Because you have to. And because they're so great you can't just feel them alone, because one person's just not enough but you cant talk to anyone about it because they'd kill you. Not literally. But metaphorically.

But I- I guess I just want you to know that you can talk to me about it, alright? About everything. About her. "

Lottie looks away briefly, her eyes releasing Shauna.

The joint dangles between her pointer- and ring finger, burning into her clothes or maybe not. It doesn't catch on fire.

If it would, Shauna asks herself, would her shadow be exterminated too, destroyed by the light? Or would it simply be freed?

"Shauna?" Lottie starts moving towards her.

"No." Shauna says. "Stay in the light. Please."

As long as Lottie stays right there, in the light of the half-open balcony door, the shadow will stay there too. Has to. If she lets it into the dark Shauna can't keep track of it anymore, will lose sight of it, and it's gonna envelop her, burrow itself inside her and never let her go.

"Do you still think you're a killer?" Lottie's shadow asks. "You could be. If you tried."

"I know. " Shauna's shadow says.

Lottie stills and looks at her. There's surprise in her eyes now, along with that overwhelming softness.

Shauna realises that she's sitting behind one of the plants, in the dark; there's no light. So there's no shadow. She lets her head drop to her knees.

Lottie sighs. There's a rush of air and rustling of clothes and Lottie's hand, gentle on her head.

" Oh, honey."

Shauna wishes that she could drown in her honey voice, could let herself fall and sink and go under and never come back up again. Live as her reflection. It'd be alright then; she's nothing more than fragments of a person who might've existed once anyways.

She doesn't dare look up now, now that she knows Lottie's shadow isnt contained anymore.

She doesn't dare feel anything else than her hand.

"Lottie? Uh, I think they need you inside. There's a. Well, I wouldn't call it a fight, but Tai and J-. Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting?"

Lottie breathes out.

"You could never, Laura Lee."

She stands up.

"Could you stay with Shauna till I'm back? She's not feeling well."

"Of course." Laura Lee says.

Shauna can only imagine the look they share, but she's seen them a thousand times so she can imagine it pretty well. It hollows her out, pulls something inside of her out piece by piece until there's nothing left. Until she's but a shell. In some way, she supposes, she's never been more.

Laura Lee sits down beside her. Shauna can feel her eyes; not concerned like Van's or inquiring like Tai's or whatever the hell Lottie was, but simply looking.

Waiting.

She always does this; sitting beside someone and simply being there until they start talking. Even if it takes forever. It always works.

She's the best of all of them. Of the team, of the world; she tries and tries and never gives up. She's never once thought about being a bad person; she's never once thought about anyone being a bad person, because she believes in the irrevocable good in anyone.

Shauna doesn't realise she's crying until she feels Laura Lee in front of her, gently trying to pry her hands from her head. They fail.

"Shauna. Shauna, please look at me."

Shauna shakes Laura Lee off.

"I can't." she says, muffled. "If I do, something bad's gonna happen."

"To me?"

Shauna doesn't know. Van's scars weren't ever there. Of the two Tai's that went to get Lottie only one came back, and none remained. And Jackie's still dancing.

"Something weird is happening, Laura Lee. Something bad, and I don't know what to do against it, how to stop it, what to-"

Laura Lee stops her struggles against Shauna's arms.

"You know. Some things you can't stop. Some things are just bound to happen, and you can't avoid them. They're going to find you anyway. But, once you're through, you're a stronger person."

"I don't think this is supposed to happen." Shauna says. And, then: "Wait, you mean like a test? from God?"

Shauna can't hear it, can't feel it, and yet she knows the expression Laura Lee makes. When she starts talking again, though, her voice is just as gentle as before.

"I don't like calling it a test."

"Why?"

"Because it implies that you can fail."

Shauna sniffles.

"What, you don't think you can fail?"

You don't think I'm set up for failing, for being the worst possible person with every step I take.

"I don't think he'd do that. He didn't create us to fail, he created us to be good."

"Is that in the bible?"

"I'm not bound to the bible, Shauna." She hears the smile in Laura Lee's voice. "Look at me? Please?"

It was stupid to believe she'd get through with this. Laura Lee listens, and talks, and keeps company until it works. And it always works.

Slowly, Shauna looks up.

The night sky is much darker here, with Lottie's house being out of town and less polluted by the street lights.

Shauna knows, though right now it's being largely obscured by Laura Lee's face, painted blue by the moonlight. There's a light breeze, and warmth, and the giggles of random boys who probably went outside with a stolen joint or something.

It doesn't matter, though. All that matters is Laura Lee.

There's so much love, so much certainty in her eyes that Shauna feels herself simultaneously recoil and wanting to come closer; to submerge herself in the belief Laura Lee holds, that spans her world, endless like the sky.

How one person can have so much faith, Shauna doesn't know. Can't imagine. Wishes she could.

If Lottie is the dark, all shadow and hidden half-smiles, then Laura Lee is light incarnate.

"It's going to be alright." she says, and for once, Shauna believes her (because it's said with such conviction, such immense knowledge that Shauna can't not believe her.)

The sky starts to burn. There are snakes of fire, a place of smoke, rising around Laura Lee's head like a halo.

A second later, there's a boom. It shatters the earth and Shauna's heart, vibrating deep in her bones.

"What the fuck?" Lottie shouts from somewhere behind Laura Lee, who's still towering over Shauna, hair still reflecting the light.

"Who the fuck brought fireworks? I swear to God and everything that's holy, I will get your asses, and you will never show your godforsaken face here again."

Fireworks. Of course.

Shauna exhales, shakily.

It rains blue and purple fire around Laura Lee's head.

In the moonlight, it looks like snow.

Is she right back where she started?

"Did you see? Nothing happened." Laura Lee smiles, tentatively. "I'm alright."

[misterbitches]

i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao

it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.

anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like

bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?

so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao

so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.

i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?

but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)

so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.

but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!

god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?

also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.

because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.

so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?

because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?

and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post

so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.

and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.

and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?

ok so lets go through this:

1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????

2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.

3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?

3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?

4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"

4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)

4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!

5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.

6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"

7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE

8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this

9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—

10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.

10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing

they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.

also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever

even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD

even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird

just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.

how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.

i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?

then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)

(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)