#wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee this is a bad idea to post isn't it

[kingofthewilderwest]

Gosh, I’m not expecting this post to go down well, but I’ve been thinking about it a while, so I’ll make a stab. Wish me luck.

It’s been over a decade since I realized I was queer. It was a terrifying time and I was afraid to talk to many people about it. Some of the best, most comforting support I had, able to answer my questions, give me good factual and scientific information on why being queer was okay, and assuage my fears and religious concerns, came from online communities.

Specifically, queer Christian communities.

Fuck, man, I was on everything down to queer Christian deviantArt groups. Haha, deviantArt, yeah. But it allowed me to talk to people about multiple factors simultaneously that were relevant to me: both my religion, which was very important to me, and my queerness, and be able to sort it out and come to peace with all of it.

Christians in the United States have loads of privilege and we’re not society’s victims. The opposite. It makes sense places like tumblr have become a safe space for victims of homophobic religion to escape, de-convert, and vent with other traumatized people over it. It’s good to see people calling out the hypocrisy, shit, abuse, and bad uses of power that appear within the church. I’m really glad spaces like this exist so that y’all can find better, healthier, happier lives apart from the religion that did you wrong, and to embrace who you truly are. You need that. Many times, I know I have no good religious speaking room here, and I intentionally stay as out of the way as I possibly can so that this safe space can continue to exist.

But I admit I’m also worried about young folks who were like me, looking for answers, and felt like there was no one to come to who’d be safe. 

The way tumblr is right now, I would be afraid that queer Christians wouldn’t feel safe approaching the LGBTQ dialogue here. If one group says “FUCK YOU!” to every Christian out there (and I understand! you were harmed!!), and the other group says, “ew, homosexuality” to every questioning queer out there (which many church spaces still do), then you might feel like you can’t talk to anybody. There were so many online queer Christian communities when I was an older teen that bridged the gap and allowed us to be proud and gay, proud and ace, proud and trans, while also making our own personal choice if we were to remain in the faith, because it was still important and helpful to us. In my case, yes, I’ve retained my Christianity, with greater textual understanding to the passages that worried me. I couldn’t have had that without other LGBTQ people embracing me, respecting my religion, and letting me process through ALL that.

When I went on tumblr, I got hate messages fast for my religion without anyone knowing anything about what I believed in, or caring I was queer and talking about that queerness openly on tumblr. I’ve run into posters who explicitly declared they didn’t care they were generalizing over 2 billion people in the world, they were going to generalize and hate on them all. I’ve seen pro-LGBTQ pastors on tumblr get chased out by bombarding threatening messages. I’ve seen tons of posts say things like, “I love X, Y, Z religions on tumblr for how they say [deity] loves [LGBTQ identity here], but Christians are horrible, they would never do that!”

Heck, man, plenty of Christians I know would post messages like that if they thought there was the space for it. I’d love to see “Jesus loves you, lesbians!!!” But I’d never feel bold enough to post that here! I feel like the second I did, I’d be waiting to be screamed at for being a hypocrite and part of the problem, or ‘supporting’ homophobia, or being mocked for a god that doesn’t exist. So... I know a ton of tumblr queer Christians who just...... stay silent instead, fearing retaliation and aggressive responses. I’ve talked to different people from different countries confirming the tumblr presentation of Christians is very USA-centric and forgets about their culturally-embedded saints or all the POC people who rely on it and stuff like that. I’ve had multiple friends nervously ask me, “I saw X viral post being reblogged and it says a ton of really bad things about Christianity but it’s really inaccurate to my denominations/country/the-religion-in-general, but I feel like I can’t say anything because I’ll just get yelled at if I try to respond.” And on and on and on.

There needs to be spaces for folks to speak angrily about things they hate. If you have major criticisms about organized religion, by all means, fucking use the spaces to get it out. I get it.

But what I’m saying is... if you really think that these 2 billion diverse humans from around the globe all think the same thing and are all out to abuse you in the way your specific brand of local Evangelical Protestants are doing things, maybe rethink that assumption as you’re processing your trauma. Theology’s diverse, yo, and there’s gonna be so many Christians who are LGBTQ, want to support LGBTQ, get their questions answered about LGBTQ, etc.

I just wish there’s a communication space without intimidation for the questioning folks like I was, who want answers from a queer community that won’t burn them out for their faith, to feel like they’re not going to be rained down by both the religious and the queer. Both needs to be met in their questions, the religious and the queer. This type of world on tumblr, it’s going to feel hostile to those baby queer Christians, who are afraid the second their religion leaks out, they’re not going to be able to belong in the LGBTQ community anymore, rather than find love, answers, support, science, and good reasoning for why they can accept being LGBTQ.

Maybe I’m wrong and there’s lots of spaces and it’s just my personal experience. All I can speak to, right now, is what I’ve anecdotally seen from my angle. I hope this doesn’t come off as exaggeration; I’m speaking the negatives because those are the relevant observations right now, but I won’t deny I’ve had good faith experiences on this site, too. Just... I want to discuss the bad because the bad exists.

If anything I said in here accidentally came off poorly, please let me know, and I’ll endeavor to learn and reword it to be better. Please understand that frustratedly criticizing X Christian issue in response to this post might be a bit of a strawman when I’m talking about folks who aren’t going to automatically have X Christian issue. I love to listen to you and I respect your pain, but if I might ask, please don’t make this the place for that comment. I don’t want this to turn into a discussion, so I hope you can let me say my mind once and then be the end of it. This has been on my mind, I doubt many people are going to like what I said, but I hope that, maybe even for just one person, these were the right words to read. Take care y’all, and keep rocking it.