#when I say I’m a James Wilson kinnie I’m not even joking

[houseswife]

I’m not even kidding when I say that James Wilson as a a character has done more for my introspection and growth as a person than therapy ever did. I spent my whole life wondering why I, as an otherwise entirely well-adjusted and straight-laced person on the surface, exclusively surrounds myself with addicts and unstable people (affectionate). Why I used to skip class in high school to stop my friends from overdosing, or hurting themselves, begging them to be institutionalised. Why I used to give my pills away to classmates who swore they’d kill themselves if I stopped. I could’ve pulled away - I could’ve made friends with rich kids with happy lives who won’t ask me to drive them to the psych ward at 12PM on a Tuesday. My mom always said I’m a people pleaser and a doormat and it’s why I end up in parking lots at 3AM doing drug deals on other people’s behalves and loaning tons of money to people who’d never pay me back. But it’s not that I’m a nice person! It feeds me as much as it feeds them! It’s an internal validation issue manifested through a seeming lack of personal conviction! Now I get it, and it’s so satisfying to see this sort of personality being portrayed as a pathology rather than something to pity or idolise. Yes there’s something wrong with me but it’s not that I’m too generous; excessive enabling is just as selfish as exploitative behaviour itself. Somehow it took a medical procedural for me to realise that, but-