#what if elliott and olivia actually tried to make it work

[totallypathet]

Episode Seven

I am being very inconsistent with my breakdowns this season. Both with Drag Race and in general 😂

Anyway, the reading challenge! We love the reading challenge. Nearly everyone had at least 1 good roast, except for Miss Elliott. I dont know what she was trying to do, but none of it worked. On the plus side though, Gottmik was hilarious? I just wasn't expecting that from her, but I love it. Honestly though I think my favourite was Olivia Lux's "Kandy Ho...wait, I mean Kandy is a hoe" that was so funny! Rosé and Denali were also really funny, but I kind of loved everyone else's reads for Rosé, I feel like she brought out the best in people 😂

I wasn't super excited for Bossy Rossy to come back. I just think improv is *so* hard, and it's really easy to be tripped up. Having said that, I actually really enjoyed this episode. I felt like all the scenarios were just so ridiculous that actually it worked in everyone's favour.

1. Denali

Denali was so funny this week! I was not expecting physical comedy from her and Rosé, but they absolutely killed it. The outfits and the voices were properly giving me Jerry Springer, and omg PREGNANTE just killed me! They were actually genuinely funny!

And her look this week...I actually gasped when she turned the corner. It was such a beautiful look, and I really felt that like grand chandelier thing she was going for. I loved it, and I think Denali should have been top 3 this week instead of Kandy. The judges are sleeping on Denali and I don't get it. I think she's great!

2. Elliott with Two Ts

I barely even want to talk about Elliott this week. Nothing she did was funny. Nothing she did this week was enjoyable. She was bad in the sketch. The runway look was ugly and tacky. I'm bored. She wasn't even that good in the lipsync, I do not understand why she's still there.

I mean, I feel for her with her struggle with depression, that's really hard, and I know that it does isolate you from people, and I understand why she's been very detached from the rest of the cast. I feel for her, and I really hope she has a good support system around her; but her performance this week (and every other week) was still bad.

3. Gottmik

Gottmik was actually so funny this week. She really was that like soft spoken, condescending, hand gestures, "active listening" faux-psychologist; I loved it. I really bought the character, I thought she was funny, she worked really well with Olivia, and also that look? The pink suit? Amazing. Also she had so many little throwaway mime one liners that were so clever! She was kind of unfortunate in that Olivia was really the standout performer in that group, and that other groups also performed really well, because I think she was a real contender for top 3 this week.

I looooved Gottmik's runway. The big anal bead hair piece? Amazing. And the dress being all that one colour, but with the texture of the beads and the latex? Perfect. And the way she painted her face! I just loved it, it was beads in a really unconventional way, and I love that about Gottmik, she always brings her perspective. The only thing, and it is such a teeny tiny thing, is that I wish the shoes had had more of a "round" feeling? Like everything else felt like latex balls and then the shoes were just like red pumps. I wish they'd been more like those McQueen heels Gaga wore, that were really rounded? It's such a small thing though, like the look was perfect, I'm just being super picky!

4. Kandy Muse

I dont really understand why Kandy was top 3 this week. I do like that she tried something different, and I like that she was aiming for this very cold, Paris Hilton type thing, but I just don't think she went far enough with it. The sketch as a whole was funny, but for me the humour came from Symone.

The look this week though. Kandy Muse has never looked better. She looked amazing! That big hat, with the big fur stole, and the beads just dripping off everything, it was so perfect. I just loved it.

5. Lala Ri

I actually don't think Lala was that bad this week! Was she utterly hilarious in her performance? No, but improv is hard, and she gave it her absolute best. I actually thought she was pretty funny, I loved the pregnancy belly being totally the wrong skin colour, I thought the trust fall thing was a really funny idea, I dont think she did too badly! Also, there was a moment right before the trust fall where she was counting Rosé in, and she just went "one, FALL", and that was so much funnier than they gave it credit for. For me, it was a safe performance.

I also really liked her look! It immediately gave me beads, I loved the kind of carnivale presentation she gave, I enjoyed it! Okay, the body suit had a rip in it, but sometimes shit happens when you're putting on a garment okay? I forgive the rip. I do get that, okay, it's a body suit with basically a beaded bikini, I see that. But honestly, I just don't think anything Lala did this week was THAT bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. I just felt safe to me.

Lala didn't deserve to go this week. She was better than Elliott in the challenge, her runway look was better than Eliott's, and she beat Elliott in the lipsync. I do not understand the judging on this show. Bottom 2 should have been Utica and Elliott, and Elliott should have gone.

6. Olivia Lux

Olivia made me so happy this week. I mean, she makes me happy every week, I am fully an Olivia Stan, but oh my god. She killed it this week! She said like 3 words the whole time, but I could barely take my eyes off her! When they were talking through parts in the work room, I was ao worried about her, and I was so concerned that she'd fade into the background because she couldn't talk, but holy shit she was so funny! She had the energy, she went so over the top with her actions, I was not at all expecting that slapstick type funny from her but she delivered. Olivia's performance was absolutely my favourite this week, I was just so blown away by her.

Also, that runway look was amazing! I loved her interpretation of beads, it was so cute, and so fun, and she really embodied that kind of pre-teen joy and care-free spirit. I just loved it. It seems like she's worked a lot with Mondo Guerra on her runway looks this season, which I live, because I adore Mondo, and every week I can't wait to see what she's wearing!

7. Rosé

I was really impressed with Rosé! Her and Denali were so funny together, and Rosé in particular was really funny with "Jared", like she never forgot that there was meant to be an invisible boyfriend next to her; she was holding his hand, she looked at him like he was really there, it was amazing. I was genuinely really impressed with Rosé this week.

Where I felt like she fell down a little bit was with her runway. Was it cute? Absolutely. Was it amazing? No. It just didn't give me anything, I didn't get a story, or a character, or a feeling, it was just "oh, that looks good". Which is fine, but it doesn't win challenges, you know?

8. Symone

Deboooorah! I loved Symone this week. I actually loved that their sketch wasn't massive high energy and screaming and yelling, because that wasn't the characters they were given. They did such an amazing job of being the child stars crying on Oprah's sofa type characters, and I actually loved it. Also, the candle thing was hysterical, Symone holding a candle that says "desperation" and crying was just so funny to me. She absolutely sold me the character, I was really getting a Real Housewives moment where they're like "I'm starting my own business where I'm going to make my own candles!" And then they get really emotional about it. I loved it so much, she was hilarious this week.

And Symone's look! My flatmate and I were literally applauding in our front room. It was perfect. It was beautifully made, all the proportions were perfect, the colour palette was gorgeous, the attention to detail was everything, I loved it so much. AND SHE HAD HER NAME IN HER HAIR! The beads in her hair spelled out SYMONE. Everything about it was perfect.

I really couldn't pick this week whether Symone or Olivia was going to win, and honestly I didn't mind either way. They were both just so incredible.

9. Tina Burner

You guys. I am bored of Tina Burner. I can't believe I'm saying it either. But she walked in being really like campy and fun, and then just sort of flatlined. I didn't think she was that funny this week. Even next to Elliott, the least funny queen in the whole line up, she didn't seem like the funny one. I am disappointed. The only bit of their sketch that was funny was them fighting with the huge ass and tits. That was just so ridiculous that it was funny.

I'll tell you what else, I've already forgotten what she wore on the runway. I watched this episode less than 24 hours ago, and yet I've got to go back and watch it again so I remember Tina. And then I remembered why it didn't stick in my mind. I don't know what she was thinking but...she's lucky the judges liked her challenge performance. Also, it looked like a worse version of Crystal Methyd's entrance look with some beads stuck on. Didn't get it, didnt like it, still waiting for Tina to wear something good on the runway.

The one thing I will say about Tina this week is that we really saw her be a human with Elliott, and I really loved that. That was the first time this season that I've really liked Tina. I appreciate that she gave Elliott that pep talk, and that she said that thing in her confessional about being a bit judgmental and feeling guilty about it, I really appreciated that, and I feel like we saw a real person. I want more of that!

10. Utica

Utica... I don't think she's long for this competition, I'm afraid. She literally started this week saying she's a scene stealer, and she does improv regularly, and she was really excited for this challenge...what happened? I was lost, during her whole performance. First of all, she was supposed to be Olivia's mum, hadn't seen her for 20 years, but she came out looking like a 19 year old? I think she was aiming for that like "mutton dressed as lamb" type look, those mom's who are like "me and my daughter always get confused for sisters!" thing, but she didn't go far enough with it. It just didn't work. And then the Starbucks thing? Didn't get that either. The one thing I will give her is I loved that she shushed Olivia when Olivia was like copying the hand gestures in a really mocking way, I thought that was so funny. But other than that... Utica should have been lipsyncing this week, honestly. She wasn't funny. Where were the jokes??

The only things that saved her this week was the look. It was stunning. I dont really know what else to say about it, because it was just gorgeous. It was beautiful, but a bit twisted and freaky, and tragic all in one. Stunning.

The other thing I want to say about this week is that moment when they were doing makeup, and Kandy was being Maury, and Lala was running around the workroom having just been told Tina was not the father of her children, followed by Mik the camera operator and Elliott the sound tech? Hilarious. That was the funniest bit of the whole episode, I was creasing 👌👌

For me, the top 2 of the season are Olivia and Symone. I've thought that since the very first episode, and honestly, the others are great (mostly), but to me they just aren't on the same level as Olivia and Symone. They're just both amazing, they're so funny, and so talented, and incredible performers, and absolute Stars on the runway.

[purplesurveys]

1123

survey by zqrwrgnani

What do you typically have for breakfast? I skip breakfast Monday to Friday. On weekends either of my parents will usually make fried rice served with 3–4 of the following: eggs, hotdogs, corned beef, dried fish, ham, longganisa, and luncheon meat.

Where do you purchase most of your clothes? There’s a tiangge at the local mall where they will change up the collection of clothes being sold every couple of weeks. They have trendy choices at really low prices so that’s where I liked getting clothes back when I went out more.

Do you have any opinions on Anna Delvey? Literally have never heard of her. Should I know who this is...?

What are you currently streaming? I have an episode of (surprise!) 2D1N turned on, but it’s paused.

What do you typically order when you go for coffee? Iced caramel macchiato. I actually switched it up today and went for a basic iced mocha, though. Just wanted to try something new, I guess.

Anything you’re looking out for at the thrift? No, and I don’t usually make trips to thrift stores either.

Who are your favorite YouTubers? Louise Pentland is a recent favorite. There’s also Good Mythical Morning, Grace Helbig, and The Try Guys. I also like a ton of BuzzFeed people but I don’t think they count as YouTubers. I like a good number of local vloggers as well but they’re no one you would recognize.

Describe your skincare routine. I just splash some water onto my face first thing in the morning, every day.

What’s your typical morning routine look like? Work has conditioned me to automatically wake up at 6:30, and by then I have the choice to either go back to sleep or try to properly wake up by watching YouTube videos. Either way, I have to be up by 8 so I can start working. And like I said, I briefly wash my face, then I immediately head to my laptop. That’s it, really; it’s super uneventful and I'm sorry I can’t make it any more interesting lol.

Are you still playing Animal Crossing? I never bought the game, actually. I asked Nina if I should buy it and she said it probably won’t be suitable for me since the game requires a lot of creativity, which as y’all know by now I lack entirely hahaha. I have my eyes set on other games.

How has the pandemic specifically affected you? It kept me from having a memorable final year in university, and it kept me from having a graduation ceremony. We also had to sell one of our cars, which I really loved driving when we still had it, so that bummed me out. I believe the pandemic had also been a slight factor in the crumbling of my former relationship as well.

Where’s your favorite place to go for brunch? I never go out for brunch.

What’s on your nightstand? Right now there is a bunch of books on it and a paper envelope from work.

What do you think about before falling asleep? Anything except my already pending deliverables work for the following day.

What is your main source of anxiety? Continued from the previous evening. I don’t know if there’s a main catalyst...a lot of things have the ability to make me feel anxious.

Any bands or artists you’ve recently discovered? I’m going further down the K-pop rabbit hole as I know it, lmao. It’s starting, you guys. This week I discovered GOT7; I’ve only heard one song so far but I’m extremely hooked. Ravi’s also very talented and has catchy songs.

What are your goals for today? Have a great rest of the evening and enjoy the start of my weekend.

What kind of games do you play on your phone? I haven’t been playing a lot of games on it, actually. I mainly use it to keep track of my Viber notifications (because my laptop sometimes won’t, and I end up replying to some work threads late) and to watch on Viu. But the last game I downloaded was a logo quiz game for old times’ sake.

Are there any packages you’re waiting to come in through the mail? Nah, haven’t ordered anything recently. I think I’m over my online shopping phase hahaha. I was just really excited about it when I got my first couple of paychecks, but now that the initial thrill has passed, I mainly look forward to spending on food – exactly like how I predicted it would be for me.

Describe your favorite t-shirt? I’d neverrrrr throw out my CM Punk Best in the World shirt for the world, no matter how more tattered and stained it gets. It’s one of my prized possessions and it reminds me of a really happy and carefree time in my life.

Do you have a specific aesthetic? I don’t know if I fit into a certain one; I certainly don’t consciously try to. You’d have to ask my friends if I do have a specific kind.

Skinny jeans or mom jeans? Mom jeans, a thousand times over. I dread wearing skinny jeans.

What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? The Wild Thornberrys.

Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I felt scared more than anything else. I’ve never felt such a heavy sensation before, so I didn’t know what was going on. I also felt the need to be around them as much as I can, as I was starting to love and enjoy their presence, and be the one to attend to their needs.

Have you tried the feta and tomato recipe? No but sounds delicious.

What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I don’t drink that. Sounds nasty.

What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? Don’t wear makeup, either.

What’s your all time favorite movie? Two for the Road.

What are some female names you would name a baby? Olivia, Mia, and Amelia are some of my favorites.

What about male? Erm, probably names like Mason, Elliott, Matteo, Liam...I don’t want a son, so I don’t think about boy names too often lmao.

Do you have any subscription boxes? No. I’ve always wanted to subscribe to one with a quirky concept, like a Korean-themed one, or international snacks or condiments, or curated alcoholic drinks, etc. but at the end I feel it’s a luxury I could do without.

What did you purchase the last time you bought groceries? The last time I got groceries was for work, and for that instance I got several of the following: coffee packs, soju, various canned goods, spaghetti set, Nutella, and toiletries.

What fictional creature would you like as a pet? Wouldn’t keep him as a pet but I feel like Maximus from Tangled would be such a fun dude to be around.

Describe your favorite piece of jewelry. I don’t have one. I love borrwing my mom’s Tiffany’s jewelry, though.

Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? So fucking many of them, especially the ones I frequented back in college. I went back to Katip last week and the place felt like a damn ghost town.

How do you feel about the BLM movement? I support it, of course. And I feel infuriated by those who try to counter by saying aLl LiVeS mAtTeR or worse, bLuE lIvEs MaTtEr.

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever taken? I don’t think I ever took an advice I knew was bad or would be useless or irrelevant to me. But this reminds me of my mom’s favorite piece of advice for every bad situation, which is to pray lmao.

How do you feel about your neighbors? I feel like I answer this a lot on this surveys, but I don’t think anything of them. We mostly keep to our own business.

What kind of dwelling do you live in? A house.

Have you been watching this season of The Bachelor? I’ve never tried watching it and have no desire to.

What’s typically kept in your purse/wallet? Paper bills, receipts I have the tendency to stuff and keep there even though I’ll never have to use them again, my Paramore ticket, TIN ID, copies of 1x1 and 2x2 photos of myself just in case I have to whip one out, driver’s license, my debit cards, and my vape.

How do you feel about TikTok? I gravitate towards the tutorials and unique prompts (like people showing their parents of different nationalities, the then-vs-now of their pets, etc) more so than the dance-y/meme-y ones. I’ve never felt the need to get the actual app, though. I get my TikTok fix on Facebook, which makes me feel old saying so LOL

What’s the hardest thing you’ve done/been through? Dealing through a breakup was surprisingly harder and more excruciating than deaths I’ve had to go through.

Did you/do you still have a Neopets account? I never had an account but I did have a Neopets game on my flip phone.

What do you look like on a day where you don’t leave the house? Haggard.

Do you have any opinions on Amberlynn Reid? Have literally never heard of that name.

Any current trends you dislike? Most streetwear.

[yourmandevine]

Some stuff that made me happy in 2020, in no particular order

God send you no greater loss. It’s something my grandmother said a lot — a bit of highly Irish Catholic wisdom intended to remind you, warmly but sharply, that whatever you’re currently suffering through isn’t all that bad compared to what lots of other people are dealing with. That it probably isn’t too much to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. That you should, instead, be grateful for what you’ve got, big and small and everything in between.

God sent a great many people a great many unfathomable losses this year, and as hard as it felt at times, our family wasn’t among them; we’re lucky, in the big picture. In the past, people have recommended I try writing those reasons down, to give myself a list of stuff to be thankful for, for the times it’s tough to summon up the gratitude. I figured the end of the year was as good a time as any to make that list, to highlight the stuff that helped me get through this year — the reasons big, small, and in between.

So: here goes.

Peanut butter and jelly

I haven’t counted how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I’ve eaten since March 11, which is good, because that would be an absurd thing to do, and a sure sign that I have succumbed to a very specific kind of madness. It’s also good, though, because I would undoubtedly be ashamed by the number; the figure would be titanic, like the unsinkable ship of same name, or the iceberg that sunk it.

Or, at least, I would be ashamed under normal circumstances. This fuckin’ year required whatever flotation device you could find, and you know what I found in the fridge and cupboard? A couple of slices of bread, some strawberry jam, and some goddamn Skippy.

Need a weird mid-morning “brunch” after not having breakfast because you went right from waking up to remote school with the 6-year-old? Crank up a PB&J with that third cup of coffee. Need to pack something in the diaper bag to feed everyone while you’re out at the playground for the afternoon? Stack ‘em up, son. Need a late snack after working the overnight shift filing weird bubble playoff columns? Three letters, one ampersand, one love.

I need to eat better in 2021. But I kind of needed to eat sort of like shit to get through 2020, and time and again, when your man needed it most, PB&J was there.

Sunday night Zoom sessions with college friends

I know that most of us started something like this back in March; I’m not sure how many have stuck with it. I hope the answer is “a lot,” because honestly, knowing that I’m going to end the week by seeing a few friends — some here in Brooklyn but mostly beyond our reach for safety’s sake, some who’ve moved away — has felt like a stabilizing agent on more than a few occasions. It’s important, and no small blessing, to have people in your life who really know you, weird messy ugly bits and all, and in front of whom you can let everything go.

That gallery view’s provided a place to vent, to seethe, to laugh, to cry, and to try to find some semblance of center before heading back into another week. I’m grateful for it, and for the people in those little boxes. Except for the time they reminded me that, when I was 18, I was pretty sure I was a Pacey, and they were all extremely confident I was a Dawson. They were right, but still: a bitter pill to swallow, then and now.

Olivia calling herself “Dr. Bloody”

She took out her little toy doctor kit and just turned into a cackling villain.

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Deeply disconcerting, yes, but also adorable.

All Fantasy Everything

What got me in the door was the conceit: three very funny stand-up comedians (Ian Karmel, David Gborie, Sean Jordan), often with a very funny guest but sometimes without, pick some topic or another and engage in a fantasy draft of their favorite aspects or representations of that topic. (It is, crucially, a serpentine draft. Now what is that? That’s a great question.) Some favorite examples: Mikes; Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart, vols. 1 and 2; Things You Yell After You Dunk on Someone; Fictional Athletes; Crimes We’d Like to Commit. Yeah. It’s that kind of podcast.

What kept me around was the friendship. Listen to an episode and it becomes really clear really quickly just how much the three hosts love each other, how much fun they have being around each other and making one another laugh. The warmth radiates, just pours out of the speakers; in a year where I sorely needed some good vibes, I appreciated my regular check-ins with the Good Vibes Gang to just ... unclench for an hour and a half or so. 

Drinking beer

OK, I’ll admit: This doesn’t sound great for me. It’s true, though. I really like beer. (We brewed one in our kitchen, which I realize is something of a “bearded guy in Brooklyn” cliche, but here we are. It was exciting to complete a project, and it tasted OK-ish.) At some points this year, it didn’t feel like there wasn’t much to look forward to, and sometimes drinking some High Lifes or Narragansett tall boys — with my wife in our living room, with friends on the computer, whatever — helped take the edge off a shitty day/week/month/year. I look forward to being able to do that outside with people again.

The Good Place

I am sure some very smart cultural critics and political thinkers and social revolutionaries have forwarded compelling arguments for why this show is Bad, Actually, because that seems to be more or less true about most things, whether because said thing is Actually Bad or because the economics of the attention economy on the internet functionally necessitate the composition and publication of pretty much every position on pretty much every issue, and especially ones that present a counterargument for why you shouldn’t like the thing you like, and might be kind of a piece of shit for liking it. But I liked this half-hour comedy about the way the universe might be put together, why we should try to take better care of each other, and how doing so might be a pretty great way to take better care of ourselves.

Andrew let me write about it a little bit for a big project we did before the series finale aired, which was really nice of him. I found myself thinking about this part a lot this year:

I also thought a lot about Peeps Chili, but that happens every year.

Taking pictures of my dog

Check out this flumpy goddamn champion:

“Lugar is a good boy” is the main takeaway here. They don’t all have to be complicated.

Schitt’s Creek

I know we’re not alone in this, but we inhaled this show this year. A half-hour comedy about people being laid low, learning how to deal with who they actually are, and finding some grace and community and opportunities for growth kind of hit the spot, I guess.

One of the most wholesale enjoyable ensemble comedy casts I can remember; Catherine O’Hara was already in Cooperstown, but what she made with Moira Rose only polishes her plaque. I’ll never be able to describe with any specificity the thing Chris Elliott does, but I know it has made me laugh since I was a child too young to understand the Letterman bits or see Cabin Boy in the theater, and it’s probably going to make me laugh until I am dead.

I love that people who, for years, never got to see themselves or people like them on screen got to see David Rose on screen and maybe recognize themselves a little bit. The idea that seeing the David/Patrick relationship might make them maybe feel a little more at home, a little safer and more whole, makes me happy. Sad, about the before, but happy, about the now and the what comes next.

Past that, I just love how what was ostensibly a family-and-friends production for a Canadian channel just got absolutely everything right—the tone, the look, the sound, the theme song, the cast, the jokes, my goodness, the jokes—and before long, the rest of the world just got it. Like catching a fastball square on the barrel. Something the show clearly knew a little bit about.

Finding new outdoor places it was safe to go

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the need to give the kids a place to be that wasn’t unnecessarily dangerous but also wasn’t inside our two-bedroom apartment led us to do more exploring than we had before. Shirley Chisholm State Park is great. Canarsie Pier was a fun place to spend a Sunday morning; so’s Canarsie Playground. If we got there early enough or made our peace with some rain, the beaches at Jacob Riis Park and Fort Tilden were pretty rad this summer. I lived in Staten Island from ages 8 through 18, and during breaks throughout college, and don’t think I ever hiked in High Rock Park — that’s dumb, because it was nice!

Even if all those little excursions did was kill a little time and reduce the overall stress level of the four humans stuck in our four walls, that’s not nothing. Some days this year, it was everything.

Cobra Kai

I know I’m late here; I didn’t rush to seek it out because I don’t consider myself a huge fan of The Karate Kid, or at least not a big enough fan to sign up for YouTube’s premium service. I checked it out when it came to Netflix, though, and I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this show. Give me “dumb, but with heart” every day of the week.

I believe in Miguel Diaz; I believe in Johnny Lawrence; I believe I will be firing up Season 3 next month, and perhaps drinking some Coors Banquets in its honor. (I cannot, however, believe how the “get him a body bag” thing came back around, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Closing unread tabs

I’m a serial hoarder of links, and I am bad at finishing all of them. I’ve tried to get into Pocket and Instapaper, but I’ve never been able to turn that sort of workflow — open link, save to third-party service, go back to third-party service later to read, then delete from there — into something that felt instinctual, natural, or habitual. So: lots of tabs. Like, lots of tabs.

This was a dicier proposition than usual in 2020, because cutting my work week in half to be able to more effectively coparent two kids who didn’t have school or day care for most of the year meant less time to read things.

I tried to do my best to keep up with the important stuff for work, and to read at least some stuff about how other parents were dealing with their anxiety/anger/depression/frustration at having to be on 24/7 and work, and to stay abreast of (at least some of) what was happening in the world. Sometimes, though, I would wake up and realize I’d been holding onto blog posts about Really Interesting Rotation Decisions on the 11th-Seeded Team in the East or whatever for literally nine months, and I would go against my nature and just hit the eject button on a 25-deep window, and something amazing would happen: I wouldn’t get fired for being shitty at my job. I would move on with my day, and I would feel about 10 pounds lighter.

I still keep too much stuff open. (As we speak, I’ve got three different Chrome windows open on two different laptops. I choose not to count the total tabs.) But I do so knowing that, if it gets too heavy, I can experience the momentary joy of surrendering to the inevitability that I can’t catch everything. In that moment, I feel OK with my decay.

Reading writers I wasn’t familiar with before

Two in particular stand out in my mind: Nekias Duncan, now of BasketballNews.com, who does excellent film breakdowns and statistical analysis, and Katie Heindl, who writes basketball stuff of all types all over the place, and strings sentences together in a way that scratches an itch inside my brain. I’m grateful I got more chances to read them this year, I look forward to bigger and better things for both of them, and I’m hopeful that, if things calm down and our schedules go back to something approximating normalcy, I’ll have more bandwidth to hunt out more new voices in the year ahead.

The time I ambushed my wife as she was trying to break down and put away the girls’ space tent

Pretty good.

Siobhan learning to ride a bicycle (with training wheels, but still)

The moment passed pretty quickly; Not Exactly A Mechanic over here can’t get the training wheels to reliably work right without either loosening them too much or tightening them so much that she can’t pedal it. In that first moment, though, and for as long as it lasted, it was really great to see her get excited about doing something new, big kid shit, for the first time.

She was proud. I was proud of her. And then we went to a playground for a few hours. Pretty good day.

Tyler Tynes roasting me

Tyler did some incredible work this year — The Cam Chronicles is getting deserved praise as one of 2020′s best podcasts, and his reporting on the Movement for Black Lives was exemplary. It’s hard to top this, though:

You know what the messed up part is? I was excited to tell him what I was doing, just because I knew the reaction would be so violent. Like a body rejecting a transplant. So lucky to have such a dear, dear friend.

PUP

I’m late on everything, so I didn’t start listening to PUP until the spring of 2019, but I haven’t really stopped since. This year has been too sedentary too often; this band is too kinetic to allow me to stay there.

“Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley Kate” is never more than about 20 minutes away from returning to the front of my mind. I would fucking love for it to be safe enough to watch these guys live at some point, and I am absolutely going to take Steve up on his offer.

Someone sending me a shirt based on a joke I tweeted

First:

Then:

Then:

I’m not sure you should be rewarding my behavior, SnoCoPrintShop, but I appreciate it all the same.

Which reminds me:

Family dinner/family movie night

My wife works in Manhattan and commutes back on the train, and we've tried to prioritize getting the girls to bed early since they were little, so that doesn’t leave much of a window between when she gets home and they go in the tub for us all to connect; before everything shut down, we almost never really ate together. We’re still not great about it, but for a while now we’ve carved out Saturday as family dinner night, where we sit down to eat and talk about our “up” from the day — something that happened that made us feel good or happy, or something we’re looking forward to. (We used to talk about our “down,” too, but that kind of seemed like overkill. Why try to focus on more bad shit right now, you know?)

Then we settle in for a movie, with who gets to pick rotating each week. It’s mostly been Pixar, which has been great but also has its drawbacks; after she caught me crying during one of them (maybe the Bing-Bong scene in Inside Out? or Miguel singing to Grandma Coco?), Siobhan straight up told me, “You need to get yourself together, man.” We just watched My Neighbor Totoro, too, which they loved, so we’re probably going to try some more Miyazaki soon. It’s a really simple thing, but it’s one we rarely made time for before, and it’s been really nice to manufacture something positive that we can share and look forward to together.

Sometimes looking like a shiftless drifter

No shade to anyone who felt strongly about getting a lineup or whatever, but I haven’t really felt like going to the barbershop was worth the risk, and I continue to refuse to believe that my wife can actually pull off the fade she’s long wanted to give me. (It is also possible that she just means she’s intending to run my fade, and that I will before long wind up cold-cocked and slumped by my bride of nine years.) So I’ve just kind of been growing out my hair like it was when I was single, and sometimes been letting my beard get kind of out of control too, and, well, I sort of like looking a little bit like a Wildling, it turns out.

I have since trimmed things up a little. It didn’t go over well with my youngest. Oh, well. I’ll try to do better next time.

My wife and daughter singing the Pixies

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We don’t know all the words to too many lullabies, so we sing the ones we do know the words to. This will probably come back to bite us in the years ahead. For now, though: Pretty good.

Doughboys’ Tournament of Chompions: Munch Madness: Mac Attack

I can’t believe how invested I became in Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell’s quest to determine the best menu item at McDonald’s in a 64-seed tournament that spawned hours and hours of delightfully funny audio featuring all-time home-run guests like Jon Gabrus and Nicole Byer, who gleefully feed into the often warm, sometimes antagonistic, always entertaining chemistry between the two hosts. I have also never found myself wanting to go to McDonald’s more in my entire life. I have hit the drive-thru a couple of times since, and the boys are right: The McDonald’s fountain Coke does just hit different.

Sound Only

I’ve lost track of whether or not a 38-year-old is considered a millennial, but I’m quite confident that I’m not exactly plugged into “the millennial lifestyle” as my teammates Justin Charity and Micah Peters discuss it on their podcast, which relaunched this summer. Doesn’t matter, though, because I love hearing Charity and Micah talk to each other even if I don’t know what they’re talking about.

Their conversation about Dave Chappelle was great. After listening to their Travis Scott episode, I felt like I kind of understood who he is and why he occupies the space he does in pop culture now. I had no idea how they were going to get me to give a shit about set photos from The Batman, but this they not only got me there, but wended their way toward blaming 50 Cent for needing to know who Groot is to have a conversation on the internet, which is something for which Abraham Lincoln did not die. The show is good, it's getting better, it’s fun to hear them talk their shit, and Charity’s regular bellowing of “I, TOO, AM AMERICA” has made me smile for four straight months. 

Siobhan’s letters and notes

She’s in first grade now, and she’s taken to communicating her feelings through the written word. A lot.

I won’t pretend that I loved all of these in the moment. I can only get so upset, though, when she’s already writing with such a clear voice. (And trying to use proper punctuation. (And drawing little cartoons to drive the point home.)

Palm Springs

I’m having a hard time remembering too many specifics about it right now, which probably means it’d be a good thing to rewatch over the holidays. But, as I’m sure many people noted many months before we got around to watching it, a comedy about living the same day over and over again, and about trying to figure out how to make your life mean something when everything seems meaningless, scratched a pretty particular, and particularly important, itch this year. It could’ve been twice as long, and I would’ve eaten up every second of Andy Samberg and Cristin Miloti together.

I’m pretty sure I cried, although this year, that doesn’t necessarily mean much.  Also, put Conner O’Malley in more things.

Joining our union’s bargaining committee

I won’t say too much about this, but I will say that becoming an active participant in the process of a labor union negotiating its first contract with management has been an extremely educational experience. It’s pushed me to have conversations, sometimes difficult ones, about our priorities as a staff and a company. It's helped me get closer with the other past and present members of the BC, and has led me to start developing relationships with members of our staff that I otherwise might not have had much of an opportunity to get to know.

The organizing work takes time, effort, and energy, but trying to do what I can to help take better care of my colleagues has been well worth all of that. Here’s hoping that in 2021 we can reach a deal that helps make our workplace even better, stronger, and more equitable for all of us.

Publishing a story about Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup

I swear this is true: After I accepted my offer to work at The Ringer, but before I started, I told a friend that one thing I was excited about was that you had the chance to work on offbeat stuff here, in both the “kind of weird” and “not about the NBA” senses. That, I thought, might maybe open the door to me getting to write a story about a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw when I was a teenager about Stevie Nicks from Fleetwod Mac running a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant in Sedona, Arizona — a sketch that I wasn’t sure anyone else remembered, but that was stuck in my head forever.

That story ran on May 26.

A lot of people seemed to like it.

Accomplishing this goal was, as dumb as this might sound, a highlight of my year, and, honestly, a highlight of my career. I’d like to do some more stuff like this next year, time permitting; we’ll see. Whether or not I do, I got to do this. I’ll always have that.

[zigtheeortega]

day 24: loss | liam x mc (au)

title: disruption

pairing: liam x mc

@choicesfebruarychallenge | @bi-cookie ; @cxld-play

warnings: angst, smut, n*sfw, (18+)

word count: 5,764

song inspiration: if i ever feel better - phoenix

author’s note: first off, i’m not good at naming characters like at all, so elliott is just a placeholder bc i knew mc would look weird. second, i haven’t written an au choices fic yet, so i’m a lil nervous to post this! I’ve also never written liam before, much less smut for him, so i’m also nervous bc of that! this will probably be my only trr fic bc there are sooo many trr fics out there. lmao anyways, hope you enjoy this angsty smutty sad fic !

“We’re almost there, Elliott,” Bastien called to the backseat, startling her out of her sleep.

She rubbed her eyes and stretched, slipping her coat she’d been using as a blanket over her shoulders, zipping it up to her chin.

Lythikos had an intense frigidity to it, one that Elliott couldn’t forget. She only visited monthly for short periods of time, but the stinging sensation of the snow on her bare face never left her memory.

She checked her phone, her heart fluttering at the pseudonym that appeared on her phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey. I’m finishing up my last obligation, but I shouldn’t be longer than an hour.” His voice warmed her heart. It was the first time in weeks she’d heard it over the phone, not on television in a rehearsed speech. 

“Okay. I brought some of my work with me if that’s alright with you. I’d love your feedback,” Elliott smiled to herself, treasuring her lover’s genuine interest in her new profession.

“Of course,” she could hear him beam through the phone. “I love you.”

“I love you too. See you soon.”

He hung up, and she sighed. Sneaking around was getting so tiresome, but she’d do anything and everything for Liam.

After Elliott and her friends couldn’t locate Tariq, the wedding went on as scheduled. It took her months of hiding out in Cordonia with her best friends to get herself together. Hana stayed by her side consistently, consoling her until she figured out a game plan.

She thought she’d be able to find a solution and live out her fairytale, but she was too late. She’d never be able to fully have Liam like she wanted, but Madeleine offered her a compromise to keep everyone happy.

She’d brought it up to Elliott before everything went to shit, and Elliott rejected it. She saw being a ‘mistress’ as an insult, because she knew she could find a way out of the mess she was in.

Months later, Madeleine, Liam, and Elliott ran a tight ship with friends to keep the affair under wraps.

Elliott could only meet with Liam once a month, under the guise that he had important monthly meetings to attend at Olivia’s home. They could only meet for a weekend at best, and a few hours at worst.

They rarely contacted each other between their meetings. It was depressing, but necessary to keep them a secret. Liam had a burner phone, and Elliott had to save his number under an undetectable moniker. When they spoke, it was short and sweet, and they couldn’t use each other’s real names.

She flew to Cordonia monthly, usually having to go to great lengths to disguise herself from the paparazzi.

It was emotionally draining and everything leading up to the rendezvous was stressful and tense, but all worth it when she saw Liam’s face light up when he first saw her.

Bastien pulled into the driveway behind the castle, easing up next to a side entrance that Elliott was all too familiar with – she knew Olivia would be waiting behind the large door.

She fixed her wig, pulling her beanie over the top of it, and hid her purple-rimmed eyes behind huge square sunglasses.

“Olivia informed me that you can go to the door. I’ll bring your bags in later. There aren’t any paparazzi in sight, so you’ll be safe,” he smiled at her through the rearview mirror, a sympathetic look in his eyes.

“Thank you so much, Bastien. I could never repay you for what you’re doing for Liam and I,” she replied gratefully, apology laced through the tone in her voice.

“Anything you need, I’m here. Don’t feel guilty. The only time he’s happy is when he sees you, and I’d never get in the way of that.”

Her heart swelled at the thought. She waved to him, stepping out into the blizzard.

The door cracked open, and Elliott spotted the fiery hair before her expression.

“Come in, come in,” Olivia frowned at her messy disguise. “That wig’s a mess, Elliott. If you’re gonna opt for a cheap, frizzy wig, at least hide a pocket knife in it.”

Elliott shrugged, grinning at Olivia’s annoyance. “Why should I do that when I have my best friend here to protect me?”

Olivia scowled, a hint of a smile on her lips. “You’re lucky I’m your ally.” She turned on her heel and stalked down the hallway, leaving Elliott scurrying to catch up.

Elliott had gotten pretty familiar with the underground tunnels of Lythikos over the past year. Olivia secretly renovated an unused area to make an apartment-like cluster of rooms, so that Elliott could stay safely in the tunnels with everything she needed, and she wouldn’t be bothered by anyone.

It was an ingenious idea, and Elliott had no idea how to pay her back for her generosity. Honestly, Olivia probably did it to avoid controversy, like most every noble was doing. Elliott wasn’t sure if Olivia was doing it for the sake of Cordonia’s image or the sake of her friends’ sanity.

Olivia pulled out a skeleton key and unlocked the door, turning on the lights. “I added a more comfortable bed, some more decorations, and got Bastien to fully stock the fridge, so you can cook pretty much anything you want.”

She walked over to the living room area and pointed at the T.V. “I didn’t have to get a 60 inch flatscreen for you, but I know how much you love binging horror movies that I had to help scare you somehow.” She smirked, and pulled out a few drawers from the T.V. stand. “I ordered a hundred or so movies in case you get bored. I have no idea how long you’re gonna be here.”

Elliott shifted her weight, sighing. It was too painful to stay longer than a couple of days. “I was gonna leave on Sunday like I usually do –”

“How asinine. You’re taking a 9 hour flight on a Thursday night to get here by morning, and you take another 9 hour flight back on Sunday morning? You’re wearing yourself thin for no reason, Elliott,” she shook her head at Elliott, confusion lining her expression.

“Liam usually can’t spend more than 2 days at a time with me.”

“You have other friends in Cordonia, you know that right?” She narrowed her eyes at her, crossing her arms.

“After all that happened, I can’t show my face here. My reputation is tarnished, and even being seen here is a scandal waiting to happen. It gets riskier and riskier every time. I can’t risk any of my friend’s well-being for the sake of my secret relationship,” Elliott plopped onto the couch, defeated.

Remorse flashed through Olivia’s eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “None of this is your fault, Elliott. We know the truth.”

Elliott shook her head, a lump forming at the back of her throat. It didn’t matter that Justin and Adelaide were ousted as terrorists, and that Elliott’s friends were able to stop them from assassinating Liam and Madeleine. 

Tariq was never found, and King Constantine was killed before he could clear her name. No one would believe Bastien, and Penelope was too afraid to publicly admit her wrongdoing, so Elliott didn’t have enough evidence to be exonerated.

“Sometimes… I wish everything were different. Maybe if we’d split up and searched on our own… or if I tried a little harder…” She struggled, her throat burning, a sign of tears to come. She didn’t want to talk about this situation any more than she had to, which was every time she visited.

Her new life was pretty much an escape from the events of the past year, but she was forced to face her past trauma head on every time she stepped foot on Cordonian soil.

“Elliott…” Olivia trailed off, and reached towards her, but dropped her hand. “I’m sorry I brought it up. I guess I’m still seething over the whole ordeal. I’m pretty defensive since I know we’re right but no one else knows that.” She sat down, leaning back onto the couch, crossing her legs. “You shouldn’t feel like you’re risking our social standing or anything. All of us know exactly what we’re risking to help you and Liam, and we’re okay with it. You’re our…” She whispered the last word and Elliott couldn’t quite hear her.

“I’m your what?”

“...friend.” 

Elliott threw her arms around Olivia, relishing in the rare vulnerable moment. Olivia seldom showed her true feelings, but when she did, it was like watching a shooting star. It was beautiful, fleeting – a great memory nonetheless.

“Get off of me, you sap,” Olivia patted Elliott’s back with the tip of her fingers.

“Thank you for everything you’re doing. I seriously can’t thank you enough. If there’s ever anything I can do to repay you all, please tell me. I owe you a lifetime of favors.”

“Well, first, you can actually spend time with Hana, Drake, and Maxwell. They won’t shut up about you.” Olivia rolled her eyes.

“Deal. I never got to see Cordonia on my own time, so maybe you could give me a proper tour of Lythikos next time I’m here. You know, when I’m not banished to the cellar.” Elliott grinned.

Olivia laughed once, a delightful noise. “Sure, but you’ll need better snow gear. And take a self-defense class or two before you do so.”

Elliott quirked a brow at her friend, then shook her head. “I won’t even pretend to know what you have planned for me.”

Olivia stood up, and headed for the door. “You have no idea.” She opened it, and before leaving, she said, “Liam should be here soon. Let me know when he’s in the room so Bastien and I can keep watch.”

“Be careful, Liv.”

“Don’t call me that,” Olivia smirked, and closed the door.

----

Elliott spent the next hour working in her notebook, editing and rewriting paragraph after paragraph. An animated movie she’d seen a million times played in the background, prompting Elliott to hum along to her favorite song.

After another hour, she started to worry. She aimlessly flipped through the collection of DVD’s, not really paying attention to the titles.

Where’s Liam? She thought, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of her stomach.

After hour three, she read a little from a book she’d brought until her eyes started getting heavy.

She awoke to a sequence of 5 sharp raps on the door, followed by a pause, then 3 more.

Our secret knock, She thought. She shot up from the couch and ran to the door, happy tears already welling up on her bottom lids.

She fumbled with the lock, anticipation causing her to shakily rip open the door.

And there Liam stood, holding a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of champagne, and a neatly wrapped present. His perfectly tailored suit laid perfectly on his arms and torso, his muscles just barely concealed. He beamed, his eyes glistening as his eyes grazed over her face.

She grabbed him by the lapels, pulling him inside hastily. “Whoa,” he said, nearly losing balance.

Elliott blushed, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing his face close to hers. She pressed her lips softly on his, a picture perfect moment she snapshotted and tucked away in her favorite memories.

All of the anxiety she felt traveling in disguise melted away the moment she touched Liam.

“I missed you,” he murmured against her lips.

“I missed you more,” she breathed, snuggling into his neck.

After a sweet moment, she pulled back, and snatched the champagne from his hands. “What’re we celebrating, love?”

He grinned, and locked the door behind him. “It’s a momentous day, Elliott. It’s been a year to the day since we first met.”

Elliott looked at him lovingly, hugging the bottle to her chest. “A whole year?”

He nodded, setting the flowers and present on the table, and gathered Elliott in his arms, hugging her to his chest tightly. “A whole year. I know this situation isn’t ideal, but I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, Elliott.”

He used a finger to tilt her chin to him, and he pressed a soft kiss on her bottom lip. “You’re everything to me.”

“I love you so much, Liam.” She giggled, shaking her head. “From waitress to mistress. Same suffix, different job title.”

His smile wavered, and he exhaled a long breath, obviously uncomfortable with the joke she’d told. “I wish you’d stop putting yourself down like that. Marriage is just a title. Madeleine and I are just business partners. You’re my soulmate, Elliott.”

She pulled back, fiddling with the top of the champagne. “I know. I just wish we didn’t have to be so secretive.”

He gently took the bottle from my hands and popped it open. “I’ve still got local historians and lawyers on my payroll, and they’ve been extensively researching Cordonian laws. I don’t know if they’ll find anything, but I’m determined to keep looking. I don’t want to lose hope.”

Elliott pressed her mouth into a line, then quirked it to the side, processing everything he’d said. “I want to be hopeful that we’ll get out of this eventually, but I’d rather just enjoy the time I have with you, baby. Stress free.”

He poured them two glasses of champagne, and handed one to her. “Of course. My apologies.”

They sat at the kitchen table, and Elliott picked up the flowers, taking a deep whiff of the bouquet. “You really outdid yourself this time, Liam.” 

The cluster of sunflowers, lavender, and white roses contrasted beautifully, and smelled even better. “They reminded me of you, so I had to pick them up.”

“Along with a gift?” She lifted a brow, challenging him.

He sipped his champagne, trying to hide a smile. “I think you’ll like it. Open it.”

She ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a plain white box. She lifted the top off, revealing an assortment of toys on top of a lacy lingerie piece. Her cheeks heated, and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I love it,” Elliott said, nibbling at the skin on her lip.

Liam eyed her lips, a playful look in his eye. “I thought we could try something new this weekend.”

The blush on her cheeks stayed, despite her eagerness to get in bed. “I like the sound of that.”

She gulped down the rest of her champagne and snatched the lacy piece, running to the bedroom.

“Hey!” Liam called, about to stand from the table.

“I’m trying on the lingerie! Stay where you are! It’s a surprise!” She yelled through the closed door.

Elliott emerged after a few minutes, peeking her head out of the door. “You ready?”

“Beyond ready, my love.”

She stepped out, and Liam’s breath hitched in his throat. She could plainly see him shift his legs, desperately trying to conceal his bulge.

“You look… stunning. Absolutely gorgeous, Elliott,” he said, his mouth agape, eyes hungrily roaming across her body.

The strappy lace piece fit like a bikini. The bottom was closer to a g-string than a thong, and the crotch was cut out, making it for easier access. The lace was sheer, barely covering her nipples and folds. She should’ve felt sexy, but was more out of place than anything.

“This is so corny, Liam. You bought me something that you’re just going to strip off of me, and I look absolutely ridiculous in it,” She said, crossing her legs to cover the lack of cloth around her opening.

He stood from his chair and crossed the room to touch her. He laced his fingers through her hair and draped his other hand across the small of her back. He tilted her head back, kissing her neck and nipping gently at her exposed skin.

“You’re right. I want to rip this off of you, but I can’t even begin to describe to you how arousing this outfit is. You never have to wear something that you’re not comfortable in, but I assure you it’s a pleasurable experience on my end,” he breathed into her ear, tightening his grip around her waist.

“Oh fuck,” She whispered, his bulge rubbing against her, causing her to gasp in repsonse. “Please, let’s talk later, and fuck now. I need you now, Liam.”

“Say no more, beautiful.” He swept her up and brought her to the bedroom, slamming the door behind them with his foot.

He dropped her onto the bed, and shimmied off his coat jacket, hanging it on the back of the wall.

“You’re so adorable, Liam. In the midst of a heated moment, you still have the mind to hang your coat up carefully so that it doesn’t crease before fucking my brains out,” she giggled.

Liam scrunched his nose up in confusion. “I can be reckless.” He threw his coat on the ground, but after a few seconds of eye contact with Elliott, where she could tell how absolutely tormented he was, he snatched it by the lapels.

Elliott howled with laughter as Liam hung it up carefully, brushing off the dirt.

“You always manage to be right, Elliott,” he softly smiled, unbuttoning his top buttons slowly. “But I don’t mind.” His arms flexed as he rolled his sleeves up. “As long as you don’t mind that I’m a little reckless in private, that’s all that matters.”

Her heart raced as he left the room and returned with the box of toys. Although she’d committed Liam’s body and their sexual encounters to memory, she still found herself enthralled with him like it was the first time they met.

He sat on the bed next to Elliott’s lace-clad body, and tucked a hair behind her ear. “Are you okay with me trying some of the toys out on you? I want to make sure you’re completely comfortable with it before trying anything.”

She smiled, nodding. “Yes.”

He pulled a small handheld vibrator out of the box, just small enough to fit on a finger. “First things first, I want to taste you.”

Her lower stomach clenched and ached as he grabbed her thighs and pulled her to the edge of the bed, parting her legs. Before she could throw out a sexy quip, he had taken advantage of the crotchless design by plunging his tongue into her folds, stroking relentlessly.

She moaned and dug her hands into his hair, tugging at his dark strands. He in turn rumbled against her clit, sending shockwaves through her body.

“Liam, please,” she breathed, feeling his hand on her stomach, holding her bucking hips in place.

He knew exactly what she wanted; he always read her cues perfectly. He slid a finger into her, curling it the way Elliott loved. He moved his hand and tongue in unison, the similar paces bringing her close to the edge.

Just as she was about to release, he pulled away, slipping the vibrator on his fingers. “Is it alright if I try this out on you now?”

She nodded, her body eager for his touch. He massaged her clit slowly with his fingers, keeping in time with the laggard pace of his other fingers pumping in and out of her.

The strong vibration mixed with the pressure of his fingers sent Elliot into another world. Her eyes rolled back, and she focused on the image of Liam’s naked physique, his head between her legs… 

Before she knew it, her legs were shaking. Liam kissed her softly, and reached into the box again, but she placed a hand on his wrist lightly. “We have all weekend to play with them. I need you in me now.”

His pupils dilated even further, and he nodded, standing up to slip off his clothes. Although she’d seen him bare numerous times, it never failed to amaze her that the man whose heart belonged to her was so breathtaking. His body looked as it was crafted by the gods themselves, chiseled to perfection, undoubtedly due to his strict fitness and diet regimen.

He grabbed a condom from the box of toys, but before he could tear it open, she stopped him. “Could we… go without one this time? I’m on birth control.”

She wanted so desperately to tell him the whole truth, but she decided she’d wait until the time was right. It would sound like an irrational decision to him, but she had thought it out nearly every day since she left Cordonia for the first time.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, but… I’ll pull out. Just in case.” He looked unsure, but lowered himself onto the bed next to her anyways.

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I just thought,” she shook her head. “Nevermind.”

“No, please continue. Don’t ever feel like you can’t be honest with me, Elliott.” He touched her cheek softly.

“The only time we had sex without protection was our first time in the garden, remember?” She smiled softly, reminiscing.

“Of course I remember, my love. It’s one of my favorite times that we’ve been together.”

“Oh, so you’re ranking them now?” She smirked.

“Definitely not. Every time is special, but that one was even more special to me.”

“I was thinking we could kind of recreate the night.”

His eyes twinkled, full of love for the woman he could never fully give himself to. It was depressing, but Elliott pushed those thoughts behind her horniness and flipped on top of him.

“I love when you take charge, El,” he said, his voice verging on a growl.

“You’ve never used that nickname. What gives?” She tried joking, but his bare shaft pressed between her legs was distracting to say the least.

“I don’t know, I thought it was cute,” he shrugged. “I won’t call you that if you don’t like it.”

“No, I love it,” she breathed, and began grinding her hips against his. His grip on her hips tightened, and she leaned forward, kissing him deeply.

He grabbed his dick and rubbed his tip against her opening, teasing her. “You’re a tease.”

He pressed his hips upwards, entering her. Her body shuddered with pleasure as her walls adjusted to his size.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he groaned, as her hips moved lazily against his.

“It’s so weird hearing you curse, King Liam,” she whispered in his ear, kissing his neck.

His fingers dug into the flesh of her hips. “I’ve never been aroused by a title before, but I have to say that ‘King Liam’ sounds delectable coming from your lips.”

He moved his hands to grip underneath her ass, lifting and lowering her the length of his shaft. She mewled in response, her legs tightening their grip around his middle. “I’ll call you whatever you want as long as you speed it up,” she purred.

He picked up the pace, deepening his thrusts. All of her worries of the future were a fading blip, her sole focus on pleasuring and being pleasured by Liam.

Before she knew it, he’d flipped her, raised her hips, and pounded into her from behind. “Oh,” she cried, her guttural moan muffled by the thick down pillow.

He sped up, his skin smacking against hers relentlessly, the sounds of ecstasy filling the room. She turned back to gaze at him through half lidded eyes, and was met with Liam’s sultry concentrating face. She’d seen it many times before, when discussing security issues with Bastien, but never in this context. 

She felt herself getting wetter and wetter at the sight of him getting off inside of her. She was the one pleasuring him behind the scenes. She was the one exploring parts of him the public would never see, much less Madeleine. She got to see a side of Liam that not a single soul would ever experience. It gave Elliott a new sense of security, despite the harrowing situation they were in.

He reached into the box again and grabbed a handheld vibrator she hadn’t seen before. “I’m close, my love, and I want to make sure you’re there with me,” he panted, before switching it on.

He tried handing it to her, but instead, she guided his hand between her legs. “Oh fuck, El,” he cursed, sweat trickling down his clean shaven chest.

He leaned over her, keeping his fast pace, and placed the quivering toy between her folds. She arched her back in response, pushing herself further into the pillow.

The sensation of the vibrator mixed with getting fucked brought her to the edge quickly, and she released, her body convulsing beneath Liam’s. She shrieked his name, clutching the sheets. “Oh, Liam, fuck.”

He quickly followed her, his pace becoming more jerky as he came with her. “Fuck, I love you, Elliott,” he shouted. The deep commanding bass of his voice reverberated off the stone walls.

When they could finally move, Liam plopped next to her, spooning her while peppering soft kisses across her neck and shoulders.

She couldn’t have imagined herself anywhere else in that moment but Liam’s arms.

----

After they cleaned up, Elliott threw on a robe and flopped onto the couch, turning on the TV to browse through channels.

He sat next to her shortly after, clad with sweats and a plain t-shirt. “This might be a terrible time, but we need to discuss something rather difficult.”

“That phrasing definitely scares me, but go ahead,” she joked, turning the TV off.

“We’re being pressured to pursue producing an heir,” Liam shook his head, pain and regret dripping off of his every syllable.

“Wh… What?” She forced out. Her knees wobbled, the air knocked out of her lungs. She knew it was coming, but not this soon after the wedding.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his hands balled into fists at his side.

“Why? You just got married! I thought we’d have a couple years at least!” she said, her voice hiking up an octave.

“With Constantine passing away and the terrorist attacks, there’s still some uneasiness within the people and nobles. They’re not sure that we’re still stable as a country. It’s more for the benefit of our image than anything. Trust me, I’ve held off as long as I could.” He couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Are you going to have to fuck her?” Elliott’s voice quivered, her breath unsteady. She didn’t know if she was ready for the answer.

His eyes widened. “No, Elliott, I would never. We don’t have feelings for each other like that. The public doesn’t need to know that we’re not having intercourse.”

Elliott’s chest loosened a bit, but she was still cautious as she waited for him to continue. “We’re either opting for adoption, or artificial insemination. There’s not a fertility issue with either of us, but we’re both not capable of sex with each other. It just can’t happen.” He held her gaze, pleading with her to understand.

“I–I can’t continue this if you’re going to have a child with her, Liam. I’d be a homewrecker. I can’t let you be that kind of dad to your kid,” Elliott shook her head, tears freely falling.

His jaw dropped, and he staggered back. “Elliott, my love, I–”

“I know you love me, and I know that I love you. I know that life is going to be so fucking hard without each other, but I can’t do this to your future kid,” she sobbed, sinking into the couch. “You and Madeleine may have consented to our relationship, but your child didn’t sign up for this. Imagine if they found out about us? He’d think so little of you. I can’t have that.”

Her shoulders shook, her breath heaving in and out of her lungs shakily. She was experiencing a loss like she’d never felt before. She could stay with the love of her life in order to satiate her desire to be with him, but at the expense of horrendous guilt, knowing she could possibly break a family up and warp Liam’s future child’s perception of him.

If they stayed together, and the public found out about them, he’d be painted as the bad guy, even though Madeleine encouraged the affair. She’d throw him to the wolves, and he’d be absolutely obliterated by the press.

There wasn’t a winning solution to this problem. They were going to have to do what was best for everyone else, instead of what they truly wanted.

“I’m so sorry, Liam, but I can’t do this. I love you, but I can’t do this anymore,” she repeated and the excruciating pain in her chest continued.

“Elliott, we can figure it out, I know we can–”

“We can’t, Liam! This is it! This is the last time you’re going to see me!” She shouted, her voice trembling and unstable.

“We can still be friends,” he said softly, kneeling next to her trembling form on the couch. “I still want you in my life no matter what, Elliott.”

Anger flashed through her disjointed train of thought. Before she could gather them together, she unleashed her momentary rage on him.

“You’re really that selfish, Liam? You’re that fucking selfish that you could want to maintain the picture perfect life and get everything you could ever want, while keeping me on a short leash? To be there for you emotionally, physically, sexually, but I get nothing in return?” She stood up, pushing an accusatory finger into his exposed chest.

“I have to work under a pen name because of everything that happened. You can’t even Google my government name without reading about how much of a whore I am. I risked my whole life and career to be with you, and you didn’t have the decency to publicly defend me. You just sided with everyone else except for the woman you supposedly ‘love’,” Elliott continued, pushing a tormented Liam closer and closer to the door.

“I have to fly back home when you’re done with me and leave all of my closest friends. This is my real home. I have people who love me and care for me here. I fell in love with Cordonia, its people, and you. But I’m pretty much a prisoner in a dungeon every time I come over,” she rolled her eyes, refusing to shut her mouth and let Liam speak. “All for sex. All for a quick fuck and less than 48 hours of your time before I’m shuttled off back to the cold, heartless city of New York.”

Liam opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Elliott suddenly cackled, cutting off any attempt of him speaking.

“I forgot to tell you that I landed a book deal with a huge publishing company in the city. They want a few novels out of me. They loved my first rough draft of my book so much that they offered me a multi-book deal,” she smiled, shaking her head.

“That’s incredible, baby–”

“I was excited to tell you and instead all I can think about is how by the time I get my first book printed and released, you’ll have a kid. A family,” Elliott walked away from Liam, and sat at the kitchen table, taking a long swig from the champagne bottle.

After a long moment of silence between them, Liam finally spoke. “I know it seems like the universe is fighting us tooth and nail. I know that this situation is the worst we could be in. But Elliott,” he sat down across from her and lifted her chin up with his finger, “You’re the only woman I’ll ever love, and I won’t give up on this unless you tell me to leave you alone.”

“You know I don’t want to tell you to leave me alone. That’s the last fucking thing I want to do, but that’s how it has to be. You’re being selfish right now, Liam. You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes. This whole situation was selfish, but I guess it was okay since Madeleine okay-ed it,” she took another deep drink from the bottle. “But your child is completely innocent. They don’t deserve to be caught up in your selfish decisions.”

He flinched, and his form deflated. “I think… you might be right, El.” He leaned back in his chair, his eyes glistening. “I guess it was absurd to think this affair would last forever.”

She smiled sadly. “It was fun while it lasted.”

“I’ll always love you, El. I’ve always been truthful about that. You’re the only woman I’ll ever love.”

She leaned forward to cup his face in her palm. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love you, Liam.” She took another gulp of the alcohol. “I guess now that you’re confessing, I’ll have to confess, too.”

His brows furrowed as he waited for her to continue.

“I have an appointment with my OBGYN next week. I’ve always wanted one, but I’ve been seriously contemplating a hysterectomy for months now. Since you married Madeleine, really.”

“What? Why?” His eyes widened in surprise.

“I can’t see myself with children, but I can with you. You’re the only man I could ever picture having children with,” her eyes filled with tears. “It’s not a punishment to myself. I just know in my heart I’ll never want children again.”

His eyes brimmed with tears threatening to spill. “I’m so sorry, Elliott.”

Her chin wobbled as the truth of the situation finally set in. She was no longer his, and he was no longer hers. The crown disrupted the fate of the lovers, and there was no amendment.

----

[alitheamateur]

The Grind-Chapter 5

Warnings: Language. Mentions of nudity.

A/N: First of all, I’d like to extend a bear hug to the ones who are showing any love at all to this piece!!!! I can't begin to express my gratitude. And secondly, I know to some, the plot may be bit slow right now, but HOLD ON! I can assure you, there is LOADS TO COME, so buckle up, buttercups.

The Grind-Chapter 5

I had to make a visit to Danny Mendez’s training spot for article research that morning, per Ryan’s demands.  Colton had playfully teased me, suggesting I run his opponent over with the car, or slip him something to ensure he’d fail the pre-fight drug test, to give him the guaranteed upper hand on Danny. I had originally intended for the piece to be strictly centered around the life, and journey of Pittsburgh’s silent underdog, Colton. However, my nagging objections hadn’t convinced Ryan, and he’d instructed me that the piece would be better received by the public if I covered both competitors. Although I had never worked directly with Mendez, word around the office from coworkers who had sat down with him in the past, was that he was quite the bombastic pig. Oh, lovely. As if having to appear completely unbiased wasn’t already going to be enough struggle, now I’d have to spend my entire morning penning notes as he stroked his own roaring ego.

I checked the given address Danny’s trainer had emailed me, taken aback with surprise when I wheeled into the parking lot. It was a far cry from the gritty, seedy vibe at Mac’s gym. I glided through the automatic doors of the tawdry, two level complex and was greeted by a clearly well-trained receptionist.

“Hi, uh… I’m Liv Elliot with the Pitt Pilot. I have a meeting this morning with Danny Mendez.”

She escorted  into the glass box of the elevator, where I kept any further communication with her to the bare minimum. The entire drive over I stewed and fretted over the dread of having to even look Mendez in the eyes.  My chest puffing with quite the prejudiced attitude, and a newly protective girlfriend instinct kicking in. I withheld an airy squeak at the thought “girlfriend.” Until this instant, I prided myself in the stern, professional ethic I displayed in all aspects of my work life. But now, I was struggling to sort through, and control all the newfound feelings that Colton had provoked in me as of late. The ding of arrival sounded when we had reached the second floor, opening to reveal a painfully illuminated gym facility. Treadmills, and weight benches, and therapy bikes, oh my.

“Mr. Mendez is right over there, Miss Elliott. He’s expecting you.” She pointed her manicured finger to the left toward a huddle of men.

I readied the recorder on my cell, and boldly marched in their direction, the subtle clack of my black pumps announcing my approach. He was waylaying into a battered speedbag, but turned his smug face to me without ceasing his blows, obviously in shameless effort to impress me. Danny had countless tattoos much like Colton, but his height towered over me at least double the distance his challenger did. He was a very large man, however not quite as amply defined.

“Afternoon, Olivia. Come to get the word from the real champ for your story?”

He indeed impressed me alright. With only a handful of words he had already tempted me with lacing his open water bottle with a certain substance that could easily disqualify him from stepping into the ring with Colton.

“Actually, it’s just Liv, Mr. Mendez. How are you?”

One of his pathetic goons promptly handed him a towel to wipe the sweat from his slick, hairless head, and I tagged along on his heels to find a seat next to the empty caged octagon.

“Is this where you train for every fight, Danny? I know most fighters tend to find one gym they favor and stick to it.”  

“it is, yes. I own the place, in fact. None of the shit hole facilities in the city had the right feel for me. So, I took it upon myself to build this one. I’m a firm believer in doing something yourself if you want it done right, Miss Elliott.”

My eyes may have rolled instinctively in obvious hatred for the guy. I wanted to get what I needed as soon as possible and bid riddance to this prick.

“I was just about to hop in the cage with my grappling partner, you mind? You can pass the word to that amateur asshole Ritter about what he’s got comin’ to him next weekend, huh?”

To say I wanted to rattle the stupid, snide smile right off his bearded face would be an amplified understatement.

“Please! Don’t let me stop you. I’m here to see what a day in the life of the champ is like, right?”

He chuckled at my statement, dumbly oblivious that it was intended as 100% sarcasm.

I wasn’t at all pleasantly surprised at what happened in the half hour I had spent there. He was indeed the middleweight champion, and I learned very quickly why. He, in my opinion, wasn’t what I would call more talented than Colton on any level, but he definitely wasn’t the scrub I ignorantly assumed he would be either. Unlike the utter animalistic indignation Colton displayed in the cage, Danny was so poised and light on his feet. His expression was focused, yet calm. I noticed instantly he was the type of fighter who paced himself for the duration of rounds, making sure he kept his breaths as even as possible, analyzing every move he made, and why. I wouldn’t say that I left the gym with doubts that Colton could come out on top. However, I feared the victory wouldn’t come served to him on a silver platter as I’d hoped. Mendez unquestionably proved every bit of gossip that insinuated he was a dreadful human being. Unfortunately though, he wasn’t the slouch I needed him to be on the mat.

I went back to my quaint cubical at the Pilot to compile the very limited, nearly useless comments Danny had given me for the spread, but my protesting mind had other plans. Colton had yet to reach out on the report he had gotten from the doctor, and there was no chance of me focusing on anything aside from him. I promised to him I wouldn’t pry, so texting him was a no-go. But, he did tell me that anything going on with him, was indeed my business as well? My over-worked, over analytical brain had nearly reached over-heating, when a gentle buzz rattled my tiny metal desk.

Message from: Colton

How soon can you make it over to Mac’s?

It was almost as if I had willed the text into existence. I raised the rose gold watch on my wrist into view, 1:57 p.m. Getting an early start this morning with the commute to Danny’s gym, meant I would be able to add drive time onto my hours for the day. Sure, I’d still be shy roughly an hour shy from a full days work, but Ryan would understand if I explained that one of the competitors from the match I was covering may be facing a detrimental injury, and he would shoo me to catch the happenings. I hoisted my black, alligator skinned satchel over my shoulder, laptop in tow, and trudged impatiently downstairs to the parking garage.

The short drive to the gym, I couldn’t seem to still my tapping fingers on the peeling steering wheel of my silver SUV. I tried to occupy myself with the radio in attempt to build a blockade from the piling thoughts racking my mind, but it was entirely useless. He knew I was working, why had he needed me at Mac’s? Was the hand injury worse than both of us imagined? Had the doctor advised him to bow out gracefully from the fight against Mendez? My tripping mind, and the fussing over a doomed lost of hypothesis nearly teleported me to Mac’s before I even knew where I was.

I pushed through the double doors of the building, and slowed to a more casual pace giving off the illusion that I wasn’t an eager, panicky mess. Colton was easing his half naked body into a scuffed silver tub resembling that of a horse troth like Mrs. Bishop, the widow down the street from my childhood home in Westfield, had transformed into a flower bed. There was a vicious wince spread wide on his lips as he lowered to be seated, and my eyebrows upturned in evident concern.

“Hey doc, mind comin’ over for a second?” He motioned the salty-haired man over to where I now stood at his side, petting back his combed over hair.

When I had gotten a closer look, I realized the painful twitches of his face where thankfully caused by the rigid ice bath he sat in, the cold therapy submersion aided in the healing of his exhausted muscles.

“Dr. Cooper, this is Liv. The pain in my ass who insisted I let ya’ take a good look at my hand here. Would you please tell her what we talked about earlier? I know she’s too hard-headed to believe it outta my mouth.” The smart-elic tone of his voice generally would’ve set me off, but the way he intertwined his fingers through mine when he spoke to the doctor was his saving grace for the moment.

“Pleasure to meet you, Miss. As Colton said, I did take a good look at the hand earlier this morning. I took an x-ray, revealing no broken bones, which is obvious good news. And after observing him in the ring a bit, it seems Mr. Ritter does have some severe inflammation going on. However, with a series of cortisone shots, I don’t see any reason why he shouldn’t proceed with the fight.”

My eyes met Colton’s with a nod of relief, happy for the weight of worry to be finally lifted from my chest. “Thank you so much for the explanation, Doctor. And thanks for taking such good care of this one.”  

Dr. Cooper returned to the conversation he was previously having with one of the other fighters Mac was working with, leaving Colton and I to ourselves. I retrieved the large towel he’d laid to the floor in close proximity to his bath, handing it to him, but yanking it back swiftly before he could pry it completely from my hands, “Well, well. Looks like now that we know your hand is fine, you’ll have to come up with another excuse when you lose to Mendez.”

A wide, wicked smirk danced over his handsome face, and with one instantaneous motion, I was plunged into the subzero pool of ice. The fitted material of my wool pencil skirt now clung tighter to my figure, and the collar of my blouse now heavy from saturation.

“Oh God, I didn’t mean to pull you so hard. Guess I don’t know my own strength, baby. Sorry...” His shoulders shrugged mimicking innocence in the matter of my now trembling appendages, as he patted dry his own wet chest.

“I probably had that one comin’, huh.” I reasoned.

He guided me to the locker room, offering up a change of some spare sweats that obviously swallowed me from his cubby, and he wrapped his arm over my shoulders as we shivered into the nighttime streets back to my place.

 I was dangerously teetering on what I swore was frost bite after travelling the 11 blocks to my place, so my now extremely apologetic boyfriend had taken it upon himself to run me a scalding bath. I stripped off the damp cotton leaving a trail of articles from the living room to the bathroom plopping onto the floor, in urgent effort to dive into the water as quickly as possible. Sadly, the bathtub in my miniscule home wasn’t nearly large enough to fit the both of us, so Colt had dropped his clothes in the dryer then situated himself in the floor near the tub, propping his back against the wall to keep me company while I attempted to regain feeling in my toes. 

“How’d it go with Mendez today?” Colton asked pulling off the unraveling toboggan from his head.

“Oh, he’s just a modern day, prince charming, that one. Let me tell ya’.” He widened his eyes in agreement, no words needed to express his agreeance.

He’d given me the run down from everything else with Dr. Cooper this morning, and reenacted the “crunch time” sermon Mac religiously gave him when the closeness of fight night approached.

“So, your parents… Will they be coming next Saturday?”

We had limited conversations about our families up until this point, but one thing he had told me, were his parents, Michael and Beth, were his biggest supporters. Granted, his mother had definitely resisted the idea when she discovered he had taken such a violent career interest, making him promise to “use his head, and hang it up” if things ever got too rough for him on the mat.

“Yeah, they’ll be here on Thursday dad said. I wanted to talk to you about that…” I boosted up out of the now cooling water, my full attention on him. “I’m supposed to meet ‘em for dinner, and uh, I’d like you t’ come. Unless you think it’s too soon, then I totally understand.” The antsy man kept his eyes on the sage colored shag of a rug he was seated on, pulling nervously on some strands of the soft material.

I reflected back on a remark he’d made about his mom in a talk we had regarding her bout with cancer, and now 6th year in remission, where he’d said he wished he was half the warrior she was. And then, informed me that he had never actually taken any girl home previously because there were none he considered worthy of his mother’s company.  The sudden realization that apparently, I was deemed “worthy” had me buzzing with pleasure, my head swimming with overwhelming delight. Was this what the blindsiding smack of love felt like?

“If you want me there, then I’d love to. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to invite me, Colt.”

He leaned his arm into the tub to clutch my bubble covered hand. “Liv, do I seem like the type of guy who feels like he has to do anything? Let’s be real here, girl. You ‘n I both know, I only do things I want to do, that’s just the type ‘a guy I am.”

Boy, did I know that. He hadn’t been shy about his bull-headed tendencies in the passing months we’d spent getting to know each other, and who was I to belittle him for the very same attribute I carried myself. Cupping his check in sheer admiration, I accepted. “Name the time & place, mister! I’ll be there.”

Lifting me from the bath, he tucked my now very toasty skin into bed, insisting that if he stayed over, there’s no way he’d let me get any sleep so he should head home. A lingering peck to my lips, followed by the same to my nose then forehead, topped off with a playful “noogie” to the crown of my head, Colton Ritter had smothered the urge to say, that no matter the resistance he had tried to muster up, he was in fact unequivocally falling in love with me.  Rather than unveiling those very sentiments, he secured the door to my now dark apartment, doubling back to check to lock, spatting murmurs of regret as he walked to his tired old Chevy truck, wishing he wasn’t going home to a bed without me in it. 

TAGLIST: @torialeysha @eap1935

[newagesispage]

                                                          FEBRUARY           2019

 PAGE  RIB

***** I am over the moon at the suggestion of a biopic of Dave Letterman starring Michael Shannon. Will somebody think about really putting this into production??? Please??

***** Criminal Minds will wrap it up after this next and 15th season. The season 14 finale on Feb.6 will have Rossi’s wedding. They will spend the last season chasing after ‘a worthy adversary’ rumored to be played by Harold Perrineau as they jump ahead in time.

***** I am so touched by shows like Grace and Frankie and Schitt’s Creek that look right past the usually discussed issues for interracial and same sex couples .  Gee, just think, it’s like we are all the same.

***** If you haven’t seen Michael Bennet and his senate floor speech about Ted Cruz, government shutdowns and Trump, run to C-span and catch it. These things make me proud to be in a DEMOCRACY!

***** Can this be true?? The constitution of Texas states that one can’t hold public office unless they believe in a supreme being??

***** Julian Castro is running for President.

***** Kamala Harris is running for President.

***** Cory Booker is running for President.

***** HGTV is apparently working on a huge publicity stunt and ratings grabber. They have purchased the home whose exterior was used in the Brady Bunch. A show will reunite the cast, bring in some famous fane and remodel the inside to look like the Brady set. At the end they may give the house away.

***** Michael Shannon and Audra McDonald will team up to revive Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune on Broadway.

***** Rashida Jones and Bill Murray will star in Sofia Coppola’s’ On the Rocks.’

***** Why isn’t extreme ironing a bigger sport by now??** And can we make Petanque a bigger thing while we’re at it?

***** Craig Ferguson is selling his LA compound.

***** China has landed on the far side of the moon!!!

***** NASA’s New Horizons has went further than anyone has gone before for our first image of Ultima Thule.

***** Kentucky has introduced a bill to ban abortion in the state.

***** Told to a reporter: “It’s your job to speak truthfully and precisely, not mine.” –Kellyanne Conway** The new book, Team of Vipers, suggests that The Conways are working in concert.  It is thought that she is valuable to Trump because she has no qualms about saying anything.

***** Super bowl LIII will host Maroon 5, Travis Scott and Big Boi. They will have no pre- concert interview. It is said that many artists turned down the gig because of the controversy. Maroon 5 has gotten some shit for performing but they caution us to just watch.** Roger Waters has asked Maroon 5 to take a knee during the show.

***** Natasha Lyonne is getting raves for her new show, Russian Doll.

***** Tom Sizemore was arrested for drug possession.

***** 6 NFL coaches were fired in one week!!!

***** Pentagon chief of staff, rear admiral Kevin Sweeney is out.

***** Rod Rosenstein is on the way out.

***** Jaymo’s, a Peoria company is suing Wendy’s over the use of their S’Awesome sauce.

***** We should enact the stop the stupidity act.

***** Why does it seem every other show on the air is sort of an entire season of a Twilight Zone episode?

***** There are more people in the Kremlin than in Washington who know what Trump said to Putin. – Tom Nichols

***** Members of congress can retire at full pay after 1 term. Children of congress members don’t have to pay back student loans. Is that true?? Can this be right??

***** Dupont is laying off workers.

***** Check out love your brain.com.

***** The Golden Globes were held and were hosted by Andy Samberg and Sandra Oh.  My best dressed was Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Moss. Danai Gurira, Julia Roberts, Carol Burnett, Emily Blunt, Lupita Nyong’o, Patricia Clarkson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jameela Jamil, Rosamund Pike, Jim Carrey, Alison Brie, Gemma Chan and Bradley Cooper. Worst dressed goes to Rachel Weisz, Julianne Moore, Layra Dern, Anne Hathaway, Maya Rudolph, Rami Mlek, Molly Sims and Heidi Klum. I was so happy for winners like The Americans (highlight of the evening!!!), Regina King, Lady Gaga, Mahershala Ali, Patricia Clarkson, Darren Criss, Bohemian Rhapsody, Rami Malek, Olivia Colman and Green Book.  The Cecil B. DeMille award went to Jeff Bridges. The new Carol Burnett award started off with Carol herself. I was saddened that Bill Hader, Henry Winkler, Kieran Culkin, Keri Russell and Sacha Baron Cohen went home empty handed. The Fiji water girl got most of the press and gave much free advertising to her product.  Some of the stars did not like her getting in their shots to push a product without their knowledge, both a clever and sad state of affairs.

***** The Kominsky Method will be back for season 2.

***** The Sag awards had their big night and gave the lifetime achievement to Alan Alda. Winners included Emily Blunt, Darren Criss, Black Panther, Rami Malek and Glenn Close. I was especially thrilled with some love goingto Jason Bateman and Patricia Arquette. Best dressed were Amy Adams, Yara Shahidi, Brian Tyree Henry, Sydelle Noel, Eddie Griffin, Holly Taylor, Sofia Hubitz, Emma Stone, Emily Blunt, Darren Criss, Laverne Cox, Timothee Chalamet, Robin Wright, Lily Tomlin, Chadwick Boseman, Matthew Rhys, Keri Russell, and Catherine Zeta Jones. The WTF award goes to Alison Brie.

***** The Oscar race is on. Best picture could go to Blank Panther, Blackkklansman, Roma, The Favourite, Green Book, Vice, Bohemian Rhapsody and A Star is born. Black Panther also got some love for music and costume design.  Fingers crossed for Isle of Dogs in the animated category. Actor nods had a few surprises. Willem Dafoe and Rami Malek , Lady Gaga and Melissa McCarthy are up for leads and supporting mentions are for Mahershala Ali, Regina King, Adam Driver and Sam Elliott. I am so hopeful for Spike Lee and I want to hear that speech.

***** If you haven’t seen Trigger Warning with Killer Mike, you gotta check it out. He and Sarah Silverman should go on a tour of teaching acceptance for their fellow man.

***** So.. Fox news said that Ruth Bader Ginsberg was dead??

***** In sexual harassment news: Harvey Weinstein is hiring new lawyers.** Les Moonves is seeking arbitration with CBS.

***** Cher has sold her Beverly Hills cottage.

***** Cindy Crawford and Randy Gerber’s daughter, Presley was arrested for DUI.

***** CBS news has named its first female President, Susan Zirinsky.

***** What is happening to the butterflies?

***** Illinois has refused a concert permit to R Kelly and Sony has dropped him. The pressure is finally starting to pay off??

***** Get ready for biopics about Harriet Tubman, Elton John and Ted Bundy.

*****  NY mayor Bill De Blasio has given healthcare to every resident of NY city.

***** 25% of Russians do not have indoor toilets. Putin and his buddies have about $1trillion tucked away from London to Miami.

***** Days alert: I wonder if Leo’s real name ‘Matthew Cooper’ is a nod to out actor Chad Allen from Dr. Quinn??!! It is also fun to see Judith Chapman take on the role of Leo’s Mama, Diana. The pair played Mother and son previously on The Young and the Restless. Is she really Diana Colville from John’s past??** So Stefan has been played by Tyler Christopher who asked for some time off and a sub was put in place who will take over in March. Since Christopher left, he has since decided that he will leave permanently so things are up in the air. Will Stefan and Gabi hook up? Days has been renewed for season 55. HOORAY!!!! Ratings are up 4%. **Loved the line when Chloe told Rex he should wear a cup. **Leo and Xander’s playful “lust” was so sassy!!

***** Happy Valentine’s Day!

***** Steve Buscemi will play God on tv’s Miracle Workers.

***** So, the new Conan format has ups and downs. I miss the band and the desk but I am Loving the fade in and fade out at commercials. I have always hated the, “We’ll be right back “ nonsense. I was sad to lose a half hour at first but Conan and Andy do seem refreshed.

***** Still waiting for the release of Apple Seed which is written, directed and starring Michael Worth. It is one of the final films of Rance Howard who stars with his son, Clint, Adrienne Barbeau and the other Father and son team of Robby and Zephyr Benson.

***** The January Bob Segar concert in Illinois at the Peoria Civic Center is the top selling concert ever at this venue. Old rock acts take note.

***** Bob Costas is out at NBC after 40 years.

***** Trial and Error has been cancelled. BOO!!!

***** Steve Carell will star in Space Force which he is co-creating with The Office showrunner Greg Daniels.

***** Despite some people I admire that are giving Alexandria Ocasio Cortez a talking to like she’s a child, I say ‘Give ‘em Hell!’  She could well be President so fight girl!!

***** Word is that Karen Pence is now teaching at the Immanuel School in Virginia. The school refuses admission to students who participate in or condone homosexual activity. The application for the school states that misconduct includes heterosexual activity outside of marriage, homosexual activity, polygamy, transgender identity and use of pornographic websites. The application goes on to state that ‘a wife must submit to her husband’ and a pledge must be signed to that effect.

***** There is controversy over the bill to give people a day off for Election Day. Many people will still have to work, the country never completely shuts down. How many fucking times do I have to say it: VOTE BY MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!

***** So, Scary clown told us Mexico would pay for ‘the wall’. During the campaign he gave actual ideas for that like Mexico giving us a one time payout or else he would not allow Mexican immigrants to western union money back to Mexico. Another idea was that there would be a great ta on that Western union money. It does not seem like they tried any of that and just decided we would pay for the stupid ‘wall.’ How about the money he makes off Trump merch which his website and hotels still sell to pay for it?? How about the $35 million that Trump sold in real estate in 2018? The ‘Wall’ go fund me did not reach its $1billion goal so the $20 million they did collect is being offered for refunds. Some of those people still want that money to go for its purpose so Trump is creating a non- profit. Can’t we use that money to help the border patrol agents and get the backlog in immigration court moving?? That we are still talking about this ridiculous wall and that it had a go fund me page is enough to boggle the normal brain.** I think Kimmel said it best when he suggested that Trump just tell the red hats that the wall has been built.  They believe everything he says so why wouldn’t they believe that??  It would save the country a lot of headaches. ** What the Hell is with his new “wheels and walls” mantra??** Russia caused Brexit too? Putin is a menace.** Another sink hole appeared the White House. WTF?

***** The congressional budget office says the shut down cost the U.S. 11 billion

***** Trump is talking to Herman Cain about a job on the Federal Reserve Board.

***** The GOP is selling fake bricks that cost about 50 cents for $20 each to send to Senate Dems. Some have said that the Dems should sign them and sell them and give the money to government workers. ** Why are Russian jets fucking around on the North American coastline??

***** Roger Stone has been indicted on 5 counts of false statements, 1 count of obstruction and 1 count of witness tampering. The FBI officers who arrested him were part of the shut down and they still did their job!!  He publically and privately claimed to have communicated with Russia. Predictions are that many more indictments are coming down the pike that involve many familiar faces.** Roger Stone has a Nixon tattoo on his back. I feel sorry for his cell mate.-Bill Maher

***** Bill Maher got some flak for comments after Stan Lee died. He wasn’t slamming Lee, but wondered about comic book fans putting away childish things. I suppose that could include weed but point taken.

***** Jared Kushner along with 30 other White House staff was denied top secret clearance but Trump advisor Carl Kline overruled that decision and gave it to them anyway. This has never been done before, this is a job for intelligent agencies.

***** Empire star Jussie Smollett was attacked in Chicago in what cops are saying was a possible hate crime. The attackers were yelling that this was MAGA country, poured bleach on him and put a rope around his neck.  The actor was previously sent a letter full of homophobic and racist slurs which he FBI had been looking into.

***** Ellen page gave us some memorable, powerful words to chew on with her appearance on Stephen Colbert. I am sure she gave courage to many who suffer because of our hate filled administration.

***** Gwyneth Paltrow is being sued from a 2016 ski incident for 3 mil.

***** I gain more and more respect for Seth Meyers. I did not really understand the choice of him as host in the beginning. His notice of local stations, choice of guests and revolving drummers makes for a great show.

***** A Dutch company may have invented a small device that converts heat into cold and Forbes is saying, ‘it could save the planet.’

***** So looking forward to Ryan Murphy’s The Politician which will star Jessica Lange, Gwyneth Paltrow and January Jones.

***** I know that is has happened little by little and we go thru times in our history when things get worse and then things get better but… When did this country get so fucking corrupt?? I mean seriously.. Why is Brendan Dassey still in prison and why is there no real justice for Teresa Halbach? ** Why is Trump still in the White House?**Why are government workers being told to work for nothing?? Why is R Kelly still living it up?? Why are some states going backward in time when it comes to women’s health?? Why do many corporations care more about their own pockets than the children of their employees or the environment around them??** Why does our justice system so often punish big for small infractions and allow the powerful to do anything they want?? **Why is a wall a better idea than infrastructure or warm beds for the homeless or food for our children and why are so many children in cages??

***** How can it be that we are still in a world where people are not allowed to reach their full potential?? Why do so many selfish humans actually fight to live in a world where they actively hold others back? Shouldn’t we all be concerned about the greater good?  We should all be allowed to see a Doctor when we are ill. We should all be able to excel in education if we choose .We should all be able to get a job to fit our skills and work ethic.  Opportunities and the pursuit of happiness should be available to all. Why is this so fucking hard for so many to grasp in this world? Imagine!

***** Sundance premiered the new flick, Big time adolescence with Griffin Gluck and Pete Davidson. Pete has since made no bones about filming in Syracuse. He hated it.

***** Jeff Flake will join CBS news as a contributor.

***** Tom Brokaw is in a bit of trouble for saying Hispanics should work harder at assimilation.

***** The Tom Hanks/ Matthew Rhys film, A beautiful day in the neighborhood has pushed back its release date to Nov. 22.

***** People are illogical and self- centered. Love them anyway. -Hedy Lemarr

*****R.I.P. Bob Einstein, Millie Wiesehan, victims of the Torrance. Ca. bowling alley shooting, Captain Darryl Dragon, Jo Andres, Lamin Sanneh, Carol Channing, Sandra Harmon, Bradley Bolke, the victims of Mediterranean shipwreck, Lorna Doom, victims of the Florida bank shooting, Kaye Ballard, Willie York , Barbara Claman , victims of the mining dam collapse in Brazil and James Frawley.

[cntcrtainmcnt-blog]

FCKIT:THEEND

Now on to the biggest one! Because I’m bringing all my muses to this verse since it’s my jam!! Personalities are the same, again, bios will be changed probably.

Ookkkk so, everything that happened during childhood/teenage years remains the same. Aka moved a lot and his parents left after he graduated highschool.

Same goes for his job, trained to become a cop and all.

As for alcoholism, it was definitely there. But once the virus broke out, it was like an instant cure for it. He wanted to keep everyone safe, and he obviously couldn’t do it while under the influence.

Anyway, he was already in Kola when it happened, so he helped build up the safe haven. He knows his way around quite well.

He now acts around the place as kind of a fighter, or a guard. If someone’s going out on a mission, he’ll propose his help and be the one to protect them.

Ok so in this verse, I’m going to change her around a little. 

So she was born in Russia, with a twin, criminal daddy, that doesn’t change.

But her mother never got them to leave the country. So when the virus appeared, they were still in Russia. It was only later on, through her dad’s connections, that they heard about Kola.

Getting there was hard, since the virus was everywhere, but there were a group of still clean people and working together, they managed to make their way to the safe haven, much, much later.

So she’s still ALL about books and boys, that ain’t ever gonna change. But she uses it to cheer up people. Despite the situation, she tries to see the best and try to help people feel better.

But I mean, obviously it’s not all rainbows and butterflies all the time, but she tries.

Oh God ok now this might be a mess.

But his parents never discovered he was gay here, since it happened when he was about 20-21. And so, never became a thief either.

Anyway, when the virus appeared, Elliott was at the top of the food chain in high school. Hella into sports, dated tons of girls(he was still not exactly aware of his sexuality back then), so when it all started, people in his class looked up to him in a way.

But he kind of just... let them down. Ran as fast as he could to go back home to make sure his parents and brother were fine. But his parents weren’t there, neither was his brother. He stayed there for a while, but they never came home, and during that time, the virus just spread.

So after some time, he decided to venture out, try to find other survivors. Literally, despite the huge manor he had, all he could find to defend himself was a baseball bat.

So he did find a small group of people, they told him they were heading to Kola.

Then started the long way from Detroit to Kola. During which they found more people, but also lost many people.

They were only five when they got to Kola. But in the end, he was the only one to make it safely inside. They got surrounded, they couldn’t fight them all off, so they ran. But they couldn’t keep up with him. When he reached the wall and looked back, they were all gone.

Anyway, that got him to be called the Runner, because he outran quite a lot of those zombies. But apart from that, Elliott doesn’t go out much. Unless needed, he’ll stay within the walls and help there.

Ok so, backstory mostly remains unchanged. Aka rich and wealthy family but he got disowned because he went into arts instead of becoming a lawyer.

When the virus came, he was just graduating college so that didn’t impact on his passion.

So he was in Kola, and helped building up the walls. But he was better at drawing and painting what was happening.

The place he resides in currently has a humonguous amount of sketch books full of drawings of the safe haven and the effects of the virus. It’s like a big encyclopedia of sort, retelling, in a sense, the happenings of this apocalypse.

He prefers not going outside the walls, but a few occasions he will, but only if they remain close. When he does, you bet he definitely carries a sketchbook and doodles what he sees.

Ok this is the one that probably changes the most? Because hi, he’s not in a mob this time!!

Ok partial lie, he was in a mob. See, his backstory is similar, in terms of he got shipped off to the US and familial problems. But he was about 24 when he got to the US, and was not settled in Kola. He was actually in New York.

So he was in that mob for about two years, until the virus appeared. Then, he just used the chaos of it all to disappear from them. 

So he heard about Kola being a safe haven, and he found a small group of people that were heading there. They were mostly civilians who’d never held a gun before, so he kind of took the lead for them. He actually planned their way so well, they only lost one of them.

When they arrived in Kola, he decided it was the perfect opportunity to turn his life around. So far, he’d only been killing people, now he was going to save them.

The group he was in kind of praised him for his ability to get them(mostly) safely there, so he decided to kind of become a planner? He just hellped by giving people directions of what to do and stuff like that when they were going out of the walls.

And he used his knowledge of forensic pathology to help advance with a cure but... yeah he doesn’t particularly like that, so he prefers helping those going out, or going out himself.

So since she was still in France in 2011, I’m going to change it a little bit. And say her mother had just married an american man and moved them to the US when the virus spread.

Still, Lavinia was always kind of a queen bee, privileged princess kind of girl, with big dreams.

When they arrived to the US, they were actually in Los Angeles, so getting to Kola took no time at all. And when they arrived, Lavinia made sure to get special treatments. Perhaps not from older people, but those her age? She owned them.

She kind of became a privileged girl there, prefers to stay within the walls in the quite big house they got(shared with another small family), doesn’t raise a finger to help anyone.

But even if she acts like it’s not affecting her, she’s definitely scared of what is going on, scared the virus will spread within the walls. She just doesn’t tell anyone and keeps it to herself.

Ok so still an adopted kid, family wise that doesn’t change. But since the virus appeared just as she was graduating high school, Maureen never became a nurse.

She was already in Kola though, and since she loved helping people, she tried to help every place she could.

Definitely going to headcanon that during the years, she did learn a lot of nursing theories by helping those who were already nurses before it all happened.

Definitely, she goes out a few times to help some groups, or if a group is coming back and they have injured people she goes out to help them.

Definitely, if you need help or anything, PLEASE GO TO HER.

Olivia was still raised alone by her hunter father. While they didn’t live in Kola, they lived in a small house located pretty much in the forest around Kola.

So they didn’t actually realize at first when the virus spread, but they heard it on the radio. And when they did, there were already some zombies around their house.

Her dad sacrificed himself so she could get a chance at running all the way to Kola. Which she did.

Since she’d always been quite solitary, Liv kind of did things her own way. She was still quite solitary within the walls, didn’t take help from no one.

And would often venture out, alone, either to go find other survivors or find some medicine or things like that.

In short, she wants to help, but she doesn’t trust people enough to let them help her.

Ok so backstory wise, Skyler is pretty much the same. When the virus appeared, she was 20ish, so she was working on getting her mother’s brand back on tracks.

She was actually in New York when it happened, on a travel trip to get some investors back. Skyler had a room in a hotel, and that’s how she found a group of people who planned on going to Kola, since they called it a safe haven.

But they were all untrained, neither having any training with weapons. So in short, they were done for. At least, until they stumbled on a man who clearly had more experience they than did. And yes, that man was Kieran.

She kind of felt safer now that he was there? And will forever be grateful for how he got them all to Kola.

But now she’s here, she feels a little lost. No traces of her mother anywhere, can’t find any of her friends, and she’s scared. She’s frightened, and so she mostly stays locked inside.

She has better days when she tries to go to others, but she really can’t do much except be frozen in place out of fear.

[excerptsfrom]

Chapter 15: “While You Were Away...”

I feel bad for not really keeping up with this but you know me, shit happens. Back around February? I was putting some vague slightly emotional posts on Snapchat and surprisingly he watched my stories for once. At the time I thought he was with Maggie, but things never worked out for them, she played with his feelings I think and treated him like crap. That's at least what I overheard from them talking. He tried talking to me but I pushed him away cause I was starting something with Nate. Oh god what a mess that is. I wished I hadn't done anything with Nate and just stuck with Sam and maybe all of this wouldn't have happened. And I blindly believed Nate about Sam too which I shouldn't have because of remembering talking with Sam about how he is around his friends and in real life. We didn't talk for a little bit and then he tried hitting me up for that panty prank we laughed about a while back before he started talking about Maggie. Who I actually originally learned about from Shane on the bus from south. I overheard him talking about how he was obsessed with her and stuff so I backed away thinking they had Something and Sam doesn't exactly like just anybody like that without reason. So I wished for the best and gave them space. That's when I stopped talking to him around like late January/early February. But yeah a little while after that he hit me up for that prank and I was bitter about him and Maggie cuz he chose her over me after all that talking and stuff. And I pretty much blew up on him. One of our many arguments. He had just gotten his licence and was all like yo can I grab them and I'm like nope go ask Maggie. And then I almost yelled all my feelings about him but stopped myself before everything came out. I did let out a lot though about how I've been like pining over him for like 8 months and how it's shit that I'm being played with and so on and so forth. I can't remember what he said unfortunately, but I know it was a typical "oh ok" responses kind of conversation of him playing coy. We didn't talk at all after that until about a week ago. (It's 3/17/17 today) I didn't know what to do with the whole Nate situation and I really couldn't talk to anyone about it since everyone I'm close with knows I'm with Elliott already and they don't understand the whole me being poly thing. Like Scarlett thinks I'm happily with Elliott, and Joey thinks I'm with both? I don’t know? And I really couldn't talk about it with Rachel or Yuri or Evelyn. So I decided to hit up Sam because he always gave me really good unbiased advice because he knows me and can see right through me. So I was like "hey I know we haven't talked in a while but I remember you always have really good advice and I could use some right now" and he pretty much responded almost instantly and said yeah. So we tried to work it out so that we could talk in person by him giving me a ride home from robotics and such but that didn't work, so eventually he ended up picking me up after school. Although Noah was there. I was hoping we'd be alone cuz I was comfortable with him at the time and I didn't have the nerves of being alone with him from a crush or something. We talked and he gave me advice and shit and then we ended up going out for Panera afterwards. I thought we were all gonna stay there and talk and stuff but they decided to leave so I was stuck in the backseat for even longer listening to them talk about stuff. It was a little uncomfortable. I ended up doing the thing we joked about and left the pair under his seat. It was weird. Funny thing was, I dressed cute for him, but ended up impressing Noah instead. He added me by username on Snapchat and tried talking to me afterwards. Which was funny cuz I was snapping Sam at the same time and we were flirty. After that day we went back to normal like always, him hitting me up at night and the usual snaps and conversations happening. Apparently when he's high he's kinky. Which is funny. I ended up leaving him a message to find in the morning on the day of the second competition, but he ended up leaving me on read. I was afraid I freaked him out. One night he tried hitting me up with the "ill show you mine if you show me yours" and I was tired so I said no. I've been saying that a lot lately and being a tease about it and using the smiling devil emoji. But he actually cared? Like he was like oh okay then go to sleep. And I'm like I wanna talk to you though, but he's like no go to bed you need it. So I did. It was weird he cared. It had me shook for a little bit. Especially with the one conversation we had where he was complaining about how he wanted a girlfriend and then saying he might've found someone. I of course was disappointed but I was nice and was like oh nice hope things work out. And then we proceeded to have the typical conversation. It was same old same old til last night. (Today is 3/23/17) I think I finally realize what I am to him. Just a friend that's a girl that he can always fall back on for a good time or to talk to. Just a friend where the lines are slightly blurred on the friend and something else line. Because we'll actually talk sometimes about important stuff but then others the usual thing happens. And it's always at night. I know I'm kind of being used but I guess I'm used to it and okay cause it's him and that's just how he is. The only thing that's different now than back then is that we've hung out in person and gone farther over text and stuff. Like I never thought it'd actually happen but I actually heard the "ill how you mine if you show me yours" phrase. And for goodness fucking sake he has a pair of my fucking underwear and I know he's jerked off to the thought of me. Sometimes stupid stuff like that gives me hope that maybe I'll have a chance at something more. Especially when he drops what he's doing to help me like that time with advice or when I'm tired and he makes me sleep cuz I need sleep. But then other times it just seems as if I'm just a friend, like when he came over last night to rant about his parents and we went off to side conversations and talked about how hot other girls were around me. I completely felt totally friend-zoned and like one of the guys there. Like when your crush is talking about hot girls around you you know you're screwed cuz you're a friend or they're playing mind games to make you jealous, which by the way works. And other times I just feel like a fucking object and used because it seems like I'm just a fucking side hoe with how I'm the girl he falls back on when things don't work out or he just needs a good time. Like he only talks to me at night or when he's high and avoids actually going out and hanging out in person except for last night and the first time as exceptions. We were supposed to go out several times but he always forgot or didn't bother or care. I know I'm not important to him cuz I'm always put off to the side until he needs me, but for some reason I stay. Sometimes I think I'm slowly growing out of my crush on him, but then I'm right back at it again. Like when I think and go an analyze my feelings there's a definite physical attraction and I care for him but when I actually think that if we dated I don’t know. Like it's just be weird with everything that's happened. Like how I have a history with Harrison and Nate and Yuri. And we've both seen each other naked, well he hasn't seen me beyond my skimpiest underwear, but pretty close. And things have been said that can't be taken back. I also know that if things don't work out we probably wouldn't go back to being friends. I mean there's been the exception of every other time, but in those we were never tied down or did anything in person or hung out or anything. It wasn't real, just two people attracted to one another messing around over the privacy of phones. We never acknowledge each other in school and barely talk in person. We've only had a handful of in person conversations. From what we've had though we're comfortable with each other. It's just I know him but I also don't. And I don't know whether to distinguish from my theories about him to his actual personality. Like I like to think I know him, but he's actually barely let me in. I only know what he's allowed me to. Everything else is based off of observation and inference. I just don't think that if we actually dated it'd work out. He's been hurt too much and as much as he trusts me, he wouldn't. It's just how he is. His friends know me and I know them, but it'd be weird seen as how conflict of interests. He's into some things that I don't want to have anything to do with. I'm at school to learn and I don't want to screw up and fall into the wrong crowd, not to mention my parents would kill me and it's illegal id never be able to get a job or licence or into college or military. I'm just not gonna risk it. And he just doesn't seem like the kind of guy to actually like putting the effort in, and the romance. I don't know what his relationship was like with Olivia or Aly, but I don’t know. Before I was blind and thought we'd be perfect together and happy happy romance forever after blah blah blah. But I have doubts now. I've seen the reality. Like yeah there's chemistry and were comfy around each other and care, but I don’t know. I guess I've just gotten hit in the face with reality that he's not perfect and I've been blind the whole time. I mean I always knew he had his flaws, but I put them off to the side, they weren't deal breakers. But now I guess things have changed. Like how he doesn't put effort into school, or is into risky things, or just plain out offensive. Like I mean in not a social justice warrior or anything, but when you use "Jew" or "gay" or "retard" in derogatory manners and such, it's insensitive and offensive. Like how am I supposed to know that you'll respect me, if you use those words. And he also swears a lot, I mean I do too, but like damn if Tracey heard him his blood would be filled with so much soap that he'd be like a living soap bar or whatever. You want a guy you can be proud of around your parents and don't have to worry if he's gonna say something wrong. I mean the first time we really talked in person was like October/November freshman year when Harrison and I first started dating and he came over to my table to feel me out and made a Jew joke right in front of Ben. He's the kind of guy I wouldn't bring to one of Uncle Ricky's barbecues because one, my uncle’s a cop and I know Sam, and two my family is overprotective, and three my family is very opinionated and there's a large possibility of him saying something stupid. So as much as I keep trying for things to work out, they won't and I don't know why I bother even trying. Like my feelings have faded from intense to like eh.

[scifihorroradventure]

THE LAZARUS EFFECT (2015)

Scientists Frank (Mark Duplass) and Zoe (Olivia Wilde) have made a breakthrough discovery: The Lazarus serum, a powerful liquid able to reactivate dead brains and essentially bring the dead back to life. As Zoe deals with memories of an old childhood trauma, their team tests the serum on a dead dog, bringing it back to life. Before they can truly celebrate their success, however, their grant is revoked and all their research and equipment taken by higher authorities. Realizing they only have one last chance to replicate the experiment and prove they were the ones responsible, they prepare to use the serum on another dog when a piece of equipment electrocutes Zoe to death. Panicking, Frank ignores the objections of the rest of the team and uses the Lazarus serum on Zoe. It works, but something is not quite right with her. Clearly traumatized by what happened to her, she claims that she was in Hell during her death and soon begins displaying telekinetic abilities. Hearing the team's true thoughts about her, a hurt and betrayed Zoe snaps and begins turning her newfound powers onto her former friends...

The Lazarus Effect is a good, if unambitious film. The story by Luke Dawson and Jeremy Slater continuously borrows elements from films like Carrie, Lucy, and A Nightmare on Elm Street and then does nothing with them. A good example of this is the dog that the team resurrects near the start of the film. Clearly, there is something wrong with the dog as it acts needlessly aggressive towards the team and seems to show awareness higher than an ordinary dog, even walking into Zoe's room as she sleeps, standing on the bed and staring her down in an ominous fashion. But nothing ever comes of this, and the dog is killed by Zoe once she starts to show her evil side - The dog's body is never even found later in a "What could have done this?" type scene. Speaking of Zoe's evil side, that aspect is never really explained, either. While it's understandable that she would be hurt by her team's true thoughts about her once she'd been revived, going from that to raining horrible death down upon them is never properly set up, making it almost seem as if she just randomly decides to become a Krueger-style killer. From watching the theatrical trailer, one could get the impression that when Zoe is resurrected, she is in fact possessed by a demon (which would also work well with the scene in which she tells Frank she was in Hell). This might have been a better direction to take the character, as the sudden evil would make far more sense this way. The revelation that Zoe was the one that started the fire is also presented oddly; it's treated like a grand reveal that she's actually been evil her entire life, but she was clearly shown to be a good person and mentioned how remorseful she had been about it ever since.

Olivia Wilde takes center stage as Zoe McConnell, the film's heroine-turned-hellbeast. Wilde gives a great performance, clearly shaken and disturbed by her brief time in the afterlife. She reaches out to her friends more than once for help in dealing with her situation, but they all but abandon her, too scared and worried about themselves to do anything for her. She is shown to be a religious person, but refreshingly for a horror movie, is simply religious and doesn't go crazy with it at any point. Her cross necklace is another gun the movie introduces without ever firing - One might think it will come into play once she starts to turn evil, but she discards it once turning and it's never seen again. Mark Duplass as Frank, Zoe's fiance, is a total jackass through and through. It's said that he's all but forgotten their plans for marriage ever since their work on the Lazarus serum and it only gets worse from there. Though it seems he uses the serum on Zoe out of love, as soon as she's back he starts looking at her as nothing more than a horrible science experiment, openly dismissing her when she tries to tell him what happened to her on the other side and doing the same to Eva when she attempts to corroborate. Honestly, if anyone deserved to die in this movie, it's Frank. Sarah Bolger plays Eva, who's just joined the project in order to record their progress and who may or may not have sold them out to an interested company (again, it's never really resolved). Eva ends up becoming the final heroine of the movie once everyone else is dead, but as we haven't really had much of a chance to get to know her, it's hard to care for her. Evan Peters (of American Horror Story fame) plays Clay, the disrespectful a-hole of the team who honestly should have died far earlier in the movie than he does. Donald Glover from Community plays Niko, easily the least dickish character in the movie. A quiet guy, Niko has an unrequited crush on Zoe, who later responds with a very literal crush via a cabinet in the laboratory. While this is easily the film's coolest death scene, its supernatural nature (straight out of Prom Night II) doesn't really gel well with the rest of the movie and makes the other characters' deaths rather lame by comparison.

While not a bad movie per se, The Lazarus Effect unfortunately brings nothing new to the table and doesn't even see what it does bring to the table through to the end. It has a few great things going for it (Olivia Wilde's performance, Niko's death, and the visual of a badly burned Zoe chasing Eva down her nightmare hallway), but sadly they're much too few and far between.

Rating: ★★ ½

Cast: Olivia Wilde ... Zoe McConnell Mark Duplass ... Frank Walton Sarah Bolger ... Eva Evan Peters ... Clay Donald Glover ... Niko Ray Wise ... Mr. Wallace Amy Aquino ... President Dalley Emily Kelavos ... Little Girl Cato ... Rocky the Dog

Director: David Gelb. Producer: Jason Blum, Jeanette Brill (executive producer), Phillip Dawe (associate producer), Luke Dawson (executive producer), Matthew Kaplan, Robyn Marshall (co-producer), Jimmy Miller, Rick Osako (co-producer), Michael Paseornek (production executive), and Cody Zwieg. Writer: Luke Dawson and Jeremy Slater. Music: Sarah Schachner. Special Effects: Jonn Herzberger (technician), Zak Knight (foreman), Tamas Ordodi (breakaway and model maker), Steve Drypolcher (visual effects artist), Joshua Elliott (visual effects artist), Joel LeLièvre (digital effects artist / visual effects artist), Jeff Lichtfuss (visual effects artist / visual effects supervisor), Merysa Nichols (visual effects artist), Brandon Parvini (visual effects artist / visual effects supervisor), Gabriel Perez (visual effects artist), Matt Primm (visual effects producer), Philip Sisk (visual effects artist), and David Torno (visual effects artist).

[vsplusonline]

The best (and worst) hand creams for dry, cracked hands

New Post has been published on https://apzweb.com/the-best-and-worst-hand-creams-for-dry-cracked-hands/

The best (and worst) hand creams for dry, cracked hands

By now, your hands have probably felt the full effects of a Canadian winter.

Dry, itchy and flaky skin is common during colder months, and it can be even worse for people with pre-existing conditions like eczema and psoriasis.

That’s why, according to Toronto board-certified dermatologist Dr. Julia Carroll, using the right hand cream is key.

READ MORE: The best mascaras on the market, from drug store to luxury brands

When buying a hand cream, look for “a combination of emollient and occlusive,” Carroll told Global News. “These [ingredients] act as a physical barrier to prevent water loss.”

These agents have two noteworthy qualities: they prevent external factors (like water from hand washing) from drying your skin and they keep locked in the moisture your skin has already.

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Lanolin, mineral oil and silicone are examples of occlusives, and emollients are ingredients like plant oils, mineral oils and shea and cocoa butter.

READ MORE: The best (and worst) lip balms to combat the harsh weather of winter

Humectants, like glycerin, honey and aloe vera, are also helpful for keeping your skin at maximum moisture.

During testing, a few Global News reporters found the creams they were assigned to be quite greasy. While it may not be the best for using a keyboard, Carroll said greasiness could actually suggest the product has a good combination of these ingredients.

“People need to play around with the formula … to find what works better for their skin,” she said. “Some people put too much product. You don’t need a lot.”

Reporters at Global News tried out some of the best and organized them by price: $10 and under, $20 and under and $20 or more.

$10 and under

Illustration by Laura Whelan

Name of product: O’Keeffe’s Working Hands Cream Retail price: $9.99 Available at: A variety of retailers Product specialty: For extremely dry, cracked hands First thoughts: This cream looks and feels almost like a balm when you take it out of the container. You definitely only need to use a small amount because the product spreads a lot. It doesn’t absorb quickly, so your hands might feel a little greasy for a few minutes. End-of-the-day test: My hands felt extremely soft, and I didn’t have to reapply a lot. It was also unscented, which was surprising. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? I would recommend this hand cream for the winter because it leaves your hands feeling very moisturized and soft without a lingering scent. You don’t have to use a lot of the hand cream to make a difference, which could make this a good investment for the winter. Score out of 5: 4 — Katie Scott

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Name of product: Glysomed Hand Cream Retail price: $7 Available at: A variety of retailers Product specialty: Combines glycerine with chamomile and silicone to lock in moisture First thoughts: I don’t like anything about this cream. The smell is clinical, and the texture does not work for my skin type. It’s way too greasy and it never feels fully rubbed into my hands. End-of-the-day test: Because of how oily I found this product — it got everywhere — I was wiping my hands a lot. They felt the same at the end of the day as they did at the beginning of the day. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? I don’t think I would recommend this product if you, like me, have relatively normal dry skin during the winter. However, it might be more effective for people with severely dry skin. Score out of 5: 2 — Meghan Collie

Name of product: Eucerin Aquaphor Healing Ointment Retail price: $9.47 Available at: A variety of retailers Product specialty: For extremely dry, cracked, chafed or damaged skin First thoughts: It’s clear that this product is for extremely damaged skin. Its consistency is similar to Vaseline. I made the mistake of trying it as a hand cream while at work, and it ended up all over my keyboard. End-of-the-day test: My hands were definitely protected from the winter elements, but they were greasy. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? Yes, this is an effective ointment for winter, but use it at home as a nighttime cream. Otherwise, it’s likely to get on your clothes and anything else you touch. You can also use it as a lip balm during the day. Score out of 5: 4.5 — For doing exactly what it’s supposed to but for not being really usable during the day — Olivia Bowden

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Name of product: Vaseline Intensive Care Advanced Repair Lotion Retail price: $8.48 Available at: A variety of retailers Product specialty: Non-greasy, unscented moisturizer First thoughts: It certainly does its job but makes a big deal out of being a non-greasy moisturizer despite it actually feeling a bit greasy — even with just a small amount applied. End-of-the-day test: My hands feel the same as they were before. You might have to apply this one every few hours for maximum effect. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? No, simply for the reason that you can probably get a better one, and though it says it’s unscented, it smells a wee bit like sunscreen. Score out of 5: 3.5 — Reliable brand name? Sure, but you could do better. Treat yourself. — Adam Wallis

Name of product: Neutrogena Hydro Boost Hand Gel Cream Retail price: $8 Available at: A variety of retailers Product specialty: “Instantly boosts hydration for supple hands.” First thoughts: Why is this so light? My hands are pretty dry in the winter, and when I do buy hand cream, I look for a thick formula that is long-lasting. I thought this formula was way too light and wasn’t sure exactly how this would last all day. The one thing I did appreciate about this cream was the scent and how non-greasy it was. End-of-the-day test: My hands were less dry than before, but they were not supple, soft or smooth. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? If you suffer from dry hands, move on. Score out of 5: 2 — Arti Patel

$10 to $20

Illustration by Laura Whelan Illustration by Laura Whelan

Name of product: CeraVe Therapeutic Hand Cream Retail price: $13.99 Available at: A variety of retailers First thoughts: This looks like a medicated lotion or something you get with a prescription. The first time it came out of the tube, it was far more liquidy than I thought. End-of-the-day test: My hands definitely felt more moisturized but a touch too oily, almost slippery when it’s first applied. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? It did what it promised, so sure! It’s scentless, so if you like a nice smell with your lotion, this one might not be for you. Score out of 5: 3.5 — Chris Jancelewicz

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Name of product: La Roche-Posay Cicaplast Retail price: $16 Available at: Shoppers Drug Mart, Amazon Product specialty: Barrier-repairing balm First thoughts: It looks clinical and smells like a doctor’s office. It seems like something you’d get with a prescription. End-of-the-day test: My hands felt soft and supple. This stuff definitely does the trick. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? This is a solid hand cream for winter, especially if your hands are dry and cracked. A little bit of balm goes a long way, and the small container is easy to carry in your pocket. Score out of 5: 4 — Josh Elliott

Name of product: Aveeno Eczema Care Moisturizing Cream Retail price: $12 Available at: Shoppers Drug Mart, Walmart, most major retailers Product specialty:  Relieves dry, itchy, irritated skin due to eczema. Aveeno’s “oatmeal” formula is meant to soothe skin and reduce redness, itching, dryness and irritation. First thoughts: Very easy to apply and nice consistency. I like the light scent and consistency; not to thin or too thick. End-of-the-day test: I applied this product in the morning, and by the time I got home from work, I found my skin to be slightly improved. It is not oily or sticky, meaning it easily absorbs and actually offers some much-needed moisture to cracked skin. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? Yes. For the price point and size, it’s a good deal. Score out of 5: 4 — Laura Hensley

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Name of product: Burt’s Bees Shea Butter Hand Repair Cream Retail price: $14.99 Available at: A variety of retailers Product specialty: Made of 99.63 per cent natural ingredients and improves elasticity of the skin to prevent “environmental aging” First thoughts: It smells amazing, and the texture is perfect — soft and dense but not too greasy. End-of-the-day test: I reapplied after every time I washed my hands and I’m hooked. Not only does my skin feel better, but I swear my nails and cuticles are stronger, too. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? Definitely. My dry, chafed skin has never looked better, Score out of 5: 5 — Meghan Collie

Name of product: Hemp Hard-Working Hand Protector Retail price: $10 (30 ml) Available at: The Body Shop Product specialty: For every tube purchased, The Body Shop will donate to help Re-Wild the World through its World Bio-Bridges mission, and the product includes Community Trade hemp seed oil from France. First thoughts: The scent is nice, and the consistency feels like it would be heavy-duty, as described. I also like the packaging — handy for when you’re on the go. End-of-the-day test: I wanted to love this cult favourite, but I found it left my hands feeling oily and not quenched, like it didn’t really sink into my skin. I had to continuously reapply throughout the day and found the residue it left on my skin uncomfortable. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? It’s a good option for people on a budget, but I would sooner buy a product with shea butter or other oils that penetrate the skin efficiently. This product feels like it has too many synthetic ingredients. Score out of 5: 3.5 — Meaghan Wray

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$20 or more

Illustration by Laura Whelan Illustration by Laura Whelan

Name of product: Lush Helping Hands hand cream Retail price: $21.95 Available at: Lush Product specialty: All natural ingredients, certified safe synthetic ingredients and not tested on animals First thoughts: The subtle floral scent was the first thing I noticed. At first, I found the residue a bit greasy, but it sunk into my skin pretty quickly. The consistency feels heavy-duty but goes on thin. End-of-the-day test: This is easily one of my go-to hand creams now. My hands felt more supple by the end of the day, and getting a whiff of the lavender and marigold throughout the day was a nice bonus. A little goes a long way, so I expect the 100-gram container to last me a long time. The only inconvenience is the container, as it comes in Lush’s trademark recyclable tub (bonus points for being environmentally friendly) rather than a tube. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? Yes. The ingredients like honey, almond oil and cocoa and shea butters are perfect for a heavy-duty winter cream. Plus, it held up even after handwashing, which is super impressive and convenient during flu seasons. It was also great on dry elbows. Score out of 5: 5 — Meaghan Wray 

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Name of product: L’Occitane en Provence Shea Butter Hand Cream Retail price: $38 (150 ml) Available at: Sephora, L’Occitane Product specialty: It says it will quickly nourish, protect and soften hands. First thoughts: It doesn’t make my hands feel greasy and it dries very quickly, but I’m not a fan of the smell. The scent reminds me of something similar to a cream used for a baby. End-of-the-day test: My hands felt very soft at the end of the day and they weren’t dry. but I did have to reapply a few times after washing my hands. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? I would recommend this hand cream for the winter because it dries quickly and doesn’t leave your hands greasy or slippery at all. It absorbs so fast and you can go about your day. It lives up to its product specialty, which was nourishing and softening hands. The scent might not be for everyone, though. Score out of 5: 3.5 — Katie Scott

Name of product: Intensive Hand Repair by Miracle 10 Retail price: $39 Available at: miracle10.com First thoughts: The subtle citrus smell of the product is refreshing and helpful for early mornings at the office. I noticed the texture of the cream is thick but not greasy like an ointment. After applying the cream, it quickly absorbed into my skin, and my hands felt moisturized but not oily. The smell isn’t overpowering so it won’t irritate others around you. End-of-the-day test: The moisturizing effects of the cream last throughout the day, but if you’re dealing with extremely dry, cracked winter skin, you may have to apply it several times throughout the day. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? I would definitely recommend this as an easy cream to keep at your desk to use throughout the day, but if you’re dealing with serious dry skin, you might want to use a heavier product than this one. Score out of 5: 4.5 — For keeping my hands hydrated and for making me smell like a grove of oranges — Olivia Bowden

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Name of product: Aesop Resurrection Aromatique Hand Balm Retail price: $39 Available at: Nordstrom, Hudson’s Bay, Amazon Product specialty: Barrier repairing balm First thoughts: This looks like hand cream for the one per cent. It smells amazing thanks to a blend of rosemary, cedar and mandarin orange-rind scents. It also has a classy-looking tube with a quote from the poet T.S. Eliot written on it. End-of-the-day test: This is day spa-level stuff. My hands felt soft and moisturized. I felt pampered. Two soft thumbs up. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? I’d never pay $39 for a hand cream but I can understand the price tag. It fulfills its job as a hand-moisturizing cream, but the texture and scent make it an enjoyable experience. If you’re looking for the very best hand cream for winter, this is a contender. Score out of 5: 5 — Josh Elliott

Name of product: Velvet Mitts Hand & Nail Crème by 1’Lux Retail price: $23 Available at: 1luxbeauty.com Product specialty: A fragrant cream created to soothe dry hands and brittle nails. A “tapered precision applicator” lets users squeeze out the desired amount. First thoughts: The thin applicator really limits how much cream comes out, meaning I used less than I likely would with other products. It isn’t oily or sticky and quickly absorbed into the skin. I like the coconut scent. End-of-the-day test: I didn’t feel like the cream really moisturized my dry skin as much as I’d liked. I reapplied the product several times throughout the day, as my skin still felt dry and chapped. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? If you’re looking for a nice-smelling product with light moisturizing effects, Velvet Mitts may be for you. If you’re like me, on the other hand, and have very dry and cracked skin, you’ll likely need something stronger. Score out of 5: 3 — Laura Hensley

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Name of product: Kiehl’s Ultimate Strength Hand Salve Retail price: $21 Available at: Sephora, Hudson’s Bay, Holt Renfrew Product specialty: Extra-strength moisturizing to soothe and condition severely dry and/or weathered skin First thoughts: This cream is fab! At first, it feels a little thick, but once you really rub it in, you almost forget about your dryness. It really doesn’t take much of the stuff to do the trick, either, which is great because it’s a relatively small bottle. End-of-the-day test: My hands feel nice and smooth, with no trace of dryness every day. Great to apply every morning. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? Definitely! It’s great for dry hands, smells natural and is optimal for travel since it’s so small and compact. Score out of 5: 4.5, with the only downside being the price for the amount you get— not a bargain. — Adam Wallis

Name of product: Weleda Skin Food Original Ultra-Rich Cream Retail price: $23.49 Available at: Well.ca Product specialty: Intensely hydrating and ultra-moisturizing for dry, damaged skin First thoughts: This is extremely heavy. The cream is thick, oily and left my hands feeling greasy. However, as a person who suffers from dry skin (and even drier elbows), this has become my new go-to night cream. The thick product lasts — and lasts a long time. End-of-the-day test: When I wake up in the morning, my hands are still just as soft. My only concern for this is I wouldn’t want to wear it during the day. I felt like my keyboard was covered in a residue. Would you recommend this hand cream for winter? Yes, but I would only use it at night. Score out of 5: 4 — Arti Patel

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Meghan.Collie@globalnews.ca

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