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#when ppl (esp irl) kno a lot abt me so i dont tell her quite a bit
666bone
·
7 years
Text
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#ik im literally always talking to myself on here but i have a whole 2 friends & i feel guilty always talking abt myself
#for 1 pal we not Really that close bc we havent done a real talk like very lowkey real talks
#& the other pal ive known since kindergarten & knows almost everythng abt me but she got Issues™ & i dont want 2 trigger her & also i panic
#when ppl (esp irl) kno a lot abt me so i dont tell her quite a bit
#but ok anyway
#last night when i was hanging out w that one pal from high schoool it was really nice and i really missed him but i think im just in a swing
#bc like 2 days ago i was really mad @ him
#but now im content & full of love smdh
#he had a real bad coke problem last year and he has new scars on his arm and we always vibed real well bc we had ?? that sense of
#understanding & hes honestly ?? the only male i know that calls out his male friends on their ignorant/bigoted bullshit
#like when i told him i got that 1 dude kicked out of the club bc he was harassing me & my pals he was like
#'shit im sorry you had to deal with that im glad youre alright and that you got the creep kicked out'
#which was ??? really nice to hear bc when i told 2 of my other male acquaintances abt it they didnt really care or joked that i ruined that
#guys night like...........shit what abt my night man that guy waas 6'5 and im fucking 5'2 and NOBODY wa doing anything to help me
#if anything he ruined my fukin night god damn
#like ik its lame ~praising~ guys for not being complete garbage but....its nice & its validating & i never get validated so lemme have this
#ok
#he said he could hook me up w his dealer and im very tempted but ik if i do im going to blow all my savings and go on a bender & be dead
#in a few months
#like on 1 hand = nice
#& then my fukin wise mind is like 'u fukin dumb shit can you Calm down For ONNCE in yr gotdamn life'
#anyway im crying again why i gotta be like this smdh
#also im still fat & im going to visit the fam in mexico on the 22nd & im still fat and i dont want to wear shorts or a fucking swim suit
#i cant do that i dont want to do that
#i hate going down there i hate it
#so obviously i gotta lose @ least 10lbs b4 i go there
#last time i was there it was during 1 of my Episodes™
#& was horribly depressed and regularly not in touch w reality & its really embarrassing
#& i dont want 2 go again
#i love mexico & the culture & everything abt it but my family..................ruins it lol i cant do it they make me want 2 die
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