#what if i didnt want joslire to die | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soldier-poet-king · 25 days

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My favourite character just died horribly in the space torture book, finally free, potentially confessing his love for the protagonist, the protagonist having to /mercy kill/ his first and closest friend, the knives, the intimacy, the devotion, the trust in a man capable of being terrible because he is so grimly devoted to trying to be Good, the sheer rage and despair and hope of it all

I think I'm going to. Die. Thanks

#fran reads #as terrible as this sounds. cried more reading this than at the funeral this morning #i am. so fuckin distressed #thematically and narratively it makes sense #but what if i wanted andrej to escape the bench with joslire and robert and all the rest #what if i didnt want joslire to die #what if i wanted joslire to see freedom. for his trust in andrej despite everything to be rewarded #for andrej to not be alone. again.#Joslire was crucial to andrej retaining a sense of himself. of his humanity.#what does he do now #they better not be setting up a romance with simmons as a replacement #fuck that shit. who give a fuck about romance sex #when the insane bond with joslire is RIGHT THERE #the devotion. the duty. the idea of trusting someone so much that tho you are a slave #you make the only choice available to you freely and willingly #and choose to follow this man into hell. because you think he is worth it #he is capable of such terrors. but he is capable of such goodness. he is kind. he does not sugarcoat his evil. he tries to be good #im just. throws up forever maybe???#i desperately do not want to go back to my life #i need to lay and mope in a fugue state #andrej kosciusko is on the list of guys who r just having the worst time ever.#and have to keep dragging themselves forward. for duty. a sense of goodness. despite the most horrible things you can imagine #and i just. i need that. i feel very desperate suddenly. too soft and indulgent

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