#which clearly indicate the person who dropped the bottle threw a tantrum and kicked all the rocks out of the yard in this small spot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lokilickedme · 1 year

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Since dropping a 32 oz glass bottle of Valentina cayenne pepper sauce on my concrete driveway the night of December 31st and subsequently having it explode in a convincingly homicidal pattern of blood red that immediately stained the concrete at just about the time our neighborhood’s New Years Eve fireworks were going off, I’m now side eyed nervously by the entire block and the dogwalkers and mountainbikers are taking the long way around instead of skirting our house and that suspicious stain to get to the park.

We have a neighbor who is friendly with us who goes on business trips frequently and is often gone for weeks at a time and I just know everybody on this street is waiting anxiously to see if he ever actually shows back up

Meanwhile I’m just waving at everyone as I leave for work humming the theme to American Psycho and my kid is still pissed at me for breaking his hot sauce

#somebody call Dexter we got blood #Well Deb it looks like the homeowner returned home from work and was unloading groceries from the back of the SUV #when the bag broke and a big ass bottle of cayenne sauce hit the pavement #shattering in an impressive splatter pattern #you can see from the spray near the curb that the bottle was big #the red spots in the snow indicate it hit the ground harder than you'd expect #indicating the person attempted to catch it and ended up making it fall faster #the smears show a futile attempt to sweep most of the mess up with a kitchen broom #these clean streaks show where the glass chunks scraped across the concrete #and this small area of the yard here close to the driveway is devoid of landscaping rocks #which clearly indicate the person who dropped the bottle threw a tantrum and kicked all the rocks out of the yard in this small spot #before moving toward the house #leaving red tracks across the decorative stone #and if you look in the recycling bin I think you'll find the broom that was used to clear the glass #likely deposited there because it was snowing that night and the perp was tired and pissed off #*wipes hands on pants*#the only crime I see here is the fact that this concrete is so porous the stain will likely remain for years #and who in the everloving hell buys 32 ounces of cayenne sauce?

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