#what IS a slight consolation is knowing my f/os would think I look hot no matter what I wear

[hollow-prey]

I need to move out for many reasons (the main problems why I cannot at the moment being that everything, housing included, is Fucking Expensive, and I cannot reasonably afford a house or rent at this time), and one of the less serious reasons is so that I can start dressing like the eccentric, whimsical goth gf I've always wanted to be without agonizing over what my parents would think. "oh but you're an adult now you can do what you want" while this is true, I have HORRENDOUS anxiety regarding parental opinions about stuff I do, specifically coming from my dad. Like the first time I got high at a friend's house, I was genuinely having a great time, only to keep periodically lamenting and worrying about what my parents would think of me if they found out. I was also 24 in a state where weed had been legalized for everyone 21+ a few years prior. And now we both have edibles on hand and my parents take a piece of chocolate every day to help them sleep. anyway

I'm not entirely sure what kind of buried trauma such anxiety might indicate, or where exactly it manifested from, and while my dad has never judged me to my face and seems mostly chill with my inherent weirdness in other areas (probably thanks to my mom), I already know he wouldn't be super amused or thrilled if I started wearing gothic dresses with corset details or tattered skirts and fishnets or black lipstick and black platform heels or if I started dressing like some mysterious fae elf etc. etc. He likes to make snap judgements and jump to conclusions based on appearances and surface-level details, and I feel like his whole attitude (even if he didn't express it directly to me) would be "why do you need to dress like that? what is the purpose? why do you have to be weird and make a statement and draw attention to yourself like that? why can't you just dress in Normal Clothes like everyone else?" And I just can't escape that lingering feeling of dread and inevitable judgement whenever I think about dressing differently for a change. Once I live on my own and don't have to see my parents every single day I think I'll feel more comfortable and confident and less anxious dressing how I want, even if it may not be that drastic of a change (at first).