#well that was enough rambling i should just keep a diary again sdkghjllkjsgdh
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#honestly ever since that dream i've been like listening to t*e 19*5 again and like....i can..hardly.....do that.. like i feel like im brea#*breaking my own heart like m*atty as a person........ i'll always come back to this like it always returns to him i just.....#and while i don't agree to/like what they're putting out atm and the drift they're on i still kinda respect that that's what they're#doing rn and m*tty still is SO incredibly relatable to me like......i could write PAGES explaining that but i feel....#idek. think i'm gonna get my period soon and im excessively emotional..... and yet..#big sigh#i cannot LOOK at videos without physically feeling pain like. i have never felt like a constant attraction to someone before like#with c*m or alex it's just phases or even with boyfriends i've had it's phases where ur like OMG IM GOING CRAZY JSUT LOOKING AT THEM but#it always fades to like... yea they're alright looking but i don't rly get why i was /that/ sold but with m*tthew it's like.....wowzie#lmao 'still crazy after all these years' to stay tru to my paul simon quotes#well that was enough rambling i should just keep a diary again sdkghjllkjsgdh#me
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