#which is definitely the tightest knit side of the family despite being spread across borders
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#me last night: *talks about the loss of my second grandpa within four months*#group chat with friends: *crickets*#another person in the group: *talks about having to put down a very long lived pet*#group chat: *endless stream of condolences*#i will never trivialize the death of a pet; i totally get it that the death of a pet is a big deal#but I'm also just. fucking distraught that my grief was completely ignored#and this is the first death from my moms side of the family#which is definitely the tightest knit side of the family despite being spread across borders#whatever#been feeling like I'm not much a part of that group anymore anyways#but the funeral was today#had a ton of people show up#had all of my direct cousins in one place for the first time in like 15 years#had lots of face to face conversations with people for the first time since coming out to them through text#and even came out to a couple more people#like my grandma's sister and brother-in-law#i genuinely didn't expect to come out to anyone new today#but that was a happy surprise#most of us cousins are going to get together tomorrow and i think I'm going to ask them all to start calling me by my chosen name#even if i dont get to the whole nonbinary thing i still want to make the step towards using a different name#at least the pronouns wouldn't sting as much after that#cause like. fuck it. plenty of cis people use different names why can't i#my parents will likely never go for it but fuck em#kee speaks#also i think all that cousins that'll be at lunch tomorrow are now heathens ππ#im so glad there are so many of us now lmao
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